Chapter Text
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Rodney follows John silently. Despite his rising panic, he strides behind, distantly enough to appear casually platonic to any observers. Reaching their destination he flits up a hesitant glance. John gives a polite nod as if they are saying goodbye for the evening rather than entering two rooms shared by a hidden panel door.
Rushing to the inside panel, it opens to John's deceptively calm face. Without knowing what to say, Rodney gapes wordlessly.
The stillness of John's expression makes something twist painfully inside Rodney. And the tension of the mood only thickens as he paces past him, slowly rubbing the back of his neck.
Slow and deliberate, finally John speaks, "So, just how many people know about us?"
"It uh, wasn't, I did mean to," Rodney babbles quietly, then stills his growing dread with a deep lungful, "Eight."
'Please John don't leave me, I didn't mean to-' Another breath and Rodney answers out loud in more detail, "Eight people. Ronan, Teyla, Carson, Jeannie, Dave, Jennifer, Daniel, and Vala.”
“Fuck.” John curses under his breath, “I don’t even know this woman.”
“I, uh, I-I’ve gotten to know Vala a bit.” Rodney’s voice shakes, “She's been discreet and Daniel vouches for her, but, I know, believe me, I know, it doesn’t change the fact that I fucked up and… I’m really sorry.” His voice cracks on the last syllable.
John spins back to Rodney, a storm of emotion now clouding his face; he gently takes Rodney’s hands in his, “Mere, I don’t blame you. It's not your fault. This whole situation is fucked, it always has been.”
Closing his eyes wearily, John's heavy lids open again with shadows under his eyes, “You shouldn’t have to deal with this, with the way things are. I know you deserve someone who can give you more, something real."
Rodney’s stomach twists and knots in sharp jolts. John is leaving him over this; pulling away like he always does, retreating behind his fortifications where Rodney won't be allowed to reach him. Succumbing to his certain fear, the jumble of emotions become incoherent in his own mind. 'Alone. Without John. The end of everything.'
“Please, Em.” Rodney pleads as his hands cling desperately to John's, “Don’t go. I’ll be better. I’ll do anything to be with you." His pinched voice growing higher, “Please don’t go, please. It doesn’t matter how we have to live just as long as I have you, I love you, I-“
The torment spilling from him is stopped short by John’s embrace; a possessive arm wraps around his waist, the other lightly cradling his nape as John pulls him close, breath warm against his neck, “Mere, stop. God, I’d never leave you, I'd do anything to be with you."
"I wish," Rodney can feel John's mouth grimace against his skin, "I just wish I could give you all the things you wanted because this, this is so much less than that." John pulls back, swiping his thumb over Rodney's creased brow, "I might not be able to marry you or give you a family but I'd give up everything else in this world to make you happy.
I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I’m yours and I love you..." John kisses the disappearing frown on his mouth until Rodney relaxes into the trust and safe knowing that John still loves him. "There, that’s better."
Trying to return the favor and soothe John’s fears away, Rodney moves his hands over the worry lines edging John's eyes. He ghosts his fingers over John’s lips trying to tease them out of the firm pressed line. Reaching onto his tiptoes, he first kisses the crease in John's brow, then continues with featherlight caresses until their mouths fit together. That's when what's left of John's scowl releases as his lips fall into their natural pout, kissing him back.
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John's body hums with desire, a rippling wash through his entire body. The color in the room swims and he goes hazy. Lost in the swirl of Rodney's tongue snaking and curling with his, it's taking him away; taking him almost beyond the deeper fear or doubt.
He drinks in everything he can, absorbing the thrill of being with the man he loves. He could never let Rodney go, never live without him. His kisses are haunting and desperate, like a prayer, begging Rodney to let him be enough.
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The way John kisses Rodney, it's as if it will be the last kiss they will ever share. There is a kind of desperation to it. Like John blames himself for thinking he can't give Rodney what he needs, the way he blames himself for everything. Why can't John believe this is all he ever wanted? Rodney kisses his answers in return. I want you. Only you. You are mine.
He feels John taking it in, like he's been starving in a desert and coming back to life. Rodney needs John to feel it, to know this is real. Boldly dominant, he runs his hands up the inside of John’s shirt and possessively over his chest. Grinding his hips with the sexual charge, he lets John feel just how hard he is for him.
This isn’t how they usually play, and John starts a little.
Rodney laps at John's lower lip and bites it slowly. John shudders with a slight gasp and Rodney smiles, that gets him every time. Using the moment, he reaches down and palms John’s cock through his pants. He's just as hard and Rodney knows he wants it too.
Gripping it firmly with more confidence, he gives John an even look to let him know he's taking control. John blinks, questioning Rodney with his eyes and wondering if this is okay. But he lets Rodney take the lead as he comes back in for another deep kiss. John moans, touching Rodney‘s back more hesitantly now.
Running one hand over John’s chest, Rodney pumps John’s cock with the other. And John's shoulders slope into Rodney, letting him have his way with him.
