Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Man, the people you hook up with must be intimidated by your apartment’s decor.”

Yoongi glanced up at Hoseok’s words. He’d been the first to finish his individual shots today. He’d stayed behind on set hoping that someone would accept his invitation to grab some food before heading back to the office. Seokjin, Jimin, and Jungkook had all declined in succession as they’d left the location. He understood, they were as busy as he was.

Both Hoseok and Taehyung had lagged a bit behind, watching the final shoot of the day. So, Yoongi had been hopeful that at least one would accept the invitation; maybe Namjoon even, once he’d be out of his wardrobe.

He’d been delayed in asking though, as Taehyung had excitedly pulled out his phone to show the new headboard he’d installed for his bed in his private apartment. Yoongi had politely looked, but then had pulled out his current book of the moment to wait for the conversation to naturally settle between the other three.

He listened with interest as Taehyung’s words came to a stop after Hoseok’s remark. It was a brief stop, an unnoticeable lull in conversation to both Namjoon and Hoseok as Taehyung took the necessary time to recover.

Hoseok still had Taehyung’s phone in hand, swiping through the pictures of the newest customization. Namjoon was hanging up the jacket he’d had to to wear for the shoot. Yoongi didn’t blame them for failing to notice Taehyung’s discomfort. He didn’t blame them for speaking so casually either, after all it was only the four of them in the room.

“I don’t know. No one’s said anything yet.”

Taehyung’s reply was nearly chirped. It didn’t really hide Taehyung’s discomfort from Yoongi’s attentive gaze.

On a cerebral level, Yoongi saw how Hoseok’s wording could have been a comfort to Taehyung. It would be in the same way that Yoongi had felt more at ease as a young teenager when a family relative had told him “you’ll find the right person for you” instead of referring to the “right girl”. There wasn’t any judgement hanging in Hoseok’s question, no further implicit question about what it was that Taehyung liked. By now, none of them expected Taehyung to speak about his sexuality. Though Yoongi had always noticed the way Taehyung sat up straight, or looked away from the screen, whenever queer themes were mentioned or portrayed in media.

It had eventually developed into Taehyung somewhat confidently recommending queer artists and queer storylines in film to them as well as fans. Nevertheless, Taehyung never spoke about himself, or of conquests or romantic feelings.

However, Yoongi was attuned to noticing these things: every assumption and implicit message slipped into the other members’ speech patterns — the expectation that Taehyung was as sexually active as they were. He obviously noticed, because the same assumptions aimed at him grated his nerves. Unsettled him in the opposite way that referring to people rather than women as potential partners made him feel seen.

Nothing more came from Hoseok’s remark. Just as nothing came of the usual comments on Taehyung’s supposed sexual prowess or charm, or any suggestive questions about his nights off. Yet, Taehyung’s shoulders looked tense as everyone readied their things and prepared to head out. Yoongi nearly forgot his plan to grab a meal with a member, until Taehyung paused by the doorway and called for him.

“Suga-hyung, should we wait for you to finish your page or chapter?”

Yoongi slid his bookmark into the novel.

“All good, but Taehyung could you stay behind? I’ve just got a question about the backing vocals you recorded earlier this week.”

He didn’t, actually. He wasn’t sure if Taehyung had recorded anything like that recently. Nonetheless, Taehyung stayed behind whilst Namjoon and Hoseok headed out with short goodbyes.

“Is something wrong?” Taehyung asked as he settled in a chair close to Yoongi’s.

He wasn’t sure if Taehyung meant in general or if he was referring to the alleged vocal work. Regardless, it was probably best to come right out with it.

“You don’t have to pretend that you’re hooking up if you’re not. If that’s what you want others to think, then so be it. But, if you’re embarrassed… Just know there isn’t anything to be embarrassed about.”

He wasn’t sure if he’d actually expected Taehyung to become more relaxed at the offering, but instead Taehyung’s shoulders inched further up.

“So, there’s no problem with my recording?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Why did you… say that stuff?”

“Because I mean it?” Yoongi tilted his head, trying to see in Taehyung’s expression why it was that he had sounded disgusted by Yoongi’s words. “I can see that you feel uncomfortable when you have to answer stuff like that. You don’t have to go along with it at the price of your own comfort.”

Taehyung pursed his lips, didn’t quite look at Yoongi as he asked, “Yeah, but why can’t I just be uncomfortable talking about it? Why do you think I don’t… hook up?”

The last words were spoken at a lower register. Yoongi resisted the urge to say that Taehyung’s hesitation to even mention the words “hook up” were a strong enough tip to know that he wasn’t partaking in casual sexual activities.

Instead, he chose to level with him.

“You know how we get that monthly email reminder about relationship NDAs? From human resources?”

“So what?”

Taehyung’s voice had gone a bit more combative. Yoongi wondered if he could feel himself being cornered, without yet quite knowing where Yoongi was going with this.

“Well, nothing. But… Have you looked at the recipients? It’s only ever you, me, and our personal managers.” He kept his eyes on Taehyung, though Taehyung was now very resolutely and very clearly looking away. “That’s because you and I never hand any agreements in. My guess is they think we forget to get them signed, or just don’t bother with them. Though maybe they’re afraid one or both of us are dating people and they’re trying to reassure themselves that it’s not about to blow up in their faces.”

Taehyung’s eyes had drifted back to Yoongi. He looked wary.

“Maybe I don’t bother to fill them out or maybe I’m in a serious relationship,” Taehyung repeated Yoongi’s working theories, as if to add a layer of bricks to the wall he seemed determined to put between them for their brief exchange.

Yoongi reached out to pat the back of Taehyung’s hand. Thankfully, Taehyung didn’t pull his hand away.

“Well, I’m not having any sex. And it makes me pretty uncomfortable when people imply that I am. I just thought you might feel the same way.”

Taehyung’s eyes shot up, but only a moment of contact was enough for him to look away again. He didn’t feel anxious that he’d revealed as much to Taehyung, it only seemed fair if he was making the same claims about Taehyung himself.

“I won’t imply stuff like that about you, hyung,” Taehyung offered somewhat gently.

Yoongi stood up at that, ruffling Taehyung’s hair until he looked up at him.

“You haven’t, Taehyung. You notice that sort of stuff already.”

Taehyung made no move to stand up himself, but also didn’t seem open to entertaining the conversation in any meaningful way. That was alright in Yoongi’s eyes. In reality, none of it was any of his business. He’d said what he’d wanted; just to mention to Taehyung that he didn’t have to go along with comments that didn’t sit well with him.

All Taehyung found to say was a weak, “Sorry.”

There were a number of things the “sorry” could have stood for, but Yoongi chose not to analyze it too closely.

“Want to go grab some jeongol together before we head to the office?”

As they left the location, Yoongi still wasn’t sure if his talk had had any kind of positive effect. At least, he’d gotten what he’d wanted — someone to share a meal with before getting back to business.

If Taehyung didn’t want to say anything, maybe Yoongi could just mention it in passing to the members: that he would like it if they could stop assuming anything about — including the existence of — his sex life. If Taehyung didn’t want that specifically, then it would at least be for his own sake.

Since Monday, Taehyung had asked him daily whether or not he would be staying at the dorms that night.

There hadn’t been any real reason for Yoongi to stay at the dorms this week. All things considered, it was a slow week with no public events for them to attend, no tight schedules or necessary travels. He’d been under the impression that everyone else was staying at their own places, too; fully enjoying the slower pace of things by lounging at home as much as they could afford.

However, on the fourth day Taehyung asked, Yoongi had to admit that Taehyung must have been hoping that he would decide to stay in the dorms despite his initial plans for the week.

So, on the Thursday, Yoongi finally answered with, “Actually, yeah, I am.”

Taehyung’s eyes had lit up.

“Oh, that’s awesome. I am, too!”

He’d said it as if Yoongi hadn’t been supposed to have come to that conclusion already.

Thus, here he was now. Like everyone else, he had enough belongings that he never needed to pack an overnight bag whether he was staying by himself or at the dorms. Both places were fully equipped to accommodate him, no matter sudden changes of plans. Still, he had left the studio early today. He could keep working in his room. If Taehyung wanted to speak to him privately, which he suspected was the case, then it was best for Yoongi to make himself available.

He had indeed worked in his room, for several hours too. He was sure he’d heard Taehyung a number of times around the apartment, but the other hadn’t sought him out yet. Even though Yoongi had left his door wide open throughout the evening.

Now, he was sitting crosslegged over his bed, debating whether or not he should go see Taehyung to let him know he was free to talk. On the one hand, maybe Taehyung was waiting for the invitation to open up to him. On the other hand, maybe Taehyung just needed to go at his own pace. If he could only work up the courage to talk at a later date, Yoongi was more than happy to wait.

Amidst his internal debate, Taehyung finally dropped by his room. Appearing in the doorframe, it was immediately clear that Taehyung wasn’t as ready to head to bed as Yoongi was. Even his outfit made it seem as if he’d just come back home, though Yoongi knew he had been around for hours already.

Yoongi waved him in. He scooted backwards to let Taehyung take a seat over the faux fur blanket folded at the foot of the bed. Taehyung held a particular fondness for the blanket, often sneaking it out of Yoongi’s room whenever members got together to watch something in the living room. Yoongi, without fail, would find Taehyung asleep and wrapped up in the blanket by the end of those kinds of nights.

Taehyung’s word of greeting was almost soundless, prompting Yoongi to make the first move.

“Hey. Did you want to talk? I’ll talk about whatever.”

Yoongi noticed the way Taehyung’s hands curled over the fur of the blanket and wordlessly handed one of his throw pillows to him. In a move that felt so much like Taehyung that it almost hurt, Taehyung wrapped his upper body over the pillow and finally spoke up.

“Are you saving yourself for marriage?”

Yoongi hadn’t been prepared for that question. Belatedly, he realized the talk would be related to what had happened last week, when Yoongi had stepped in to let Taehyung know that he knew he wasn’t meeting anyone for sex, and that he didn’t need to pretend that he was.

“Pardon me?”

Taehyung had that faraway look in his eyes, as if he’d been ready to keep speaking, regardless of what answer Yoongi would have given him.

“Because that’s what I was doing, I think. It’s definitely what my family taught me. When I went to relatives’ weddings when I was a kid, there’d always be so many speeches about staying pure and stuff like that.” Taehyung pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, expression contemplative as he continued. “Not that I felt forced to. It seemed nice to me. Marrying my true love one day and being able to share parts of ourselves we hadn’t until then. It sounds kind of romantic, no?”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Yoongi conceded.

It definitely corresponded to that romantic part of Taehyung that wasn’t lost on them. He liked films, stories, and songs about love; unashamedly and guiltlessly so. He often had his family on his mind, too. Had that been something important to his parents, Yoongi wasn’t surprised that Taehyung had subscribed to it, too.

“Right, but… Really, I.” Taehyung started pulling at the corners of the pillow, a deep frown settling over his features. “I kind of stopped believing I could even get married. For a time I thought maybe I should anyway. At least I could have children. But, then I thought maybe it wasn’t even smart to have kids. People find out everything about us. I don’t want a kid growing up so… observed, because of me.”

“Celebrities have children all the time,” Yoongi tried to encourage him, but Taehyung was quick to shake his head.

“Even so, I thought about it more and I don’t think I’d really be ok living a lie for the rest of my life.”

He fell silent then, looking up at Yoongi with a serious expression, as if urging him to read between the lines. Yoongi was already there.

“Even if it wouldn’t be legally recognized… You could still marry your true love, Tae. We’d all support you, and we’d all be there.”

Taehyung shrugged, the curve of his shoulders telling of his growing dejection.

“Maybe. Just, by now, I kind of feel like… Like, if someone like me isn’t supposed to get married, then other people like me definitely haven’t been waiting. And now I’m just getting so old, and I haven’t done anything, and I’ll be the only one. And it kind of freaks me out when I think about it.”

“In life, you’re never the only one. Besides, I’m older than you.”

“So… are you waiting to get married?” Taehyung repeated the question a second time.

Yoongi crossed his arms loosely. If Taehyung could afford to open up to him, albeit without explicitly doing so and only in half-sentences, then he could probably stand to do the same in return.

“Nope.” He waited a moment, watching the way Taehyung tilted his head, curiosity plain on his features. “I find the idea of actually having sex a little repulsive.”

Taehyung went a little slacked-jaw at that, something resembling “Huh?” tumbling out from his lips. Yoongi scrunched up his face, but eventually laughed good-naturedly at Taehyung’s reaction.

“Just like, the thought of having someone’s body fluids touch me. Even just have someone’s sweaty body against me for, what, pleasure? Even putting my face that close to someone else’s. It just makes me feel weird and kind of grossed out.”

“What, really?”

Taehyung’s face wrinkled with his current expression, something like confusion. Yoongi sighed softly, not really sure how to present this to someone who’d just come out to him without ever using the word “gay”.

“Yeah, really. Conceptually, I’d want to. But, unless I’m really close to someone, I don’t realistically want to be that close to their body.” He thought on that for a moment, reviewed the only persons that were really close to him aside from his family. “Because of who we are, it’s a little hard for me to have a lot of friends. There isn’t really anyone I’m close to that I have the kind of relationship with where we’d be sexually intimate.”

“I didn’t know it was like that for you…” Taehyung’s face had relaxed now, though he was squeezing the pillow in his arms more forcefully. “Thanks. For telling me and for like showing me I’m not alone.”

“Don’t forget, feeling alone is the most common feeling in this world.” He smiled at Taehyung, who’d raised his eyes as if trying to detangle the words to make complete sense of them. “Also, I’m glad you were comfortable enough to tell me all of that.”

Taehyung quieted down for a moment. Then, spoke with a softer voice than before.

“Well, last week you told me there was nothing to be embarrassed about. So, I listened.”

Yoongi wasn’t surprised when Taehyung left his room with both the faux fur blanket and throw pillow in arm.

Yoongi felt bone-tired. Rehearsal had been brutal and unforeseeably long. It was one of those days where Sungdeuk had restarted the number wordlessly whenever one of them had stepped out of line. With seven of them, it was always hard to survive those sorts of exercises. And when they had, he’d made them rehearse the number twice in a row, without time to rest.

He’d thought he would be out of the dance studio by sunfall, and locked down in his own studio for the rest of the night promptly thereafter. By the time they’d been released however, night had truly fallen upon them already. He felt sore, too sore to think of doing anything more tonight without first sinking into a hot bath.

And so, he’d spent their mandated stretching time at the close of rehearsal on his back. Other members were visibly tired, enough so that no one had bothered to point out his lack of active stretching. Now, he had both knees crossed, hands wrapped around his calves to bring his thighs closer to his chest. He’d held the pose much longer than needed, and his lower back had already lost its tension a few minutes ago.

He heard a footfall approaching him. He’d wondered if maybe he was the last one left, but didn’t startle at the sound. He brought his feet up and then tried to stretch his legs towards the floor in a side split position. Whenever Jimin tried this, his toes would just hit the floor without much difficulty. Yoongi was not anywhere even close to that. But, it felt good to rotate his legs in the position, hearing his hips give an occasional popping sound.

The member who’d approached him cleared his throat. Without craning his neck to spot him, Yoongi recognized the sound as Taehyung’s.

“Yeah?” he asked, not particularly focused on anything.

“Do you want to have sex?”

Yoongi frowned at the fluorescent lights above him. He pushed down on his thighs, but to no avail — his feet weren’t moving any closer to the floor. He hadn’t thought that Taehyung still had that talk on his mind. It must have been two or three weeks ago already. He also thought he had been pretty clear in explaining himself, he hadn’t expected Taehyung to express confusion so plainly.

“If I didn’t explain well enough, you know you can look it up, right? It’s called demisexuality.”

He was surprised to hear a frustrated huff from Taehyung.

“I know that. That’s not what I’m saying.” Taehyung plopped down next to Yoongi. He had his water bottle in hand, gym bag over his shoulder, clearly ready to head out. “I’m asking if you want to have sex with me.”

Yoongi’s eyes darted back up to the ceiling. His current stretching position suddenly felt immensely stupid. He brought his legs back together faster than comfortable or appropriate when cooling down from rehearsal. He brought his knees close to his chest and only then dared to look at Taehyung again.

The other sat, head held high and posture proud, but the colour was high on his cheeks and he wasn’t looking straight at Yoongi.

“Are you asking out of curiosity or are you propositioning me?”

Taehyung was still.

“The second.”

“Because you want to experience it?”

Taehyung rubbed his inner wrist against his cheekbone, as if he could feel that his face had grown heated.

“Kind of. I’d like to know what it’s like. You already know how I feel about it all, plus… Well, we’re kind of the same. So I feel like you’d understand perfectly if I was hesitant about some things or not particularly good at it, or, you know.”

Yoongi sat up, pulling the hood of his hoodie down — he’d lifted it up when stretching had begun to keep his hair from touching the studio floor.

“No matter their experience, you better only be with people who you think will be understanding of what you want in bed, alright?” Taehyung nodded, looking just as nervous, but slightly more repentant now. “But, yeah. I’d be understanding, too.”

Taehyung seemed to gain more energy at the opening implied by Yoongi’s lack of rejection.

“I promise I’ll work so hard to make it the sort of sex you’d like, too.”

He laughed at that, completely unsure what it was that Taehyung was trying to communicate.

“What are you talking about? What does that mean?”

“Like, minimal body fluids,” Taehyung asserted, completely serious. “I won’t sweat at all, I’ll boost the air conditioning. And if we do it like… from behind… then my face doesn’t even need to be close to yours.”

Yoongi’s laughter grew in intensity with each word spoken, and especially with Taehyung’s harsh whisper of “from behind”.

“What are you talking about? How many times have we had to touch each other’s sweaty bodies for choreography?” Taehyung opened his mouth, but Yoongi put his hand up to continue. “How many times have we been so close that I can’t even tell whose breath is whose? Especially when we’re travelling under a stage.”

He’d just been about to remind Taehyung that he had even used to bite the other members playfully when he’d been young, resulting in Yoongi’s arm being covered with Taehyung’s saliva, when the other cut in, looking even more flustered than before.

“Maybe so! But those things aren’t sexy for you. You said so the other day!”

He looked almost affronted that Yoongi hadn’t immediately gone along with his logic. Yoongi scooted in closer, and was relieved to find Taehyung relaxing when he wrapped an arm around his waist.

“What I said was that the thought of having sex wasn’t sexy, unless it’s with someone I am truly close to. Sweat and proximity will inevitably happen if we do it, Taehyung.”

“Well, what if you don’t actually like it, even though we’re close?”

Yoongi hummed, considering.

“It’s the same way you know you want to be with men, not women. I know I want to be with someone I’m closely connected to. And if either of us are wrong, we can stop at any time. That’s how it works.”

Taehyung nodded, but stayed silent for a long moment, as if carefully evaluating each word that Yoongi had used. During that time, Yoongi started to pack up as well, eventually coming back to offer his hand and helping Taehyung up to his feet.

“So, to be clear, you’ll have sex with me?”

For the first time in this conversation, Yoongi truly felt himself flush, too. He’d never actually given a serious thought to this scenario, let alone it actually happening — being sexually intimate with Taehyung. When he put his mind to it now, it didn’t feel anything like disgusting. Maybe it felt a little thrilling instead.

“Yeah, we can give it a try. We both feel comfortable with each other. I don’t think a lot of people get that luxury for their first time.”

Taehyung audibly breathed out a heavy sigh of relief, which prompted Yoongi to start laughing again.

“How long have you been working up the courage to ask me that anyway?”

Taehyung turned pitiful eyes towards Yoongi before hurrying out of the studio; as if their departure from the closed space was code to not breathe a word more of the subject.

Still, Taehyung said one last word of it under his breath.

“Please don’t ask me again, the answer is much too embarrassing.”

Taehyung ended up spending the night at Yoongi’s apartment only a couple of nights later. They hadn’t really talked out the details ahead of time, only agreeing that they could spend the evening together.

Certainly, Yoongi hadn’t expected that Taehyung would want to have penetrative sex on that very night. They didn’t know each other — or anyone else for that matter — sexually yet. Aside from telling each other they were willing to have their first time together that one late night in the studio, they hadn’t spoken of anything else of that nature together again. Plus, they had an early start on the following day, followed by an extremely packed schedule.

