Chapter Text
Lelouch jerked awake, groaning at the crick in his neck. I must have fallen asleep watching over Suzaku. Wait. Suzaku! Lelouch’s gaze snapped to his bedridden boyfriend, who was stirring only inches from where Lelouch’s still-masked head had been resting not two seconds ago. On the wooden bedside table nearby, there rested a full glass of water. Next to it, two painkillers awaited Suzaku. On another table, nearer the door, Sugiyama had left Suzaku’s breakfast in a heated platter; the smell of eggs and chicken warmed the makeshift hospital room. Everything was ready to jumpstart Suzaku’s journey back to normalcy. There was a sense of wonder in the air, like a long-awaited holiday come early, though Lelouch had no inkling of whether his boyfriend felt it, too. “Su—Kururugi?”
Suzaku blinked blearily up at Lelouch, his face twisted with confusion. “Zero?”
“How are you feeling?”
Taking a moment to assess his condition, Suzaku finally answered, “Fine.”
Lelouch scowled. Suzaku was doing it again. “Don’t make light of your injuries!”
Suzaku shrugged and stretched, following the line of bandages criss-crossing his body. “All things considered…”
“Still,” Lelouch insisted, grabbing the nearby cup of water off the bedside table. He tried to remember being in this position before, but this was the first time he’d been able to be directly by Suzaku’s side after a beatdown. After the whole ordeal with Prince Clovis’s murder, Lelouch as Zero had only had the one short conversation with Suzaku—barely long enough to remove the shock collar and ask Suzaku to join his cause. By the time Suzaku had started at Ashford Academy, his relatively minor wounds had healed and he’d seemed to have buried his trauma; Lelouch hadn’t had the heart to bring it up, mindful of messing with things that weren’t his business. Now was different. “Here. You must be thirsty.”
Suzaku drank the water without a word, his gaze carefully guarded. So unlike the Suzaku of last night.
Lelouch tapped his gloved fingers on the armrest. “What do you remember?”
Setting down the empty cup, Suzaku inhaled deeply. Closing his eyes, he took a moment to think. “You,” he said slowly. He opened his eyes, rounding on Lelouch. “You saved me. Again.”
“Always.”
“I told you not to do anything stupid.”
Lelouch froze, subtly checking that the mask was still on. It was. “What do you mean?”
Suzaku rolled his eyes, a spark flickering in their green depths. That boy could bounce back from anything, though Lelouch knew Suzaku carried several scars deep within. “Yesterday, when you visited me in my cell. You promised.”
Lelouch tilted his head. Things could really unravel, and he wasn’t sure he was prepared for the worst case outcome. “I think you’re confusing me with—”
“Stop playing games, Lelouch,” Suzaku interrupted, shifting slightly on his bed. “You think I haven’t figured you out? We’re dating!”
Lelouch paused a long moment before finally removing his mask, setting it down next to the empty cup on the table. Well, here goes nothing. “You caught me.”
Suzaku grinned playfully, almost like they were back at Ashford Academy and stealing moments together behind closed doors. “I caught you a long time ago.”
Raising his head, Lelouch sat up straighter. His secrets were turning inside out. “You’ve never indicated…” Other than last night, when some part of you deep inside—even in your traumatized state—seemed to know me.
Sighing, Suzaku rolled onto his side and winced. “I kinda realized it early on, but I didn’t want to face the possibility of fighting you. So I just pretended I didn’t notice all the signs. I was so good at convincing myself…”
Lelouch worked hard to keep his jaw from dropping. “You saw right through me.” I need to give him more credit.
“It’s easy to notice things, when you’re obsessed with someone,” Suzaku said with another mild shrug. His heart in his eyes, he murmured, “…I love you, Lelouch.”
“I love you too, Suzaku.”
Suzaku’s eyes shimmered with still stronger feeling. “I guess now I have to face the truth,” he said, deliberately dragging his eyes up and down Lelouch’s Zero costume.
Lelouch’s heart pounded erratically. This was a tipping point he’d feared. He felt like he was climbing up an impossibly steep cliff, and only Suzaku could pull him to safety. Like when they were children. “And?”