Catching John’s lower lip in his mouth again, Rodney whispers, “I’ve been thinking so much while you were away... About what I'm ready to do…”
“There are some things I can’t do yet…" He suckles along John’s jawline and neck, taking turns between kissing and speaking, "But there are other things I can do… things I want… things I want you to let me do to you…”
Returning to John’s mouth, Rodney kisses him a few times sweetly before pushing harder, more insistently inside his mouth.
“Mmmm” John groans in surrender, his body pliant, knees trembling under Rodney’s touch.
With a hand still gripping John’s cock, the other pulls John’s arm toward the direction of the bed “Will you let me?”
“Oh God, Rodney.” John stumbles a few steps forward.
With a lustful look, Rodney keeps backing them up to the bed. John looks smitten and lets Rodney pull him down onto the mattress. He pushes John into the comforter, quickly pulling his own clothes off before climbing atop, and straddling him.
He has to feel John's skin on his and pulls his shirt up his chest. John’s mouth hangs open as he stares at Rodney’s thick cock lying across his stomach. Rodney rocks his pelvis so that he is massaging John’s dick with his ass. He squeezes his own cock and moves it along John’s lower abdomen.
Speechless, John simply gapes at Rodney in lust.
Pushing John’s shirt further up his chest, he gives a command, “Now take this off”.
Without thinking, John reaches up and pulls it over his head.
“Mmm… nice.” Rodney smiles in appreciation.
Rodney rolls forward, pressing his cock into John’s groin, “So nice.”
He trails his fingers down John’s neck and over his perfect chest, wondering if John’s nipples are as sensitive as his. Veering in that direction, Rodney takes one with his mouth, sucking and flicking it with his tongue.
It doesn't seem to affect John as much as he thought it would but his chest flutters and he sighs as Rodney lavishes treatment on the other. Rodney takes the nipple in his fingers, holding it firmly while still grinding on him. John's breath is short and his eyes are half-slit, lost in the moment.
Moving on to enjoy more of his body, Rodney pulses his cock into John’s as his mouth explores his neck. He licks behind the lobe and John inhales sharply. Rodney smiles and sucks it, then licks strategically in the hollow behind the ear. John writhes under him, much more responsive now. This pleases Rodney immensely, as he has always had a fixation with John’s ears.
“Pixie ears.” Rodney murmurs.
“What?” John's breath catches.
“You have cute pixie ears.” Rodney trails a finger behind his sensitive lobes.
“I do?” John's eyes widen looking up at Rodney with a boyish expression.
“Mmmm. And I’ve always loved them.” Rodney looks down at John with love. That boyish look John gets has always made his heart flip flop. God, he looks beautiful smiling like that, innocent and playful.
John stutters out a sigh under Rodney's gaze, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself or how to process everything he's feeling. There are so many emotions in John’s eyes now, Rodney can’t even sort them all out. Happiness, lust, wonder, overwhelm, complete trust.
A startling realization hits him as he traces his fingers around John’s eyes, “They’re all gone.”
“What?” John asks gently.
“All your armored walls, your defenses…” Rodney exhales softly, “They’re all gone.”
“Only for you, Mere.” John's lashes blink up at Rodney with love.
“God, I love you.” Rodney leans down to take John's full mouth in his.
When Rodney gives John a chance to speak, he answers reverently, “And I love you, Mere." Cautiously reaching up to hold Rodney’s face in his hands, John slows down the seduction “Are you sure this okay with this?”
“I...I had this idea," Rodney gives John a slow kiss, "but I don’t know if you’ll like it -so maybe not…”
“What is it?” John smiles mischievously.
Rodney feels a little embarrassed trying to ask, “Well, since I can’t do some of the things I normally do, I was thinking about what I could do, you know, without getting scared. I mean, it’s been over 5 months now since Carson gave me a clean bill of health...”
“What do you want to do, Mere?” John looks amused.
“Well, I don’t know…” Rodney hunches his shoulders a bit, “if you would ever let me… be inside you?”
He watches John closely to see the answer.
John has a shy, quiet look on his face. He closes his eyes submissively and nods without hesitation.
“Oh.” Rodney feels his cock throb seeing John’s reaction. He exhales in excitement.
Then he wonders.“Have you ever done that before?”
John looks shy again, lowers his eyes and shakes his head.
Now Rodney feels less sure of himself. What if he can’t make John feel good? …Or what if it even ends up feeling bad to him? He frowns and realizes John is watching his reactions just as closely.
“But I would, Mere, with you.” John looks intently at Rodney, his expression innocent but sure, his face flushed and aroused.
“Oh…" Rodney feels his cock throb again, "Are you sure?”
“Yes.” John grabs Rodney’s face and pulls him into an insatiable kiss full of longing. He pulls away breathless for a moment, then back again, impatient for more.
As he moves his tongue in John’s mouth, Rodney imagines what it would be like to have John cum with Rodney’s cock in his ass. He grabs the back of John’s head and pulls into his full hair.
“Oh God, I want to fuck you so bad.” He moans in between kisses.
They are kissing so hard now, they are practically wrestling with each other.
When they come up for air, John tells him, “So, fuck me then.”
Hearing John say that, Rodney feels like he is going to cum right then.
