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“I-I-I have something to tell you, Samantha,” Ron said, with another glance at the sleeping Terry Jr.
“What is it, Ronnie?” Samantha asked.
“I need you to let me g-get through this without interrupting me, okay? E-even if you get mad, okay?”
Samantha nodded.
“I realized, while we were in the Forgotten Realms, that, as distant as I tried to keep myself from Terry Jr, I really had come to c-care for him… or even l-l-love him.”
“That’s gre—“
“Please, Samantha, I need to get through this,” Ron said.
Samantha closed her mouth and nodded again.
Ron took in a shuddering deep breath and continued. “But I also r-realized that-that sometimes love isn’t enough, that all the stepping up in the world can still be wrong.” Ron squeezed his hands together, twisting the hem of his shirt. He looked over at Terry Jr’s sleeping form again and forced out the words he knew to be true in his heart. “Terry Jr deserves a better father.”
Without missing a beat, Samantha replied. “That’s not true.”
“Yes it is,” Ron insisted, “you weren’t there, you didn’t see all the mistakes I made. You didn’t see all the things I did, or all the things I didn’t do.”
Samantha hesitated. “You’re right,” she said slowly. “I—“
Whatever Samantha was going to say was interrupted by a flurry of motion as Terry Jr bolted into a sitting position. “ What,” Terry Jr demanded, “you can’t possibly believe him! You must know how mean Dad is to himself.”
Ron startled, flushing in embarrassment. He hadn’t wanted Terry Jr to hear any of that— he’d been convinced that Terry Jr was asleep, which was how he had gotten up the nerve to tell Samantha what he’d been thinking.
“Terry Jr, were you eavesdropping?” Samantha asked, a stern edge to her voice.
Ron flinched, the echo of Willy’s last cruel words playing back through his mind. He scrambled to think of something he could say to deflect attention, but before he could, Terry Jr was already responding.
“You guys were in here talking, and I’ve been sleeping lightly because of,” he looked away, “well everything. It’s not my fault you were talking over me while I was trying to rest.”
“H-how’s your shoulder?” Ron asked, glancing at Samantha.
Terry Jr rolled his shoulder, winced, shrugged, then winced again. “It still hurts a bit. But I want to know why you,” he said, thrusting a finger towards Samantha, “were going to believe a word Dad said about himself. He’s so mean to himself, I can’t stand it, and I can’t stand you believing him!”
Ron could only stare at Terry Jr in shock. “B-but— I— you deserve better! I— This is just more proof!” He turned to Samantha, gesturing wildly towards Terry Jr.
“Can you both just give me a moment? I need to organize my thoughts,” Samantha said, rubbing her temples.
Ron nodded, shuffling his feet. Terry Jr leaned back on his pillows with one arm across his chest, glaring at Samantha. Ron wanted to ask him to stop doing that, because Samantha hadn’t done anything wrong, but Samantha had just asked them to be quiet.
“Alright, so, first I’m going to finish saying what I had started to say before. Which was that Ron was right when he said that I didn’t know what he’d done and not done; I can’t know because I wasn’t there. However,” she said looking at Terry Jr, “I can know, without having been there and just by knowing my husband, that Ron did the best he could with what he had. I am only more convinced of this fact now that I have seen how you defend Ron, Terry Jr. And on top of that, how you so naturally call him ‘dad’.”
Ron blinked, shocked to remember that that had been an anomaly not too long ago. He’d gotten used to the familiar form of address from Terry Jr, despite his myriad shortcomings, and it was like a shot to the heart to realize how much he’d miss it when Samantha eventually came to her senses.
“A lot happened in the Forgotten Realms,” Terry Jr said.
“I think I’m really starting to see that,” Samantha said.
Ron nodded in agreement.
Terry Jr turned towards Ron, all the anger he’d been directing at Samantha now aimed towards Ron.
Ron wrapped his arms around himself, an unconscious mirror of Terry Jr.
“And you ,” Terry Jr said, pointing at Ron, “whatever happened to ‘I love you too much to leave’? Was that just something you said to me? Because now you seem to be trying real hard to leave me.”
