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Chanhee had always wanted to punch someone.
And I’d do it again, bitch! had been an exciting sentiment at the time, but after watching his hand bruise and swell, fingers aching with a stabbing pain, then having to get an x-ray, learning that he had fractured his knuckles, and subsequently getting stuck in a cast, Chanhee reconsidered that stance.
At least his cast was handsome enough, as far as casts go—baby blue to match his favorite pair of colored contacts. And Kevin had ordered special markers with the promise of drawing a pretty design on it for him. Chanhee would still be stylish, cast be damned.
Things could be worse, Chanhee knew. He’d dealt with enough dance practices while wearing a knee brace to be thankful that it wasn’t his leg that was immobilized in a cast, but it was still hard. So many of his choreography point parts involved graceful hand movements that he couldn’t perform.
Little things were hard too, with his dominant hand injured. Writing notes, whether for himself or for the fans, was nearly impossible at first, until he got the hang of it—though his penmanship was sorely lacking. He ordered more delivery because he couldn’t chop vegetables to cook with. And even—
“Do you know how hard it is to floss when one of your hands is in a cast?” he whined.
Younghoon’s nose wrinkled. “I… am not going to floss your teeth for you.” He had been helping Chanhee with the little things, with the patience of a saint, but evidently he drew the line at sticking his hands in Chanhee’s mouth, which, come on.
“I wasn’t asking you to!” sniffed Chanhee. He was more than capable of taking care of himself. Hadn’t the members joked that he was like their mother, the way he was always taking care of them? Even with a broken hand, even with everything more difficult than usual, he could manage just fine.
Aside from Younghoon, who was always soft and sweet about the way he offered to do things for him, Chanhee bristled at anyone’s attempts to help him—not least of all Sunwoo, whose idea of help was to roll a strand of Chanhee’s hair between his fingers, declare it more brittle than usual, and wonder loudly if maybe Chanhee was struggling in the shower. “Do you need someone to apply all your fancy hair care products for you, hyung?”
Chanhee would smack him, except, well, that was how exactly he ended up in a cast, wasn’t it?
The next day found him sprawled across Changmin’s bed, scrolling idly through his phone while Changmin fed his fish. He let his feet knock repeatedly against the wall until Changmin set the fish food aside to grab Chanhee’s feet and forcibly press them back down onto the mattress. Just best friend things.
“Don’t kick the wall.” Changmin’s tone was playfully chiding. “When did you become such a violent thing, hmm?”
“You’re worse. You bite people!” protested Chanhee.
“Only sometimes.” Changmin snuggled into Chanhee’s side, burrowing his nose into Chanhee’s hair before pulling back with a quiet “ah!” Carding his fingers gently through Chanhee’s dyed locks, he asked, “Do you want me to help you with your hair stuff?”
It was much softer than Sunwoo’s earlier attempt, sincere in a way that didn’t set Chanhee’s teeth so much on edge. He and Changmin loved to tease each other, but this didn’t feel like that. It felt genuine. As loath as Chanhee was to admit it, he had been struggling a little in the shower. It was hard with only one hand. He glanced quickly at Changmin’s eyes—wide and full of earnest affection—and made a decision. “Okay. That’d be… That would be nice, thank you.”
He let Changmin lead him into the bathroom, let Changmin swap out Eric’s toiletries in the shower for his own, let Changmin secure the waterproof cover over his cast. While Changmin started the shower to let the water heat up, Chanhee turned around to step out of his clothing.
They had seen each other naked before. Sharing showers wasn’t uncommon between the members. But Chanhee always felt shy about it, at least for the first few minutes. It was different once they were actually inside the shower and the hot water had steamed up their vision some.
He skirted around Changmin to get into the shower, then sighed happily as the hot water hit his body. Changmin followed him in a moment later. “Is the temperature good?”
Chanhee hummed an agreement, instinctively stepping to the side to let Changmin have some of the water stream. It was simply good shower-sharing etiquette—a habit drummed into them during their pre-debut days when Kevin would try to hog all the hot water and Sangyeon would scold him relentlessly for the party foul.
