Chapter Text
Izuku’s feeling…reflective. His past few sessions with Hound Dog had been rather insightful (since he finally decided to open up a bit more), and it’s given him a lot to think about. That’s not to say that his life hasn’t been pretty exciting lately either. Izuku’s never been good with change…but he’s been quite okay with how things have been turning out.
And to be honest, even though things seem a lot different, a lot is still the same.
Izuku sighs and nuzzles his face further against Kacchan’s chest, for once not feeling overwhelmed by the heat of his sleeping body and instead comforted by the familiar warmth. It’s his favorite way to wake up—or at least a close tie with waking up snuggled between his fathers. (Something that will never cease to leave him feeling far happier than he ever imagined himself being able to feel. Him? Having parents that love him? Who would’ve thought.)
“Zuku, is there something on your mind?”
Izuku stiffens at Kacchan’s gruff sleepy voice. “Oh, I didn’t know you were awake.”
Kacchan huffs a laugh. “Yeah, well, you’ve been staring at my nipple for the past five minutes and I know they’re pretty, but it’s getting a little weird.”
Izuku yelps and sits up, incidentally ripping the covers off Kacchan and exposing his full, bare chest. “Sorry!”
Oh god, he is pretty. Even his nipples. Izuku didn’t think he would have to deal with thoughts like this so soon after waking up, but he’s also a teenager and not immune to hormones. (It’s totally not his fault though, he wasn’t even focused on Kacchan until he spoke.)
Kacchan frowns. “I swear to god, nerd, if you were analyzing my nipple I’m going to be very concerned.”
Izuku waves his hands, feeling incredibly flustered. “I would never—well, I’m me , I can totally believe I would do something like that—but I promise that’s not what I was thinking about. To be honest, I didn’t even know you were awake since you usually play with my hair to wake me up, but I woke up before you started doing it so I just assumed that you were still sleeping—”
Kacchan snorts. “Take a breath, nerd. I was just messing with you, figured you were spaced out like usual.”
Izuku pouts and buries his flushed face in his hands. “Mean, Kacchan.”
“You still love me.”
Izuku slowly lowers his hands even though he’s still blushing. “Of course I still love you. I’ll never stop.”
It’s Kacchan’s turn to blush. “It’s too early for that kind of romance, tone it down.”
Izuku lifts a brow. “I don’t know, from what I’ve read online, it’s actually some people's preference to be more romantic in the morning.”
Kacchan blinks, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “If you just tried to make a reference to morning sex I’m going to be very disappointed in you.”
Izuku shrugs nonchalantly. “You’re the one that suggested it, not me.”
Kacchan shakes his head, looking displeased, but Izuku can clearly see the amused sheen in his eyes. “I should tell your fathers.”
“Are you trying to tell me that they wouldn’t agree with me? They’re grown gay men.”
Kacchan groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “Thanks, Zuku, I really needed the mental image of two of my teachers boning.” Izuku giggles, avoiding the arm Kacchan flings at him. He sighs, sitting up in bed and leaving the comforter to pool around Kacchan’s hips. It gives the alluring image that Kacchan’s actually naked under the blankets and Izuku’s lizard brain seems to really like that idea right about now.
Then he realizes what he’s thinking about just a few seconds too late when something starts to react. Shit .
Izuku’s eyes widen and he pales. “I, uh—I need to go to the…bathroom.”
Kacchan frowns, tilting his head as Izuku stumbles out of the bed (carefully covering his crotch, nonetheless) and flees to the bathroom. He slams the door behind himself, making sure to flip the lock, leaning against it and groaning quietly when the tent in his pants only gets larger.
Why did his typical teenager functions have to start working correctly now ?
Alright, Izuku’s read about this before. It’s a perfectly normal reaction to an arousing stimuli, and Kacchan is— fuck ! Stop thinking about Kacchan! Think about something else.
Kirishima wearing crocs.
Hizashi’s bunny slippers.
Shigaraki’s crusty lips.
Izuku cringes at his own mental image, but hey, it’s starting to work.
Katsudon.
All Might.
Izuku sighs and stands up straighter. Yeah, All Might is surely enough to kill the mood he was in. Izuku’s always worshiped the man, but the only thing about him that’s really his type is his blonde hair.
Kacchan has blonde hair.
Izuku hisses and grabs the fabric of his pants, accidentally creating enough friction that he whines. So much for that.
The handle turns, but doesn’t open thankfully, and then someone knocks. “Uh, Izuku, you alright in there, nerd? You’re making a lot of noises that shouldn’t be made while taking a piss. Unlock the door.”
