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Kise stared at himself in the mirror and sighed. Pushing his fringe back, he pulled a face at himself in the glass. He hadn’t changed, had he? To himself, he looked the same as ever. And nothing else in his life had changed. So why was Kasamatsu avoiding him?
Letting his hair flop back down over his forehead, he shook his head sharply. It was probably nothing, but he still felt the little licks of uneasiness crawl slide down his spine as he walked back into the bedroom and found Kasamatsu not there anymore, despite it only being five minutes since he’d heard his boyfriend waking up.
They’d been dating for a little over five months now. Kise was happier than he’d ever been, and Kasamatsu had seemed happy too. Until he’d started putting distance between them, around three weeks ago. It was subtle, but Kise had noticed. Kasamatsu no longer woke him with a morning kiss when either of them stayed the night at the other’s apartment. He no longer hugged him in the kitchen when he was making food for the two of them. He wouldn’t look at Kise as often, and his smiles had become less sincere, more forced, which sent a lance straight to Kise’s heart every time he saw them.
The blond knew Kasamatsu was busy and stressed out with university, what with it being his first year and all. Kise was busy as well, being in his third year of high school and newly appointed captain of the basketball team, as well as trying to decide what he wanted to do after he graduated. University was looking like the main goal, but he wasn’t totally set on where or what to study.
But that didn’t explain everything away. Had he done something wrong? He couldn’t think of anything else that could be the problem, and he was worrying. Kise sighed and made the bed since he had nothing else to do. A little note on the nightstand caught his attention.
I’m late for class. See you later? Sorry!
Kise wished his boyfriend could have told him that himself. He’d clearly been awake and in the bathroom for the last thirty minutes, showering and brushing his teeth. Maybe he had done something wrong. He was pretty sure it wasn’t in the bedroom; that was the only place they seemed to still be doing well at the moment.
Feeling dejected, he went to make a cup of coffee and found the mail placed on the kitchen counter for him. On the top was the magazine he’d recently done a cover shoot for. He grimaced seeing himself smiling and happy on the front cover when all he wanted to do right now was wallow in self-pity. But, knowing his sisters liked it when he kept these things so they could look through them when they came over, he placed it on the bookshelves with the others, tucked away in a corner. His modelling had increased recently, his popularity slowly growing. Maybe that was the problem, he mused, as he poured a generous amount of cream into his coffee. Maybe Kasamatsu didn’t like him showing his face to the world. Or the time he had to spend away on modelling jobs.
He told himself he’d decline the next shoot, try and cut back on it in case that was the problem. And he’d do something else. Make dinner tonight, or something. Kasamatsu’s favourite meal and a special dessert. They hadn’t had a meal like that in a while.
Decided, Kise nodded to himself and headed out for school, hoping he could somehow fix whatever it was that he’d done wrong.
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Kasamatsu sighed as he snuck out of Kise’s apartment. He wanted to stay, wanted to curl back up with his blond and just sleep the day away, but it was impossible. University was taking up most of his time.
And… he sighed again as he glanced back at the front door. And at the same time, he didn’t want to be around Kise right now. He loved his boyfriend, wanted him with everything in him, but that was also the problem. It was a well-known fact that Kise was too good for someone like Kasamatsu. The blond modelled, was a genius at basketball, even if his academic grades weren’t the highest. He was cheery and brought people together and had them smiling before they’d even realised it. He had so many talents, so many of them unconscious, and was generally quite perfect.
Kasamatsu had been amazed when the blond had accepted his confession. After his graduation, he’d told himself he’d admit to the blond how he felt. And when Kise had shown up to his graduation ceremony unexpectedly, all smiles and hugs and even with a congratulatory present of a specialised basketball jacket with ‘Captain’ written on the back from him and the rest of the team, he hadn’t been able to stop himself. Kise had taken it well and accepted almost instantly, stunning his ex-teammate into a happy, shocked silence.