“Shampoo?”
At Changmin’s prompting, Chanhee passed him the bottle. He was used to having his hair washed at the salon, but it felt different with Changmin. His fingernails scraped gently at Chanhee’s scalp, and Chanhee let his eyes flutter shut to enjoy the pleasing sensation.
Chanhee was more than capable of taking care of himself, but it was nice, being cared for. It felt an awful lot like being loved. Being loved by Changmin was especially nice.
It was conditioner next, and then a masque that Changmin worked through Chanhee’s hair with careful fingers. “Does New take care of Q, or does Q take care of New?” he cooed—a reference to an old debate they’d had during Giddy Up promotions.
“I take care of you,” replied Chanhee automatically, because he did. Usually.
“You do,” agreed Changmin, much more easily than Chanhee was expecting. His hands paused at the nape of Chanhee’s neck. “That’s why I wanted– I wanted to return the favor. I wanted… ” His voice trailed off uncertainly, tugging at Chanhee’s attention.
Chanhee turned to face him. Through the spray of the shower head, he studied Changmin’s face. Every familiar line. Water droplets caught in his lashes. His lower lip worried between his teeth. Without thinking, Chanhee reached out to tug on his lip, pulling until Changmin released it with a rushed breath.
Fingers still pinching Changmin’s lip, Chanhee met his wide eyes and found something that looked almost like vulnerability in their depths. “What did you want?” he asked quietly.
Everything hung for a moment.
Then Changmin blinked. “I wanted to take care of you.” As he spoke, his lip slipped from Chanhee’s grasp.
“Does New take care of Q, or does Q take care of New?” echoed Chanhee. Musing.
“I call for you more than a hundred times a day,” Changmin reminded him, and Chanhee laughed, remembering the claim Changmin had made those years back. “Whenever you’re not here, I always ask where you are.”
Chanhee wondered if it was true.
Flustered, he grabbed the soap, doing his best to get a one-handed lather going, before Changmin reached around him to take the bar from him. “I can do it for you.”
Chanhee let him. His heart quivering like a newborn bird inside his ribcage, he watched Changmin roll the bar of soap between his hands. Once he worked up a lather, Changmin set the soap aside and raised his gaze to meet Chanhee’s. Despite the hot water, Chanhee found himself shivering. Anticipating.
Changmin touched his shoulders, hesitant hands on slippery skin. “I can do it for you,” he repeated quietly. Intently. He ran his hands down, eyes following as he rubbed the soap across Chanhee’s chest.
When Changmin’s thumbs grazed past his nipples, Chanhee sucked in a sharp breath, and Changmin’s eyes jumped back to Chanhee’s. It felt like they were on the precipice of some shift, something that there would be no coming back from if they decided to push it further.
Curiosity twisted Chanhee’s guts. Was it wrong of him to hope that Changmin would push it further? He held his breath, waiting.
Slowly, Changmin sank to his knees, never once taking his eyes off of Chanhee’s. His hands slid to Chanhee’s thighs. There was something reverent in his touch. Chanhee felt delicate and precious, needed and adored. Heat bloomed in his chest. Mortifyingly, he felt his dick twitch. Even with his gaze locked with Chanhee’s, there was no way Changmin could’ve missed it from his proximity.
But Changmin said nothing. He washed Chanhee’s legs with that same reverent touch, eyes still fixed on Chanhee’s. Then, after the water rinsed off the soap, he leaned forward, eyes fluttering shut to press a soft kiss to the juncture of Chanhee’s tummy and hip.
Chanhee gasped as though burned. He wanted, helplessly, to live forever in the feeling of Changmin’s lips against his skin, but then Changmin was getting to his feet.
Cheeks flushed a bright red, Changmin grabbed the soap again and gestured for Chanhee to turn around. “Let me wash your back.”
