Chapter Text
“So now, you have to tell us: did he shag you in the meeting room that time he asked you to stay behind?”
I rolled my eyes, feeling an unwanted grin creep up onto my face.
Margo sighed and slammed a few gold nuggets into Chicky’s hand.
“What—what was that about?”
“Chicky bet me five Galleons that’s what you two were doing in there.”
“SERIOUSLY?!”
Everyone laughed.
“And you all knew about this?!”
More laughter.
“You guys suck, you know that?”
As annoyed as I was, my friends’ humor was infectious and I began giggling as much as they were.
We were sitting in the parlor, drinking tea and chatting about how much fun we’d had at my wedding and the New Year’s party. Warm hugs had enveloped me when I’d arrived at Margo’s house, followed by congratulations...and many inappropriate jokes. The year 2006 was off to a good start.
The girls had been apprehensive when I’d first walked in, now that I was technically their superior—they’d sat up straighter and their grins had faded a bit—but I assured them that our dynamic would never change as long as they were respectful. They all breathed a sigh of relief. It was nice that the only difference was their calling me Alera instead of Alex. A most welcome development.
I felt more at peace; more myself after changing my first name and taking Tom’s last name. It hadn’t occurred to me to feel either pride or disgust over my family name as a child, but that had changed once Tom had taken me under his wing. Being with him, as unnerving as it sometimes was, had allowed me to find my place—my place by his side, and my place in the Dark magic community. Changing my name had been a rite of passage: surrendering the final layer of the old skin I’d been shedding since Tom had claimed me.
I wasn’t the only person who noticed my transformation. Sofia, the observant mental health Healer, remarked that my voice was clearer, and my posture more relaxed. I appeared more in control of myself. She clarified that I’d never seemed unhinged; but she’d sensed a degree of insecurity under my confidence, which had melted away since my wedding.
The insinuation had initially offended me—that I’d had to get married to feel better about myself—but I’d misunderstood Sofia. It wasn’t the construct of marriage that had improved my demeanor, she said; it was that settling in with Tom had allowed me to flourish for the first time in my life. I had breathing room now.
Merlin, she was a mental health professional for a reason. She could psychoanalyze anyone down to their bones.
As unnerving as it was to be so clearly seen, I realized that I was only anxious because being seen had endangered me in the past. But the people sitting around me were not judging me—they were paying attention because they liked me. They respected me. Like anyone making a new friend, they just wanted to get to know me better.
I didn’t know what to make of this. It reminded me of the way I’d felt the night before stealing into Knockturn Alley during my final year at Hogwarts. I’d been lying in bed, thinking about how everything I’d endured had led me to that point in my life: the day I would take my first step into the adult world of Dark magic. I’d spent so many years wondering what would happen then—and when the moment finally arrived, it was a shock to the system. I wasn’t accustomed to getting my way.
As such, having a group of likeminded friends was something I’d only ever dreamed about. Now that I had this, I felt even more caught off-guard. I articulated this to the other girls as best I could. Reactions were mixed.
Lulu couldn’t empathize. Being wealthy and popular, she’d sailed through life until a few years ago, when Tom had begun pressuring her parents to prepare her for her Death Eater initiation. However, she didn’t look down on me as a former outcast; she merely found my circumstances curious. Part of her may have gotten a kick out of hearing about the bullying I’d endured at Hogwarts, because she could never resist the urge to feel superior to others—but she did like me, and so she kept that mean streak to herself. Of course, my marriage to Tom gave her a more compelling reason to behave, but she wasn’t only respecting me out of fear. And as someone who also enjoyed seeing others in pain, I couldn’t entirely fault Lulu.
Margo had more to offer than her posh best friend. She had grown up privy to both sides of society: the Pureblood socialite culture, and the sensation of not belonging. She’d fallen in with Lulu and the others very quickly upon arriving at Hogwarts, but she’d felt ostracized at home because she couldn’t relate to her relatives. She was more pragmatic and less focused on frivolous wealth accumulation, having being orphaned at a young age before moving in with Lucius and Narcissa. Like me, she’d begun her education with a more somber outlook than her peers. And so she understood me better than the other girls.
In what I perceived as a very un-Death Eaterish moment, I smiled wryly and conceded that it felt nice to belong somewhere. I didn’t think I’d ever said something so sappy before. But then Margo reminded me that most Death Eaters weren’t completely heartless—they had friends and lovers and families they cared for; they simply had a more profound darkness inside themselves. They struck a balance between their personal lives and their responsibilities to Tom. Just like I was doing now.
Sofia admitted that everyone in the room had succumbed to strong emotions over the years—some of which had been far more intense than mine. Chicky did not appreciate Sofia’s using her first breakup as an example. “You would have been sobbing, too, if your first love had cheated on you!” she whined.
