Work Text:
“Shinji,” Kaworu says, kicking his feet back and forth through the open air of the city beneath them.
“Yes?” Shinji looks up from where he’s lying with his head resting in his lap.
“Have you ever wanted to have a child?”
“What….” Shinji trails off and sits up.
They’re sat on the roof of their apartment building where they have lived for the past seven years. They’re both nearing thirty and married a couple of years ago, having moved in to their current flat together directly after university. It should probably be concerning that they haven’t, until now, ever spoken about having children.
“It’s okay, whatever you decide will be fine.” Kaworu says calmly, in a way that means - infuriatingly - he’s being truthful and he’ll accept whatever answer Shinji gives.
“Is this because Hikari and Toji have had their baby?” They’re the only friends of theirs to have children so far and he has to admit he was surprised by how happy Kaworu was to spend time with her.
“It’s what made me first consider it, yes, but there is another reason I’d like to know,” Kaworu says, looking thoughtfully out at the sunset.
Shinji takes a deep breath then places his hand on top of Kaworu’s on the cold stone beneath them.
“I’ve never really considered it. My own childhood wasn’t exactly a good one, though my aunt and uncle were kind to me I never really got over losing my mother or what happened with my father.” He bites his lip and looks at his husband. “I don’t know if any adoption agency would ever accept us, Kaworu. Your birth records were forged by Mari years ago and no one - outside of the five of us - knows where you really come from.” He expects Kaworu to look upset but he just nods in acceptance of the facts. Shinji takes a breath then continues. “And my history isn’t exactly stable either.”
“So you’ve never let yourself think about it because you don’t think it’s a possibility.”
“Yes. And it’s not as if our life is lacking, is it?”
Kaworu senses his worry and turns to smile at him. “Of course not, Shinji, I’ve never been happier. I wouldn’t suggest having a child to make us feel more fulfilled, often I don’t think that that addresses the reason people feel so empty. It can just end up hurting more people in the long run.”
“You’re in an insightful mood this evening,” Shinji says, taking Kaworu’s hand in his and winding their fingers together. It surprises him how Kaworu can commit so many social faux pas but hit the nail on the head with matters like this.
“I’ve been thinking about this for a while, I would have said something sooner but I wanted to make sure it was possible first.”
“Possible?” Shinji asks.
“Yes. It’s possible but only if you want a child.”
“Kaworu, could you, um, explain what you mean by that?” Because that is a big statement to make. And they really, really haven’t ever talked about this. Odd, considering they talk about everything else.
“Well, you know that when we were younger, every couple of years or so I need to discharge my excess energy.”
Shinji nods. “Your magic builds up if you don’t use it for a long time.” In order to make it easier to deal with Kaworu uses short bursts around the flat to clean it or make all of the plants on the patio grow, as well as his usual, casual use of it. He never used to be so comfortable but he’s embraced it as the years have gone on.
“Yes, well, recently it’s been… gathering in larger quantities. I was worried so I went to speak with Rei.”
Shinji nods, wise choice by all accounts.
“She had no firm idea but various theories and, well, it appears there is a choice.”
“Kaworu,” Shinji presses.
“I can either create a forest somewhere - and we already have three locations planned out - two of them within a few hours drive - or… or we could have a child.”
Shinji blinks as white noise descends on his ears.
“Neither of us would carry the child, we’re both male, even I can’t change that - and I wouldn’t want to,” Kaworu continues, now holding Shinji’s shaking hands in both of his. “It would just exist, a baby - our baby - if you wanted one. Or we can have a forest. A whole, vast beautiful forest, if you’d prefer.”
“K-K..Kaworu?”
“Yes?”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Shinji gasps out, almost falling forwards over the edge of the building as he waits for the feeling to pass. He knows he won’t actually fall off, Kaworu set a barrier up here years ago when one of their neighbours was going through a particularly bad time… even so, the vertigo gets to him.
Kaworu untangles one of his hands and places it on Shinji’s back, soothing him and waiting for the shock to ware off.
“Can we… can we just go home?” Shinji asks and Kaworu kisses his forehead.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I don’t think this was the best time to ask you, was it.”
Shinji laughs with the absurdity of the situation, though it settles down to nervous giggling when Kaworu takes him in his arms and floats them down to their patio-garden.
“That’s cheating.”
“No-one saw us,” Kaworu reassures him, keeping one hand in his hair and holding Shinji close against his chest.
Shinji is quiet for a very long time. He’s aware he’s holding on to Kaworu a little bit too hard but it’s not like it’ll hurt him.