Chanhee turned, grateful to hide his face for a moment. A confused sort of desire raced through his body as Changmin’s hands worked soap over his back, fingers pausing to press on either side of his spine. Changmin was his best friend. He shouldn’t want more. An internal debate he’d been having for years. But in the end, he’d always known there was no use in wanting more because he could never have more. Changmin would never–
“You’re trembling,” observed Changmin. He squeezed the back of Chanhee’s neck, holding him in place for one charged moment.
“Changmin…” Chanhee couldn’t stand it anymore. He turned quickly, then had to catch himself on Changmin’s arm as his feet half-slipped on the tile floor. His fingers gripped Changmin tightly. “Don’t tease.”
Changmin’s mouth fell into a petulant little shape. “Who’s teasing?”
“Why did you kiss me?”
“Because I wanted to.” Changmin’s answer was automatic. Honest.
Chanhee’s breath caught in his throat. Hope spread its wings in his chest, tempered by uncertainty. “But why?”
Changmin’s brow furrowed. “I just wanted to kiss you. Does it matter why?”
“Yes!” insisted Chanhee. He felt wild with his desperation to get a straight answer from Changmin. “It matters, because I always want to kiss you! I always want– ” He bit his tongue, gaze skittering nervously to the side.
Changmin was silent for an agonizingly long moment. Then he lifted his hands to Chanhee’s face, molding his fingers around the shape of his jaw and cheekbones. “Kiss me?” he asked softly. “Please?”
Chanhee lurched forward. His nose bumped Changmin’s. Their breaths mingled. No coming back.
He kissed him.
Changmin’s hand slid around the back of Chanhee’s neck, keeping him close as he deepened the kiss, tongue probing inquisitively at the seam of Chanhee’s lips. Chanhee opened up easily for him. He wanted anything, everything Changmin gave him. Arms dropping to Changmin’s waist, he pulled their bodies flush together. Wet skin against wet skin. He didn’t think, not caring about their nakedness or the water or anything except for having Changmin as close as possible.
“I want you all the time,” Changmin whispered into Chanhee’s mouth. “I want to take care of you. I want– I want everything.”
The words sent a thrill through Chanhee’s body. “I want to give you everything,” he promised. It would be easy. His heart was already Changmin’s. Everything else was just background noise.
Changmin pressed closer. Chanhee could feel his hardness against his thigh. Another thrill rushed down his spine. Reluctantly, he moved away, laughing when Changmin chased after his mouth with a pitiful whine.
“We should finish showering,” he told Changmin firmly. “Then we can– ” He blushed to think about it. “– continue our conversation.”
“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
“Yah, Ji Changmin!” Chanhee went to flick Changmin’s shoulder, but Changmin caught his hand, brought it to his mouth to kiss the fingers tenderly. Chanhee’s heart fluttered.
They finished showering quickly, stumbling from the bathroom wrapped up in their towels and each other. Changmin seemed unwilling to remove his hands from Chanhee’s body, and Chanhee savored every touch. Together, they sprawled onto Chanhee’s bed.
“So.” Changmin placed his palm flat against Chanhee’s sternum. “About that conversation you wanted to continue…”
Chanhee rolled his eyes. Even with this new development, this new angle of their relationship that they were exploring, Changmin was still Changmin. Familiar and comfortable. Someone who Chanhee knew with absolute certainty. A fierce affection burned in his chest.
Tugging on the edge of Changmin’s towel, Chanhee was unable to hold himself back from saying it. “I love you.” Perhaps the words should’ve felt heavier, but to Chanhee it was easy. Simple. Without fear. Because it was true. He loved Changmin in so many ways—an all-encompassing entity that spread through his body without edges.
Changmin looked so pleased to hear it, face flushed with a shy happiness. “No, you.” He leaned down to catch the corner of Chanhee’s mouth in a kiss. His own little way of saying I love you, and Chanhee knew it.
Changmin’s hands roamed eagerly over Chanhee’s body, caressing every inch of bare skin, breathless wonder in his eyes like he couldn’t believe he actually got to have this.
