Chapter Text
1985 Severus Snape
Severus was not surprised that he found himself once again in the dungy back allies of Deagon Alley, he's become somewhat of a patrient with knowing nods of greating comming from unsavory shop owners and other frequent shoppers. He wasn't surprised that in surtain shop sellers gave him winks and nods when "special" orders where broaght in, No not much surpized the Possion master nor impressed him- he certainly is not impressed with the amount of alcohol that Regulus Black had just downed. Small vails of alchoholic concuctions never more then a finger's length away. The kid was fresh out of Hogwarts and already spiralling out of control, in the deeper parts of Severus’s mind he pitied Regulus but for the most part he was just disgusted. Here he was the heir to the black fortune, the boy-no-man who would want for nothing and gets everything. Drowning out his sorrows for the 'one' thing he cannot have-the spoiled prat.
If Severus was ½ the occlumency expert he was he would have Snarled something insightful to Regulus, but he wasn’t so instead he scowled at the younger man’s inability to hold his liqueur.
“Could you be anymore shitfaced Black?” snarling “ one pint and you’re already crying for some imaginative woman.” he peared down from his large nose, not so different from a volture eyeing it's meal. "You haven't even met her, let alone get your heart broken." Ah yes, Regulus like so many young wizard was searching desperately for his ‘one’ too bad that his mother was only letting him see pure blood witches.
“NO! She’s not imaginary!*hick-up* I just haven’t found her yet!” standing on his wobbly legs Regulus tried and failed miserably at punching Severus. The Black heir ended up sprawled on the floor of the ally. The Alley in which probably had more flesh eating bacteria and fungal diseases then a rotting carcass in Brazil. “Why can’t you just be nice *gag* to me!”
Crouching down to be at eye level with the drunken wizard, Severus all but hissed out “my picking you up from this place at such an ungodly hour is more than nice, you blubbering idiot.” Roughly his long poison stained fingers clutched onto Regulus’s silken hair. “Most noble house or not, If you do not pick yourself up from the ground I’ll drag you by your hair back to your mother…whom I may add sent a howler at me to pick up her overzealous son and prevent him from giving the wrong impression of his persona to the world.”
“Shut up! I’m just having a drink! Why she always sending you anyways? You don’t even know her!” Severus tightened his massive hand over the younger wizards scalp.
“She won’t know you, if you don’t get up!” his bad mood spiking up at the mention of Mrs Back and why she felt entitled to ordering Severus around. “You will keep your mouth shut and not interfere with the apparition.” And with that he took Regulus back to the Black manner. To house that kept within its door the dark penetrating all-knowing eyes of Mrs Back. Taking Severus back to the years in which lead him to the mistress who handed him over the Dark Lord.
TIME SKIP
The earliest memory that Severus has, is that of his father. Tobias Snape had four year old Severus on his shoulders, pointing at the night sky and explaining to young Severus the location of constellations. Severus could still feel the short wisps of light hair flowing through his fingers, his father’s hair had always fascinated Severus; each strand would curl and twist at the oddest of places. Unlike his own lanky volume less hair, his father’s hair always jutted out, prickly with static electricity.
By some misconception many people believed Tobias at being an abusive parent, Severus could remember no case that lead with any abuse, but perhaps it was the fact that his father was a boxing enthusiast that had Severus in every gym, mat, and poorly constructed ring since he could walk. Leading to several bruises and broken bones. Severus would never say anything of course since as his father had declaired it as “our little secret” and never would a son rat out his father. Tobias also had no idea what an inside voice was, so a normal conversation could at most times be heart across the street.
Tobias was a rather intelligent man, he was the head chemist in a dynamite plant and tutored physics on the weekend. He believed in logic, science and natural laws. Magic for him was none of these things, there for it was wickedness, he could not stand seeing his wife do magic and even less in seeing Severus. It was the main reason Tobias and Eileen screamed at each other. The other reason was the ‘nonsense’ of the ‘one’
You see, Tobias couldn’t wrap him mind around someone falling in love with another just by sight, he argued that one needed dates and knowledge of the persons back ground and family to find a compatible match. He had dated his mother for 5 years before marrying her, while she had been ready to marry him 6 years before their marriage.