“A baby?” he manages to ask at last.
“Yes.” Kaworu presses a kiss into his hair. “Would you like me to elaborate?” Shinji nods. “They would be mostly human… with some angelic elements.”
“Such as?”
Kaworu shakes his head. “I don’t know for certain but they will look human, they’ll have magic but it won’t be as strong as mine. Three quarters human and one quarter angel. Don’t worry, they won’t be able to cause any real danger, they’ll be able to control it all better than I can.”
“How can you be so certain?” Shinji asks; his voice is still shaking but saying something is better than staying silent.
“Because we will be here to teach them and Rei has also offered her services.” Kaworu sounds so happy about the prospect that Shinji’s heart aches just a little bit. “But as I said, I’m perfectly happy just spending my life with you, if you would rather not have a child, we won’t.”
“How long do we… do I have to decide?”
“A couple of months, maybe a bit longer.”
Shinji nods. “And is this likely to happen again? Your magic getting so strong that this is possible?”
Kaworu shakes his head. “No, I think after this it will go back to normal. I can’t know for certain, Shinji, but it feels like this is the case.” Kaworu holds him closer. “Take your time, please. I don’t want you to feel like you have to agree to this, I’ll still be here, no matter what.”
Shinji nods again, not trusting his own voice, and buries his head in Kaworu’s chest.
***
He thinks about it.
He thinks about it all the time for a month. Kaworu doesn’t bring it up again, just gives Shinji his space whilst they get back to their lives. Kaworu plays violin and piano for a living and Shinji works at the nation’s top - there isn’t much competition - astronomy magazine.
So he thinks and thinks and eventually realises he needs to talk to Kaworu about it again. So, taking a leaf out of his husband’s book, he asks him about it directly one evening after work.
Kaworu greets him at the door and Shinji opens his mouth before he can take it back.
“How would we raise them? Would we need to move? Can we afford it?”
Kaworu gives him his softest smile, takes his hand and leads him into the main room.
“Sit down,” he says gently, then brings them tea, sitting at Shinji’s side once he’s done. “My hours are flexible, I can arrange when I go to the studio to record or when I need to play, you are free most evenings and Rei has said she’d be more than happy to help us. I’m sure Mari would be too - so would Asuka.”
“Okay,” Shinji accepts. “I could take leave from work, though I think even for new-born adoption - and they’ll have to believe that is what this is - I’ll only get three months on full pay.”
“We do have money in the bank,” Kaworu reminds him. “And we don’t need to move. I can clear out the smaller spare bedroom and we can set them up in there. When they’re older, they can have the bigger room. Plenty of families live in this building already, it wouldn’t be an issue.”
“You really have thought about this, haven’t you.”
Kaworu smiles. “So have you.”
Shinji nods. “I’m still… I don’t have any idea what to do with a child, Kaworu.”
His husband raises his eyebrows at him but then seems to think better of it and turns away.
“That’s not why I don’t-”
“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”
“I’d never; never do what my father did to a child of my own.”
“I know, that’s what I meant…” Kaworu sighs. “We can talk about something else, we still have time.”
Shinji studies Kaworu carefully, holds his head in his hands and searches his eyes. There are none of the usual signs of his magic raging out of control and their patio-garden isn’t anymore wild than usual.
Satisfied that Kaworu isn’t pulling any kind of self-sacrificing-bullshit, Shinji kisses him. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Kaworu reassures him. “That won’t ever change.”
Shinji nods and holds Kaworu close, fisting his hands into the back of his shirt in a way he hasn’t done for years.
***
In the end there isn’t big decision-making moment, Shinji doesn’t find himself unwittingly rescuing someone’s child or walking past children’s toyshops or anything of the sort. The latter is more to do with the fact that he’s never really grown out of going into them, nor have any of his friends.
He just allows himself to accept the possibility of having a child with Kaworu.
He was in middle school when Kaworu had shown up out of no-where, not at all sure how or why he was there; Shinji’s name on his lips when he was rescued from a frozen lake covered in snow.
Recognition had been instant and Shinji had gone from being furious at this stranger’s insistence that they knew each other to being assaulted with a string of images from lifetimes he had apparently lived with this boy - the moment their eyes met.
Then there had been a lot of crying and shivering under Kaworu’s heat blankets when Shinji refused to leave him in the hospital and none of the nurses had had the heart to send him away. After that he’d brought him home to his aunt and uncle’s - refusing to hear or listen to their protests when he did so. They did let him stay after that, having never seen Shinji stand up for someone that strongly before.