Chanhee knew exactly how he felt. “Changmin.” He arched up, encouraging Changmin’s touch. “Will you… I want– ” There were no words for what he wanted. He wanted to feel Changmin over every inch of skin, wanted to taste him, wanted to come apart under his hands.
“I can do it for you,” promised Changmin in a raspy voice. He lowered himself to his elbows. His breath ghosted hot against Chanhee’s thighs. He looked up at Chanhee with eager doe eyes. “I want to suck you off. Can I, please?”
Chanhee groaned, his hips kicking. Changmin hadn’t even touched him yet. “Please. God, Changmin-ah.”
“I’ve never…” Changmin worried his lower lip between his teeth. “I don’t know if I’ll be good.” He laughed helplessly. “I feel like the technique isn’t exactly the same as eating pussy.”
The foul language sent arousal flaring through Chanhee’s body. Something hot and possessive unfurled inside of Chanhee as he imagined Changmin going down on someone else. He hooked his leg around Changmin’s torso, pulling him close. “I know you’ll do so good for me,” he said confidently, and Changmin laughed again.
“I just hope you’ll like it.”
“I’ll like it.” There was no question about it in Chanhee’s mind. “Because it’s you.”
Changmin squirmed. “Fuck, Chanhee.” His dimple popped on his cheek as he ducked his head. Bashful. Chanhee had half a mind to tease him for it, but then Changmin kissed him just below his bellybutton, and every thought flew out of his brain. Changmin’s mouth was soft, lips parting to lathe his tongue over Chanhee’s skin as he worked his way downwards. He was tantalizingly slow, and it felt deliberate, coming close to the base of Chanhee’s dick then moving away again.
He’s trying to get me worked up, realized Chanhee with a sudden spark of clarity. It was working. The blood in Chanhee’s body felt too hot for his skin, rushing south until his erection was aching with the need for attention. '“Changminnnn,” he whined.
He could feel Changmin smiling against his skin. “Have some patience, Chanhee-yah.” He pressed a kiss to the inside of Chanhee’s thigh, then a second one, higher, his cheek almost touching Chanhee’s balls.
“Don’t tease.” Throwing his casted arm dramatically over his head, Chanhee let his other hand find Changmin’s face. His fingers curled around his jaw, thumbing gently at the divot of his dimple, lifting his face to look in his eyes. An overwhelming sense of fondness welled inside of him as their eyes met.
Changmin’s smile widened into a grin. “Who’s teasing?” Call and response. His fingers found the base of Chanhee’s dick, squeezing lightly until Chanhee gasped. Slowly, he put his lips to the tip—a soft kiss that sent something white-hot rippling down the length of Chanhee’s spine to pool deliciously in his belly. Changmin explored the shape of his cockhead with his tongue, licking the underside tentatively at first, then with increasing confidence as Chanhee moaned. Emboldened, he slid his mouth down the side of Chanhee’s length, smearing spit and precum, then took him fully into his mouth.
“Oh my god.” Chanhee’s breath hissed through his teeth. His fingers found purchase in Changmin’s hair, tightening as he fought the desire to thrust up into his mouth.
As if he could read Chanhee’s mind, Changmin moved his hands to his hips, holding him firmly in place. Swirling his tongue, he hollowed his cheeks and hummed experimentally. His fingers brushed against Chanhee’s tummy, then suddenly dug in.
Chanhee squirmed, a shocked laugh bursting out of him. “Don’t– ” He tugged on Changmin’s hair. “Don’t fucking tickle me! Not while you’re sucking my dick, oh my god!”
Changmin persisted for a moment longer, holding Chanhee down as his body bucked, before relenting. Eyes fluttering, he took Chanhee deeper, hungry in his desire to have him, until Chanhee hit the back of his throat. A low noise—unbearably turned on, nothing Chanhee had ever heard from him before—tore its way out of his chest and fanned the flames of Chanhee’s arousal.
“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna– ” warned Chanhee.
