Chapter Text
Hero knew he wouldn’t have been able to keep it up. He knew. He knew he would break one day, and yet every time that thought surfaced he pushed it to the back of his mind. He had to push that…itch aside, or else everything he had kept bottled up would flow out uncontrollably, drowning himself and those around him. It was for the best. It had to be.
But there was always something. Something itched at the back of his mind and slowly chipped away at his rationality, little by little. It was easy to smother at first. Hero could overwhelm his mind with other things like–like schoolwork. It wasn’t a bad coping skill, because it benefited his future! His parents always encouraged his hard work, and so he continued. He didn’t really mind that he had to give up cooking, because every time he tried to cook he could practically hear that soft voice whispering in his ear–
He was perfectly fine. So he would enjoy his summer visit back at home.
…Hero didn’t expect to come home to a quiet house. Asking about his brother, his mom quickly relayed the necessary information and before she could even finish, he ran. There was this strange feeling. No, it wasn’t anxiety, it was–it was something else. The feeling only grew when he stepped into the clearing hidden in Faraway Park that he was so familiar with.
Hero ran past the cones and dried roots, seeing bright pink, and the bright orange his brother always wore. He heard shouting. Kel was shouting. Hero ran up to him, and Kel pulled at him and pointed to the water, exclaiming that Basil was in the lake. Before Kel could finish speaking Hero jumped in, opening his eyes and searching for the blond.
He noticed Basil pretty quickly and grabbed him, pulling him up and turning to see…Sunny?
Hero lifted Basil out of the water, and Kel quickly hoisted him up, ushering Hero to get Sunny too. Hero couldn’t even process the information as he dived down once more, clothes weighing him down. He saw him. Sunny. How long had it been? Was that really Sunny? He looked so…thin. Small. Almost malnourished.
Hero shook his head and grabbed onto that pale hand, lifting Sunny further up until he could safely wrap an arm around his chest. He pulled them both out of the water, and Kel helped him climb onto the dock. It ended up being easy since Sunny was light. Worryingly so.
Kel had Basil propped up, feeling his head for a fever. Hero looked down at Sunny, who he had gently rested on the grass. Hero took a few deep breaths, his brain moving too quickly to comprehend what was going on. He turned to Kel and motioned to bring Basil closer, wanting to check if the blond was okay.
Before Hero could ask about what had happened, or even gather his thoughts, he heard a sharp intake of breath. Hero turned to Sunny, whose eyes trembled, before slowly opening. Sunny stared blankly forward, and Hero’s breath caught in his throat. He smiled naturally, hiding the itching in the back of his mind. Sunny really looked like–
Sunny sat up, blinking slowly. He looked around a bit before focusing on Basil, minute changes to his expression showing his worry. Hero turned back to Basil and pulled him from Kel, checking him over. “Hmm…It looks like Basil’s breathing is steady…but we need to get him somewhere warm, quickly.”
“Yeah…he’s had a rough day. Let’s get him home as soon as possible.” Kel nodded, moving to help Sunny off of the ground. Hero picked Basil up and belatedly thanked his college roommate for making him go weight lifting as a ‘bonding exercise’.
“WAIT!” Hero froze, as did Kel and Sunny. “Where do you think you’re all going?” Aubrey stared forward with a scowl. Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, though it seemed to be from frustration and not sadness. Surprisingly, Kel snapped back.
“That’s enough. Don’t you think you’ve caused enough trouble? C’mon, guys. We gotta go!” Aubrey grits her teeth at Kel’s words, but it wasn’t the time to unpack that. Hero rushed Basil back to his house, occasionally glancing behind himself. The itch was there, and that was strange in itself. He had buried all of…that…a while ago. But, when he looked at Sunny, the itch was…different. He wasn’t really sure why but felt a strange premonition that it would become clear soon.
After reaching Basil’s house, talking to Polly, and settling Basil into his bed, Hero quickly comforted the two still following closely behind him, saying Basil would be fine. After leaving Basil to rest and going into the hallway, he was finally able to ask about what had happened.
Kel explained that Aubrey had pushed Basil into the lake. Hero furrowed his brows, expressing that it must be a sort of misunderstanding, but Kel was firm. Hero looked to Sunny for confirmation, but Sunny was looking at the ground, out of it.
“Aubrey…” Hero rubbed the back of his head, “what happened while I was gone? Maybe I should have never left.” Kel was quick to veto that train of thought, and Hero reluctantly pushed his own opinions aside for now.
When they left Basil’s house, Kel leaned toward Sunny. “You know, Sunny, you were pretty awesome back there…jumping into the lake to save Basil like that.” Hero’s eyes widened. He didn’t really think of why Sunny was in the lake too. Wasn’t he afraid of drowning? “Even if Hero ended up saving the day, I think you deserve some recognition too. How about a high five?” Kel excitedly lifted his hand, looking down at the other boy. Sunny looked at the hand, and an expression of grief disappeared as soon as it formed. Sunny lifted up his hand and received the high five. Hero pushed away the itch.
