Archive of Our Own ^beta

“We had this stupid assembly today about mental health and it was like two hours long," Miya says suddenly. He, Reki and Shadow were currently watching Langa do trick jumps on the ramp at S, distracted into silence until the youngest had spoken. The blue haired boy jumped higher each time. They didn’t take their eyes off of him even as Miya kicked a rock into a nearby fence. 

“Two hours? That’s a bit much. Kids these days need to learn how to get over their feelings, they won’t be able to handle the real world," Shadow says in his usual rough tone. Reki tries for a laugh but it comes out lazy.

“Weren’t you the one who cried over your manager for a month when she got a boyfriend?” Reki drawled out unimpressed, knowing he was the last person to complain about handling feelings.

“At least I didn’t cut my wrists over it," Shadow snaps back. The insult wasn’t directed towards Reki but the redhead still feels a stab in his chest. He looks away from the ginger uncomfortably. 

“Don’t joke about stuff like that, man.”

“I’m not trying to offend anyone, it’s just out of all the ways to cope, why hurt yourself?”

“The speaker today said it can help distract you from the emotional pain, it’s not like they do it for fun," Miya says, then backtracks after a second thought saying, “Well, maybe they do.”

“They can’t workout instead? That distracts you too, and gives you a positive outcome.” Shadow flexes his muscles for emphasis.

“Actually there was a girl in my history class that pretended to cut herself and posted all about it on Snapchat," Miya continues, ignoring what the older man had said. “Whatever she wanted to happen worked though, people wouldn't stop talking about her for weeks ," He lets out a groan of annoyance.

Reki’s not sure what to think about people faking stuff like that so he decides not to comment on Miya, “Pretty sure there’s more on their minds than working out. Lots of dark brain clouds, you know….” He pokes his temple as Shadow gives him a side eye.

“-And this one guy apparently kept saying he was gonna kill himself when his girlfriend wanted to break up with him-“ Miya adds, not catching the looks the two older men give him.

“Stay away from those kids, squirt, they may seem in need of help, but there’s no saving them.”

‘ That’s a bit dramatic ,’ The redhead thinks to himself. He stands up and leaves without as much as a wave, heading over to Langa who had just finished on the ramp. He’s covered in sweat, and he’s completely out of breath, but Reki still thinks he looks beautiful.

“Reki! Did you see me?” The blue haired boy asks excitedly. Reki gives him a weak smile.

“You did great out there, dude, just like always.” Langa frowns at his dejected voice. He reaches forward and grabs Reki’s hand, a habit he picked up after realizing the other boy ran away often. And despite his love language being touch, he can’t seem to get used to Langa’s soft hands.

“Is something wrong?” Langa’s voice brings him back, ‘observant as always’ , He thinks sarcastically. Reki scratches the back of his head with his free hand. He hated making him worry…

“Nothing! Just tired from that test today, don’t have enough energy to sound excited is all," He plays off. Langa doesn’t say anything about it but nods anyway.

“We should go home soon anyway, it's getting late,” The blue haired boy remarks, checking his watch for the time.

“Yea, I’m sure Miya is already bothering Shadow for a ride back.” They both look over to the other two skaters by the fence to see Miya tugging on Shadows' hair obnoxiously. Langa reluctantly drops his hand, making them both feel cold.

“He’s gonna cost us our ride," Langa says dryly.

“Hey, twirp! Leave him alone, I'm not planning on skating back home!” Reki yells, running off to stop the younger boy from attacking the aging man.

—————————————————————

Reki can’t stop thinking about what Shadow had said after he gets home. The words kept replaying in his head while he showered, and changed into clothes, and laid in bed.

“At least I didn’t cut my wrists over it”

He’s pretty sure if Shadow were to meet someone who self harmed, he wouldn’t actually make fun of them. Maybe it was just his way of showing he cared? Tough love wasn’t bad. It was a weird way of showing it, but Reki’s dad had been the same way. It didn’t mean Shadow was a bad person.

But it still scared him. Ever since he met the older man, they’d had a rivalry because of beefs at S, so they made fun of each other all the time. Reki would make fun of his face makeup and crush on his manager while Shadow would make fun of his skating.

It had always hurt, Reki had been insecure about skating ever since he started, but he’s sure he hurt Shadow back with the jabs about his manager. He wasn’t entirely innocent himself. Reki wonders….

If Shadow knew about the scars on his wrists and thighs, would he make fun of him?

He’d been teased about it plenty in middle school when he started. It only caused him to start wearing long sleeves even though the island always had sunny weather. The scars on his wrists weren’t very noticeable at first glance, but the thick white scars stood out on his tan skin when you were up close so he stuck to wearing sweatshirts and avoiding water for a while.

He never told his mom, he was too scared to bring it up. Scared she would call him stupid, scared to even talk about it if she was supportive. He didn’t like talking about his feelings much. His family knew he had his bad days. Days where he could barely get out of bed. Days where he forgot his bento and skipped school to sit at the skatepark. Days where Koyomi teased him for being dramatic when he had a scowl on his face. He didn’t think they’d understand, he didn’t have time to be sad anyway, he had the twins and his grandmother to watch over when his mom went to work.

He didn’t think of the cutting as a big problem anymore. It wasn’t such a big deal now that he was older. Back in middle school it seemed like the end of the world the first time he brought a razor to his wrist. How low did you have to be to hurt yourself at such a young age? He knows now the depression had been from loneliness and insecurity, it had been especially bad in his early teen years.

As he got into high school, the cutting slowly stopped, until he only did it occasionally.

Skating helped. It was something new to focus on instead of all the dark thoughts he had. If he had wanted to cut himself, he’d take his skateboard out and practice until he was exhausted or fell. It wasn’t necessarily healthy, but it helped. If he couldn’t skate, he’d find something else to distract himself with.

He had been clean for a little over eight months, ever since he became friends with Langa. It was the longest he’d gone since he started. He was proud of himself, but at the same time he felt like he didn’t deserve the praise. With everything that had been going on, teaching Langa to skate, and everything with the tournament, he’d honestly just forgotten about it. He’s sure his dad would say something along the lines of, “If you wanted praise you shouldn’t have done it in the first place.”

His dad wasn’t around often, usually at work or business meetings out of town. Reki didn’t mind, he preferred when he was gone. His dad was the type of person who “didn’t believe in mental illness”, and hated people who didn’t do anything with their lives, so Reki was a disappointing child in his eyes.

Of course the man would never say that to his face, but the redhead had heard plenty of conversations he had with his mother growing up, talking about how he was “lazy” and “didn’t have any potential” and was “wasting his time skating”.

Reki tried not to let it get to him, he and his dad were never close, so it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did, but he was still his Dad, and his opinion meant more to him than other peoples. Hearing it made Reki upset with himself.

He didn’t know how to be better. He was never that smart in school, but he got average grades and had never failed a class. He had a job, and he was making his own money. He even had a hobby that he was talented at. There wasn’t much else Reki wanted to do for himself(other than get his mental health together). He liked his life(when he wasn’t in utter misery).

Letting people like his dad and Shadow hold him down were reasons why he was so insecure in middle school. He knew if he kept worrying about what they’d say, he’d never grow but it was hard to ignore old habits.

He’s sure if he said something to shadow, or even Joe or Cherry, it could all be sorted out and he could forget about the lame joke. Part of him told himself just to ignore it, it wasn’t like Shadow would keep making jokes like that. He didn’t want to be a snitch anyway.

Getting bored of mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, he turns off his phone to attempt to go to bed.

He doesn’t sleep much, so he memorized his posters in boredom.

—————————————————————

Reki didn’t usually hang out at Sia La Luce without Langa but he needed tutoring for school and the other boy was sick.

As much as Reki enjoyed the company of the cute tutor at his school, she distracted him too much so he didn’t learn anything. Plus, his mind raced a mile a minute in that quiet ass school library.

Usually, he hates asking people for things, especially people he looks up to, but Joe had suggested Cherry tutor them. Apparently he was really smart, and he was free on Wednesdays.

Reki sat at the restaurant booth in boredom. His math worksheet staring back at him with blank answers. Cherry had worked through the equation steps for him, helped him with the first problem, and told him to figure out the next one himself. Then he left him at the table to go bother Joe or something and now Reki had no one to talk to. He debates how quickly he can sneak out of the restaurant without the two knowing. Cherry has his back turned towards him, giving him a clear path of the exit. He just need to pack up his things and be on his way-

That is, until Miya walks in holding a large backpack on his back. The black haired boy spots him quickly and sits down in front of him. No escaping then…

“Miya, you’re smart, do you know how to do the quadratic formula?” The 12 year old looks at him with horror, as if math was the last thing he wanted to hear about.

“ The what? Do that later, be my partner for this survey for school.” He pulls out a sheet from his backpack, Reki wonders how many folders he has in the giant thing, it was bigger than him.

“ Ooo , survey? Does that mean I get to answer questions?” He asks excitedly, pushing his own worksheet away. His math will have to wait until later….if he ends up doing it.

“Yes, question one: what is my relation to you?”

“…..You can’t write that down yourself?” Reki asks slowly.

“ You have to answer the questions, slime.”

“Jeez, okay, I guess we’re skating friends? Are your teachers gonna ask why you hang out with a 16 year old?”

“It’s not like I’m putting your contact info down, they won’t know how old you are.”

“So this is anonymous?”

“To my teacher, not to me.” He hears Reki mutter out a quiet ‘obviously’ but he ignores it. “Question two: what’s one thing that’s bothered you today?”

“Uh, I guess my math homework-oh! And I left my pe shorts at home so I had to borrow some from the teachers office and they were super shor-“

“I said one, slime. Question 3: In the past two weeks, have you felt down or depressed?”

“What kind of question is that?” He asks in confusion.

“Just answer it," Miya says impatiently. Reki rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. I guess?” The thing from last night was still on his mind a bit, but he wouldn’t complain to Miya about that.

“Is that your answer?”

“Yes.” Miya takes a moment to scribble down some answer, he still hasn't looked up from his paper.

“Okay. Question four: have you ever taken drugs before?”

“ What? I’m not answering that," Reki says annoyed. “What kind of surveys does your school make you do?”

“It’s for my mental health unit, just answer the stupid question.”

“Can’t you ask like Joe or something?”

“I have to ask someone my own age, and Langa is sick.”

Reki so desperately wants to ask him why he doesn’t just ask his other friends, but he remembers all those tiny comments Miya had made about friends being pointless. He doesn’t want to embarrass the younger boy.

“Fine, no to question four.” Reki decides, crossing his arms. Miya didn’t need to know about all the stuff he did, not like his teacher would know if he’s telling the truth or not. Miya narrows his eyes at him suspiciously like he knows he’s lying but writes it down anyway.

“Question five: Do you have trouble falling or staying asleep.”

“No.”

“ Liar! ” Miya yells, causing customers nearby to stare at them. “Stop lying to my survey!”

“Your survey won’t be able to tell if I’m lying!” Reki retorts, crossing his arms defensively.

“But I will! I’m putting yes, question six: have you ever thought about hurting yourself?”

“ I’m not answering your fuckin-“

“ Gentlemen ," A stern voice interrupts. They both look up to see Joe smiling stiffly. “What seems to be the problem here?”