Izuku slides down the wall, suppressing another noise. “Toshi—I need Hitoshi.”
Kacchan stays silent for a few seconds, then sighs. “Yeah, fine, whatever.” Izuku sighs when Kacchan walks away from the bathroom, and he lets loose a quiet whimper once the bedroom door is opened.
A few moments later, someone else knocks at the door. It’s a much more tired voice that speaks this time. “Zuku? Can you let me in?”
Izuku leans over and flips the lock, dragging his towel off the hook and throwing it over his lap as Hitoshi closes the door behind himself and slides down on the floor across from him.
“I need your help, Toshi.”
Hitoshi lowers his brows as he studies Izuku, eyes lingering slightly on the way he’s making an effort to conceal himself. “What’s up? You look—”
Izuku grimaces. “Please don’t finish that sentence. Just tell me that Kacchan didn’t come back with you and can’t hear us.”
Hitoshi stiffens, narrowing his eyes. “Why, what did he do?”
Izuku waves his hands. “No! No, he didn’t do anything,” Izuku mutters to himself, “Well, he may have been the cause of something—but he wasn’t trying to do anything! I promise!”
“Izuku, you’re concerning me.” Hitoshi reaches over and takes one of Izuku’s hands. “Spit it out.”
Izuku groans and slaps a hand over his eyes. “I have a boner.”
Hitoshi slowly pulls his hand away. “...Oh.”
Izuku continues blabbering, but fails to notice how red Hitoshi has turned because he’s still covering his eyes. “It’s not Kacchan’s fault, really, but I just looked at him this morning and noticed how pretty he is. I mean, Toshi, have you seen how amazing his muscle definition is? He never looked like that growing up and I can really tell that he’s been working hard on making himself stronger, and oh my god , the way he’s been treating me? First he confesses his feelings for me and kisses me, and then he constantly goes out of his way to make sure that I’m always happy and protected. And you’ve got to admit that even though he can be really mean he really cares about people—”
Hitoshi snorts. “Holy shit, Izuku. Stop and take a breath.”
Izuku gulps in a breath of air, finally lowering his hand to smile sheepishly at Hitoshi. “I’m sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous.”
Hitoshi nods, definitely looking amused. “You always mumble and ramble, but that, just now? It’s like someone gave a chipmunk caffeine.”
Izuku blushes, biting his bottom lip. “I know…sorry.”
Hitoshi smiles, looking far less mortified. “It’s alright. Kind of cute, really. I’ve never seen you flustered over something like this before.” He lowers his brows, studying Izuku. “You do know it’s normal, right?”
Izuku scoffs, crossing his arms petulantly. “Of course I know it’s normal . But that doesn’t mean it’s something I’ve had to deal with before—”
Hitoshi puts up a hand, stopping him. “Wait, what? Are you trying to say you’ve never had a boner before? Dude, you’re fifteen.”
Izuku frowns defensively. “Yes, I’m aware.”
Hitoshi pinches the bridge of his nose. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather talk to Uncle Shouta? Hell, even Uncle Zashi?”
Izuku frantically shakes his head. “Absolutely not.” Not only would he die of mortification having to talk to one of his fathers about this, it could also affect them allowing Kacchan to keep living for them. Izuku’s not sure they would be alright with him doing such… debauced things while under their roof. (Even though the rational part of his brain tries to tell him that of anyone, Hizashi and Shouta would be the ones that would understand.)
Hitoshi takes a deep breath. “Right, okay. Um,” He nods unsurely. “I, uh—to be honest, I’m not sure what you want me to say. I’m your best friend and all, but I don’t think I can really give you a proper sex talk. Not that I don’t love you, it’s just—”
Izuku winces, shaking his head again. “No, I don’t need that . I just—how do I control it so it doesn’t happen in front of Kacchan again?”
Hitoshi gives him a blank look. “Oh, sweetie.”
Izuku leans over and slaps at his cousin. “Don’t patronize me, asshole!”
Hitoshi giggles and swats back at Izuku. “Stop! I’m sorry! I wasn’t patronizing.”
Izuku leans back with a huff, crossing his arms again. “I thought you would have some tips considering you have a boyfriend too.”
Hitoshi poorly holds back a laugh. “Izuku… bro —boners are going to happen whether you want them to or not. And honestly, let’s be glad that it happened around your boyfriend and not over something far more embarrassing. Hell, Denks get aroused by proper electrical cord storage—and that was a fun experience when I showed him my gaming setup at home, let me tell you.”
Izuku scowls. “You didn’t need to tell me that.”
