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One of these days, Shinobu was going to strangle Itto.
She couldn’t believe she was standing outside the police station for the fifth time that week. It was a new low, even for the Arataki Gang. Sure, they had a knack for getting themselves into all sorts of trouble, but this was pushing it. They normally landed here once or twice a month, if that. Not five whole days, back to back, without any sign of stopping.
For a moment, she considered going home. If she picked up the pace, she’d arrive right on time for dinner. Let the gang stew in their cell for a night, see if she cared. Maybe missing out on Granny Oni’s home-cooked meals would scare those boneheads straight.
Unfortunately, that would just be cruel and unusual punishment for the guards. Besides, she didn't have the heart to simply up and abandon her friends. So against her better judgment, she decided to bail them out. Again.
“Owada,” she greeted, bowing her head toward the officer. By now, she knew each Tenryou Commission member by name. Or rather, those tasked with manning the station. This was not a point of pride; merely a side effect of becoming a regular visitor.
“Ah, Shinobu. We meet again,” he replied, recognition slowly dawning on his face. Once he recalled her reason for being there, his expression fell. An understandable reaction, all things considered. “How...unfortunate.”
Shinobu held back a deep, exhausted sigh. Instead, she asked, “What are they in for this time?”
What she appreciated about Owada was his no-nonsense attitude. He was a hardworking man hoping to retire sooner rather than later, which made for a very forthcoming source of information. When the Arataki Gang landed themselves in the slammer, it was Owada who listed their many grievances, albeit with a bit of an attitude. At least Shinobu knew what she was walking into each time she spoke with the Yoriki.
This time, however, was different.
"I don't think I caught the reason," the guard admitted. "Madam Kujou Sara brought them in herself. Now that I think about it, she's been interrogating them for what, twenty? No, maybe thirty minutes. Must be a pretty big deal if the general is personally dealing with your gang."
Great. Knowing Itto, he was finding ways to increase the length of his stay. Either by challenging Sara to a duel or foolishly admitting to other crimes, maybe something in between. The possibilities were unfortunately endless and made Shinobu's job that much harder. It was bad enough that her 'preferences' toward Sara could potentially cloud her judgement.
Granted, her romantic inclinations were nothing she'd ever admit out loud. But Itto wasn't doing her any favors by landing himself in police custody and involving the object of her hidden affections. How exactly would Shinobu face Sara now? After promising and failing to reel the gang back in, what good would Shinobu's word be?
"I don't get paid enough for this," she muttered under her breath, marching through the front doors of the station.
She didn't get paid at all, actually. Not unless someone was hiring the gang for a freelance gig, or a Hanamizaka local wished to reimburse Shinobu for her advice. No, her legal services were strictly pro bono for the Arataki Gang. Bailing them out was simply in her job description.
As the doors quietly clicked shut behind her, Shinobu could hear distant shouting. She briskly moved deeper into the station, right past the unmanned desk she'd otherwise have to check into. One less problem to deal with, at least.
"Hey, watch how you're carrying him!" That was definitely Genta's voice, and he sounded distressed.
This was followed by Mamoru loudly whispering, "Boss, look at what she's doing to Ushi!"
Then came Sara's exasperated sigh, along with a drawn-out moo from Ushi. "I'm keeping him out of harm's way," she sternly explained. "If he continues sifting through classified evidence, I'll have no choice but to confiscate him entirely."
Finally, Shinobu rounded the corner and located the source of the commotion. While Itto and the rest of the gang were squared away in a cell, Ushi was tucked under Sara's arm. Shinobu noted how her sharp, well-defined features were drawn into an irritable expression. In spite of this, Sara was no less beautiful than usual. If anything, the look suited her.
Hey, focus! Shinobu mentally scolded herself, fists clenched at her side. Now is not the time to get distracted.
To Shinobu's dismay, Sara chose that very moment to adjust Ushi beneath her arm. Her muscles flexed from the subtle movement, hinting at her restrained strength. Shinobu couldn't help but gawk, eyes widening a fraction. Fortunately, neither Sara nor the Arataki Gang noticed her presence. (That, and a mask covered the majority of her face. Even if they did happen to look her way, she could feign indifference.)
"Boys, relax," Itto chuckled. "This is all part of the plan, remember?"
He was currently propped up against the bars of his cell and looking oddly...content. Unperturbed, even. Shinobu honestly expected to find Itto throwing a fit. Instead, he was the epitome of cool, calm, and collected. For someone currently trapped in jail, he sure wasn't acting like it.
Suddenly, a chorus of acknowledgement rang out. "Ooh, now I remember," Akira muttered. "Just gotta stall 'til Shinobu gets here. Right, boss?"
Oh? Apparently Shinobu missed some kind of memo. Which was to say, Itto cooked up a hare-brained scheme and intentionally excluded Shinobu. That could only mean one thing: it was so foolish, so incomprehensibly stupid, that he knew she'd shoot the plan down immediately.
