Chapter Text
Keith Kogane found himself in a situation that had become all too routine of late: Acting as the primary caretaker and escort home for one very drunk Lance McClain. Trying to drink as much as possible without blacking out had become Lance's favorite game, and he'd chosen Keith to be the referee.
Keith had foolishly picked a fight with Lance over his drinking habits.
“What? I never black out! How dare you! I always remember everything the next day!” Lance had insisted mid-argument.
Keith rolled his eyes. “There’s no way that’s true! I’ve seen you falling-on-your-ass wasted, like irresponsibly inebriated.”
“Hey, I may get fucked up, but I know my limits!” Lance stood firm.
“Sure you do...” Keith said, voice dripping with disbelief.
“Yeah? Well then I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you! AND I’ll prove that I don’t black out either!” Lance threatened. Keith hadn't meant to rile him up, but once Lance got an idea in his head, there was little that could be done to stop him.
“Okay Lance, prove it! Sounds like a great idea! What could possibly go wrong?” Keith spat sarcastically, his own anger flaring.
“It’s an excellent idea, thank you very much! I have a system and there are very clear rules.”
“A system? Uhh…” Keith had an inkling he was being roped into something he didn’t want to be a part of.
“We’re gonna use checkpoints. You give me random words while I’m drinking, then the next day, I’ll recall all of them and prove that I can be shit-faced and still remember everything," Lance explained. "But they have to be random words, not things that came up in conversation. Also-”
“Hold on. You want me to babysit you while you get progressively drunker and the end goal is to blackout?” Keith looked at Lance like he was crazy. “No thanks, not signing up for that.”
“No no no . I won’t black out! That’s the point!” Lance gesticulated like it was obvious.
“Lance, do you know how annoying you are when you’re drunk?”
“We’re doing this for science, Keith! Stop interfering with science!”
“One time. I’ll help you ONE time, just to show you what a bad idea this is,” had been Keith’s famous last words.
Stumbling home with his intoxicated friend hanging off his arm, Keith wondered for the umpteinth time how Lance had managed to charm him into being a part of his idiotic drinking game. It was already the fifth time he’d gone drinking with Lance and delivered him checkpoints. Or, maybe it was the sixth... He'd lost count. Either way, he should have known better than to get involved.
“Ah- Turn here,” Keith turned Lance by the shoulders, directing him down a path. “Shortcut through the park, remember?” Thanks to Lance being a terrible influence, Keith had had more drinks than usual that night and had nearly missed the turn himself.
“Aww, thanks! You’re the best!” Lance cried drunkenly and enthusiastically hugged Keith, earning a grunt and an annoyed glance.
“Anytime. Let’s just get you home.” Keith firmed his grip on Lance’s arm, more to keep him from running off and being a drunk fool than to help him keep his balance.
“Hey! Gimme another checkpoint!”
“Again? I gave you one when left the party.”
“I know, but the last drink is hitting me. Come on Keith, I have to prove I never black out!” He tugged on Keith’s arm.
“I’m pretty sure you’re blacking out already or will be soon...” Keith recalled watching Lance down the last half of a Long Island on their way out the door.
“Pleeeeeeeaaaaase!” Lance wailed, latching onto Keith in a bear hug.
“Ugh, fine!” Keith relented, shoving against Lance’s fierce hug. “Balmera.”
“Noooooo! You've used that one before! That’s against the rules! No repeats!” Lance began shaking Keith, who sighed exasperatedly.
“See? I remembered! Cuz I NEVER BLACK OUT! HOOO!!!” Lance screamed to the sky, shooting his arms overhead victoriously. He gasped, suddenly distracted. “A jungle gym!” He cried in delight and slipped free of Keith's grip to run as fast as his drunk legs would let him towards the playset.
“Lance! No!” Keith chased after him.
He caught up as Lance was struggling to climb the structure, unable to find the coordination to move his arms and legs in sync. Keith had to stifle a laugh at the sight. It was by far the most intoxicated Keith had ever seen him.
“Climb this rocket with me, Keith. Let's be astronauts!”
“You're not climbing. You're not an astronaut. And you're definitely blacking out right now,” Keith concluded.
“Am not!” Lance protested defiantly.
“Oh, I'd put money on it.”
“Yeah? Tell me a secret then if you’re so zu-zu-shzure,” Lance slurred.
“How about no,” Keith replied.
“See? You won’t cuz you know I never black out! I winnnnn!” He gloated, losing his balance on the structure. Keith put out his hand just in time to stop Lance’s head from smashing into the metal frame. He breathed Lance’s name under his breath like a curse word while his oblivious friend, now bored with the jungle gym, swayed on his feet in front of Keith.
