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"In all honesty, I don't understand how you manage to be late when you possess the ability to teleport."
Descending down the steps and into the Maw's kitchen is The Thin Man, Mono in close pursuit behind him. "It's not teleporting that takes a long time. It's having to bend down every single time I have to go through one of these unnaturally small doors." He grumbles, placing a hand against the aching muscle in his back, "I think I pulled something."
Her smile is every bit condescending, "Aw, you poor thing! Would you like a massage? A cup of tea, perhaps?"
The Thin Man rolls his eyes with a smile, "As tempting as that offer is, that's not why we came here, is it, Mono?"
"No! We came to bake!" Mono exclaims ecstatically, rushing past The Thin Man and The Lady.
That's right. A week ago, Mono had announced to The Thin Man that he wanted to learn something new. The Thin Man, having learned from his previous mistake of teaching Mono teleportation (and who is still frequently reminded of this mistake), proposed an activity that would be equal parts fun and challenging; baking. He'd only realised he'd made yet another mistake as soon as he'd voiced the idea and Mono was jumping for joy about it, which was that The Thin Man himself didn't know how to bake. At most, he only possesses basic cooking experience due to his ability to bend reality and materialise whatever he wants most of the time. So after rudely bursting through The Lady's television one night, his desperation to make Mono happy had lead to her organising a little play date where Mono and Six (and The Thin Man) could learn to bake. The Thin Man had eagerly agreed to it, and here they are now, standing in one of the Maw's various kitchens, which looks surprisingly sanitary for once.
There's a clatter behind them then. The Lady whips around and The Thin Man peers over her small form to see Six and Mono playing tag, knocking over any stacks of pots and pans in their wake. Six is laughing brightly as Mono glitches around her, going from being a few feet away to right behind her in a flash. It's an obvious form of cheating, but The Thin Man knows if he told Mono to stop warping, he'd only do it even more.
"So much for baking, then," The Thin Man comments as they watch the childish shenanigans ahead.
"You still haven't gotten his powers under control," The Lady laughs, "I almost feel bad for you."
"If anything, he's gotten worse." The Thin Man pinches the bridge of his nose, "He now finds it funny to teleport right near me whenever I least exp-"
Mono suddenly appears on The Thin Man's shoulder and he jolts, glaring down at him, "I told you to stop doing that, Mono."
The Lady stifles a laugh. Mono only smiles up at him impishly, then claps his hands together, "Let's bake now!" Before The Thin Man can even voice an agreement, he's zapped away again.
"That would probably be a wise idea," The Lady concedes, gesturing to Six, who is now drooling at the sight of the ingredients.
Some ingredients are already present, like flour, eggs, milk, sugar and a bag of chocolate chips, stacked neatly on the counter alongside some bowls and weighing scales. Six had told The Lady prior that she wanted to bake muffins, Mono however, ever the little shit, decided he wanted to pick out his own recipe and not tell The Thin Man, so it could be a surprise for him. In The Thin Man's eyes, it only makes things even harder, because now he doesn't know whether The Lady will have any of the ingredients for whatever concoction Mono's picked out. If she doesn't, he'll have to deal with a sulking Mono all day, giving him the puppy-dog eyes and making him feel guilty. And it always ends the same; this guilt is exploited by Mono, ever the little shit, for getting whatever he wants from The Thin Man, whether that be a three hour reading of every one of his favourite bedtime stories or a collection of new toys. It's gotten to the point that The Thin Man can barely open his bedroom door without knocking over a stack of teddy bears.
The counter is too large for the children to work on whilst standing on the floor, so Mono ends up sitting next to the bowls, and Six wanders right next to the ingredients. Specifically the chocolate chips. The Lady's eying her when she asks, "Are we ready to get started, then?"
"Yeah!" The two children shout in unison.
"Six, do you have our recipe?" The Lady asks as she turns the dial on the oven to pre-heat it. Six shakes her head before bolting across the large counter that extends to another, where a small sheet of paper is laying. She retrieves it and comes bounding back, offering it to The Lady almost proudly. Perhaps The Lady would've prided her on obeying her for once, had there not been a chunk of the paper missing in the top corner, looking awfully similar to a bite mark. "What did I tell you about eating inedible things, Six?"
