Work Text:
There is nothing more pathetic than caution
when headlong might save a life,
even, possibly, your own.
- Mary Oliver, Moments
4pm and Steve Rogers was face down in a puddle. Billy Matheson had a hand in Steve's hair, forcing his mouth into the shallow water.
Bucky didn't think Billy was trying to kill the guy, but Steve'd come back to school after a bout of pneumonia only a couple of weeks ago and should definitely not have been getting water in his lungs - even if he was the most hard-headed kid in Brooklyn.
Bucky didn't like Rogers all that much. Steve was Becca's friend more than his, being too much of a wet blanket for Bucky's tastes, but Bucky couldn't in all conscience let the guy drown so he grabbed Billy by the collar and hauled him off.
Steve rolled over on his side, thin hair floating in the grey water, and took a deep, rattling breath.
"I think you've done enough," Bucky said.
"Piss off, Barnes." Billy rounded on Bucky, though something in his face made Bucky think he might be a little ashamed of himself.
"I've been sent to find him, Becca's invited him for dinner," Bucky said.
"Your sister's a whore," Billy spat. It seemed like a pretty crass thing to say about a fourteen year old.
Bucky supposed some guys punched anyone who talked shit about their family, no doubt Billy was one of them, but Becca wasn't even there to hear it. It'd be a dumb thing to make a fuss about.
"You don't really want to go to jail for drowning Rogers in a puddle," Bucky said.
Billy's face was flushed, but he didn't argue.
When nothing happened for a few more seconds Billy dug his hands in his pockets.
"Fuck you," Billy spat, but he stormed off so Bucky counted it as a win.
Steve was still on the ground. Bucky didn't ask if he wanted any help, since Rogers probably wouldn't accept so much as a glass of water if he was on fire. Instead, Bucky just tried not to watch as Steve wobbled slowly to his feet and swayed there.
"You didn't ha-" Steve coughed a little, "have to do that."
"Sorry pal," Bucky said, shrugging, "I'm not letting my sister's friend get beaten to death. I got morals."
Steve frowned. "Had him on the ropes," he wheezed.
Bucky took a long, slow breath and forced his fists to unclench.
"D'you say Becca was looking for me?" Steve asked.
"It's what I told Billy," Bucky said, and then, seeing Steve's face fall like that, "but I don't see why you can't come over anyway."
Steve seemed to be thinking of a reason why not.
"Look," Bucky said, shrugging, "it's no skin off my nose. You wanna come, then come, Becca'll be glad to see you and Ma always does plenty."
This was true, and Steve barely ate enough to fill a thimble anyway.
Before Steve could think too much about it, Bucky had him by the shoulder and was steering him for home.
It was then, standing so close to him, that Bucky caught Steve's scent for the first time. A thin wisp barely noticeable through the smell of alley water and the sick smell Steve always had on him.
Bucky could smell it anyway. It made his mouth water a little. It was the best omega scent Bucky had ever smelled. Steve smelled the way Bucky's favourite sweater smelled after he'd worn it, or the way his own bed smelled after he'd slept in it, or his own room when he walked through the door. Something primal and correct and his.
It seemed like an omega should not smell so similar to an alpha, but Steve did. And more than that, he smelled of home. Bucky had never wanted an omega before, he was pretty sure, not really, but he wanted to wrap himself up in that scent.
He looked over at Steve but Steve didn't seem to be having much of a reaction to Bucky at all.
That wasn't surprising, Bucky knew he didn't react how he was supposed to when it came to scents, liking all the wrong ones and hating the ones people liked best.
After that it was different between them. Becca and Steve fell out at one point, and by the time they'd patched things up between them Steve was Bucky's friend more than hers.
Bucky found himself in a lot more fights than he'd planned on getting into, and always because of Steve. The guy never knew when to quit or when to leave things alone.
To Bucky, it seemed obvious you couldn't change other people. Not by telling them what to do, and not by punching them in the mouth, either. If you could, he'd have changed a few things about himself.
For starters, Bucky'd learned quick enough that he reacted the wrong way to alpha scent. It was supposed to make him feel reckless and territorial and up for a fight. But it was like that feeling got all tangled up in his head into something else.
He'd noticed the other alphas around the same time the alphas started noticing the omegas. Bucky had privately laughed at them all showing off for every omega walking around, feeling somehow both smug and jealous. If he'd wanted an omega to want him, that would have been one thing, but there was no way he could show off for an alpha without getting the shit kicked out of him.