“No, Keith, I want a secret this time! It’s time to up the stakes or you’ll never believe me,” Lance demanded.
“What are you even talking about?” He watched with mild irritation as Lance started spinning in circles, marveled at how dizzy he was, then spun the other way to see if it negated the effect.
As annoying as the last few outings with Lance had been, Keith had to admit he admired what a happy drunk Lance was. He could find amusement in anything. The world was one big game to him. Keith's irritation gave way to a smile as warm admiration spread through his body.
“A secret Keith!” Lance shouted as he nearly fell over.
He can be really obnoxious though...
Keith reminded himself and tried to stuff away any feelings of endearment he had for Lance. He needed to get the idiot home and said idiot’s short attention span and propensity for distraction weren’t helping. Perhaps he could use that to his advantage. He needed to hold Lance’s attention, and Keith knew that the best way to hold Lance McClain's attention was to bait him.
“Here’s a secret for you: I’m a complete idiot,” Keith laid out as bait.
Lance stopped spinning and looked at Keith confused, his body still drifting from residual dizziness. “Huh? “That’s not really a secret, Keith.”
“You calling me an idiot?”
“You called yourself an idiot!” Lance paused. “But why are you an idiot?”
“Oh, I have a really good reason why," Keith said enticingly and walked towards Lance, holding eye contact.
“Yeah? Wh-What is it?”
Because I fell for an even bigger idiot like you...
Keith ignored a twinge in his stomach. Lance was interested. His plan was working, at least.
“Nope, no follow-up questions.” He put up his hand and broke eye contact while continuing past Lance, hoping to lure him in the direction of their destination.
“No! I wanna know!”
“Too bad. You never will,” Keith shook his head, indicating there would be no further discussion and kept walking. It had taken Keith a long time to admit his feelings for Lance to himself. He wasn't about to share them with anyone else, even if it somehow helped get Lance home faster.
“Keeeeiiith, that not fair!” Lance stumbled after him reaching for his friend’s shoulder, but he misjudged the distance and tripped into the other man. Keith grabbed his friend and struggled to keep him on his feet. Lance struggled too but in completely unhelpful ways. Keith realized they were losing the battle to stay upright, so he wrapped both arms around Lance and used what momentum he could to roll the two of them safely to the ground. Keith landed on his back on the ground, Lance landed sideways at a skewed angle on top of Keith.
“Oops, I fell!” Lance announced as though he’d done a trick.
Keith let out a frustrated sigh.
So much for that plan...
“Keith, why are you on the ground?!” Lance asked genuinely surprised.
Keith’s frustration quickly dissolved into laughter. “Oh my god, I am the biggest idiot for dealing your drunk ass all the time!”
Lance rolled to the side of his friend. “Nah, you love my drunk ass. Everybody loves drunk Lance!” He yelled, arms extended.
“You have no idea how much I do. There's a real secret for you.” Keith stiffened, realizing what he'd said. He'd just told himself there was no way in hell he was going to tell anyone about his feelings, let alone Lance... He had a sudden realization that he was nowhere near as sober as he’d thought.
“Wait, you what?” Lance asked.
Oh shit...
“Nothing, Lance,” Keith maintained himself.
“Hmmm, I think you just implied you love me,” Lance said with a sly grin.
“Sure Lance, not like you’re going to remember tomorrow anyway.” Keith, still laying on the grass, rubbed his eyes. “It’s late, can we go h-”
“HE LOVES ME!!!” Lance jumped up and shouted at the top of his lungs, flailing his arms in victory again.
“Don’t shout it so loud!”
“It’s okay! I’M NOT GONNA REMEMBER!”
“But the rest of the world will!” Keith sat up to check that the park was empty.
Upon turning back to his friend, Keith saw he’d started spinning in circles again.
“LANCE,” Keith said firmly as he reached for one of Lance's legs to get him to stop spinning.
“He loves me!” Lance looked down and told him as though he wasn’t the one who said it. Keith was pretty sure he was just repeating the last thing he heard.
“Yeah, he loves you like crazy. Now let’s go home please.” Keith moved to get up but was quickly tackled into a hug.
“Thanks, buddy! I love you too!” Lance proclaimed, squishing Keith into the ground again and squeezing the air out of him.
When Lance sat back from attacking him, Keith, though dazed, was acutely aware that Lance was nearly straddling him. Between the alcohol, late hour, and Lance’s weight on top of him, Keith’s inhibitions were blunted.