"Right," Itto agreed, sounding thoroughly pleased with his gang. He turned to give them a thumbs up, then faced Sara once more. "Do your worst, Kujou Tengu! Ushi's a big boy, he can take whatever you throw his way."
Lips curling into a scowl, Sara snapped, "You do realize I can hear every word you're saying, don't you?"
Itto frowned. "Right. Alright, gang, time for Plan B! Looks like we need to speed up the process. Ushi, stand down."
On cue, the bull went limp in Sara's grasp. A lesser woman would toss the creature aside without a second thought. Instead, Shinobu watched as the general knelt down to allow the bull free reign of the floor. Then, as one might expect, Sara rose to fix Itto with a glare. The look was so fierce, the other members immediately shrunk behind him.
"Enough stalling," Sara firmly stated, tone brokering no room for argument. "For five days, you've paraded around this station without any regard for others. Enough is enough. Arataki Itto, you—"
"Look, I already know what you're going to say," he suddenly interrupted. "Itto, stop disturbing the peace. Itto, you're wasting taxpayer money. Fine, whatever. But listen! Listen. Has anyone told you how awesome Kuki Shinobu is today?"
To her credit, Sara did not immediately reach through the bars and start clobbering Itto over the head. Because Shinobu was about five seconds away from doing that herself, so she wouldn't fault Sara for the exact same. Luckily for Itto, Shinobu was too mortified to move an inch. She could only watch as Sara regarded him with a bewildered expression, obviously taken aback by his sudden rant.
Apparently, Itto took Sara's silence as permission to continue. "Those fancy certificates of ours? All thanks to Shinobu, baby," he gloated. "I'm talking legal consultations, business negotiations, catering, fashion design — heck, even musical performances! That brain of hers is huge."
Clearly Itto took pride in all of her accomplishments, almost as if they were his own. In quite literally any other circumstance, she'd be flattered. However, she did not need him singing her praises in front of a colleague. Shinobu took far more pride in the fact she and Sara regarded each other as equals. To list off Shinobu's accomplishments was redundant at best, but otherwise patronizing to a similarly accomplished woman.
For a moment, Sara carefully considered Itto. After surmising he had no ulterior motives, she plainly asked, "Why are you telling me this?"
"Well, duh. Isn't it obvious? To prove that Shinobu is the perfect woman," he scoffed, as if she should have already known this herself. "Don't get the wrong idea, though. I'm a man's man, if you catch my drift, but even I can tell Shinobu is a ten out of ten."
Shinobu desperately wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole.
Sadly, no such luck would come to pass. Mustering what little dignity remained, Shinobu finally made herself known. "Boss," she began, voice rising as she stepped forward. "I'm begging you, please stop talking."
Once he caught sight of her, Itto triumphantly crowed. "There she is! The pride and joy of the Arataki Gang, the best and brightest of Hanamizaka, our fearless savior here to rescue us from—"
Feeling her face flush beneath her mask, Shinobu immediately snapped, "Boss, I said quit it!"
To her relief, Itto immediately made a zipping motion over his mouth. It was followed by a wink, though, so she didn't have much faith in his silence. At least the rest of the gang had the decency to look sheepish. They remained behind Itto for protection, obviously well aware that Shinobu wouldn't hesitate to punish them with her fists.
When she gathered the courage to face Sara, Shinobu noticed something peculiar. Where there was once a scowl now resided a much softer expression. Something akin to fondness, if Shinobu had to guess. Ultimately, she chalked it up to relief on Sara's part. Most people had the same reaction every time she arrived to wrangle the gang back in.
"Shinobu," Sara greeted, bowing at her waist. Shinobu's blush intensified tenfold, and she could feel her cheeks growing embarrassingly hot. Even with her mask concealing most of her face, it would be hard to hide any further reactions.
Shinobu bowed in return, making sure to keep her eyes trained on the floor. "Madam Kujou. I apologize for their behavior."
Sara huffed out a laugh, drawing Shinobu's eyes back to hers. "Sara will do just fine," she corrected, an unmistakable glimmer of something in those golden irises. "I take it you've arrived to post their bail?"
Right as Shinobu was about to respond, Itto interrupted with an overdramatic groan. "Come on," he whined. "Where are the sparks? The fireworks? The big declarations of love? You're talking to a real winner here, Kujou Tengu. Y'know, our Shinobu could have any lady she wants—"
"Itto!" Shinobu exclaimed. Once more, she wanted the earth to chew her up and never spit her back out.
"What?! She was totally checking you out just now!"
"Boss, I am this close to wringing your neck—"
"Boys, wasn't the general totally giving Shinobu a look? Actually, not just any look — the Look."
Now it was Shinobu's turn to scowl. In spite of her mask, she hoped her anger was palpable. That did little to deter the other members, though. All three grew emboldened by their leader's insistence. They quickly began adding to Itto's claims that Shinobu was, in fact, a catch.