Yet, Taehyung had marched into his bedroom and had emptied the contents of his canvas bag to reveal an impressive range of sex items.

“I got tons of different condoms because… I don’t know, measuring myself to check with charts online was too embarrassing. And it felt worse trying to visualize… yours… to get the right fit.”

“Huh,” Yoongi picked up one of the boxes within his reach. He had a box in one of his bathroom cabinets — he wasn’t one to use sex toys without a condom — but it hadn’t crossed his mind to think it would be Taehyung’s first time purchasing condoms altogether. If only because Yoongi had never had a sexual partner, but still had these sorts of items at home.

“Lube was a nightmare. I thought you’d definitely want us to wear condoms, so I only got water and silicone-based really, but… There was still so much…”

Yoongi dropped the box back onto the pile, reaching out to rub the back of Taehyung’s neck comfortingly.

“Hey, relax. I do already own lube, you know?”

“Yeah, but… Online, it said that it’s different for anal than it is for, you know, solo stuff? I think it’ll be way better if we have gel type lube. So. Here.”

He gestured towards the vast array. Yoongi laughed fondly, still rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah, Tae. I both have lube to jerk off and lube for anal play.”

“But…”

Taehyung felt tenser under his fingers. He wondered if Taehyung was questioning Yoongi’s previous claims that he too was a virgin.

“I do own a dildo,” he admitted when Taehyung gave no signs of easing up.

“Oh… I wasn’t really sure how you’d want to do this, so I did shave… back there. I thought you’d probably want me to get an enema, too, but it kind of stressed me out too much. So, I didn’t. But yeah, whichever way you want to go, I’m good!”

Yoongi decided it was probably time to put Taehyung out of his stress-induced misery. He slid his hand down to wrap over Taehyung’s bicep and pull him into a side-hug.

“You’re very thoughtful and thorough. But, I wasn’t planning on having anal sex tonight.”

“Ah. Well, there’s dental dams, too,” Taehyung replied awkwardly, gesturing vaguely towards the bed.

“I wasn’t thinking there’d be any eating out either.”

Taehyung went a little rigid at that.

“To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what we were supposed to use them for, I just thought… It seemed to like be in the list of necessary items for clean and prepared sexual activity,” Taehyung confessed in a hushed tone. The same tone he used whenever he used words that were undeniably related to sex.

They made short work of packing the items back into Taehyung’s bag. Yoongi was genuinely impressed. It didn’t seem as if Taehyung had purchased all of that just for a single encounter. Feeling slightly bad for Taehyung’s embarrassed expression, Yoongi kept the bag leaning against his bedside table, not far out of reach.

Taehyung was the first to speak afterwards, both of them standing a little awkwardly by the bed.

“I’m sorry. That was way too forward, huh? I guess we said we’d try, but we didn’t like agree to tonight.”

“First of all, there’s no need to apologize. I suppose it’s good that we know we don’t mind who gives or receives if we try anal. And, I definitely see now that you’re invested in making sure we have safe and informed sex.”

Taehyung looked down. His embarrassment had clearly not yet ebbed away.

“I’m trying, but… I get kind of mortified reading the info online, and it’s a lot to take in. So, I don’t know if I’m doing a good job.”

“Good thing it’s the both of us, so we can take care of it together instead.” He took a hold of Taehyung’s hand and was relived to see him finally looking up with a smile. “Oh, and second. We agreed we’d try sex. It doesn’t have to be penetrative sex, alright? Whatever works and you’re into, that’s good enough for me, and should definitely be good enough for anyone else.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened. Again, he took a long moment to answer. Yoongi wasn’t quite sure if perhaps Taehyung disagreed with his view on what constituted sex, but eventually Taehyung simply nodded in understanding.

“Well, I’d like to try it, I think. I guess it doesn’t have to be tonight.”

“No,” Yoongi agreed. “I’d think it would have to come after a lot more conversation and exploring.” He saw Taehyung’s eyebrows furrow, as if he wanted to argue with that statement, but Yoongi brushed his thumb over the back of Taehyung’s hand until the other’s expression relaxed again. “Personally, I think we should just try kissing for tonight? Tomorrow’s kind of a big day to start trying out new physical stuff tonight.”

Yoongi couldn’t imagine either of them limping on set tomorrow because they’d decided to suddenly gain tons of sexual experience together.

They didn’t immediately go to kissing. In fact, the evening passed without them bringing the subject up again. They worked on dinner together, with Taehyung fetching items for Yoongi while he prepared the meal, as well as wiping the dishes clean to stock up the dishwasher at the end of the meal. Yoongi set Taehyung up in the master bathroom for his shower, explaining where products were placed and how to get the water to just the right temperature.

After they were both washed up, fatigue from the day at last settling fully over them, Yoongi waved Taehyung over to his bedroom. Though there were two guest suites, he had the feeling Taehyung wouldn’t mind sharing the large bed.

“Want to try kissing, and then we can go to sleep?”

He was close enough to sleep now that he could imagine them kissing to sleep instead, falling asleep with their mouths still close to one another.

“Yeah,” Taehyung agreed curtly. He slipped under the sheets as if he’d read Yoongi’s mind and was also ready to kiss with their heads heavy over the pillow. Seeing this, Yoongi switched the overhead lights off, leaving the dim glow of the two lamps surrounding his bed on. “I’ve kissed a guy before,” Taehyung declared abruptly.

He looked at Taehyung carefully at that. His face seemed dramatic with the shadows cast across it. His posture didn’t suggest that he was relaxed enough to fall asleep, as Yoongi had previously mistaken.

“You’ve kissed Hoseok,” Yoongi recalled.

Back then, Jimin had joked that it must have been Taehyung’s first kiss. Yoongi had lost sight of them at one point while stylists had taken back their hanboks and wiped their faces clean of the makeup for the broadcast. On the ride home, however, both had sat in the back with Yoongi. Taehyung’s eyes had looked a little red, and Jimin had looked something close to ill.

Yoongi had felt the same guilt spread within his chest at that time, the awareness that he’d pushed both Hoseok’s and Taehyung’s heads together for the kiss like a stab to the gut. How had he been supposed to know that Taehyung had never kissed anyone else before? Certainly, Taehyung hadn’t called the filming to a stop to make production aware of it. He’d been young and had obviously seen no way out of the “penalty”.

“I’ve kissed Hoseok,” Taehyung confirmed, but didn’t add to the list.

Yoongi couldn’t tell if Taehyung simply didn’t want to share more or if he wanted to reveal that he’d never kissed anyone off-camera. Yoongi, however, was prepared to show his cards, too.

“I haven’t kissed anyone since high school.”

It seemed to be a comfort to Taehyung, who smiled at Yoongi as he climbed onto the bed.

“Should we just lie down?”

So, Yoongi did. He lay down on his side, eyes on Taehyung, but mind frantic as he wondered whether they would actually kiss or not.

“Can we turn off the lights, too?” Taehyung asked in a lower voice.

They both rolled away from each other to do just that, and when he flipped back to look at Taehyung, they were completely in the dark.

He reached out a hand hesitantly, feeling in the dark for Taehyung’s face. His fingers brushed over Taehyung’s temple, and he securely cupped a hand over his cheek.

“Do you still want to?”

“What if I’m awful at it?”

Yoongi shook his head, feeling sudden fondness for Taehyung. It was as if he’d forgotten Yoongi’s confession from a moment ago.

“I probably won’t be very skilled either. Let’s just see how it feels. We can do whatever we want.”

Yoongi felt a little mystified as he felt Taehyung moving closer in the bed. He was only a hair’s breadth away when he stopped. Yoongi recognized the shyness, the hesitation, and thought it was especially endearing when juxtaposed to Taehyung’s expectation that they would have sex as soon as he had entered the bedroom earlier in the night.

Taehyung gave no indication that he would bridge the distance between them.

“Do you want me to kiss you, or should I wait for you?” Yoongi asked softly.

He felt it when Taehyung nodded his head. Another moment passed, and then Yoongi burst out laughing, Taehyung quickly joining in.

“Sorry,” Taehyung blurted out in between sounds of laughter. “Was that not a yes or no question? What did you ask again?”

Yoongi shook his head, moved just the tiniest bit closer. He felt nervous too, but he still felt a pull towards Taehyung. As if their kiss had already become an inevitability.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” he asked as kindly as possible.

Taehyung nodded again. They’d been in the dark long enough that Yoongi could tell the lines of Taehyung’s face, including the way his eyes had noticeably widened.

“I’m sure that’s what you asked first. That’s why I said yes.”

Yoongi pulled him in close, his other hand coming to rest over the curve of Taehyung’s waist, where it didn’t quite meet the mattress, and then he brought their lips together. Perhaps too softly, as it almost felt as if they hadn’t yet touched, until Taehyung pressed a loud and innocent kiss to the centre of Yoongi’s lips. He smiled into that kiss, touched by Taehyung’s bright eagerness. He wasn’t really sure if they were kissing with any skill, but Taehyung met every of his kisses with the same keenness. Yoongi’s chest felt absolutely warmer than usual. There was no icy nervousness left there.

He moved his hand over Taehyung’s cheek, his fingertips eventually touching his ear. Almost unconsciously, he moved to rub the back of Taehyung’s ear. He’d always liked Taehyung’s ears. Their shape and size adding this sort of boyish charm to an almost impossibly handsome face.

Taehyung backed away for a moment, his breath coming out harshly.

“Hyung, stop rubbing my ear. It’s weird,” he complained.

Yoongi paused his movement, but couldn’t help but to tighten his grip over Taehyung’s waist. He only realized that Taehyung had moved his own hands to his shoulders when he gripped back in response.

“Really?”

He watched as Taehyung pouted his lips in thought. They looked a little swollen; that detail had his stomach tightening.

“Not really,” Taehyung finally whispered. “You just always draw so much attention to them! I’m self-conscious!”

“But I love them,” Yoongi whined back at him, no doubt now also pouting his lips.

“Fine,” Taehyung breathed out, right before crashing their mouths together again. Yoongi momentarily forgot why they had stopped, until Taehyung breathed a few more words against his lips. “But only because it feels good.”

“Well, yeah.” He rubbed the tip of Taehyung’s ear with his thumb and forefinger. “It’s an erogenous zone. T’s supposed to feel good.”

His words felt a little slurred in his mouth now. He was a little more interested in making sure he remembered the feel of Taehyung’s lips than he was in keeping up with the conversation. However, Taehyung punched weakly at his right shoulder, his hand relaxing back against it only a second later.

“Hyung, I thought we were the same. But aren’t you actually a little bit of a pervert? You want to do weird ear stuff?” Yoongi could only answer that with a laugh, though he tried to bury it against Taehyung’s neck, and then that became a bit more interesting. How many kisses did he have to place to make it from Taehyung’s jaw to his clavicle? “And you even own a dildo!”

Taehyung’s offended tone was particularly loud in the quiet and dark room, and Yoongi found himself extremely endeared again.

“How long have you been keeping that in?” Taehyung let out an unimpressed sound and Yoongi smiled even wider against the line of his neck. He could tell that Taehyung had angled his head a little backwards, as if stretching his neck out for Yoongi. “I have a fleshlight too, you know.”

Taehyung’s hands left Yoongi’s shoulders then, and Yoongi really had to pull back to laugh at the sight Taehyung made. Taehyung had pulled his hands back to cover his ears, his face even feeling warm when Yoongi leaned his in closer.

“Hyung, don’t say stuff like that! Oh my god!”

Yoongi covered Taehyung’s hands with his own. Though he had no doubt that Taehyung could still hear him when he spoke.

“Don’t worry, Taehyung. Hyung will help you find out what you like, too.”

Tiredness was still pulling at his mind. He thought of closing his eyes, but once he had, everything felt out of his reach. Taehyung’s fingers twitched underneath his, but it was Taehyung’s jarringly confident kiss to his lips that roused him from falling asleep completely.

With sleep so close, he kissed back without any sense of nervousness or worry. The only thought his mind seemed to pick up on was that this was in fact Taehyung with him.

In the morning, Yoongi was surprised to find out that they had really fallen asleep in between kisses. He was even more pleasantly surprised to find that Taehyung wasn’t nervous or awkward with him. And, in fact, had requested another kiss right before they had left the apartment.

The following weeks flowed with many stolen kisses. They hadn’t had much free time, resulting in Taehyung’s visits to Yoongi’s apartment being scarce and occurring late into the night. However, it was as if Taehyung had been ready to ask for a kiss at every opportunity where they found themselves alone in a secluded area. No longer looking hesitant, regardless of the time of the day or of how many lights were turned on.

Yoongi found that he actually loved indulging him. He mused that even if they never ended up participating in any veritable sexual activity, Taehyung’s newfound interest in kissing was a net benefit. He’d never thought of the warm feeling that could envelop him at such a casual show of affection. Certainly, he hadn’t expected it to be so addictive.

Today, their rehearsals had come to an end shortly after lunch time. It had been unexpected, their stage performance team for their next appearance all agreeing that their recent hard work had made for an excellent rehearsal, and encouraging the group to take the rest of the Saturday off. Even Hoseok had looked supportive of the idea, complimenting a few members for their improvement — Yoongi included.

Yoongi had wanted to get to work on a few sample tracks that had been sitting in his inbox for entirely too long. He’d gotten as far as his studio door. Taehyung had nearly accosted him there, pouting and whining for Yoongi to invite him over. And then, he had significantly lowered his voice and had cupped his hands around his mouth so that only Yoongi could read the words on his lips.

“I want us to kiss with tongue.”

Feeling much too embarrassed with the suddenness of the request, Yoongi had frowned and groaned and had put up a fight for all of five minutes.

Now, here they were. Right in the middle of Yoongi’s mattress, with the sun still high in the sky and all of their afternoon of break stretching before them.

Taehyung had reverted to a shy state at first, anxious as he’d asked Yoongi again and again to say the word if it was unpleasant or too wet. Still, when Yoongi had touched his tongue to Taehyung’s, Taehyung had outright moaned. It was unusual, their kisses typically laced with excitement, giddiness, and soft laughter. Taehyung had reacted more sensually than ever before.

Taehyung had smoothed a hand over Yoongi’s chest, eventually settling to hold and at times pull at his collar. Yoongi had found himself leaning up onto his elbow, kissing Taehyung more insistently than he could have seen himself doing. Unlike their previous experiences, usually punctuated with teasing remarks and muted laughter, the bedroom filled only with the telltale sounds of their kissing.

The sounds of their lips meeting, sometimes their tongues, had a way of exciting Yoongi — who hadn’t often pictured himself to be in the sort of position to make those kinds of noises. When Taehyung had looped his arms around his neck, and had pulled Yoongi down to lie over him, that was when he started considering that Taehyung might have been as excited. Taehyung’s body shook with a full tremor when their bodies pressed together. Most noticeably, Taehyung’s very present erection was hard against Yoongi’s hip.

Yoongi rolled off to sit by Taehyung, legs thrown over his midriff. Taehyung genuinely whined when Yoongi pulled away from the kiss, eyes still closed and eyebrows drawn together.

Yoongi poked between Taehyung’s ribs, the exact place he knew was ticklish enough to make Taehyung both squirm and squeal — and inevitably made him open his eyes.

“What are you whining for? If you had it your way we’d probably make out until sunset.”

Taehyung turned his head to face away from Yoongi, immediately looking sulkier.

“They told us to enjoy the rest of the day. I was just trying to follow orders.”

“Sure you were,” Yoongi said, tone heavily teasing. He loomed over Taehyung until the other relinquished and turned back to meet Yoongi in a brief and chaste kiss. “Anyway, I was just stopping to ask if you were still interested in having sex.”

It looked as if it took a solid three seconds for the words to register with Taehyung, who ended up covering his face with his hands, accompanied by a distressed groan.

“What? Now? Does making out really get you that much in the mood?” Taehyung complained, avoiding answering the question entirely.

“I mean, it was actually pretty amazing. I didn’t expect it to be that good. But, I’d say you’re the one who got that much in the mood.”

He pointedly stared down at Taehyung’s crotch area. He was tempted to press his palm down against it, but definitely knew not to touch without Taehyung’s explicit consent. Consent he definitely didn’t think he was about to get, as Taehyung tried to curl away from him. A difficult task to accomplish with Yoongi’s legs resting heavily over his stomach.

“Why am I getting bullied?”

Taehyung’s tone became even more plaintive, much to Yoongi’s amusement. He tugged the curls of Taehyung’s hair gently, hoping to make the other break away from his sulky expression, but to no avail.

“I was just thinking…” He cut himself off, turning the words over in his mind. He’d had the thought a number of times when wondering how he could make sex with Taehyung as comfortable as possible. The thought was always fleeting, as it embarrassed Yoongi to a certain extent, but it was there nonetheless. Now, he was nervous to bring it up to Taehyung. “I was thinking maybe you could show me how you get off.”

Taehyung didn’t immediately act embarrassed. Rather, he looked curious as he twisted his body back to face Yoongi. It was only when Yoongi said nothing more that Taehyung’s face turned an impressive shade of red.

“You don’t mean…?”

Yoongi shrugged, finally retreating his legs to sit crosslegged. It wouldn’t do well to make Taehyung feel trapped in any way in that moment.

“We don’t have to. Just, you’re turned on, and I’d be into watching you taking care of it. Could help us feel more at ease when we first do stuff like that together. We can get used to each other in that kind of state. And we’ll already know what the other likes to do by themselves to get off.”

Taehyung stayed silent for a while, no longer looking sulky, but rather self-conscious.

“I don’t have like, a sex toy collection, you know?” Taehyung said uncertainly, voice soft.

Taehyung hadn’t failed to reference Yoongi’s in the past weeks, though Yoongi hadn’t actually shown him any of it or made any further references to it himself. Every time Taehyung had, it had been in a teasing and playful manner. Now, the words just made Yoongi think Taehyung must have been feeling inadequate, unconfident in showing Yoongi what he did by himself.

“Yeah, I kind of figured.” Yoongi tugged the lobe of Taehyung’s ear playfully, which earned him a pouting look. “No pressure, but I won’t judge. No matter how weird.” Seeing Taehyung’s expression still concerned, Yoongi added more in hopes of making him smile. “Ok, I might judge if you pull out some autofellatio. ‘Cause if that’s the case, you’ve really been utilizing none of your flexibility in the studio.”

He expected Taehyung’s slap to his chest, so he caught his hand easily and clutched it close, laughing until Taehyung was too. He leaned down and like clockwork Taehyung kissed him again, interlacing their fingers properly as he did so.

“You really do have a perverted mind,” Taehyung accused.

Yoongi took it in stride, sliding his hand away from Taehyung’s grip to squeeze his fingers gently.

“If we’re going to have sex, might as well be able to talk about it, right?”

Taehyung nodded, looking a little solemn now. His expression appeared conflicted, but he finally lifted himself up to sit up with Yoongi.

“Ok. How do I get started? On the whole… show and tell thing, I guess.”

Yoongi barely had enough control to stop laughing to give a proper response.

“I don’t know, Tae. What are you usually wearing?”

He was almost surprised to see Taehyung hop off the bed and pull his sweatpants down. When he stopped his movements after that, Yoongi admitted to himself that he’d expected this type of reluctance instead.

“Don’t be shy, I’ve seen all of you multiple times.”

“Always in a professional context,” Taehyung defended with a roll of his eyes. He was back on the bed, dressed only in his simple white tee and grey boxer shorts. “This is how I usually am anyway.”

Yoongi looked down, swallowed a little nervously at Taehyung’s blunt words. While the thought had previously been fleeting, this moment wouldn’t be fleeting at all. There was no distracting himself from the sight that the real Taehyung made.

“Ok. Then show me.” His voice came out a little hoarser than intended, but thankfully it hadn’t seemed as if Taehyung had picked up on it.

Taehyung fidgeted, eyes darting momentarily towards the head of the bed.

“You’re a little close…”

Yoongi interpreted that to scoot up to the head of the bed. He leaned back against his pillows, all the while trying not to get too comfortable. What if he ended up more turned on than Taehyung when watching him, when Taehyung was the one meant to jerk off? Yoongi preferred to save himself from unnecessary embarrassment.