Even now he’s not sure what it means that they’ve known each other in their past lives and it’s even harder to believe that he’s the reason Kaworu came back. But at the same time it does make sense; Kaworu makes him happier than anyone else he has met before or since and their life together has been more meaningful and wonderful than he thought he would ever deserve.
Nothing about them has stagnated, they are happy together… Kaworu is right about that. He knows Kaworu would like to have a child with him, even if he’d never considered it before this point, but Shinji’s well aware that if he agrees to this just to make Kaworu happy that it will backfire further down the line.
They wouldn’t get much sleep, they also wouldn’t have as much free time together as they do now, but they would have someone else with them, someone they could love and cherish… a new life to bring up.
They haven’t ever done that before, in any of the lives they have lived… in fact they’ve rarely lived past fifteen.
He puts his hand to his chest - over his heart- and smiles to himself. He feels warm all over at the prospect and, when he brushes his fingers over his cheeks, he finds he’s been crying.
Kaworu’s at work that evening so he has time to compose himself and make dinner for them.
*
When Kaworu gets, in he’s surprised to hear the sound of Shinji cooking from the kitchen. It’s Kaworu’s turn, after all. He also wasn’t sure he’d even find Shinji at home, sometimes he spends these evenings out and about, timing his return for when Kaworu comes home.
Even with the possibility of a child weighing on his mind Shinji hasn’t been acting any differently. He’s been thinking about it, Kaworu knows, and that’s all he can ask for.
“Hi,” Shinji greets him from over the counter, he has the last couple of dishes in his hand and takes them to the table before coming over to him and taking his hand. “Welcome home.”
“Thank you. I thought you’d be out.” Kaworu kisses him on the cheek then mouth, feeling the edges of Shinji’s lips curl up into a smile.
“I came straight home without realising what day it was.”
Kaworu washes up quickly and sits on the corner of the table next to Shinji, he can feel the nervous and excited energy he’s giving off but doesn’t want to hope it means more than it does.
“Kaworu,” Shinji says halfway through dinner. “How long would it take, to um, create a child?”
Kaworu smiles. “Not very long at all, maybe a few minutes, not much longer.”
Shinji drops his spoon into his soup and Kaworu would laugh if he thought it a safe time to do so.
“I did say,” he continues. “That neither of us will actually incubate the child the way humans and some creatures do. They will just exist. My magic and a little of each of us. It won’t hurt and it won’t take long at all.” He pauses and bends his neck to get a better look at Shinji. “Are you okay?”
“So we can just literally have a baby?”
“Yes.”
“Just…..”
“Shinji, you know I’m part angel, that it carried over into this world. Is this really so surprising?”
“Y.. yes, Kaworu. It is.” He shakes his head. “How long do we have to prepare? What do we need? Should I call Hikari and Toji? Or Rei?”
Kaworu places a gentle hand on his back. “Shinji, everything we would need can be ordered in a couple of hours and delivered in days.”
“What about the spare room?”
Kaworu smiles and hopes he doesn’t look guilty. “I’ve already cleared it out. I decided it was better to do that regardless of what you decided. My plan was to turn it into a study for you, for when you work from home. It’s empty. I just didn’t like leaving it such a mess once I’d realised how bad it was in there.”
Shinji is nodding and muttering to himself, Kaworu does him the courtesy of not listening so closely.
“And how long do you have?” he asks Kaworu, taking his hand and removing the chopsticks from them so he can hold them better.
“Two weeks, maybe a month if I need to, after that we’re making a forest.” Either way he looks at it he’s creating new life, even if he would prefer one over the other.
“I want…” Shinji says, swallowing then meeting Kaworu’s eyes. “I want to have a child with you.”
His heart leaps and flowers bloom on the potted plants nearest to him.
“Really?” he asks, wanting to be sure.
“Yes, really.” Shinji smiles and leans over, kissing him quickly but firmly. “You can look into my heart for this one, if you want to.”
Kaworu closes his eyes and does, not because he needs it for conformation, but because it’s wonderful to experience that love so close and so strong. It also has the side-effect of allowing Shinji the same access to his heart and all his emotions.
He closes the connection when he feels it getting to much for his husband and allows him to fall onto his chest and recover.
“It’s so intense, every time you do that,” he says, breathless but sounding happy. “So, two weeks? Is that enough time to get everything sorted?”
“Yes, at least for now.”
“Kaworu?” Shinji asks a few minutes later.
“Yes?”
