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654 Comments on article Super Smooch!
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man0feels: what kind of kryptonite does that and where can I get some!
soooupergurl: is anyone else worried about supes I mean this is bruce wayne were talking about
BigBluBoiScout: pretty sure Superman can take care of himself
1ts4b1rd1ts4pl4n3: standing by to pick up the pieces if he can't!
soooupergurl: omg he better not break Superman's heart
flamebirb: so I guess "on vacation in the Virgin Islands" means "busy seducing Superman" huh
fa5terthanfla5h: hey remember when Superman was gone from Metropolis like a month or so ago and Nightwing showed up? "away on a justice league mission" my ass
superfan5452: HAWT
sp33dingbu11et: that's so sweet! I'm glad superman can find time for love uwu
sup3rsidek1ck: what is with all these superheroes and their civilian boyfriends all of a sudden…
...
"So Bruce, how does it feel to be responsible for corrupting a, quote, 'pure-hearted cinnamon roll' with your dastardly, playboy ways?" Dick asked, ambling down the stairs into the Batcave while he scrolled through comments on his phone. Bruce paused his workout.
"Did you come through the front?"
"You mean through the gauntlet of reporters practically climbing the gates? Why yes," Dick said.
"Please tell me you didn't—"
"Comment extensively on your relations with the Man of Steel?" Dick's grin was mischievous, but he relented under Bruce's unyielding stare. "Of course not. I just rode right in. They know better than to push. I'm surprised they're even bothering to stake out the grounds; it's never worked in the past."
Bruce grunted and turned back to the Wing Chun dummy he was abusing. There was a utility table nearby that was currently clear of clutter and Dick boosted himself onto it, legs swinging. "Will that playboy stop at nothing in his conquests?" Dick read aloud. "Bruce Wayne has disappeared from the social scene after last night's— Well duh, it was last night," Dick said, rolling his eyes. "Oh, listen to this one: I was abducted by Kryptonians last year and Mr. Wayne is in for a surprise in the bedroom." Dick paused. "Is that—"
"No."
"Ah. Right. Oh, here's a good one—"
"Dick. Why are you here."
Dick looked from his phone, to Bruce, and back to his phone. "Uh, second time in two months, Bruce. I'm starting to think you have an exhibitionist streak."
"Neither instance was intentional."
"Are you telling me you didn't plan for this?" Dick gasped.
The corner of Bruce's mouth twitched. "I didn't say that."
Dick waited for him to elaborate. When he didn't and simply went back to completing his set with the dummy, Dick shrugged and wandered back upstairs to track down Damian. Someone had to see how the kid was dealing with getting an eyeful of his dad and Superman making out every time he looked at the internet.
Bruce didn't begrudge Clark his fun. The manor was far better protected from prying eyes than any Metropolis apartment, and he was used to dealing with (and dodging) the paparazzi. He could avoid them for months, if he wanted, and it wouldn't even rouse suspicion. But as long as Clark had opened this can of worms, Bruce figured he might as well make use of it. After a few days of lying low, measuring the pitch of interest, Bruce had Alfred drive him out the front gates and take a direct and obvious route to Wayne Enterprises headquarters. On his instructions, Alfred skipped the private parking garage and simply pulled up in front of the building to let Bruce out quickly before driving off again. As expected, Bruce waded into a sea of cameras and microphones.
"Mr. Wayne! Bruce! Can I get a quote for Style?"
"Bruce, are you concerned about becoming a target for supervillains?"
"Bruce, over here, Gotham Life magazine, are you and Superman dating or is this more of a casual fling?"
Bruce stopped at the top of the steps into his building and looked back at the crowd spilling down them and onto the sidewalk. He raised his hand for quiet and could practically hear the reporters' salivary glands kick into overdrive. His physical position – the literal high ground – put him psychologically in control, while his reputation did the rest. Bruce Wayne might be hard to catch when he put his mind to it, but when he did stop and talk to the press what came out of his mouth was always worth printing.
"A fling? Tell me, does Superman seem like the flinging type to you?"
They all took that as they wanted, of course, either as an affirmation that things were serious or as a non-answer designed to distract from the fact that yes, he was toying with Superman's heart. There was a clamor of follow-up questions until he pointed at a young lady he thought he recognized from Business Week.
"Mr. Wayne, Wayne Enterprises stock has shot up over the past few days. Was your very public, er, relationship announcement planned with that result in mind?"
Bruce blinked, the picture of bewilderment. "Well that sounds like it would be a very irresponsible thing to do!" he said with a laugh. "Nice that it worked out, though. Yes, you in the back."
"Bruce, you've been gone from the social scene for months," a man from a national fashion magazine called from the back of the crowd. "Is this why? How long have you and Superman been seeing each other? Do you know his secret identity?"
"You're all so sure he has one," Bruce said with a cheeky grin. "Tell me, if you could be Superman, would you ever want to be anyone else?"
"Do you know Batman's boyfriend?" someone shouted. Bruce rolled his eyes.