Hitoshi shrugs. “Well, no, I didn’t need to—but you feel less awkward about what happened to you now, don’t you?”
Izuku blinks twice. “Actually, yeah. I do feel better.” He uncovers his lap, sighing in relief.
Hitoshi slaps his thighs and stands up. “Well, that’s enough awkward for me before seven in the morning. Would you like some tea?”
Izuku takes the hand Hitoshi offers him and stands up. “Tea would be lovely, Toshi.”
“Good,” He shoves Izuku into the bedroom—where Kacchan’s sitting on the edge of their bed looking positively flustered. (Izuku’s brain chooses now to remind him that Toshi never confirmed or denied Kacchan’s whereabouts when he came into the bathroom.) Hitoshi leans down and whispers in his ear. “Now go talk to your boyfriend, like you should’ve done in the first place.” He straightens up and walks towards the door, waving over his shoulder playfully. “Later, Blasty. Have funnnn.”
Izuku buries his face in his hands as Hitoshi closes the door. “Oh my god, Kacchan, I’m so sorry.”
“What the fuck are you sorry for?” Kacchan rasps.
Izuku lowers his hands, not used to hearing him so…affected.
Kacchan rolls his eyes. “You’re dense if you don’t think it happens to me all the time.”
Izuku’s jaw drops open as what he’s implying sinks in. “You—what?”
Kacchan scoffs. “Oh my god, Izuku, do you know how fucking pretty you are? It’s unfair how cute those goddamn freckles of yours are, not to mention you’ve got the best ass like, ever . And then your personality,” Kacchan throws his hands up, shaking his fists. “For fucks sake you’re such a good person and I hate that it’s what gets me going! Fuck , you’re so cute.”
Izuku did not think this is how their conversation was going to go. First of all, he can’t decide which one of them is blushing more, and he really likes the look on Kacchan. Second, both of them gushed about their favorite things about the other (unknowingly, for Izuku) and he wasn’t ready to hear Kacchan telling him he has a great ass. (Though it is greatly appreciated.)
Izuku opens and closes his mouth a few times, not sure how to respond. But he mentally facepalms when the first thing out of his mouth is, “You think I’m pretty?”
Kacchan tugs at his hair, eyes wide. “What do you mean? You’re fucking beautiful, Izuku. I thought you knew that!”
Izuku flushes. “Well I certainly do now.”
Of course he’s been told for years by others that he was attractive. (Though they were always people that didn’t know his quirk status and he never felt very validated by the comments.) Though he’s scrawny, it never seemed to affect his assets (literally). A long time ago he thought his smaller waist and bigger hips were a curse, but he accepted them after a while. Yeah, his figure may be a bit more feminine, but he has no desire to be overly masculine either.
“Oi, nerd, I can hear you thinking. Please say something so I don’t feel like such an idiot.”
Izuku smiles awkwardly. “Exactly how much of my rant to Hitoshi did you hear?”
“All of it.”
Izuku spirals and wonders how he’s going to regain his sanity. “Wonderful.”
Kacchan’s brows lower. “Zuku…it’s alright . I kind of came on strong about it, but I was trying to tell you that it’s fine. It’s going to keep happening, and I don’t need you running away embarrassed every time.” He snorts. “Come to think of it—we could probably have a bit more fun if you didn’t run away from me.”
Izuku’s left eye twitches. “Are you trying to get my dads to kick you out? Because the second they learn we did something like that you’ll be sent back to the dorms permanently.”
Kacchan sighs, opening his arms. Izuku sighs too and crosses the room, lowering himself to sit in Kacchan lap as he’s wrapped in a warm embrace. “It’s alright, Zuku. We’re not going to do anything until you’re ready to. I’d never push you.”
Izuku sighs, melting into Kacchan’s touch. “It just…never happened before. I got scared.”
Kacchan rubs a soothing path along his spine. “I know, nerd. It’s okay. But I’m your boyfriend—and your best friend—this is something we can deal with together. You don’t need to be scared of what I’m going to think. I’m always going to love you either way.”
Izuku pouts crankily. “Stop being so nice, I can only handle so much at once.”
“Shut up, fucker.”
Izuku smiles as he begins to relax in Kacchan’s arms. “I love you too, Katsuki.”
******
Shouta pauses in the hallway when his nephew walks out of Izuku’s room, looking rather smug. “Toshi, what were you doing in there?”
Hitoshi lazily looks over at him, still grinning like a fool. “Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He saunters past Shouta towards the kitchen. “Also, if you’re going to get them for breakfast—I would wait a few minutes. They’re talking about something important.”
Shouta whirls around and snatches his nephew by the back of his shirt. “Talk. Now.”
