Chapter Text
Chronic Depression was his cause of death.
The sea was his gravestone.
-
As he sat in the backseat of his parent's car, Eren looked out the window to the waves breaking along the sand. Eyes glassy, blinking dumbly against the glare of the Pacific sun, he let himself go. The emptiness in his mind was familiar—a constant presence that he learned to accept. No matter how many pills, therapy sessions, promises, and stupid questions, he knew already how he'd die. He wouldn't get better. Chronic was synonymous with terminal.
He felt the car slow, tires crunching over the gravel and sand. Shifted into park, radio turned off, keys chiming in the ignition. He faked sleep.
"He's out," His father murmured, moving in his seat behind the wheel. "A fourteen hour drive will do that to you, I suppose."
"His insomnia must have given up for now." His mother sighed, tired. "Is this... really the right decision, Grisha?"
"Carla," He sounded impatient. Eren imagined his lips thinned, forehead in wrinkles. "We've talked about this. Eren needs rest, a vacation from home. Some fresh air will do wonders for his mental health." He removed the keys, the ringing reminder gone.
"Look at him, Grisha," She begged, angry, probably clenching her teeth and pulling on her hair. "He's so thin, his eyes are purple, he needs to more therapy."
Eren nearly shot up in his seat. Couldn't they just leave him alone? Let him decide?
"No, he's staying here with the Arlerts, Carla. End of discussion."
The door opened and slammed, jostling his temple against the plastic. His mother followed, but gently closed her door. She tapped on the glass.
"Eren," Her voice was tight, but controlled. "Eren, sweetie, wake up. We're here."
Skilled in the art of bullshitting, he blinked slowly and yawned. He ended up actually yawning and tried to rid of his sleepy tears. Grunting, he stretched before wiggling. His ass was fast asleep and practically buzzing.
"Fucking finally." He said under his breath, bending to look at the house in front of them.
The beach house was a three story condo. White walls, windows, porches, and decorations. Only the visible ceilings were a powder blue. The front door was a classic French, clean and purposed for natural light. Sea shells sat on the balcony edges, lining the rails with different colors, all perfectly matched from light to dark. He assumed Armin's handiwork.
"Can you get your stuff?" His mother asked, drawing his attention.
A fresh breeze of salt and sea life smacked his cheeks.
"I'm fine." He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. He jumped out of the car.
He smacked away her arm when she reached for his things. She let him stuff his music into his backpack and toss his duffle over a shoulder. Slamming the trunk shut, ignoring his mother's hurt look because fuck, now he felt bad, Eren followed his father up the steps.
The door bell rang, but instead of the standard jingle, wind chimes echoed in the house. Readjusting his luggage, Eren decided he preferred the new sound.
"Oh, you're early!" Armin's grandfather opened the white door and smiled, face shaded under his straw hat. "Grisha, Carla, Eren come in please."
Grandfather squeezed them all as they passed the threshold and laughed when Eren tripped over nothing.
The inside was in stark contrast with the outside. Darker, rich colors decorated with walls and furniture. There were three couches, one leather, one fabric, and the last a black wicker. Sand scratched under their feet and the marble floors. A large television was planted in between two of the couches, sandwiched by bookshelves. Windows were open, letting in the breeze and the wet air that always seemed to swim around the sea. Eren took a deep breath and exhaled when he heard hurried footsteps.
"Eren!"
Armin launched himself at his best friend and laughed into his neck. He wore shorts and a tank-top, a book in his right hand. The blond tore away with a bright smile and even brighter eyes.
"I can't believe you're already here!" Armin cheered, and turned to Grisha and Carla. "Good to see you, thanks for letting me steal Eren for the summer."
His grandfather laughed, clear and happy. Eren liked that sound too.
"You wouldn't believe how many times he asked me today, 'Is it three o' clock yet?' 'Did you hear a car pull-up?'" He didn't seem annoyed, but amused. He tossed Eren a grin.
Grisha laughed, but Eren could detect the strained, high-pitched edges. He felt cold despite the summer-heated air flowing through the condo.
"Of course, we're thankful for your hospitality." His professional voice was deep and forceful. Grandfather didn't break his smile, but continued to cheerfully push away the looming grim atmosphere. They all knew why Eren was really there.
"It's no trouble, Armin is glad to have a friend for the summer. He even got a job at the corner," He pointed in the vague direction and they all turned as if they could see the store. "Book clerk for four hours everyday."
"That's wonderful," Carla piped up, giving Armin a gentle smile. "You two must be so excited."
Eren nodded, feeling slightly less empty. Armin always managed to lift his spirits with his enthusiasm and general love of knowledge. The blond nodded vigorously.
"Definitely!" He grabbed Eren's wrist and tugged, "Come on, let's get you settled. I want to show you around before it gets too late." He waved to the Jaegers and his grandfather before darting up the stairs.
"Thanks for the save," Eren whispered behind him, stomping just loud enough for his overbearing parents to fall deaf to his words. "I've missed you."
When they reached the top steps, Armin stopped. He turned with a wobbly smile and wet eyes.