“Do we, um… when you say it needs a small part of each of us…”
“We just need to hold hands, Shinji, my magic will do the rest.”
“Oh, oh, okay. So we don’t need to have sex or anything?”
Kaworu chuckles and nuzzles his nose into Shinji’s hair. “We won’t need to have sex for this to work, no. In fact, it really won’t work like that. I’ll need a clear head.”
That makes Shinji relax and he laughs, looking up at Kaworu with a lovely smile on his face.
“We can have plenty of sex beforehand, plenty, I promise.”
“Starting this evening?” Shinji asks.
Kaworu kisses his neck and breathes out against his skin, delighting in the shivers of arousal that run though Shinji.
“Yes.”
***
“Shinji?” Kaworu asks a week later.
“Hmm?”
“Do you want a boy or a girl?” The way he says it sounds very much like they get to choose.
“I don’t mind at all, what about you?”
Kaworu’s smile is visible even in the low light of the room, warm and hopeful.
“I’d really like a little girl, if you really don’t mind?”
Shinji shakes his head. “Not at all, any particular reason?”
He shrugs. “I just like the idea, that’s all. When I first thought about it, I pictured a little girl with my hair and your eyes and since then I haven't been able to imagine it any other way.”
Shinji rolls over and puts his arm around him. “Okay, we’ll have a little girl. Have you thought of a name?”
Kaworu shakes his head. “No, not really. I didn’t want to, you know, just in case.”
Shinji smiles. “We have a week, we can think about it.”
“Hmm, yeah, we can.”
Kaworu falls as sleep shortly after but Shinji stays awake trying to come up with a good name and, in the back of his mind, oddly thankful they went for very neutral colours in the nursery.
***
“So…. out here?” Shinji asks, following Kaworu out onto the patio.
“Yes.” It’s early summer and their plants and trees make a canopy to conceal them from sight - Kaworu’s magic is doing the rest. It’s bubbling so close to the surface at the moment that even his wings are starting to show. White and silver and grey in the light of the early morning sun, iridescent in the dark of their flat.
They’re also almost corporeal, which, although not the reason he’s topless, is certainly an added benefit. They’re both dressed in only their underwear and pyjama bottoms because he’s been told that babies need skin-on-skin contact when they’re very new and he wants to make sure they do this right. All of it.
He gathers the excess, feels it as it thrums through him.
“Take my hand,” he says, holding on tight as soon as Shinji’s fingers slide between his own. “Ready?” he asks, looking at his husband.
“Yes,” Shinji agrees.
He kisses him, just before he lets go, just to reassure himself that this is the right thing to do. Then there is nothing left to do but let his magic take over and do what it so wants to do.
Bright light surrounds their hands and a large flower blooms before them, petals surrounding the glowing ball of light forming in the centre until the last strands of energy leave them and it’s sealed from sight.
Kaworu drops to his knees, hears Shinji call his name in a worried shout but doesn’t have the energy to console him or tell him he’ll be okay.
He does feel Shinji’s arms gather around his back, holding him against his front, tightly. Fingers press against his pulse point and only then does his husband relax.
“I’m alright,” Kaworu rasps out. “That just took more of my power than I thought it would. Are you okay?” he asks, feeling a little stronger.
“I’m fine, a bit dizzy and my vision is swimming, but Kaworu, you scared me.”
He tips his head back on Shinji’s shoulder. “The very worst that would have happened is I’d have passed out for a few minutes and missed her waking up. I’ll be okay.”
Shinji hugs him closer, head buried in his shoulder. “You really are an idiot sometimes.”
Kaworu laughs. “I know.” He blinks until the light in his eyes go away, until his magic settles down, and he can feel a new presence. “Shinji,” he whispers, “Can you feel it?”
He reaches his hand out and touches the stem of the flower, bringing it down to where they are gathered on the floor.
Shinji places his hand over Kaworu’s and smiles.
“I can tell there’s someone there.”
“She feels like us… but herself as well. She has her own soul.”
“Did you think she wouldn’t?” Shinji asks.
Kaworu shakes his head. “No, I just didn’t know it would feel like this.”
“Oh, Kaworu,” Shinji whispers, kissing his ear. “I think she’s waking up.”
He looks up and sure enough the petals are unfurling, one at a time and slowly at first, pink and blue and yellow and lilac. A beautiful and impossible flower opening to reveal a baby girl.
Kaworu feels as though his heart has stopped for just a moment, feels it well in his chest and senses Shinji’s doing the same.