That concern ended when his eyes landed on Taehyung, who looked a little panicked, staring wide-eyed at Yoongi’s movement.

“What?”

“Uh…” Taehyung brought his hand up and actually shielded his eyes from view before clarifying. “Would you pass me one of the pillows. Maybe the one you like the least?”

Yoongi’s mouth hung open, even as he reached back and dislodged the first pillow within reach before throwing it over at Taehyung.

“You’re going to hump my pillow?”

Taehyung hugged the pillow to his chest, aiming a mean glare at Yoongi before lying down in the right direction, not so far from Yoongi after all.

“Sounds like you’re judging me,” Taehyung pointed out accusingly. Though it did not stop him from turning onto his side and sliding the pillow between his legs. The pillow was large enough for Taehyung to even rest his chin over the top of it in the position. Yoongi wondered if perhaps Taehyung had been turned on to the point that it was worth it, despite Yoongi failing to control his reaction.

At first, Taehyung’s movements were near imperceptible. Yoongi had been ready to convince himself that the pillow was really just a shield to jerk off out of Yoongi’s complete sight. He was willing to accept that. If Taehyung didn’t feel ready being fully seen, doing something like this right next to Yoongi was still massive. Whilst Taehyung hadn’t denied it, Yoongi’s mind was still busy trying to prove to him that Taehyung surely wasn’t going to hump the pillow.

Only that, eventually, the soft sound of Taehyung moving over the covers drew Yoongi’s eyes downwards, where — though slight — Taehyung was noticeably rocking against the pillow. Yoongi’s eyes flew back up to see that Taehyung’s eyes were squeezed shut, eyebrows furrowed in a worried fashion, but mouth open as if caught on a silent moan of pleasure.

He searched for Taehyung’s hands then, confirming that Taehyung’s arms were still tightly wrapped around the pillow. He hadn’t snuck a hand downwards to stroke himself. Yoongi had really asked Taehyung to get off, and Taehyung had consciously opted not to touch himself directly at all. He’d decided to build up his pleasure through slow, barely there at all, grinding.

Yoongi couldn’t tell if Taehyung had been right in his recent comments about him that he was more perverted than expected, or if it was Taehyung who wasn’t self-aware enough to figure just how arousing of a method he’d chosen to display. Watching Taehyung, still clothed, rock against his pillow, eyes closed as if he felt too ashamed to acknowledge that Yoongi could see him do so, was beyond sexy to Yoongi. It was certainly far sexier than what Yoongi would have imagined — just Taehyung jerking himself banally.

He felt a little guilty for suggesting this scene now, because it definitely seemed as if he needed to take his eyes off of Taehyung if he wanted to remain calm. The sensation was undeniable, that he himself was growing hard beneath his slacks; even though Taehyung still wasn’t explicit in his movements. It was the look Taehyung wore on his face, the sort of expression Yoongi would only expect from someone on the verge of their climax, that had Yoongi’s mouth filling with saliva, palms itching to press against himself. 

He wanted to look away. Would Taehyung even notice? His eyes were still shut. His face read as more relaxed, but he’d definitely left them closed. But, what if Taehyung did open his eyes and did notice that Yoongi wasn’t looking at him at all? Yoongi had been the one to ask for this.

Thinking that Taehyung’s face was just far too beautiful and far too erotic to look at directly, Yoongi returned his gaze to Taehyung’s movements. Embarrassingly, Yoongi’s breath caught at that, but he was too entranced to look back up to see if Taehyung had noticed. There was nothing small or soft about Taehyung’s movements now. It was as if his body movements were completely dissociated from that soft and pleasured visage Yoongi had seen. His hips were wildfire, as if they were acclimatized to this movement and tempo. Like Taehyung wasn’t putting up a show to be enticing, but was genuinely showing how he liked to pleasure himself in the status quo.

He needed to find a distraction quick. Or else, he had no chance of keeping his hands off of himself.

He went to speak, but had to clear his throat to get any kind of coherent sound out.

“Why keep your clothes on?” Yoongi asked in a faux-casual way. He scooted himself further down onto the mattress to make sure he was face to face with Taehyung. Mostly so that Taehyung would look into his eyes directly if he were to open his eyes again, rather than look further down. But also because it brought Yoongi closer to Taehyung’s hips, in a better viewing position to see the way Taehyung moved oh so enticingly.

No matter how much his mind wanted to confirm and create another memory of that expression on Taehyung’s face, Yoongi strictly forbade himself from letting himself do that. It wasn’t so challenging when the alternative was watching the way Taehyung naturally rolled his hips against the pillow. He was prepared to admit that Taehyung wasn’t in fact humping his pillow, but was rather grinding against it — incredibly enthusiastically by now. It was mesmerizing, and was quickly becoming something as arousing for Yoongi as Taehyung’s facial expression had been. It had been a while since he’d last experienced something like this; where he wanted to touch himself but couldn’t because of surrounding circumstances. He didn’t remember it being quite this agonizing.

Thankfully, Taehyung’s answer was slow to come. Yoongi wasn’t sure if he’d have been able to process or understand a quick or sharp reply.

“Don’t want to be messy,” Taehyung explained somewhat haphazardly, voice wobbling. “Shirt on because… friction feels good.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows went up. He wanted to look a little more upwards so badly. He wanted to check if Taehyung was arching his chest into the pillow, too. Because Taehyung’s words were certainly suggestive enough for Yoongi to think that he was gaining pleasure by stimulating his nipples too and that was… Something else that was entirely unexpected and felt so much more erotic than the flashing moments of imagining Taehyung getting himself off he’d allowed himself before today.

“So, your nipples are sensitive?”

Yoongi nearly drew blood when he bit the inside of his cheek. His question had almost come out moaned, even though he was still being good and pretending that he wasn’t as maddeningly turned on as he really was. 

He was just so extremely tempted to reach out to touch, to rub a thumb over Taehyung’s nipple. If only to confirm that that got Taehyung going. It would be so easy to locate through the fabric of his shirt. Most of Taehyung’s shirts as of late always looked so soft and comfy, as if Yoongi could just reach out and easily feel Taehyung’s warmth through the fabric. Instead, he kept his hands to himself.

Taehyung was whining in protest anyway, hips still undulating without stop. Yoongi was still wondering if Taehyung was pressing his chest up against the pillow to simulate that friction. Afraid of losing all control over his hands if he were to see it for himself, he stayed put, eyes drinking in the way Taehyung moved against the give of the pillow.

“Didn’t say that.” Taehyung’s words sounded panted out. Yoongi felt so warm, so desperate to see if Taehyung’s facial expression had progressed. Was it even possible for Taehyung to look more aroused than before?

“Both your ears and nipples, huh? You’re so fuckin’ cute, Taehyung,” he slurred out in an attempt to sound like his usual self. Not like someone who was falling apart seeing their friend have some almost innocent-looking fun with himself.

He didn’t miss how Taehyung’s hips stuttered in their movement, or the way Taehyung moaned louder than before, though it was cut off, soon muffled. It was like a reflex to look up, to see that Taehyung had bit into the corner of the pillow to quiet himself somewhat. It was almost secondary to notice that Taehyung’s eyes weren’t closed at all. No, instead they were ready to meet Yoongi’s. His eyelashes looked long, almost wet as if Taehyung had been tearing up from the pleasure and emotions rushing through him. Taehyung’s gaze was so different from what Yoongi was used to. It was something smouldering, closer to one of Taehyung’s stage personas — the kind that always oozed seduction and sin. It wasn’t a look that Taehyung wore in his private life. His hand was reaching for Taehyung before he could think better of it.

At least, he managed to ask, “Taehyung, will you let me touch your face?” He would, however, deny how pleading the request had sounded. Nevertheless, his heart all but soared when Taehyung gave him a quick nod of approval.

He’d placed his hand over Taehyung’s cheek so many times now that the shape of his face felt like the perfect one for the palm of his hand. He rubbed his thumb under Taehyung’s eye, drinking in the sight of Taehyung — flushed, short of breath, still rocking his hips against the pillow.

Eventually, he dipped his thumb lower to trace the shape of Taehyung’s lips, insistent until Taehyung pulled his mouth away from the pillow, letting out a trembling gasp of air. Yoongi was amused yet lightheaded to see that the corner of the pillow was now wet from Taehyung’s mouth.

“Kiss me?” Taehyung requested, sounding both pretty and breathless.

Yoongi kissed him with the same vigour as he had earlier, hand curling over the back of Taehyung’s neck. This time, the wet sounds of their mouths meeting was accompanied by the significant rustling sound of Taehyung moving both against the mattress and the pillow. Yoongi felt unbearably hot, like there was an intense tension all throughout his chest area that he couldn’t lessen.

“Are you really going to come like that?” Yoongi asked against Taehyung’s lips, deeply aware that Taehyung’s hands had not once moved from gripping the pillow close to him.

“I usually just fall asleep before that,” Taehyung provided with a shake of his head.

Yoongi laughed, suddenly finding it fit that their first kiss had ended with them asleep. Though, now that Taehyung had said as much, he noticed how Taehyung was growing more lethargic, eyelids heavy.

With one last kiss to Taehyung’s wet lips, he pulled back and kneeled next to Taehyung. He was too unbearably hot at this point. He wanted to make sure Taehyung got off.

“Ok, give me that pillow. Won’t you jerk off for me instead?” The words had come out more domineering than intended, voice rough from how intensely Yoongi was trying to keep himself in line.

Taehyung made more whining noises of protest, but barely put up any fight when Yoongi pulled the pillow away. Instead, he flopped onto his back. It was immediately apparent to Yoongi that Taehyung was breathing hard, and was much more turned on than before. The visible stain of pre-cum over Taehyung’s underwear had Yoongi glancing down at the pillow. Indeed, the wetness had seeped through the fabric of Taehyung’s boxer shorts and onto the pillowcase.

“Hyung, stop looking! I promise I’m not messy.”

Yoongi tossed the pillow aside, looking down with gentle fondness at Taehyung.

“Dunno. You’re looking pretty messy right now.”

“You want me to come, it’s going to be messier,” Taehyung complained, still having made no move to touch himself.

“I’ll jerk off, too,” Yoongi decided. The ache had become much too loud in his mind, much too long ago. He was aching for his release, desperate for any sort of relief. “You ok with that?” He tried to make sure softly, already trying to come up with four new ways to calm himself if Taehyung reacted in any kind of appalled way.

“Yes,” Taehyung replied with instead, but it sounded a little dazed. His eyes were pointed directly at Yoongi’s crotch now. That expression, so beautiful it was almost theatrically seductive, hadn’t faded at all.

He tried to remind himself that Taehyung had seen him in the nude before. Maybe not aroused, but still. He only lowered the zipper of his slacks to pull out his cock. He had to close his eyes against the rush of pleasure and want that the simple act brought him.

When he opened his eyes, Taehyung’s own gaze hadn’t shifted, but he’d pushed a hand down into his underwear. Again, he couldn’t help but to feel fond at Taehyung’s apparent and somewhat misplaced shyness. Taehyung’s fisting motion was evident, the fabric of his underwear wasn’t hiding anything.

For a dizzying moment, Yoongi acknowledged that he was kneeling above Taehyung, cock in hand. He had to squeeze his hand around his cock harshly, afraid of spilling after only a few ill-timed stroking gestures. But then, he took stock of Taehyung, and he wasn’t so sure either of them could go on for much longer.

“Taehyung,” he used his best imitation of a sultry voice to call his name. “Won’t you make a mess for hyung?”

The response was almost instantaneous, Taehyung letting out a shocking sound that Yoongi had never heard before — as if he were in great pain, but still in a euphoric state of being. Yoongi watched as Taehyung wrapped his hand around the head of his cock, as if to hide the evidence that he’d in fact caused more of a mess at Yoongi’s request.

“Hyung,” Taehyung called out softly.

Yoongi had no idea what for. Yet, the sound of it had him jerking himself more aggressively, hips snapping to help the motion, and suddenly it was all too much. His vision went almost white, though the edges seemed a little black.

He only came to himself when he heard Taehyung call out for him again, but this time a little more scoldingly.

“Yes?”

He felt a little flustered now, just kneeling there with his dick out. Especially given the fact that Taehyung’s had remained out of sight all along.

“I was trying to be not messy for you!” Yoongi felt himself blink owlishly, not comprehending why Taehyung sounded so worked up, especially when Yoongi was very much caught up with his post-orgasmic bliss. “Why did you come on me!”

Yoongi crashed back down easily then, looking down in horror at the stains over Taehyung’s shirt. Even though the tee was white, there was no denying what the substance marking it was.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, Taehyung. I didn’t think of where it would land at all. I was so caught up… That’s not an excuse, I know, but —”

He stopped himself when he noticed the easy smile on Taehyung’s face.

“It’s alright, hyung. Seriously. You’re the one who’s like averse to body fluids. I’m actually already covered in mine, too… You know, in my underwear. So, there was no escaping being a mess.”

“I should still have asked.”

Taehyung patted his hand gently, though not very energetically.

“Hey, it’s alright. As virgins… we’re bound to do that pretty quickly and without warning.”

He found himself snickering with Taehyung, even though a slight sense of guilt still hung heavily around him.

“I think I’ll go prepare a bath for you. You can grab whatever you want from my wardrobe, and I’ll take care of your dirty clothes. We can figure out dinner after that. Sound good?”

Taehyung’s eyelids looked even heavier now, as if the slight shift in his gaze to be able to look at Yoongi were monumental.

“Can we nap before food?”

“Maybe.”

He ran his hand along Taehyung’s cheek one more time, and then set out to do exactly as planned.

He wasn’t quite done when Taehyung joined him in the bathroom, moving awkwardly due to the state of his underwear, but already with his shirt pulled off, and new clothes folded under his arm.

“There’s the hamper in the corner,” Yoongi gestured distractedly as he measured how much epsom salt to pour into the hot water.

He heard Taehyung shuffle over and was surprised to find that he’d wrapped a towel around his waist to cover himself. Giving it a second thought, he reminded himself of how familiar Taehyung had grown with this specific bathroom.

“Are you like poisoning me?”

Yoongi frowned and lowered his eyebrows, at first thinking that Taehyung was calling him out for corrupting him. He eased up when Taehyung pointed at the jar he was still holding up.

“Oh, it’s for your skin. Dunno, didn’t want it to be irritated. I know you break out into hives when you’re too warm, and you did keep most your clothes on.”

There was no denying the way Taehyung’s eyes filled with tears. Yoongi looked away promptly, wondering if Taehyung was reacting like that simply because there was something else he was upset about, but couldn’t show. Had he regretted getting involved with Yoongi like this?

He looked up when he heard the sound of water moving, and then averted his eyes quicker than before. Taehyung had dropped his towel and had sunk into the water. Yoongi counted down a few seconds in his mind, and then looked to find Taehyung near the faucet, as if warming his hands under the jet of hot water.

“That’s so embarrassing. You must think I’m the unsexiest person there is if you’re thinking about my hives at this kind of time.”

Yoongi leaned an elbow against the bathtub, chin heavy over his open palm. The bath wasn’t yet prepared to be nearly as therapeutic as Yoongi had intended, but Taehyung seemed quite comfortable in it already.

“Actually, you were so hot back there.”

Yoongi found that he meant the words more than he would have expected. The way Taehyung whined so much in bed, how sensitive he was, that unique mixture of excited yet shy, it all had this strong magnetic pull that he’d never thought of or imagined before.

“Oh, so you don’t always finish that quickly? Was that just for me?”

In a rush of embarrassment, Yoongi made to stand up, but Taehyung’s wet hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled him back down.

“If I were that trigger-happy do you really think I would own any sex toys, Tae?”

The unexpected reference seemed to please Taehyung to no end, who guffawed loudly and leaned back to rest the back of his neck against the ledge of the bathtub.

Taehyung had let go of his wrist, but for some reason Yoongi wasn’t moving away from the bathtub. He watched in a strangely relaxed state as Taehyung’s laughter came to an end, and how Taehyung’s lips remained curved upwards regardless.

“I like you, too, you know?” Yoongi felt himself focus intensely on Taehyung’s words at that. “You made me feel really good and safe.”

He fought down the urge to dispute that he, in fact, hadn’t done anything at all. Only, he didn’t want to disturb the expression on Taehyung’s face, almost quaint and dreamy as his smile grew.

“I should go get the laundry started.”

He almost expected the way Taehyung’s smile waned.

“Can’t you stay?”

He leaned over the bath to ruffle Taehyung’s hair, exaggerating the movement further when Taehyung’s pout returned.

“As much as I like seeing you relaxing. You do have to scrub off that dried cum. I’m not letting you nap in my bed unless you’ve actually cleaned up. You want me to stay and watch that?”

Taehyung was clearly embarrassed, but still tried to maintain the banter with Yoongi.

“So what, you want to watch only until it’s time to clean up?”

Yoongi took the bait, smirking as he crossed his arms over the ledge of the tub.

“Ok. I’ll stay.”

Taehyung sat there for all of ten seconds before he sank down to the point where even his chin was touching the water.

“Ugh, I was kidding. Please go. I’ll see you after.”

Yoongi found that he missed Taehyung while they were apart. Even as he’d inspected Taehyung’s clothes to assess how much detergent he was going to pour in. Even then, he wondered what kind of expression Taehyung was wearing. He wondered whether Taehyung was thinking of him, too.

It took a few days for them to be reunited in that same bathroom again — for them to have the luxury to organize Taehyung staying over for the night once again.

Those few days had been a little challenging. Yoongi didn’t think he’d experienced that frequency and intensity in the urge to touch himself since he’d first discovered the act as a young teen. It was hard to go to bed comfortably without thinking of Taehyung in that same bed, his thighs squeezed around Yoongi’s pillow. Perhaps what made matters worse was that Taehyung, outside of Yoongi’s apartment, didn’t look awkward or regretful at all. He still sought out Yoongi’s lips as much as possible, and generally had a more happy and confident aura than what was usual for him.

So, of course Yoongi had accepted when Taehyung had asked for them to take a bath together. He hadn’t needed an explanation about how Taehyung thought that this too could make them more comfortable sexually with one another. Yoongi was just over the moon to have more fodder for his imagination; the thought of having Taehyung, impossibly lovely Taehyung, naked and pressed up against him in the bathtub was undeniably erotic.

Thankfully, reality had been a little more bearable than the fantasy had been. The bathtub’s size would have been fit for three persons, really. And Taehyung didn’t really have to press right up against Yoongi. Taehyung had spent more time playing with the bath’s bubbles than he’d had acting suggestively.

Despite this, Yoongi found himself growing hard just at the sight of Taehyung. When Taehyung leaned down to dunk his face underwater, Yoongi greedily drank in the lines of Taehyung’s body. The broadness of Taehyung’s shoulders, and the way his torso tapered off into his tiny waist. The shade of his skin, and the way stray droplets clung to his arms when he pulled them out of the water.

He’d thought he’d been discrete with his staring, but eventually Taehyung relaxed into the tub and leaned his head down heavily against Yoongi’s shoulder.

“Would it be ok if I touched you?” Taehyung asked him, even though his hand was somewhere above Yoongi’s left knee already.

“This is fine.”

His voice came out a little deeper than usual. He shut his eyes, wondering if he just stopped thinking of the fact that Taehyung was right there whether he could calm himself down a little. This wasn’t really like him.

“No, I… Can I jerk you off?”

He felt his gut twist at the usual way Taehyung whispered the sexual words in the sentence. The tone was like a faux blanket of innocence, barely concealing Taehyung’s eagerness and seductiveness.

“Uh…” His mind was a little slow to process the request. He hadn’t expected Taehyung to be the one to ask for something to happen between them again so soon.

“I just keep thinking of the way it looked when it was your hand on yourself… the other day…”

“You’ve been thinking about it?” Yoongi blurted out, excitement pulsing through him at finding out that he hadn’t been the only one.

“Your movements were so confident. It made me want to touch you like that, too,” Taehyung confessed, his tone sweet now. “Would you let me? You know, I can see through the water that you’re feeling good. Let me make you feel better?”