“Uh..nothing.”

“Seems like a lot of yelling for it to be nothing.”

“He won’t answer the questions to my survey honestly!” Miya complains loudly. Reki crosses his arms and glares at him..

“They’re stupid questions, who cares if I lie?!”

“ Enough . I’m not your mother, go figure it out outside, you’re disturbing my restaurant," Joe says with his hands on his hips. Reki packs up his worksheets.

“Forget it. I’m going home.”

“But what about my-“

“Go bother Langa, he loves answering questions.”

“But-!” Joe holds out an arm to the young boy to prevent him from following. The eyes finally look away once Reki leaves the restaurant.

“Let’s leave him alone for now, he has to finish his math homework anyway.”

“Like he actually will….” Miya grumbles in annoyance. Joe ignores it, knowing it’s probably true.

“What survey did you want him to answer?”

“Just a thing for school, I had to ask someone I knew and now that he won’t do it, I have to go track down Langa and risk getting sick!”

“Maybe the questions made him uncomfortable? Can I see?” Miya hands him the paper, less than half of it filled out with his handwriting.

“He lied on like half of them.” Miya crosses his arms. Joe can tell Reki was giving bland answers, he’s not sure how Miya would know that Reki is lying though.

“Well, Reki isn’t known for talking about his feelings, is he?”

“They're just questions, though! He didn't have to get all defensive...” The boy trails off, making Joe sigh.

“They might have been uncomfortable, I don't remember ever having a mental health unit in school.”

“New curriculum…” He explains in a low voice.

“I see…” Joe looks down to the young boy who somehow looks angry and upset at the same time. “It’s probably best you go see if Langa is up for it.”

“Okay….” Miya packs up his work, taking the paper from Joe, and leaving feeling dejected. After apologizing to the nearby customers for the rowdy teens, he walks around the bar to the pink haired man giving him an all too knowing look.

“What was that all about?” Cherry asks, his hand lightly stirring a glass of white wine. Joe swears the man is always drinking….

“Just teenage drama.”

“Where did Reki go? I was supposed to check his work.”

“I told you, you have to sit with him. You should know better than to leave him alone where he can escape.” Joe gives him a lazy smirk, walking past back into the kitchen. Cherry lets out an annoyed huff.

—————————————————————

“-And then he just ran out the first chance he got! He’s such a slime! ” Miya recaps loudly. Langa thanked the blanket wrapped around his head, otherwise his eardrums would be hurting. The sick boy shifts in his bed, the filled out survey sitting on his lap.

“Maybe Reki was just uncomfortable with the questions, but didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings," His voice comes out raspy and low. Miya hands him the glass of water by his bed.

“Why didn’t he just tell me that? I wouldn’t have gone through all that trouble.” Langa hands the cup back after taking a sip.

“Reki doesn’t usually like talking about stuff like that. They don't teach about it here.”

“Yea….I guess he is weird about stuff like that.” Miya fiddles with the pencil in his hands. “Do you think he’s embarrassed or something? He’s one of those guys who refuses to talk about their feelings?”

“I don’t think so, I think he just grew up like that so he’s just not used to it. I used to be like that, but I’ve gotten a lot more open about my feelings after moving here," Langa tells him. Miya knows somewhat of the story of his dad passing, but Langa had told them before he had been mostly quiet growing up.

“Well, you got better because you talked about it, couldn’t he get better too?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, I don’t think. Everyone’s different, just because it changed for me doesn’t mean Reki would be the same. Besides, he’s not in denial about his feelings or anything, he's just less open about them.”

“So…..I shouldn’t bother him about it?”

“If you’re concerned, maybe tell an adult, isn’t that what they’re teaching you in school?”

“Yea but when you say it, it makes you sound like you’re middle aged. ‘Say no to drugs, Miya. They’re bad for you.’” He mocks Langa's voice.

“Drugs are bad for yo-“

“That’s not the point!”

—————————————————————

Reki had gone home to escape the leeches he called friends at the restaurant. He asked his mom to not let anyone in and shut the door to his room behind him.

Friends could be annoying sometimes. Nobody was perfect, they didn’t know everything about Reki or why something as stupid as a mental health survey would upset him.

He groans into his pillow. He knew his friends meant well. They were a bit stupid sometimes, but even Reki knew they couldn’t possibly know not to bother him about it. Miya was still a kid, he didn't expect him to have everything figured out. Reki wouldn’t hold a grudge against a 12 year old.

He wants to sleep the day off, but it’s only around 4 pm and he hasn’t eaten dinner yet and he knows he’s gonna regret it when he wakes up in the middle of the night but he falls asleep anyway.

————————————————————

Langa notices the dark circles on Reki’s eyes the next day. He had been the one sick but the redhead looked so much worse.

“ Are you okay? ” He asks him in a quiet voice. Reki is slouching in his seat, eyes squinting at the blackboard like he can’t comprehend what it’s saying. He turns his head slowly to Langa and gives him a thumbs up. Either the redhead stayed up all night watching videos again or what Miya had said yesterday was bothering him.

“ Do you still want to go to S tonight? ” Langa whispers to him in question.

“ Of course ," Reki whispers back.

“ Are you sure? You look half dead.”

“My sleep schedule is off.”

“Oh.”

Reki’s sleep schedule was always off, Langa knew that from the dozens of dms and reels he’d occasionally get on Instagram at 3 am. But something tells him this time is different. He doesn't say anything, not wanting to upset his friend. He hopes Reki will open up to one of them before it gets worse.

—————————————————————

Even though Reki still felt like shit, he wasn’t in a bad mood or anything. Waking up at 1 am after a nine hour nap, sweaty and dehydrated was not great, but he ended up actually being on time to class that day since he hadn’t slept the rest of the night.

The lack of sleep started to catch up to him sometime after the evening. An hour after hitting midnight had meant he’d been up for 24 hours. That wasn’t absurd for someone like Reki, but he tried to sleep well the night before S so he could have lots of energy if he was gonna beef.

Langa was currently going up against Joe, both of them right next to each other.

Reki was standing next to Cherry when Miya and Shadow came over to join them.

“Can’t tell who might win, neither of them have made any distance the whole time," Reki says, cutting through the group's silence.

“Both of them are capable of winning against the other. It’s all up to who wants to win more," Cherry observes.

Joe ends up winning by an inch but Reki gives Langa a hug anyway.

“You did great out there, that jump was amazing at the end!” Reki tells him excitedly.

“Yea?” Langa asks starstruck, probably still reeling from the adrenaline. Reki slaps his sweaty back a couple of times for good measure.

“Yea! You’ll get 'em next time!”

“Hey Red, I wanna skate against you next," Shadow says walking up to them.

“Now? It’s getting pretty late already.”

“It’s only 1 we got a couple more hours. What, you scared to lose again?”

“As if I’m scared of you.”

“You just don’t want to be humiliated when you lose, you’ve never won against me before. Miya was right, you know, people who don’t have talent shouldn’t stick to things.”

“Hey….that’s….” Reki starts weakly.

“He’s clearly tired. You’d win anyway, stop playing easy," Cherry criticizes.

“Reki’s not at his best right now, it wouldn’t even be a challenge," Miya adds.

“He still hasn’t beat him at his best anyway, save the beef after he manages to get a full night's rest," Joe comments.

“He almost beat Adam, Reki has grown a lot, Shadow can’t even compete," Langa reminds them.

“Thanks dude, think I’m gonna go home though, didn’t sleep much last night.”

“I’m not driving home early for you, I’m only a quarter tank full ‘cause of you and your carpool cronies," Shadow says in annoyance like it bothers him. Reki knows it doesn’t take much to convince the man for a ride though, but he figures he won’t bother him too much tonight.

“That’s fine, I’ll go find Oka, I saw him earlier.”

“Are you sure, Reki? I can come with you.” Langa holds onto his arm, Reki smiles back.

“You stay here, win a beef for me.”

“Okay. Be safe.”

“I always am!” He smiles and waves goodbye, Langa’s hand dropping from his arm. He stares worriedly at the other boys back as he walks away, feet dragging against the dirt. Langa hopes nothing is actually bothering the redhead-

“That little liar , he’s never safe!” Miya's loud voice cuts through the pale skinned boy's thoughts. “I declare Reki a pathological liar! ” His pointer finger shoots out towards the retreating teenager, almost stabbing Langa in the side, inches away from internal bruising.

“You can’t just declare someone a liar," Cherry lectures, grabbing onto the boy's hood of his sweatshirt like a cat scruff. “It’s not nice to assume things about people, even… ..”

“ Even if they’re slimes ," Miya finishes, dejectedly.

“Good. Gorilla, take his Nintendo switch.”

“ But I apologized! ”

“You didn’t, actually.”

Reki finds Oka talking to a guy by the front entrance next to his car. Reki can’t hear what they’re talking about, since they’re so close to each other, but whatever it is must be interesting.

“Hey, Oka!” Reki calls. The older man looks over and smiles at Reki.

“Hey kid, what’s up?”

“Do you think I could get a ride? Not feeling too well.”

“Yea, sure! Hop in.”

Reki watches from the car for a few minutes as Oka exchanges numbers with the other man until he finally gets in the car.

“Who was that?” Reki asks curiously, definitely not because he wants in on the drama.

“Said he was interested in Dope Sketch and asked for my number.”

“Are you sure it was Dope Sketch he was interested in?” Reki asks. Oka gives him a confused glance.

“What else would he be talking about?”

“Never mind.”

‘ Poor man doesn’t have any social cues, ’ Reki thinks in pity. ‘But that’s none of my business ,’ He dismisses easily, watching the trees as they pull out of the mine.

“So what’s going on, you don’t feel well?”

“Didn’t sleep much last night and the rest were staying. I didn’t want to have to skate home.”

“It’s pretty far, you can always ask me for a ride.”

“Thanks.”

The drive was short, Oka pulled up to the Kyan house slowly. All the lights are already off.

“Thanks for the ride, man.”

“No problem. Try to get some sleep tonight.”

“For sure.”

Reki sneaks in through his window quietly as Oka drives off. He feels tired but not enough to sleep yet. He changes into pajamas and lays against his wall on his bed. He opens Instagram to find reels to watch but a picture of Langa and Shadow at the finish line shows up on Miya's spam account as the page refreshes.

So disappointing to see Shadow lose another race. Slimes need to stay off the track >:P

So apparently he was the only one that couldn’t beat any of them in a race now. Oka had told him it would happen eventually, that’s just how it worked for guys like them, but it was still hard.

Reki had been insecure for as long as he could remember. Before he met Langa, or became a member of s, or even started skating in the first place. After making up with Langa after their fight, Reki’s worries had dimmed when he realized they actually wanted him there. Now that everything had settled down it was like things were back to how they were before. The harmless teasing continued and his friends forgot about his insecurities.

He knows logically if he asked them to stop because they hurt his feelings, they would stop, but he didn’t want to be a bother. It seemed like he was always being a bother for someone. Reki would rather deal with it himself than bring it up.

The more he thinks about it, the more he notices the off handed comments from his friends for the next two weeks.