They’d been together ever since and Kasamatsu hadn’t been happier. Until the murmurs had started. He wasn’t good enough. He knew that. But he was doing his damn best. But Kise was too gorgeous, too kind. Kasamatsu couldn’t do anything for the blond. He couldn’t provide anything in return for all that the blond had done for him. It left him feeling insecure. Especially when he saw Kise’s face fall whenever he couldn’t smile back, couldn’t say anything to his jokes for fear of blurting out his insecurities. When he woke up and found Kise bringing him breakfast in bed despite the blond being sore from the night before, all happy and glowing. When Kise did so damn much, and Kasamatsu was left feeling selfish and like he did nothing but take.
He didn’t even know how to do something to repay the blond. Whenever he offered, Kise always said he didn’t need anything else, that just Kasamatsu was enough. But how could that be true? How could one person need so little? He did nothing for the blond, nothing to warrant the love he was given in return. He felt like a con-artist. Kise’s light was too bright, too pure, for an unworthy lover. He could have someone so much better. The many models he met on his shoots. Any of his Teiko teammates, like Aomine who he knew that Kise had had a crush upon at one point.
So why had Kise settled for Kasamatsu? The older boy didn’t know. Everything was churning in his gut, in his heart, and he was pretty sure he’d explode soon. So he had to stay away, create some distance between the two of them so he could sort out these issues. It hurt, especially when he saw Kise’s eyes dim, the golden orbs no longer shining like the sun, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t hurt the blond worse with careless words and thoughts.
Maybe it was best if he left Kise. Even saying that, he knew he couldn’t let go. But if Kise let go of him… Sighing, he rubbed a hand down his face and sat down blindly in a seat, having somehow managed to make it to his lecture even in his haze. Snapping his mind out of his contemplation, he focused on work, on taking notes, letting the drone of the professor’s voice drown out the murmurs in his head.
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Kise smiled to himself as he made Kasamatsu’s favourite dinner: meat and potato stew. The cakes he’d bought, strawberries covering them since it was another favourite of Kasamatsu’s, were in the fridge along with a bottle of wine. He glanced at the clock. He had ten minutes before his boyfriend had agreed to come over.
The door opened five minutes later, signalling Kasamatsu’s return.
“In the kitchen!” Kise called out, serving the dinner up on to plates. “I made dinner!” he announced proudly as Kasamatsu walked into the kitchen, looking exhausted.
“Thanks, Kise,” Kasamatsu sat with a sigh.
“You okay?” Kise sat opposite him, pouring a small glass of wine and reaching for Kasamatsu’s hand. He suppressed his hurt as Kasamatsu’s hand flinched back from his, switching smoothly into reaching for his wine glass. But Kise had caught it.
Drawing his hand back to his side, he speared a potato and fiddled with it a little.
“Fine. Uni was exhausting,” Kasamatsu replied, sipping his wine. His boyfriend looked as beautiful as usual. Dressed in the school uniform still, the top three buttons were undone to give glimpses of sharp collarbones, the bottom tucked against the flat, hard stomach leading into the grey trousers that shaped narrow hips beautifully. Kasamatsu knew how every inch of it felt under his fingertips and warmth slid through him, but it was quickly chased away by more insecurity. His body would never match the model’s aesthetically. He was too short, too narrow. His eyes were too grey and dull, his face plain. He could never match his lover in physical appearance. And he knew it shouldn’t matter. They weren’t together just because of looks. But it still ached in his chest.
“I see,” Kise replied softly. Normally, he’d ask questions, try and understand every inch of his lover’s day. But Kasamatsu’s reply had been short and unwelcoming, and insecurity was still bubbling in Kise’s blood. So he stayed silent and forced himself to eat instead.
“I’ve got to go,” Kasamatsu said twenty minutes later as they finished their stew. Kise looked up, surprised. “I’ve got a load of work to do for tomorrow that I won’t get done if I stay here.”
“But…” Kise saw Kasamatsu’s eyes dart to the door and understood. His lover didn’t want to stay. “Alright,” he agreed, not mentioning the cakes in the fridge or the pain in his stomach as he watched Kasamatsu leave looking almost… relieved.