Yoongi didn’t know how he could possibly turn the offer down. He leaned his head fully back and almost trembled with anticipation as he replied.

“Sure, yeah. Go ahead.”

Taehyung’s movements weren’t at all confident, but Yoongi immediately found that he preferred Taehyung’s touch — even soft and skimming — over his own practiced one. Taehyung’s fingers traced the length of him, as if familiarizing himself with where Yoongi began and ended. When his fingers circled around him, it felt almost curious and clinical, as if Taehyung was simply determining Yoongi’s girth, rather than trying to touch Yoongi in any particular way.

Then, Taehyung’s grip became firmer as he ran his thumb along the edge of where the head of Yoongi’s cock started. Yoongi bit down on his tongue, closing his eyes as Taehyung’s thumb moved in an almost soothing motion over the actual head of his cock. Still, he wasn’t able to keep in a surprised moan when Taehyung tapped his index and middle finger over the slit. A moment later, Taehyung was rubbing his open palm over the head of his cock, reminding Yoongi of how Taehyung had touched his own when he’d pushed his hand into his underwear a few days ago.

That image, combined with Taehyung’s very different and distinctive way of touching him had him moaning uncontrollably louder.

“You like it?” Taehyung asked, bright and earnestly.

Taehyung’s enthusiasm had Yoongi flushing deeper. He fought to find something to say that wasn’t just a confession that he couldn’t stop fantasizing about Taehyung lately.

“I like how you bought so much lube, but… We keep getting off raw like this.”

“You poor baby,” Taehyung cooed at him, just as he gripped the base of his cock in a move so confident it almost gave Yoongi whiplash.

On his stroke upwards, the pressure just right and just enough to have Yoongi panting with it, Taehyung leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to his neck. The gesture had Yoongi opening his eyes blearily.

“You’re touching me so…” The words were difficult to get out because Taehyung was properly stroking him now, his movements rhythmic and self-assured.

“Confident, just like you did,” Taehyung explained. The way he answered, almost dispassionately, made Yoongi’s gut clench even more. “Except I distinctively remember that you started thrusting your hips into your fist. Won’t you do that for me?”

Yoongi closed his eyes at the sight of Taehyung’s pout. It was as if he’d already become conditioned to burning with arousal whenever Taehyung pulled the expression.

“Not going to come in the bath,” Yoongi managed to squeeze the words out through his teeth.

He wondered if Taehyung had interpreted it as a challenge because his pace distinctively quickened. When he managed to open his eyes again, Yoongi felt entranced with the scene. Even though it was underwater, there was no mistaking the motions of Taehyung’s arm. In a rare moment of clarity on the situation, he felt awed again that it was Taehyung doing these sorts of things with him.

Just as his vision began going funny with his mounting pleasure, he pushed Taehyung’s hand away with a discomforted groan. He was impressed when Taehyung didn’t respond with any type of whine or pout. Taehyung pulled back entirely, his face free of any feeling.

He didn’t apologize either, or act in any way to make Yoongi feel guilty for pushing him off. Instead, he immediately went for comforting words.

“Hey, you’re ok.”

Yoongi smiled, even though he wasn’t upset, and didn’t in fact need any kind of comforting. Taehyung’s quick care had touched him all the same.

“Yeah, it’s just…” He scrunched up his face, sensing that Taehyung was about to laugh at what he would explain. “Coming underwater is so messy, Tae. Not cute messy like you. Like, I’d have to do serious manscaping because it legit feels like glue when it happens underwater. Trust me.”

“You think I’m cute messy!” Taehyung looked enchanted for a solid moment, before his expression morphed into avid curiosity. “So, wait. You do this in the bath a lot? Is that why you got turned on? Is this like Pavlov’s bath?”

Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose with a small huff.

“Pavlov’s bath? How do you come up with this stuff, I swear. I mean, yeah, I learned that lesson a long time ago. When I do stuff like this… I’ll just finish outside the bathwater.”

Taehyung moved further back in the bathtub, nodding his head towards the ledge against the wall of the bathroom. It was wide enough to be seat-like; Yoongi would usually line up his bath products there when he was alone.

“Ok. Then, hop up and I’ll help you finish.”

Despite wanting to protest or even pretend that he wanted to turn that down, Yoongi hoisted himself out of the water, and immediately noticed his terrible mistake. Because, when Taehyung approached, his face was definitely levelled with Yoongi’s crotch. He felt lightheaded, especially when Taehyung pushed his legs apart to come in closer.

“I don’t think I can last long,” Yoongi warned, sounding almost choked up.

“It’s ok, we’ve talked about it before. I know you’re only quick for me.”

Taehyung’s words were, by all means, teasing. But they almost lost their edge with how focused Taehyung looked to be in finding his rhythm again. The glide of Taehyung’s hand felt both gentle and overwhelming now.

Suddenly, it came to a stop. Yoongi hissed through his teeth, curse words at the tip of his tongue. He wasn’t sure if Taehyung had lost focus out of the blue, or if he was trying some impromptu kind of edging technique, but Yoongi wasn’t much of a fan in that very moment.

“Taehyung.” He breathed through his nose once he realized that even Taehyung’s name had managed to come out aggressive. “Do you just want me to plead or something?”

Taehyung’s hand remained still, grip not too tight nor too loose. Taehyung, however, shifted to press his cheek against the inside of Yoongi’s thigh. The image was driving him wild; Taehyung’s face was getting increasingly closer to Yoongi’s cock.

“Nope,” the word was lilted as Taehyung turned to press a kiss to Yoongi’s thigh. Yoongi looked up, the need to have Taehyung move his hand again — or at least let Yoongi do it instead — building and ultimately clouding his thoughts. “Just waiting for you to listen to me.”

“Taehyung,” Yoongi breathed the name out dramatically. “Trust me, even if Bang PD started knocking at the door in a frenzy right now, I’d still listen to you over anyone else.”

He was a little relieved when Taehyung’s seductive gaze wavered at that, instead giving place to Taehyung’s bright laughter. It made it easier for Yoongi to catch his breath, even if only for a small ephemeral moment.

“You’re so silly. I meant, I’m waiting for you to do as you’re told. Thrust into my hand, please.”

Just like that, Taehyung’s tempting and alluring aura had made a full return. It wasn’t a question at all. This time, when Taehyung drew his hand upwards and brought it back down, Yoongi was ready to move up to meet Taehyung’s downward stroke. Miraculously, there was no stumbling to find their rhythm, Taehyung’s movements synching to Yoongi’s desires almost seamlessly. When Yoongi’s thrusts became more sporadic, Taehyung slowed and tightened his grip. It had Yoongi truly fighting with himself to not become uncharacteristically vocal with his release.

Taehyung must have sensed the way Yoongi had tensed up even further, because he’d wrapped his palm over the head of Yoongi’s cock just in time for Yoongi to finish.

When Taehyung pulled back, the palm of his hand glistening with Yoongi’s release, Yoongi’s softening cock actually gave another last twitch.

“Woah, there’s… so much…” Taehyung said, almost as if he were still doing all of this out of curiosity.

Yoongi let his head thunk back against the wall before finding the energy to look at Taehyung, who had stayed in the exact same position, eyes wide and fixed on the inside of his hand.

He stepped out of the bathtub first, pulling Taehyung out by the wrist of his clean hand. He put Taehyung’s hand under cold water, yawning tiredly as his eyes drooped.

Only then did he realize he’d pulled Taehyung out of the tub fully naked. Taehyung who always ingeniously covered himself up, and preserved whatever small iota of modesty he could. His eyes wandered as he kept Taehyung’s hand under the flow of water longer than necessary.

Yoongi’s stare stopped when he took note that Taehyung hadn’t been playing with Yoongi for a strict motive of curiosity, but had definitely drawn pleasure from it too.

“Can I jerk you off too?” he asked, casually, as if they were talking about their food order and not Yoongi’s hand on Taehyung’s body.

“I can get back in the water if you want. You could test your glue theory,” Taehyung proposed with a smirk.

Yoongi only rolled his eyes at that, towelling Taehyung off before realizing he was even doing it in the first place. “How about in my bed instead? I’ll be right behind you, just going to drain the bath.”

It ended up being more than draining the bath, including wiping down the floors where they had tracked water on their way out. And then a solid minute or two of staring at his reflection and coming to terms with the reality of Taehyung waiting for him on his bed, still naked, and skin certainly still warmed from their bath together.

He pulled a pair of sweatpants on — retrieved from the hamper — before heading to his room, where Taehyung’s actual appearance bested Yoongi’s fantasies.

Taehyung had spread out the towel he’d walked out with under himself. Almost adorably — had it not been for the rest of the scene — he’d pulled one of Yoongi’s pillows to hold in his arm, as he jerked himself furiously with his other hand.

“Ah, Taehyung,” he scolded as put a knee over the mattress. “Wasn’t I supposed to do that?”

He stared down intensely at the way the head peeked out of Taehyung’s fist on each downward stroke, revealing that Taehyung’s cock had flushed a cute red.

“You can help,” Taehyung let out, somewhat shamelessly, but still breathlessly.

The gesture certainly felt weird as he wrapped his hand over Taehyung’s. Their fingers slotted in certain areas in a way that allowed Yoongi to have some contact with Taehyung’s flesh. But, mostly, Yoongi was guiding Taehyung’s hand for him, controlling the pressure Taehyung used too by pressing down over his hand.

He hadn’t meant to be cruel by slowing down Taehyung’s rhythm, by forcing his hand up and down at a much steadier pace. Taehyung’s hand had just been moving so quick, it had almost looked painful. Especially given the fact that they still had yet to pull out any lube. With that thought, he patted Taehyung’s thigh with his free hand before pulling his touch back completely.

Taehyung didn’t have a chance to react before Yoongi spoke patiently.

“Don’t move, give me a second.”

Taehyung’s reaction came after the words, a sound so deeply laced with frustration and hurt that Yoongi almost gave up on lube to go straight back to him.

Instead, he laughed as he hurried to the bedside table.

“Min Yoongi, why are you doing this to me? What did I do to deserve this? I don’t deserve it, no one would. It’s cruel, and extremely unusual.”

His words were so stretched out that Yoongi had already returned by the time Taehyung had sobbed to a stop, hand clenched tightly around himself. As for Yoongi, he was a little unceremonious in pushing the lube out and over the head of Taehyung’s cock. It immediately looked filthy, the liquid mixing with Taehyung’s pre-cum and spilling onto Taehyung’s fist. He pushed more onto his own palm, though he could already tell the whole area was more than wet enough already, and resumed his earlier position.

Taehyung’s cries of frustration resumed too when Yoongi made no move to speed up the jerking motion.

“Too slow, Tae?” he inquired playfully. “Remember the other day? You were grinding so slowly, and then you totally lost your cool. You were going so fast, but you were just going to fall asleep instead of finishing. If you stay slow and controlled, you’ll get there.”

“No,” Taehyung let out, the vowel dragged out. Yoongi watched, bemused, as Taehyung pulled the pillow closer against his side, as if seeking comfort away from Yoongi’s ruthlessness. “I can’t do slow. Can’t you do it for me instead?”

Taehyung wiggled his hand out from underneath Yoongi’s and then it was just Yoongi’s hand directly on Taehyung’s heated and wet flesh. He felt his throat get tighter at the way Taehyung looked up at him trustingly.

Yoongi nodded his head, almost wanting to hide his eyes behind his bangs as he fully took charge. His strokes remained slow and strong, but Taehyung was getting increasingly louder. He was almost babbling on, but Yoongi could only make out his own name out of the string of moaned words.

“What’s that?” He coughed after his words, surprised at how completely hypnotized he had sounded. It was a stark contrast from his hand’s steadiness. 

“More pressure… underneath…”

His hand stopped momentarily as he worked the words out. He pressed the palm of his hand more harshly against the underside of Taehyung’s cock. Taehyung’s back arched noticeably in response, his babbled words melting simply into sounds of pleasure.

He thought back on how it must have been the underside pressed tightly against the pillow when Taehyung had last been in his bed. He must have been particularly sensitive there. It was only the familiar memories that he’d played again and again in his mind of their first encounter that had him asking, “You ever play with your nipples?”

Taehyung turned his head, he too looking as if he wanted to hide his face now. Nevertheless, Yoongi was fairly sure of what Taehyung’s answer would have been had he dared to answer out loud.

“Won’t you show me now? Hyung will take care of your cock for you.”

He had to sink his teeth into his bottom lip when he felt Taehyung’s cock veritably jump in his grip at the comment. And then he had to resist actually moaning aloud when Taehyung complied with his request without any hesitation. He watched, fascinated, as Taehyung’s fingers smeared the lube over his dark nipples. Taehyung’s fingers were barely grazing, and yet Yoongi had a great view of just how quickly his nipples hardened at the motion.

Yoongi’s grip and motions never faltered, nor did they quicken, so it came as a shock when Taehyung spilled without any warning. Unfortunately, it had been all over himself.

Everything seemed to stop after that. Taehyung looked up at him, gaze almost adoring as his hands fell limply over his heaving chest. As for Yoongi, he couldn’t help but to openly blush at the look Taehyung was giving him. He was only able to loosen his grip and to let go once Taehyung’s breathing had evened out.

The silent moment was short-lived as Taehyung looked a little horrified to find that his cum had, again, landed on his flesh. Yoongi saw the streak right over his belly button and found it oddly adorable. What with the lube that had dripped over his hips, in between his thighs, and now across his chest; Taehyung made for an even messier sight than the other day.

“Why me? I swear I’m not messy, hyung.”

Instead of immediately answering, Yoongi leaned down and kissed Taehyung soundly. When he pulled back, a dozen of kisses later, Taehyung had stopped whining.

“And you’re sure this position is comfortable?” Yoongi asked dubiously, smoothing his hands over the expanse of Taehyung’s inner thighs.

“Feels good on my hip flexors.”

Taehyung was on his back, they’d slipped a pillow beneath his lower back — not without Yoongi flustering him by warning him not to defile it again. It had been Taehyung who’d just brought his legs in close to his chest, knees falling outwards, and feet brought in close together. Yoongi couldn’t really say that it was a sexy position. His feet looked a little too close to his erection, which had yet to flag.

In reality, the position didn’t really matter. Yoongi was excited simply knowing what they were about to do.

Taehyung had texted him randomly yesterday. They’d never sent each other messages of that nature before then. So, Yoongi had blackened the screen of his phone as soon as the words had registered, heart kicking up a storm in his chest.

Hyung, will you teach me how to finger myself?

His phone had lit up with a couple of follow-ups, not even a few seconds later.

You know what, no. Forget it.

Would you just finger me so that I can see if I like it?

Now, they were back in Yoongi’s apartment. They’d made out extensively, at Yoongi’s suggestion that they “get into the mood”, but that had led to the night being quite advanced by the time Yoongi had pushed Taehyung back down onto the mattress and had fetched the jar of lube he’d set out earlier for this. He hadn’t used any from Taehyung’s canvas bag, but rather from his own personal collection. He knew how to make the best use out of this specific brand. He’d show Taehyung exactly how he liked it, and then they’d figure out if Taehyung liked it too, or how he’d like it instead.

The lateness of the night must have been the reason Taehyung looked so drained. Yoongi himself felt a little worn down by the day; he was even impressed they’d both managed to work themselves up to the point of arousal. However, Taehyung didn’t feel loose-limbed or pliant from the tiredness. He felt high-strung instead, shoulders tensely held up high. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re comfortable like that, but… Could you like maybe relax a bit?”

With a sigh, Taehyung threw his head back, but it didn’t have the effect of loosening his posture. If anything, it almost looked more rigid.

“Don’t think so. Today was so stressful.”

Yoongi could agree with that. Days where they weren’t happy with their progress or the state of their work always felt that way. Like every day wasted producing something subpar had a way of blaring the pressures of their position, of the hundreds of employees who dedicated their time to make them shine and were counting on them not to dull that shine themselves.

The day had ended with rehearsals that hadn’t exactly gone phenomenally. The group had stretched to cool down in a heavy and uncomfortable silence. It had been so silent that Yoongi had easily heard Jungkook when he’d commented that “we all really need to get laid tonight.”

Seokjin had been the one to answer, but Yoongi had wondered if Jungkook had aimed the question at him, Taehyung, or both. Seokjin and Taehyung had been holding hands, standing apart with their spines forming a concave curve as they stretched their upper backs.

He’d fully expected for Taehyung to play along with the comments, as he usually and still did. Instead, he’d only said, “I need to see Yeontan and have one of my mother’s sandwiches.”

Yoongi had been amazed to see Taehyung choose not to associate himself with the sexuality that others assumed for him. He found it a little ironic, however, that they’d already agreed to go home together that night to actually have a sexual encounter.

He could see now that the comment had been just one last stressor on the pile that had accumulated atop Taehyung’s shoulders over the course of the day.

“We can postpone, you know. Your ass and my fingers aren’t going anywhere.”

Another sigh from Taehyung.

“Yeah, but… I just really want to.”

Yoongi laughed at the simple feeling, and it only got brighter when Taehyung looked back up at him with a smile he was clearly trying to hold back.

“Well then, relax for me, why don’t you?”

He grabbed Taehyung’s hips and started manoeuvring them to bring the left side and then the right side up — the same way he liked to stretch when his hip flexors were sore.

Taehyung’s eyes didn’t lose the earlier glint of amusement, but his concealed smile seamlessly turned to a frown.

“I feel like I’m at a massage therapist.”

Before he thought better of it, Yoongi was answering, “That’s hot.”

He bit his tongue, face flushing as he wondered — not for the first time — if Taehyung was right when he teased him about being a pervert. He was supposed to be Taehyung’s equally virginal confidante, yet here he was spontaneously making up fantasies where he could role-play as Taehyung’s massage therapist and get his hands all over him.

“That is not hot,” Taehyung retorted back, a little quickly.

“I mean! You said it while you were half-naked! Was I supposed to imagine an innocent scenario where I’m your massage therapist?”

Taehyung went a shade redder.

“Oh… I forgot. About the clothes.”

Taehyung was naked from the waist down. He’d left his shirt on, mumbling something about it feeling good when Yoongi had toyed with its hem in silent question.

“How can someone feel so tense and yet not even realize he’s got no pants on,” Yoongi teased him gently, fingers curving over Taehyung’s waist. Taehyung’s smile was cheeky. He still had his legs up, and though the position had seemed awkward to Yoongi not that long ago, it was starting to feel overwhelming in its appeal.

“Someone who’s stressed out by life but not by you,” Taehyung replied sincerely. It seemed as if Taehyung had brought his legs in even closer to his chest by the time Yoongi looked back at him after picking the lube back up.

“I’m not putting my fingers in you until you relax,” Yoongi said patiently.

“Yeah right, you know I’m right here, right? I can see you lubing your fingers up.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, feeling amused. Kneeling, he sat back on his heels. Taehyung had been exaggerating, he’d only coated his right thumb with the lube. Though it had been right there for the last handful of minutes, Yoongi finally allowed himself to look directly at Taehyung’s hole. Like this, it was hard to even imagine fitting his thumb in. Though it also always felt like that for himself at the start of a night where he was exploring, and it never really ended that way. Still, Taehyung had confessed that he’d never tried anything like it. Maybe it really would just be his thumb for tonight.

For now, he used both hands to spread Taehyung’s cheeks even further apart, letting his thumb fall somewhere close to his rim.

“So, you weren’t kidding? You really shaved?”

Yoongi saw the way Taehyung’s right calf twitched, as if he were resisting the urge to kick Yoongi.

“You’re a jerk, hyung. That was like… a month ago? I don’t even know. But, obviously, I shaved again for you.”

His thumb was circling gently now, spreading the wetness of the lube, but making no move to push inside of Taehyung.

“You don’t have to,” Yoongi replied, having to clear his throat afterwards to sound less distracted. “I’m as hairy as you are. And if like, you’re only willing to fuck me if I’m hairless, you can shave me yourself.”

He looked up sharply when Taehyung moaned, eyes shut, head thrown back, the whole package. His thumb paused. He’d barely put any pressure, still circling in a patient motion, forever waiting for Taehyung to ease up. Though, at this point, he was afraid Taehyung would only relax once he’d fallen asleep. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to try anything then.