His father while carrying Severus on his shoulders had explained that the greatest achievements by man was that of which was achieved by choice. “Severus my boy, we need air, sunlight, and water to live but technology, science, books, poems, sport, friends, are all that the thing that we choose to love, they are all the things that make life worth living!” he would then laugh “if man hadn’t loved the starts we would have never reached the moon!”
The “stars” metaphor had haunted his childhood. Whenever his parent fought, with each thrown dish and curse word his father would always shout “Why can’t you choose! Do you even know what love is! You don’t love me! You don’t love…anything.”
“I’ve known I loved you since the moment I first say you-you stuffy inconsiderate muggle!”
“Like the star’s Eileen or like a drug? Oxygen? Need—why can’t you want me!”
“I need you to live!”
“There’s your problem love, you need me but I don’t need you...” It had never made any since to Severus, his parents for the most part where good to each other, but anything could set his father in a wild rage. Tobias Snape when angry never got physical, if anything he got really unphysical—he’d leave, and come back two or three days later. He’d apologise to a usually frantic Eileen and a scared son hiding inside his room.
It wasn’t until Severus met Lily Evans that he contemplated soul mates, and it wasn’t till he went to Hogwarts that made him wish he’d never had a soul to begin with.
Hogwarts 1st year Sirius Black
Sirius thought himself the luckiest boy on the planet for finding his ‘one’, his bond in a matter of minutes after boarding the Hogwarts Express. Remus Lupin was everything he’d ever wanted in a bond: smart, funny, adventuress, brave, loyal and not a Slytherin. At least he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be a Slytherin, by the way Remus shyly laughed at Sirius’s jokes about incest amongst the pure bloods. Sirius knew that he’d stand by Remus for forever and his family would just have to either live with it or throw him out (most likely the latter).
And then the universe threw a curve ball at him.
Severus Snape—who-why-in-all-that is real in this world bringing such a guy into his life? A small, scrawny boy who looked like he was drowning in his own robes with such a large nose that Sirius wondered how he stood upright. But Sirius had felt it, the same pull and feeling of rightness came over him as it had with Remus. The bond whispered in his ear to come closer the dark haired stranger. He felt Remus next to him along with his new best mate James Potter. Willing himself to stay put, unlike James who was already making his way to a rather tall red head.
“Mate, you rubbed off some of your good luck.” James smiled his hazel eyes twinkling behind his glasses. He beelined straight to the red head, making a show of his Potter Pureblood stride. Sirius himself had practiced a stride since he was four. First impressions where very important to pure bloods of any standing, after all it would be the first thing one’s ‘one’ would see first. Sirius was even sure that Peter had a stride small as he was also Pureblood. Some Pureblood families even had a signature stride. The Malfoys never looked down and kept their backs straight with little swinging of their arms. While the Great and Noble House of Black displayed square shoulders, a straight back, a slight swing their arms and a slight tilt of the head up-not too much, for then it would look like the Lestrange’s stride. The Potters stride was a slight variation, a straight look ahead with a grin and powerful stride of both legs and arms. Sirius had been very proud of himself for striding all the way from his home to the train (his father had actually given him a proud look) and right into the compartment that had Remus in it. Remus had blushed a bright red when seeing Sirius make his way towards him (who’d a thought something his parents taught him had actual value).
The pretty red head that stood next to the black crow of a child looked slightly taken aback by James’s approach. Her green eyes narrowed and she clutched the little boy’s left hand in her own hands. That one act, that one union of hands had forever sealed the fate of Severus Snape and James Potter—they would never be friends. The three exchanged greeting, which then turned to back handed complement to full blown insults. By the time James looked ready to pummel the little bond-terrorist a professor with sharp eyes hoarded them to the main hall.