He cleaned up, ignoring the cakes in the fridge. He’d deal with those when he wasn’t feeling so fragile. His relationship was falling down around his ears and he didn’t know how to fix it.
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Kasamatsu returned home, the sick feeling in his gut twisting. That had been a disaster. He really didn’t know what he was doing, how he was going to fix this. Maybe he couldn’t.
The thought sent pain through his heart. He wanted Kise, loved him. But how could his love be enough? Kise deserved so much more than him. And it hurt Kasamatsu irreparably.
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The thoughts wouldn’t stop, and Kasamatsu thought he was going insane. But all he could think of was Kise, was how the blond needed someone so much better than him. And he couldn’t do anything but give in.
So, three days later, Kasamatsu had somehow drawn up the courage to do what he thought was right, and he would let Kise go. He hadn’t seen his blond for the last two nights, and his phone had been screamingly silent with the lack of texts his boyfriend had stopped sending him. He hated the silence, even as he took it as another sign that Kise didn’t need him, could find better than him.
So he stood in front of Kise in the model’s kitchen, watching the blond smile and feeling his heart bleed as he took a deep breath and prepared to give himself up for Kise’s happiness.
“Kise, I… I’ve been thinking a lot and I… I need a little time… I think we need to spend some time apart,” Kasamatsu forced the words out, feeling as if he were about to vomit.
Kise felt his heart crack, but kept the smile on his face. “Oh,” was all he could reply with.
“I want you, I do. But I just need to think about where my life is going, where everything fits in.”
“Where I fit in,” Kise corrected quietly. “I see,” he couldn’t look at his ex-captain any more. “That’s fine, Kasamatsu. Honestly. Whatever you need.”
Kasamatsu couldn’t look at Kise either, else he’d have seen the usually so strong shoulders slump, the golden eyes normally as bright as the sun dim until it was just a dull, flat gold that one couldn’t even see their reflection in.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
“No, no,” Kise forced a laugh, turning his back so he could hide the tears that had started and wouldn’t stop. His voice remained normal for the moment, and he thanked fate for small blessings. “It’s fine. Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”
Kasamatsu felt his stomach churn at the last words. They weren’t what he had expected. “I… you don’t have to wait for me,” he forced out. “If you find someone else…” he had to stop before he vomited. Why was he saying what he didn’t mean? Kise couldn’t find someone else, as much as Kasamatsu knew it would be the best thing for the blond.
Kise felt the final piece of his heart dissolve into dust. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he nodded, reaching into the fridge and blindly groping for the bottle of wine still in there.
“Alright, then,” Kasamatsu nodded, looking up to stare at Kise’s shoulders as he rummaged in the fridge. The blond was taking this so well. Kasamatsu couldn’t help but wonder if the younger boy had wanted something like this, but hadn’t been able to say so. “I’ll… I’ll go.”
“Okay,” Kise nodded, but still didn’t turn around. Kasamatsu didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure he wanted to look at himself either.
“I’ll see you around?”
“Sure,” Kise nodded, his voice almost breaking, praying Kasamatsu would leave so he could cry openly.
As Kise heard the front door shut behind his now ex-boyfriend his knees gave way and he landed heavily on the floor, resting his head on the fridge door as the tears came fast and earnest, leaving him no way out as his sobs took over his lungs, making it difficult to breathe.
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Kasamatsu sighed in relief. He’d done it. Kise would be fine without him. He’d made things better for the blond.
But even as he thought that, he knew the words weren’t true for himself. Little voices in his head were screaming for him to fix the enormous mistake he’d just made. But he couldn’t turn back now. He was doing this for Kise. If he couldn’t give the blond anything else, he could give him this.
But the pain in his chest left him a silent, aching mess as he curled up on his bed at home and pretended that he hadn’t just fucked up, imagining Kise just holding him and providing warmth as he whispered happy words into his ear. Closing his eyes, he stayed like that for a long while before exhaustion took him under to sleep.