"I missed you so much," He breathed and leaned in for a hug. Happy to oblige, Eren scooped him closer and rested a cheek on his head. "I love you, Eren."
Heart growing two sizes, Eren let himself break out a tilted smile. His cheeks hurt with the action, but Armin was always worth the pain.
"Love you too, Armin." He squeezed before exhaling quietly. Armin pulled away, tears edging his waterline.
"Now," Armin swallowed heavily, looking away with his cheeks dusting pink, "Your room. It's across from mine, third floor. There's a balcony overlooking the beach too."
He lead him up another flight of stairs and journeyed to the end of the house. Three doors sat near large, clean windows. They were open and the breeze felt heavenly. Armin pointed to the only door on the left.
"That's your's," He twirled to his own room, "And that's mine. I wasn't sure if you remembered, because I used to be on the second floor. But this time I have my own bathroom." He gestured to the third door, adjacent to his room.
Eren nodded, vaguely remembering. His childhood had been filled with beach visits, Mikasa finishing his ice cream, and Armin screaming if something touched his leg in the water.
"Noted," Eren said, tone light. "No sleepovers, then?"
Armin shrugged and opened Eren's bedroom, flicking on the lights. "Most likely." He said, "Grandfather insisted you have a room to yourself. But I told him that you probably wouldn't use it a lot."
Eren agreed. He missed Armin and despite wanting to be alone 80% of the time, he knew he should be grateful.
The bedroom was simple. A queen-sized bed lay in the center, the focal point and attention grabber. A canopy of net draped over the wooden posts and made Eren fell like he was on a honeymoon. The sheets were a deep navy, pillows artfully placed, matching the color scheme. A side table sat on either side, along with a dresser and a door, most likely a closet. French doors lead out onto a small balcony.
"Wow," He didn't know what the say. He noticed more shells on the rails, this time ranging from reds to oranges. "This is great, Armin."
"Grandfather dragged me to Bed, Bath & Beyond for hours." Armin jumped on the bed, swatting the net away. "For bugs, if you leave the windows open, which I advise. Summer here can get kind of gross."
He dropped his duffle and backpack, nodding. He appreciated the thought, but the room somehow seemed cold.
Armin sat up, "Oh, I think I hear them yelling for us. Let's go."
Eren let himself be tugged along, belly still upset despite how amazing his best friend was. He shook off the feeling, forcing himself to think about the sea, the parent-free summer, and the definite lack of therapy sessions.
-
The pizza was nearly enough to make him forget everything. He missed junk food and the joy of making food from scratch. His parents had left before dinner, insisting they were fine and wanted to get to their hotel before dark. Eren didn't mind in the least.
"All right, get out the yeast, Armin." Grandfather looked up from his book, on a pizza recipe. "Eren, could you grab the cheese from the fridge? You should be able to sniff it out."
Smiling widely, not sure how Grandfather made him feel like a million bucks, Eren nodded. He trotted to the fridge, found the cheese after a minute and ran into Armin.
"Ow!" Armin huffed and pinched Eren on the arm lightly. "You stepped on me."
Eren didn't apologize, but pinched his best friend back.
"Boys! The yeast and cheese please." Grandfather interrupted, smiling and rolling his eyes. "Also, for future reference, this is a food fight free zone."
Armin eventually handed over the plastic container of dried yeast. Eren placed the cold cheese on the back of his neck, his blond hair tied up. Armin yipped and jumped, smacking Eren in the stomach. Eren laughed and wheezed, not noticing Grandfather taking the cheese away.
"You jerk!"
"Armin, get out a medium bowl and the measuring cups. Eren," Eren turned to Grandfather, still smiling, "Behave."
He didn't promise anything.
They had a flour war, despite the rules of a food fight free zone. Grandfather smacked an egg on Eren's head while Eren pushed a bag of flour down Armin's shirt. Screaming, they ganged up on Grandfather and covered him in flour and soaked him with water. They ended up ordering pizza.
"Oh my god," Eren moaned around his slice of pepperoni, "It was so worth it."
Armin sneezed over his pizza, flour still everywhere.
"Yeah, yeah. We still have to clean it. And you have egg in your hair." Armin turned to his Grandfather, who was rolling a piece of pizza into his mouth. "You're so lucky you're bald. You don't have to get egg and flour out of your hair."
Grandfather shrugged, "Life's unfair. And you're right, you will clean it." He finished chewing and dusted off his straw hat. "We'll go down to the beach tonight, if you want. It's not too cold out yet."
"Awesome!" Armin grinned and polished off his fourth slice. "I'm still hungry. Are you going to finish that?"
Eren paused, looking at his second slice. He wanted to eat it, but now that the fun was over, he didn't really care. It had always amused him how much Armin could eat.
"No, you can have it."
"Armin!" Grandfather snapped, "Let Eren finish his own food. You can have mine." He slid over the box of hawaiian.
Grateful, Eren ate his slice and tried to memorize the taste.
"All right, get cleaning, then take a shower and we'll go to the beach." Grandfather stood and bumped the empty box on Armin's head. "Come on, I'll even help."
"Do you wanna swim?" Armin asked, taking his plate and Eren's into the kitchen. Eren followed, careful of the mess caked on the floor.