Hitoshi snorts. “Nope, not going to happen. I won’t betray Izuku like that.”
Shouta raises a brow and goes in for the kill. “What about Katsuki?”
Hitoshi groans, turning to face Shouta. “Fine, whatever. Just remember that you’re the one that asked. Izuku had a teenager moment and asked for my help—which I gave, thank you very much—so you don’t need to do anything. Just let them talk it out, alright?”
Shouta lowers his brows. “Teenager moment?” The fuck does that mean?
Hitoshi bares his teeth in a strange smile. “I value my sanity, so I really would rather not talk about this.” When Shouta starts tightening his hand in Hitoshi’s shirt, he gulps. “Fucking— fine !” He leans in and whispers, “Zuku had a boner and didn’t know what to do. There, happy?”
Shouta shoves Hitoshi back, frowning. “Go eat your breakfast.”
Hitoshi salutes him, quickly retreating to the kitchen where Shouto is eating his second helping of cold soba just this morning. “That’s all I wanted to do in the first place.”
Hizashi sticks his head out of their bedroom, frowning at Shouta. “What was that about, sweetheart?”
Shouta shakes his head and walks in. “I don’t think we thought about having teenagers enough.”
Hizashi tuts. “We are blessed to have the kids. I don’t want to hear that.”
Shouta gives Hizashi a blank look. “Yeah? Well Toshi just told me that Izuku got a boner and freaked out. Now he and Katsuki are talking about god knows what but I was told not to interrupt them.”
Hizashi pales. “Well…shit.”
Shouta gestures wildly. “See what I mean?”
“Oh dear—should we—I…”
Shouta sighs. “I mean, we knew something like this could happen, but I thought I could trust Katsuki enough to deter that sort of behavior.”
Hizashi snorts. “Oh, Shouta, my love. He’s a teenager . You can’t expect something like that.”
Shouta stares at his hands. “What do we do here? I basically had to wrestle the information out of Toshi and from what I heard, Izuku and Katsuki were just talking, even though I have no idea what about. Do we just pretend nothing happened?”
Hizashi puts his hands on his hips. “Well, how did our parents handle it? Because I’m me—which is loud —so there’s no way they didn’t know things were going on between us. If I remember correctly, my dad just casually suggested I buy a bunch of earplugs for my family and my mom couldn’t look at me for like a week, but she never said anything otherwise.”
Shouta shakes his head, laughing softly. “Yeah…my mom just handed me a box of condoms and said she loved me no matter what.” Hizashi grins, forcing a smile from Shouta as well. Shouta sighs. “Fine, I guess we’ll just address a problem if it arises.”
Hizashi bites his lip. “Well, something will be rising, but maybe not a problem.”
Shouta’s smile falls. “I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.” He leans down and presses a kiss to Shouta’s forehead, eliciting a smile again. “It’s fine, Sho. We’ll give them ten minutes and then pound on the door to freak them out.”
Shouta nods along. “Yeah, whatever. Fine.”
“Oh don’t be so dour, Shouta. Our little baby is growing up!”
Shouta’s not so sure that’s a good thing.
******
Izuku makes his way to the counseling center during lunch, knowing that he’d be too much of a mess if he tried to make it to the end of the day without doing anything about the tumultuous thoughts in his head.
Thankfully, Hound Dog has become so used to his lunch-time visits that when Izuku knocks on the door, he’s simply just let in without any questions. Izuku settles on the couch and curls into a ball. Which seems to be enough of an indicator, because Hound Dog sits across from him and nods. “Is there something you would like to speak about, Izuku?”
Asking how he is, instead of offering him a coloring book or even just sitting in silence. The hybrid has come to know him that well, and that’s the reason why he felt brave enough to come here in the first place.
“I think—” Izuku swallows nervously, taking a deep breath to center himself. “I think it’s time we talked about my mother.”
Hound Dog nods knowingly. “Good. I never wanted to push you on the subject—”
Izuku sighs deeply, cutting him off. “Because I was always super cagey whenever you brought her up. I’m sorry I was being so difficult.” Hound Dog gives him a long look, and he winces. “Right, that’s kind of your job.”
Hound Dog gives him a toothy grin. “Correct, young man. Now, if I may, can I ask what brought on this change?”
Izuku fidgets with the sleeves of his uniform, picking at a stray thread that Hizashi will most likely have to fix later. “I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Mostly how my life has changed. Things have gone pretty fast. I’ve never been good with things changing before but for the first time in a very long time I’ve found myself feeling…happy. Less than half a year ago I was ready to end everything. I didn’t think there was any hope left for me. That there was anyone who would care if I was just gone.”