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The next few weeks were painful for both boys. Kasamatsu threw himself harder than ever into university work, giving himself literally no free time where his brain could wander to painful subjects. But that didn’t stop him from being reminded of his model when he saw someone with blond hair, when he saw a magazine with Kise’s face on it, whenever he played basketball with his new friends and wished Kise was there to laugh and play with him.
He regretted his decision, even as he believed it had been the right thing to do, that it was the best thing for Kise. It didn’t mean he didn’t reach for his phone every hour to call to blond and beg for forgiveness, but Kasamatsu loved Kise to the point where he’d sacrifice himself just for the blond’s happiness.
Kise was also a mess. He’d taken a break from modelling, unable to put on a happy, carefree front while his heart was still in splinters. Basketball practise was also painful, so he’d taken a week off from that, knowing he couldn’t lead his team in his current state. They’d all offered him support, but Kise couldn’t tell them what was wrong and they couldn’t have fixed it anyway.
One night he left his apartment, the ghosts haunting him, and headed to the nearest basketball court, knowing he should practise else he’d be in trouble. But his body was heavy, unwilling to move, and he ended up just sitting on a bench, staring at the stars and wishing with everything in him that Kasamatsu would just come back to him.
“Kise-kun?” a quiet, polite voice broke into his thoughts and Kise instantly stiffened, glancing down at his old teammate.
“Hey, Kurokocchi,” Kise said softly, forcing a smile onto his face. “It’s been a while.”
“What are you doing here, Kise-kun?” Kuroko replied softly, instantly knowing something was wrong. Kise’s voice sounded off.
“Practising,” Kise shrugged as he spun the ball in his fingers, focusing on that. He couldn’t look at Kuroko. He knew if he did the blue eyes that saw everything would see his fractured heart. “I’ve gotta get better to beat you and Kagamicchi.”
“Kise-kun,” Kuroko sighed. “Please don’t lie to me.”
Kise’s eyes met his and Kuroko practically felt himself recoil at the sheer misery in them. “What happened?” Kuroko demanded, taking a step closer. For all of his expressionlessness, he did like and respect his ex-teammate. Kise might be overly-friendly a lot of the time, but he meant it well.
Kise shrugged. “Nothing in particular,” he forced out, somewhat proud of himself as his voice didn’t break on the lie.
“Kise-kun,” Kuroko warned softly.
“No, Kurokocchi,” Kise shook his head. “You can’t fix this. No-one can. It is what it is and I’m okay with this. Don’t worry about me.”
“You can still talk to me about it,” Kuroko offered.
Kise’s lips flattened into a thin line as he shook his head, but knew he was pretty much gone when he met blue eyes again. “Kasamatsu doesn’t want me anymore,” Kise whispered, stopping the ball which had been spinning on his fingertips. “He broke up with me.”
Kuroko was surprised. The last time he’d seen the couple they’d been as happy and as silly as love-infatuated people could be. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” Kise slumped on the bench with a sigh, feeling the tears well yet again. He was sick of crying. Sick of not knowing. Sick of being sad. “I must have done something wrong. But I don’t know what I did. And I can’t figure it out. I don’t know how to make this right, how to make him forgive me for whatever I’ve done.”
“Are you sure you did something wrong?” Kuroko asked quietly, sitting next to the blond. The blond was freezing, in nothing but a thin t-shirt and sweatpants.
“I don’t know what else it could be,” Kise replied hopelessly. “I… I need him, Kurokocchi,” he admitted, hanging his head. “I can’t focus without him around. I’m a wreck.”
Kuroko sighed. “Come with me,” he said, wrapping his fingers around the cold wrist and tugging him up. “We’ll help you sort this out.”
“We?”
“Kagami-kun and I,” Kuroko replied.
Kise hesitated, but Kuroko’s blue eyes shone up into his, so steady, so trustworthy, and Kise gave in with a nod. He followed Kuroko back to his apartment, where Kagami was waiting with dinner.
