unavoidablysarcastic



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    “Did we win the game? Why is Il— Rozanov here?” Shane croaks, confusion written plainly on his face. One of his arms is in a sling. He shifts and winces, his good hand hovering idly over his stomach, then pressing into his eyes. He’s aching all over, this sudden feeling of wrong, wrong, wrong engulfing his entire body.

    “What happened?” he asks, more alert now, “Where am I?”

    Hayden just looks at him, shock and heartbreak written all over his face.

    Or, post-marleau’s hit, shane ends up in the hospital. he ends up with a broken collarbone, concussion and a devastating loss he’d never anticipated.

    Language:
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    8/?
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    25 Mar 2026

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    “Are you sure it is even mine?”

    Hollander seemed genuinely hurt by the suggestion, his big dark eyes fixed on the tiled flooring at Ilya’s feet. For a moment, he looked like he was about to cry again. “It doesn’t matter if it’s yours... Which it is, by the way. You fucking asshole,” he twitched. “But it’s not like we’re together. Whatever choice I make, I wouldn’t ask anything of you.”

    “Good.” Ilya kind of felt like he was going to cry too now. He wasn’t quite sure why. “I’m glad you know this.”

    “Fine.”

    “Fine.”

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    17/20
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    25 Mar 2026

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    Shane let out a put-upon sigh and stepped into Dr. Terry's office, closing the door behind him. “So, I was really nauseous this morning. Threw up a little. And Ilya is making me come talk to you about it.”

    Terry quirked an eyebrow at him. “Husband Ilya or Captain Rozanov?”

    “Both.”

    “Oof.” Terry gestured at him to take a seat. “You sure you’re not dying, bud?"

    (formerly titled: at the top of the mohs scale)

    Language:
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    69,347
    Chapters:
    22/?
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    25 Mar 2026

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    Everyone is born with the first words their soulmate will say to them tattooed on their body. It’s considered polite to try to make your greetings unique, to avoid any potentially life-altering, terrible miscommunications. 

    Ilya Rozanov is not polite. 

    Language:
    English
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    39,612
    Chapters:
    13/14
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    433
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    24 Mar 2026

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    In a move that shocks the hockey world, Shane Hollander ends up signing to the Centaurs at the same time as Ilya Rozanov. Not only do they have years of rivalry behind them, but they've also shared a night neither of them can forget.

     
    Or, a soulmate AU where their soulmarks grow stronger as their bond grows.

    Language:
    English
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    22,314
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    644
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    15,008
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    24 Mar 2026