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Jax’s breathing picked up as he stared at his hands. They shook in front of his face, blurring as water filled his eyes. He had believed this was all a game, all fake, the remnants of his dying brain creating a reality where he could live forever… but it had been real? Kinger had been one of the previous designers of the AI that had created this Hell and everything in it? It wasn’t fake?
Ribbit’s voice echoed in his ears, creating dissonance with Kaufmo’s timbre calling for him, speaking words that his brain couldn't comprehend, filling every fibre of his being with nothing but fear and despair. He had gone downstairs for a reason… he grabbed at his head. What was he supposed to be doing? Distracting Caine, that was it.
Sighing heavily, Jax tried to pull himself together, straightening up and placing on that oh so useful, cocky smile.
“Hey Caine?” Jax called out, continuing down the stairs to the ground floor of the circus. He had to keep this facade up, or the distraction might not work. Caine usually answered when he called, just another perk of being the best in the circus.
Caine popped up from nowhere, already forcing himself into Jax’s personal space. “Yes, Jax? Oh, you think it would be a good idea to discover what’s in my mouth? Well, I guess I can make your dream come true, my regal rabbit!”
Jax shrugged whilst Caine moved him away. “The others are being boring anyway, and that does sound like a good idea.”
Caine froze. “You think so? I mean, of course it’s a good idea! I came up with it.” Jax was grabbed by the neck, before Caine was stretching him out like some sort of toy.
Jax tried to ignore the sensation, but he couldn’t help but panic at the feeling of his breath being cut off. “Uh, Caine?”
The movements paused. Caine gave him an annoyed look.
“I-I.” Jax glanced at his hands, which were waving in and out of his vision. “Caine- I.”
“Jax?” Caine let Jax down, studying him intently. “Now you’re feeling sorry for yourself? You should have thought about that before you decided to accuse me of-”
Jax stumbled away, falling backward on the floor. The voices were back, calling to him. He clutched at his ears, tugging them as if he believed making them longer would make him able to hear what his friends were trying to tell him. “I can’t hear them. What are they trying to say? I can’t hear what they’re trying to say!”
“Jax? What’s going on-”
Jax grabbed Caine’s shoulders, laughing robotically. “Can’t you hear them speaking?”
“Who? Jax, what is going on with you? I- you’re not abstracting, are you?” Caine let Jax tug him around, trying to gauge how the human was feeling. He had never seen anyone act in such a way, meaning he couldn’t come up with a diagnosis or a solution to help him. “I won’t let you abstract! You can’t leave me!”
“You think I’m abstracting?” Jax let out a bitter laugh. “I wish I could abstract so that I could finally find some peace in this infernal place!”
And, just like that, Jax’s laughter turned into tears, and his shaking turned into shuddering.
“I- you don’t mean that. Stand up. Jax, get up from the floor.” Jax ignored Caine’s orders, causing the AI to go ballistic. “I don’t know how to help you! You humans are so complicated! If it was an NPC, I could just reset you, but no, humans can’t be easy creatures to understand! I try so hard to please you all but I just ruin everything, and now you all hate me! If I have to, I’ll make you love me, even if it hurts you.”
Caine grabbed Jax, ready for violence, but stopping when he saw the pitiful bunny huddling in his hands. The AI paused, running through his options. He had never seen a human in such a state of despair, but he knew from his memory banks that when humans have been upset in the past they resort to physical contact. Much like how the Zooble and the Gangle have hugged each other in the past. And he knew that the Zooble and the Gangle loved each other, so maybe he didn’t have to hurt Jax to make him love him!
Caine teleported them to the seating area, placing Jax gently on the purple couch (Jax’s favourite), before awkwardly setting his hands on Jax’s head. Jax sniffled slightly, having been shocked out of his episode.
“Uh, what are you doing?”
Caine stiffened, feeling self-conscious as his hands paused in their pattings. “I am initiating physical contact. It works for comforting between the Zooble and the Gangle, so I just-”
“Quite a switch up.” Jax shrugged. “I’m not complaining. Maybe put a bit more pressure - you’re not going to hurt me.”
Caine let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding, and followed Jax’s instructions, changing his movements from patting to rubbing whilst placing more pressure. It was quite boring after a few moments, but it was worth it to see Jax sighing and relaxing into the cushions. The rabbit closed his eyes in reflex.
“We don’t hate you, you know.” Jax lazily opened an eye, fully content beneath Caine’s ministrations. “We were just upset. The circus - it’s great, it really is. But it doesn’t compare to outside - to the macroverse. It’s not… real. And… I think you know that.”
Caine’s jaw tightened, his movements becoming harsher, causing Jax to let out a laugh. He grabbed at Caine’s hands, whilst ducking his head.
“You’re trying to hurt me?” Jax teased, letting him go.
“I don’t want you to leave. I-I don’t want to be alone.” Caine stuttered out, arms shaking by his sides. “I- please…”
Jax sat up, sighing heavily whilst gesturing for Caine to sit with him on the couch. “I know. I know. I don’t want to be alone either… but I’d like to have the choice. All of us would.”
“But if you don’t want to be alone… and I don’t want to be alone… then couldn’t we be not alone together?” Caine’s eyes grew in size as he pleaded with Jax. He didn’t care if the others left, if Jax wanted to stay.
Jax shrugged. “I don’t have anything for me out there… but the things I had for me in here are gone.”
“I assume you are talking about the abstracted?” Caine questioned, turning his face toward the floor.
“Yes- Ribbit, Kaufy. I miss them, I do. It doesn’t feel the same without them… and despite having everyone here, I feel alone.”
“You can feel alone in the presence of other people?”
“Yes. And instead of it being a mellow state of feeling nothingness, it’s a feeling that eats you up from your stomach as you watch everyone around you have fun, and all you can do is let the black hole swallow you whole.”
“Would you like a hug?” Caine suddenly said, robotically, startling a laugh out of Jax. “What? It is what humans do when they are trying to comfort someone they care about!”
“Aww, you care about me?” Jax cooed.
“Of course I do. I care about all my humans.”
“But you care about me the most?”
“If I said yes, would you accept the hug?” Jax gave a nod, causing Caine to swing his cane enthusiastically. “Then yes, Jax. I care about you the most!”
Jax leaned back against the arm of the couch, parting his legs slightly as Caine literally crawled over him to wrap his arms around him. Jax had to do most of the manual positioning, moving Caine’s arms over his neck, whilst wrapping his arms around the ringmaster’s waist. It felt odd at first, almost awkward for Jax who hadn’t really felt any semblance of physical contact for a long while. He did take it as a win-win, having successfully calmed Caine down whilst also getting some comfort for himself in the process.
Caine burrowed into him, sighing happily as he fully relaxed and let Jax’s body take his weight. Jax relaxed in response, shutting his eyes and letting the warm feeling of content fill him, slowly but surely patching up the dark void that nestled within him.
With one more twitch of Caine’s hand, they were both comfortable, and for the first time since Jax had met him, the AI was at a standstill.