“Kise?” Kagami sounded confused, but dished up another plate of food without any complaint.
Kuroko explained the situation quietly to Kagami as Kise, not really hungry, picked listlessly at his food. But, to his surprise, it was delicious and before he knew it he’d eaten the entire plate.
Kagami sighed, leaning back in his chair as he finished his own meal and passed a beer to the other two. “I’ll go talk to him,” he offered. “See what’s up.”
Kise stared at Kagami, his eyes watering again. Kagami looked a little uncomfortable. “For now,” he continued, “You can crash here. Kuroko’s room is clean,” he added and the blue-haired boy nodded in agreement.
“You’re exhausted, Kise-kun,” Kuroko added softly. “You should sleep.”
Kise nodded listlessly and followed Kuroko through to the bedroom. Kagami threw him some spare clothes and he changed, collapsing in bed and crashing into sleep before he could even think of thanking the other two boys.
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“How will we find Kasamatsu-kun?” Kuroko asked quietly after confirming that Kise was indeed asleep.
“Call him,” Kagami shrugged. “Kise’s got his phone on him. Get his number off that.”
Kuroko nodded and snuck back in the bedroom to grab Kise’s phone.
Twenty minutes later, Kuroko and Kagami had Kasamatsu’s number and were dialling his phone.
“Hello?” Kuroko felt a quick wave of relief as Kaijo’s ex-captain answered the phone.
“Kasamatsu-kun? This is Kuroko,” he murmured down the line.
“Kuroko? What’s up?” Kasamatsu was confused. What would Seirin’s shadow be calling him for?
“It’s about Kise.” The words tightened his stomach.
“Is he alright?”
“Frankly, no,” Kuroko replied and Kasamatsu felt his stomach tie itself into a million knots. “He’s very upset over your breakup.”
“But-,” Kasamatsu was lost. He’d thought Kise’d be fine. The blond was strong, didn’t need him.
“Why did you break up with him? I thought the two of you were very happy. Kise’s convinced he’s done something wrong.”
“He’s done nothing!” Kasamatsu exclaimed. What was Kise thinking? “He does everything,” he explained with a sigh, his head dropping back to rest against the court fence. He’d been practising basketball, trying to get the blond out of his head, trying to remove his regrets, to exhaust himself with exercise. It hadn’t been going very well until the call. “He… I can’t do anything for him,” he admitted, staring up at the few stars peeking out from the clouds. “He needs someone so much more than me.” His throat tightened at the confession, but he knew it was true.
There was silence for a long moment.
“Are you stupid?” Kuroko’s voice finally broke the quiet. Kasamatsu heard a faint exclamation in the background and frowned.
“Excuse me?”
“Kise-kun was happy with you,” Kuroko explained slowly, like he was slow and stupid. “Those walls he keeps up finally went down. Anyone could see it. And yet you’re saying you don’t provide enough for him? The entire point of a relationship is to give and take. If Kise-kun was unhappy, he would have told you so.”
Kasamatsu sighed, “I just… I can’t hurt him,” he whispered, fingers clenching into a fist.
“You’re already doing that,” Kuroko replied calmly, and a little cruelly. But he understood Kasamatsu’s emotions very well, having felt that way a few times before. He looked up at his light, who was tidying up the kitchen, prepared to step in at any time. Kuroko held his hand out and Kagami took it without hesitation, sitting down across from him and pressing a gentle kiss to his fingertips. Kuroko flushed a little, more grateful than he could ever express for his lover. He sighed down the line. “Would you please just come to the park near Seirin at one tomorrow? I’d like to sort all of this out. You can hear what Kise has to say for himself.”
“I…” Kasamatsu wanted to say no, wanted to do what was best for Kise, but his own emotions, his own need to see the model took away any resistance he still had. “Okay,” he agreed, defeated.
“Kagami-kun will wait for you at the south entrance. See you tomorrow,” Kuroko snapped his phone shut, ending the call.