The flower lowers to the ground and they’re looking at their little girl. Tufts of silver hair all over her head, her eyes blink open and they are as blue as Shinji’s on a bright summer’s day.
“Kaworu,” Shinji whispers. “She has a belly button.”
“Of course she does, it would have been weird if she didn’t.”
Shinji laughs and it’s a giddy and delighted sound. Their baby - hearing it clearly - reaches out a small chubby hand to Shinji.
He places one shaking finger into her palm and smiles down at her.
Kaworu reaches out and brings her carefully into his arms, mindful that he she not break contact with Shinji.
She giggles and looks up at him.
“Hello, flower,” Kaworu greets.
Shinji leans over him to cup her head with his hand.
“Do you want to call her that?” he asks.
Kaworu shakes his head. “No, it just seemed appropriate, given the actual flower.” He’d thought an egg would be too weird so had - wisely - visualised a flower instead.
“I’ve been thinking about a name for her,” Shinji says, moving so that he can sit with one arm firmly around Kaworu and the other around their baby.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Your angel name is Tabris, right? Or it was, once.”
“Yes, for angelic purposes I suppose it still is, not that it really matters.” He keeps his voice very quiet so as not to frighten their child.
“I was thinking - and you can say no - I know it’s a strange name but what about Tabitha? It’s an old English girls name and it might fit in better with the wild cover-story Mari has managed to come up with.”
Kaworu smiles down at the little girl, her eyes had gone straight to Shinji when he said that name.
“I think she likes it. So do I. Tabitha. Tabi for anyone who can’t pronounce it.”
“Okay,” Shinji agrees. “Do you think she’s cold?” he asks a moment later.
Kaworu shakes his head. “She’s fine.”
“Can you… can you talk to her?”
Kaworu huffs out a laugh. “No, but I can sense her. She’s just new and trying to figure things out. Do you want to hold her?”
“I… umm.. Yes?”
Kaworu turns his head and kisses him. They shift and shuffle to rest against the wall just behind them, then Shinji moves his arm from around Kaworu and accepts Tabitha into his arms.
“She’s heavier than I was expecting.”
“Hmm, you said that when you held Hikari’s little girl,” Kaworu reminds him, smiling. “Shinji?”
“Yes?”
“We should head inside soon, I’m going to fall asleep out here if we don’t.”
“Still drained?”
He nods and carefully all three of them make it into the bedroom.
He feels the cool mattress on his back and smiles when he feels Shinji lower Tabitha onto his chest.
“I’ll watch over you both,” Shinji says.
“And take pictures?” Kaworu asks, seeing the phone in his hand.
“And take pictures.”
Kaworu yawns and goes out like a light.
***
Kaworu sleeps for the rest of the morning, only waking in the early after noon.
Tabitha stays on his chest dozing but she fusses every time Shinji leaves the room.
“You’ll wake your father,” Shinji chides gently when he comes back from the bathroom, sliding down next to Kaworu and placing a hand on her back. She settles straight away.
He looks up to see red eyes looking at him; their colour is so dark they almost look brown and he knows just how much this took from his husband.
“It’s okay. I said it wouldn’t build up like that again, I’ll be fine in a couple of months.”
“Months?”
Kaworu smiles. “I’ll have to do actual house work and water the plants for a bit, that’s all. I can still keep us all safe, you don’t need to worry.” He yawns and puts his hand on top of Shinji’s where it rests on Tabitha’s back.
“You know I’ll always worry about you, and you,” Shinji adds, drawn once more to the sight of their little girl. “I still don’t know how you managed it.”
“Magic. I still don’t know how you made sure I came back or how you allowed me to exist in this world, Shinji, but it doesn’t change the fact that you did.”
“I love you,” Shinji tells him, eyes locked with his. “and I wasn’t about to live my life without you.”
“Kaworu smiles. “Come here,” he kisses him softly, gently, just enough to warm him from the inside out. “I love you too.”
Kaworu eventually feels strong enough to sit up and Tabitha makes her tiny voice heard.
“What does she want?” Shinji asks.
Kaworu stares at her and stares at her, the way he does with Hikari’s baby. “I think she’s hungry. It’s all so new to her that she’s not sure and I’m not sure.”
“Okay, okay…. we have formula, right?” He jumps up and heads into the kitchen, thankful they they’d practiced this in advance. Mari and Rei had drilled them and Kaworu had had entirely too much fun.
“Can you bring a nappy and a towel as well?” Kaworu calls from the bedroom, over the piercing scream of their baby.