Half of it wasn’t even about his skating. Reki knew he wasn’t as talented, and it hurt when people joked about it, but he was used to it, it was just a fact. Hearing a comment about his appearance or personality was different though. They felt like insults. Every time Miya said his outfits looked stupid or when Shadow called his body too skinny to skate it felt worse than when they said his skating was bad.

Reki had plenty of experience with bullying. After the accident with his friend, causing him to quit for good, it was like all of his other friends thought he was cursed and stopped hanging out with him. If people from his middle school saw him practicing in the skate park they’d pick on him or beat him up to teach him a lesson.

It had been a huge reason why he’d started self harming. Hearing his close friends make hurtful jokes towards him made him feel in that same mindset. It made him scared he’d do something he’d regret.

—————————————————————

Reki did his best to ignore the urge after thinking about it for the first time in so long. Reki was good at ignoring things, but it was harder when the urge felt so intense.

What made it worse was he still had his pocket knife. He had thought about getting rid of it after he stopped cutting but he kept it for self defense. That was the whole reason his mom had bought it for him. So he always kept it attached to his chain next to his wrench when he wasn’t at school.

He was running late to S. Reki had an errand to run for a Dope Sketch delivery. Normally, Oka would drive them both to S after but he was out of town visiting family for the next two days and the teenager wasn’t as close with the other manager. The delivery was to a bar a couple miles from the store, it didn’t take long to get there on the moped but S was pretty far from the area in general. Plus, Reki had to stop by his house to grab a new board because he had broken the back off while skating to the store.

The night was more chaotic than it needed to be but he was finally home now. He had to be quiet entering, since it was well past midnight and his family was sleeping. He had extra boards by his desk for incidents like accidentally breaking his current one. He’s deciding between choosing the one with the red back or purple back when he spots brownies on his desk.

They’re covered in saran wrap, and there’s no note, so he assumes either his Mom or Koyomi made them earlier and saved him some so the twins wouldn’t eat them all.

There’s two squares of brownies. He opens the wrap and stuffs half of one in his mouth, taking the red board and carefully leaving his window. He’ll eat the other one when he gets back, or share it with Langa if he decides to come over.

He eats the brownie on the way. It’s pretty good, which is surprising considering neither his Mom nor Koyomi are great bakers.

He cruises his way to S, finishing the desert quickly and texting Langa that he’d be there soon.

Part of him wants to go back to the store and drive the moped there. The other part of him is annoyed he didn’t just do that in the first place. Instead of letting the chaos unfold in his mind like usual, he tells himself skating all the way to S is just his warm up routine.

‘I’m gonna pretend I won’t be exhausted by the time I get there, ’ He thinks to himself with a fake, unnaturally large, grin.

He’s skating next to the park he and Langa usually skate at when his brain starts to feel fuzzy. Reki knew it was a bad idea to skate when you felt like you were going to pass out or felt nauseous. He had a tiny scar on his lower lip from falling when he was dizzy, so he stops at the skate park and waits for the feeling to fade but it only gets worse as the minutes pass.

He hears his phone buzzing in his pocket but it’s hard to concentrate when he can’t focus on anything. His vision keeps strobing with every step he takes.

He goes over to sit at one of the ramps where a couple of cats are lounging. He lays down on the cement ledge and pets them as all his thoughts cloud his brain.

He had somewhere he needed to be, but it didn’t bother him. He knew his friends would be out late, they wouldn’t mind if he showed up later.

Maybe they wouldn’t even care if he showed up. They were always saying he was a bad skater and made comments about him every other comment. It was so stupid, just like how it was in middle school. Miya was in middle school, maybe he wasn’t even really his friend, just like how the kids at his middle school weren’t. Maybe they were all just pretending to like him. Maybe they were all making fun of him behind his back. They probably hated him.

Reki rubs at his eyes angrily, finding them wet. He sits up and pats his pants for his phone when he hears it buzzing again. He can’t really see past his wet eyes and it makes him more frustrated.

He finds a pocket knife and a wrench on his chain belt instead. He clicks the knife off with difficulty and twirls it in his hands.

How was he supposed to use this for self defense? Stab someone? Such a strange gift, especially from his mother .

Cutting himself had been a much more convenient use for it. The blade was sharp and he didn’t have to hide it like he did with the razors. It made him wonder why he ever stopped when it was just so useful.

He lifts up his sleeves and looks at the white scars baring his wrists. Some of them were thick and long while others were thin and short. Most were white or fading while newer ones were still pink and purple in the midst of healing.

It was always a strange feeling contemplating whether or not you wanted to hurt yourself. You had to think about where on your body to do it or how you would hide them and wonder how deep or how many you’d make. He was always stressing about the future, like if he had a family beach trip planned he would have to wait until after that to cut. Reki remembers how annoying that had been, he really didn’t have a lot of patience.

Reki didn’t think about any of those things before putting the exposed blade to his wrist and scraping the blade lightly against the cuts. It doesn’t hurt, it mostly just tickles as the rough edge hits the textured skin after every bump. What could be seconds or minutes later, he impulsively grips the handle tighter and slices in the center of his arm. The cut doesn’t look or feel that deep, but blood still bubbles at the wound. He knows he can do it deeper, he has a high pain tolerance so he presses the blade harder the next time. After a couple tries he’s satisfied to see blood finally run off his arm and drip onto his pants and the concrete below.

He makes another cut, and keeps slicing until his arm is bloodied and dripping significantly. He thinks he feels better. His mind feels blank, or maybe it already has. His arm is partly numb, he can only feel a faint stinging covering his arm. The adrenaline is keeping him from being in too much pain but there’s a buzzing pulsing throughout his body.

When he can’t find anywhere else to make a mark, he switches to his other arm. It’s harder with his left hand, especially when he can’t focus on it or move his arm correctly. Some of the cuts are lighter or deeper than he intends, but he thinks it feels good.

He wouldn’t do it if it didn’t.

After his other arm is bloodied he isn’t sure what to do after that. He thinks about pushing his sleeves back down and going home to nap but then his red sweatshirt would be ruined. Wait no, that wasn’t right, this was his yellow sweatshirt. He ignores it and figures he can bleach the fabric when he gets home.

The dizziness gets more intense every time he moves. Except, he's not dizzy actually. He's realized now that he’s high, and in the back of his mind he remembers making a board for his foreign friend from Thailand in exchange for some edibles. He probably should’ve realized that earlier before he ate a whole brownie. He was always forgetting something.

When he opens his eyes again he’s on the ground. He only faintly remembers laying down a second ago. Everything is moving so fast. There’s cats meowing around him, talking to each other, or maybe talking to him. Some of them are rubbing their heads against his hands and legs. His clothes and skin feel grossly sticky. He can't tell if anything around him is real.

‘ I don't feel good, ’ Reki thinks to himself, and for the first time in years, he feels tears pricking his eyes without much thought. ‘ This is scary, I don't know what to do.’

There’s a song that keeps playing near him that keeps turning off and on. He subconsciously hums along to calm himself as he listens to the cats and watches the stars. It takes him a while to realize it’s his ringer. He takes his phone out of his pocket and clicks the accept button with difficulty, since his hands are wet.

“Hell…o?” He slurs into the phone. He doesn’t remember who was calling.

“Hey kid, it’s already almost 2, I thought you said you were getting here after 1. Where are you by right now?” Joe’s voice says through his phone. Reki takes a moment to comprehend what he was asked. “Reki?”

“Uh…hmm, I f’rgo’…..by tha park. In tha park," He says.

“You’re at the park? Are you okay?”

“Fig’red…woul’nt mind.” He closes his eyes as the conversation continues. Joe always talked a lot. His eyelids felt so heavy. Snapping them open and closed helps him be less tired. He’s sure if he tried he could fall asleep right there on the ground, but he's worried he might not wake up.

“Are you okay though, Reki? You sound out of it. Are you drunk?”

“Nah, only drin’ with oth….peo’le at par’ies.”

“Okay, kid. What park are you at?”

“One I go’to with Lah…ga.”

“Okay, what do you see around you? Is there anyone with you?”

“Kitties. Yea…lo’s of them.”

“Okay. I’ll be there soon, stay on the phone with me.”

“Do’t nee’ to. No’ goi’ to S.”

“I’m taking you somewhere safe you can sleep, we’re not going back to S.”

“‘Kay…..”

He lays there for a while, putting the phone on speaker so he doesn’t have to hold it. He pets the black cat next to him for a long time, it keeps him distracted. He was really craving some chips. He’s still not sure if he’s dreaming or not. He felt as if his thoughts were racing a mile a minute, and he couldn't keep up with them.

He doesn’t know how much time passes between Joe’s voice speaking through the phone and petting the cats. He hears a distant motorcycle and a car drive closer and Joe’s voice again when they turn off.

“-eki?”

“Hmm?”

“Where are you?” Joe repeats.

“Ramp," He grounds out.

“Okay. We’ll be there in a minute.”

“‘Kay.”

The phone hangs up but he doesn’t pay it any mind.

“Reki?” He hears voices call out. He’s too lazy to yell back so he just waits until he finds him.

“ Reki! ” A young voice screams. A body drops next to him and there’s hands on his chest. “What the hell happened to you?!” Reki opens his eyes and stares up at Miya in confusion. He feels wet drops fall on his face but he doesn’t remember it raining.

“‘Ur no’ Joe," He says.

“‘Course not, dumbass! We were all worried about you!”

“Do’t worry ‘bout me," Reki says.

“ You’re covered in blood! ”

“Miya! Did you find him!” Langa asks, somewhere in the distance.

“He’s over here!” Miya's watery voice yells out. Reki closes his eyes again as the voice he’s louder and more hands touch his body. It started to get annoying how loud they are.

“Reki, open your eyes.” Reki peaks one over to see Cherry staring down at him with a stern expression. He briefly acknowledges the others kneeling around him. There’s a soft, familiar hand cupping his face, softly rubbing their thumb against his cheek. “Who did this to you, Reki?”

“‘Id wha’?” He asks in confusion.

“Who hurt you, you’re covered in blood.”

“Uhh…..cats? No….” Reki takes a minute to remember where he is and how he got there but not much comes up. “Poc’e’knife.”

“Maybe he got jumped," Shadows says.

“He hasn’t lost too much blood, he might have a concussion from the slurred speech," Joe says.

“Do you not see the blood everywhere?!” Miya screams at the man.

“Reki, do you remember hitting your head? Or someone hitting your head?”

“Jus’ cats," He says.

“We’ll figure it out later, we need to get him somewhere else to clean him up.”

“No hospi’al," Reki says.

“Let’s bring him to the restaurant, it’s closest," Joe says after a moment of debating, sliding his arms underneath the boy and picking him up easily. Reki leans against Joe’s chest as the man takes him to Shadow's car and lays him down in the middle seats. His head rests on something soft, but he’s too distracted to find out who because there’s hands carding through his hair very delicately.

“‘Anga?” Reki asks tiredly.

“I’m here, Reki," Langa’s soothing voice answers from above him.

“In tha car?”

“You're safe now, Reki. Just sleep.” Slim fingers trace against his cheek, making him even more tired. There's people talking all around him, some he recognizes and some he doesn't, but he thinks his brain might be making them up. He's still not sure if what's happening is real, but he knows he's safe with Langa.

“ Di’nt mean to ," He whispers, hoping the other boy heard it. 