Hound Dog asks softly after a short silence, “How are things different now?”
Izuku inhales deeply, staring at the fraying lace on his left shoe. “People care about me.”
“I think I have a good idea of the answer I’m going to receive, but can you list them for me?”
Izuku nods. This he can do. “My dads—Shouta and Hizashi. My cousin Hitoshi and my brother Shouto. Auntie Nem and Auntie Kaiya. My… boyfriend , Kacchan. Uhm,” Izuku starts counting on his fingers. “Kirishima, Kaminari, Ashido, well honestly, most of 1-A if we’re being honest.” He pauses and tilts his head. “Nezu, I think? Though I’m never quite sure what’s going through his head. And honestly, I think All Might is on the list too, even though I still don’t know how to feel around him.” Izuku glances over, blushing slightly. “Maybe—you?”
Hound Dog smiles. “I do, and I believe your list is very good. There’s just one I believe you’re missing.”
Izuku furrows his brows and tries to go through everyone he knows and has met in the past few months. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I don’t know who I missed.”
“You, my boy.”
“Me?”
Hound Dog laughs softly at Izuku's stunned expression. “Precisely. I greatly commend you for realizing how important you are to others. But through all of this, I believe you’ve come to realize that you have something to offer to others, and are therefore valuing your own life again. From the very beginning, that has been one of my goals for you. Truly, I would not be able to help you if you didn’t feel like you were worth being helped.”
Izuku hisses a breath, remembering one of the first things he’d ever said to Shouta on the rooftop.
I don’t know if I want to be saved.
Izuku knows, deep within his heart…that this is no longer true.
“I want to be saved.”
A weight lifts itself from Izuku’s chest, allowing him to take a deep breath and feel all the implications that come with realizing that maybe his life is worth living.
Izuku startles when suddenly Hound Dog is right in front of him, taking his hands into his own and squeezing softly. He smiles softly at Izuku. “I’m so very proud of you, Izuku. I know how much it’s taken for you to get to this point in your life. I’m not saying it’s going to get any easier going forward, but now you’re ready to fight, and my boy, you have so many who are ready to stand beside you and take on all these problems head on. You aren’t going to be alone for a single step of this journey ahead. Are you ready for this, Izuku?”
Izuku inhales a long, steadying breath.
This isn’t going to be easy. It’ll probably be the hardest thing he’s ever done. But he’s ready, and he’s willing to fight.
Izuku nods, gripping Hound Dog’s paws tightly. “I want to live. Let’s do this.”
Hound Dog opens his arms. With a choked cry, Izuku flings himself forward and allows himself to be buried in the warm, fluffy embrace.
Once he’s calmed down, Hound Dog releases him and they both return to their designated spots. Izuku doesn’t curl up this time, choosing to face things head-on.
“So, where should we begin?”
Izuku smiles softly. “Where it all started.” He stops and shakes his head. “There’s just one last thing I need before we can start this.”
Hound Dog leans back in his chair, nodding. “Tell me, I’ll see what I can do.”
******
A day later after the final bell has sounded, Izuku walks back into Hound Dog’s office, and this time is met by the mystified looks of his fathers.
Hizashi frowns. “Izuku? What’s going on, sweetie. Hound Dog called us here and wouldn’t tell us why.”
Izuku closes the door behind himself, ignoring the question for a moment. Hound Dog stands and offers Izuku his chair, since Shouta and Hizashi are occupying the couch, and he moves to his desk. Once they’re all seated, Hound Dog clears his throat. “I’ve asked the two of you here today at Izuku’s request. He and I had a breakthrough yesterday and to continue, he has something he’d like to share with you.”
Izuku ignores the concern radiating from Hizashi and the uncommon outward worry coming from Shouta.
Hizashi reaches across the table and lays his hand on Izuku’s knee. “Kiddo, is everything alright?”
Izuku smiles, patting his Papa’s hand. “More than alright.”
He returns to the couch and twines his hand with Shouta’s—no doubt a nervous gesture that Izuku rarely gets to see.
Izuku nods quickly and pulls a notebook out of his backpack. “I actually wrote down what I wanted to say.” He glances back at Hound Dog, who nods encouragingly. Izuku faces forward and inhales deeply. “Right. Well, this journal contains all the letters I’ve written in the past few months, and I think it’s finally time that they get read. Back when I first started therapy, Hound Dog had asked me if I would feel more comfortable writing things down because I was scared to talk. Even though I never did show him any of the letters, I wrote them. A lot, actually.
