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It was another one of those nights, Ezio had come back to his bottega hurt again. Leonardo hated how familiar the situation was starting to become to him.
It wasn't the worst he had ever seen. But it certainly wasn't a minor injury. Leonardo knew that the moment Ezio collapsed in his hug. By now, he knew better than to keep his assistants in the main workshop after sunset. No, it was more like by now his assistants knew not to impede into the nature and identity of whoever this man was, his relation with maestro transcending all common sense of security.
"Leonardo, amore." Leonardo could hear both the forced smile as well as the underlying grimace in the breath against his neck as they hugged. The mission did not go well as far as he was concerned if it meant Ezio returning to him in this state. In Firenze, they were both younger in mind, soul, body and strength. Things were easier to handle. Venezia was taking its toll on both of them.
"Let's get you healed, caro." Leonardo replied, easily supporting his friend by his shoulder as they went upstairs, Leonardo feeling the small nod against his neck. From the many times he had done this by now, he knew that a few minutes of delay right now to take Ezio upstairs was worth not having to move him and risk tearing his stitches on the days to come when he needed to rest.
He noticed that his own camisa was bloody from their short walk as he laid Ezio down on the freshly made sheets. The delivery from a bell earlier meant that it was an expensive one that would require more explanations to the servants rather than Leonardo being able to wash them himself with some vinegar. It was going to be a long and agonising night for them both, he concluded at the large patch of fresh blood instead of crusty streaks. It only dawned on him how he no longer panicked these days, no hasty movements of trying to do everything at once, trying to get Ezio quickly healed only to worsen his situation like the first few instances that this happened. If only the gut wrenching fear of losing the single most important person in his life could also ebb away with each passing occurrence like these. It never did. Which is why he still had to close his eyes forcefully to stop the tears from making way as he walked to get the medicines and needles, kept right here in the cupboard of his room because of how frequently he needed them these days.
"Leonardo," Ezio's hand grabbed onto his own palm, quivering and barely enough force in it from the blood loss. But Leonardo neither needed force in his voice nor in his grip to hear it. When he turned around, Ezio mumbled, "Forgive me."
Leonardo furiously nodded his head in a no, smiling wide with a short, almost sudden but a happy laugh. The tears flowing freely down his cheeks right now and wetting the inside neck told him that there was no point hiding them anymore and so he didn't let go of Ezio's palm just to wipe them. "It's alright, Ezio. You'll…. you'll make it upto me by promising to never let it happen again." It was a small jab. Leonardo knew it made him a horrible person to say something like that to his love. But he was tired, they both were and they both knew it. So there was no point in hiding it. Not to mention, that Ezio always had that special ability to bring out his true self, out of the facade he kept up in front of everyone else.
Ezio smiled as well, that twinkle in his eyes that shouldn't be there when putting himself in situations like these, "It won't." There wasn't a grain of sincerity on his face, and yet the only thing Leonardo cared about in that moment that he was still well enough to talk and care about easing Leonardo's worries. In fact he was glad that it won't be the last time this would happen, for it meant that his lover would live tonight.
And so Leonardo started, beginning by narrowing down exactly where he was hurt and how to carefully remove the armour without exacerbating the wounds. It was a long night indeed…...
"Where did it go wrong?" Leonardo asked, trying to take Ezio's mind off the sting as he used water to soften the bits of his camisa, stuck to the drying blood at the edges while the centre still bled freely.
"The mission was successful. The escape, not so much. But the money would do good for Monteriggioni. It would fund the weekly markets for a good few months."
"Shh... Shh…. Just a bit more..." He knew it stung, didn't care about the bone crushing grip as he cleaned the wound with some distilled alcohol.
"Cazzo! I hate those brutes!"
Don't aggravate them then!, Leonardo wanted to shout but controlled himself and continued with the stitches.
"I love you."
The laudanum was starting to work now. "I know," Leonardo squeezed his hand before continuing to wrap the cleaned cloth around the last gash.
"It will never happen again."
"I know."
"Why do you not let me die?" Ezio asked when Leonardo got up to clean and put everything back in place.
"Ezio!" Even the medicines and pain was no excuse for asking something like this to him.
"I'm sorry. I… I'm sorry." Ezio said, eyes glassy in the brief glimpse that Leonardo was able to catch before he looked away in shame.
He forcefully turned Ezio's face to look at him. "I will never…." Shaking his head helplessly, Leonardo simply said, "I can't." It was enough for Ezio to understand what he meant.
Ezio's tears started wetting his own hand as well, "I love you. I don't deserve you."