"Um, is that even a good idea? To swim at night?" He'd heard it exactly wasn't, but wanted to anyway. Armin, on the other hand, was easily scared.
"It's not... safe exactly. But we'll turn on the flood lights and wont go out too far. Come on, I've always wanted to." He started to load the dishwasher, and handed Eren a rag. "Do you want to wipe the counters? I'll do the floors."
"Sure." Eren scrubbed the counters, dancing around Armin and his grandfather. They cleaned every inch until Eren was about to complain about the smell of so much vinegar.
"Okay, you two can go shower." Grandfather relented, "I'll finish mopping. And don't take an hour, Armin."
Armin didn't answer, but his frown was enough. They trotted upstairs together and Armin stopped in a hall closet to grab towels.
"Here you go, I know you have some your bathroom, but you're kind of gross and trying to imitate a cake." He smiled and grabbed himself some too. "See you downstairs, don't wait up."
Eren nodded and walked into his borrowed room. Now that everything was silent, he felt drained. The day's social interaction was almost overwhelming. He hadn't talked or laughed that much in weeks, ever since Mikasa left for school overseas. The reminder of her lack of company had him sighing.
He jumped in the shower, clothes still on. He washed the egg out pretty easily, but the flour was caked on thickly. Washing his hair four times and finally getting most of it out, he turned off the water. The water tank inside the walls clanked and the water drained, still a cloudy white. Eren dried off, hung a towel around his waist and looked through his duffle for his swim trunks. He couldn't find them.
He eyed the closet and paused. The door was cracked and he could have sworn it had been closed when he'd gone for a shower. Did Armin or Grandfather get something?
Cautiously, he opened the door and found it empty with just a few clothes. After a moment, he closed it and turned to see the edge of his trunks under the bed. The hairs on his arms stood and he hurriedly grabbed them, dressed, and ran downstairs. He was definitely sleeping with Armin.
-
The beach sounded like muffled speech through a glass window. Eren could barely hear the waves or Armin's laughter as he ran into the surf. Grandfather stood behind them, trying to find the plugs for their flood lights. Eren turned around to the house, looking to his bedroom window.
What had happened? He had just freaked. His trunks were under the bed... so what? Maybe he had accidentally tossed them out when digging through his duffle. And he'd steer away from the closet all together. He didn't do well in closed spaces.
"Eren, come on! The water's fine!" Armin kicked water at him half-heartedly and pouted. "Don't be a spoil sport."
The flood lights turned on, momentarily blinding Eren. He blinked and look to the side of the house. He fell over.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Armin walked through the sand and helped Eren stand. "Why'd you fall over?"
"I-I-I could have sworn!" Eren pointed to the side of the house, now bathed in light. "Someone was there, on the porch!"
Armin tilted his head and frowned. Grandfather craned his neck to try and find whoever Eren had seen.
"I promise, someone was there! They were really pale and um, short." He sounded crazy and Armin confirmed his doubts with a shake of his head. Nobody was there.
"Well, maybe they got scared and ran off when I turned on the lights." Grandfather reasoned and patted Eren on the back. "I believe you."
Heart still slamming against his ribcage, Eren held onto Armin.
"Let's get in the water for a while before it get's too late." His best friend insisted and Eren nodded, finally tearing his gaze from the house. "Let's find some shells. I need some yellows and pinks."
While they searched for shells, Grandfather keep up a conversation to keep Eren's mind on topic. He was grateful. Slowly, he calmed down and shot Grandfather a small smile. He was an immense help.
"All right, time to go back inside." He called after another hour. "My fingers are so pruned, I don't know what are wrinkles and what are not."
Armin and Eren snorted, carrying their haul of shells and sea glass.
"Sleeping with me tonight?" Armin asked as they got ready for bed, pulling on sweats and brushing their teeth. Eren only grabbed a handful of clothes and his toothbrush from his bedroom, finishing his nightly routine in Armin's bathroom.
"Yep." He tried to hide the creeped-out tone of his voice, but Armin didn't seem to notice. He continued to brush his teeth and brush his hair.
"Ugh, will the flour ever come out?" He whined, yanking the hairbrush, "I washed like six times."
Eren shrugged and spit.
He waited in Armin's full bed, glad it wasn't so large. He wasn't a fan of big beds without someone to help him fill it.
When Armin finished, he jumped in bed, turned out the light and yawned heavily. He turned to face his best friend.
"I'm so glad you're here, Eren. I can't believe this is actually happening." He smiled sleepily. Eren felt affection rush through him. Armin almost always feel straight asleep when he put his head on the pillow.
"Me either." He yawned and closed his eyes. Armin turned back over and settled.
Eren forgot about the figure on the porch, his creepy bedroom, and why he was there. All that mattered what that Armin was there with him and he would be for a long time.
On the edge of sleep, Eren suddenly shivered. The air was colder now. He blinked and watched Armin's back move.
"Eren? Why are you tickling my feet?" Armin asked, voice sleepy and groggy. Eren felt his heart jolt and panic.
"I’m not touching you, Armin."