“And we’ll face the future together,” Suzaku said, lifting his eyes to Lelouch’s. “Like always.”
Lelouch’s shoulders slumped in relief. Feeling the need to move things to the next stage, he stood and retrieved the warmed platter from the small table near the door. “You don’t know what it means, to hear you say that.”
Suzaku smiled again, that same boyish smile that kept Lelouch falling in love. “I think I do. When you found out I was an enemy pilot, you…protected me…”
Lelouch flinched, turning away. “I’m sorry,” he said raggedly, transfixed by the floor. With all the courage and willpower he’d drawn on while standing up to his father as a child, he raised his eyes to Suzaku’s again. “I’m sorry,” he repeated himself, carrying the platter over to Suzaku’s bed with trepidation. “That’s why— It’s my fault Cornelia tortured you.”
Softly shaking his head, Suzaku took the platter, set it aside on the bed, and deliberately reached for Lelouch’s hand—initiating touch, even after all he’d recently been subjected to. He never had let fear hold him back. “I understand why you didn’t want to fight me. I…”
Sliding his fingers through Suzaku’s, his heart melting at the familiar, comforting affection, Lelouch sat again and scooted his chair closer until his knees bumped the bed. “I’ve always just wanted you to be okay. If only I’d treated you like a respected enemy instead…”
“I didn’t want to fight you either,” Suzaku confessed, his voice low. Removing the cover off the platter, he inhaled and poked at the chicken breakfast skillet—full of protein and sauteed vegetables to help speed his recovery. He took a bite, chewing on his issues as well as his food. “Deep inside, I was grateful.”
“But my actions painted a target on your back!” Lelouch protested, squeezing Suzaku’s hand. “I inadvertently created the illusion that you were my man.”
Suzaku’s lips curled into another mischievous smile. A bit of egg dangled from the corner of his mouth before falling onto the plate. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Lelouch, but I am your man.”
Lelouch barked out a laugh, surprising even himself. Suzaku looked proud of himself, as if he’d achieved something impossible—like it was any other day, and he’d scored boyfriend points for making Lelouch laugh. Biting his lip to get himself under control, Lelouch waited until Suzaku had cleaned his plate before using his free hand to slowly turn Suzaku towards him. “You know what I meant. Now let me take a good look at you.”
Dutifully turning his face from side to side, Suzaku cracked another small grin—though his eyes remained shadowed around the edges. He let Lelouch trail fingers across his injuries without complaint, shifting to make himself more accessible to his boyfriend’s appraisal. After a long moment, he murmured, “I mean it. It’s not your fault.”
Lelouch’s fingers stilled in their quest. He gingerly set the empty breakfast platter to the side, next to the empty cup and his Zero mask. “Suzaku?”
“I don’t blame you,” Suzaku said, lifting his quivering chin. “I never did. Even when they were lashing me and calling me Zero’s man, I…”
“Wait a moment,” Lelouch said gently. He removed one glove and, his touch as soft as his voice, brushed his bare fingertips down the curve of Suzaku’s jawline. “Do you…feel ready to talk about what happened? I don’t want to push you.”
Suzaku shrugged, a faraway look in his eyes. “I need to let it out, or else it will keep pressing on me.” He took a deep breath, puffing out his chest. “Cornelia and her top people arrested me right after our last Knightmare battle. Euphy tried to vouch for me, but Cornelia overruled her. She said the evidence was clear. They didn’t even give me a chance to defend myself; they just put the shock collar on me. Then they took me to my cell and…well, you see what happened,” he finished, gesturing to his extensive injuries. “You can use your imagination. I—I can’t…at least not yet…” Rubbing at his eyes, he continued, “They let me outside once to videotape the challenge to Zero. Then they brought me back to my cell and…picked up where they left off.” He shuddered, seeming as broken as the time not long ago when Mao had thrown his sin of patricide in his face. “I thought I could trust them, after how hard I’ve worked to prove myself, but at the same time…”
Lelouch plucked the painkillers off the table and refilled Suzaku’s water. “You understand why they targeted you.”
“Yes.”