“Yes!” Shinji grabs it all, heads into the bedroom expecting to see an awful mess but instead finds Kaworu pacifying her with his fingers and bobbing her very gently. “Ummm…”
“It’s for afterwards, just in case,” Kaworu says brightly. And Shinji drops onto the bed at his side, utterly bemused and happy all at the same time.
***
“Is she okay?” Kaworu asks Mari.
“I think so.” Her shrug is perhaps not the best indication.
Asuka is stood staring at Tabitha. Shinji has her lying in his arms, letting her squeeze the life out of one of his fingers. Rei is sat on the sofa, quietly observing them all.
“I meant Asuka.”
Mari glares. “I know you meant Asuka, and I don’t know. She’s never been this quiet before.”
“Um, Asuka?” Shinji asks, his eyes darting around the room from person to person. Kaworu takes it as his cue to stand behind his husband - just in case.
“Can I hold her?” she asks, to the surprise of everyone present.
“Um, sure.. of course, here.” Carefully, gently, Shinji puts the little girl into Asuka’s arms.
“Hello Tabitha, hello sweetheart,” Asuka says, still not taking her eyes off of her.
Tabitha gurgles happy noises and the whole room collectively relaxes. It’s not that Asuka has a bad reputation with babies - her sole exposure before this being Hikari’s - but she can sometimes be a bit stand-offish.
“Has our baby worked some kind of charm on Asuka?” Shinji mumbles, carefully not meeting Kaworu’s eyes.
“No, she hasn’t. She can’t do anything like that yet, it’ll take her a few years at least to show any signs.” Shinji sighs in relief and leans back against Kaworu.
“I couldn’t get the image out of my head of coming into the nursery to find her floating above her cot. Thank goodness.”
Kaworu laughs, but muffles it in Shinji’s shoulder.
“She’s a baby, Shinji.”
“I know but look at Asuka, she can’t take her eyes off her.”
Kaworu shrugs. “Neither could we for the first week. And babies are people too, I’m never too fond of people showing off their babies to random people, it’s always felt a bit weird to me, everyone cooing over them, very strange. But she’s ours and Asuka is our friend, that’s probably why.”
“True.”
***
“Right, paperwork is all done and sorted. She’s legally yours, back-story is finished, written and approved. Tabitha Nagisa - nice touch with the name, by the way - is officially your daughter’s name.” Mari hands them their copy of the paperwork and hugs them both. “Congratulations! When you decide you need more regular sleep feel free to ask and I’ll babysit, if Asuka hasn’t already volunteered, okay?”
“Okay,” Shinji agrees. Tabitha is asleep in the baby carrier Kaworu is wearing, he looks so happy and proud of her, of them, that it melts Shinji’s heart. His hair is wilder than it has ever been and his eyes haven't yet gone back to their usual bright red shine - but they are getting there, a little brighter by the day.
Tabitha’s naming ceremony had been completed, as is customary, one week after she was born. They’d kept her in white for seventeen days, and taken her to the shrine when she was 33 days old. Kaworu has fussed over her whenever possible but he’s been so bemused by all the customs that he’s had to leave the rest of it to Shinji. Meaning that really, he’d just asked Mari for help, especially given her job in the government offices.
“Do you guys need a minute?” Mari asks and Shinji realises he’s been stood there staring at his husband, who in turn is staring at their baby.
“Oh, oh, sorry, no.” Kaworu smiles. “Thank you very much, Mari. Will we see you for dinner tomorrow?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” She winks and walks them out of her office, with a nod of permission she kisses Tabitha on the head. “I love you all, see you tomorrow, okay?”
They’re half way down in the lift when Kaworu turns to Shinji.
“There were tears in her eyes.”
Shinji tips his head to the side as he thinks about it. “Yes, there were.”
“We should ask her to babysit next week.”
“For what? We don’t have any plans.” They don’t. Even before Tabitha, they rarely did anything but spend time with each other and their friends anyway, the only difference is now that they have Tabitha and between the five of them it’s not been any trouble.
“No, but I think Mari might appreciate some time with Tabitha.”
Shinji chuckles. “Your powers are returning, then.”
Kaworu smiles and rises onto the balls of his feel, dropping down slowly when the lift lands. Tabitha makes her usual pleased gurgling noises.
***
Shinji’s aunt and uncle stopped being surprised by their nephew’s behaviour the day they found him and Kaworu asleep in each others’ arms the same night he’d demand Kaworu be allowed to live with them.
It was also the first time he’d surprised them, usually being such a quiet - if occasionally angry - teenager and they’d had a relatively easy time of it.