Well. There were some places, of course. But the thought of it made his skin crawl as much as it excited him. He wanted an alpha to pay attention to him, to like him. Even if it wasn't serious, he wanted it to be someone he liked.
On top of that, the one omega he did like was around him all the time and showed absolutely no interest. Bucky was so sick of Steve he could yell - Steve's pointless fights, his impossible standards - and loved him so much he couldn't pull away. It was unfair for a person to be so good all the time.
Bucky put it off as long as he could, really. Until he and Steve had left school and Steve's ma died and they were living together. By then, he couldn't go five minutes without thinking about it and any alpha at all started looking appealing. It was too much, wanting alphas and wanting Steve both.
He wasn't brave enough to try the bar, but he hoped that maybe someone coming in or out would spot him. The first time was a dud; he stood outside in the sweltering heat for hours but nobody even glanced at him and he went home.
The next time there was a guy. An alpha in his forties probably, tall and broad and with a shaved head. The alpha had a slight beer gut, and his age made Bucky feel young and stupid and like he was making a mistake. But as soon as the man put a broad, thick-fingered hand on Bucky's shoulder, Bucky felt heat spreading up from between his legs and up into his belly.
"Do you know what this place is?" The guy asked.
Bucky nodded, his mouth completely dry.
"You want it?"
Bucky nodded again. The alpha led him to an alleyway, and Bucky would have been terrified but by now it was inevitable. It had to happen. Bucky's whole body was humming.
The alpha unbuttoned his slacks and pulled himself out. His cock was thick and wet already at the head and Bucky wanted his mouth on it so bad he got on his knees right away, not even getting his own pants open.
"First time?" The guy said, and didn't wait for Bucky to answer before adding, "watch your teeth. And the knot-" the alpha paused. "You want to take it, I get it, probably been thinking about it a long time. But you can pull off to breathe, you can tap out any time. Hell, you can ask me to put it in your ass instead. You don't have to be a martyr."
Bucky nodded and the guy let Bucky get his hand on it and then his mouth. He was sucking on it as soon as he could, frantic to get more cock in his throat, to get more of the wet salty flavour in his tongue. It was like something had swept through his body and possessed him, the desperate need seeming to come out of nowhere. The smell of pheromones was so strong between the alpha's legs that Bucky could taste it when he breathed.
"Fuck," the alpha hissed, stroking a hand carefully through Bucky's sweat-damp hair. "You needed it huh?"
Bucky nodded sharply, loving how his jaw ached. He did his best, trying to keep his lips over his teeth and his throat lax, and settled into a kind of pleasant, mindless rhythm of bobbing his head and sucking and running his hands over the man's thighs. After a while, he tried stroking his fingers over the alpha's balls.
"More," the alpha said.
So Bucky started rolling the sac carefully in his hand, feeling how it was drawn up tight against the man's body.
"Use your mouth on my balls."
Bucky released the guy's cock and started mouthing over the sac, feeling the veins and the thin skin. Here the pheromones were strong enough that Bucky felt drugged.
"Lick my hole."
The guy turned around and pulled his ass cheeks apart and Bucky did it. He licked right over the tight ring, felt it twitch, and did it again and again until his mouth and chin were wet with spit and his tongue hurt.
"Still want my knot?" The guy asked.
"Please."
The alpha pulled away and turned back round and Bucky opened his mouth. The man grunted and gripped Bucky's hair to pull him right down onto his dick so Bucky's lips were against the base. Bucky did his best to swallow and hold on and then the alpha's dick started to swell behind Bucky's teeth, the knot filling his mouth until Bucky was forced to open his jaw as wide as it would go just to hold it there.
The first rush of the alpha's cum was like a torrent, pouring down his throat and out between his lips, but it settled into a steady flow eventually. Bucky barely felt himself cum, too focused on how good it felt to be knotted.
Eventually the alpha's knot went down and he pulled out and Bucky staggered home with no idea how to explain any of it to Steve. He felt strange all over, like he might have a fever.
When Bucky came through the door, one hand holding his aching jaw and feeling light-headed and embarrassed, Steve was awake. He was sitting on their couch, making careful marks on his sketch pad.
Bucky felt like he'd sullied Steve just by looking at him. Steve was perfect and good and clean while Bucky could still taste some stranger's spunk in his mouth. Part of him wanted to get down on his knees and scrub Steve's feet like Mary Magdalene.
