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The First Thing I Do When I Conquer the World Is Teach That Brat Harry Potter Sex Education by SnowInMay
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
19 Mar 2026
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Summary
Lord Voldemort has a to-do list for when he conquers the world, and at the very top of it is giving that brat Harry Potter a sex education lesson.
Oh, and also teaching that Mudblood Hermione Granger how to say “no,” too.
Series
- Part 3 of Harmony 🐸😺
Bookmarked by izbellend
20 Mar 2026
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Summary
“Are you able to hear my thoughts in your mind?” Malfoy’s head snapped to her, and her stomach dropped as she knew the answer to her question. He was wondering if she could hear his as well. “Yes,” she breathed, gulping nervously. “We broke the Wishbone.”
Malfoy stared at her, speechless for once in his life. Fortunately and unfortunately, he did not need to speak for Hermione to know he didn't understand.
“We’re in each other's minds now. Are you happy?”
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In a war-torn Wizarding World, Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding after a failed attempt on Albus Dumbledore’s life, now with bounties on his head from both sides. Meanwhile, Hermione Granger seeks to find a magical artifact said to grant infinite wisdom - something that could help her in the hunt for Horcruxes. Their fates intertwine at Dumbledore's funeral, where the cursed artifact links their thoughts and minds together in a seemingly unbreakable bond.
As they grapple with this unfortunate turn of events, both must confront their own prejudices and pasts, all while working together to break the spell that binds them. Post HBP AU, Wartime.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 125,782
- Chapters:
- 37/38
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 409
- Kudos:
- 1,075
- Bookmarks:
- 460
- Hits:
- 59,331
Bookmarked by izbellend
07 Jan 2026
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Summary
Five years after the war, Draco Malfoy is a professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he loathes every second of it. As a part of a plea deal with the Wizengamot, he’s forced to assume the role of teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts—an assignment that is meant to both “reform” him of his old alliances and demonstrate to the next generation through a first hand account just how detrimental choosing the wrong side (and trying to overthrow the wizarding government) can be.
Parents are furious, children are frightened, and staff are disgusted with the decision, but no one is quite as curious about his presence as Hermione Granger, who is a first year resident Healer beneath Madam Pomfrey after spending her previous years post-war studying muggle medicine at Oxford University.
As Draco grapples with the very idea of redemption for himself, he’s forced to push far beyond what he knows to answer a question that has plagued him for as long as he can remember: where does he actually stand?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 129,316
- Chapters:
- 25/?
- Comments:
- 287
- Kudos:
- 530
- Bookmarks:
- 275
- Hits:
- 33,722
Bookmarked by izbellend
07 Jan 2026
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Summary
Ineluctable- that which cannot be escaped, resisted, or turned aside; the pull of fate itself.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 580,362
- Chapters:
- 60/?
- Comments:
- 2,005
- Kudos:
- 1,698
- Bookmarks:
- 447
- Hits:
- 76,154
Bookmarked by izbellend
03 Jan 2026
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Summary
[COMPLETED - but still editing] Held captive at Malfoy Manor, Hermione Granger never expected to fall for her enemy. But in the darkest days of the war, she and Draco Malfoy find something real, something worth risking everything for. When Voldemort threatens to read Hermione’s mind through Legilimency, Draco makes the ultimate sacrifice: he erases Hermione’s memories of their love to save her life. Hermione makes him swear to find her after the war, and help her remember. Now, back at Hogwarts for her final year, Hermione has no memory of what they shared. As Draco quietly reenters her life, determined to win her back, he finds himself up against more than just her forgotten past. With Ron Weasley and his own best friend, Theodore Nott, both growing closer to Hermione, Draco must face the possibility that some hearts may be lost forever.
Note: This is not a Triad, but a love triangle
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 205,651
- Chapters:
- 50/50
- Comments:
- 213
- Kudos:
- 500
- Bookmarks:
- 472
- Hits:
- 40,927
Bookmarked by izbellend
03 Jan 2026