The Healer found it amusing that what I’d considered softness was what most people considered barely scratching the surface of sensitivity. “You may have your moments; but you are not soft, Alera!” she insisted. “Trust me—I psychoanalyze people all day long!”
Chicky and Sheena then announced that they would be taking on the role of Guard Dog. They’d done this at Hogwarts, jumping in and shouting hexes at any adversary daring to come for their friends, and they were now extending that protection to me. I was one of them. Dark Lady or not, I was part of their group. They promised that if anyone ever tried to harm me, be it an Auror or a jealous Death Eater, there would be hell to pay. A very pink and glittery hell. (Of course I couldn’t tell them that Tom had already hurt me worse than anything they were imagining, but he was also the Dark Lord. No one was allowed to question him. And anyway, I’d gotten better at toeing the line with him, and so I’d avoided excessive punishment since the summer. My winning streak would grind to a screeching halt if I told the girls about the episode with the globe.)
Fighting down the shadow of that terror I’d felt when Tom had almost killed me, I now felt compelled to tell my friends the truth about how I’d left Hogwarts and disappeared. I waited for a lull in the conversation, and then dropped the bomb:
“So now that you’ve all made the Unbreakable Vow to keep my secrets, I feel no apprehension about telling you that I killed Erica Hornby and then fled Hogwarts.”
Chicky nearly choked on her tea. “WHAT?!” she sputtered. “You little sneak! Merlin’s beard, you lied to my face and didn’t even bat an eye. I believed every word!”
“We all did,” muttered Sofia, annoyed that she hadn’t seen through my tall tale.
“All right, so now you’ve got to tell us the whole story,” Margo insisted. “Start from the beginning.”
“Okay. Well, first of all, I hadn’t planned on doing it. It was self-defense.”
“Mhmm, sure....” Sofia mumbled, with her lips turned slightly upward.
“Hey! I didn’t just march over and attack her. I would’ve been locked up if I’d let her live.”
“Why?”
“Because the nosy little bitch invaded my dormitory, after the other fourth years had shooed her away. She wanted someone to talk to. Why she approached me, of all people, I’ll never know, but she did...and then she rolled up my pajama sleeve and saw my Dark Mark.”
Gasps all around.
“I warned her not to tell anyone. I gave her a chance!”
“How? By telling her you’d only cut off her arm instead of her tongue?” Sheena ribbed.
“Oh, come on. I wouldn’t have laid a finger on her if she’d stayed away from my dorm.”
Sheena lightly shoved me. “I know, hon. I’m just teasing. So, what did she do—threaten to tell everyone that you were Marked?”
“She did tell everyone.”
“Merlin!” Lulu exclaimed. “Are you serious?! And she really thought you wouldn’t retaliate? How daft was she?!”
“Extremely. She screamed at the top of her lungs, ‘Alex Halaway is a Death Eater.’ It was fucking ridiculous.”
“Oh, good grief!” Chicky spat. “I wish I’d been able to take a crack at her.”
I laughed humorlessly. “There was no time for sport. I Obliviated her; but then my Housemate Amy—the girl I framed—woke up and realized what had happened. I had to wipe her memory, too.”
“Quick thinking!” Margo praised. “Did you Obliviate all the others as well?”
“No, that would’ve looked too suspicious. I cast a spell to put everyone back to sleep, and then killed Erica with Amy’s wand. I positioned Amy’s wand in her own hand afterwards, and then fled to Hogsmeade. Luckily, my protective husband had been keeping an eye on me, and he was able to come and get me. I never looked back.”
“Were you...scared?” Lulu asked. “That sounds dreadful.”
“Yeah, I was terrified. My heart was in my throat. All I had was my wand and a Disillusionment Charm, and I was in my fucking pajamas. I left Hogwarts through a secret passageway, and got as far as Hogsmeade before—”
“The Dark Lord was waiting for you??”
“No, but he was using some complex magic to look out for me. He Apparated to Hogsmeade as soon as he saw that I’d gone there, and took me home immediately.”
“You weren’t kidding about being in a safe house,” Sofia quipped. “I can’t think of any house safer than the Dark Lord’s. I suppose you’re not allowed to tell us where you reside?”
“Correct. He’d have my head if I did.”
“If I may say so, he’ll probably have your something else when you get home tonight,” Chicky teased.
I snickered.
“But honestly, Alera—you just...dropped off the face of the Earth, according to the Prophet,” Lulu added. “I mean, we all knew you were fine because you were coming to Death Eater meetings and acting normal, but...how did you adjust? Did the Dark Lord plan on having to rescue you?”