“At first, they overwhelmed me and a lot of them ended up with furious scribbles, tear stains, or being nearly shredded. I never got rid of any, though, but I’m not sure whether I was scared that someone would find them, or maybe I knew that I would eventually need them. I did end up needing them, but with the state that some of them were in, I had to rewrite them. So, here we are, one completely full notebook of the letters I never sent. But I’m ready to share them now, and all I ask is that you listen to what I’m saying—and know that I’m in a different place now.”
Izuku nervously closes his hands into fists around the edges of the notebook, terrified but thrilled at finally being here.
Shouta and Hizashi care, and they deserve to know everything about their son.
Izuku smiles softly, opening to the first page.
******
Dear Shouta (Dad),
It’s already been a few months that we’ve known each other. It’s so bizarre to me that I met a pro hero on a roof. Granted, it’s not a strange place to be when you’re using it as a vantage point, but the fact that I had two life-altering conversations on the same roof really made me question what was so special about that place. If you had asked me when I met you, my answer would’ve been, well, bad. I was there to end my life, and that was the place that I felt was most significant—where I had finally lost all hope. Even though I’m pretty sure all my hope was gone long before that. I don’t know what I was holding out for.
Maybe all I needed was to make it long enough that I met you there.
And I know that it wasn't a common occurrence for you to be on that roof. Not only had I become pretty good at predicting patrol roots, I had never seen you up there before. I would know, too, since I was there nearly twice a week, if not more, for months. Any time something went wrong in my life—which happened quite frequently—that roof was where I would escape to.
For the longest time, suicide was just a fantasy. I reasoned with myself that I was whittling my life down to another statistic, and maybe, just maybe, I would be one of the few that would beat the odds stacked against me. Towards the end, it started to become a reality. I couldn’t find a reason to be alive anymore. I didn’t want to be saved.
What was the point?
I felt like I had nothing to offer the world.
I was at my absolute lowest when you found me.
But you’ve been there for me since then, no matter how good or bad things were.
It’s always meant a lot to me that someone took the time to show me that I had meaning. You and Papa mean the world to me, and I couldn’t imagine my life any different.
I’m glad you saved me, Shouta….
….Dear Inko (Mom),
Hi, it’s your son. I know you haven’t thought of me like that in a while, but I’m still here. I can’t help but notice that you never tried to get me back. You never contacted my new parents to get in touch with me. And when they came to take my stuff back from you—you left a key under the doormat and ran away scared, not even willing to face them.
Did you think it was going to make you regret how you treated me? Knowing that there were other people out there who saw value in my life?
It’s almost pathetic, and I feel sorry for you.
I never thought you were a bad person. I blamed myself for being a useless son. I tried to be a good kid. Never causing any trouble (or doing my best not to get involved). Always getting good grades, even though the teachers often marked my answers incorrect no matter what. Helping around the house when you spent long days at work. (Even though I think you took the extra shifts so you could be away from me for longer.) Ate as little as possible so you wouldn’t be mad at me for spending all your money.
I really tried so hard, but without a quirk, what did I have to offer to this life?
To think, you really had me believing that bullshit for fourteen years of my life. You shaved my existence down until the only truth I knew is that I was weak, useless, and worthless. But now I know better.
I’ve seen what it’s like to be surrounded with people that care about what happens to you. I know you saw my arms, but never did anything about it. In fact, you were probably hoping that things would get bad enough that I would just off myself and make things easier for you. It would certainly gain you some sympathy.
But you’re not going to get any from me.
Sometimes I think about what it would be like if you could see my life now. I have everything and everyone I could ever possibly want, and it feels like I haven’t done nearly enough to deserve any of it. But I do. I deserve to have people who care about me, and god dammit, I deserve to live, even if there’s nothing that makes me special in your eyes….
….Dear Hizashi, (Papa),
Hey, Papa. I just wanted to take the time to remind you that I love you. In the beginning, I knew I was cold towards you. It took me so much longer to warm up to you than to Shouta. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry I took that time away from us. You deserve the world, Hizashi, and I hope that I can show you just how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.
When I’m sad, I know that all I need to do is seek you out. You never fail to hold me close and make sure I know I’m loved. Being your son is the single best thing I will ever do in this life….
….Dear Hitoshi,
My sweet, amazing cousin. I’ve never met someone quite like you, and I’m so glad that I did. From the very start, you protected me and never failed to be on my side. Sure, there were times when we grew apart, but there was comfort in knowing that we’d never be spending too long separated.
I’m still not too sure how I feel about learning that you tried to strangle my boyfriend/best friend, but knowing the reason, I think I can forgive you for that.