He sighed and Kagami came closer, pulling him into his body. “Same as you?” he guessed.
“Insecure,” Kuroko nodded. “He thinks he’s not good enough for Kise-kun.”
“Well, we’ll have to persuade him like I persuaded you,” Kagami murmured, lifting his face gently for a kiss.
“Thank you, Kagami-kun,” Kuroko murmured softly, body relaxing into his lover’s. “I love you.”
“I know,” Kagami replied with another soft kiss. “I love you too. Anyway, let’s sleep. We’ll probably need plenty of patience tomorrow.”
Kuroko sighed and nodded, but his eyes flew open in surprise when Kagami swung him up into his arms and started to carry him through the apartment to their bedroom.
“And I’ve got none tonight,” Kagami warned before dropping Kuroko onto the bed. Kuroko’s body exploded in heat as he gave himself up in Kagami’s arms, the pleasure enveloping the both of them until they lost themselves to the other.
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Kise woke the next day with Kuroko gently shaking him awake and bringing him breakfast – well, lunch – in bed.
“Would you come with me?” Kuroko asked around twelve-thirty. “I want to talk to you.”
Kise nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets as he followed Kuroko out of Kagami’s apartment. The redhead had apparently gone out to get groceries, and Kise just followed Kuroko meekly until he was shown to a bench in the local park.
Kagami had, obviously, not gone to get groceries, but had fetched Kasamatsu and led him to some bushes behind the bench that Kuroko had sat Kise down on.
Kasamatsu felt like he’d been punched in the face as he saw Kise’s worn-down appearance, eyes dark and usually so proud stance curled up around himself. He looked… miserable. What had he done?
“I spoke to Kasamatsu-kun last night,” Kuroko murmured and Kasamatsu found his stomach churning. What exactly was going on? Kagami just stood there, leaning against a tree as he also listened in on their conversation. “And you did nothing wrong. Kasamatsu-kun believes he’s unworthy of you, and as such wanted you to find better.”
Kasamatsu listened, feeling sick to his stomach.
"He thinks he's not good enough for me?" Kise echoed in almost a whisper, his face falling as his eyes lost the last of their spark. "How could he think that?"
"You are a model, Kise-kun," Kuroko pointed out pragmatically. "It isn't unnatural that he would think himself less beautiful."
Kise shook his head. "But that stuff doesn't matter. We weren't together for the looks. And Kasamatsu's beautiful to me. What do I care about beauty? I'd already started to cut down on the modelling jobs, they were taking so much time away from us."
Kasamatsu felt another blow to his stomach. What had he done? He'd been so wrapped up in himself he hadn't even noticed the blond doing something as huge as that. For him.
"There is also your basketball prowess," Kuroko added, as if he knew exactly where to hit Kasamatsu the hardest.
"So? Basketball meant nothing to me until him. Teiko was fun, but he made me realise what you already had, Kurokocchi. He gave me everything: a team, a reason to love the sport, a reason to improve myself. I'd never have got so far without him. I'd never have been able to stand up to Aomine if he hadn't been there. And yet he thinks he's not enough for me? I'm not enough without him."
Kasamatsu felt his own heart break as he saw the tears trickling down Kise's face. He'd made the blond cry. He felt like the worst kind of criminal. Kise couldn't cry, he wouldn't allow it.
About to storm out there, he was stopped by Kagami's hand on his wrist. Kasamatsu glared at Seirin’s ace, tugging his wrist but Kagami motioned for him to wait for a moment.
"Did you ever tell him this?" Kuroko murmured.
"No," Kise sighed. "It is my own fault. But I was just so happy... I assumed Kasamatsu was as well. But I need him, Kurokocchi. What do I do?"
"Wait here for a moment," Kuroko murmured and headed over to Kasamatsu’s and Kagami's hiding place.
"We've done everything we can," the shadow said softly, his eyes impassive as he looked up at Kasamatsu's face, still staring at where Kise was slumped on the bench, head bent down as he pressed a hand to his eyes and waited.
