KalansPhantom
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When Stede finally gets to try real (tm) gay sex for the first time he finds out it’s not all he’d imagined it would be. thankfully, emotional support hook-up Edward Teach is there to help him talk it through.
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- Part 4 of Kinky One Offs
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"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness".
1 John 1:9
Edward Teach knows sin and guilt. He's got success and fame, a life that most would envy professionally, but his personal life is another matter entirely. He's shit at relationships, shit at finding happiness, in general, Ed's always been a bit shit. He knows he's floating through life, and eventually floats back into the same city he went to college. The same city he once crushed a sweet guy all for the sake of winning a bet.
And meets Father Stede Bonnet, a man who seems to see into his guilt-laden soul and offers to wash his sins clean.
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Stede Bonnet has gone through his life behaving. He married an omega, had pups, went through med school, worked at a prestigious practice, but as time went on, he became more aware that he didn't fit in that life. When his father passes he decides that it's time to take his life in his own hands and that's how he finds himself at the Queen Anne Clinic. It's how he meets Edward Teach, an alpha with a reputation and charisma. An alpha that begins to make him question things about himself he's never faced, but now...he's left seeking answers.
And Edward Teach? Is happy to give them.
Series
- Part 7 of Our Flag Means Omegaverse
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Twenty years ago Edward Teach was captured and faced the noose before being offered an the King's Act of Grace. In exchange for ten years of service to the crown he'd be given freedom, all he had to do was join the Aerial Corps and allow his body to be twisted into a machine of war complete with taloned feet and wings. Feared and disdained, he's lived his life in endless battles with no end in sight. What does a monster do? What life is left for him?
When he injures his wing in battle he finds himself at the doorstep of a man who he's been told can help repair damaged feathers. What he finds is a lunatic living in an airship and promises of something Ed had thought had been lost to him for twenty years.
Hope. And a future.
Things do not go as planned.
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Stede promised he'd come back for Ed, a promise he knew he'd always keep, even if it took a little longer than he hoped.
Series
- Part 14 of Twitfics/Skyfics
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Star Light, Star Bright by KalansPhantom, nocturneequuis
Fandom Our Flag Means Death (TV)
24 Nov 2025
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- 76,517
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- 1
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In which Dennis "I'm obviously just a beta with a really mild scent and a huge thing for Alphas" Whitaker is completely obsessed with his chief and the night shift attending, and it's all totally normal and completely ok and 100% Not A Problem.
So why is he so hot under the collar? And why is his mouth where his fangs would be so damn sore all of a sudden? And why is the whole room suddenly white hot and smelling like the most delicious thing he can imagine?
An unconventional love story.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 85,475
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Comments:
- 379
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- 1,661
- Bookmarks:
- 348
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- 40,082
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
15 Mar 2026
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The island of snacks is a refuge for Stede. Island of Misfit Orgy-goers, he thinks to himself. He snatches a bottle of water, does as the sign says, and hydrates. He can hear music playing throughout the whole house, a sexy and sultry playlist that he quite enjoys. Over the sound of the music are the occasional moan or sound of slapped flesh and a whimper. Stede blinks, staring at the wall and taking in the sounds of the evening. Could he distinguish Mary’s voice from the rest? He wonders. He doesn’t think he can. He doesn’t know if he’s ever heard her in the throes of passion, come to think of it, and that thought slightly depresses him.
“First time?” a deep voice says across the island.
OR:
Stede and Mary attend their first queer poly play party, and Stede learns a lot about himself with the help of a delightful stranger.
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
18 Feb 2026
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A crew conducts a daring raid on the ship of the Mad Wizard Low, rescuing a man who's lost his memories. As Stede adjusts to his new life onboard a pirate ship, fleeing from the wrath of the wizard and trying to avoid the navy of the Immortal King, he tries to piece together what happened to him.
How long was he locked away? What did Mad Low want with him? And is he really just an average human mortal man?
Haunted by a recurring dream of a beautiful man in a raven mask and the burning conviction someone he loves very much is out there, Stede searches for answers, and begins to suspect he may have had a role in a failed magical ritual that plunged the world into chaos and flooding—held only at bay by the mysterious Blackbeard.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 141,187
- Chapters:
- 13/13
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- 1
- Comments:
- 198
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- 79
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- 37
- Hits:
- 1,688
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
04 Jan 2026
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Summary
Stede Bonnet, modern day wealthy vice president of his father’s company, tires of his monotonous life of commuting from the hustle of the city to the cookie cutter suburbs and dreams of a peaceful life on a New Zealand sheep farm. However, because he has absolutely no idea what he is doing, he must hire a crew of unique and lovable farm hands.
Things did not go as planned…This uses season 1 of OFMD as a base but sets it in modern times. We tried to capture the vibe of the show without rehashing it. Quotes used but not in the same context as the show, just as little nods. We do venture into a "season 2" that we made up ourselves. There is sexual content.
Come yell at us on Twitter @weejanefeeney (individual posts on this account) and @bigjanefeeney the sister account
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 147,049
- Chapters:
- 49/49
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- 1
- Comments:
- 130
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- 238
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- 66
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- 6,170
Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
06 Dec 2025
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Bookmarked by KalansPhantom
24 Oct 2025