After the excitement of floating candles and ghosts wore off, the sorted hat put himself and Remus, Peter, and James in the same house. When Lily Evans got called and placed into Gryffindor as well, no one cheered louder than James. And Sirius didn’t know if he was relieved or horrified that Severus Snape was put in Slytherin.
Hogwarts 2nd year Remus Lupin
Remus couldn’t complain, he had mates that where reliable and loyal, good marks for classes, he belonged (in his opinion) in the best house that Hogwarts had to offer and most of all he had his mate or bonds/ones as his human counterpart called Sirius. He was a werewolf who shouldn’t even have a bucket to piss in, let alone a family that loved him and friend who accepted him. No, Remus certainly had nothing to complain about, life had given him more than enough to be happy; yet there was something missing, or more like someone.
He had felt surprised the first time he saw Severus Snape, the short delicate boy with eyes darker than ink had stolen his heart the mere second he had seen him on the Hogwarts Express. Remus had fought against his basic nature and didn’t sit next to Severus (ah, such a sensual name) for he had been told by his father that it would be best due to his condition that if he came upon his bond that he should approach him or her with a clear plan, to gain his or her trust first, instead of just jump straight into the emotion. Remus would need to know that special someone’s back ground and beliefs first and then only when certain, with the Headmasters permission, could he reveal his condition.
Remus had quickly, before catching the boy’s eye, darted straight out of the compartment only to witness Sirius Black strut down the aisle and steal the air out of his lungs. He had been so overwhelmed that his first word with his second one where little more than shy whispers. The next emotion had been confusion. This could only be happening to him because of the lycanthropy was his first thought, so he stifled it. The next emotion had been shame, shame for not being satisfied with what he had; shame for not only loving Sirius but loving Severus as well.
But Sirius had been so sure. So easy to trust and wouldn’t let any detail of Remus’s life go unknown un-documented within his stormy grey eyes. Sirius had announced their bond the minute they’d been sorted into Gryffindor and sat down to feast, declaring to the world something that both sounded right to Remus’s ears as well as gave him stomach ache.
His first year at Hogwarts had been that of a frustrated youth, scared of having anyone find out about his lycanthropy and his wrongness. He did everything in his power to support Sirius. That way, no one would ever question his rightfulness of being Sirius’ one. He swallowed his tongue whenever his mates became Severus’bullies. Even though it made him feel like shit for not protecting his one, he felt even worse when he was happy when Severus won against James and Sirius. His unattainable one was brilliant in all aspects of school and was so smart, that even 7th year students watched him with envy. Remus found it harder with each day not to smile at Severus’s triumphs and glare wickedly at Lilly Even whenever she was around.
By second year, Remus knew that he would always be living with half of himself.
3rd year Severus Snape
He hated the world. Severus was a constant battle fighting to stay infatuated with his perfect best friend Lilly and not go running after Sirius and Remus like a lap dog. His mind had chosen Lily as the ruler of his heart but his heart had elected the two idiot golden boys instead. Why couldn’t the world understand that he just couldn’t be with them?
What really made Severus believe that the great cosmos had it out for him is the fact that no matter where he went, no matter what he did or who he was with Remus or Sirius or both would be there. In fact Severus was pretty sure that 1/3 of all bumping into the golden couple was due to the cosmos. The other 2/3 is due to himself.
Yes, Severus hated himself-He watched them—no—stalked them. Like some poor pathetic pet needy of his masters attention. But he couldn’t help it… any contact even if small or violent was better than no contact. He was relieved that Sirius and James bullied him. Even though the things they said hurt and the bruises lasted for days ,but at least for those moment he was being paid attention to.
He knew it had to stop. It was not only giving him a bad reputation but it was also going to make people question his motives. In the wizarding world, once someone has declared a bond then it is taboo to initiate any kind of physical contact or friendship without both bond mates feeling alright with the contact. If someone imposed their presence, or initiated an unwilling bond they would be branded a pervert, a freak. Potter, of course, was excused from such labelling, as were his friends, seeing as Lily was his one and (In Potter’s opinion) was playing hard to get, giving him the right to bully Severus for having contact with his one without his consent. Potter’s friends were being good friends by helping him try to remove James’s “obstacle”. Sirius and Remus were bonded, therefore since they both seemed okay with having contact with Severus then it was excused and Peter hadn’t found his one yet so he was a free man.