"I'm sorry," Bucky said. Pain lanced through his jaw as he spoke.
"You don't need to be sorry, Buck," Steve told him.
"But I-"
"You don't need to be sorry. It's okay."
Bucky almost wanted to cry. "I like alphas," he said, thinking Steve maybe didn't understand what had happened.
"Hey," Steve got up and came over and wrapped his arms around Bucky and Bucky lowered his head to breathe in Steve's scent. "I don't know where you got the idea I'd judge you for what you like," Steve told him.
Cold weather always made Steve worse. By the time November came Bucky had spent a month and a half of watching Steve walk around as stiff as a constipated turtle, wincing and hissing with the pain, it was time for something more underhanded.
The reefer had been hard enough to get hold of, and cost Bucky more than a day's wages, but it was for Steve so he managed it.
Next he rolled himself a careful joint and made sure to start smoking it just before Steve got home. He'd barely made it through a single inhalation when Steve came in and he made sure to take the next hit slow and emphatic, filling his lungs and sprawling lazily over their ratty couch.
He could feel Steve's scowl, probably could have felt it from outer space, but that was okay.
"I told you not to smoke that stuff in the house," Steve said, hanging up his jacket and rolling up his sleeves.
Steve never dressed like the omegas Bucky saw on television. Those omegas wore bright colours and bangles and make up, sometimes skirts or dresses, but Steve never did. Always the gentleman in his slacks and suspenders and starched white shirts, his tie just so.
"I can't exactly smoke it outside," Bucky said, taking another drag that filled his lungs right up with warm smoke. He felt perfect.
"You'll stink up the place and get us both in trouble," Steve scolded. He was working the knot of his tie loose, showing the narrow v of his throat.
For a long time, Bucky hadn't noticed how Steve was different - none of Steve's clothing was totally out of the picture for an omega to wear. It was only that it was unusual not to wear anything else, not to mix things up and make changes.
Bucky had only seen Steve in a dress once, when Bucky was coming back from the grocer on a Sunday and spotted Steve leaving church. Steve had run into Bucky heaps of times after temple on Saturday, but had never seen Steve after church. The dress was pink and had lace and Steve was picking at it, fretting at the collar and sleeves and squirming as if the dress were alive with fleas. Bucky's first thought had been to say hello, but he'd changed his mind and ducked out of sight. Steve had looked so uncomfortable, so unlike himself, that Bucky felt bad for seeing him that way.
There were other things too. The way Steve carried himself - walking from the shoulders keeping his head held high and challenging - meeting every alpha or beta in the eyes and refusing to back down or submit. And so sometimes Bucky thought, very quietly to himself, that Steve might not be an omega at all.
Offering the joint to Steve would never work, so Bucky worked at making it look good. He took a long drag and held it for as long as possible before he closed his eyes and exhaled, feeling himself relax into the cushions. When he opened his eyes, Steve was staring at him.
Bucky brought the joint back to his lips but Steve snatched it out before he could inhale. Bucky fought back a smile.
Steve pushed at Bucky's arm until he sat up and let Steve take his customary place on the couch.
Soon enough they were sprawled all over each other and the reefer was gone and Steve was moving more like himself than like a ninety-year-old. It was the only time the topic of Steve's virginity was safe to bring up.
"So you mean you've never?"
"I never- I never wanted to. Buck, I don't think I ever want to."
"But you like Alphas?"
"Not like I'm supposed to."
"And how's that?"
"Well I'm supposed to want a knot." Steve's face turned scarlet and he coughed.
"And you don't?"
"No."
"Not even in heat?"
"I had to-" Steve cut himself off, then muttered something incomprehensible, then coughed again.
"Can you repeat that for the class?"
"I tried the um. The fake knots. I hate them."
"Well if you don't want a knot then what do you want?"
Steve said nothing. And then Bucky heard himself make a noise like a startled cat and blushed all the way to the tips of his ears.
"You-" Bucky started, and then clammed up. He knew he was staring at Steve as if he'd grown a second head. Steve punched him in the arm.
"Why are you so shocked? I know you slept with alphas before."
"I'm not shocked I'm just-" Bucky swallowed thickly. "I'd never thought about an omega wanting to… do that." Jesus.
"Well neither had I before I realised I wanted to."
"But you do."
"Do what?"
"You do want to… uh… be the pitcher."