“Didnt meant to what?” Langa asks, but Reki’s only catches the first half before his brain goes cloudy and everything goes black.

—————————————————————

When he wakes up he’s in Joe's arms again and he’s being laid down on a bed in the back room of the restaurant. Reki had only been there a couple of times.

“You awake now, kid?”

“Mhhmm," Reki hums.

“I’m going to tend to your wounds now, let me know if anything else hurts," Cherry tells him.

Reki spaces out as a wet cloth gently cleans the blood off his arm. He thinks he’s starting to get some feeling back but he doesn’t pay much mind to it. When the soft stroking stops he turns his head towards Cherry to see what he’s gonna do next.

“ Kojiro…. ” He says. The other man looks at his arm in question and freezes.

“What is it?” Langa asks, looking over to see what they saw.

“Reki, are your wounds self-inflicted?” Cherry asks him. Reki tries to remember, but it feels like holding that knife was hours ago.

“ Reki wouldn’t do that! ” Miya yells in denial. “He probably got jumped by someone!”

“Reki? ” Langa asks the redhead with big scared eyes.

“Thin’ so," Reki replies. “Brou’h my knife.”

“Why would you hurt yourself like that, you dummy?!” Miya’s suddenly right next to him in front of his face. His eyes are watery and his cheeks are wet.

“Mmm….I’don’ remember, old habit. Ge’ hurt a lo’.”

“Hiromi, take Langa and Miya in the other room," Joe tells the man.

“I’m not leaving his side," Langa says sternly.

“I’m not either!”

“Then stay out of the way while Cherry works," He says.

“Come over here, Squirt, the quicker Cherry works, the faster Reki will be fine.” Miya lets himself be guided to the other side of the room by Shadow but Langa stubbornly stays by Reki’s head, stroking the hair out of his eyes.

“Do you know if he’s done stuff like this in the past?” Joe asks Langa quietly.

“I knew Reki was self destructive but I had no idea he hurt himself like this.”

“Easy to hide.” Reki turns his head with his eyes closed. There’s a faint smile on his lips which sets them off. “Can…make a hard bail on purpose, or get….beat up. No one bats an eye at that.”

“ Reki… ..” Langa says sadly.

“Actually…..” Reki starts, making Cherry pause his cleaning. “Forget I said that. Forgot I wasn’t supposed to tell you. I’m high as fuck.”

“You’re high right now?” Joe asks him. “You should’ve told us, we thought you hit your head or something.”

“Accidentally ate a whole edible before I left. I think that’s why I ended up at the park.”

“How do you accidentally eat a whole edible?” Joe asks him with a sigh.

“Where the hell did you get weed in Japan?” Cherry asks instead, taking the laws into consideration. 

“Found it on my desk, dumbass didn’t leave a text," He rambles, then suddenly remembering he was speaking to adults he adds, “Not like I would usually eat that much at a time, maybe only a quarter, or half if I’m feeling it," Reki pauses to look up at Joe. “Do you have any chips?” Joe frowns at him.

“You can eat after, just rest now.”

Reki lets out an annoyed groan, closing his eyes again, he lets his thoughts wonder as Cherry cleans and bandages his arms. 

Some time passes where there’s no hands on him for a while, and then there’s people taking off his sweatshirt, and Langa helps him into a pair of large sweatpants. After a while there’s a chip bag handed to him.

No one asks him any more questions as he watches some show in between Langa and Miya. The blue haired boy has his fingers interlocked with his while the younger clings to his waist silently. If Reki were coherent, he would’ve asked where they were, and why they were there instead of S, but his mouth is dry like cotton and his eyelids were heavy like they were swollen. 

A couple hours pass until Reki can finally think clearly. He knows he’s still high but he's not tripping anymore so he thinks that's good. He doesn’t want to say anything because then they’d ask questions and he doesn’t want to have to answer them. His arms throb under the tight bandages in sync with his heartbeat. He can tell Miya is sleeping by the way his breathing is evened out and his arm has gone limp around him. Langa is watching the show, he thinks, he can’t really see out of the corner of his eye. Reki tightens his hand in Langa’s and slowly leans over to rest his head on his shoulder. Langa scoots closer until they’re comfortably resting against each other.

“ I’m sorry ," Reki whispers.

“ For what? ” Langa asks back on the same volume. He figured Reki wouldn’t want the others to know he was fine now. Joe, Cherry, and Shadow were in the main part of the restaurant, most likely discussing what to do about Reki.

“Let my feelings get the best of me again.”

“Reki….you don’t have to be sorry for stuff like that. We all have feelings, no one should suppress them because they don’t feel like they deserve to.”

“Yea, but I let it add up and look at what happened. I bet everyone thinks I’m crazy now.”

“ They don’t think that ," Langa says sadly, softly rubbing his thumb over Reki’s scarred hands.

He laughs humorously, forgetting to keep his voice down. Langas eyes look sad as he says, “Everyone always thinks that. They’re not gonna know what to do with me. Or they’ll tell my mom and she’ll have more stuff to stress about. This is all fucked. I never should’ve kept that stupid knife on me.”

“We can talk about it with them later," Langa tells him. “Besides, you’re almost an adult, they don’t have any control over you, if that’s what you’re worried about. They care about you.”

“I don’t want to talk to them," Reki tells him in a broken voice.

“I know it’s hard, but I’ll be right next to you, you don’t even have to look at them, but it’ll feel better once it’s over. Like ripping a bandaid off.”

“I don’t know, this feels a little more complicated than a bandaid, maybe more like duct tape,” Reki comments. Langa smiles, happy to hear him making jokes, even if they were stupid.

Reki tilts his head up to stare at Langa. His blue eyes are soft and full of love, he hated seeing them look so exhausted. Who knew they could ever make Reki want to cry again.

“Please, don’t treat me differently because of this. I know the others will," Reki pleads. Langa’s expression softens. He reaches his hand up to cup Reki’s cheek.

“I won’t. I promise.” Reki rests his head back on his shoulder, he can't help it if a tear or two rolls down his cheek. 

“ I can't handle losing you, Langa… ” He whispers brokenly.

“ You'll never lose me, Reki, not any of us. ”

He wants to believe him, but he's not sure if Langa’s loyalty is stronger than his fear.

They lay there for two more episodes of the show until Joe walks in.

“It’s getting pretty late, I’m gonna have Shadow drive Miya home. How are you Reki?” He asks, looking at the three on the bed.

“Fine," Reki says. “Not trippin’ anymore.”

“Okay, that’s good.” He walks closer to the youngest of the three, observing him thoughtfully. “Hopefully he doesn’t scratch my eyes out for doing this,” The man says tentatively as he shakes Miya on the shoulder, making the younger groan. “Come on, Miya, it’s time to go home.”

Miya shoots his eyes open and tightens his arms around Reki’s waist in a death grip.

“I told you, I’m not leaving!” Miya tells the man sternly. 

“It’s almost 5 am, kid, I’m sure your parents are gonna realize you’re not there eventually.” Miya glares up at him, tightening his hold even more. Reki wonders when he became so attached to him, but he already knows the answer to that.

“I don’t care, I’m staying.” Joe sighs and scratches the back of his neck, knowing he wont be able to convince the kid to do anything else. He takes a second to think before running his hand through his hair and scratches.

“Okay. We should all head home soon anyway. Reki , Cherry wants to see you, also.”

“Okay….” Reki says.

“Miya, you don’t have to leave, but you should eat. I’m making food for everyone, come out and try some.” Miya frowns but gets up anyway, leaving Reki and Langa in the back room alone.

“What do you think Cherry wants?” Langa asks him curiously.

“Either I’m gonna get a lecture, or get put in witness protection," Reki guesses.

“Let’s get it over with, yea?” Langa asks. “I’ll be right next to you.” Reki nods.

The two of them make their way to the main part of the restaurant where the rest of them are. Joe is in the kitchen with Miya cooking something while Cherry and Shadow are sitting at the bar. Cherry looks up when the two of them enter. He makes a point to put his tablet and is glasses away to give Reki his full attention. Reki kind of wants to throw up.

“Reki, come sit down.” He nervously walks over and takes the seat next to the pink haired man. Langa sits down next to him. He opens the first aid kit in front of him and holds out his palm. “Hold out your arms.”

“Why?“ Reki asks cautiously. Cherry gives him a pointed look.

“I need to clean your wounds before you go, just in case they bleed anymore.”

“I…..” Reki wraps his arms around himself. “Don’t want you to look at them.”

“Why not?”

“ I don’t want people staring at my cuts," Reki snaps, patience running thin.

“We’ve already seen them, Reki. It’ll be quick, it’s just a bandage change.”

“That was different," Reki says. “I was high, I barely remember the embarrassment.”

“I’m glad you don’t remember being embarrassed, but we remember seeing them. We’re not here to judge you, Reki.”

“ That’s not something I want you to remember….. ” Reki whispers. Cherry pauses, taking a moment to think of what to say.

“Well, that’s not up to you now. It’s something all of us will have to get used to. It’ll be easier if we start now.” Cherry waits for his response. When he receives no answer, he sighs tiredly, clearly running out of the little patience he had to begin with. “Reki, we don't trust you to take care of yourself right now,” He states bluntly. Reki tries not to feel offended. Cherry continues, saying, “If you don't let one of us help you, we'll have to take you to the hospital, and they'll call your parents.” 

After a long minute of arguing with himself, Reki reluctantly holds his arms out with a grimace. He refuses to look at Cherry as the man redresses his wounds, afraid he'll blow up and yell at him. He tries to focus on the hand holding his shoulder from Langa behind him and not the anger he feels boiling under his skin.

“All done, make sure you clean them often and let them air out occasionally.” Reki resists the urge to pull down the sleeves of the sweatshirt he’s no longer wearing. Instead, a large gray shirt hangs off his frame instead, probably Joe’s. He hoped it wasn’t stuffed in some drawer in the back of a dresser.

“Hey, what happened to my sweatshirt?” He vaguely remembers taking it off, but it's too hazy to know what had happened to it.

“In the trash, that thing was beyond recovery. Your jeans weren’t so lucky either," Joe pipes up from the kitchen, still cooking with Miya.

“That sucks…” Reki mumbles, picking at the large sweatpants he was wearing, assuming they were also Joes. His eyes widened. “Hey, wait, where's my skateboard?”

“In the car with the rest of ours," Shadow tells him. Reki let out a sigh of relief, he really needed to keep better track of those. Joe comes out of the kitchen holding a tray of plates. The smell is heavenly.

“Breakfast is served.” He sets down the tray and hands everyone a plate of pasta.

Reki eats it quickly, he had missed dinner the night before in his urgency to make it to S after work so he was pretty much starving. At last the brownie and the chips had helped his hunger a little.

Oh shit the other brownie.

“Man, I got to get home before my sisters find that other brownie.” Reki finishes the plate quickly. “Can you unlock your car, Shadow?”

“I’ll drive you," The man says, finishing his plate.

“I’ll come with you Reki," Langa tells him.

“Come with us, squirt, I’ll give you a ride too.” Miya gets up from his seat and follows after shadow.

“Remind me again how you got that?” Cherry asks him, giving him a long stare. Reki breaks eye contact.

“My friend from Thailand brings them.”