The Thin Man looks over at them, "You still haven't gotten her hunger under control," His attempt to keep his face straight fails when she turns and levels him with the most disappointed glare he's ever seen, "I almost feel sorry for you." Six giggles sheepishly beside her.
The Lady clears her throat and straightens the paper in front of her. She doesn't respond, opting to ignore him, but that won't stop the furious blush from spreading across her cheeks. Sometimes she questions whether she still wears her mask for modesty or to hide from The Thin Man's incessant teasing. She skims across the instructions, then places the sheet on the counter. "Alright, first we need to measure the self-raising flour. Six, I need you to pour the flour into the scale, and I'll tell you when to stop." Six nods, hefting up the large bag of flour.
Meanwhile, The Thin Man turns to Mono, "So Mono, what are you going to bake?"
"I'm going to bake a friend!"
Next to him, The Lady stares at Mono like he's grown two heads and Six nearly spills the entire bag of flour all over the counter.
The Thin Man blanches, "Come again?"
"A friend, see!" He repeats, retrieving his recipe paper and showing it to The Thin Man, pointing at the bold title at the top. Before he's even had the chance to comprehend the title, and pray that Mono is mistaken, that he's not actually planning on cooking a literal friend, Mono has turned the paper around again, holding it close to his face. "It says here that we need: a piece of raw meat, some candles and a knife. It involves drawing, too! With the knife, we need to carve a...pent--" Mono squints, unable to pronounce the new word, "Pen-ta-gram?"
Six drops the flour and stomps her foot, "That sounds like so much more fun compared to what I chose! Can we make that, too?"
The Thin Man and The Lady share a horrified look. What the fuck.
"Mono, can I see that recipe, please?"
"Okay!"
Mono passes him the recipe paper. Its small size makes it difficult for The Thin Man to even see the font on the damn thing, but with great effort, he manages to make out the title which is, sure enough, 'Cooking a friend!'. He grazes over the instructions, face becoming paler the longer the list gets. Mono's first baking experience, and out of every single thing he could've chose to make, he chose the recipe to summon a demon. Why not? That sounds like a great bonding experience with dad, doesn't it? A small fine print catches his eye in the bottom right corner of the sheet and he brings it closer so it's legible.
'Recipe provided by: CookingForTheEye.com'
The Thin Man immediately makes a mental note to put restrictions on Mono's internet availability.
The Lady peeks around his lean frame to read the recipe, "I don't particularly want to add 'exorcise demons from the Maw' to my list of chores to do around here." She whispers.
The Thin Man is quick to agree. He lowers the paper and his voice isn't of his usual confidence, "Mono, I don't think we'll be able to follow this recipe. We don't have all the ingredients."
Mono frowns, "But I saw some meat back there--"
"It's rotten."
"Oh." Mono mumbles, disheartened as expected.
"But, I'm sure The Lady here has another recipe somewhere?" His strained smile is so unlike him. Here he is, pleading for The Lady's help, and he just knows she's never going to let him live this down.
"Of course I do." Voice so deceptively sweet, "What kind of recipe would you like? We have--"
"Something that's edible, please." The Lady snickers at that, hearing the silent warning between them loud and clear. No recipes involving children.
She walks away from the counter and to one of cupboards, pulling out a large cook book. She opens it and flips through the pages, mumbling to herself, "Slow-roasted child, no..." She flips it again, "Tarte enfant, no..." Another page, "Bone marrow soup, no..." The Thin Man thinks he might be sick, "Aha! Here we are," The Lady proclaims, "An easy chocolate chip cookie recipe."
How a chocolate chip cookie recipe exists in the same cook book as 'Slow-roasted child', The Thin Man has no fucking idea.