It irked Severus to know that Lily, his sweet innocent Lily (who deserved way more than Potter) could show these same bullying traits. Although she would never outright harass someone, he’d once caught her glair at Sissy Newmen when she gave Potter a valentine.
But this ear would be different, this year, before Halloween, Severus would be giving himself a gift; he’d finally end his one-sided bond and be free to choose his love. SIDERA, he would call the potion, the reverse amortentia. He delicately scrawled the name of his creation on the vile; its star like colour gave him comfort. It had taken him the better half of his second year as well as all summer and two months to do the research, four days of precise brewing and one whole day of letting the chemicals sit. The ingredients had been a pretty penny but all good things come with a price.
Finally the day had come, it was Halloween and he was determined to go trick-o-treating without following Black and Lupin like a lost puppy. Lily would be upset, since she always made him dress up in something matching to her costume. Although the idea of participating in such a muggle custom had been an assignment from the Muggle Studies teacher years ago, the idea had been so popular among the students that in soon became a tradition in Hogwarts. Dumbledore, with his twinkling eyes, had the castle decorated from tower to dungeon in Halloween cheer. Food, classes, and activities throughout the day where Halloween themed. The students would go out trick-o-treating by 7pm be back by 9:30 pm to slip into their ball gowns for the Halloween dance from 10pm to 1am. And this year Halloween landed on a Saturday, by Friday everyone was talking about their dates, their ones and their costumes.
Taking hold the star-dust coloured potion, he downed it all in one go. Tasteless, odourless, yetas he drank it a pleasant, bubbly feeling grew in his stomach—the effects where instantaneous, he felt free, relieved, and intoxicated. Smiling he slipped into his costume and marched out into a new world, a new life ahead of him.
By 3rd period Severus felt arrogant, he was, in his eyes, the potion god. He had done the impossible, he’d cheated fate. He smirked at Slughorn whenever he had the chance, sneering at the simple candy cane potion the class were making.
By 4th period he felt giddy, his history of Magic class was going over muggle history of all hollows eve and it’s over lapping to the real wizard world.
By 5th period DADA felt like a joke and he hadn’t glanced over at Remus or Sirius once or thought about either of them.
By 6th period Severus kept his mind on all things but those two, he felt lighter, smarter, better, and free. He completely missed Sirius’s longing looks and Remus’s dopey smile, all aimed at him.
The last class of the day was cancelled, due to need for preparation. After all, there would be a costume contest that came with its own trophy given to the house with the best participants. Slytherin had held the cup for 3 years till last year which had been stolen from them by Hufflepuff (of all the houses to lose to!). All costumes had to be 95% handmade, they would be judged by three teachers that were not the head of house. Couple outfits gave you more points. Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black had been crowned Halloween king and queen two years ago and lost to a Hufflepuff couple last year. Lucius would not fail again; he had every house elf given to him by his family sewing since September. He and his one would be fairy king and queen, with diamond encrusted wings and glitter on their cheeks.
Severus headed out to the night, alone his leather bat wings cloak (courtesy of his to-much-time on her hands mother) fury mask and tight leather pants (he knew somewhere his father was choking on his cigarette) his only magic was used to charm his cut out leather ears to twitch and stand up straight. He’d earned his house two points for effort.
He would have never guessed that this Halloween would be his worse Halloween yet. He should have taken a second look at his back the swollen purple blotches made his costume fit snugly; he should have seen his blown pupils and noted his aching joints. He had confused his good mood with being free of a one sided bond, not a chemical imbalance of his hormones. He had no idea that he was latterly teetering between life and death.
By 8:00 pm all he heard in warning was the sickening pop of skin tearing, blood running down his legs and the floor coming rapidly close to his face. He screamed, his body twisted, bones crunched, tendons strained, his body convulsed. Children screamed…the world went black.