Panting and pointing to John’s remaining clothes, he commands, “Take these off.”
John obeys and Rodney gets his lube and a hand towel out from the bed stand.
As John lies back on the bed, Rodney gasps. “God, you are so sexy.”
God. John’s body is so perfect. The long limbs and graceful curves, the muscles tight under his sun-kissed skin, His messy crop of dark hair, framing his boyish good looks, making him appears years younger than age.
Rodney admires the large hard cock falling into one of John’s legs. Part of Rodney wants to ravage John and fuck him hard, but this is John’s first time and Rodney wants it to be spectacularly good.
He wants John to know he is loved and to make him cum harder than he ever has before. John once had told Rodney that the blowjob Rodney gave him was the hardest he ever came. Rodney hopes he can break his own record.
“Mere?” “I don’t want to do anything wrong…” John looks questioningly at Rodney, he lifts his hands up, “Should I just keep my arms here?”
Thinking for a minute, Rodney tells him, “Yeah, unless I direct you otherwise.”
Returning his arms to his side, John nods.
Rodney walks to the bed and lowers himself on top of John. He brushes his lips across John’s brow, “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
He can feel John’s cock fluttering under him as Rodney takes his time adoring John’s face. He kisses John’s forehead, feeling the hair he loves so much brush against his cheek.
Combing his hand through the mane, he kisses along John’s jawline.
“I’m going to fuck you. I’m going to make sure you know you belong to me, the way you made me belong to you.”
“I’m going to make you cum so hard on my cock, that you won’t ever forget that you’re mine. I’m going to show you how much I love you.”
As he kisses John’s lips, Rodney can feel John’s cock throbbing under him. “I’m going to make you feel that.”
Taking John’s mouth with his tongue, he gives John a demonstration of what Rodney intends to do to him when he takes him. John moans and lets Rodney have his way with him.
Then Rodney kisses down John’s neck and then captures John’s arms with his hands. He pulls them up over John’s head and bites down on John’s shoulder hard enough to leave a mark. John cries out but doesn’t struggle.
When Rodney pulls his teeth away he growls possessively, “Mine.”
John’s cock twitches when he says it. Rodney moves his hands to touch John’s chest. And John passively keeps his hands above his head, right where Rodney left them. He works his way down John’s exquisite body worshipping every angle, every corner that may have been unexplored. Rodney laps at John’s stomach, hips, and his side.
He palms John’s ready cock and loves it. Normally he would have enjoyed sucking on it, but for now he massages it and strokes it. Rodney’s fingers explore the John’s inner thighs. Rodney takes a small diversion to run his fingers all the way down John’s legs. He wants to memorize every part this man.
Returning to John’s face, Rodney kisses him tenderly and trails his fingers around his eyes.
His hands still resting above his head, John looks up vulnerably at Rodney.
Oh God. The desire he feels is overwhelming. He kisses John hard, pulling him by the hair, back into the pillow. He sucks on John’s lips and gives a little bite.
John’s body trembles in anticipation. Rodney doesn’t want to make him wait any longer. He goes in for one more kiss and then grabs the lube and a pillow. Repositioning himself at the end of the bed, he motions for John to bring his knees up.
Now there is room for Rodney to climb onto the bed between John’s legs. He strokes John’s cock and lifts John’s ass to cup one of the cheeks, John lets Rodney position the pillow under him.
One of Rodney’s hands strokes John’s cock while he bites softly on John’s inner thighs. Enjoying the groans of pleasure coming from John, he runs the other hand over John’s ass and balls.
He gives John some time to enjoy the hand job, but doesn’t take John too far over the edge. John pushes his hips up, writhing and moaning. Rodney adds some lube to his hand.
“Okay, Em. I’m going to get you ready. When you feel me, I want you to push down, okay?
Pumping John’s cock, he places a finger at his entrance. Rodney pushes in and feels John opening for him. He waits a minute before moving his finger to stretch him. Rodney’s cock twitches thinking about how tight John is and the fact that Rodney will be his first.
Once, he has two fingers inside John he tells him, “I want you to feel something...There’s a spot here, I’m going to play with and make you feel good.”
John is nodding shyly again.
Rodney finds the prostrate and rubs his fingers over the spot inside John.
“Oh. Wow.” John bucks a little.
He slides his fingers lightly over the sensitive nerve endings and slows down his pace with John’s cock to make sure John doesn’t cum yet, “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
“Mmm. Mmm-Hmm.” Twisting and writhing, John still keeps his hands above his head, “Oh. Ahhh. Ughhhhh”
After letting John enjoy the sensation for a couple minutes, Rodney adds another finger to help him stretch, guiding John open and getting him ready to take Rodney’s cock.
Rodney can’t wait to fuck him, but he knows he is going to have to take his time getting it in, to make sure he doesn’t hurt John. He pulls his fingers out and generously applies lube to his cock, then moves up closer to John and lifts his legs to position his entrance with Rodney’s cock.
“I’m gonna fuck you, now.” Rodney tells him.
John’s eyes are wide and he stares for a moment with his mouth open, then he gives a quick nod.
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