“No, you idiot. I mean it like this.” He reached up and gently placed his hand against Lance’s cheek, cupping his face. They locked eyes for a frightening moment. Keith went breathless as he traced Lance’s jawline with his fingers. He brushed his thumb over Lance’s impossibly smooth cheek for a second before his inhibitions caught up to him. He quickly pulled back. Keith was finding it hard to swallow, certain Lance couldn't have mistaken the meaning this time.
Lance’s face was unreadable in the dark night. Keith started to think he’d made a horrible mistake.
“Forget it,” he tore his eyes away and moved to get up, but Lance rested more weight against him, pushing him into the cold ground. Lance picked up the hand that had been against his face and turned it over in his lap, inspecting it. His fingers were hot against Keith’s palm. Keith wondered if Lance was aware he was now completely straddling him.
“You love me…” Lance paused, still contemplating Keith’s hand, “...like this.” He pressed Keith’s palm flush against his cheek.
Keith couldn’t tell if it was a statement or a question or if Lance was just repeating things. He was a deer caught in the headlights. His brain scrambled to find something to say.
“I- uh-” His hand was burning against Lance’s face, but he was too paralyzed to move, torn between wanting to crawl out of his skin and not wanting the present moment to end.
An eyebrow twitched mischievously on Lance’s face. He slid Keith's hand down across his cheek.
"You love me...” he brushed Keith’s fingers over his lips, “...like this.” Hot breath enveloped Keith’s fingertips, causing his abs to tighten. Lance parted his lips slightly and let one fingertip slip into his mouth. A small moan escaped Keith as Lance gently grazed the digit with his tongue. Lance paused and pulled the hand back for a moment, watching Keith’s reaction.
Keith stared wide-eyed. The smirk on Lance’s face made him wonder if this was just another one of Lance's games.
“Like this?” Lance asked again. He breathed hotly against Keith’s finger and ran his tongue up its length from knuckle to fingertip. Every muscle in Keith's body tightened. He gripped the outside Lance's thigh in surprise with his other hand.
“Oh my god, yes! Like that!" Keith admitted freely. He would have admitted anything if Lance kept doing that.
Lance closed his lips around the fingertip and slowly pulled it out of his mouth. He leaned over his friend, moving his face closer.
“You love me,” he stated this time, “like this?” Lance suddenly shoved Keith’s hand in-between his legs and held it there. Keith had a fraction of a second to gasp in shock before Lance’s lips covered his own. It took Keith, who was still stuck on the fact that his hand was on Lance's crotch, a moment to realize they were kissing. His brain flashed between kiss, hand, kiss, hand, and then: tongue. Suddenly, he couldn't think at all. Lance’s tongue was in his mouth, wet, sloppy, and drunken.
Lance pressed his weight into Keith’s hips. Keith broke from the kiss with a groan in the back of his throat. Lance moved to his neck, causing Keith to breathe out sharply at the sensation of Lance’s lips and tongue colliding with his skin.
Keith could feel Lance getting harder against his palm through his skinny jeans. He moved his hand along the hardening mass. In response, Lance slid his hand up Keith’s thigh and over his crotch. Keith pushed his hips up into Lance’s hand and let his head fall back. Lance fumbled awkwardly at the button on Keith's pants. Keith shifted, giving him better access.
Oh shit, this is happening...
Keith held his breath as he felt his fly unzip and Lance's hand dart over the fabric of his boxer briefs. His abs pulled tight in anticipation.
The anticipation seemed to drag on forever. Time felt like it had stopped. And then suddenly, the moment was very quiet and still. Keith peered down at the face buried in his neck, then at the motionless hand at his waistband.
“Lance?” Keith shook the man on top of him. A raspy breath and a snort met his neck. Keith quickly pushed Lance off of him. The drunk man’s head lolled to the side as he rolled onto the grass, deep in slumber. Lance had completely passed out.
Keith stared at him, mouth agape. He ran his hands through his hair trying to process what had just happened. A slew of questions flooded his mind. Questions he was too inebriated to deal with in that moment.
He stared at his hand. A hand that mere moments ago had been pawing at Lance’s dick. He turned to look at his blissfully passed out friend.
“What the fuck, Lance?” He whispered fiercely as he buttoned his pants.
“I bet you claim you don’t pass out either, you jerk.” Keith glared at Lance, but his sleeping face softened his expression.
“Ugh... Why are the hell do I like you so much??” Keith complained to the sleeping man.
With a sigh, he hoisted Lance over his shoulder and carried the drunk bastard home.