“When you get home, dispose of it.” Reki hums, letting him know he heard, but even Cherry knows he won't listen to him.

“Hey, Reki," Joe says before they’re all about to leave. “You’re not off the hook, you know, we still have to talk about this.”

“I know, whatever. See you later!” Reki calls out quickly, leaving the restaurant in a slow jog.

All three of them end up sitting in the back of the car while Shadow drives. Usually Miya would’ve called dibs on the front, but both he and Langa want to sit next to Reki.

Miya gets dropped off first since his house is closer. He gives Reki a tight hug before leaving the car. They wait until the small boy climbs through his window before driving off. The drive to Reki’s house is quicker.

“You go on first, Snow," Shadow says ominously as he puts the car into park. Langa gives his hand a comforting squeeze before grabbing his board and leaving the car. Reki watches in dismay as the other teen climbs through his window.

“Are you about to give me a dad talk?” Reki asks in distaste. Shadow gives him a look in the mirror Reki can only say is revulsion.

“No, I’m giving you a regular talk, since I’m too young to be a dad," He says spitefully. Reki hums in disagreement, but the older man chooses to ignore it. “I just wanted to tell you I didn’t mean what I said about people who….hurt themselves. I’ll admit it was wrong and I should be more considerate of others.”

Reki bites his lip awkwardly. As happy as he is that Shadow is actually apologizing to him for once in his life, he would’ve hoped it would be about literally anything else. He shrugs violently, shaking the car slightly and avoids the eyes from the mirror.

“I know you didn’t mean it man, it didn’t bother me, don’t worry about it.” He leans towards the car door, ready to escape the moment Shadow lets him.

“Don’t say it didn’t bother you, you’re the most bothered person in Japan, I know I was being an asshole.”

“I would’ve been more of an asshole if I brought it up," Reki mumbles.

“No, you wouldn’t have been. You’re allowed to be upset, don’t be a dumbass. Miya looks up to you, you know. So you can’t go around pretending to be okay or he’ll get the wrong idea and then we’ll have two Reki’s who let people walk all over them.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, old man," Reki says, but he sees where he’s coming from. Last thing he wants is for Miya to turn out like him.

“Who cares. Be as dramatic as you want. Think about the kid.”

“You really are a dad," Reki says in astonishment. Shadow turns back to look at him and pushes his skateboard into his hands.

“ Don’t forget your board," Shadow reminds kindly, with a terrifying smile.

“Got it, thanks for the ride, man," Reki says, hoping out of the car as fast as he can. That man really was terrifying when he wanted to be.

“No problem. Call us if you need anything, I mean it.”

“Alright.”

The boy climbs up the ramp to his window quietly. The house is eerily quiet when Reki closes the window, the only sound being the birds chirping from outside in the early morning air. Langa is lying on his bed, sitting up when the boy enters. The other brownie sits on his desk, thankfully uneaten. He tosses it in his dresser drawer away from prying toddler hands.

“Did he give you a dad talk?” Langa asks quietly. Reki sighs tiredly.

“Yea, he did. Could’ve been worse though.

After putting on his favorite black sweatshirt (the one he never wore outside in risk of being ripped or stained from skating), he feels much better having his arms covered.

“Man, I’m so tired, maybe Mom will let us sleep all day tomorrow," Reki comments.

“If not, we could always go to my apartment and sleep there too," Langa points out.

“Good idea.” He pauses, wondering if he should ask if Langa’s okay with sharing the bed. They’d been side by side the whole night, he didn’t need to ask, right? “You want something to sleep in?“

“I usually sleep in just underwear, but a shirt would be nice.” Langa scratches his cheek. Reki whips his head to the dresser to hide his red face.

“Sure!” He exclaims. He looks through his messy drawer and picks out a large faded graphic t-shirt he used occasionally. When he turns, Langa is now standing and shirtless, unbuttoning his pants. “Here, dude.” Langa pauses to grab the shirt with a smile.

“Thank you," He says sincerely, dropping his pants to the ground.

Reki looks away in embarrassment and uses this as an excuse to climb in bed. After closing the blinds, leaving the room dark, he lays closest to the wall and gets situated as Langa comes over. The taller boy climbs in next to him and rests his hands on his chest. They both stare at the faint glowing stars on his ceiling in silence.

“Hey, Reki?” Langa asks. Reki turns his head slightly towards him. “Can I hold you for a bit?”

“Hold me?”

“Yea.”

“Sure.”

Langa turns on his side so Reki does the same so that they’re facing each other. Langa slides up to him and wraps his arm around his waist while the other one gets comfortable under his head for support. Reki nervously rests his head on Langa’s chest while his arm rests on the boy's torso. It’s surprisingly comfortable. With as many sisters as he had, he was always being hugged and held as king as he was in the house. Being held by Langa was better though. Langa was bigger than him, and his arms were more muscly. It was a nice change. His chest is surprisingly comfortable, like a pillow, a soft, muscled pillow. Thank god for those 15 years of snowboarding-

“Is this alright?” Langa asks, almost making him jolt. Reki nods.

“You’re really comfy," He admits before he can stop himself.

“Oh. That’s good, I like it when you touch me," Langa states calmly. Reki can almost see the annoyingly sweet smile on his face.

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll do that more then," Reki promises. Langa smiles and closes his eyes. Knowing Langa, the boy wouldn’t suspect Reki would be using this to his advantage. Langa was gullible like that.

‘ Sorry, Langa. You’d do the same.’ Reki thinks in blissful misery.

It’s shocking how fast Reki manages to fall asleep against the other boy. At some point their legs intertwine and Langa moves onto his back with Reki tucked into his shoulder.

His mom comes in to wake him up at noon but she decides to let them sleep longer since it was only a Sunday. She does sneak a quick picture of them, not that they have to know that.

Reki ends up waking up first, groggy and hot in the sweats he’s wearing, plus the blanket covering them, plus the handsome man he’s on top of . The gods were on Reki’s side, no doubt about it. How could he be so blessed to drool on Hasegawa Langa’s shoulder all night.

‘ This really is the American dream, ’ He sighs in content, ignoring the fact that he’s not American, nor has he ever traveled there. The redhead glances up at the sleeping boy, finding him breathing softly. Langa really looked beautiful in the sunlight with his hair splayed all over his pillow and drool on the corner of his mouth. Reki wished he could kiss him. A groan snaps him out of his thoughts.

“What time is it?” Langa asks in a gravelly( very sexy ) voice. Reki checks his bedside alarm.

“Just after 1:30," Reki informs.

“How long have you been staring at me in my sleep?” The redhead blushes and looks away in annoyance.

“Don’t ask that as if I’m a stalker.” (He is) .

“I think it’s cute.”

He raises an eyebrow, “You do?”

“Yea, you look interesting in your sleep too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

After untangling their limbs and changing into day clothes, the two spend the rest of their Sunday eating snacks and lazing around.

By the time it’s dark again, there’s not much to do, other than binge watch another show or try and fall asleep to get their schedules back on track for school. Langa had already texted his mom, telling her he was staying at a friend's house. The two had even gone over to pick up his uniform and book bag earlier.

“Man, I need to learn English, American shows would be so much better to watch," Reki mumbles as he clicks through the streaming service on his tv. Langa doesn’t pay any mind to what he’s saying, too focused on the redheads bandaged arms. “Hey, did you learn Japanese from your mom, or from cartoons, like Dora?”

“Reki," Langa interrupts. Instead of correcting him that Dora speaks Spanish, not Japanese, he asks, “Can I help change your bandages?” Reki turns to him at the sudden request, making his hands break out in a cold sweat.

“Why would you want to do that? You don’t need to, you hate blood anyway….” Reki clicks at the remote frantically, looking for something to put on to change the subject.

“It’ll be hard to do yourself.”

“Langa….”

“You’re worried about what I’ll think of you right?” The blue haired boy asks. Reki pauses to listen to what he’s saying. “You asked me not to treat you any differently, so I’m not going to ignore the wounds on your body, I don’t want us to be afraid to bring it up.” Reki bites his lip and looks down. He hates feeling like he can’t talk to the other teen, but the embarrassment is just as bad a feeling.

“ They’re gross ," He barely speaks, it’s more quiet than a whisper but Langa hears him loud and clear. “The cuts are deep enough to be on the brink of stitches, and I did that to myself. I don’t want you to see me like that.”

“Well, the reason you have that big scar on your knee is because you fell while skateboarding, right?” Langa asks him, confusing the younger male further.

“Yea, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“It’s not like you fell on purpose, but it’s always a little embarrassing when you get injured in a bail, and that mark will stay with you forever," Langa tells him confidently, even though he's making no sense.

“I don’t get it….”

“Even if it’s not from the same reason, you still gave yourself that scar, and added it to your body. It’s not ‘gross’, your body is your story. Your arms are included in that.” Reki bites his lip like he does when he wants to say something but can’t get the words out. He doesn’t know what to say to that. Langa’s confusing logic made a little sense, he thinks, or maybe it's absolute bullshit and Reki is biased. “Besides, I like every part of your body. Please let me take care of you.”

“Man, I’m surprised you’re single," Reki laughs but there’s a strain in his voice like he’s going to choke. His cheeks are burning from embarrassment, or maybe he’s just blushing. “You get really sappy sometimes," He jokes, but Langa knows he’s grateful.

“I’ll go get the kit, take your sweatshirt off.”

When Langa comes back from the bathroom with the first aid kit in hand, Reki is sitting on his bed with the large t-shirt he'd borrowed on, sweatshirt disregarded to the side. He sits down next to him and carefully unwraps the white bandages, making sure none of it sticks to his wounds.

The cuts are irritated still, but none of them look infected or any worse than they had before. If Reki was careful and cared for them properly, they’d scar up without problem.

Langa gently applied an ointment, making sure not to hurt Reki in the process. With all his focus on his arms, he doesn’t notice how Reki stares at him. Langa was always so delicate with him, like he was something precious, carefully wiping away any excess blood and spreading the gel softly over the tender wounds in a way Reki would never do for himself. The thoughtfulness makes his heart beat faster. What did the blue haired boy see in him that Reki couldn't?

Langa takes his time wrapping them back up again, making sure they’re not too loose or too tight, and clipping them in place.

“Try not to irritate them too much," The blue haired boy says, running his hands up and down the others arms gently. He brings them down until he’s holding Reki’s hands, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles.

“Okay…..” Reki says quietly, squeezing his hands back.

“Should we go to bed now? It’s already late and we have school tomorrow.”

“Yea….good idea.”

Langa moves to put the kit away as Reki puts on his sweatshirt. The redhead slips off his pants and scoots back until he’s up against the wall. He catches Langa reaching for the shirt he was wearing the night before.

“You said you like sleeping shirtless, right?” Reki asks, deciding to shoot his shot.

“Well, yea I usually do at home," Langa says, looking over to the boy on the bed. Reki looks away to avoid eye contact and lays down, pulling the sheet over him, facing the wall with his back turned to Langa.

“You can do that here too.”

“Are you sure? I don’t have any pants either….”

“Just get in, dumbass," Reki mumbles. Langa stands there for a second before taking the rest of his clothes off, leaving him in blue boxers, and slides in next to Reki. Langa is lying on his side facing Reki, but they’re not touching at all. Reki bites his lip and reaches his arm back, grabbing Langa’s hand and pulling him closer. Reki takes his arm and rests it on his stomach, just below his sweatshirt line.