So, when Shinji called to tell them that he and Kaworu had had a baby, they sent money and promised to visit in them after a couple of months.
*
“Kaworu, can you open the door for them? I need to finish getting Tabitha ready,” Shinji calls from the nursery.
“Of course.” He puts down the bottle he’s just warmed up - charming it to stay at the correct temperature - then makes his way to the door.
“No floating,” Shinji warns him.
Kaworu laughs. “But it’s more fun this way.”
“Kaworu.”
He drops down on the floor a couple of feet away from the entrance.
“Solid ground,” he says. “I never use my magic directly in front of them.”
He even waits for them to knock on the door before he opens it and welcomes them inside. They greet him fondly, slipping off their shoes and into house slippers, before stepping up and hugging him one at a time.
“How are you, Kaworu?” Shinji’s aunt asks.
“Very tired but very happy, thank you.”
“I can imagine,” she tells him kindly, warmth is blooming off her and he can feel how genuine her happiness is. Then he remembers, Shinji only came to live with them when he was four years old, they’ve never had a baby in their house before.
“Come on in, Shinji’s just getting her ready.” In the back of his mind, Kaworu is aware that there are probably a dozen customs he’s missed or done wrong with regards to this and - in fact - looking after Tabitha so far but he doesn’t really care. She is loved and cared for and special in her own right, surely that will be enough and these people who he considers family won’t judge him too harshly.
Tabitha is now three months old and seems delighted to meet new people - as long as her parents are familiar with them - Kaworu doesn’t know how much he should read into that but Hikari says her little one is the same and that’ll do for him.
Shinji has her in his arms, in her new yellow dress - a present from Asuka - and he brings her in to meet the people they want to ask to be her grandparents.
“Oh, hello, sweetheart,” Shinji’s aunt says, taking her into her arms when Shinji places her there. His uncle stands at her side and places his hand on her arm.
They sit down and coo over her and Kaworu takes Shinji’s hand, gathering him gently in his arms for a hug before they sit on the sofa next to everyone.
*
They talk and spend the day together - The Ikaris are staying for the weekend and have a hotel booked for the night about five minutes walk from their flat. Shinji and his uncle leave the flat to do some last minute shopping for dinner, which leaves Kaworu and his aunt alone with Tabitha.
“Kaworu.”
“Yes?” He looks up from Tabitha and smiles kindly at her.
“Tabi looks very much like you…. and Shinji.”
Kaworu blinks. “Well, yes. She is our daughter.” He watches as she tries to work her way around his honesty and ask the questions she doesn’t know how to voice. For Kaworu, the good thing about being oblivious and confused about a lot of things is that it can use it to his advantage in situations like this.
“She has Shinji’s eyes, your hair and, I think, your smile, but I suppose she’s too young for me to tell.”
“As I said, she is our daughter.” He smiles again, then goes back to feeding Tabitha.
“You have a friend who works for the government, don’t you.”
“Yes, Mari Illustrious Makinami. She was my best woman at our wedding, you’ve met her.”
“And you said this… having a baby together was something that happened very quickly.”
Kaworu puts the empty bottle down, puts the towel over his shoulder and lifts Tabitha up to rub her back gently.
“It did, yes. It was really only something we’d been thinking about for a couple of months, all in all.” As much as he’s glad Shinji isn’t here to worry about where this could lead, he hopes he can remember this word-for-word to tell him later.
“I have the official paperwork, if you’d like to see it,” he offers, wondering if the silence has gone on too long.
“No, no, we wouldn’t want to interfere.” She sighs and shakes her head. “Sorry, it’s just a shock, that’s all. I know you and my nephew have been inseparable since you arrived in Japan sixteen years ago, and it wasn’t a surprise at all when you went to university together or when you got married. I just don’t think I ever expected you to have a baby.”
Kaworu smiles warmly, patting Tabitha lightly on the back and enjoying her presence next to him. Such a wonderful bundle of light.
“Neither were we, but we decided not to let the opportunity pass us by, and here we are.”
“Do you… do you think you’ll have any more?” she asks, sounding tentatively hopeful.
“No, I think she is a once in a lifetime chance. She has lots of people who love her though so I think she’ll be okay without siblings. Most of my friends are only children.” He’s never been too specific with her about his life before this one, about his memories of brothers and sisters and family that simply cannot and do not exist here. Instead he has always let her believe the truth - that he came from a large family but he’s the only one left. She’s always been very kind and gracious to him because of it and he’s always been thankful, very thankful to her - and her husband - for that.