I’ll always know that you’ll be there for me, and we’re the family we’ve chosen. No one is going to be able to take that away from us….
….Dear Shouto,
I’m so blessed that you’re my brother. Shitty lives brought us together, but I can’t say I’m mad how things have turned out. Something stronger than blood bonds us, and I know I’m always going to have you at my side.
Dear Kacchan,
I forgive you.
******
Izuku closes his notebook and exhales a long breath. He was talking for a long time uninterrupted, but his voice never did waver. He turns around and hands the notebook to Hound Dog, who takes it with a proud smile.
Izuku turns back around and faces his fathers. “Before the meeting, I emailed you both a digital copy of the notebook so you could read the rest of it.”
Hizashi drops his face into his hands and Shouta rubs his shoulders as they shake. Shouta exhales roughly, looking up at Izuku. “Thank you for sharing that, Izuku. Zashi will be okay, it was just…a lot.”
Izuku nods understandingly. He certainly cried enough while writing all these letters. (Though it’s a little surprising to see Hizashi absolutely losing it in front of him.)
Shouta takes another deep breath, this time much steadier. “Izuku, kid, I am so proud of you. Trusting us with all this information had to be rough.”
Izuku shakes his head. “No, this wasn’t the hard part.” He glances over at Hound Dog quickly. “Getting here was hard.”
Hound Dog continues his thought. “And moving forward will be just as difficult, but we’re all in this together.”
“Right.”
Hizashi’s sobbing renews. Shouta chuckles and wraps his arms around him. “It’s alright, Zashi.”
Hizashi swats at Shouta, still wailing. “Shut up! I know that! I’m allowed to express my feelings!”
Hound Dog snorts. “Absolutely, but please be cautious of activating your quirk, we are in an enclosed space.”
Hizashi lifts his face and narrows his eyes. “Hush, you know I have more control than that.” His eyes move to Izuku and he softens. Hizashi nudges Shouta’s arms off himself and he opens his arms. “Come here, baby boy. Let me hug you.”
Izuku refrains himself from lunging across the table and settles for walking around the end and collapsing into Hizashi’s arms. Seconds later, Shouta’s arms close around them as well and Izuku’s held securely between his fathers.
There’s really no place that he would rather be.
******
Kacchan meets them by the car, agitatedly leaning against it as he waits for them. “Tch, took you three long enough.”
Hizashi sniffles, giving Kacchan an uncharacteristic glare—but it lacks any malice. “We had something important to attend to, you can have some patience.”
Kacchan’s face twists as he finally gets a good look at Hizashi. “The hell is wrong with you, Mic—” He stops talking, lowering his brows as Izuku and Shouta wave their hands, frantically trying to stop him. “Alright, nevermind. Let’s just go home, I’m hungry.” He offers his hand to Izuku and pulls him into a hug. Izuku sinks into his embrace, blushing slightly when Shouta’s eyes meet his as he gets into the car and gives them privacy. Kacchan whispers to him once the door closes. “How’d it go?”
Izuku sighs, nuzzling his nose closer to Kacchan’s neck. “Good— really good.”
Kacchan rubs his back soothingly. “I’m proud of you, Izuku.”
Izuku smiles deliriously. “Thanks, Kacchan.”
After all, he’d had to explain to Kacchan why he was furiously writing in his notebook from the moment they got home yesterday and late into the night. Feeling brave, the first person he let read the letters was Kacchan. It had resulted in a lot of tears (not just his, either) and them not getting very much sleep, but Izuku felt better going into the meeting today knowing that everything was going to be alright. Kacchan was there for him, and his support means the world to Izuku.
At home, Kacchan takes Izuku’s backpack and heads towards the bedroom, knowing what he’s planning. Izuku grabs Shouta’s hand and stops him from entering the apartment. “Dad, come with me, please.”
Shouta lowers his brows in confusion, but allows himself to be led away.
Though he yanks Izuku to a stop when he realizes where they’re going. “Izuku, what are you doing?”
Izuku yanks Shouta back, dragging him towards the roof access door with all his strength. “Come on, Dad.”
Reluctantly, Shouta follows, but he plants his feet five steps outside the door, far away from the edges, and wraps his capture scarf around Izuku.
Izuku sighs, accepting his fate. “That’s really not necessary.”
Shouta wrinkles his nose. “Forgive me, your track-record with roofs makes me feel a bit cautious.”
Izuku shrugs awkwardly with the stiff material trapping his arms down. “If it makes you feel better, fine. Come sit.” Izuku waddles his way to the ledge, sitting down with his back to it.