"I think you mean ex-boyfriend. Yes, I read the gossip columns too. No, I don't know him. Which isn't to say I wouldn't have lunch with Mr. Kent any day; perhaps we could compare notes," he finished with a suggestive smile just bordering on a leer. Finding that a good note to end on, he slipped through the doors into the lobby of the building as chaos erupted in his wake. Security made sure the mob didn't make it any farther. Bruce took the elevator to his office, pulled up a stack of market reports and board correspondence, and got some actual work done while he waited for the phone to ring.
It took three more days for Lex Luthor to call him.
"Bruce! I'm so glad I caught you in the office," Lex said. Bruce switched to Bluetooth and kicked his feet up onto his desk.
"Lex Luthor, is that you? It's been too long. I don't think I've spoken to you since… must have been New Year's a year or two ago, huh?" It definitely was, and Bruce knew it. Normally Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor didn't move in the same social circles; for one thing, Lex didn't have much of a social life, and for another it was well-known that he found Bruce Wayne to be spoiled, shallow, frivolous, and undeserving of his company's success. But on that particular New Year's Eve they had attended, for once, the same party on a cruise ship off the coast from Metropolis – one that just so happened to be cruising over a spot where days before a meteorite had fallen into the ocean, its gorgeous green glow illuminating the waves from beneath and becoming an instant tourist attraction. Bruce had spent the evening spilling wine on Lex, attempting to seduce Mercy, attempting to seduce Lex, and generally bumbling about foiling any plans Lex might have had to slip off the ship and do a little kryptonite harvesting. The evening had ended with Bruce and Oliver Queen getting into a spectacular fight and accidentally knocking Lex overboard, after which the cruise director would hear of nothing short of Lex being airlifted back to Metropolis to make sure he'd suffered no damage. Meanwhile, Aquaman had been working quietly to safely break up and dispose of the meteorite. The evening was one of Bruce's fonder memories, and he thought of it often when he needed to dredge up a smile for the public. Doubtless Lex had a rather different view of things, though.
"Ah, yes, how could I forget," Lex said, and to his credit he didn't sound at all annoyed. "I was just thinking how far we've both come in just a few years. Wayne Enterprises is certainly thriving. I see you've been doing some interesting things in pharmaceuticals lately."
"Are we? You know I just let my board handle that stuff," Bruce said airily.
"Oh. Yes. Well. One must prioritize, I suppose. But no matter how hands-off you are, your name means just as much to your company as mine does to LexCorp. If our two companies were to consider, say, a partnership, surely you'd want to be involved in those discussions?"
"Uh, I don't know, Lex. That sounds like the kind of thing I'd need lawyers for, and paperwork, and…"
"Oh, no, no, you misunderstand me," Lex said with a laugh. "I just mean a casual talk, feeling things out. That's why I'm calling, actually. I know you must get so many invites, but I had my people send your people one to an exclusive gala at my newest facility. I wanted to extend the personal touch, though. I think you would find it to your benefit to attend."
"A party?" Bruce let his tone indicate that his interest had been piqued. But then he reeled it back. "At a… facility. I don't know Lex, I'm not sure that's my kind of soiree."
"I say facility, but of course it is much more than that. It's an experimental R&D location, part laboratory and part museum, entirely green, LEED certified, and situated upstate in the middle of some truly beautiful country." Lex coughed slightly. "I believe Wayne Enterprises' latest research and development endeavor is located in, er, the East End?"
And doing more good there than your facility is doing out in the middle of nowhere, Bruce thought. The East End suffered from endemic poverty and serious drug problems and hadn't been helped in the least by the recent territory wars. Wayne Enterprises was attempting to raise the quality of life in the area without gentrifying it, helping the current residents without raising the cost of living to the point where they'd be forced to move. Which was why that facility was modest, hired mainly locals, focused its research on combating drug addiction, and had a free clinic in the basement.
Bruce swallowed all of that and smiled so Lex would hear it in his voice. "Why Lex, that sounds like a challenge."
"Perish the thought."
"All right, I'll bite – say, wait a second," Bruce said. "This isn't just some plan to meet Superman, is it?"
"Certainly not!" Bruce had to hand it to Lex, he did "shocked" very well. While Lex's status as a supervillain was well-known in the superhero community, in the eyes of the law nothing could be proven. LexCorp had only ever been tangentially associated with any crime, and each of those instances had found a convenient scapegoat. As far as the judicial system was concerned, the only thing Lex was guilty of was having hiring managers who were lax with their psych evals. Publicly, Lex Luthor seemed to have a mild distaste for Superman, but that was understandable given the amount of property damage that usually accompanied the foiling of those tangential crimes. "Of course you can bring a date if you choose," Lex said graciously. "But I'm sure Superman has more important things to do than listen to a couple of businessmen talk shop."
"Yes, well, they tell me he occasionally saves the world," Bruce said. "Tell you what, a stag night sounds fun. We could use the time to catch up." He put a hint of a flirt into his tone just to make Lex flinch remembering that New Year's party.
"Indeed. I'll look forward to seeing you there."
"Me too, Lex. Me too."