“Reki?”

“I like it when you touch me too, y’know, not just the other way around," He says quietly.

“Does that mean I can touch you wherever I want?” Langa asks him. Reki stays quiet for a bit, sliding his hand off Langa’s and scooting back so they’re bodies are pressed together.

“Yea.”

Langa uses that to his advantage and dips his hand under Reki’s sweatshirt, feeling the soft skin and lean muscles underneath. Reki shivers from his cool hands. Langa takes his time drifting his palms up and down his stomach, ghosting over his naval, and sliding up just under his chest before going back down again. Reki prays to the gods that Langa can’t feel his erratic heart beat. After feeling him thoroughly, Langa pulls his hand back towards him and slides up to his hips, the bone jutting out from Reki being on his side. Sliding his hands up the side of his ribs, the sweatshirt catches with his hand.

“Take this off," Langa demands quietly. Reki takes his word back, he doesn’t have to worry about his loud heart because he’s died . He’s died and this is heaven . A very blessed heaven where Hasegawa Langa is pulling his sweatshirt off of his chest. Now the only clothing in between them was their underwear.

With all the new skin exposed, Langa has so much more to touch. He glides his hand up his freckles back, feeling every bump of his spine on his fingertips. He twirls the hair framing Reki’s neck, it was getting long. Parting it out of the way, Langa leans forward and gives him a kiss. He can almost feel the goosebumps burst on the tan skin.

“ Langa…. ” Reki whimpers, barely audible.

“ Do you want me to stop? ” Langa whispers.

“ No… .”

Langa kisses his back again, leaving hot wet spots from his tongue peaking out. He moves up again, kissing the back of his neck before moving up the side, just right below Reki’s jawline on his jugular. The buzzing feeling on his skin plus the grip that steadily getting tighter on his hip, Reki can’t take it and turns around. Langa pulls back from his neck just in time to catch Reki’s lips in a hot kiss. He groans against soft, chapped lips and pulls Reki closer by the neck.

Reki gasps into his mouth, using his own hands to reach forward and finally touch Langa’s muscled torso. His abs flex under his touch and Reki can’t get enough of it. When he runs out of air, the redhead pulls back with a gasp, a string of spit connecting them.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while," Langa admits.

“Yea….me too.” Reki glances down at his spit glistened lips and blushes harder. “I’ve liked you for a long time, I was just too nervous to do anything about it.”

“I was nervous too, I’ve liked you since I first met you.”

“Oh…wow, that’s a long time," Reki says breathlessly.

“You’re hot.”

“ You are! ”

“Does this mean we can be boyfriends?” Langa asks in his soft excited voice. Reki smiles.

“Sure, man, but…..maybe we could keep it to ourselves for right now? I don’t know how I feel about the others knowing...” He wasn't scared of them being homophobic, they'd joked enough about his crush on Langa. It was just too much. 

“You mean your family and people from school?”

“And from S, it’s just a lot all at once.”

“We don’t have to tell anybody, we can keep it to ourselves," Langa agrees, tucking a strand of red hair behind his ear. It seemed even fluffier, if that was possible, without his headband on.

“Sorry," Reki apologizes in embarrassment. “You can tell your mom if you want, I don’t mind if she knows.”

“She already knows I like you, it wouldn’t be much of a change.”

“You told your mom?”

“On accident, when we were fighting, I asked her for advice on how to fix it, and she told me if I really cared about you, I should just tell you my true feelings, but that would’ve been too embarrassing. She thought I was talking about a girl though.” Reki lets out a laugh and covers his mouth.

“Dude, you never told me that.”

“ Obviously , I didn’t want you to know .”

“Well, if it makes you feel any more embarrassed, you did practically confess when we made up. ‘ I want to skate infinitely with you ’, very platonic of you to say.” Langa pouts and Reki pinches his cheek.

“I figured a real confession would’ve made you blow up, you know you get really red when people praise you," Langa comments, making Reki blush in embarrassment. He ducks his head down and groans.

“So what if I appreciated being complimented by you? It was nice…..”

“Maybe I should do it more often then.”

“ Langaaa ," Reki pouts.

“I want to see my cute boyfriend get all flustered," Langa says innocently.

“Langa! Stop teasing.” Reki rests his head on his chest, Langa can feel the burn of his cheeks. The pale boy smiles and brushes Reki’s hair with his hand.

They lay silent for a few minutes until Langa breaks the silence.

“Is there any reason why you don’t want the others to know? I don’t think they’d be against it or anything.” The question itself isn’t specific but Reki knows he means their friends from S.

“I think they’re the last people to be against something like that. They’ve just dealt with me a lot recently, more big news seems like a lot to unpack.”

“You know that's not true. They care about you.

“I know,” Reki stresses, “It's just overwhelming.”

“I understand.”

“That doesn’t mean I want to hide it from them forever , I just think we should wait a bit until I talk with Joe and Cherry at least and get that out of the way.”

“Of course, whatever you want.”

“You seem weirdly okay with this.”

Langa hums, “Only if I get to sneak kisses,” He says seriously as Reki gives him a deadpanned look.

“Sure, whatever.” He smiles. Langa leans down and kisses him once, just pressing lips together.

“Let’s go to bed before we fall asleep in class.”

—————————————————————

Being boyfriends with Langa and being best friends with Langa isn’t much different but it is at the same time.

They spend most of their time skating around town, playing video games, and watching YouTube. In between though, they add making out in, and lots of cuddling, and a lot more intimacy.

There was still unspoken tension between them. Langa had always been an anxious person, Reki knew that from the start, and he could tell the older boy was worried about him. Starting a relationship was a big shift from everything that had happened recently, but Reki couldn’t pretend none of it happened forever.

The redhead didn’t know how to reassure him he was feeling okay, Langa probably wouldn’t believe him from the amount of times Reki had lied about his feelings in the past.

The truth was, he didn’t know how to feel. For the longest time, Reki had always felt low. It had been the worst in middle school, but over the years it was something he got used to. Bad days where he felt like he wanted to die in middle school turned into just days as he grew older. He didn’t know if that was worse or better.

It was strange relapsing when you barely remembered it. Reki remembers the weeks leading up, feeling awful like his friends hated him, and then after taking that edible, the moments in between just fade.

The memories were still there faintly, but the details went away after the high wore off.

Reki thinks if he hadn’t gotten high, at least as high as he had gotten, he wouldn’t have hurt himself like that, but that piled up emotion would’ve overflowed at some point. A blade to the wrist would’ve been practicing until a bone broke, or bothering people in alleys until he got jumped. It wasn’t always as simple as a razor.

Reki hadn’t cut himself when he and Langa were fighting, and he hadn't whenever he fought with his dad, and he hadn’t when he was doing badly in school.

Reki knew over practicing wasn’t any better. If he fell wrong he could really hurt himself and if it was serious enough, he might have to stop skating all together. Just like his friend had to stop. If he provoked the wrong people on the streets, a punch to the face could turn into a  knife to the abdomen real quickly.

Even pushing away his friends had almost cost him their friendship.

Reki never had any control in the first place, he knew that, but sometimes it was just easier to take when he wasn’t the one who had control. He told himself it was okay if he antagonized people and let them blow up.

Langa had every right to be worried about him. Reki was just scared he wouldn’t want to deal with all that. The older boy had enough stuff to deal with like helping his mom with the bills and dealing with the death of his father which was still pretty recent from what Langa had told him.

Reki was best at ignoring things. If Langa didn’t bring it up, Reki wasn’t going to. He was a coward, but he was scared and he didn't care. He’d wait for Joe or Cherry to come to him first and see what happens after.

—————————————————————

It’s only three days later when the dreadful time comes.

Langa’s sick again, apparently he catches colds easily, must be from the Canadian blood in the hot weather or something. Reki wasn’t actually sure if illnesses had anything to do with the temperature, but Langa always lost energy when it was 10 degrees over the average temperature.

Going to school without him was quiet, but it was bearable. He still had friends at school, and he usually sat with them for the day when Langa wasn’t there to eat lunch with him.

He brought his skateboard with him so he could skate to and from school. Typically they both went to the skate park afterwards but Reki plans on going over to Langa’s apartment to bring him drinks.

But when he walks out the front gate, talking with his two friends from his class, he spots Joe at the front entrance. All the dread he’s ever felt pools in his chest at the sight of the muscular man. It’s always Joe who has to show up and ruin his day with unwanted surprises.

“ Ooo he’s hot, I wonder who he is!” Sasaki says next to him, twirling her brown hair thoughtfully. This….might be the worst thing that’s ever happened to Reki.

“What’s up with girls being attracted to old men?” Satou elbows her in the arm. The girl sneers at him and hits his shoulder.

“You’re just jealous because no girls like you!”

“Uh, I’ll see you guys tomorrow," Reki says awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with the two.

“Kyan-kun, you know him?” Sasaki asks with large eyes. Large, hopeful eyes, like he can get his number for her or something.

“He’s sorta my…..“ He thinks about his wording, and decides nothing's good enough. “I’m not sure, I’ll see you later!” He runs off quickly, clutching his skateboard in his sweaty palms.

“There you are, I was worried you’d run off once you saw me.” Joe smiles at him, his loose v-neck mocking him.

“I almost did. You coulda’ given me a warning, you know how strange it is to see your classmate leave with an old man? Oh god, I bet people think you’re my sugar daddy now.” Reki pulls his hood up to hide his face, cringing at his old words. Joe rolls his eyes. He thinks he hears him mutter something under his breath like, ‘dramatic ass kids.’

“I’m not old . And I’ll make sure to send Cherry next time. He’ll ask you about your grades though.” Joe shrugs his shoulders. Reki frowns in annoyance.

“What are you doing here anyway, I was gonna go pick up Gatorade for Langa.”

“I sent Miya and Shadow to go keep him company.”

and here Reki was thinking he was going to have a nice relaxing day with his sick boyfriend.

“Why do I feel like I’m being called to the principal's office?” He asks in annoyance.  

“Nothing like that, we’re just going to Cherry’s work.”

“Uh, why? ”

“You ask a lot of questions.”

“I have the right to ask questions when I'm being kidnapped.” Reki shrugs his shoulders back, mocking Joe. The older man sneers at him humorously and shakes his head as if Reki is the one being dramatic. 

It doesn’t take long to Skate there after they leave the school. Cherry's calligraphy office is right next to Dope Sketch, so it’s only a couple blocks away from the school. The building is empty when they arrive. Reki hasn’t ever actually been there before, but Langa had told him he had tried to apply when he first moved. He laughs to himself. He couldn't imagine Langa working at a place like this with how shitty his Japanese writing is. 

The building is quiet when they enter, Joe cuts through the silence with a loud greeting. The front desk is empty; Either it's a one man business or the shop itself is closed.

“Took you long enough, you gorilla, you left an hour ago," Cherry greets loudly, walking in from the back rooms with a frown directed at the green haired man.

“You gave me the wrong time! I got there 40 minutes early!”

Reki takes a minute to look around since he knows they’ll be arguing for a while. The walls are covered in traditional Japanese decorations. There’s a large paintbrush Reki remembers Cherry using at that calligraphy showing.