Lelouch breathed slowly through his nose, holding out the medication. “Because of me. Oh, Suzaku, I’m so sor—”
Suzaku waved both arms back and forth, stopping only when Lelouch went silent. Then, he swallowed the pills. “Please don’t apologize. I already said I don’t blame you. I stand by that.”
Smiling wanly, Lelouch said, “You’re a better man than I could ever be.”
Suzaku chuckled, even if it sounded a bit watery. “Not all of us are driven by revenge, Lelouch.”
Lelouch’s blood boiled. “Speaking of—”
“No,” Suzaku interrupted firmly, almost slamming the newly-emptied cup down onto the wooden bedside table. “I know what you’re thinking, and I won’t allow it. What Cornelia and her people did to me was wrong, but the cycle needs to end.”
“But—”
Suzaku shook his head. “I can’t be the pretext for more violence, Lelouch. Don’t put that on my conscience.”
“You—”
“You said you want me to be okay, right?” Suzaku interrupted, tilting his head. He held Lelouch’s gaze, looking the picture of a serious soldier. He meant business. “Then I need to know it’s over. Well and truly.”
Lelouch looked away, distracting himself with piling Suzaku’s used silverware onto the platter. “Most people would—”
“I’m not most people,” Suzaku shot back with another pleading grin. His eyes, his voice, everything in him was nakedly begging—like the way he probably never begged for freedom while he was being tortured. “Please, Lelouch. For me.”
“…You are a master manipulator, you know that?” Lelouch sighed, disappearing into the adjoining bathroom. He emerged a second later with a toothbrush and a comb. Handing them over, he murmured, “Fine. You win.”
Suzaku took the grooming products with a hopeful look in his green eyes. “Then you won’t do anything stupid?”
“I will not get revenge on Cornelia or any of her people,” Lelouch vowed, clenching a fist over his heart. He meant it as much as he meant that he would obliterate Britannia. However… As he watched Suzaku start on his hair, he muttered mutinously, “Even though it’s what I want to do more than anything.”
Suzaku deflated with obvious relief. “Thank you.”
“I’ll hold back, for your sake,” Lelouch promised, snatching the comb to redo Suzaku’s hair. Those stray curls were driving him crazy! Suzaku let him fuss without protest, and Lelouch continued as he touched up Suzaku’s bangs, “But you’re deciding what to do with Guilford. He’s here, and he knows my identity. I can’t just let him go.”
“Then keep him prisoner,” Suzaku agreed, beginning to brush his teeth. With the toothbrush sticking out the corner of his mouth, he added, “But treat him right, Lelouch. Show him the proper way.”
“He deserves to be punished,” Lelouch growled, barely holding himself back from snapping. “But very well. We’ll do things your way. And in return, you need to heal.”
Suzaku finished grooming himself with another small, but genuine, smile. “I will, Lelouch.”
Swallowing thickly, struck by a sudden realization, Lelouch took the comb and used toothbrush back to the bathroom before he ventured, “You could have told them. About me.”
“I would never do that,” Suzaku said at once, his newly-brushed bangs flopping on his forehead as he furiously shook his head. “And in a way, I knew what they were saying was true. In a sense. I knew, and I did nothing…”
Mouth dry, Lelouch glided back to the bed and caught hold of both Suzaku’s hands again. “You could have saved yourself.”
“And doomed you in the process?” Suzaku said, sounding aghast. “Weren’t you listening to me just now? I’d never!”
Lelouch’s heart beat faster. “But…”
Suzaku stared at him intently again. “I meant what I said.”
“I know,” Lelouch managed around a tight lump. “You said it’s not my fault, but—”
Suzaku sighed, staring deep into Lelouch’s eyes. “I meant earlier, when I said I love you.”
Lelouch’s breath caught in his throat. “Suzaku…”
“Yeah?”
Lelouch couldn’t help but lean in for a kiss, his heart stuttering to a stop when Suzaku reciprocated in full. “I love you, too,” he breathed into purpled skin, gently brushing his nose across Suzaku’s bruised cheek. “That’s why I—everything—Suzaku…”
Suzaku just yanked Lelouch closer, practically pulling him onto the bed. Lelouch’s flailing leg sent the used breakfast platter, cup, and Zero mask to the floor, but neither teen reacted to the clatter as they were too involved in each other.