Ron shook his head frantically. “No, no, no! That’s not it at all! I was the only one available in the Forgotten Realms— I was the only option, and I couldn’t just leave you alone after everything that had happened, after what I did and said to you. But now we’re back in the real world, and there are better options! Loads of them! A-and Samantha—“
“Oh my god,” Terry Jr interrupted, “that’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works!” He turned to Samantha, flailing his arms in Ron’s direction. “Please talk some sense into him. Please.”
“I think we’ll need to take this conversation somewhere else. I get the feeling this may take a while— Terry Jr needs his rest, and getting him worked up over this isn’t ideal either,” Samantha said.
Terry Jr rolled his eyes. “Have the conversation where you want, just— don’t— ugh. I, uh,” Terry Jr took a deep breath, then looked Ron straight in the eye. “Don’t leave me, dad.”
Tears welled up in Ron’s eyes, and he stumbled forward to scoop Terry Jr into a gentle side hug, mindful of his injured shoulder.
“I can’t lose another dad,” Terry Jr whispered into his ear, “I just can’t.”
“I— uh— I—“ Ron kept stuttering, feeling his conviction being torn in two. Before the two competing forces could implode, Terry Jr broke the hug.
“Talk to him, please,” Terry Jr said to Samantha.
“I’ve got this,” Samantha said, going to tuck Terry Jr in. “You just worry about recovering, alright?”
“Promise you won’t let him do anything stupid?” Terry Jr asked.
“I promise.”
Terry Jr nodded, then slumped back down in bed, curling onto his uninjured side. Samantha slipped her hand into Ron’s and led both of them out of the bedroom, down the stairs, and onto the back patio.
“This should be far enough away that we can talk without worrying about disturbing Terry Jr,” Samantha said.
Ron slumped down into one of the patio chairs and started fiddling with the hem of his shirt again. He could already feel his two convictions swirling around his mind, threatening to tear him apart at the seams.
“I don’t know what to do,” Ron said. He raised his watery eyes to Samantha, silently pleading with her to fix this, to tell him what to do. Then the part of him that knew Samantha needed to find a better husband, who could be a better father to Terry Jr reared its ugly head, reminding him that if he let Samantha solve this for him, Terry Jr would be stuck with him as a father. He bent over and buried his face in his hands, tugging at the bit of hair he still had. “How do parents do this,” he groaned.
“Would you mind repeating what you said?” Samantha asked.
“How do parents do this,” Ron repeated back, his inflection flat this time.
“Parents, Ron, parents. You’re counting yourself as a parent now, not a step parent, a genuine parent in your own right. And I think that’s as good a sign as any that you’re committed to being a parent to Terry Jr. I’ve always believed that you could be a good father if you only let yourself be, and it sounds to me like you’re willing to let yourself be a good father now. And all that aside, Ronnie, I love you , not some mythical perfect father for Terry Jr.”
Ron felt water leak between his fingers and begin to roll down his wrists. He was crying. Ron pulled his hands away from his face and began to dash at his eyes, trying to wipe away as many tears as he could. They just kept coming. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and took in a slightly wet deep breath. He released it slowly and lowered his hands to his lap.
“I killed a man tha-that looked like Terry Sr in front of Terry Jr, and then I said, ‘Who’s your daddy now?’” Ron put his hands down and looked a horrified Samantha in the eyes. “I did that.”
Samantha stared at him, mouth agape, for several horrible, gut-wrenching moments. “Okay, um, that is a lot to unpack. What do you mean by, `he looked like Terry Sr?’”
To the best of his ability, Ron began to explain everything they knew and had found out about Terry Sr. When, remarkably, Samantha seemed ready to forgive him for that, Ron admitted to Yoshi-kicking her son to save his own life. This had sparked a flash of anger in her eyes, and for a moment, Ron had wondered if he had finally found her breaking point.
“Wait, would you mind clarifying something for me? Why did you,” she paused, and looked upward with a slight shake of her head, “Yoshi-kick Terry Jr?”