Changmin pulled off his dick with a shy smile. “That’s kind of the point, isn’t it?” When Chanhee hesitated, he flicked his tongue over the tip of his cock and insisted, “I want to taste you coming on my tongue.”
Chanhee swallowed thickly. “That’s nasty.” Heat crawled up his neck as he imagined it. “You’re nasty.”
Changmin’s smile turned sharper. Self-satisfied. “Thank you.” He dropped a kiss to the tip of Chanhee’s dick, his lips coming away wet with precum. “Well? Will you?”
“Will I what?”
“Come on my tongue.”
Chanhee’s stomach swooped. His blood thundered through his body. He forced himself to huff and roll his eyes. “Well, if you want it so badly– ”
“I do,” interrupted Changmin. His gaze glittered with a dark heat. “I want it so badly.”
Who was Chanhee to deny him? It was all too easy to let go as Changmin took him again into his mouth, letting the pleasure roll through his body, building in his belly and racing all the way to his fingertips. Every nerve was on fire, primed and ready, just waiting for Changmin to bring him over the edge.
What Changmin lacked in experience, he more than made up for with enthusiasm. His wanton hunger drove Chanhee wild, because there was no denying how desperately Changmin wanted him, how happy he was to have Chanhee’s dick in his mouth. Drooling, he glanced up at Chanhee, gaze shiny and electrifying.
“Oh, oh, Changmin!” Chanhee wailed softly. He was almost there. His fingers curled into Changmin’s hair, needing him closer.
Changmin slid deeper over him, letting his tongue extend past his lips to lick at the length his mouth couldn’t take. Again, he moaned—a resonant sound of helpless arousal that made Chanhee burn, his tummy tensing.
“I’m– ” was all the warning Chanhee could muster before he was coming, dick pulsing against Changmin’s tongue as Changmin did his best to swallow around him.
He didn’t quite succeed. Cum spilled down his chin and Chanhee’s softening dick. The sight was positively filthy, sending a perverse thrill through Chanhee as he came down from his orgasm.
Changmin whined—low and needy in his throat—and continued to suckle at Chanhee’s cockhead until the sensitivity became too much. “Ah, that’s– ah!” Chanhee tugged sharply on Changmin’s hair, urging him off.
Changmin let him go with a breathy sigh. Blissful. Almost absent-mindedly, he licked across his chin to catch the remnants of Chanhee’s cum. Then he blinked rapidly and asked, “Was I good?”
“Oh my god, you were so good.” Chanhee pulled him up into his lap to pepper his face with kisses. He could taste himself on Changmin’s lips, could feel Changmin’s erection poking into his tummy. “You should… I wanna get you off too,” he murmured, reaching to take Changmin in hand.
Changmin’s breath hissed through his teeth as Chanhee’s fingers closed around his dick, thumb playing at his slit to smear the precum already starting to drip. “Chanhee.” He said his name like a prayer, soft and reverent. “Can I…”
Chanhee kissed him languidly. “Can you what?”
“I want– ” Changmin adjusted himself in Chanhee’s lap, rutting his dick along Chanhee’s thigh experimentally and groaning. “Can I? Like this?”
“What do you– oh.” The realization made Chanhee blush. Changmin wanted to get off by humping his leg. He found the idea hotter than he should have, probably. Still… “You don’t want me to blow you?” he asked with a small frown.
“Next time,” Changmin assured him. “Or the time after that. There’s so much I want to do with you.”
The promise of a next time, and a time after that, and a whole future with Changmin to figure it out and try things, made Chanhee’s heart flutter. He pressed his mouth to the shell of Changmin’s ear. “Maybe next time you can fuck me,” he suggested in a sultry whisper, and was immediately rewarded with a violent shiver shuddering through Changmin’s body.
“Please,” whined Changmin. He rocked his hips, grinding his dick against Chanhee’s thigh. There was a shaky desperation to his movements that made Chanhee want to lift him by the hips and drag him more roughly over his leg.
Curse his broken hand.