After heading back home–with him once again glancing back at Sunny periodically–Hero was greeted by his frantic mother. After Hero placated her about her cold dinner, the three went and grabbed some food, bringing it to the kitchen to warm up. “Phew…Now that everything’s calmed down…We can finally relax a bit.” Hero smiled.
As the microwave hummed, Hero turned to Sunny, though directly looking at him made the itching worse, he endured it. “It’s so good to see you again, Sunny! It really has been way too long!” Sunny looked away from the microwave, blinking slowly. Hero pursed his lips slightly, finding the expression and demeanor to be very similar to a cat. “Oh, and it’s good to see you again too, Kel.” Hero nodded toward his brother.
Silence settled again, and Hero felt suffocated by it. “So, Sunny, I heard from mom that you’re moving away soon! That sounds so exciting!” Hero said the words earnestly, yet the moment they left his mouth a bitterness permeated. Sunny’s expression changed briefly again, but it was quickly brought back into a neutral state. Hero’s eyes narrowed slightly, picking up on it more clearly this time. That definitely wasn’t a look of excitement.
“Yeah, he is. Tomorrow’s gonna be his last day with us.” Kel, always the optimist, just seemed excited that Sunny was back in his vicinity. Hero had overheard his mom mentioning that Sunny had appeared yesterday too. But, besides that, it seems like Sunny hadn’t left his house since–
“Moving might seem kind of nerve–wracking now, but it really isn’t so bad once you get used to it.” Hero spoke, keeping his gaze on Sunny, waiting for any indication of what he was feeling. “I think it would be good for you, Sunny.” A barely perceptible flinch. A tiny twist of the lip. Hero stopped a frown from forming after noticing it. “You learn a lot moving to a new place, and it’s nice to have a fresh start!” It was much more noticeable this time. Sunny’s expression was definitely not right, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Hero’s smile wavered. “I’m a little sad to see you go, but it’ll be okay as long as we keep in touch.” The itch strengthened. Kel started to talk about the old times, and Hero added to the memories as well. Though, talking about the treehouse–
Suppress it.
“Looks like the food’s done! Let’s eat in the living room. We can continue chatting there!” Hero clapped his hands together. After moving to the living room, Kel mentioned Sunny had Basil’s photo album, tacking on that Aubrey had stolen it and probably kept some of the photos. Sunny pulled out the photo album, and almost like he had done it hundreds of times, laid it out on the ground between the three of them. It was pleasant to see all the photos again. Everyone was so cute and happy. But…
“H–Hey, Hero, what’s up? Are you okay?”
Hero stared down, slightly tense. The itch was strong. Something was trying to push to the front of his mind. Hero grimaced. “Yeah…i–it’s just that…well…” Hero trailed off. His heart was beating too fast. He glanced to the side and saw Sunny staring right back at him. It caught Hero off guard, and he quickly schooled his expression.
“Oh, yeah…Mari isn’t in any of these photos.” Kel frowned. Hero took a deep breath, pushing it back. What was he pushing back? At this point, he couldn’t even tell. There was too much. He had to ignore it.
Hero sighed. “Still, this album really brings back some good memories. Things were a lot simpler when we were kids…haha…” Hero trailed off, glancing over the photos on the page. Sunny was holding up a violin in one of the photos, expression so similar to–“Sunny, I have a favor to ask.” Hero kept a smile. “Do you think you could let us see your house one more time before you leave?”
Kel agreed, saying it was a good idea. The issue was convincing their mom. She obviously wasn’t happy about it, and even when Hero was able to get her to reluctantly agree, it was bitter. So, Hero proposed getting some flowers for her. They went to Fix–It, passing by the nostalgic Hobbeez and Gino’s.
After reaching the cashier, Hero noticed that Sunny was pulling out money from his own pocket. “Oops! Before I forget…Sunny, here’s some money for my mom’s flowers.” Hero smiled at Sunny’s blank expression. “You didn’t think I would let you pay for it, didja?” Hero handed over a ten-dollar bill, not really thinking much of it. Sunny gently took it from him, staring down at it. He looked back up at Hero with an expression that seemed to say “Wow…”. Hero wanted to laugh.
After paying they went back to the house, and Hero was able to patch it up with his mom. It was good that she was understanding, but the constant mentioning of Sunny’s move irked him. It was fine. Hero ignored it.
It was dark outside, and as Kel marveled at how long it had been since they had been over to Sunny’s house, Hero glanced at the “SOLD” sign. He shook his head and agreed with whatever Kel had been saying, opening the door and letting the other two in first.
