Chapter Text
Chicago, Illinois 1995
The Double Door
Steve can remember the first show of Eddie’s he ever attended.
He was twenty-three years old, fresh out of college and starting his first teaching job. There was a flyer stuck to the wall in the stairwell leading down to the train with the band's name plastered across it. He didn’t tell anyone about the show, just bought one ticket and sat at the back of the venue.
Now, he’s twenty-nine years old and stood backstage, watching Eddie from the sidelines. Steve was the proud boyfriend, always cooking for the band on the road and had even learned how to set up the stage. He was good at being useful, he always had been. Eddie made sure to remind the crew of that on a regular basis.
Hellfire toured in the summer months, as Steve refused to give up his kids. The high school he taught at had become a second home to him, it gave him purpose when he once thought that he wasn’t destined for anything at all. Eddie obliged to Steve’s wishes to keep his job, even though he really didn’t need to work at all. The band had become an international sensation.
The audience roared the moment Eddie stepped on stage. Steve never got sick of seeing the fans go absolutely haywire the moment he strummed the first note. It was a sight to see Eddie become so in tune with his body while he was on stage. It was like he fully submerged himself into the song, completely out of his head and focused.
“Hey Mr. Harrington?” One of the crew members tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to see Eddie’s manager with a clipboard in hand with a setlist that had been re-written a dozen times.
Steve raised his eyebrows, waiting for whatever absurd statement was about to come out of her mouth. He couldn’t blame her though, Eddie was a ball of disorganized chaos. She meant well, Steve knew that.
“Rolling Stone is here, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave” She avoided eye contact with him completely.
Right. Rolling Stone.
Steve nodded his head and followed behind her as she ushered him off stage and into a small dressing room.
Steve wasn’t ashamed of who he was. He didn’t think Eddie was either. But it still felt like Steve was his dirty little secret.
The show ended an hour after Steve was promptly removed from the stage. Rolling Stone was interviewing the band (mainly Eddie) for their 1995 editorial. It was an exciting moment for the group, to be featured in an iconic magazine.
No one bothered Steve in the dressing room. He sat there alone, confined into a small little room, tucked in the back corner of the venue. All of the sudden he felt like he was back in the closet again. One that he had worked so hard to come out of.
When the band gained international attention, Steve had to become less and less noticeable.
A few knocks on the door startled him from his thoughts.
“Come in!” He called out, finally happy to have some human interaction after sitting in silence for over an hour.
Robin entered the room slowly, taking a quick look behind her as she shut the door. No one had followed her.
“Hey you” She said, sitting down on the couch next to him. Robin slung her arm around Steve’s shoulders.
“How was the rest of the show?” He asked.
Robin had become the sound engineer for Hellfire. Eddie wanted someone he trusted. No better girl for the job than Robin Buckley he had said.
“Fucking crazy! The crowd sung like every word to all the songs”
Steve smiled at the thought. Chicago was his favorite city to watch Eddie perform. It was their home after all. He always thought that the crowd went twice as hard.
“They always do,” he said, but his smile faded slowly.
Robin noticed the shift in his expression.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Rolling Stone is here” He rolled his eyes. Robin knew all too well what that meant for Steve.
She stood up aggressively from the couch.
A headset hung around her neck, wires dangling down her back and plugged into a little box that sat in her back pocket. She ripped it all off and gathered it up into one of her hands.
“So what? They hid you away in this fucking closet?”
“Yup” He sighed.
“Does Rolling Stone not like queers or something?”
“Rolling Stone can’t know about this queer” Steve responded, pointing at himself.
Robin took a deep breath and nodded her head slowly. “Ah, got it”
Then they were interrupted by Eddie’s manager opening the door. She never had any regard for privacy. The amount of times she had walked in on him and Eddie was probably now into the double digits.
“He’s ready for you Mr. Harrington”
As soon as she was here, she was gone.
Robin turned to Steve and positioned her body into the same way that Eddie’s manager, Sarah would stand. Her hands waved around, mocking the way Sarah talked.
He’s ready for you Mr. Harrington
Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the impersonation, covering his mouth with his hand in the process.
“Let’s go you fucking idiot” He said, grabbing her hand and pulling her through the door.
They walked hand in hand through the intricate hallways that made up backstage.
“God, she’s so fucking uptight! I don’t know how you can stand her” Robin complained as they rounded another corner, weaving through the bodies of the crew.
“She’s just stressed all the time. I try not to take it to heart” He shrugged his shoulders.