"Thank you, Kuroko, Kagami," Kasamatsu murmured, knowing if it wasn't for these two he'd never have figured it out. It made him feel a million times worse, that he'd been and could be oblivious and hurt the one person he'd vowed never to. "I'm sorry I fucked up so badly."
"We all do," Kagami replied with a shrug. "Just try not to do it again, yeah?"
Kasamatsu nodded and, physically unable to wait any further, left the two of them and slid through the bushes to his blond. He’d fucked up so badly. How could Kise ever forgive him after this? He’d hurt the blond so badly. He felt tears of his own well up and his hands were sweaty as he finally reached his partner. How was he to fix this?
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Kise didn't look up as Kurokocchi came to stand in front of him.
"What do I do, Kurokocchi? I'm so lost."
Warm hands closed over his and his head flew up in shock. Watery grey eyes met his and his tears spilled over again.
“Kasamatsu?” he whispered, voice breaking. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” Kasamatsu whispered, feeling the tears finally break. “I was listening just… Kuroko and Kagami beat some sense into me. I’m so so sorry Kise. I fucked up. I hurt you, and I hurt me, and I’ve got no excuse.”
“No. Kasamatsu, no,” Kise replied, hands coming to hot cheeks, wiping the tears away. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I could have told you all of this from the start.”
“I… I don’t know,” Kasamatsu admitted, dropping his head. “Kise…” Kasamatsu shuddered, expecting to be pushed away. “I need you so much. But I can’t give you everything you need-,”
“No!” Kise’s hands forced Kasamatsu’s head up, suddenly angry gold eyes blazing into grey. “Stop that! You are good enough for me! You’re more than good enough for me! You are what I need. I’ve told you this before. Please.”
Kasamatsu shuddered again, stomach churning. “I’m sorry. I just… Kise.”
Gold eyes softened, hands gentling. “Let me prove it to you. Come back to me.”
“Why would you have me back? After all that I did… I fucked up so badly.” Kasamatsu couldn’t comprehend it. He’d known the blond was kind natured but this… this was further than anything he’d ever considered. He knew he’d never forgive himself if he were in Kise’s shoes.
“Because I need you,” Kise replied softly. “You make me happy, Kasamatsu. You provide me with everything I need. I can’t lose you now.”
Kasamatsu felt his heart shift and he lost it completely to the blond shining at him.
“Kise,” his head fell down again. “I love you so much it scares me.”
Kise’s heart stopped and his breath hitched. Had he really heard that right?
“Kasamatsu…” he slid off the bench to his knees before his lover. “I love you too.”
Grey eyes met his and Kise felt like crying in happiness. “Don’t go,” he pleaded quietly.
Kasamatsu shuddered and then his arms were around Kise and he was holding on as if he’d never let go again. “I won’t,” he promised brokenly, pressing his face into Kise’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Kise whispered quietly, pressing soft kisses everywhere he could reach. “Just take me home. Take me home, and be mine.”
Kasamatsu nodded and they both stood up shakily, holding on to one another for support.
“I’m sorry,” Kasamatsu said, again.
“I know,” Kise murmured quietly, “Please stop apologising. I… I understand where you were coming from. Just don’t go away again. Talk to me. I don’t think my heart could survive this again.”
Kasamatsu shuddered, clutching onto his blond with all the strength left in him. “I promise,” he agreed quietly.
Kise’s hands gently cradled his face and they sealed the deal with a kiss, soft and gentle and careful.
“Take me home,” Kise repeated quietly.
Kasamatsu nodded and took one of Kise’s hands in his, sliding his fingers through Kise’s longer ones. He’d fucked up, but he’d also somehow fixed it. Kise had forgiven him. And that had soothed him more than anything else ever could have.
Kise’s heart pounded, all tears gone, his heart relieved. He knew this probably wouldn’t be the end of it, but with this, they were okay. They could fix this, and move on. And as long as Kise had Kasamatsu by his side, he was the happiest he could ever be.