“Yes and no. He’d already decided that he wanted to marry me, and he had a few loose plans for how I could move in with him after I graduated, but what ended up happening was completely unexpected. Luckily, he’d developed some advanced Summoning Charms, which allowed him to bring all my belongings into his home. The house elves helped me unpack, and then I just...settled in, over the next few weeks. It was actually pretty peaceful.”
“Do you ever miss your family?”
“No.”
“...Not even a little bit?”
“Not even a little bit. I don’t think they ever loved me; only the person they were trying to turn me into. I couldn’t wait to get out of their house. It wasn’t a home. Not to me, anyway.”
“Why not?”
“My parents were always breathing down my neck, criticizing my every move. And my sister was too meek to stand up for me. Anytime I got into a scrape, my parents automatically assumed it was my fault, and they never wanted to hear my side of the story. They never took me seriously. Even when I was being bullied, they accused me of bringing it on myself and exaggerating how bad it was, to gain sympathy and avoid accountability. And then they wondered why I ended up drawn to Dark magic.”
A hush fell over the room.
“All right, I think we need some levity after that depressing tale,” Margo announced. “I’ll be right back.”
A minute later, she rejoined the group with Falcon perched on her shoulder. I giggled at the sight. It was nice to see him in his true form—a stark contrast to the lanky, rambunctious young man gallivanting about Malfoy Manor a few nights earlier.
“Hi, Falcon,” I greeted him. “You look quite different from the last time we spoke! And you’ve got no room in your talons for tortilla chips.”
A loud SQUAWK! pierced my ears. Everyone flinched...and then laughed, when the bird flew off of Margo’s shoulder and landed atop the coffee table in front of me. With his head cocked to one side, he looked to be daring me to challenge him. I was not in the mood. I folded my arms and stared him down, a ghost of a smirk on my face.
“You wanna try something? It won’t end well. Not for you, at any rate.”
He whined in protest, until Margo strode over and pressed his beak closed.
“Falcon, sweetie, this is the Dark Lady,” she chided, while stroking his feathers. “Be nice. You don’t want the Dark Lord to be angry with us, now do you?”
“If he refused to be nice, the Dark Lord would be the least of his concerns,” Chicky threatened. “His biggest problem would be the glitter sticking to him for the next week.”
“No, NO!” Margo held up her hands. Her eyes widened. “First of all, you know I hate that; and second, Falcon would LOVE another excuse to cause mayhem, even in front of the Dark Lord! And I’ve had enough of his—”
“Okay, I think I might need to go home before you guys get into any more mayhem.”
“Nonsense, Alera! Sit down,” Margo chuckled. “We won’t do anything crazy. We take the piss out of each other like this all the time.”
“Indeed!” Lulu chimed in.
Pop.
“NO, CHICKY! You obnoxious little b—”
“You said it yourself, Margo! We take the piss out of each other all the time!”
“Oh, for the love of Merlin! Get this crap off my robes right this instant! And Falcon, stop rustling your feathers; you’re getting that shit everywhere! Sheena, stop enjoying that!”
The group had dissolved into giggles by this time, as Chicky had indeed sprayed Falcon with a massive surge of glitter. The bird was now gleefully fluttering his wings, spreading the bright pink sparkles all over the room. And us. By the time Margo had returned him to his cage, her entire living room was shimmering.
“So much for not doing anything crazy,” I tittered, shaking a spot on my robes that was now covered in glitter. The pesky substance would not come off. “Chicky, could you have at least made the glitter blood red so it would match my aesthetic better? The Dark Lady does not wear pink.”
“Now she does!” Chicky taunted. I whacked her arm.
Sheena laughed so hard, she snorted. And to Margo’s dismay, the rest of us weren’t that far behind. While yelling at Chicky, the Malfoy girl furiously swiped her hands all up and down her robes, trying to get rid of the sparkles. That only made us cackle more.
“Hey now, wearing glitter makes you look even less like a Death Eater than you already do! I’m helping you. In fact—Alera, what say you ask your dear husband to reward me for improving Margo’s disguise?”
I gave Chicky a you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me smirk, before turning serious. “Speaking of my husband, I really should be getting home to him. We’re waking up early to do some research, and I need a good night’s rest.”
“Ooh, that sounds exciting!” said Lulu. “What kind of research?”
“There’s a series of Dark spells we’ve been experimenting with lately, and they can be a bit...explosive; so working outdoors is safer. And one spell is most potent right after sunrise.”
“Wow! I can see why he’d want you home soon, then,” Margo replied. “Well, glitter notwithstanding, this was a lovely evening.” She embraced me when we stood up.
After a round of hugs and giggles and promises to visit again soon, I bade my friends good night and Disapparated.
Traipsing into the house with a patch of pink illuminating my robes, I smiled as I realized that for the first time, I belonged somewhere. I had found kindred spirits who enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed theirs, regardless of my status as their master’s wife.
I was happy. Truly happy. I felt peace.