Loki133
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"We at the Theraprism are happy to tell you that your spouse is safe and healthy.”
“I don’t have a spouse.” Said Ford.
“Yes, you do.” The entity pulled out a holographic binder. “Here, I have the paperwork."
Ford, suddenly assaulted by ghosts of lost, alcohol-soaked, hazy, whisp-like memories circling in the periphery of his mind, went deathly pale and had to take a step back to lean his weight against the cash-counter.
“I- That- That cannot have been legally binding!"
Or: Stanley Pines isn't the only one in the Pines family to get blackout drunk and married on a whim.
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“People always talk about how bad the surgery is,” Ed told Hawkeye, “but you never hear people mention how much it sucks to have fifty pounds of metal hanging off your body. Bolts in your bones.”
“What’s happening?” Mustang asked sharply, turning toward them with his clouded eyes still lingering a few feet over their heads. “Hawkeye? What’s Fullmetal doing? Is there something wrong with his automail?”
Ed flicked the lighter again, waited a little more patiently this time, and inhaled. Then he gave Hawkeye a nod, giving in to the inevitable. The only reason Mustang hadn’t figured it out already was probably because Ed didn’t do a lot of... this sort of thing. The comfort thing. Mustang liked people to play into his expectations.
“Edward came out to smoke opium,” Hawkeye said at last. “He says it helps with the pain from his automail.”
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The Scientist's Lament by Agapostemon
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
11 Sep 2023
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Following Al's restoration, the Truth sends the Elric Brothers to another universe with zero information. Neatly forged paperwork lands Ed a job teaching summer school remedial chemistry to children who are older than he is. Due perhaps to cosmic ineffability one of these summer school kids can lead the Elric brothers to precisely who the Truth had in mind. Book 6, Brotherhood.
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“There’s a law against fraternization between officers, Havoc. Are you trying to lose your job?”
Bizarrely, Havoc somehow looks even more befuddled than before.
“Is this some sort of joke? That got scrapped when Grumman revised rules of conduct.”
“When Grumman did what?”
“Sir, it just happened two weeks ago. It went past your desk, for God’s sake. Where have you been?”
(In which nobody told Roy Mustang that Hawkeye was fair game.)
Series
- Part 1 of The Natural Progression
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Don't Ask Questions by Moonlight_Hearts
Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
17 Aug 2021
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He left the town for the first time when Mom died. He didn’t know what he was doing, and he didn’t know where to go. He tracked through shaded alleys and talked with the people Mom always told him to avoid.
Or: Ed knows shady people and the people around him are more than concerned