Shouta slowly sits down across from him, watching him warily. “What’s this about, kid?”
Izuku smiles softly. “It only makes sense that things end where they started.” When Shouta tightens the capture scarf, Izuku sputters, “Not actually end , Dad, that was a figure of speech.”
Shouta blinks rapidly, tipping his head back. “You’re going to give me a heart attack.”
Izuku huffs a laugh, wiggling around to loosen the material. “It’s what I do best. Now would you calm down? I just wanted to talk.”
Shouta tips his head down and lifts a brow. “Alright, talk.”
Izuku rolls his eyes—a small part of him relishing in the way Shouta’s face screws up at the petulant action. “I’m ending the part of my life where I no longer wanted to live. And since that era is coming to an end, I want you to be here for the beginning of the next.” Izuku smiles widely, feeling his heart fill with love. “I want to be saved, Dad, and it’s only fitting that this starts with us on a roof—where I make the choice to come down. To not jump. After all, it only makes sense that it’s just you and me, right back where we started. Just a bit different this time.”
Shouta slumps, dropping his hold on Izuku. “Izuku— kid ,” He inhales deeply and opens his arms. Izuku shakes off the loose scarf, crawling the small amount of space into his father’s lap. Shouta rocks him back and forth gently, combing a soothing hand through his hair. “I love you so much, Izuku. I hope you know that. I am always going to be here for you, however you need me. I am so blessed to have the chance to be your parent. I’m honored that you chose to trust me and continue to do so. You’re so brave, kind, smart, and a whole lot of words I can’t even think of, but I know that it had to have been fate that brought me to that rooftop that night. The universe knew you and I needed each other.
“Thank you, Izuku, for making me a Father, and thank you for being a wonderful kid. Zashi and I love you so much.”
Izuku cries silent tears into Shouta’s chest—but it’s the happiest he thinks he’s ever felt. “Let’s go home, Dad.”
Izuku doesn’t fight it as Shouta stands with him cradled in his arms, and they begin the trek back to the apartment.
A new beginning, but that’s not all that’s new.
“Izuku.”
Shouta looks down, tilting his head. “What’s that, kid?”
Izuku smiles. “My name. It’s Izuku Aizawa-Yamada.” He giggles at the slack look on Shouta’s face. “Sorry, but the letter came in yesterday that my adoption went through and I stole the envelope. I wanted to be the one to tell you. You’re officially my father, Shouta.”
Shouta’s lip wobbles and Izuku spies a lining of tears in his eyes. “And you’re my son, Izuku.”
Izuku wraps his arms around Shouta and knows that he’s cared for. No matter what path he chose today, it was going to be a hard choice. Sometimes, the hardest thing is to keep on living. But Izuku knew that the difficulty would be worth it.
His fight isn’t over.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Did any of you catch that every chapter was a song title?! Well, they were, and below I’m going to attach that playlist. The title was pretty literal, as this was composed of Songs for Shouta , and I’m sort of surprised that no one pointed that out yet. Alas, here are the songs that shaped this fic. I hope you give them a listen. :)
Achilles Come Down — Gang of Youths
Let Me Down Slowly — Alec Benjamin
Never Let Me Go — Florence + the Machine
Chiquitita — ABBA
Boy in the Bubble — Alec Benjamin
Always Take You Back — Night Terrors of 1927
Life is Beautiful — Lil Peep
Something in the Orange — Zach Bryan
If I Died Last Night — Jessie Murphy
To Build a Home — The Cinematic Orchestra
Cry Your Eyes Out — Adele
Heavy in Your Arms — Florence + the Machine
Anchor — AG & Lindsey Ray
Love Like This — Kodaline
Panic Attacks in Paradise —Ashnikko
Til Forever Falls Apart — Ashe & Finneas
Fix it to Break it — Clinton Kane
Broken Home — 5 Seconds of Summer
As the World Caves in — Matt Maltese
Poet — Bastille
This is How You Fall in Love — Clinton Kane
Hold On — Chord Overstreet
I Belong in Your Arms — Chairlift
Scars to Your Beautiful — Alessia Cara
Dog Days Are Over — Florence + the Machine
Golden Hour — JVKE
Who Will Save You? — Katie Garfield
Hello My Old Heart — The Oh Hellos
Two Ghosts — Harry Styles
Holding On to You — Twenty One Pilots
Fake You Out — Twenty One Pilots
Pretty Shining People — George Ezra
This is How You Fall in Love — Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler
I Guess I’m in Love — Clinton Kane
Get You the Moon — Kina
My Future — Billie Eilish
Lovesick — Peace
The End of All Things — Panic! At the Disco