Robin shot him a look. Steve had a big heart, one that was filled with patience and understanding. It was almost too forgiving. She tried to remind him that he needed to stand up for himself, stop being a fucking martyr all the time.
Eddie’s dressing room door was open when they arrived, a repetitive tapping against a hard surface filling the room. Steve knew what it was without even looking. Eddie was packing his cigarettes.
God, Steve could use a fucking cigarette.
Robin burst into the room with her arms held high above her head, yelling and cheering.
“What a fucking show!” She said, bringing Eddie into a tight hug.
“Couldn’t do it without you Buckley” He said, wrapping his arms around her back.
Eddie pulled away quickly when he noticed Steve leaned up against the doorway, arms crossed and one leg kicked out.
“My sweetheart, how are you? I missed you on the stage tonight” Eddie pulled Steve’s hands away from his chest and held them in his. He kissed each hand and then leaned in for a real kiss.
They held the kiss for a few moments before Steve pulled away.
“Sarah told me Rolling Stone was coming tonight so I had to sit in a dressing room. I could hear though, you sounded great” He forced a smile out.
Eddie frowned. He knew how special the Chicago shows were to Steve, to the both of them. It was a Chicago show in ‘89 when they had rekindled their relationship.
“I’m so sorry baby” Eddie said.
“It’s okay, seriously, I get it. Optics and all”
Robin raised her eyebrows at Steve, who responded with a death stare in return. It was like she was telling him, didn’t we just talk about this?
And yeah. They did.
Steve and Eddie stepped out the back door of the venue for a cigarette. Eddie lit Steve’s for him, and the first hit was such a relief.
“I thought you were supposed to stop smoking? Bad for the voice and all” Steve said as he took yet another inhale of the cigarette. It was going down easy tonight.
Eddie rolled his eyes. “I told Sarah I would try, no promises though”
They both laughed knowing that Eddie’s nicotine habit wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“I’m gonna talk to her tonight about—”
Steve cut him off before he could finish.
“I told you it’s fine Eds, I understand”
Eddie nodded his head.
Sometimes Steve wishes he would fight harder.
They both finished the rest of their cigarettes in silence. Eddie could tell that there was something off with Steve. He was typically so vibrant and clingy, touching Eddie in every which way. Ready to jump his bones after a show. Tonight just felt different.
Sarah was waiting in Eddie’s dressing room when they both returned.
“Rolling Stone would like some photos before they leave,” she told them. Except she still avoided eye contact with Steve, always did. He wondered if it was because she felt sorry for him or that she genuinely just didn’t have time to bother acknowledging he was there.
“Right, okay” Eddie answered. He looked into the mirror and scruffed the top of his hair. His curls had wound tighter throughout the show. The heat was the culprit behind that. Steve loved that Eddie stayed true to his long hair, he couldn’t imagine him without it.
“You look great,” Steve told him. He came up behind Eddie, wrapping his hands around his waist. A smile formed across Eddie’s face.
He turned around in Steve’s grip and pressed his palms against Steve’s cheeks.
“I love you, so much”
“I love you so much more”
Steve leans in for a kiss, Eddie’s hands already traveling under Steve’s shirt.
His breath hitches as Eddie moves his fingertips across Steve’s back, gently running them along the curve of his spine. He tucks them into the waistband of Steve’s jeans.
Steve rolls his hips forward at the contact. His hands wrap around the back of Eddie’s neck pulling him closer, digging his tongue further into Eddie’s mouth.
Maybe he did want to jump Eddie’s bones after all.
Eddie is hard the minute their hips meet and he lets out a moan in Steve’s mouth, dipping his hands lower under Steve’s jeans and onto his ass.
Sarah clears her throat, reminding them that she’s still standing in the dressing room.
Steve pulls away quickly. His forehead drops against Eddie’s. They both let out a short laugh.
“Right, right, okay I’m coming” Eddie sighs.
He lifts Steve’s chin and meets his eyes. “Don’t worry princess, this isn’t over yet”
Steve can hear Eddie’s manager let out an exasperated sigh at his words. Eddie shoots her a look and she turns away.
“Go! go!” Steve says, pushing Eddie away. “Go be a fucking rockstar or whatever” He smiles. “I’ll see you at home”
“You’re not staying?” Eddie asks, pausing.
“You’ve got important things to do! Seriously, go!”
Eddie looks back one last time before he disappears through the doorway. He notices the way Steve shrinks, the way the color fades from his cheeks. Like Eddie is slowly sucking the life out of him.
Steve walks back to their house alone that night.