The house really was empty. And dark. Was the electricity out? Kel once again started recollecting the past, and Hero joined in. Kel mentioned being unable to see the treehouse, and Hero quickly glossed over it. The itch was pushed back.
Kel then had the idea of sleeping over. Hero liked the idea, and Kel quelled the worry about his mom being upset. After the agreement was made and everyone started heading towards Sunny’s room, Hero glanced to the side. “I wonder if the piano is still there. I’ll go on ahead and see!” As if something was compelling him, he went into the room.
After stepping in, he immediately froze. Hero’s hands shook by his sides, and his eyes were glued forward. “I’m fine.” Hero mumbled, forcing himself over to the piano bench and sitting down. He opened the piano and looked down at the keys, hands hovering over them. The keys were clean. It was weird. Why was he here? It’s stimulating.
He heard footsteps and looked behind him. Sunny and Kel had walked in. Hero smiled, “don’t judge me too hard. I haven’t practiced in a while.” And, like he was possessed, he played. He knew he was playing the piano, yet…it hurt. The back of his mind was hurting. It wasn’t just an itch this time–more like scratching.
“Show off…” Kel’s words snapped him out of it.
“Haha, I guess I still got it.” Hero hurriedly left the piano, approaching Sunny. “Hey, Sunny. That reminds me! Do you still play the violin?” Hero looked around for a bit, not paying attention to Sunny’s expression. “Oh…it’s not here. I guess you already packed it up.” Hero opened his mouth to say something else, to reminisce about something important, but it wouldn’t come out. Hero pulled back, glancing at the yawning Kel.
Kel urged everyone to sleep, and Hero agreed. After coming up with the idea to sleep in Sunny’s room, Kel rushed off for blankets, and Hero hurriedly followed. Before Sunny came up, they’d somehow managed to put together a bed fort. Hero almost laughed.
“Hey, Sunny! We built a bed fort! I hope you don’t mind.” Sunny just stared in response, which Kel took as acceptance.
“This was all Kel’s idea. I had nothing to do with it.” Hero added on when Sunny approached, tilting his head. Hero pursed his lips at Sunny’s slow blinking. Seriously. He’s like a cat.
“By the way, Hero…Sunny and I got you a gift!” Hero turned to Kel in surprise and received the book.
“It’s Papa Chip’s Chip–Off–The–Old–Block Cookbook! Do you remember this?” Kel smiled brightly, pleased with his gift choice.
“Of course I do!” Hero subconsciously replied, “Man, I remember when I wanted to be a cook…It seems so silly now.” Hero allowed himself to recall the joy of cooking for others when something else tried to crawl out from the back of his mind. It itched.
“Hey, you were pretty good at it! And you can still be a cook, Hero!” Kel said it with so much sureness, even looking to Sunny briefly with that bright, confident look. Hero noted Sunny’s reaction. His expression was, well…he looked sad. Hero tensed.
“Ah…it’s okay. I don’t have time for that anymore.” Hero held the book in his hands, not knowing whether he wanted to throw it away or hold it close.
“But…you really like to cook, don’t you? And people have to eat, right? So like…why not?” Kel was so absurdly earnest about it, that Hero couldn’t even be annoyed by the naivete of the sentence.
“Haha…I don’t think it works that way, Kel–”
And he was interrupted by snoring. Wow. Hero just kind of stared for a second, amazed and dumbfounded by his brother's ability to pass out like that. “He’s such a fast sleeper…always been that way I guess.” Hero chuckled gently, turning to Sunny, who was sitting on the floor. “Thanks for letting us sleepover, Sunny.”
Hero thought maybe Sunny nodded, but that might be the trick of the light or his own imagination. Hero shifted in place, putting the book to the side. He turned back to Sunny. “I bet it’s been pretty hard in this empty house…especially…” Hero, although he wanted to look away, wanted to make sure he was receptive to Sunny’s nonvocal replies. It’s not as though Sunny was mute…no, he was just always the quiet type. But, this was different. Sunny hasn’t been making any noise at all. Hero frowned. The itch strengthened.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you more…” Hero tried to smile, but couldn’t hold it when looking at Sunny. Sunny’s eyes briefly narrowed and his eyebrows creased, lips quivering. Hero wanted to hug him.
“Everything feels so different now…” Hero tried to smile again, “but it seems like you’ve pretty much stayed the same.” Hero hoped his voice was steady. Sunny hunched into himself, just enough to be noticeable. “It’s kind of relieving, to be honest! Haha!” Hero finally managed to smile, but it trembled.
“It’s really nice to see you again.” Hero reached forward slowly, before pulling the hand back. It hurt. It hurt. It really hurt. The back of his mind was scratching at his conscience. An image was forming in his mind. Too familiar. It was painful. “A–Anyway!” Hero took in a shaky breath, “sorry for ranting. It’s getting late. I’ll probably head to sleep soon too. Goodnight, Sunny! I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
…Hm?