When Taehyung didn’t look at him, just stayed still with his eyes shut, cheeks red, and eerily silent, Yoongi had to inquire.

“So like, is that something you’re into? Like, removing my body hair?”

Taehyung’s hand shot out to grip his wrist. The grip was a little too hard for Yoongi, but he took it in stride. It was worth it to see Taehyung’s cutely worked up expression, especially now that his eyes were open again, glaring right at him. He brushed his thumb over Taehyung’s hole and smiled wider when he felt Taehyung’s hold weaken around his wrist.

“No! I was into, like… the thought of… you know, you said if I fucked you…” Taehyung’s tongue slipped out, the same way he did when he concentrated to pick up challenging choreography, only Yoongi guessed he was concentrating now just to piece his thoughts together clearly for Yoongi. “You never really answered when I wondered how… How we should do it when we do it. You seem ok with maybe fingering me, so I thought. Yeah.”

Yoongi quirked an eyebrow up at that. He leaned over Taehyung, used his clean hand to tilt Taehyung’s chin up to meet him in a brief but sweet kiss.

“Didn’t know you were thinking stuff like that. I didn’t answer only because I don’t mind. We can have whatever sex we feel like having on the day of, it’s not more complicated than that, ok?”

“Ok,” Taehyung answered back softly.

His hand settled higher over Taehyung’s inner thigh. He tucked his thumb over the back of his hand, not wanting to wet more of Taehyung’s skin with the lube.

“So we’re clear, you didn’t ask for this ‘cause you felt you had no other choice?”

Taehyung shook his head. Yoongi was surprised to find that the motion looked more relaxed than Taehyung had previously looked.

“Nah, I really wanted to see what it was like. And if I didn’t like it… I don’t know. Maybe I would have said I don’t want to try with, you know… Little Yoongi.”

Yoongi pinched Taehyung’s stomach over his shirt, and Taehyung immediately yelped, whole body tensing before relaxing again.

“I can’t believe you. Were you really tense because you were scared you wouldn’t like it? Taehyung. There are only positive consequences to finding out you don’t like something. Because then you’ll tell me, and we won’t do the thing you don’t like. One less thing to worry about.” Taehyung nodded along with every word, as if he had inherently known all of that, but had needed Yoongi to tell him directly that he was right in order to let himself believe it, too. “Oh, and I also can’t believe ‘little Yoongi’. That’s the unsexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

They both laughed together, and that was exactly when Yoongi returned his hands to their previous position. Taehyung’s rim really was wet now and, after applying more lube, Yoongi was focused on rubbing insistently over Taehyung’s hole. Taehyung laughed for a while longer until it seemed like he wasn’t able to get any sound out at all, as if Yoongi’s small movement was demanding all of his breath instead.

“I’m relaxed now. Can you…?” Taehyung’s tone was so soft that it captured Yoongi’s full attention.

He looked over Taehyung’s form. Taehyung who had bent himself nearly in half for Yoongi, and hadn’t rolled out of the position yet, hadn’t given any indication that he was uncomfortable, or that he was getting aggravated or even bored. Whose cock had been flushed, hard, leaking onto the small curve of his stomach throughout all of this, and who had made no movement at all to touch it or draw any attention to it. Who had no idea if he’d like the feeling at all, hadn’t even tried it himself, had just trusted that Yoongi could accurately show him the feeling.

“You’re so sweet,” Yoongi whispered, sounding more mesmerized than he’d meant to let on.

Taehyung looked up at him with a gaze so enamoured that Yoongi could only tell himself that Taehyung surely hadn’t meant to let that much on either.

Pressing his thumb into Taehyung was so different from doing it to himself. It was so warm, so tight, that he had trouble not just stopping to immerse himself in a full visualization of what it would feel like to sink into Taehyung, to really be inside of him. He took a steadying breath just as Taehyung’s breath hitched with the way he pulled his thumb back a fraction of a centimetre to push back into him.

He didn’t move much at all, really. More focused on starting to stretch the muscle, waiting for that moment where the tension would leave Taehyung so that he could slip his fingers into him instead. He used his free hand to caress Taehyung’s thigh again, and focused entirely on the way Taehyung’s rim clung to his thumb when he drew it back.

He wasn’t entirely sure why the experience of having Taehyung so tight around his thumb was so arousing. Though his lower region was throbbing with the thought it, he certainly knew the night wasn’t heading in that direction. For all intents and purposes, it should have been a hinderance for Taehyung to be so tight; how was Yoongi supposed to — at all — show him how good it could feel if he couldn’t even push his fingers inside? And yet, the thought of possibly being the person that would loosen Taehyung up, of Taehyung opening up for him when he was so tightly wound up in the first place, it was intoxicatingly exciting.

He could actually feel Taehyung’s efforts, the pressure loosening when he caressed Taehyung’s thigh just right, or when he had his thumb nearly pulled out all the way, but it tightened like a vice whenever Yoongi pushed in too quickly, or rubbed Taehyung’s thigh a little too far up.

“I hate you,” Taehyung breathed out after long minutes of Yoongi driving himself completely wild with the feeling of Taehyung. He’d shifted his position many times, trying to find some form of pressure against his groin, even if it was just pressing down against the heels of his feet. “Your thumbs are so big. I hate them.”

Yoongi, on the other hand, was ready to say he hated Taehyung’s voice. Why had he moaned the words out so erotically? Was he going to sound that way every time Yoongi penetrated him? He hoped not because it would be embarrassing to perpetuate Taehyung’s impression of his hair trigger.

“It’s just because you’ve never had anything inside of you, just breathe.”

He’d tried to get the words out in a composed tone, but he couldn’t help but to lower his voice when he felt Taehyung clenching around him.

“No,” Taehyung insisted, still sounding like he was going to moan every syllable out. “Your thumbs are like as long as your fingers except thicker!” Yoongi was the one to moan this time, totally embarrassed that he was finding talk about thumbs this erotic. “And your fingers are all freakishly long, especially the part after the last knuckle. And I mean, your knuckles are all so wide too. So are your fingernails. And fuck your hands are just really attractive. Yoongi.”

Yoongi looked up at the call of his name, surprised to see Taehyung’s face contorted in pleasure, eyes squeezed shut. The evidence of Taehyung working himself up just over the thought of Yoongi’s fingers — really, Yoongi’s fingers specifically, not anyone else’s — had Yoongi moving his thumb in and out at a much quicker pace. He didn’t miss it when Taehyung whined and his cock visibly twitched where it was still pressed up against his stomach, swollen and untouched.

“You really like my fingers that much?” He was gripping Taehyung’s thigh now, instead of the soft caresses he’d been maintaining. “So much so that you forget to call me hyung?”

Taehyung opened his eyes. They looked shiny, but not entirely apologetic, more feverish and pleasured than anything else.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. Please use your fingers? I really want them.”

Yoongi shook his head, nearly in disbelief that Taehyung could be acting so wildly pleasured so quickly.

He pulled his thumb out, stretched his fingers out to examine what Taehyung had meant. Maybe he’d had a point. Surely if he used his index finger it wouldn’t be too much of a step up, as long as he didn’t plunge it in all the way at once. Taehyung was calling out for him softly already, as if worried that Yoongi wouldn’t be continuing at all.

He smoothed lube over his right index finger. Penetrating Taehyung like that felt so different already; with more control and more reach. Pushing against Taehyung’s walls, curling his finger when he approached his rim, twisting his finger whenever he pushed further in, all of that felt much more purposeful with the switch of digits. The heightened control, however, only fed Yoongi’s desire to stimulate Taehyung’s prostate.

If he were being honest, it was always his favourite part when playing with himself this way. He’d considered buying a prostate massager a number of times, whenever he was particularly turned on, but in the end his busy schedule and long periods of lack of sexual appetite had kept him from doing so. It was fine, any discomfort in his shoulder from reaching behind was always forgotten in light of the bright and intense pleasure that crashed into him whenever he did reach his prostate successfully.

He wasn’t sure how easy it would be to find Taehyung’s. He’d only tried with himself, and his guide when alone really was just that powerful sexual pleasure he got from the stimulation.

He concentrated, doing his best to picture the movements he made when it was just him with his own body. Taehyung was still so tight though, and Yoongi would have to push in fully. He could only imagine that Taehyung would relax with the immense pleasure of Yoongi pressing into his prostate, he knew that was how he was anyway.

He switched to a more circular motion rather than a thrusting gesture, more determined than before to stretch Taehyung out to bring him that pleasure he always sought for himself.

“Still liking my fingers?” Yoongi asked, looking up to catch Taehyung’s avid nodding. Taehyung’s eyebrows were furrowed, as if he too were fully concentrated on Yoongi’s movements. His eyes were barely open to allow him to look down at Yoongi. Yoongi felt a little shy, and looked back down, only to feel the heat build within him at the sight of his finger, already halfway inside of Taehyung’s body. “Think you could manage if I pushed all the way inside of you?”

Taehyung’s responding moan was so vocal that he couldn’t find the courage to look away from Taehyung’s ass and the way it clung tightly to his finger. Only, there was a moment where Yoongi really felt the way Taehyung’s muscles eased and loosened around him, as if Yoongi’s request had been enough for Taehyung to completely melt and to become boneless under Yoongi’s hands.

He turned his own words over in his mind, started thinking of them in a different context, where it wasn’t just his fingers he’d be trying to push inside of Taehyung.

Thankfully, Taehyung finally answered with words, cutting off Yoongi’s daydream of sliding inside of him for the very first time.

“Yes, please. Said I wanted your fingers, not… half your fingers. They’re too fuckin’ sexy, can you just make them disappear inside of me so I don’t have to look at them anymore?”

This time, Yoongi definitely looked up, surprised and absolutely aroused by Taehyung’s forward tone and words. Of course, Taehyung’s eyes were now pointed towards the ceiling, determinedly not looking at Yoongi’s reaction.

Yoongi laughed, feeling equal parts affectionate and turned on.

“I dunno, Tae. You kind of sounded into my thumbs, too. Don’t really see myself fisting you on your introduction to anal play.”

“Hyung, I swear to god!”

Taehyung’s exasperation, his honest investment in their back and forth, worked like a charm. It felt easier for Yoongi to sink in further, and the sounds Taehyung made in return were nothing but encouraging. Determined, Yoongi fully pulled out to apply more lube, and then he was pushing again, twisting, pressing against Taehyung’s insides. He’d almost lost sight of his initial desire, until he twisted his wrist, palm upwards now, and felt the slight difference in Taehyung. As well as Taehyung’s full-bodied jolt.

Excitement rushed through him at the thought of stimulating Taehyung’s prostate, getting him off in such a breath-stopping way, the same way he could do for himself.

At first, he rubbed the spot back and forth, gentle despite the heat of the moment. Soon though, his movements became insistent, motivated by the way Taehyung’s breath kept coming out stuttered and rushed. He didn’t maintain the pressure on the spot for long, because within seconds Taehyung’s breath stopped and his body seized up entirely. His next deep breath in was almost choked on as he rushed a couple of words out.

“Hyung, no!”

Yoongi paused, alarmed and alert. However, Taehyung didn’t follow up with anything else, just leaned up on his elbows and looked down at where Yoongi’s hand disappeared, eyes wide.

Confused, he tried to reassure Taehyung.

“It’s alright. It was your prostate. You didn’t like it?”

His confusion looked almost mirrored on Taehyung’s face who, most obviously, had never stimulated himself through his prostate. He shook his head slowly, hesitantly, as if he wasn’t entirely sure if he’d liked it.

“I don’t know…” he confirmed Yoongi’s thought, voice slow and weak. “It felt like way too much. Uh…” Taehyung collapsed back down onto the mattress, no longer holding himself up onto his elbows. His voice was quiet and embarrassed when he spoke. “Honestly, kind of felt like I was going to pee all over myself.”

Yoongi’s eyes were round. He’d played with himself that way for long enough that it was almost hard to think of the first time he’d found his prostate. It was true, however, that the sensation did feel somewhat similar to the urge Taehyung had described. Yoongi was experienced enough with it to know the difference.

“Look, you probably wouldn’t… But I get where you’re coming from. People get a lot of pleasure from touching themselves there, but I won’t concentrate on it again if you prefer?”

He leaned further forward to make sure their eyes met when Taehyung nodded slowly, still looking confused, but also as undeniably worked up as he had been before.

“Will you still continue?” Taehyung requested, almost shyly.

“Of course.”

Yoongi stopped trying to map out Taehyung’s body as his own, instead he focused on the tells of his body. He quickly found out that Taehyung just liked having Yoongi’s finger inside of him. Pausing inside of him when he’d pressed in to his farthest knuckle had Taehyung shivering and momentarily tightening around his finger. Any time Yoongi pulled his finger too far back, he was already attuned and prepared to hear Taehyung’s whines of protest. Taehyung would shiver whenever Yoongi brushed against his prostate in passing, but Yoongi made sure not to press against it fully.

Eventually, Yoongi felt more relaxed in his movements, growing surer and surer of the motions Taehyung liked, of the pressure he should apply to get a positive reaction out of him. Even despite the fact that Yoongi was growing warmer and warmer with the intensity of their position. At this point, Taehyung was rarely silent, making some sort of sound for each of Yoongi’s movements. Yoongi was starting to feel like he was playing Taehyung like an instrument, and that specific thought gave him an intense rush.

Taehyung felt so patient under his hands, never squirming or pushing against Yoongi when Yoongi purposely moved slowly. But, Yoongi didn’t miss the way Taehyung's forehead was lined with sweat, the way Taehyung’s stomach muscles genuinely clenched when Yoongi pulled his finger backwards too quickly.

It was Taehyung who eventually asked for more; completely baffling Yoongi who’d almost forgotten they could speak to each other with how long he’d been quietly focused on his movements inside of Taehyung.

“Can you put more inside of me…? I want to feel more of you…”

Taehyung’s words sounded a little slurred, so Yoongi straightened up to make sure Taehyung was still well and awake. Taehyung’s face showed that he was absolutely awake, but also absolutely turned on. Yoongi hesitated, glancing down at Taehyung’s erection. He still hadn’t made any move whatsoever to touch himself.

“Do you want to touch yourself while I do maybe?”

It took some time for Taehyung to form an answer, but Yoongi waited patiently, slowly withdrawing his finger with a wet sound that felt entirely too inappropriate for the silence that had fallen now.

“Kind of feels vulgar to do it when you’re… I mean… I don’t know, I would feel weird jerking off when you’ve got your fingers in me like… yeah.”

Yoongi smiled reassuringly, feeling Taehyung’s nerves building up as he tried to explain himself.

“I could jerk off, too.” He hesitated, but then sat up properly to lift his hips and show Taehyung. “As you see, kind of feel like I’m going to explode already.”

Taehyung looked interested judging by how long his eyes stayed where Yoongi had drawn his attention to. However, he finally brought his legs down, and took a few more moments before saying anything more.

“Well, what if…”

Taehyung huffed, stopped, and started pulling at the hem of his shirt instead. Yoongi reached out to still his hands, feeling serious as he locked eyes with Taehyung.

“What do you want to do? Don’t be shy. I’m not going to do anything I don’t want to, so don’t feel bad asking for anything.”

Taehyung’s hands turned to grab Yoongi’s. They both seemed to realize that Yoongi’s right hand was still wet with lube at the same time because Taehyung’s face got redder just as Yoongi felt himself do the same.

“Well, I mean. You know how I prefer to do it…”

Taehyung moved his eyes in a way that looked significant, but Yoongi couldn’t really work out where his gaze had been directed. That was until Taehyung sat up and scooted back, and Yoongi was reminded that…

“Oh. You want to…?” He looked down at the pillow that had been elevating Taehyung’s hips, where Taehyung’s eyes had actually darted down to before.

“I mean, I know you said not to defile it, but… I mean. You can probably wash the sheet after. Or I can buy you a new one, but…” Taehyung took a deep breath, but his body was already angling itself as if he was prepared to turn over for Yoongi. “What if I turn around and straddle it, and then you finger me like that? With two fingers?”

“Ok,” Yoongi breathed out, already scooting forward, ready to push his fingers inside of Taehyung.

It was easy to forget how red-faced they both were, how mortified Taehyung probably was at having asked it all in a single go when Yoongi felt so determined to have Taehyung reach his peak. The sooner the better. He suspected that Taehyung had managed to say it because of how badly he too wanted to experience more of the feeling he’d discovered only moments ago.

He watched the golden expanse of Taehyung’s long legs as he deftly lifted himself over the pillow. He fumbled with the jar of lube when Taehyung audibly groaned as he lowered himself down, head slightly thrown back.

When Taehyung leaned his upper body down, Yoongi was left with the perfect view of Taehyung’s ass. It looked particularly shapely from behind, accentuated furthermore by the narrowness of Taehyung’s waist.

“Alright, I’ll put one finger inside again,” Yoongi checked with Taehyung as he slicked more lube onto his index and middle fingers.

Taehyung responded with a soft “please”. It was particularly effective in making Yoongi feel lightheaded, especially in combination with the way he easily spread his legs when Yoongi only slightly nudged his left thigh.

His entire finger slid in much more easily in the new position, even though Taehyung definitely didn’t feel any looser than before. He slid his finger back and forth slowly but surely, and he didn’t miss the way Taehyung hummed softly in response.

“You want a second finger?” Yoongi asked gently, leaning further forward to catch sight of the colour flooding Taehyung’s face.

The question had Taehyung’s hips stuttering down against the pillow, his first movement since he’d taken the position.

“Yeah, give it to me.”

The words felt like a direct injection of fire into Yoongi’s veins. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Taehyung, it’s fine if I jerk off, right?”

“Yes,” he answered, but sounded a little impatient. This time, when Taehyung shifted his hips, it wasn’t to rut against the pillow, but rather to move against Yoongi’s finger.

Prodding at Taehyung’s hole with his second finger, Yoongi was mildly convinced that it wasn’t going to work out. It took a lot of pushing against Taehyung’s inner walls with his index finger, and rubbing at the rim with his middle finger, for the push to finally allow the second finger inside. The moment felt incredible, especially with the deep guttural moan that escaped Taehyung.

Once he had both fingers well within Taehyung, Yoongi nearly forgot that he was supposed to show Taehyung a good time. Because Taehyung’s immediate reaction was to thrust his hips down against his pillow, Yoongi’s fingers partly slipping out, and then almost urgently shoving his hips back to engulf Yoongi’s fingers entirely.

Not for the first time, Yoongi imagined his cock replacing his fingers. Would Taehyung push back to take him all at once when Yoongi would be trying to go slow? He pressed his left palm against the front of his sweatpants, the moan escaping him sounding almost painful. Sure, Yoongi knew what he liked personally when getting himself off. Nevertheless, prior to Taehyung initiating all of this, Yoongi had never given much of a thought to what kind of partner he would prefer in bed. The eagerness and enthusiasm so clear in Taehyung’s instant reaction was mortifyingly effective on Yoongi.

It was disappointing to see Taehyung cut his movement off as abruptly as it had started. Taehyung’s hips were deadly still, his breath sounding so loud to Yoongi, and the back of his neck impressively red. Perhaps Taehyung had been embarrassed by his reaction. Yoongi thought of how still Taehyung had been on his back, how he’d never made a move to touch himself, he further wondered if Taehyung didn’t want to make the wrong move.

“Don’t worry, angel,” he told Taehyung soothingly. When the pet name registered, Yoongi parted his fingers inside of Taehyung, as if desperate for the stretch to distract Taehyung from its use. He was partly convinced it had worked as Taehyung’s hips lifted higher, Taehyung’s ass flush against his hand now. “You can rut against my pillow, and you can rock back against me too. I love it. You look unbelievable.”

He felt embarrassed by his words. It might have been their first time with Yoongi’s fingers inside of Taehyung, but they were certainly no strangers to getting off together now. And yet, being so blunt about showing Taehyung that it was the thought and the sight of him that pushed Yoongi to come completely undone; there was a slight frightening factor to that. Taehyung must not have shared that concern, or he must have been too far gone, because Yoongi’s words were quite enough to launch him into actually fucking himself back onto Yoongi’s fingers.