She nods. “That is true. You would be welcome, the three of you, to come and stay with us in the country when she’s a bit older, or, at any time, really.”
“Thank you very much, I’m very sure we’ll take you up on that offer.” It’s been about two years since he and Shinji last went out to visit them in their newish house. They moved away from the city when Kaworu and Shinji graduated from university, having only stayed close by to support them.
She excuses herself and goes to make tea, leaving Kaworu to sit with Tabitha for a while. He watches her sleep and counts her breaths, in and out, in and out.
“I love you, little one,” he says and keeps up his watch until Shinji comes back home and sits with him.
“They’re insisting on making dinner and I’m not about to stop them,” Shinji tells him.
“No, it’s been so long since they’ve cooked for us, they’re more than welcome.”
“Did my aunt ask any questions when I was gone?” Shinji asks, biting his lip.
“Yes, but she seems to have convinced herself that Tabitha is both ours and part of a government experiment.”
Shinji takes in a big breath and looks as though he’s about to explode at him but he lets it out slowly and glares.
“You will have to tell me how you did that later.”
Kaworu smiles and leans over, kissing him then resting against him so that they hold Tabitha between them as she sleeps.
“I honestly just told her the truth.”
Shinji hides his face in his hair and laughs. “I’m sure you did.”
***
Kaworu insists on carrying her everywhere and refuses use of the pram or pushchair Shinji uses when he takes her out shopping.
“I’m fine, she’s not that heavy and it’s more fun this way. We’re more mobile. Plus, she has a better view.”
“She’s seven months old, Kaworu, how much can she see?” Shinji mutters under his breath. They’re at Tokyo Tower on a group day out. Mari, Asuka and Rei are - of course - with them, though they’re battling the crowds in the gift shop whilst Shinji and Kaworu stand with Tabitha and watch the city around them.
She’s sat in the carrier facing outwards, wiggling her hands and arms about and trying to eat her fist.
“Are you happy?” Kaworu asks him.
Shinji turns to his husband to see him staring out at the city and studiously not looking anywhere else.
“Of course I am.”
Kaworu smiles and their eyes meet in the glass’ reflection.
Shinji - deciding this must be one of Kaworu’s odd ways of making sure he’s okay - moves closer and stands with his arm around his husband in such a way that he can hold onto Tabitha as well.
“I’m just tired and I still don’t really like crowds.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s fine. It really is fine and the view is lovely, and I’m sure - no matter what you say - that Tabitha is special enough to remember this in one way or another.” He bites his lip. “It’s just…”
“Go on,” Kaworu prods gently.
“Do you think we can afford it if I work less hours? I feel like I don’t get to spend much time with you both now I’m back full time. Either one of our friends is looking after Tabitha or you’re at work.”
“We can afford it, Shinji, you can check for yourself when we get home.”
He nods. “Okay, okay, I’ll tell work on Monday.”
***
Kaworu is passed out in his lap - having been up half the night with a crying and screaming Tabitha, and he’s just got back from a night at the observatory. It’s late - very late and his husband had done little more than hand him their baby before he collapsed and fell asleep.
“What’s wrong, Tabi?” Shinji asks, rocking her gently whilst she fusses and goes from the edge of tears to the edge of settling. “Is it because I was out late?” She whines and he cuddles her closely. “I’m not like Kaworu, I can’t float all three of us to bed and I know you’re too small to be able to do that yet. Thank goodness,” he adds, amused when he remembers thinking that was an actual possibility, yet still agreeing to parenthood with Kaworu anyway.
He has absolutely no regrets about it and he’s glad he took the chance. She is an unknown, a wonderful unknown, and they’re very lucky to have her.
Shinji feels very lucky to have her and Kaworu in his life.
“Come on then, little one, bed.” He goes to stand but she looks like she’s going to cry again so he sits back down, realising he can’t move far with the way Kaworu is lying.
“We can sleep here,” Kaworu mumbles.
“I thought you were asleep.”
“I was. It’ll be safe, I promise, lie down here.”
Shinji doesn’t question him and settles with his back to the sofa, Kaworu curled facing into him, and Tabitha settled between them. He swears he sees her smile before she falls asleep but he’s too tired to worry about the implications of that.
“I love you,” Kaworu mumbles, draping his arm over Shinji’s hip and promptly also falling asleep - again.
“I love you too.” Then Shinji’s yawning and falling under. Wondering - with equal parts anticipation and nervous excitement - what the future holds for their little family.
Fin