Hero saw it.
For a brief second, it was the clearest expression Sunny had made all day.
So clear, in fact, that when Sunny left to go to his own bed, Hero almost reached out to pull him back. But he didn’t. He suppressed it. He suppressed the urge, convincing himself that it wasn’t real, that it wasn’t what he saw. But the itch–that painful, scratching itch, gnawed at him. He closed his eyes, lying down next to Kel. But it lingered.
…afraid.
Sunny had looked afraid.
****
Hero woke up early in the morning before the sun had even risen. He felt drained–like he had a nightmare. Shaking his head, Hero got up and headed to the bathroom. After finishing his business and washing his hands, he heard a soft tune. He froze.
Hero opened the bathroom door only a bit, before looking down the stairs. Without thinking he rushed down, heading straight for the piano room. He stepped inside, only to see Sunny standing completely still, a bit away from the piano. No, standing still wasn’t right. His hands were shaking. Sunny whipped around to face Hero, wide eyes and tightly shut mouth visible in the darkness.
“Sorry for bursting in like that. I could’ve sworn I heard some music.” Hero smiled gently, watching Sunny carefully. There was a stretch of silence, but Hero couldn’t bring himself to move or speak. The scratching at the back of his mind kept intensifying. “You must miss–” Hero stopped.
No. Stop. Suppress it. Hero held his breath. Suppress it. It’s fine. It’s fine. Nothing was wrong. Everything was okay. “I–It’s been…hard for me, too.” Hero couldn’t stop the words coming out of his mouth. “I just…don’t understand why…” Hero stepped forward, seeing Sunny waver. “But…we should all still be happy…” Hero kept himself in place. He wasn’t even saying coherent sentences. Sunny was shaking. Hero didn’t know what to do.
He didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to…wanted to…
“You should really get some rest. Go upstairs. I’ll come join you in a bit.” Hero waited for Sunny to leave. Sunny needed to leave. Everything was wrong. It wasn’t working–suppressing wasn’t working right now. Sunny, still shaking, scurried out of the room. Hero stayed put for a few seconds, waiting until he knew Sunny left.
Hero stumbled toward the bench, sitting on it and holding himself up. He stared down at the piano keys, tears welling in his eyes. Thoughts were rushing past his own comprehension, and the tears in his eyes dropped without permission. Hero looked down at his own shaking hands, biting his lip.
It hurt. It hurt so much. The back of his mind was burning and it felt horrible. He wanted to let go. But what then? What was he even letting go of? He didn’t even understand himself anymore, much less his emotions. And why was Sunny so…pitiful? No, not that. Sunny really did look like–he looked like–he…
“Oh…Mari…” Hero held a hand over his mouth, but he couldn’t drown out the name once it was said. The last time he ever saw her…her sickeningly pale skin, her peaceful expression…surrounded by flowers…
Hero gripped at his hair. He can’t. Not now. Not after four years of succeeding in moving on. It was all coming back without permission. Something was looming over his mind, as it had been all these years. It was more apparent now, especially once he saw Sunny.
…Sunny.
Four years without leaving the house. It made sense that he looked the way he did but it’s just…it’s just way too similar. And–And those expressions! Hero’s eyes wavered. Those weren’t expressions of somebody who was happy. Not that it’s expected for everyone to be happy all the time, no, but this was different. What would’ve happened if Kel hadn’t kept knocking on Sunny’s door? What would’ve happened if Sunny didn’t open it? Sunny looked depressed. Sunny looked tired, hopeless. Sunny didn’t even want to move from what Hero had gathered. So why did Sunny only come out now? Was it his way of saying goodbye to his old life? Or–or–was he saying goodbye in a way that was–
Hero went rigid.
Would…would it…happen…again…?
Hero stumbled out of the piano seat, the piano looking horrific in the moment. Once the idea formed coherently in his mind he couldn’t erase it, couldn’t suppress it. No. This can’t be happening. Kel…Kel wasn’t somebody who would notice things like this. Basil was…Basil was preoccupied and Aubrey was–well, she seemed to have her own thing going on. If he hadn’t come back…if he actually decided to stay behind at college for a bit longer like he had originally planned…then…
Hero rushed out of the room and up the stairs, letting out a deep exhale when he saw Sunny safely tucked into his bed. Hero ran his hand through his hair, scratching at his scalp to hopefully suppress the burning feeling in his mind. He needed to do something. He needed to distract himself. He needed to stop thinking. He needed the sharp pains in his mind to disappear. There’s…there’s…
The book he had put aside caught his gaze.
…
Breakfast. Yes, everybody needed breakfast soon. He should…clean up the house too while he’s at it. Yes. Everything was fine. Ignore it.
…
Suppress it.