Seconds ticked by as they exchanged long, deep kisses—like it was a lazy afternoon in Lelouch’s bedroom and they didn’t have a care in the world.
Lelouch sighed softly into Suzaku’s skin, trailing kisses down the line of injuries until his mouth brushed Suzaku’s shoulder. “I can’t stand the thought of you hurt.”
“I’m strong,” Suzaku gasped—before burying his face in Lelouch’s hair with a broken groan.
Lelouch said nothing as the floodgates opened and Suzaku sobbed out his pain and trauma, his shoulder shaking beneath Lelouch’s lips. Suzaku’s arms wrapped around Lelouch’s torso, getting lost in the Zero cape, his fingers clenching in Lelouch’s bodysuit. Returning the embrace, Lelouch simply held his suffering boyfriend and silently vowed to put the pieces together again. Suzaku would be happy and whole once more. Cradling the back of Suzaku’s head in the palm of his ungloved hand, Lelouch—mindful of Suzaku’s bandaged body—slowly stroked Suzaku’s back until the sounds of hitched breathing petered into silence.
Sniffling, Suzaku pulled back and rubbed at his nose. He ducked his head. “Uh, thank you…”
“You never have to thank me for being there for you,” Lelouch returned solemnly. “My place is always by your side. Now, let’s see about changing these bandages.”
-+-
“Uh, Zero?” Ohgi asked loudly, knocking at the door. “Our prisoner said he’d like a few words.”
Lelouch groaned under his breath, but he dutifully replaced his mask and glove. He stood. Fixed his clothes. Tried to tamper his resentment. Of all the nuisances… “Rest while I take care of Guilford,” he said, nodding when Suzaku gave him a jaunty thumbs up.
Sweeping past Ohgi in the hallway, Lelouch gave his deputy commander another nod and took off into the darkness of the submarine. Guilford was shackled in a room not too far from Suzaku in the medical wing, which made it easier. Almost gliding into the designated prison room, he waited until the door clicked shut behind him before removing his mask. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”
Guilford frowned. “I could tell the Black Knights who you really are.”
“Oh?” Lelouch returned, quirking an eyebrow. “And who am I?”
“A Britannian high school student. There’s no way they’d follow a Britannian high school student. If they knew…”
“Perhaps they already know,” Lelouch filled in, chuckling softly. “My results speak for themselves. Is that really why you summoned me? To try to barter for your freedom? Pathetic.”
“Princess Cornelia will not take my capture lying down.”
“No,” Lelouch agreed, settling into a wooden chair opposite Guilford. “But the Black Knights will be ready for her. You underestimated us before, and look where it’s landed you.”
“You can’t take on Britannia and win.”
Lelouch laughed, sounding like the pure definition of madness. Swiping a finger under his left eye, he challenged, “Can’t I?”
-+-
Lelouch blinked behind his mask as he returned to find not only Ohgi, but Tohdoh and Diethard also sitting by Suzaku’s bed. His thoughts splintered in a million different directions. “What’s going on?”
Suzaku turned a blinding smile on him. “I’m getting to know the Black Knights.”
“I see,” Lelouch said, his thoughts still whirring. Mindlessly, he wet a clean washcloth from the bathroom and picked up where he left off in making Suzaku feel like a human being again.
“They seem really confused why they risked everything to save an enemy,” Suzaku said, leveling a stern look at Lelouch. The look on his face was reproachful, the same one he used when Lelouch suggested they skip out on Student Council duties to make-out.
Ohgi held up his hands. “Hey now, it’s not that. You’re a decent kid. A bit misguided, sure, but even you didn’t deserve to be at Cornelia’s mercy.”
“Besides,” Diethard added with a glint in his eye, “Zero was frantic with worry over you, Kururugi. We couldn’t look the other way, not when Zero’s normally so…untouchable.”
Tohdoh nodded gravely. “He did show his human side when you were in danger, Suzaku.”
Suzaku’s face softened with affection as he looked at Lelouch. “I see.”