"Yeah," Steve wasn't looking at Bucky when he said it.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Steve's voice had a hysterical edge.
"Yeah I mean, it's okay if you want to do that. Plenty of alphas like it."
"Yes but they don't want an omega to do it," Steve was insistent.
"Why not?"
"Would you let an omega fuck you?"
Yes! Bucky’s mind almost screamed. He reigned it in. "It would depend on the omega, I guess."
Steve gave him a look Bucky couldn't read for a second before he realised it was the look Steve got on his face when he was about to do something stupid.
"What about me?" Steve asked.
"What about you?"
"What if it was me that wanted you, would you say yes then?"
"Stevie," Bucky was helpless, pierced right through like a butterfly in a case.
And Steve must have read the truth in his voice, or maybe he was just that brave, because he reached out and grabbed Bucky’s shirt and pulled him down. Bucky let himself be reeled in and tilted his face down to be kissed, hoping he wouldn't get a black eye instead.
There was a moment when everything hung in the air. And then Steve's mouth was on his and Bucky made an involuntary and embarrassing noise and Steve's hand was on his cheek, stroking lightly over it.
The kiss grew more intense but less coordinated. Their teeth clicked, they bit each other's lips, their hands were everywhere, clinging desperately.
Bucky was shaking, he realised, and Steve was soothing him between kisses running his warm hands through Bucky's hair and down his back.
Steve led them to their room and onto Steve's bed, and pushed Bucky down flat against the mattress under him. Bucky would have gone anywhere Steve put him in that moment, but was especially glad to be in Steve's bed, where his perfect familiar scent was on everything.
Steve got him out of his clothes, undoing shirt buttons and then tugging down Bucky's pants and underwear while Bucky lifted his hips. Steve kept running his hands over Bucky's skin in smooth, firm touches that made everything feel safe and good and necessary.
Bucky was under him, thighs spread wide enough that Steve could probably see his hole and his cock. His knot was already starting to swell. Steve got his hands on either side of Bucky's ass and pulled, stretching him open. Bucky's hips twitched.
"I'm gonna fuck you here," Steve told him, stroking over the rim of Bucky's hole with his thumb. "I'm gonna get you wet and stick it in you and you're gonna beg me to do it."
Bucky heard himself made a soft, shocked noise and Steve stopped what he was doing just so they could kiss some more. Bucky got his hands in Steve's hair and pulled it tight, kissing Steve frantically, shaking.
When they eventually broke apart, Bucky picked up the Vaseline from where it had rolled onto the floor, putting it in Steve's hand without quite meeting his eyes. Bucky was blushing so fiercely he must have looked like he had sunburn, but thankfully Steve didn't offer to stop.
Instead, Steve spread the clear jelly in thick, sticky globs over his fingers and watched Bucky get back onto his knees on the bed.
As soon as Steve touched him Bucky's whole body turned tense and tight. But he let it happen anyway, let Steve prise open his ass with skinny fingers and get it wet and slick. Steve kept going, working more and more vaseline in until Bucky couldn't hold it all and the warm jelly started leaking out like slick from an omega.
"Jesus you look perfect like that," Steve praised him. "You're so good, all slick and aching for me to give it to you, with your hole all wet like a pussy."
Bucky could hear himself panting and making helpless noises as Steve's fingers kept pressing and stretching and until the rim was sore and hot to the touch. Steve didn't stop until Bucky's hole gaped open without anything in it and by then Bucky was a mess, leaking from his dick and his ass and clawing at the bedsheets.
Steve climbed up and shoved the head of his prick against Bucky's rim and Bucky hissed his name.
"Good boy," Steve stroked a hand through Bucky's hair. "Ask me for it."
"Steve," Bucky growled.
"You're a big strong alpha," Steve said, rubbing his cock over Bucky's slick hole. "You can tell me what you want."
"Steve I can't-"
"You can," Steve laid a feather-light kiss on Bucky's back. "Ask me. Tell me to put it in your pussy."
Bucky trembled and Steve pushed in a little harder, so the head of his prick was almost all the way inside, and held it there.
"Please!" Bucky felt the word being dragged out of him.
"Please what?" Steve pulled back out and rubbed the wet tip of his prick over Bucky's crack until it just touched against Bucky's balls before dragging it slowly back up to his hole.
"Ah!" Bucky stuck his face in the pillow to muffle it. "Fuck, Stevie, stick it in me. Jesus Christ, please, just put it in."