It was hard for Yoongi to even take in a full breath watching the motion of Taehyung’s hips, a slow arch down into the pillow and a quick snap of his hips backwards to take in Yoongi. Yoongi wasn’t even thrusting at all anymore, just curling his fingers and pressing against Taehyung’s walls whenever he moved away and scissoring his fingers inside of him whenever he was seated back fully onto Yoongi’s fingers.

The smoothness of Taehyung’s movements was captivating, completely unexpected to Yoongi who hadn’t really known what it would be like to be the first to ever penetrate Taehyung.

He was extremely thankful that he was still in the sweatpants he’d worn for rehearsals. He didn’t know if he could have handled unbuttoning or zipping anything down in that very moment. He actually hissed aloud when he pulled his cock out. The light grip alone enough for him to shake with it.

His movements over himself were more than a little awkward. He couldn’t remember ever lacking so much finesse, even as a teen when he’d heard that jerking off with his less dominant hand would feel like it was someone else doing it, and he’d clumsily tried it out. He could barely slide his fist up and down himself now. How could he concentrate on that movement when Taehyung’s hips were like wildfire. His legs were spread out so nicely, his skin looking perfect, especially covered in that light sheen of sweat. He was taking Yoongi’s fingers like he’d been waiting a lifetime to try it.

His eyes focused upwards, where Taehyung’s shirt had ridden up, giving him a clear view of the delicate shape of his waist. Yoongi was out of his mind already from the clash of pleasure and desire. And Taehyung’s accelerating movements were not helping him get a grip whatsoever.

“Taehyung,” he choked out, mesmerized by the way Taehyung’s hips faltered then. “I’m about to finish.”

“Ok,” Taehyung panted out, hips picking up in speed. “Just — can you finish on my back?”

Yoongi squeezed the base of his cock with a pained groan.

“What?”

“Want you to make me messy,” Taehyung let out simply.

Yoongi pulled his fingers out of Taehyung, still loving the way Taehyung clung to him when he tried to. Then, using his left hand, he pushed the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt all the way up beneath his armpits, and then, with quick precise movements of his right hand, he was spilling across Taehyung’s back. His cock spurted several times, as if the sight of Taehyung’s back, naked and marred by Yoongi’s cum, was an incentive to come more than usual.

His fingers tingled afterwards, unsure if he wanted to brush his fingers through the mess. Would that be too weird? But then, he noticed that Taehyung had stopped moving altogether. He reached out to flip him over by the shoulder.

Taehyung protested, “Hyung, your bedsheets, no…”

“It’s fine,” Yoongi replied, more gruffly than expected. “Didn’t you promise me new pillow sheets? Pretty sure that’ll come as a set.” He tried to say that with a lighter, more teasing tone.

It took a moment for him to realize why it was that Taehyung was soft when he turned him into view.

“When did you come?” he asked with a frown, taking stock of the traces over both Taehyung’s stomach and the now discarded pillow.

“Uhm…” Taehyung was even more red-faced than before. “When… You know. The second finger.”

Yoongi’s frown stayed in place. When he’d put his second finger inside?

“But, you were practically fucking yourself back against my fingers after that?”

He bit his lip to cut himself off, surprised that he’d spoken so crudely. Taehyung didn’t look so bothered. Though still clearly embarrassed, he was smiling sweetly now.

“Yeah, well. You were really hot. And I knew you were getting off on it…”

“You’re crazy,” Yoongi whispered, sounding as awed as he felt.

“Maybe, but… You’re going to wash me now, right? I had a stressful day, you’re not going to leave me like this are you?”

Yoongi laughed. For a solid moment, he couldn’t think of a response. He could only think of how wonderful it felt to be close to Taehyung in this way. With a certain sense of surprise, he realized how right and amazing it was to have this new addition in his life. This person who loved him and whom he loved that he could be so closely intimate with.

Yoongi was unbelievably lucky to have so comfortably wound up with this.

“You didn’t have to be a baby for me to baby you. Of course I was going to clean you up. Come on, you big baby.”

And if it took them several minutes more to actually get out of bed to head to the bathroom — because Taehyung had started kissing Yoongi passionately — then that was just part of Yoongi’s recent luck.

“Hyung…?”

Yoongi heard the word clearly now. For a moment in his dream — which had already slipped his memory — he had heard the low murmur, splintering his dream slowly as Yoongi drowsily recognized it as a sound coming from outside, from the real world. The murmur had formed no distinguishable words though, it was only now that he was able to cling onto the one syllable.

He debated with himself whether to put in the effort to wake up or whether to let himself sink back into sleep. He tried to respond to the voice, but he wasn’t sure if what left his mouth was anything coherent. He could feel himself sinking as he waited for the voice to say more.

“Are you asleep?”

He was fairly sure that voice was Taehyung’s. He stretched under the covers, opening his mouth to groan with the stretch but interrupting himself to yawn instead.

He was slow to sit up in bed, even slower to rub his eyelids with the backs of his hands, and then to finally open his eyes. The room was still pitch black. No matter, Taehyung’s silhouette was recognizable. Maybe it was the curls, or the posture, Yoongi wasn’t sure how but it was child’s play to recognize the other members. It was particularly useful on stage whenever they were all wearing the same costume and were illuminated with the same bright lighting. He was sure there would have been a lot more missteps, like not knowing who to step in front of or who to line up with, had he not known the other members’ appearances as well as he knew his own.

Taehyung… Yoongi was starting to know even better than the others. His mere presence in his dorm room had him feeling a little brighter about being pulled out of his sleep.

“S’up?” He yawned again, jaw cracking with the movement. “Can’t sleep?”

“Kind of?”

Taehyung sounded a little pained now. Yoongi yawned yet again, then leaned out of his bed to down the water there was left in his nightly glass. He was starting to feel much more awake.

Even in the dark, he could feel the nervous energy radiating from Taehyung. He still hadn’t stepped further into the room. Yoongi didn’t know what he felt hesitant about. He’d woken Yoongi in the past before to share his bed. He’d done it to just about every other member, too. There hadn’t ever been any other reason for Taehyung to seek him out in the middle of the night. No one really spoke of it, why Taehyung felt the need to sleep beside one of them if he felt stressed, sad, or missed home. It was just a trait they accepted of Taehyung, the same way they accepted every other facet of his person.

His heart ached when he considered whether Taehyung was hesitating because of the new turn they had taken together in their relationship.

He pulled his covers back on the free side of his bed and patted the mattress gently, albeit a tad sleepily.

“Come on. You can sleep with hyung.”

If possible, his heart felt heavier when Taehyung didn’t immediately jump into his bed. Fortunately, Taehyung eventually did cross the room and climbed into his bed. He watched with a smile as Taehyung settled into place, and he brought the covers up for Taehyung. Neither of them spoke, but Yoongi could see some traces of distress on Taehyung’s face once his eyes grew more used to the dark. He looked tired, maybe like he’d cried for a bit before heading into Yoongi’s bedroom.

They didn’t really need words in that moment. Yoongi turned around, back to Taehyung, fully expecting Taehyung to spoon him as he always did when they found themselves in this position.

It was a testament to Yoongi’s sleepiness that he didn’t feel Taehyung moving until Taehyung was climbing over him and trying to slip in front of Yoongi’s body instead. A risky endeavour given that Yoongi wasn’t really that far from the edge.

As soon as Yoongi scooted back, Taehyung settled down with a contented sigh, his back pressed firmly against Yoongi’s bare chest. Yoongi felt puzzled but sleepy enough that he simply leaned his forehead against Taehyung’s shoulder and closed his eyes. They could probably stand to scoot further back, Taehyung now uncomfortably close to the edge, and most of the bed vacant, but they didn’t move from the spot.

Taehyung, however, did eventually start acting restless enough that Yoongi’s cloud of sleepiness finally evaporated. He couldn’t tell if Taehyung was wiggling around, was fidgeting, or was squirming, but he definitely didn’t stay still next to Yoongi. That much was confirmed when Taehyung spoke up.

“Hug me?”

Yoongi’s response was fairly immediate. He wrapped an arm around Taehyung’s waist, though he didn’t have to pull Taehyung further in. Their bodies were already forming a single line in the bed. Yet, the addition of Yoongi’s hold seemed to have some beneficial effect because Taehyung did still his nervous movements.

“Thought you lived to hug others to sleep. You in the mood to be the little spoon now?” He felt more than saw Taehyung lift his shoulders in a heavy shrug. “Or is it that you don’t want to fall asleep?” When all he got in reply was yet another shrug, he squeezed Taehyung’s waist playfully. That elicited such a nice sounding laugh that Yoongi found himself smiling, too. “Did you want to talk?”

“Do I have to?”

“Never,” Yoongi assured him, propping his chin onto Taehyung’s shoulder. “Doesn’t mean I’m not ready to listen.”

He could tell from Taehyung’s drawn out and defeated sigh that he might have had the urge to share, but was unsure how to put the words together.

“I was just being stupid.”

It was said just petulantly enough for Yoongi to assume that Taehyung wanted to be shown that he wasn’t being stupid. Stupid or not, Yoongi was ready to be Taehyung’s sounding board.

“You’re in luck. I’m also qualified to listen to stupid thoughts. Crazy, huh?”

Taehyung offered a weak chuckle, but not much more. Eventually, Taehyung’s hands settled over Yoongi’s, where it was resting somewhere above Taehyung’s belly button. Yoongi relaxed with the motion, that was until he felt the way Taehyung traced the shape of his knuckles and he was vividly reminded of the way Taehyung had spoken of his fingers — only a couple of days ago.

“You were right. I couldn’t really fall asleep,” Taehyung whispered, though his voice went significantly quieter as he continued. “I just kept thinking of Wednesday night… And, I don’t know, I just really wanted to try it by myself.”

There went any last vestiges of Yoongi’s temptation to fall back asleep. Yoongi knew there wasn’t any way Taehyung had missed the way he’d tensed up in awareness.

“You mean you were fingering yourself… just before…?” Yoongi felt himself redden. He’d wanted to confirm, but now he just felt a little creepy asking it so directly.

However, Yoongi’s bluntness was like a trigger for Taehyung to start speaking in a more forthcoming way.

“No, I tried. And it was just awful. It felt like I needed to dislocate my shoulder to even try. There was no comfortable position, none! Even though, you know, online they said to just lie on your side. Which is awesome, that’s basically doing it in a cuddle position. But, no. It was decidedly not awesome.”

Taehyung was no longer at a whisper level whatsoever. Yoongi knew he should have been concerned what with his bedroom being smack dab in the middle between Seokjin and Namjoon’s rooms. Somehow, he was too endeared by Taehyung’s rant to mind it.

“You poor baby,” he cooed, half teasing, half coddling.

He rubbed his hand up and down Taehyung’s front, and smiled wider when he felt Taehyung’s hand clench atop his.

“I know,” Taehyung sighed, clearly missing the teasing portion of Yoongi’s words. “And like, you know, I did trim my fingernails. But I don’t think it was enough. It did not feel nice. My nails are going to have to be so short if I want to finger you. I’m so sad. I don’t think I can pull it off like you do.”

Yoongi was aware of the mild hum of arousal that buzzed through him at Taehyung’s easy mention of some day fingering Yoongi. He pushed it down in favour of reassuring Taehyung, turning his head to kiss the side of Taehyung’s neck softly.

“You could wear latex gloves, you don’t have to ruin your pretty nails for me.”

Taehyung sniffed. Yoongi laughed, impressed that Taehyung had worked himself up to the point of sniffling just from retelling his failed attempt.

“Thanks, hyung,” he sounded a little miserable about it, but he did pull Yoongi’s hand up to kiss his knuckles sweetly. “Anyway, so… Yeah, I came over because…”

“You wanted comfort?” No response from Taehyung, so he tried again. “You want me to check for rectal bleeding?”

“No!” Taehyung snapped back, sounding horrified by the suggestion. “They’re not that long! It just stung a little. It’s not like I went very deep, like I said, I had to like contort myself. I don’t know how you’ve ever done it by yourself.”

Yoongi hummed in thought.

“You wanted me to massage your butt?”

“No, hyung,” Taehyung sighed, sounding just shy of frustrated. “It’s like what Sungdeuk said that one time. You know, when Jimin slipped during rehearsal. This was like before debut, the part where he jumps over Hobi.”

“What? Taehyung, in what universe would I have any idea what you’re talking about?”

Certainly not in this one, where his mind was still unhelpfully constructing the picture of Taehyung in his own bedroom, turned on, frustrated, trying to slip his own fingers into himself in hopes that it would feel as good as Yoongi had felt.

He bit into his cheek, feeling slightly upset with his own mind. He wasn’t going to think these sorts of things with Taehyung’s back literally pressed back against him. That was too much of a dangerous game, even for Yoongi.

“He told Jimin to get right back up and to do it again. Right away. Just so that his mind wouldn’t be left with the association of the move with the fall. He said he should do it again to make sure he didn’t turn out scared of it.”

Part of Yoongi wanted to marvel at Taehyung, at the way he collected all these small memories and gave them so much importance that he could recall them without problem years later. He wanted to review these last years and think of any time Taehyung had gotten back up to repeat a step that hadn’t gone well over and over again.

He would have liked that. Instead, his mind had put the whole puzzle together. Taehyung trying by himself had been so unpleasant that he had sought Yoongi out to immediately give him a better experience.

“So you wanted me to finger you again? Right now? To make sure you’d still want to do it in the future?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung breathed out, sharply sultry when compared to his previous tone. “Only, you were really asleep, so… You know. It’s whatever.”

“Taehyung, have you…” The question died on his lips. Instead, he pushed his hand downwards along the front of Taehyung’s body; slow enough to give Taehyung every opportunity to stop his hand. He didn’t and Yoongi’s hand only stopped when it was covering Taehyung’s now painfully obvious erection. “Really? This whole time you had a boner? What, that’s why you didn’t want to spoon me?”

“Well, yeah,” Taehyung said, a little guiltily. “But also, like. I thought… if you became interested it would be easier to tempt you like this.”

“Tempt me?” Yoongi asked, doing his best to focus on finding Taehyung amusing. Difficult task when he knew he could move his hand a little lower and find proof of Taehyung’s arousal, still there. Remind himself of how Taehyung’s first reaction when aroused and unable to pleasure himself was to seek him out.

“Well, you know…”

Taehyung didn’t choose to explain, instead just backed his ass up to press directly against Yoongi, who groaned so loudly he actually wrapped a hand over his mouth in fear of other members overhearing.

Yoongi wasn’t sure if Taehyung had been planning on it or if he’d just lost focus and had gotten distracted that easily, but Taehyung didn’t pull away afterwards, instead starting to fully grind back against Yoongi — in these slow, deliberate movements. Because his hand was still on Taehyung’s front, he distinctively felt it when he arched his back.

He nearly had to fight with himself to grip Taehyung’s hips and to put a stop to Taehyung’s movements.

“Ah, Tae, I don’t know. This isn’t like a move you have to perform on stage. If you never want to do it again, that’s totally fine.”

“Don’t you want to fuck me?” Taehyung complained. It was decidedly loud enough, if either Namjoon or Seokjin were up, to be heard.

“I do.” Yoongi had to keep himself from laughing at how preposterous the question sounded, though he also had to keep himself from thinking too deeply of what it would be like to fuck Taehyung. He already thought of that much too often.

“You could fuck me now, if you fingered me.”

Yoongi thought that Taehyung certainly hadn’t needed to look over his shoulder so suggestively — the words had been plenty seductive on their own.

“While I do want to fuck you, I’m not sure I’d want us to try for the first time in the dorms…”

“Oh… Oh.” The second “oh” was much softer, as if Taehyung had just remembered why he should have been whispering. “Ah… Would you believe me if I said I kind of forgot that we were in the dorms?”

“I would easily believe that,” he said it kindly, already moving to wrap both arms around Taehyung’s waist instead of keeping him still.

He hadn’t expected for Taehyung to immediately push back against him once he’d let go. The subject of conversation certainly hadn’t left him unaffected. He felt embarrassed by it until Taehyung openly moved himself over his groin in an even slower motion than before.

“But, you could still finger me?”

Taehyung sounded eager enough that Yoongi started to question whether that Sungdeuk story had just been a front or an excuse to come ask Yoongi to pleasure him instead. If that were the case, Yoongi didn’t really feel like turning down the offer.

“Yeah, maybe…” Yoongi was surprised to hear himself sounding so hoarse. It must have been noticed by Taehyung too, because there was no denying how harshly he pressed back against Yoongi then. “Turn on the lamp, alright?”

As Taehyung leaned his body out of the bed and over the bedside table, Yoongi pressed his hands flat over Taehyung’s hips, under his pyjama pants this time. Taehyung settled back down, giving Yoongi the opportunity to take slow notice of his appearance under the faint light. His hair was messier than usual, and he found himself trying to determine on which side Taehyung had been lying when he’d tried to get his fingers inside. Taehyung looked relaxed now though, nothing close to the shy way he’d entered the bedroom earlier. With that, Yoongi pulled Taehyung’s pants down, then his underwear.

Though they fooled around fairly regularly now, it wasn’t that often that they both got so undressed; Taehyung now nearly naked in his sheets — barring his shirt — and him only in his underwear and socks.

Taehyung sprung back up, leaning out of the bed again. “Lube,” he explained shortly, opening Yoongi’s drawer and surprising him by how easily he located the bottle.

That said, when Yoongi spread Taehyung’s ass, his skin was already glistening with lube. He slid a finger in between his two cheeks, surprised at how wet Taehyung had remained. He could only imagine how liberally Taehyung must have applied it then. Or, how long he’d taken, getting more and more frustrated as he’d tried to breach himself.

“Taehyung,” he actually moaned the name out, dropping his forehead to press against the back of Taehyung’s neck. “Holy shit, you are so wet. Are you trying to kill me?”

He was growing harder by the minute and Taehyung’s responding whine did him no favours.

“No! I swear this was so unplanned. And that was like the first time this month I was going to get off without you. The world hates me.”

“Well, I love you,” Yoongi responded quickly, sliding a finger through the wetness again, already feeling a little obsessed with the sensation.

“Me too, hyung.”

Taehyung had sounded so sweet that Yoongi found himself leaning up on his elbow and crashing his lips against Taehyung’s. The kiss turned heated almost instantly, Taehyung insistently pushing his tongue into Yoongi’s mouth and Yoongi rutting his hips forward in reaction. He struggled to uncap the bottle of lube with one hand, too addicted to how Taehyung sucked on his bottom lip, licked the roof of his mouth, was all around eager to deepen the kiss in any way he knew how, to pull away from it.

It was only once Taehyung pulled away, gasping in as if completely out of breath, that he bothered to fumble further with the bottle.

He didn’t know where the urge came from. Surely a combination of how filthily wet Taehyung was and how Taehyung had proposed that Yoongi fuck him right there and then. But, once the bottle was uncapped, he really only wanted to slather his cock with the substance.

“Taehyung, can we maybe…” He groaned in frustration, not knowing how to properly word his desire, but going for it nonetheless. “Do you think I could just press against you… You know, rub myself on you until I come, like the way you do with my pillows.”

Taehyung tensed up, but also moaned so loud that, had Yoongi actually been touching him in that moment, he would have worried he’d hurt him.

Instead of immediately answering Yoongi’s request, Taehyung chose to first complain.

“You always find a way to bring that up! Always! I’m afraid of going near pillows when you’re around now. I’m not like always horny, for your information. I use pillows like respectable people do sometimes.”

His voice was just fast, high, and loud enough for Yoongi to guess that he felt a little overwhelmed with Yoongi’s request.

“You can say no.”

“I would rather die,” Taehyung replied stubbornly. Yoongi leaned over him, caught his red-faced expression and grinned to himself. Taehyung was still a little inconsistent with expressing his desires shamelessly, but they could work on that. From how things were going, it felt like Taehyung was willing to put in as much time as necessary to explore his sexuality with Yoongi.

He was generous when covering himself with the lube, and stroked himself steadily until he was fully hard. He grinned at Taehyung when their eyes met, but Taehyung looked forward at that, as if he hadn’t meant for Yoongi to see him staring so openly.

