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The first time Luffy told Sanji "I love you," it was punctuated with a kiss on his cheek, as Sanji bends down to give Luffy his pancakes. At first Sanji doesn't react, just stands and listens to Luffy as he gives thanks and then immediately digs into the food. It takes a couple minutes for the realization to set in, and when it does, Sanji completely forgets about the pan full of sausage he has in his hand cooking over open flame. He doesn't even notice that its caught fire until Nami yells at him and tries to take it out of his hand before he fucks up the food even more.
He forgets about what Luffy said after that.
~~~
The second time those three small words spill from Luffy's mouth, Sanji immediately remembers the feeling of soft lips on his cheek, and the smell of burning sausage, and he can't help the blush that rises to his face. Luffy just smiles, tilts his head to the side in curiosity, and waits for a response. Sanji doesn't know what response to give, doesn't know why his hearts beating so fast or why he's suddenly very aware that its past midnight, and he and Luffy are the only ones in the kitchen. Suddenly very aware that Luffy's smile looks like sunshine, or for the first time in the months he's been living on the Going Merry, he's suddenly self conscious when Luffy sneaks up to hug him from behind, peering over the cooks shoulder to get a glance of the food being prepared and ask when the food will be ready.
Sanji sighs, and ignores Luffy's antics for now, focusing on finishing up the fried rice he was preparing. He could worry about responding later, when he's not tied up with sating Luffys constant hunger.
~~~
The third time Sanji hears "I love you," his heart stops completely, and he barely has time to recognize Luffy's smile before the captains darting out onto the winter island they just docked at.
~~~
Zoro tells Sanji not to worry, rolls his eyes when Sanji confesses over a plate of onigiri that he thinks Luffy might like him. "He's just Luffy, curlybrow. He says stuff like that all the time. You're not that special." Sanji's not sure Zoro's correct, but then again, it makes sense. Luffy's never shown interest in anyone. Sanji never actually thought Luffy would ever be interested in a relationship. Not to mention, Luffy loves food more than anything else, and Sanji's his main provider of food.
He decides to write it off as nothing to worry about.
~~~
After that conversation, Sanji starts noticing more often the ways Luffy will display affection. He throws an arm over Nami's shoulder and asks what book she's reading, he lets Chopper ride on his shoulder, sneaks around with Usopp and holds onto the back of their shirt to keep track of them. He doesn't say I love you, or maybe he does, but Sanji just won't hear it.
~~~
In the heat of the desert, Sanji starts to realize that Luffy might have more to him than he seems. The captain hangs all over his brother, badgering him with questions and demanding attention. At night, when Luffy has curled up next to Ace's lap, Sanji hears an "I love you," murmured past tired lips. He doesn't have to turn around to see Ace's smile.
But that "I love you," didn't sound the same as the ones Luffy had shared with Sanji. Or maybe he's just pretending.
~~~
The defeat of Crocodile comes with an enthusiastic Luffy and a grand feast. Sanji hasn't enjoyed himself so much in a while, but he can't take his eyes off Luffy's smile. It's magnetic, and it makes Sanji wonder if Luffy likes this cooking more.
The end of the meal finds Sanji looking out over the city with a cigarette in hand. He's not expecting rubber arms to wrap around his waist, or for the weight of a seventeen year old to come crashing into his back. His fingers lose the cigarette, and he sighs for the seconds preceding Luffy's speech. "Hey, Sanji. You should smile more, like you did today." Luffy rests his chin on Sanji's shoulder, and the cooks very aware of the fact that his captain has to stand on tiptoes to achieve that. "I like it when you smile." Sanji turns to look at Luffy, and he's caught off guard by his bright smile.
He's caught even more off guard when Luffy kisses him on the lips. It barely lasts five seconds, before Luffy is grinning and racing off to chase Usopp's calling voice.
That had to have been something special, runs a thought across Sanji's mind.
~~~
The conviction that Luffy's kiss meant something special is weakened when they finally land in Skypiea, and Luffy's hand is clasped tight around Zoro's as he drags him towards the beach. A hole opens itself in Sanji's chest, and his hand moves instinctively to find out why it hurts. Robin watches him, and Sanji does his best to brush off the motion once he's realized that he is still, physically, in one piece.
Maybe this is what a broken heart feels like.
~~~
A broken heart, as it turns out, feels much, much worse than a quiet ache nestled between two smokers lungs. Sanji ignores the way his heart twists when it's Zoro that Luffy goes to for comfort, after his fight with Usopp. It's not jealousy, it's never jealousy, because all he really wants is to see Luffy's smile light up the world, and if Zoro can bring it out the most, then Sanji is content to care after Nami and Robin instead.
~~~
When Luffy tells him he loves him again, it feels like a punch in the gut. He can't breathe, can't respond, and he's so glad that Luffy can't see the tears that suddenly sprung up in the corner of Sanji's eyes. The cook smiles, squeezes Luffy's hand gently, and tells him to get some rest. It was a difficult fight he had to go through just to get Robin back, and Sanji wants him to sleep. For his own health.