Lelouch just managed not to squirm as everyone present turned to stare at him. He wrung the washcloth over the cup before he tenderly wiped a smudge of dirt off Suzaku’s face. “I don’t need to explain myself to anybody.”
Suzaku rolled his eyes, batting Lelouch’s hand away. “If it were up to you, no one would know anything.”
“How much do you know?” Diethard asked, leaning forward like an Ashford schoolgirl salivating over a popular boy.
Shrugging, Suzaku simply said, “Enough.” Turning to look at everyone, he said, “By the way, I never thanked you. For saving me.”
“We wouldn’t have it any other way,” Tohdoh reassured him, resting a hand lightly on Suzaku’s bandaged shoulder.
Suzaku beamed up at his childhood mentor.
“And what will you do now?” Tohdoh asked, sounding the same as he had seven years ago when Lelouch had overheard them training together. Forever the mentor. Always guiding Suzaku forward.
Suzaku sighed, shoulders slumping. “I can’t go back to the Britannian Army.”
Lelouch’s heart flipped in his chest at how glum Suzaku sounded at the prospect. He was struck by the urge to tie Suzaku to the bed, anything to keep Suzaku from returning to Britannia. Again.
Diethard frowned. “Why would you want to? They’ve done nothing but frame you and torture you.”
Suzaku dipped his head in acknowledgment. “True, but I can only change the system from within if I’m part of that system.”
Lelouch clenched his teeth. Not this again.
“That plan might hold weight,” Tohdoh said wisely, “if you’d seized every opportunity to make your ideals a reality. But just recently, Princess Euphemia was going to offer you knighthood—and word on the street is that you rejected her proposal.”
“Yes,” Suzaku said again, bowing his head. A blush stained his cheeks, and he looked more like a lovestruck teenager than a tortured enemy soldier. He sneaked a quick peek at Lelouch. “I rejected Princess Euphemia’s offer because I wanted a life with the guy I love instead.”
Lelouch wrapped himself in his cape, trying to hide from the extreme embarrassment. “Suzaku!” he hissed in warning.
“What,” Diethard said, turning on Zero. “Are you the guy he’s in love with or something?”
Suzaku’s face broke into a wide grin; he looked as carefree as he did during Student Council shenanigans. “Yup.”
“What?!” Ohgi exclaimed, taking a step back. “No way…”
“Yes way,” Suzaku countered cheekily.
Tohdoh inhaled sharply through his nose. With a sidelong glare at Lelouch, he asked, “And how long, Suzaku, have you been in love with Zero?”
Suzaku tilted his head. “A few months now. Maybe longer.” Before Tohdoh could have an aneurysm, Suzaku tacked on lightly, “To be fair, it is mutual.”
Lelouch’s blood rushed to his face, and he swayed a bit on his feet. His cape fluttered from the movement. “Suzaku!” he hissed again.
“That…makes sense,” Diethard allowed, his eyes gleaming at the unfolding story. “No wonder you were so desperate to save Kururugi, Zero.”
“Back to the task at hand,” Lelouch said stiffly, taking a step forward. “I’m interested to know what Suzaku’s plans are now.”
Ohgi cocked his head. “Just to be clear, Kururugi. You’ve never been a Black Knight?”
Suzaku shook his head. “Never.”
“You’re welcome in the Black Knights now,” Tohdoh said, holding out a hand. “We could really use your piloting skills, Suzaku. And you’d make a difference in so many lives.”
Looking between Lelouch and Tohdoh’s proffered hand, Suzaku finally put his hand in Tohdoh’s. “I have no choice but to accept.”
Lelouch leaned forward again, feeling torn. This isn’t right. It’s what I want more than anything, but… “Stop. I don’t want you in my organization if you really don’t want to be here. I can make arrangements—”
Suzaku sighed, looking as torn as Lelouch felt. “Even if it wasn’t my first choice to change the world, this is the only path open to me now. I have to take it.” Looking up at Lelouch, green eyes steely with determination, he added with a serious look, “You and I together can change the world.”
“I never wanted to force you into the Black Knights,” Lelouch murmured, his throat tight with feeling. The only thing that ever mattered was Suzaku’s well-being. “I just wanted you safe.”