He's quick to take the book from her as soon as she's next to him, reading every sentence once, then again, as if any hidden secrets in the page would reveal themselves the more he stared at it. "No strings attached," The Lady sings, amused. The Thin Man eyes her with suspicion, but he caves eventually, after making sure there's no ingredients that could poison Mono. It would be The Lady who would learn the true definition of betrayal if that ever happened. The Thin Man sets the recipe down and beckons Mono to read it for himself.
"Okay, so first we need to measure 150g butter and 80g sugar! Can I pour it?" Mono asks excitedly, disappointment from before long gone. The Thin Man nods and he passes the sugar to him. In the mean time, The Thin Man takes the stick of butter and tasks himself with cutting it to what he thinks would be 150g. When he looks up, Mono has in fact poured twice the recommended amount of sugar into the weighing scales, and he's still pouring. The Thin Man promptly takes the sugar off him.
The Lady and Six have now measured all of their dry ingredients into a bowl. They take an egg each and The Lady lightly taps its shell on the edge of the bowl, cracking it and separating it into the mix. Six, however, smashes the egg against the bowl with such force the egg crumbles in her hands. The Thin Man huffs a poorly restrained laugh. To make matters worse, Six is now poking the egg with fascination, yolk dripping down her small finger. The Lady has to stop her before she shoves it into her mouth.
Once the sugar and butter have been measured, Mono puts them both in the mixing bowl together. He then pads across the counter and towards a utensil holder a little away from their baking station. Mono spies the ware he needs, a wooden spoon. It is rather larger than him but within his reaching range, so he jumps up and grabs the handle, pulling it out of the utensil holder. There's a bang as the entire thing falls over, trapping him under it. The Thin Man is there not a moment later, standing the holder up again and looking down at Mono with an expression somewhere between amusement and concern. In spite of the event, Mono presents the wooden spoon with a big grin.
The Lady has left to rustle through a cupboard, looking for a baking tray and some muffin cases. When The Thin Man returns to the baking station, he rereads the recipe and realises they forgot to add vanilla extract. He spots the small bottle of it sitting across the counter and as he reaches to grab it, Six gets there quicker, taking it and hugging it close to her. The Thin Man forcefully sighs.
"Six, can I have the vanilla extract, please."
She grins at him playfully, tightening her grip on the bottle.
The Lady returns, carrying a baking tray. "Six, are you making our guests' lives difficult?"
Six's smile grows wider.
"That's my girl." The Lady coos, much to The Thin Man's displeasure. Six practically beams from the praise, until there's a flash and Mono warps in front of her, wrenching the bottle from her hands whilst she's distracted. He reappears in front of The Thin Man and holds it up to him. Maybe teaching him to teleport did indeed have its perks.
After their little dispute, they continue baking. Six is now scooping the muffin batter into the cases, whilst Mono has grabbed the chocolate chip bag. Before The Thin Man can stop him, Mono dumps the entire bag into their cookie mix, effectively ruining it. The Thin Man has to fight the urge to drag his hand down his face as he stares at the absolute monstrosity before him. The batter has been mixed well, but now there's a giant mountain of chocolate chips on it. On top of that, Mono's already trying to stir them in with the wooden spoon, so The Thin Man doesn't have the opportunity to remove the excess chips. The Lady knows she shouldn't laugh, Mono's trying his best bless his heart, but her body's shaking with the badly concealed attempt to contain her guffaws.
The Lady places their muffin tray in the oven and starts putting away a few of the ingredients. The Thin Man and Mono aren't far behind, spooning then moulding the batter--if you can even call it that, it's three-quarters chocolate chips and one quarter dry ingredients at this point--onto their own baking tray. Once they're finished, The Thin Man doesn't know what to think of the 'cookies', whilst Mono is positively shining. He supposes that's all that matters though, even if the cookies they just created look like they could give someone diabetes.
Fifth-teen minutes later, the oven chimes and The Lady retrieves a pair of oven gloves. She slips them on and opens the oven, taking out both trays. As soon as they're put down, Six immediately tries to pounce for the muffins, teeth gnawing. The Lady snags her by the back of her yellow raincoat, "We have to wait for them to cool down first," Six nods, waiting for The Lady to put her down.