By the time he curled up behind Taehyung again, his right hand and cock were even wetter than Taehyung’s hole had been. He spread Taehyung’s cheeks apart, only slightly apologetic for the handprint of lube he left over his behind, but mostly turned on knowing he would render Taehyung a mess all over again.

Clumsily, he pushed his cock in the space between Taehyung’s cheeks, feeling as if he were about to die when the head nearly caught on Taehyung’s hole. Taehyung felt as if he were in the same boat, trembling and arching back against Yoongi silently.

Watching the head of his cock appear when he pushed up against the curve of Taehyung’s ass was easily addictive. The sensation itself was wet and hot. The knowledge of what he was doing, being so close to pushing inside of Taehyung, and of Taehyung wanting that in the very foreseeable future, had his mind veritably spinning. But, really, the visuals alone, his cock smothered by Taehyung’s round ass, was the most erotic experience of his life.

“You’re so good, Tae.”

The words were tense, squeezed out in an attempt to distract himself from crashing into his high too embarrassingly quickly. The tactic backfired. He felt it against his cock when Taehyung clenched his hole hard. And when Taehyung threw his head back to rest against his shoulder, maybe it hid the sight of his cock rutting between Taehyung’s asscheeks, but it gave him a very clear picture of Taehyung’s face. His lips looked so soft parted just so, his whole bone structure looking surprisingly delicate with the way his face had fully relaxed and flushed deeply.

“Yeah, feels good?”

Taehyung’s voice was airy, so breathy, so revealing of how the situation affected him, too; it had Yoongi utterly shuddering.

“Feels fuckin’ amazing,” he slurred out, hips now truly snapping forward. He felt a little unleashed, out of control, he shut his eyes for a brief moment, trying to picture how he could actually go through with fucking Taehyung some day without losing his mind and all basic control over his body.

“Told you…” When he opened his eyes, he found that Taehyung was now smiling. The smile was a bit blissed out and, almost predictably, Yoongi’s cock twitched at the sight. “Cuddling position… always the best.”

Yoongi buried his face in Taehyung’s neck unable to really try to banter with Taehyung in that moment. How could Taehyung so cutely bring up cuddling when Yoongi was just about ready to blow his load all over him? How could Taehyung get him going so quickly when they’d barely done anything? Wasn’t this all just a reaction to Taehyung coming to his bed hard and with his ass just about drenched?

“Tae… Tae, let me come on you again,” he breathed out, feeling desperate and like he needed Taehyung’s answer right away.

“Of course, baby.”

Taehyung followed the words with a light and playful laugh. The sound of Taehyung, so casual when Yoongi was so desperate, and the nearly natural sounding use of “baby” was Yoongi’s undoing. He pressed his teeth lightly in the space between Taehyung’s neck and shoulder, muffling the groan he let out as he let go. At some point, he’d decided he really didn’t care about spoiling the bed, or making it so they both had to take a shower afterwards. In that pure moment of pleasure, all that had really mattered was his release. And now, all that really mattered to him was Taehyung’s.

He pulled back just long enough to admire where his cum had landed on Taehyung, but was already pulling Taehyung by his shoulder and hip to have him turn and face him. The bedsheets pooled just underneath Taehyung’s thighs, giving Yoongi a clear view of how his arousal hadn’t waned at all.

“Tae, what do you want?”

Somehow, he hadn’t crashed at all with his orgasm. He was keyed up, maybe even more desperate to see Taehyung come undone, too. Taehyung who’d come to his bedroom feeling frustrated, and hadn’t said a word when Yoongi had chosen to get off before him. Yoongi had barely given a thought to it before, too lost in his own pleasure. Now, he was driving himself crazy, wanted to give Taehyung anything he wanted. He’d even stopped caring that they were in the dorms. Under normal circumstances, Yoongi probably would have scoffed at the idea of getting it on with Taehyung there. Though it was his second home, in reality it did feel like a work building to Yoongi. In that moment, however, he was just about ready to go pleasure Taehyung in the living room, if he were to ask for that.

Taehyung didn’t ask for that. In fact, he didn’t seem to be able to answer with anything.

“Well… I don’t know.” He looked a little bashful. His smile honest in a way that told Yoongi he wasn’t trying to find a way to avoid sharing. “That was pretty hot. I don’t know if I can really think straight right now.” He chuckled again, though Yoongi caught the way Taehyung’s hands wandered lower, hesitant, as if he wanted to touch himself, but couldn’t bring himself to with Yoongi’s eyes on him.

“You were so good, I’ll give you anything.” Yoongi found that he felt as turned on as before, though the thought of getting hard again was much too exhausting to even consider. Nevertheless, he was ready to shower Taehyung with praise, to do anything to help him reach his own peak.

“Hyung, I don’t know.” Taehyung was definitely back to frustrated, slumping down against the mattress a little sadly. “Just want to get off,” he admitted softly.

“Ok.” What would he want to do right now if he were actually hard again? The image of sliding his cock against Taehyung earlier felt imprinted in his mind’s eye. Honestly, he’d want something like that again. “Ok, pass me the lube.” Once the lube in hand he flopped onto his back, turning to Taehyung again. “Pass me a pillow, too.”

Taehyung did it, but it was a little begrudgingly.

“Hyung. I don’t need a pillow to get off. This is starting to feel a little mean.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes, and promptly laughed at Taehyung’s expression when he saw hat Yoongi was sliding the pillow beneath his own hips.

“Not for you, you baby,” he teased softly as he poured more lube onto his hands.

They’d used a shocking amount tonight. He’d probably need to stock up soon. Maybe they should start using all of that lube Taehyung had initially bought. For now, he was spreading the lube along his inner thighs. He was fairly sure he was using too much, but he remembered how exciting it had been to feel Taehyung as wet as he had been earlier, and was hoping it would be the same for Taehyung.

“I, uh… I… You want me to…”

“Fuck my thighs,” Yoongi completed when it looked like it would be impossible for Taehyung to say anything more.

“But, I… You know, like. I’ve never fucked, so…”

Taehyung was adorably hesitant, but Yoongi was ready to build his confidence up, too invested to watch silently as Taehyung talked himself out of finding pleasure in Yoongi’s body.

“You fucked yourself on my fingers the other day,” Yoongi replied patiently, ignoring the scandalized gasp from Taehyung. “And if something goes horribly wrong, maybe it’s better now than when you’re trying to fuck my ass.”

Taehyung whined, the sound so familiar to Yoongi’s ears now that he found himself smiling dopily.

“How can you talk so crudely, hyung?” he said plaintively, though he did accept the bottle of lube when Yoongi handed it back.

Thankfully, he started spreading lube over his cock without further incitement from Yoongi, who could just watch on excitedly at this point.

“It’s your fault,” Yoongi confessed, surprised at his sudden forwardness. “You know, I never thought of being with anyone before all of this. But, I kind of feel like trying everything with you now. Can’t really have that if I don’t tell it to you straight, can I?”

“Really?” Taehyung seemed oddly sincere too, despite the fact that he was still jerking off lazily, scooting in closer to Yoongi; so slowly it was as if he didn’t realize he was moving forward. “You like it with me then? The stuff so far?”

Yoongi wanted to dismiss the question as ridiculous, didn’t really feel like entertaining it with a real answer. However, he could tell Taehyung was honestly worried, nervous. Yoongi wasn’t sure why. He wondered what kind of thoughts Taehyung was having that would make him doubt that Yoongi wasn’t having the time of his life with him. He reached his hand out to hold Taehyung’s free one. Both their hands were wet and sticky with lube, but Yoongi didn’t mind at all.

“Before… I probably would have said ‘yes’ had any other member been feeling the way you did and had wanted to try something like this. Now, I really don’t think I could get it up for anyone but you, Tae.”

He waited for Taehyung to scold him for making even that sound crude. Instead, Taehyung nodded resolutely, a pleased air to him as he slipped his hand away from Yoongi’s.

“Alright, how should we do this…?”

In the end, and after a bit of awkward manoeuvring, Yoongi had his thighs up perpendicularly, his calves curving towards Taehyung, and ankles thrown over his shoulder. For all of Taehyung’s hesitation, Yoongi wasn’t really sure either what to do to make it feel good for Taehyung, aside from keeping his thighs tightly together.

His worries were fairly quick to vanish. Honestly, it even excited him to watch as the head of Taehyung’s cock touched his skin. Taehyung, however, looked as if he were about to faint when he managed to squeeze his cock between Yoongi’s wet thighs. In no time, Taehyung had his arms wrapped around Yoongi’s legs almost lovingly.

Yoongi watched, transfixed, as Taehyung’s cock popped past his thighs and disappeared between them again. He felt a little self-interested now, as if he’d been fulfilling his own fantasy by offering this to Taehyung. That was forgotten easily too because when he looked up, he saw the way Taehyung had pressed his cheek against his ankle, and how Taehyung had squeezed his eyes shut, as if unable to handle the sensory overload. Taehyung’s pace remained steady, as if he were forcing himself to move precisely. That wouldn’t do.

“Come on, Tae. Let go, give it to me. I want to see you come.”

His eyebrows went up at how Taehyung whimpered lowly, but then any subsequent thought was lost to the way Taehyung started moving at a furious pace. Yoongi squeezed his thighs closer together, moaning at the slide of Taehyung between them. He had a passing thought of wanting to bring Taehyung more pleasure, thinking of reaching up to pinch his nipples, but he could hardly coordinate his movements now that he was being rocked back and forth by Taehyung’s forceful ones.

Taehyung climaxed sooner than Yoongi would have expected. He stared down, a bit awed to see that Taehyung had released onto his skin in such a way that it had nearly reached his neck.

He almost missed the way Taehyung vaulted out of his bed, as if panicked, and quickly returned with the box of tissues Yoongi kept on his desk.

“Oh my god, you must be so mad,” Taehyung bemoaned, wiping at Yoongi’s chest area urgently.

Yoongi thought over it for a moment. The actual concept itself was pretty revolting. This sort of position, where he’s covered in someone else’s bodily fluids, was straight out of his nightmares. Right now, he couldn’t really find that he minded. He liked seeing Taehyung covered in his or his own, for some reason, but he didn’t really get particularly excited knowing it was Taehyung’s on him now. That said, he wasn’t exactly bothered either. He was just happy to have been there and to have helped Taehyung feel so good.

The time it took for Yoongi to reach that conclusion must have been too long because when he refocused, Taehyung had already cleaned up where the cum had landed, and was busy wiping the lube off his thighs. His eyes were noticeably teary.

“Hey, Tae…”

Taehyung hiccoughed in response, manoeuvring Yoongi’s legs as if trying to hide behind them.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, almost lamentably.

“I’m not mad,” Yoongi tried to sound reassuring, but Taehyung still didn’t show his face. “It’s not my favourite, and I feel like I’ll make you wear a condom forever if you want inside of me, but… Please look at me. I’m not disgusted.”

Taehyung brought Yoongi’s legs back down, looking hesitant, but less distraught. Yoongi thought of how Taehyung’s back hadn’t been cleaned up earlier at all. He reached his arms out, not saying a word, but happy when Taehyung understood and cuddled him close.

“You said you wanted to see me, and I don’t know… I like forgot I should like, not do it on you.”

Yoongi laughed, impressed that he was able to follow Taehyung’s train of thought, even with Taehyung leaving so many words out.

“I kind of also forgot, you know? I really did want to see you come. You were so good for me,” he told him sweetly, caressing his face until Taehyung’s worried expression faded.

“That’s all that matters.”

Taehyung’s words were soft, but they felt like they should have rung as odd to Yoongi. Surely that couldn’t be all that mattered to Taehyung, Yoongi knew it wasn’t. But, now that they were both in post-orgasmic bliss, Yoongi could hardly figure that out. He shut his eyes, hoping he could pull himself from the clutches of sleep long enough to make sure they cleaned up before both falling asleep.

He had probably built this moment up too much in his mind, given it too much importance and emphasis. It was hard not to when he knew it really was that big and important to Taehyung.

Personally, he hadn’t really seen himself or Taehyung as virgins ever since they’d first had their hands on each other and had brought each other to orgasm. They hadn’t really had that talk, but he was quite sure that Taehyung instead saw this moment as the actual loss of his virginity.

Subconsciously, he’d gone out of his way to make the encounter more special than previous times they’d been together. For one, they were finally meeting at Taehyung’s apartment instead of his own.

Not to say they hadn’t upped the number of times they found themselves rolling in bed together in one of their dorm rooms. There were high chances the other members had started suspecting what was going on between the two of them behind the scenes. Any comment directed towards Taehyung about his sexual escapades was now frequently accompanied by pointed looks towards Yoongi. He ignored those easily enough. In a continuously surprising development, Taehyung had become quite closed-off in face of those comments too, hardly ever playing along. Maybe now that he actually had something to keep private, he was more willing to set down his boundaries.

Not to say either that Taehyung didn’t look like he was totally in his element when coming over to Yoongi’s place. Yoongi often found himself touched to discover that Taehyung knew where everything was in his kitchen, or when Taehyung would come over with a present he thought would fit the apartment’s decor well, or when Taehyung asked to “go home” when they had agreed ahead of time to spend the night at his place.

Today, he’d wanted to bring Taehyung as much comfort as possible, to at least put him in an environment where he could ask Yoongi to leave, but now Yoongi felt a little overwhelmed with how everything was so distinctively Taehyung’s here. Taehyung moved around with even more ease than he did when he was at Yoongi’s. It was appealing in a way Yoongi hadn’t expected.

Aside from that, they’d spent a long evening last week reviewing Taehyung’s initial purchases from months prior. They’d selected what kind of lube Taehyung liked the best — which had turned into an extended testing period that had almost sidetracked their entire night. Yoongi had chosen the condoms he preferred, and Taehyung had given him the green light, but not without raising a passionate case for Yoongi to go without one instead. Yoongi had insisted that they pick out condoms for Taehyung too, just in case there was a last minute change of plan.

They’d talked through every detail patiently. From Taehyung jokingly requesting for them to do it in a spooning position — and Yoongi actually giving it serious thought and deeming it a pretty great idea — to Yoongi asking for them to be completely naked for once.

That would have probably been enough to spike Yoongi’s nerves. Only, it also felt like Taehyung had gone above and beyond. Taehyung’s place was more than spotless, his bedding smelled and felt freshly washed, and he’d even lit a couple of candles on his desk.

All these small gestures, how seriously they spoke with each other about the event, had stressed Yoongi. He’d felt better once they had started kissing, the gesture so familiar between them, an endless source of comfort and intimacy. He’d lost himself in Taehyung’s lips and the feel of his body, until the thought of where they’d decided the night would progress to had floated away.

It was crashing back into him now. He could hear one of Taehyung’s playlists from the speakers in the living room, and he felt tempted to ask Taehyung to turn it off. What if Yoongi did something wrong or just wasn’t what Taehyung had imagined when he’d thought of this moment? What if the experience ruined whatever music was playing?

Taehyung himself was a vision and — for the very first time — Yoongi wondered if he was worthy to even come in close to him. They were lucky enough to have had two days of rest imposed by management. Thus, instead of nighttime, like most of their rendezvous, they were in broad daylight. Taehyung’s beautiful skin was illuminated by the mid-afternoon sun, his form proudly curled over the covers rather than underneath. Yoongi felt a little dizzy.

The position shouldn’t have been intimidating, it was one of Taehyung’s favourites. The combination of sexual pleasure and the comfort of cuddling a sure way of winning Taehyung’s favour. It reminded Yoongi of the way he’d clutched a pillow to his chest the very first time they had explored something like this together.

He was a little too caught up in the moment, his hand around himself, and Taehyung’s hole just a few centimetres forward — already dripping and loose from a solid hour of playing around. He missed the way Taehyung tried to catch his attention until he’d in fact wrapped a hand around Yoongi’s wrist. Taehyung had blindly reached back and Yoongi shivered with the thought that he could have accidentally gripped him instead of his wrist. Even though he’d had Taehyung’s hands on his cock more times than he could count now.

“Hyung, wait…” Yoongi held his breath, unsure if he was hoping that Taehyung would back out of it. Up until now, the thought of Taehyung changing his mind had felt like it would come as a relief, but suddenly he felt saddened, as if the time had been absolutely right and that this was exactly what they had been meant to be doing on their day off. “Are you sure you want to put a condom on?”

Yoongi released his breath, relaxing further than before, amused that Taehyung was bringing the topic up yet again.

“I still think you might have an unpleasant surprise. Don’t want the first time to end up grossing you out because of leakage and clean-up and stuff.” Taehyung was already protesting, but Yoongi continued on patiently. “Next time, alright?” He’d assumed a next time because, by now, they’d spoken of so many other ways of having sex, and so many still untouched fantasies, it only seemed like the natural order of things to Yoongi. “Besides, I already put it on.”

Taehyung pulled his hand away, turning his head to gape at Yoongi.

“What? Already? But, I gave it to you like ten seconds ago?” He furrowed his eyebrows, looking a little suspicious. “You’re really sure this is your first time doing this?”

Yoongi leaned in, kissed the tip of Taehyung’s nose. Taehyung’s expression darkened, but Yoongi’s brightened. Their easy, natural interactions — the same in bed as they would be at work or in their private lives — had a way of slowly deconstructing his stress.

“I’ve used condoms before. With my sex toys, remember?”

Taehyung blinked at him slowly, then turned around to bury his face in the pillow he was hugging — they’d discussed that, too. Taehyung had sincerely asked Yoongi not to make fun of him for it, but had wanted to have a pillow to cling onto while they did this.

Taehyung’s words came out muffled, but perfectly recognizable.

“Really? You’re so neat. Why is it that you always mess me up?”

“You’re cute when messy,” Yoongi offered simply, not willing to look into any deeper reason. Scooting in closer, he gripped Taehyung’s hip harshly enough to make the curves of his behind just that much more pronounced. “You still want to?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re still feeling relaxed and wet?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll tell me if anything feels wrong or if you want it differently?”

“Oh my god, hyung, yes. Would you just put it in? It looked so weird with the condom on. Put it in so I don’t have to see it again.”

Just like that, Yoongi was busy laughing when he finally allowed himself to touch the head of his cock to Taehyung’s hole. The laugh was short-lived, stuttering to a stop when the feeling finally registered. His hand was tight around the base as he slowly circled Taehyung’s rim. Taehyung didn’t ask him again to put it inside, but Yoongi was completely invested in the way that he hummed, maybe sighed, maybe moaned into the pillow, eyes fluttering shut with Yoongi’s slow pace.

When he finally pressed inside, Yoongi was completely sucked in by the way Taehyung easily swallowed the head. So much so that he had to pull out and watch the rim stretch around him as he did, just to push in again — just as shallowly. This continued for a few moments, his skin burning with the sensation of being just inside of Taehyung, and yet crawling with the anticipation of pushing all the way inside. The long-held fantasy of sheathing himself inside of Taehyung to feel that tight heat encompassing him entirely.

He startled when Taehyung punched the pillow in frustration.

“Hyung!” he whined loudly. “I know you well enough to know that damn well isn’t your entire dick. What, were you going to fuck me like that and think I wouldn’t notice because I haven’t been fucked before?”

He laughed again, even though the edge of desperation in Taehyung’s voice was astoundingly alluring.

He smoothed a hand over the curve of Taehyung’s side and waist, pressing a soft kiss to the nape of Taehyung’s neck until the other felt as if he’d settled down.

He was too embarrassed to admit that he hadn’t been trying to take it slow in that moment; he’d just wanted to burn the image of his cock breaching Taehyung for the very first time into his memory.

“Did you want more?” he tried to ask casually, though he was well aware that it had come out breathless.

Taehyung let out a sound of frustration, and the way it was strangely muffled was the only reason Yoongi leaned up to take notice of the fact that Taehyung had bit into the pillow. He felt endeared, and as if, impossibly, he’d hardened even further from the sight alone.

Judging by how long it took for Taehyung to give him some sort of answer, he was willing to bet he’d thought the question was rhetorical and had only bothered to entertain it once he’d realized Yoongi really wasn’t moving forward.

“I want all of you.”

It was said in such a sincere and vulnerable way that Yoongi was nearly more moved than he was aroused by it. The scales tipped towards arousal when the words were accompanied by the shift of Taehyung’s hips. Rocking backward just slightly enough for him to swallow another inch of Yoongi.