“How many of these do you have?” Reki asks, pointing to the paintbrush on the wall.

“A couple, but I don’t use that one, it’s purely for decoration purposes," Cherry says. “And don’t touch anything, I can’t risk either of your grubby hands on my stuff. Reki, come to the back with me where there’s more privacy.”

“What about me?” Joe asks, eating a mint from the front desk.

“Come if you want, gorilla.”

The back isn’t much different from the front, other than there being more art supplies and the rooms looked more modern for storage purposes. Past what Reki assumes are offices, there’s a back room with place mats around a small dining table.

“Sit wherever is comfortable," Cherry tells him, walking over to a cabinet and looking around. Reki sits down on the mat, leaning back on his legs to look around, at least the paintings were nice to look at. Joe sits in front of him on one of the mats, he looks uncomfortably large compared to the table. Cherry comes to sit down next to him, he sets out a first aid kit on the table.

“I just cleaned them yesterday.” Reki frowns, but rolls up his sleeves anyway.

“You should be cleaning them everyday.”

“I don’t get the point of that. At least I’m cleaning them at all.” Reki holds out each arm as Cherry unwraps the bandages.

“Was cleaning them not something you did before?”

“I’d….wash the blood off, obviously, but I’d just hide them with my sleeves, and wrap them when I went out so people wouldn’t see. They never got infected and they stopped bleeding pretty quickly, so I never wasted my time.”

“That’s a bad habit to have, especially for someone like you who falls on the ground a lot. It’s easy to get dirt in a wound. You should always clean your wounds with peroxide and wrap them right so no bacteria can get in.”

“I never thought it was that serious. I’ve gotten deeper cuts skating, nothing ever happened with those, I figured this would be any different.” Reki pauses, watching as Cherry cleans of the crusted ointment with a warm wet towel. “This is the first time someone has taken care of my wounds. You and Langa seem to know what you’re doing.”

“It’s good for athletes to know basic first aid. I’m glad Langa isn’t clueless with that kind of stuff, it’s good at least one of you can manage to do this.”

“His mom is a nurse so, he’s picked up a couple things.”

The wounds have fully crusted over now. Angry red lines stare back at him. The swelling has mostly gone down and they only turn red when they’re irritated. They’d probably scar in a couple months, but Reki knows they’ll stay dark for a long time. He still had scars that were healing on his wrists and thighs. A pink or purple instead of white like the others.

“How’ve you been, kid?“ Joe asks, leaning forward on his elbows, which Reki knows Cherry is annoyed with. He looks over to him to keep his eyes off his own arms, he hopes Joe won't notice the sudden eye contact.

“Fine, I think. Not any different from usual.”

“Do you know what triggered the relapse?”

“I guess that depends.”

“On what?” Cherry asks.

“For a couple weeks I hadn’t been feeling very good, teasing and stupid jokes kept getting to my head and keeping me up at night. Usually when I feel like that, I’ll just ignore it and deal with it or take it out some other way. I guess that brownie mushed my thoughts around a little. I took too much. I try not to get high when I’m feeling like shit.”

“When’s the last time you relapsed?” Cherry asks.

“I think right before I met Langa, but…..”

“But what?”

“I was still reckless then. I got hurt a lot during the time we were fighting. I didn’t go out and hurt myself but I let it happen when the opportunity arose.”

“Like what?” Joe asks softly.

“Mostly just reckless skating. Trying to perfect what I wasn’t capable of doing. Not falling right. Not stopping until I was exhausted.” Reki stops talking for a moment, thinking back to what else had happened. “Mhmm, I did run into a couple guys I used to skate with and they jumped me.”

“You got jumped? When was this?” Joe asks in a shocked voice.

“Before I went to go see Shadow, Oka found me in the alley and told me what happened.”

“Shadow? I don’t remember you visiting," Cherry says.

“Well I ended up running into Langa and I didn’t want to talk to him so I ran back out.” Reki scratches his head with a sigh, thinking about their fight always made him down. ‘ Was there anything else? ’ He struggles to remember, then,  “ Oh , and I got hit by a car after. Just recklessness like that. Happens a lot.”

“ You what?!” They both yell at the same time.

“Ahh, it wasn’t that serious, I ended up knowing him anyway,” He adds unhelpfully.

“ Reki… .” Joe says sternly. “ Please use your head next time.”

Reki smiles.

“My brain sorta malfunctions when I’m sad,” He admits softly.

“I can tell," Cherry starts. He pulls out a roll of bandages and wraps them around Reki’s first arm. “Maybe talk to someone when your thoughts feel all jumbled. Could help clear your head a bit,” He suggests, even though they both know Reki would only likely talk to Langa.

“And please call one of us if you ever feel like hurting yourself again,” Joe pleads, “Doesn’t matter if you don’t think it’s serious, we’ll always be there for you. Shadow too, or ask Langa if that makes you more comfortable. You know he’d do anything for you.”

“Okay,” Reki agrees with a light blush. Cherry finishes wrapping the other arm and Reki lets them rest on his lap.

“Those should heal soon so you don’t have to take care of them as much. You can keep wrapping them if you don’t want people to see but you should be fine for today, let them air out. If they get any worse, you can ask Langa to look at them for you, i'm sure he'd know what to do.”

“Thanks. It means a lot,” He says with honesty.

“Take it easy out there, kid, no new tricks for a while, ‘Kay?” Joe reminds with smug smile.

“Sure, whatever, Dad .”

Reki covers his arms and stretches.

“Give our condolences to Langa,” Cherry tells him as he leaves.

“Will do. Thanks again!”

—————————————————————

Langa doesn’t seem too exhausted when he gets there with drinks. Shadow, Miya, and him are all in the living room watching tv on the couch.

“Hey, guys, I brought drinks for everyone!” He closes the door behind him and takes off his shoes. Miya runs up to greet him, looking around in the plastic bag he’s holding. He takes out an orange Gatorade before Reki can grab him.

“ Dibs! ”

“ Hey! Sick boys get to choose first!” Reki chastises. He sits down next to Langa on the couch when the younger boy ignores him. Langa doesn’t look terrible but his face is pink and there’s a trash can full of tissues next to his feet.

“Reki……” Langa’s voice is thick like his sinuses are clogged. He smiles at the boy even though his eyes aren’t open.

“Hi Langa, you missed a pop quiz in English. Choose a drink!” The sick boy picks the light blue drink and leans against the redhead.

“He’s been sleeping all day," Shadow mentions. Reki feels his forehead, it’s hot but it seems Langa would be, wrapped in as many blankets as he is.

“Are you sure it’s just a cold? Could be a fever.”

“He seems fine other than he sounds like an old man and his nose looks like Niagara Falls.”

“That’s in Canada," Langa mumbles, smiling. Reki should seriously take his temperature, and wasn't that in America? He was never good at geography.

“Maybe I’ll stay here just in case, at least until his mom gets home,” Reki decides. Last thing he wanted was for Langa to get up to use the restroom and die on the way.

“We can stay with you!” Miya suggests. Reki smiles and ruffles his hair.

“No offense, I think his mom would be a little weirded out to see him hanging out with a 24 and 12 year old.”

“Reki’s right, he can handle Langa.” Shadow gets off from the couch to stretch. Miya whips his head around.

“You're not leaving are you?” He asks the ginger.

“I thought we’d leave since Reki’s here to take care of him.”

“Can’t we stay a little longer?”

“Langa needs to rest,” Shadow reminds, “We can see him again tomorrow if you want.”

“You probably have homework anyway, right? I can handle Langa for the day.” Reki smiles at him again. Miya lets out a strange sound and wraps his arms around Reki’s waist, hugging him tightly. “Miya?”

“Text me, slime” He says, then remembers he's better than everyone and says, “Just to update me on Langa, though.” Reki hugs him back with a lighthearted smile.

“I will. Expect long, grammatically incorrect paragraphs,” He jokes, laughing as Miya jabs his side. 

The boy pulls back from Reki after an unusually long hug and pets Langa’s hair, “Don’t get any worse, slime number two.”

He hums appreciatively, “I won’t,” Langa rasps out, it’s mostly muffled by the blanket. 

Shadow guides Miya towards the door. He thanks him for the drinks.

Reki settles down fully once they leave. Langa leans against him tiredly, burrowing his face in his neck.

“How was your day?” Langa asks.

“It was alright. Talked with Joe and Cherry.”

“What did you talk about?”

“Just about how I was feeling, we can talk about it later when you feel better. How about we watch something?”

—————————————————————

Thankfully, Langa is better by the time S comes around again.

Cherry had given Reki strict orders not to skate in a beef to avoid injuring himself further. It was still fun to watch the others skate. When he wasn't feeling particularly insecure, watching Langa skate was one of his favorite things to do, his boyfriend was just so talented.

For a while, it seemed like everything was okay. None of the others had been treating him any different, other than cutting back on the teasing. At first Reki wanted to be annoyed, but he was thankful. He and Shadow still argue, but that was normal for them. It was still stressful for him, knowing that the others knew his biggest secret about him, but he tried not to let it bother him. He knew Joe and Cherry wouldn't bother him too much about it, and they promised not to tell his mother unless it got out of hand, but it was scary.

Miya seemed clingier than usual. Reki hadn’t noticed it at first, because Miya had always been clingy (whether he'd admit that or not), but after thinking about it, it was different from how Miya acted before.

Miya was a bit of a tsundere, Reki knew that was to protect himself from when he didn’t have friends. For a while he hadn’t been anything but cold to all of them, but he had warmed up quickly, especially to Reki. Langa had joked one time he thought Miya might’ve had a crush on him, and Reki had smacked him. He’s pretty sure Miya just thinks of him as a big brother, but what did Reki know? Kids were weird. He clung to Langa too. Reki had realized early on, however, that their friendship was different. Langa was a good friend and skating role model for the boy, someone for him to relate to and learn tricks from. Reki himself was more of the big brother type to Miya. The boy looked up to him, even if he didn’t want him to. 

Miya liked hugging him a lot, and it was something he did more now whenever he and Reki were around each other. Reki didn’t mind at all, he loved hugging people. Part of him knew what had happened must’ve scared the younger boy, especially after what he’d learned of mental health in school. He got the feeling Miya might’ve been a bit more attached to him than he had previously let on. He would get over it eventually, it would just take a while.

At least that’s what he hoped…

Occasionally, Joe would let them come over to the restaurant after hours to help him cook dinner for the six of them.

Pasta from scratch was confusing to make, but sauce was harder, in Reki’s opinion. Of course he and Miya had been put on sauce duty with Joe. It was Cherry and Langa’s job to make the pasta while Shadow got put on cleaning duty. All Reki and Miya had to do was cut tomatoes, while Joe was the one who actually made the sauce. It wasn’t a very hard job. Miya seemed to be better at dicing with him, which didn't shock Reki at all. The kid seemed to be a jack of all trades at this point… 

“ Ah! Shit…” Reki yanks his hand up as a line of blood appears on the tip of his finger, dripping onto the cutting board. He quickly applies pressure, so as to not stain the table, but it still drips hopelessly.