"Where?" Steve pulled away until the two of them were barely touching. "You want it in your mouth?"
Bucky made a humiliating noise and reached back with one hand to grab Steve's hip.
"Stevie, Stevie, you have to," he panted. "You have to put it in my- you have to-" he was almost crying.
"Say it."
"My pussy," Bucky took a deep breath, "put it in my pussy."
Steve pushed all the way into Bucky with a single thrust, sharp and hard. Bucky was silent for a second before he let out a long, shuddering, breath. He felt all the tension leave his body as he sank into the bed.
For a moment, he was too overwhelmed to realise what had happened. The knowledge hit all at once.
"You came," Steve said.
Bucky nodded.
"Holy shit," Steve wriggled a hand between Bucky and the mattress and wrapped it around Bucky's cock. Bucky hissed and jumped as Steve rubbed a thumb over the head of it, still fucking into Bucky's ass. It was almost too much, so intense that Bucky couldn't quite tell if he liked it but couldn't bear the thought it might stop.
Steve slowed his thrusts but kept rolling his hips and rubbing Bucky's dick, ignoring the stiff and swollen knot at the base. With every stroke, Bucky felt himself shiver and more cum would bubble out of his slit.
Steve leaned backwards, pulling Bucky with him so he could peer round and get a look. Bucky stared down at his dick, which was flushed pink and leaking cloudy drops of cum all over Steve's fingers.
"Look at your pretty knot," Steve said, reaching further down to wrap his hand around it. "You don't need to put it in anyone, you'll come just from being fucked."
Bucky made a desperate noise and his knot twitched in Steve's hand, pushing out another load of cum, but he shook his head.
"From you," Bucky said, "from you inside me."
Steve kissed Bucky’s shoulder, pressing his face against the skin for a moment and just holding it there.
"How does it feel? Does it feel good?" Steve asked, squeezing Buck's knot.
"Stevie!" Bucky was shaking uncontrollably, trying to work himself back against Steve's cock. "Stevie please!"
"Anything you want, Buck, you only have to ask."
"Please cum, I need it inside. I need it."
Steve's whole body shivered and he squeezed Bucky's knot a little harder in his hand.
"Of course, of course I'll fill you up. I'm not gonna leave you empty, I promise,"
Steve started fucking Bucky in earnest, his dick making obscene noises as Bucky's hole took him in. Bucky was so stretched out from Steve's fingers that he opened up easily for it.
"Want me to plug your pussy up after?" Steve asked, thrusting a little harder, "get something inside you to hold it in?"
"Please," Bucky's voice was ragged. "Jesus Stevie, please knot me."
Where had those words come from?
Bucky had never let himself think about it, what it would be like if Steve had a knot of his own to push inside. It was like all Bucky's fantasies were twisted up around this thing and Steve had dragged it out without trying.
Steve made a growling noise - nothing like an omega was supposed to make - and Bucky tightened around him and Steve came in shuddering, wheezing breaths. Steve kept going till he got soft, then reached into the bedside cabinet drawer and pulled out a knotting plug. Bucky felt his gaped-open rim stretch wide around it.
It took them a long time to come down from what had happened, the two of them wrapped around each other and trading soft, reverent kisses. Steve kept reaching between Bucky's thighs to grip the base of the plug and tug a little, testing the knot.
Eventually, Steve pulled on the plug and it came out easily but Bucky couldn't settle down until Steve slid his fingers back in where the plug had been.
"Jesus," Steve said, turning to Bucky with wide eyes.
"Yeah," Bucky doubted he looked any different. He felt light-headed. He'd been helplessly in love with Steve for so long that it had become a constant ache in him, a sweet kind of pain. And now that pain was gone, with only the sweetness left behind.
They were lying together, running their fingers over each other's skin with occasional quick, closed-mouth kisses.
"I think I might be an alpha," Steve said. Compelled, as always, to say the hard thing.
He slid his fingers out of Bucky and then seemed to have no idea where to put them.
Bucky met Steve's eyes and cupped the side of his face, thumb stroking over Steve's cheek.
"Yeah?" Bucky asked, knowing he had to be careful.
"I don't know. I don't think I know yet. But I might be. Inside I mean, in my head."
"It's okay if you are," Bucky said. And then, feeling braver after Steve's confession, "I love you no matter what."
Steve grinned and kissed him on the nose.