Yoongi let out a groan, built up somewhere low in his throat. It felt nearly impossible not to draw back and plunge in fully into Taehyung. Nevertheless, he stayed put, fingers curling tightly over Taehyung’s waist.

“You can have all of me,” Yoongi offered, voice sounding both weak yet intense.

When he pulled only slightly back, Taehyung’s hips drew further back, as if connected. It was almost imperceptible, but Taehyung had sunken further down onto Yoongi. To Yoongi, it felt like a bit of a callback to the first time he’d fucked Taehyung with his fingers, and it had been more Taehyung pushing back against Yoongi than it had been Yoongi thrusting forward.

With a significant effort to concentrate, Yoongi started moving his hips, but still shallowly, not daring to sink any deeper than how far Taehyung had gone by himself. There was no complaint from Taehyung at first, who seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the sensation, his body rocking softly with the movement. Yoongi wasn’t quite sure what had caused him to catch on, if it had only been something he’d realized with the passing of time, but he was incredibly thankful when Taehyung looked back at him with a playful glare. He wasn’t sure if he could have really kept that up without just finally fully thrusting inside.

“I see how it is,” Taehyung grumbled.

He was surprised when Taehyung grabbed his hand and pulled it forward until Yoongi had his arm wrapped around him instead, and only then did he start meeting Yoongi’s thrusts. Pushing back onto Yoongi steadily, taking him deeper and deeper as the minutes passed. It was heaven to Yoongi, Taehyung setting his pace in his own way, and him forcing himself to control his thrusts just so. It became increasingly harder even as Taehyung pushed further and further back. Eventually, Yoongi found himself with his entire front plastered against Taehyung’s back, both arms now wrapped around Taehyung’s torso. His mouth latched onto Taehyung’s shoulder for no particular reason other than he had wanted his mouth on Taehyung and that had been the closest spot within reach. Taehyung’s sweat both on his tongue and all along his body was something more attractive than repulsive; unlike what he would have thought it to be months ago.

He shuddered with that thought, entirely conscious of their deep connection, and suddenly feeling so fulfilled by the physical translation of that connection.

He hadn’t even noticed that he was getting so close to filling Taehyung entirely until his hips bruisingly crashed into the meat of Taehyung’s ass. Even then, he ground his hips against Taehyung, as if wanting to push further in though there was nowhere to go. He tightened his hold around Taehyung, but moaned surprisingly high when Taehyung responded by tightening his muscles around his cock.

“How’s it feel?” he breathed out against Taehyung’s shoulder.

Though he didn’t wait for Taehyung’s answer. Taehyung’s back was arched so beautifully, his hips angled in such a way that his ass was presented so perfectly for Yoongi to focus entirely on pounding into his hole. Taehyung didn’t manage to stop the roll of his own hips entirely, but Yoongi could feel the effort he was putting in trying to stay put for Yoongi, trying to take what Yoongi decided to give him for now. That thought made Yoongi’s throat dry and his thrusts just that bit more uncontrolled.

Nevertheless, though moving through Taehyung’s wet heat felt like his new life calling, when Taehyung spoke it was like a life ring sent to him. He would have clung onto anything Taehyung would have said, no matter what.

What Taehyung actually said, heavily laced with deep satisfaction, exceeded all of Yoongi’s expectations.

“So good, Yoongi. Like you’re so deep. Don’t stop.”

The last words had been almost hushed. Yoongi’s stomach tensed up. He didn’t know if he could deliver on the “not stopping” bit. He was just so close to Taehyung. He could feel him all around him, yet at the same time there he was caught in his arms. Their breaths and heartbeats were almost synched with Yoongi’s chest pressed so firmly against Taehyung’s back. It felt like he could feel Taehyung’s heart beating through his back and right through his own chest.

He wished they were facing each other, even though he was more than satisfied with the position they had taken. Still, he pressed urgent kisses against Taehyung’s ear until he got the message and finally angled his head back so that their mouths could crash together. It was like that, hold firmly unmoving around Taehyung’s middle, tongue pushing farther into Taehyung’s mouth, and pressed completely inside of Taehyung — so addicted to the depth that his thrusts were nearly non-existent, not daring to pull back in any significant way — that Yoongi tipped over the edge.

With a stubborn energy that impressed even himself, Yoongi never pulled away from the kiss, even as he felt his body shaken with spasms from his orgasm. And even afterwards, Taehyung’s body didn’t feel too hot or too wet with sweat against his. He wanted to keep Taehyung close, even after that. It was only when Taehyung started grinding back against him, probably incited by Yoongi’s lack of movement, that Yoongi hissed painfully and withdrew slowly.

Despite attempts to rid himself of the condom and to tie it off before Taehyung could flip over, he was unsuccessful. He’d done it in the past after using a fleshlight, but he felt stressed now, didn’t want Taehyung to look at him while he was holding up his own body fluids. That shame faded when Taehyung giggled happily at the sight.

“Oh, thank god. So you really haven’t done this before, huh?” Taehyung teased him with a giddy smile.

Despite his playfulness, he reached out to try to help Yoongi. He didn’t know how they could both be so dextrously challenged, but they eventually pulled it off. It was Taehyung too who threw it out and came back to bed with one of the towels they’d set aside for afterwards. He wiped Yoongi’s cock clean carefully. Then, Yoongi pushed him back onto the mattress and wiped any excess lube from where it was dripping between Taehyung’s thighs. The position, when he lifted Taehyung’s legs up to best help him clean up, did nothing to hide how flushed and hard Taehyung’s cock remained.

He brought his legs back down, and blushed under Taehyung’s fond stare. Taehyung always had such impressive self-control, never asked for more than he was given, never seemed concerned when it was Yoongi who reached climax first.

“Taehyung,” Yoongi started hesitatingly, putting his hands down over Taehyung’s thighs. Taehyung’s thighs never seemed all that slim, but like this, Yoongi’s hands covered them so nicely. “Can I try putting my lips on you?”

He was surprised by his request. They hadn’t planned that when they’d spoken of today. However, the urge to feel close to Taehyung in new ways was still well and alive within him.

So Taehyung’s choked “Yes” was all that he needed to allow himself to dip down. He really did just press his mouth to him at first. Pressing a wet, somewhat filthy kiss to the base of his cock before pushing his mouth up his length, bottom lip catching and dragging against the heated flesh.

For all the self-control Taehyung had, his hips definitely lifted up at the new sensation. The sound that escaped Taehyung was something that was confused and surprised, yet infinitely pleased.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling the urge to wrap his lips around someone’s cock. Notably, when watching porn, he’d always skipped any scenes featuring oral sex. The thought of kissing someone had had him slightly grossed out, pressing his lips further south seemed much worse. Now, however, it was exciting to suck on the head of Taehyung’s cock. Nothing more for now. He just wanted part of Taehyung inside of him, the same way he’d been inside Taehyung moments ago.

It didn’t taste like much of anything. Not all too different from the rest of Taehyung’s skin. The shape and feel of it was a little foreign, definitely heavy. Above everything else, however, he felt so happy when he sucked particularly hard or when he hummed around the head to hear Taehyung’s almost distressed sounds of pleasure.

The sounds were so addictive, in fact, that the urge to do more than simply have his mouth on Taehyung grew. He pushed his tongue further out, tracing it just below the head, where he already knew Taehyung was as sensitive as he was. When it felt like there was too much saliva pooling in his mouth, he pushed down, taking just a bit more of Taehyung inside. Taehyung, in response, sounded as if he could barely breathe at all.

He knew Taehyung wasn’t deep within him at all, and yet his mouth felt so full. He tried bobbing his head for a few beats. It was an odd sensation, but Taehyung’s blissed out sighs and soft moans were more than worth it. When he pulled off completely, accompanied by a wet pop, he actually had to crack his jaw. As for Taehyung’s cock, it was glistening with Yoongi’s saliva. Something he might have never wanted to see before, but suddenly felt very satisfying. He opened his mouth wide again, had to keep himself from smiling when Taehyung actually swore out loud at the action, and took Taehyung back inside.

Taking all of Taehyung in sort of felt like a pipe dream, so eventually he wrapped his fist around Taehyung, covering the portion he couldn’t reach. That particular motion felt a little more like second nature by now. He knew the right grip for Taehyung, knew the exact way he should flick his wrist to make Taehyung see stars. That familiarity, combined with his exploring of how to best hollow his cheeks, where to press his tongue against, how quickly he should move his mouth over Taehyung — it all made the experience of bringing Taehyung to orgasm all that more exhilarating.

Eventually, Taehyung was crying about being close, but Yoongi hadn’t really needed the vocal indication. He could feel it when Taehyung went as taut as a bowstring beneath him. He’d pulled off, but not before ducking down to press a wet, open-mouthed kiss to the base of his cock again.

He pulled back, pressing the heel of his hand down against Taehyung’s cock just as he spurted his release. For once, Yoongi had picked up the towel quickly and had wiped away the mess before Taehyung could even crash down from his high.

This, the after, they hadn’t discussed. And yet, it felt so natural to tuck Taehyung into his bed, and to slip in after him. For a long time, they stayed still, silently catching their breath, barely touching at all. Taehyung didn’t need any prompting to eventually put his head over Yoongi’s shoulder. He didn’t move to establish any more physical contact after that, so Yoongi found himself pulling Taehyung in closer by the hip.

When he looked down, Taehyung’s eyes were shut. However, even with his eyes hidden away, Yoongi could still sense a certain air of sadness to him.

“Still good?” Yoongi asked when the aura became too heavy for his liking.

“Yeah,” Taehyung whispered back, though his eyes looked slightly wet when he blinked them open. “Just trying not to think of what my family would think of me.”

Yoongi brought a hand up to softly pet Taehyung’s hair. It felt a little tangled after all of that. Hopefully they could take a bath together or something later. He continued the soothing motion until he felt that Taehyung’s breath had completely evened out.

“We both agreed to make each other feel good, and we both love each other.” He paused, licked his lips as he thought the words over. He didn’t want to overstep, but he also didn’t want Taehyung to sink into a negative spiral so quickly. “Does that really sound like it lacked so much in purity to you?”

A silence followed, but not an uncomfortable one.

When Taehyung answered, he didn’t look all that sad anymore. 

“No. We worked really hard to make each other comfortable. And it did feel good…”

There was a slight sigh hanging on Taehyung’s lips, and Yoongi could understand that it really had been a big step for Taehyung.

He pulled Taehyung in closer. He was still petting Taehyung’s hair when he realized that he had fallen asleep.

“Are you sure this is fine?” Taehyung fussed behind him.

Yoongi pressed a cheek down against the mattress with a sigh. He was already sore from being on his knees and Taehyung hadn’t even started fucking him. Maybe he should have started on his back while Taehyung had fingered him. Now, he was just too stubborn to move out of the position.

“Yeah, just help me clean it out right after.”

He grimaced when imagining the aftermath of tonight.

The more time passed, the less firsts Yoongi could imagine. This, however, was still a first. Taehyung had always worn a condom before. It wasn’t like that the other way around. Taehyung had been so sure, even on his second time, that he wanted to feel all of Yoongi, and to feel what it would be like to have Yoongi make a mess of his insides for once. That had been hard to argue with.

For Yoongi, however, the thought of having cum leaking out of his ass wasn’t particularly sexy. Recently, he’d started thinking of experiencing it, at least just once, to see if the difference Taehyung always raved on about really did exist.

“I could pull out before I finish,” Taehyung proposed.

At this point, Yoongi almost felt as if he were stalling. Taehyung’s cock was already pressed up close against him. He was just waiting for Taehyung to push into him. That’s all that was left to do. Yoongi was already wet, opened up, just waiting for Taehyung patiently.

“I actually doubt you could. But, either way, I’m cool with it. I want to experience it. Just take care of me afterwards, alright?”

Maybe that had come out prompter than intended, but Yoongi was done playing games. He practically felt as if he needed Taehyung inside of him.

That need fled him as if it was nothing at all as soon as he realized there was something wrong. Instead of pressing forward, he heard the unmistakeable sound of Taehyung sitting down. He turned around, ready to be upset about holding this position all this time for nothing, but then he caught sight of Taehyung, sitting back on his heels with something like a terrified expression colouring his features.

“Tae?” he asked unsurely. He sat up in the bed, feeling just a little uncomfortable from how much lube they had applied and feeling it leak back out onto the covers. Taehyung didn’t look much better off though, body still clearly worked up despite his conflicted expression. “What’s wrong? Talk to me. We can stop, don’t make that face…”

“Hyung,” Taehyung whined, though it was nothing like the whine Yoongi knew so well and enjoyed so often. “I’m sorry. There’s something I’ve been keeping from you.”

Taehyung wasn’t looking at him anymore, his eyes aimed somewhere off to the side, or maybe to the floor. Yoongi noticed the slight curl of his hands, and was more than a little confused by just how ashamed Taehyung sounded.

Someone confessing to something just before having unprotected sex wasn’t Yoongi’s idea of the best presage. Had he been about to make a big mistake?

“What? If you’ve been having sex with someone else, then, yeah, I think we should go with the condom,” he replied somewhat tensely. He’d aimed for casual. Unfortunately, it didn’t exactly come through as such.

“What? Of course I didn’t!”

Yoongi couldn’t help but to cringe at Taehyung’s loud and defensive retort.

“Look, I have no right to be angry if you were. I know you’re just getting comfortable with your sexual side, and there’s a lot you want to explore. But, you shouldn’t keep it from me, especially if we’re having unprotected sex.”

It wasn’t meant to be accusing, just an opening for Taehyung to take — only because Yoongi hadn’t understood what else Taehyung would have wanted to admit to in that moment. He had of course been assuming that Taehyung was only seeing him. Especially because, earlier that week, he’d overheard Taehyung telling Jimin he’d only had one sexual partner. Yoongi hadn’t caught the rest of the conversation, but had safely assumed it was Taehyung taking a first honest stand against the assumptions forced upon him.

And Yoongi had been a bit like that, also just assuming Taehyung wasn’t busy with anyone else but him. Nonetheless, he realized they’d never had the discussion, had never talked about things like being exclusive. The starting point, after all, had just been to find out what sex was like.

Despite all of that, he realized quite quickly that those had not been the right words to say. Taehyung looked much more upset now. The traces of arousal that had still been so obvious were starting to drain out of Taehyung, skin losing its flush, eyes growing a little dull, posture slumping.

At this point, his expectation was that they could pick up what they were doing on another date instead. They’d clean up together and sit down and talk it out for now. His expectation hadn’t been for Taehyung to shift away, trying to collect his clothes from the bedroom floor.

“I’m just going to go home,” Taehyung said, much too sadly to Yoongi’s ears.

“Home? What do you mean?” He watched, grimacing for Taehyung, as the other pulled his boxers on, the lube coating him staining the fabric. “Can we talk about it? I’m sorry for suggesting that that’s what you wanted to say. I didn’t know what else you would’ve been keeping from me that you would need to mention right before… that.”

Taehyung sat down on the edge of the bed, pants only pulled up over his knees. The look he gave Yoongi was painfully guilty.

Yoongi still would have liked to have cleaned himself up, maybe also put his underwear on to match Taehyung, but he remained silent, too worried that Taehyung would bolt instead of sharing.

“I… I didn’t keep it from you during sex before. I mean, this is the first time we do something since I found out, so… I still should have said something earlier, I’m sorry. But, it’s the first time. I didn’t know before.”

Taehyung was heartbreakingly panicked in that moment. Yoongi couldn’t begin to imagine what this was about, but he chose to take a seat next to Taehyung. Naked, with wet thighs and all; he didn’t think Taehyung was in the kind of mindset to think of those details or even notice them at all.

“You can tell me now,” he encouraged softly.

It felt as if Taehyung deflated next to him, posture crumpling as his head landed heavily into his hands. He didn’t know if he should have hesitated to touch him instead, but Yoongi found himself rubbing a hand up and down Taehyung’s back gently.

“I’m really sorry, hyung. I think there’s something wrong with my brain. Like, it’s just stupid… I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“You can tell me,” Yoongi repeated, alarm and concern growing equally strong inside of him.

“I didn’t mean for it… but… I think I still associate sex to like this idea of true love, you know?”

Yoongi remembered as much. Taehyung confessing that he hadn’t minded waiting for marriage, had been excited to share a new part of himself with his true love one day.

Yoongi wasn’t quite following now. Had Taehyung grown resentful towards Yoongi because he’d realized this had been a part of himself he hadn’t wanted to share with Yoongi.

Or… was Taehyung saying something else completely?

“What’s the problem, Tae?”

“Well…” Taehyung started weakly, finally pulling himself away from his hands. “This is pretty casual, right? It’s like you said, you were doing this because you wanted me to get comfortable and experience stuff or something. Because that’s what I asked for, after all.”

Yoongi, heart speeding up, reached out his hand towards Taehyung’s, waited patiently until it was Taehyung who grabbed Yoongi’s hand. His hold was firm, maybe as if he were scared of saying more.

“Did you want to ask for something different now?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung croaked out sadly. “Yeah, I just want to have sex with you. I’m not interested in anyone else. I wish… I wish we could be a couple.”

Yoongi laughed softly, but even that didn’t seem to pull Taehyung out from his sudden cloud of angst.

“Oh, Taehyung,” he said sweetly, cupping his face to turn Taehyung towards him. “Listen, I kind of figured that’s where we were naturally heading. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything about it.”

“Heading where?” Taehyung asked, still looking as miserable as before.

Yoongi took a moment to lean in and kiss Taehyung’s lips. Taehyung’s reaction was natural now, moving his lips against Yoongi’s effortlessly. Yoongi pulled back after a moment, lips quirked upwards.

“To being a couple. I mean, we didn’t just have sex once. We’re intimate almost whenever the schedule allows it.”

“But…”

“And I like being with you. So much. And it always seemed like you felt the same.”

Taehyung finally seemed to snap out of his sudden and heavy sadness. His eyes were round when he finally looked at Yoongi properly.

“You would be a couple with me…?” Yoongi nodded simply. “But… I didn’t freak you out? Like, saying it feels like you’re my true love. You don’t think I’m just clinging to you because it was my first time? People online said that could happen…”

“You were my first time too,” Yoongi reminded him gently. He grabbed Taehyung’s hand again, rubbing a thumb softly over his knuckles. “Don’t you remember me saying I couldn’t picture being with anyone but you anymore?”

“Not really,” Taehyung admitted right away, cheeks colouring again.

“I think I’d be lucky to have you as my true love.”

He felt warm with love when Taehyung more or less collapsed onto him, holding him in a tight embrace.

It felt like ages later when Yoongi nudged Taehyung out of his relieved stupor.

“As your first act as my… boyfriend,” Yoongi tested the word slowly, immensely encouraged when Taehyung’s eyes lit right up. “Would you please give me a hand so that we can go clean off and then clean up the bed, too.”

Taehyung jolted right up, as if only now remembering the position they had been in before.

“Oh, I’m sorry, hyung…”

He could tell that Taehyung was about to tack on much more to his apology, but he waved it off quickly.

“If you feel up to it, I can ride you before bed. If not, it’s no trouble, Tae. I feel like we have a few more first times to experience, anyway.”

Taehyung stood up, following after Yoongi to the bathroom, but with a deep frown in place.

“Like what? I mean, I think there are some things I definitely know I don’t want to try…”

“How about staying the night with your boyfriend for the first time?”

There was a pause, during which Yoongi was only mildly concerned that Taehyung may reject him. The concern was gone as soon as Taehyung smiled brightly.

“Ok, yeah. First boyfriend works.” Taehyung stopped by the bathroom door, taking in a deep breath before placing himself before Yoongi expectantly. “How about first kiss as boyfriends then?”

Yoongi watched for a beat as Taehyung shut his eyes and puckered his lips, waiting.

The kiss was quick. So quick he expected that Taehyung would complain about it. He was already smiling before Taehyung even had the chance to fully pout.

“Let’s clean up, we can perfect our kissing technique as boyfriends after.”

Taehyung lost the pout, as if softened by the continued reference to “boyfriends”.

“I’ll hold you to it.”

Yoongi had no doubt that he would.