“You nick yourself?” Joe asks in concern, walking over to inspect the damage. Reki glances over to answer him but his eyes catch on Miya's face, his skin is sickly pale and his eyes are wide with a terrified expression Reki’s never seen on him before.

Before Reki can ask what’s wrong, Miya yanks the knife out of his hand by the blade.

“ Miya! ”

 The boy's hand quickly pools with blood as he clutches it. Joe comes up behind him and delicately peels the knife from his hand before Reki even comprehends what’s happening. Miya pays no mind to it, staring at Reki’s bleeding finger as he begins to hyperventilate. Reki clenches his fist around a paper towel to attempt to lessen the panic as Joe wraps a towel around Miya's hand to stop the bleeding.

“Miya, you gotta breath ," Joe reminds him, putting pressure on the wound. Cherry walks around Joe and puts a hand on Miya’s shoulder.

“You have to slow your breathing or you’ll pass out. Breath with me. In and out.” As Cherry starts exaggerating his breaths, Miyas eyes dart in between the two of them, struggling to copy him. “Good, you're doing good. In…and out. ”

As Miyas breathes even out, his body still shaking, his skin still looks pale and his eyes are wide in fear. Reki and the others can only stare as the 12 year old tries to get the air back in his lungs. He feels a hand wrap around his. He doesn't need to look to know Langas standing right beside him in worry.

“Langa, why don’t you take Reki to the back to clean up his cut,” Joe suggests calmly.

“ No!” Miya yells, his voice is rough and shaky. Cherry gently rubs his back and turns the boy's attention towards him.

Cherry whispers to him, petting his hair back in a soothing manner,  “He’ll be right in the other room, you don’t need to worry. ” Miya shakes his head violently.

“He doesn’t need to leave!” The boy argues. The red haired teen sees Joe give him a look as Langa tries to convince him to leave him alone right now, he's overwhelmed. Reki wants to stay and make sure he’s okay, but he figures it’s best if Miya’s focus isn’t on him right now.

Langa pulls him to the other room and the three adults stay behind. He just catches Shadow coming back with a first aid kit before Langa shuts the door.

“How’s your finger?”

“Stings a bit, it’s mostly numb right now.”

Luckily, Joe kept another kit in the back. Langa starts with cleaning the wound. The peroxide makes his finger tickle.

“It doesn’t need stitches, but you should be careful not to reopen it again.” He carefully wraps a waterproof band aid around the cut.

“Thanks, nurse Hasegawa.” Langa blushes at the nickname. Reki finds he likes making him blush, but there are other things to worry about. 

After a couple of minutes waiting, listening for voices outside, Reki asks, “Do you think Miya will be okay?”

“I don’t know, there was a lot of blood, he might need stitches,” Langa says with honesty, then asks, “Why’d he grab the knife?”

Reki stays quiet; he’s not quite sure himself. Miya’s never freaked out like that before. He can still see that expression in his head. He sounded so scared…

“Reki….did you….”

“I didn’t do it on purpose, if that’s what you’re worrying about,” He snaps lightly without meaning to. Langa doesn't seem to be bothered, just concerned. “Maybe Miya got the wrong idea, though.”

Joe comes in through the door, part of his apron is stained red like he dried his hands on it.

“Hiromi and Kaoru took him to the ER. He needed stitches, thankfully he didn't get any arteries.”

“They left? We need to go see him!” Reki argues.

“They can handle it for now, kid, we’ll go see him once he’s gotten stitches.”

“Okay….” Reki says in a dejected tone. He sinks into the bed. Langa wraps his arm around him for support.

“How’s your finger?”

“Just a small cut.”

“Was it self-inflicted?”

“ Just an accident," Reki clarifies, irritated. Joe sighs and sits down on a nearby chair. “I think he thought I did it on purpose or something and panicked,” Reki explains, but he really doesn't know. 

“I’m not entirely sure that's true,” Joe tells him.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Miya was the one that found you first, and you were covered in blood. It probably scared him seeing you bleeding with a knife in your hands.”

Reki stills. He didn’t remember that detail.

Even more confused, he asks, “He found me first?” 

“You don’t remember?” Langa asks with soft eyes. “He called us all over.”

“Reki!” Miya screamed, his body dropped next to him and there were hands on his chest. “What the hell happened to you?!” Reki opened his eyes and stared up at Miya in confusion. Miya was staring down at him with a scared expression. Tears dripped onto his face, He was practically sobbing.

“‘Ur no’ Joe," He said.

“‘Course not, dumbass, we were all worried about you!”

“Do’t worry ‘bout me," Reki remembers saying.

“You’re covered in blood!”

Reki had completely forgotten about the short interaction, but it had probably traumatized the poor boy. “He must’ve thought something terrible had happened," Reki whispers, mostly to himself, but the others hear him anyway.

“Something terrible did happen," Langa reminds him sternly.

“Right.” He picks at the bandaid on his finger, Langa grabs his hand to hold it instead. “I was wondering why he’s been so clingy recently. I didn’t even think of it from his point of view.” He was stupid to assume Miya would ignore his problems like him. He was only a boy, and they weren’t the same.

“He’ll be okay,” Joe reassures, “Miya is a tough kid.”

“This is my fault….”

“No, it’s not,” Langa tells him sternly, “What happened, happened, it’s not anyone's fault.” Reki ducks his head down so Langa gives him a comforting side hug.

“Cherry says he’s being treated now, we can head over,” Joe informs, pocketing his phone.

—————————————————————

By the time they make it to the hospital, Miya’s hand is already stitched and wrapped and they’re heaving the front entrance.

“Miya!” Reki yells, running over with Langa. “How’s your hand?”

“Still numb, they gave me shots.” He shows his bandaged hand proudly. Reki pulls him into a hug, lifting him off the ground.

“ Maaaaan , you made me worried sick,” He groans, shaking the boy back and forth.

“Put me down, slime!” Langa comes up behind Miya and hugs the both of them, squishing them all together.

“Don’t crowd the poor kid,” Shadow says. Reki opens his eyes when he hears a sniffle. He looks down at the black haired boy to see his eyes teary.

“Don’t scare me like that again, slime,” Miya says. Reki puts him down so his feet are touching the ground. Langa ruffles his hair affectionately.

“Sorry, Miya, I won’t do it again. Please don’t grab knives by their blades again.”

“Sorry,” He apologizes. “Panicked I guess.” Reki smiles at him, then punches him in the arm. Langa watches in content as the boy chases his boyfriend around the parking lot.

Eventually Cherry walks out of the hospital with who they assume is Miya’s mom. She allows him to go over to Reki’s house for the night. Miya thanks all of them before leaving with Reki and Langa.

They take over the living room and eat a bunch of junk food. Miya surprisingly gets along with Koyomi and agrees to teach her skateboarding tricks. Reki selfishly hopes they don't become friends, because he knows it would be a nightmare to have them work together in their schemes, but it is nice to see the boy being friendly.

All four of them end up sleeping out their on futons. Koyomi had practically begged to join them for a slumber party. Reki had only agreed because of her and Miya's puppy dog eyes.

Koyomi is half spread out on Miya's futon like a starfish, a habit she’s had since she was little. Miya is sleeping on Reki’s shoulder, trapping the boy in place. Langa’s propped up on his pillow lying on his side on the other side of Reki. His fingers lazily tracing his chest.

“Do you think he’ll react the same if I take a hard bail? I have a habit of scraping up my knees when I skate," Reki whispers, trying not to wake the two others.

“I’m not sure. If it happens, hopefully he won’t have anything sharp to grab onto," Langa says back to him in the same volume.

“I’m worried.”

“Me too. So you better be extra careful.” Reki pouts. If Miya had actually developed some sort of ptsd from his little high induced escapade, it would mean more problems for the both of them in the future. Reki wasn’t really sure how stuff like that worked, maybe he should do some research in case Miya freaks out again.

“ So much pressure. ” Instead of answering, Langa pulls him into a soft kiss. He frowns a second later.

“He’s totally hogging you.”

“Don’t choose now to be jealous, dude. I have two shoulders. ” Langa scoots closer and rests his head on Reki’s free shoulder. Reki cards his fingers through his hair. “ This is nice,” He whispers. Langa replies with a tired hum.

Langa’s breathing evens out after a while of soft petting. He always fell asleep quickly. It gave Reki more time to stare at him without shame. He glances at his finger, the waterproof bandaid doing its job of keeping it in place. It would heal quickly, it wasn’t very deep, might not even leave a very visible scar. His other cuts were already scabbed over and started to flake off. Langa told him not to pick at them or they’d bleed. They didn’t hurt anymore, besides the deeper ones, but Reki had a high pain tolerance to begin with.

Besides feeling awful about what happened with Miya, Reki hadn’t really felt off about anything after he’d relapsed. What used to happen, was he’d get urges to add to the cuts, but so far he hadn’t felt any intense ones. He hoped that meant he was getting better. But he knew better than to assume, he’s praying his brain isn’t having some delayed reaction to the trauma(?). He was worried his brain was tricking himself.

He was still too nervous to eat that brownie. It was probably stale by now in the back of his dresser. Cherry had told him to get rid of it, but part of Reki didn't want to be afraid. He didnt want his fear to hold him back, but the other part of him was worried that if he got too high again he’d get too lost in reality and do something he’d regret.

He’d take a break for now. He could try again with Langa if he felt more confident, (if the older teen was up for it, of course). Even if the other hadn’t smoked before, he told Reki he’d stay there with him if he was having doubts.

It was weird coming to realize he had so many people who cared about him. For the longest time he had  felt like such a nuisance to people. He was the oldest child of four, with one practically absent parent, so he grew up thinking he couldn’t ask for many things. He wasn't allowed to be selfish.

He’d been given so much support from his friends when he was too embarrassed to talk to his mom about it. He was so grateful to have them. Knowing that, he felt like he should contribute in some way in return. He knows he’s a nuisance when it comes to serious talks, but the least he could do is cooperate a little bit more. Then maybe do some more research about mental health in general, he really didn’t pay that much mind to it before, never being taught or told about it. Langa would definitely help him if he asked, Reki learned that they teach more about mental health in the west than they did in Japan, he probably already knew a ton more just from his classes. Plus, Langa had a soft spot for him. Apparently, the promise to skate together with someone infinitely meant they’d never leave. He was lucky to have him as a boyfriend.

“ Wha’ are you thinking ‘bout? ” comes Langa’s tired voice.

“ You're supposed to be asleep, ” Reki says, though he’s happy he’s awake again.

“So are you’” Langa points out, and Reki supposes that’s true.

“I was just thinking about you guys…how you all care about me, even though a year ago we didn't know each other.”

“Having doubts?” Langa asks him.

“No, none at all.”

Langa smiles tiredly into his shoulder, moving closer until their arms are completely wrapped around each other. Reki rests his head on his boyfriend's fluffy hair. He didn't know what he'd do without him, without his friends.

“ I can't handle losing you, Langa… ” Reki had admitted to him before in a moment of weakness.

Langa had replied, “ You'll never lose me, Reki, not any of us, ” And Reki didn't know if he could trust him.

A loud snore interrupts his thoughts, Reki smiles at Miya, whose clung even closer than before, and Langa, who has started to drool on his shoulder, and he asks himself, ‘Wow, I am never going to get rid of them, am I?’