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It was jarring to watch Gai as his team was dismissed for the day. As the thirteen-year-olds headed away from the training grounds, chasing the sunset as towards the village centre, the life seemed to drain out of him, as if they were taking it with them. Out of their eyeshot, he wilted; his confidant stance faltered, and his trademark smile fell along with his shoulders. Kakashi watched for a moment more, as his friend sat down with his back against the world.
A small whirlwind of leaves announced his presence, giving his rival just enough time to stretch a façade of a smile from cheek to cheek, before Kakashi sat next to him, book in hand.
“Yo," he waved a two-fingered salute, visible eye creasing with his small, hidden smile. Gai's own grin lacked its usual warmth; it was like trying to heat yourself by a flickering candle, when you are used to a raging bonfire. It was unsettling, to say the least.
“Rival!” His voice was too loud for empty clearing. “What brings you to the training grounds so late? Are you looking for a sparring match?” Seconds before he launched into an energetic speech, Kakashi’s gloved hand on his knee halted him.
“Gai, it’s just me. There's no need to pretend now.” Gai’s grin dissolved into something much more muted, but genuine, the light finally reaching his eyes. “We’ve been through too much together for that,” Kakashi continued.
“I’m sorry, Rival,” his voice was far softer than when he last spoke, and he placed his hand on top of Kakashi’s just for a moment. “I should have known you’d see right through me.”
***
A comfortable silence engulfed the pair as they sat beneath the early stars, while the sky grew dark around them. Gai watched the bats as they flew in between the trees, Kakashi’s own gaze straying from the well-read pages to glance at his friend, carefully keeping the worry from his expression. His Rival would come to him when he needed support, someone to lean on; Kakashi just had to make sure he was there for him when the time came.
“Do you ever feel like you have nothing more to give your students, like they would be better off with another jonin mentor instead?” When he broke the silence, Gai didn’t meet Kakashi’s eye, instead keeping his gaze trained on the bats above. “There is nothing more I can give them now,” he continued quietly. “I have taught them everything I can.”
Kakashi kept his book out, though he didn’t take in a single printed word. What Gai needed now wasn’t his friend’s scrutiny in a vulnerable moment, but emotional support during a difficult time.
“Gai, you were given your team for a reason. You’re a taijutsu master; that’s the specific skill your students needed to develop.” He kept his voice soft, confident his words would reach Gai anyway. “You took three misfit genin – an angry, unfocused kunoichi, a lonely Hyūga branch family member, and a bullied and disabled child – and you made them into a team.”
Kakashi watched a brief smile grace his friends face, before his expression fell again, strong brows pulling together. When he spoke, his voice was almost as quiet as Kakashi’s had been.
“But I only really have taijutsu to teach them; taijutsu and weapon handling.” His gaze fell to stare at the grass at their feet. “They deserve so much more than I can ever give them.”
Kakashi watched as Gai’s hands clenched into tightly balled fists, knuckles turning white with the exerted force.
“I polished them into weapons, Kakashi. They’re children and they’re already tools for the elders and the Lords to use.” He spat out his words as if they were poisonous.
“You did your job. You completed your mission as their jonin leader.” Kakashi turned, facing his rival as he spoke. “You gave those kids the tools they need to survive. They made it through the Forest of Death, Neji made it all the way to the finals of the chunin exams. It was you that brought them together, you made that possible.” He tilted his head slightly, hoping his friend would find comfort in his honesty. Gai’s stony expression suggested otherwise.
“Neji was in the hospital in critical condition after the mission against the shinobi from Otogakure, Tenten’s confidence was completely shattered during her preliminary match, and Lee–” His voice broke and the pair lapsed back into silence for a few moments.
“I’ve cursed him; you were right to be so disappointed in me, Kakashi.” Tears began to make quiet tracks down his face, shining under the silver starlight. "I should have never taught him that damned technique." Kakashi took a moment to process Gai's expression; he didn't realise how painful it would be to see his friend look so haunted.
Paperback abandoned, he took one of Gai’s strong hands in his own, unfurling it and holding it tentatively, like it was a delicate, fragile thing – not a weapon capable of crushing a human skull on a whim.
“Gai, I spoke out of turn that day. That boy is something else; anyone could see that his commitment and dedication are virtually unparalleled. His taijutsu is truly amazing to watch.” Kakashi’s gaze never strayed from the marked hand cradled in his own; his fingers traced each weathered scratch and scar as he spoke. “I’m sorry, Gai; I was wrong.”
The subtle shake of his head was the only indicator that Gai had heard his words. His hand remained limp in his rivals.
“His dreams were almost ruined because of me. He’s trained all his life to prove that he can be a shinobi in spite of his own limitations, and he almost lost that.”
Leaving one hand holding his friend’s, Kakashi leant forward, tilting Gai’s head to look at him with the kind of care one reserved for sacred things.
“You saved that boy, Gai. The Sunagakure shinobi he was fighting would have killed him, had he not been able to open five of the hidden gates.” Gai was looking at him as if he was the only thing that made sense in the whole world; it was a look that warmed Kakashi’s insides and brought a soft smile to his face. “You taught your students the true meaning of strength – you gave them the ability to protect those who are precious to them.”
“Kakashi...” Silence followed as Gai didn’t continue; it seemed Kakashi’s words had finally reached him. He stroked his thumb across Gai’s cheek, as Gai’s fingers curled around his other hand.
“You have been the best teacher they could possibly ask for. You don’t just have taijutsu to give them; you’ve already showered them with unconditional support, and loyalty, and love. We need more sensei like you. You've done far more than make them into splendid shinobi; you made them a family.”
A soft sob left Gai’s lips as they widened to a smile. Tears clung to his lower lashes as he took a moment, seeming to compose himself. Kakashi withdrew his hand from his friend’s face, though he kept a tight hold of Gai’s hand in his lap.
“Thank you, Rival,” came Gai’s quiet reply, the accompanying smile soft and honest.
“Don’t thank me, just...” Kakashi would never ask Gai to stop crying. He couldn’t ask his friend to stop blaming himself; he knew just how impossible that task could be. Instead, he chose something simple.
“Just watch the stars with me?”
His reply came in the form of Gai resting his head on Kakashi’s shoulder, looking up at the darkening sky above. Kakashi smiled, relaxing in Gai’s comforting closeness, and intertwined their battle-scarred fingers together in the soft moonlight.