Instead, he made do with gripping Changmin tightly by the shoulder and kissing him frantically, letting Changmin pant into his open mouth as he humped his way closer to orgasm. “Come for me.” His tongue flicked against Changmin’s teeth as he murmured the command. “Come on, baby, I know you can do it.”
Changmin came with a high-pitched cry, choked and beautiful. His cum landed on Chanhee’s thigh and tummy in thick ropes; they would definitely have to take another shower.
“So pretty,” praised Chanhee. His hand slid to the back of Changmin’s head, fingers stroking through his sweat-slicked hair as he kissed him again. He would never tire of getting to kiss Changmin. What a pleasure of life it was. He pulled back just enough to drop a featherlight kiss on Changmin’s nose, grinning when it made Changmin giggle.
“Chanhee.” There was no mistaking the affection in Changmin’s voice. “I love you too.”
It wasn’t so different from being best friends—the natural evolution of their feelings for each other. Their closeness. Changmin had long felt like home to Chanhee. This was just another way of coming home.
Later, after they had showered a second time and were curled together in Chanhee’s bed, Changmin drummed his fingers against the hard shell of Chanhee’s cast and asked, “Can I draw something?” Head tilted to one side, he flashed the most winning puppy eyes that Chanhee had ever seen on him.
Chanhee thought about the cast art Kevin had promised him, the markers coming in the mail, but only for a moment. “Okay.”
He found a set of sharpies and handed them over to Changmin, closed his eyes and let himself not think about it as Changmin took his arm in hand, fingers gentle as he found the perfect position to begin drawing. Chanhee focused on the quiet sound of the sharpie tip scratching against his cast, the warmth of Changmin’s breath on his skin.
It was so comfortable, Chanhee might’ve fallen asleep, except then Changmin was moving away, recapping all the sharpies and proclaiming himself to be finished. Chanhee cracked an eye open, took in Changmin’s proud beaming face, and instinctively smiled back. Flipping over, he examined his cast.
Changmin had covered it with his drawings: a penguin, a poodle, a smiley face, a heart, the sun and moon, a tiny cross just like the tattoo on Chanhee’s pinky, and right across the palm, two fish that appeared to be kissing. Chanhee laughed when he saw it. It was so sincere and silly and sweet—just like Changmin himself.
“They’re us,” Changmin explained in a serious tone. “The fish.”
Chanhee immediately pursed his lips, making a fishy face at Changmin. “Blub blub blub,” he said intellectually.
Changmin swiftly swooped in to kiss him. “Blub blub,” he parroted back, and Chanhee laughed again.
“I love them.” I love you. “Thank you for making my cast so pretty.” It wasn’t as pretty as Kevin would’ve made it, Chanhee knew, but it had its charm. And every time Chanhee looked at it, he would be reminded of how much Changmin loved him.
“I hope I never have to draw on a cast for you again. You’re not allowed to break any more bones,” Changmin informed him. “No more punching people, okay?”
“You would’ve punched her too!” protested Chanhee.
Changmin frowned but didn’t deny it. “It makes me sad when you’re hurt,” he said instead, pouting. “You don’t want to make me sad, do you?”
“You’re unbelievable.” Chanhee said it fondly. “Okay, fine, you goblin. I won’t break any more bones.”
“Good.” Mollified, Changmin took Chanhee casted hand in his, bringing it to his lips to kiss the exposed fingers.
Chanhee wiggled them back at him. “My precious goblin,” he cooed, then squealed when Changmin bit one of his fingers, mouth stretched into a wide grin.
A little I love you.
And the next morning, when Kevin’s special markers arrived and he bounced excitedly into Chanhee’s room, only to discover that Chanhee had already let Changmin decorate his cast instead, Chanhee couldn’t even find it in himself to feel bad about it.
He just nudged his toes against Changmin’s leg and shrugged. “Sorry, Kevin, but Changminnie made a very compelling case.”
The secret smile Changmin gave him was brighter than the sun.
Chanhee would be happy to live in it forever.