As soon as she's back on her feet, she grabs one of the muffins and shoves it in her mouth.
The Lady shakes her head, grumbling, "What did I just say?"
But Six isn't listening, too busy devouring the tray of muffins.
The Thin Man watches her with an expression that is either disgusted or impressed, possibly both, "How she doesn't get sick, I'll never know."
Meanwhile, Mono is admiring his tray of 'cookies'. They resemble some sort of disfigured turtle shell; a flat, smooth batter at the bottom, with way too many chocolate chips poking out of the top. The Thin Man is as new to baking as Mono is, but even he thinks that's not exactly how they were supposed to come out. It doesn't seem to bother Mono though, as he lifts it up and takes a large bite out of it. In record time, he's eaten the entire thing, thankfully in a lot more of a discreet fashion than Six, who has eaten at least half of her tray at this point.
"What do you think?" The Thin Man asks him.
Mono grins, "They're really good! Here, try one!" He picks up a cookie and holds it up to The Thin Man.
The Thin Man inspects the cookie monstrosity warily. Then he holds up both his hands, "Thank you for the offer, but I'm--"
Mono's lower lip quivers and for fuck's sake here come the puppy-dog eyes, "I made it specially for you..."
"Yeah," The Lady nudges The Thin Man's arm and he can hear the taunting smile in her voice, "It wouldn't be nice to turn down Mono's cookie, would it? Not after he went through all the effort of making it for you. He even added extra chocolate chips!" Mono nods in agreement, oblivious to the mockery.
The Thin Man wants to step on her.
Nonetheless, he sighs and accepts Mono's gift. Mono's face brightens up instantly, and The Thin Man realises it can't be that bad if Mono is this happy about it. So he takes a small bite.
Only to realise that, yes, it can actually be that bad.
His fist flies to his mouth and he pretends to cough into it to disguise his gagging. There is no hint of cookie batter, just an overwhelming taste of far too rich and creamy, sickening chocolate. He can feel Mono's concerned gaze on him, and The Lady's amused one, as he reluctantly swallows the nasty cookie and lowers his hand. Then he focuses on taking deep breaths through his nose, because he knows he's going to have trouble keeping it down. Mono is still looking at him expectantly.
"It's fine," The Thin Man struggles out, "Less chocolate chips next time, though."
Mono is satisfied with the criticism and he picks up another cookie to try. The Lady however speaks up, still smirking, "Oh, I would've thought the extra chocolate would be the best part!"
"What's that I hear? You'd like to try one, too?" He turns to her with a shit-eating grin.
That shuts her up quick.
"Hey, Mono, I think The Lady would like to try one of your cookies!"
"Oh, no dear--I'm fine--" She tries, but Mono's already thrust a cookie into her hand with that same cordial smile.
"It wouldn't be nice to turn down Mono's cookie, would it? Not after you asked so politely to try one."
Even with the mask, the glare she's giving him right now is the personification of 'I hate you'.
The Lady leans close to The Thin Man and whispers, "If I get food poisoning, the medical bill is going to be on your doorstep." She then takes a bite out of the cookie, swallowing it as fast as she can to avoid tasting the excessive amount of chocolate. "Simply delightful," She lies through gritted teeth. The Thin Man scoffs, and she elbows him in the side for it.
A loud belch sounds from next to her, and The Lady cringes at Six's lack of manners, who has done in the entire tray of muffins and is now wandering around the kitchen. Before The Lady can apologise to their guests for her absent decorum, the sound of a drawer opening and closing catches her attention. When she turns around, Six is standing with her hands hidden behind her back suspiciously, drawing a circle on the floor with her foot. She leans forward with a smile, but this smile is devoid of all happiness.
"Six," The Lady begins, crossing her arms over her chest, "What are you hiding?"
Six only hums and shuffles backwards.
The Lady takes a step towards her, "Let me see what you have."
That's when she surprises her by revealing the object, holding it up in her left hand, "A knife!"
"NO--"