He ignores the way Robin watches after him, ignores the thrumming of his aching, aching heart, and smiles at Nami when she asks for a drink. He will always be of service, for when Nami needs a drink.
~~~
The first time Sanji really sees it, is when Zoro finally decides to leave the boat after landing on Thriller Bark. The shine in Zoro's eyes, the way they light up even as he sighs and shakes his head at Luffy's whining. Sanji's glad to see the bright smile on Luffy's face, he's glad that Zoro and Luffy compliment each other so well. Part of him still wishes though, that Luffy had never told him "I love you."
He regrets that thought immediately, because without Luffy's words, Sanji wouldn't have been able to appreciate his smile as much. Wouldn't have paid as much attention to what it feels like to be sprayed with salt water in a storm. He would have never agreed to follow Luffy out onto the deck of the Thousand Sunny while it was pouring rain outside, just to listen to the sound of raindrops on the ocean. The appreciation for small things life on the sea can bring, that he never paid attention to until joining this crew. Even if Luffy never said "I love you," surely Sanji still would have found these enjoyments.
But they wouldn't be colored bright red and yellow, tinged with an undercurrent of what Sanji no longer denies is love. He regrets thinking he would have been better off without those feelings, or those memories.
~~~
Devotion was something that Sanji carried, deep in his bones. This at least, was something he could be sure of. But when he see's Zoro stand in front of Kuma, hears him beg to take his life instead of Luffy's, panic sets in. Sanji stands on fractured bones to say please, please take my life instead of Zoro's. Please, don't take away Luffy's smile from this world.
He's seen how happy Luffy is with Zoro. He doesn't want to see what Luffy's like when he's lost that.
His regret now is that he couldn't have put up a bigger fight against Zoro.
But at least, Zoro isn't dumb enough to die.
~~~
Luffy sneaks into the kitchen one night, when Sanji had fallen asleep at the dining table. Soft fingertips trail across his hands, finally bringing the cook out of his slumber. He blinks slowly, confused as to who is holding his hand, but across the table sits Luffy, smiling softly. A blush rises across Sanji's face, and his first instinct is to pull his hand away, but he keeps it there instead. Let's Luffy inspect the hands that have made him food countless times before, and lets the feeling of fingers tracing his callouses and bones lull him back to the edge of sleep.
He's pulled back again by Luffy's voice, soft in the muted air of nighttime. "Zoro won't tell me what happened at Thriller Bark. But he told me you wanted to take his place instead." A pause punctuates the air, and Luffy smiles, lacing his fingers with Sanji. "I love Zoro, you know. But I still love Sanji too." The blush that rises from Sanji's neck is bright red, and it makes Luffy laugh, because Sanji's always been so pale that he can't hide his blushing. "I think maybe Sanji's worried that I love Zoro more, but I don't. Zoro loves me, though. So I wonder if Sanji loves me too."
And the yes is right at the edge of his tongue, but it sticks in his mouth like peanut butter, because he's afraid of coming between happiness that's already there, he's afraid of what might happen if he says yes, and Luffy's smile fades to something much more muted, something much less like the sun, and Sanji wants to apologize, wants to blurt out that he's loved Luffy since he barged his way into Sanji's life. But Luffy has already slipped through his fingers, and the closing door barely makes a sound in the night, but it feels like a gunshot in Sanji's ears.
Later, he can't find the words or the time to apologize.
~~~
Everyones worst nightmare rears its ugly head in Sabody. None of the earlier events, losing Camie to slave traders, or watching Hatchan be degraded, or anything they've put up with before this island, could have prepared them for this. Sanji's heart feels like its been ripped out of his chest as he watches Luffy's panic for his crew, and his immediate instinct is to want to go and comfort him. But getting Nami to safety is more important now, escaping this fight is the only thing that's going to save their skins. It's Zoro's disappearance that stops Sanji's heart. He's seen this before, had this nightmare, and he doesn't want to see it again. His blood boils when he goes to stand against Kuma, but the next thing he knows he's gone. The crew is nowhere near him, and he realizes that Luffy is probably terrified. He hopes that he and Zoro were the only ones to be separated, that things will still work out somehow.
~~~
The news of Ace's death brings a fresh wave or torment to Sanji's heart. He should have been there, he should have been able to do something, but he was completely hopeless. Useless.
~~~
Another newspaper finds its way to his hands, and he gives up on getting back to Sabody as soon as possible. He follows his captains orders, and waits two years of training, like instructed. It's painful, and not a week goes by when he thinks back to the news of Marineford, and wishes he could have been there. But that's what this is for, these two years of worry and trial. So that they never have to go through that nightmare again.
~~~
Two years is a long time to think. He finally found the words he wanted to say when he returns, and his heart sings when he finally turns up on Sabody again, and see's familiar faces now changed by two years of age. His favorite though, is still Luffy, and the smile that lights up the entire island when he turns to see Sanji again for the first time.
Sanji has his answer ready for a question that was asked to long ago, and when he finally finds the time to wrap his arms around Luffys shoulders and enjoy the warmth of closeness, he can finally, easily, breathe out "I love you too."