"Shinobu gives candy to babies! Instead of, uh, taking it. Yeah, that!"
"Shinobu is the best law student Liyue has ever seen!"
"Shinobu was the one to deflect the Almighty Shogun's blade and save the Traveler!"
Overwhelmed and desperate, Shinobu reached through the cell and took hold of Itto's chest straps. She purposely ignored his yelp of pain and locked eyes. Then, with as much fury as she could muster, threatened him. "If you don't knock it off, I am going to personally write a letter to Miss Hina. Then we'll see how she feels about this little stunt you're pulling."
And just like that, silence fell over the room.
Her words were admittedly a low blow, but again, Shinobu was desperate. It was no secret within the Arataki Gang that Miss Hina was the closest thing Itto had to a role model. Her words were as good as sacred prayers, as far as Itto was concerned. If she caught wind of this and disapproved of his methods? Oh, he'd never recover. Shinobu would be consoling him for weeks. Maybe even months.
"Shinobu," came Sara's calm, controlled voice. "May I have a word with you?"
Shinobu's eyes narrowed while Itto's widened. Thankfully, the ramifications of his actions were finally sinking in. He managed a weak, awkward smile as Shinobu released him, but not before mouthing sorry, my bad. She took a long, steadying breath — bracing for the no doubt humiliating conversation to come — and slowly turned to face Sara.
Who, to Shinobu's surprise, had the faintest flush to her complexion.
Apparently the expression on Shinobu's face betrayed her shock, because Sara made a point of clearing her throat. "I trust that you'll prevent these four from ending up here again," she stated. "Their offenses were menial, but times have changed. The people of Inazuma expect peace, not grown men challenging their children to onikabuto battles."
Sara spared nothing more than a brief glance in Itto's direction. Yet her disdain was noticeable to someone with a keen eye. In this case, Shinobu could tell her leader was wearing on the general's patience.
"My sincerest apologies," Shinobu sighed, shoulders sagging. "I don't know what got into them, but I'll make sure they stay out of your hair. And everyone else's, for that matter." There was a brief sound of protest from the cell, but one look from Shinobu quieted them back down.
Satisfied with her answer, Sara nodded. "Very well. Then by all means, please escort them out of the city. The sooner, the better."
"Understood. Thank you for your patience."
Truth be told, Shinobu was thanking the Archons above that Sara chose to ignore the obvious. Of course, that didn't negate her frustration with Itto and the rest of the gang. As she turned away from Sara, the anger returned anew. Whether it was due to her own embarrassment or the potential discomfort they put Sara through, she couldn't yet tell. Either way, she was far from pleased.
This time the boys knew better than to test their luck. One by one, they were released from the cell with minimal hassle. Even Itto went without a single quip, but he did huff and puff, just to let Sara know just how displeased he was by everything.
Then, as Shinobu moved to follow them out of the holding room, she felt a hand press against the curve of her back.
"There are...other matters I wish to discuss," Sara carefully spoke, her breath ghosting across Shinobu's ear. "Preferably without an audience. Do let me know when you have time to meet."
Shinobu stood in stunned silence for a moment, doing everything in her power not to let slip her reaction. It was sheer luck that the gang was too busy shuffling out of the station to realize Shinobu was being held back. Otherwise, their teasing would very well begin again.
Finally nodding, she quietly replied, "I'll be in touch."
As the front doors to the station shut behind him, Itto couldn't contain himself any longer.
Beaming ear to ear, he began exchanging high-fives with the rest of his crew. "Ha! Operation: Get Shinobu Her First Date was a complete success. Courtesy of yours truly," he boasted. "I mean, come on. Did you see that back there? Total chemistry, my guys."
"You called it, boss!" Akira laughed, immediately pulling both Genta and Mamoru in a celebratory headlock.
"Yeah," Mamoru choked out. "Don't worry, she'll thank us one day!"
All things considered, spending most of the week in jail was worth it. Sure, Shinobu kept acting like she didn't need help from her super successful, fool-proof, top-notch wingman, but Itto knew how to read between the lines. If it wasn't for him, then Shinobu would still be stuck on square one of Operation: Secure Shinobu A Tengu Girlfriend. Itto was a pro at playing the long game. Well, usually. Shinobu just had to trust the process.
Before he could give himself a pat on the back, Itto suddenly felt a painful tug on his ear. "Ow, ow, ow," he whined. "Hey, what gives?!"
In an instant, he found himself eye-to-eye with a furious-looking Shinobu. Even with half her face concealed, those eyes didn't lie. On a good day, Shinobu was a force to be reckoned with. When she was angry? Boy, was Shinobu beyond terrifying.
The moment their eyes locked, Itto knew his fate was sealed.
"Shinobu, we — ow! Listen, we were just — no, not the hair, not the hair!"