“I believe you,” Suzaku said, reaching for and clasping Lelouch’s gloved hand. “But what’s done is done, and—as you always say, the future is waiting. Let’s seize it together.”
Forgetting everyone but Suzaku, Lelouch automatically leaned in for a kiss, stopping only when his mask bumped Suzaku’s nose. Clearing his throat, he pulled back. “That is…”
Suzaku grinned again, artfully ignoring the Black Knights’ laughter. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’”
-+-
“So,” Ohgi said, sliding inside Suzaku’s makeshift hospital room. Diethard and Tohdoh were already visiting, which seemed to be the norm nowadays as Suzaku grew stronger from his ordeal. “Lord Guilford is asking for the Britannian student in love with Kururugi.” He leveled his questioning gaze at Zero. “I’m assuming that’s you?”
Suzaku groaned and mimed banging his head on the wall.
Lelouch merely sighed. “That’s right.”
“A Britannian student?” Diethard echoed, his eyes zipping between Lelouch and Suzaku. “Do you by chance go to Ashford Academy, too?”
Lelouch rolled his eyes—before removing the mask. “I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Suzaku, stop nodding.”
“I think it’s only right that they know a little more—”
“Huh,” Ohgi said, studying the pair of them. “What are the odds that you’d end up together in your civilian lives, and be secretly enemies in your alter ego identities?”
“What a juicy romance tale!” Diethard interjected. “Forget documenting history! This is where the real story’s at!”
“Not to mention the fact that they were close childhood friends,” Tohdoh added, a relieved look on his face. Ohgi and Diethard swiveled to stare at him at the news. “I’ll admit I was a bit worried about a potential age gap and power imbalance, but I’m glad those worries are unfounded. Your Highness, it’s good to see you again.”
“What did you call him?” Ohgi asked, jaw dropping wide.
“That’s what I want to know,” Lelouch said innocently, pressing his shoulder against Suzaku’s. “I gave up my claim to the throne for my sister’s sake, before I ever even came to Japan.”
Tohdoh shook his head. “But your father obviously didn’t accept that change, since he used you as a royal bargaining chip.”
“What?!” Diethard exclaimed.
“Never refer to that man as my ‘father,’” Lelouch growled, curling his fingers into a fist. “I haven’t considered myself royalty for eight years. I am nothing but a simple student and revolutionary.”
Suzaku snorted, “Simple?”
“For all intents and purposes,” Lelouch shot back, sending his boyfriend a quick smile. “Now. I’ll remind Guilford—again—that he is our prisoner, and remind him of all the times we’ve beat back Cornelia’s forces with ocean bubbles.”
Suzaku sighed dreamily. “You’re a genius, Lelouch.”
“…Your name is Lelouch then?” Ohgi asked.
Lelouch fixed his cape. “You can call me ‘Zero,’” he said, a bit of an edge to his voice.
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“Don’t encourage them, Suzaku!”
-+-
Lelouch dropped the clothes on Suzaku’s bed. It had been about a couple weeks since Suzaku had been rescued, and the majority of his physical wounds had mostly healed. His mental and emotional scars were another story, but Suzaku was right: He was strong. He'd make it. Starting with a new beginning. “Here, a Black Knights uniform. I tailored it for you already. Are you sure?”
Suzaku nodded, taking the Black Knights uniform with a solemn expression. “For a while there, I thought I’d never bear the thought of the Black Knights. But not only knowing it’s you, but seeing how you operate from the inside…”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t think being a Black Knight sounds that horrible after all.”
“Gee, thanks.”
With a small smile, Suzaku donned the uniform—until his new allegiance covered up his old scars, shrouding him in a fresh future.
Lelouch couldn’t contain his own grin. Suzaku looked quite fetching, and of course possessive desire curled in his belly that Suzaku was wearing Lelouch’s brand of justice. “It suits you.”
“You suit me.”
“Well, naturally.”
Suzaku leaned in for a kiss, holding Lelouch gently by the face as he kissed him soundly. “To a new future.”
It would take time for Suzaku to fully heal, but they had time. Together. Lelouch smirked, holding out his hand. “Let’s go rescue the world.”