Some of the tension drained from Ron’s shoulders, so relieved was he that Samantha had not just kicked him out the moment he had admitted that he had threatened the life of her son. Then he tensed back up again, because he should want to get kicked out, it would be better for both Terry Jr and Samantha. But— it was getting harder and harder to believe that, even for him.
“So, um, we had been captured by jock orcs, and they put us in this cage on a fire spit after rubbing us in butter and spices and stuff, Henry had actually tasted great. So, um, we managed to break the locks off the cage— Terry Jr did a fantastic job of breaking one of them! But then we had to jump five feet to get out, and um, you know me, I’m not very athletic. So I asked Terry Jr to carry me on his back when he jumped, and you know Terry Jr, he’s a good kid, so he agreed. But then, uh, I guess he timed his jump poorly, because he was going to miss the edge. I— so I kind of… Yoshi-kicked off of him so I could make it. He fell into the web of plants that Henry had set up, but he could have been real hurt.”
Samantha closed her eyes. “That is quite a lot to unpack,” she said, “I need to think about this.”
Ron nodded, then realized she couldn’t see it. He started swinging his legs to release the nervous energy that he could once again feel building up in his chest. He wasn’t even quite sure what he was nervous about anymore, thanks to how reassuring Samantha was. It was like nothing could truly go wrong when he was in her presence.
“Okay, okay. I can truly understand where you’re coming from, not wanting to risk making more mistakes with Terry Jr. You’ve worked hard to get your relationship with him to where it is, and you don’t want to risk losing that. So instead, you’re trying to choose to leave before you get left.”
Ron’s mouth dropped open as he felt his soul being stripped bare. He closed his mouth again, as he had nothing he could say in his defense.
“I say that only so that you can understand why I am so willing to forgive you for what you did while you were fighting for your lives— which is another reason for clemency. I know you respect my opinion immensely, and I’d like to give you mine on what you should do, will you listen?”
“Y-yes, of course I will,” Ron stammered.
Samantha quirked her lips up and placed a hand on Ron’s. “I think you should stay. You’ve been a good influence on Terry Jr, and not only that, Terry Jr has warmed up to you— has even come to love you. He wouldn’t have done that for nothing, and for that alone I think you should stay and learn how to grow as a father. But on top of that, I love you, and I selfishly think you should stay for me.”
By the time Samantha had concluded her speech, Ron had noticed the tears that were once more streaming down his face. He reached up to dash them away again, then put his hands back down. Avoiding his tears was something of a lost cause at this point; he may as well lean into it.
“Do you need a handkerchief, love?” Samantha asked, beginning to dig through her pockets.
Ron nodded and accepted the piece of cloth she handed to him. He blew his nose, then allowed himself to just cry into the material for a bit. As the tears flowed out of his eyes and into the handkerchief, he felt the miserable knot of guilt and anxiety begin to loosen its stranglehold on his chest. He was coming free.
“How can you just forgive me?” Ron had to ask.
“How can I not?” Samantha asked in return.
Ron shrugged, raised his hands to gesture helplessly, then stopped and lowered his shoulders and hands. Samantha— she’d told him why she could forgive him. It was still a little hard to believe, particularly the parts where she told him she loved him. But he knew it must be true, it must be. Otherwise nothing made any sense, like why would she fight so hard for him to stay if she didn’t love him? S-so she must love him, and if she loved him, then maybe everything else she said was true. Ron nodded and took Samantha’s hands into his own.
“I’m, uh, sorry I made such a big deal of everything,” Ron said, feeling a little sheepish now that he’d been convinced that everything would be okay.
Samantha squeezed his hands. “We should let Terry Jr know that everything is alright.”
Ron winced as he remembered what Terry Jr had said to him, but he agreed and got up to follow Samantha back to Terry Jr’s room.
Terry Jr was slouched back on his bed, his arms crossed, and his face set in an expression that was both intimately familiar and deeply cutting from the time before their journey to Faerun.
“So am I down a dad again?” Terry Jr asked sullenly.
Ron shook his head. “I’m sorry I worried you,” he said. “It’s just— there are so many incredible dads out there, and you’re such an incredible kid, that it feels like you deserve to have one of those dads.” Ron sucked in a deep breath, determined to plow on ahead despite the rising fury in Terry Jr’s expression. “But your mom helped me see that it doesn’t work like that. I-I’m your dad now and that means we’re stuck with each other.”
Some of the anger faded from Terry Jr’s expression, and he shook his head. “You’re still being mean to yourself! Like don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy that Mom convinced you to stay, but I’m not stuck with you! I want you!”
Ron had already felt so much that day that he could no longer even feel appropriately ashamed or embarrassed by what Terry Jr had said. All he could do was pat Terry Jr on the head and say, “Thank you, son.”
“And Terry Jr, you might not like it when Ron is mean to himself, but aggressively pointing it out every time he slips into self deprecation won’t solve anything. I think we both understand that you do it because you care, but that doesn’t make it anymore productive,” Samantha said.
Terry Jr groaned. “We get it, you’re a therapist. But I mean, I guess I’ll do my best to not be so aggressive about it.”
“You don’t have to point it out at all, you know,” Ron pointed out.
“Of course I do,” Terry Jr said, “how else will I get you to stop?”
Ron groaned and buried his face in his hands. No one else had ever cared so much about the things he said about himself. He thought that Samantha might care as much too, but when he was around her, he rarely felt like saying as many mean things about himself. It was different around Terry Jr, who used to be another source of mean things— Ron was having a hard time adjusting to the fact that Terry Jr was now against his self-deprecation.
Terry Jr yawned, though he seemed to be trying his best to suppress it.
“Now that you know your, uh, dad won’t be going anywhere, do you think you’ll be able to rest now?” Samantha asked, squeezing Terry Jr’s knee through the covers.
Terry Jr nodded, though he had a glum expression on his face.
“Um, what if we uh, all hung out in here and maybe watched something until Terry Jr falls asleep?” Ron asked. He looked down so we wouldn’t have to see Terry Jr or Samantha’s expressions in case he had made a bad suggestion.
“I don’t know…” Samantha said, trailing off. “Terry Jr really does need proper rest.”
“Please, Mom? I’ll fall asleep so much easier with both of you nearby,” Terry Jr said.
Ron looked up at this, taking in the dubious look on Samantha’s face and the pleading look on Terry Jr’s. “If the goal is to get him to sleep, then maybe we can try this for a bit, and if it doesn’t work, we can just leave Terry Jr alone so he can fall asleep.”
“Alright,” Samantha said, “let me go get my computer so I can put something on in here.”
Terry Jr grinned. “Thank you!”
Ron glanced around the room for somewhere to sit and turned towards the desk chair.
“What are you doing?” Terry Jr asked.
“Er— I was going to sit in the desk chair?”
Terry Jr shook his head. “You’re supposed to sit next to me so we can all see the computer when mom brings it,” he said, patting the ample space on the bed next to him.
Ron glanced at the wheels on the desk chair, then shrugged, going to sit down where Terry Jr had indicated. The position had Ron facing the wall, which definitely seemed worse for seeing the laptop, but he’d already upset Terry Jr so much that day that he didn’t want to complain.
“Ron, what are you doing?” Terry Jr asked again.
“Sitting where you told me to,” Ron said.
“No, no, you need to put your feet up on the bed and turn to put your back against the headboard, like me,” Terry Jr said.
“Oh, okay,” Ron said with a lopsided grin.
This position was much more comfortable, and better for seeing the laptop that Samantha was setting up, so he kicked off his shoes and did as instructed. As he settled into the spot indicated by Terry Jr, Terry Jr wrapped his uninjured arm around Ron’s shoulders. Ron felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. This warm feeling in his chest only grew more pronounced as Samantha settled in on Terry Jr’s other side, reaching behind Terry Jr’s back to put her arm around both their shoulders.
This was his home, these were his people, and nothing would take them away from him, not even himself.