"You do," Leonardo whispered as he let Ezio hide his head against his chest, cradling his head and stroking the small of his nape. "You do…." He would happily do this for eternity if it meant this man would have somewhere to rest.
When everything was finally done, the sky outside was just beginning to herald a new day with its purple giving way to orange. Leonardo had changed out of his clothes and into a fresh undershirt. He had expected Ezio to already be asleep. Instead, he found him staring at nothing, with his eyes wide open and a stream of tears flowing down his face. He needed to increase the amount of laudanum, it seemed. But it was the fact that there was otherwise no expression whatsoever on his face was what filled Leonardo with fear.
As if reading his mind, Ezio asked, "Give me some more of the laudanum."
"Is it unbearable?" Leonardo asked in concern as he mixed some more into a small amount of grappa to aid the bitter taste before handing the bowl over.
"No." Ezio waited until he had consumed all of the drink. Placing the bowl somewhere on the floor, he finally pulled weakly onto Leonardo's camisa until he got up onto the bed, until he had Leonardo on top of himself, "Make love to me."
There was no lust or want in his being. Leonardo would know, being the only person so intimately familiar with those emotions on Ezio's face these days. The fact that Ezio said 'make love' instead of 'fuck me' was also revealing of something neither of them had the energy to address right now. Taking Ezio's face between his palms and kissing Ezio chastely on his lips while carefully avoiding his wounds, Leonardo replied, "We'll worsen your wounds. And I don't feel like it." It was true, Leonardo would not have been able to become hard in such a situation, seeing Ezio in such a grievous state. Thankfully, Ezio had never asked anything like this… until today that is.
"You don't have to come. But I need to feel you close to me." Taking a sharp breath, Leonardo saw something he rarely ever saw on Ezio's face, fear. "I know the things that make me want to sacrifice myself, things that I would gladly kill myself for. But I need to know what I'm living for. Tell me I'm worth more to someone than my actions and outcomes."
"Ezio….." Leonardo pulled him close into his chest, for the first time not caring about the wounds either as he hugged him as tight as he possibly could. It probably hurt but he could stich Ezio again. Everything else, even the pain in Ezio's body was of little importance right now. Right now the only thing Leonardo cared about was to ensure that Ezio's heart still wanted to live. "Shh…" Leonardo began to remove the sheets from Ezio's body, began to remove his own undershirt. "Wait a moment," Leonardo slid out of the bed, drawing an aching moan from Ezio to retrieve more of the laudanum. "I don't want you to remember any pain."
Ezio nodded, drinking some more of the opium, undiluted this time. Leonardo watched as his eyes became heavier, the pupils diluting and a sigh of relief leaving his lips. "Love me, Leo."
Leonardo kissed him, laid his body as flush against Ezio as possible without putting force on the bandage around his abdomen. Ezio, however, pulled him right in until Leonardo felt the wet, sticky and unmistakable warmth of blood against his own skin. Ezio was crying again, he was too. It felt like they were saying goodbye even though Leonardo knew Ezio would not die today. But he would someday. Even though it was not above his thirst for vengeance Ezio needed Leonardo to know how much he meant to him, above all pain, above his own wellbeing. And Leonardo was proud, he realised, as their tears and strings of saliva streaked each other's faces as they never once let the other pull away despite not being able to kiss between the almost wounded cries.
Ezio cradled his face with his hands, still holding him close for Leonardo to be able to feel the feverous breaths, "Whenever that day comes, Leonardo, when I'm bleeding in what will eventually become my grave." Leonardo bit Ezio's lips to stop him, but seeing the lack of opposition and silent acceptance in his glistening eyes before they closed broke Leonardo. He needed to do this. And so Leonardo let him with a nod, "I want you to know, even then, this is what I'd want. This is what I'd take with me. Your love."
"Is this goodbye?" Leonardo felt the words themselves feel salty in a way that had nothing to do with the taste of their tears.
"No. But I don't know if I would be capable of reaching you when that day eventually comes."
Ezio closed his eyes then, letting the medicine do its job. But Leonardo knew he wasn't sleeping, wasn't asleep. Not yet. He did not bother with the oil. And Ezio didn't hold back his pained and yet satisfied groan when he entered hin. He did have sex with Ezio that night, between tears and kisses and blood and pain. Leonardo kept true to his promise, never letting go even when he couldn't stay hard inside him, not even when Ezio passed out from the drugs and bloodloss. But his fingers never once removed themselves from between Leonardo's.
. the last bell of 1 May, 1519
"Ezio?"
"Si, Leo?"
"I think it is time."
Ezio gulped, quickly replacing the pain that overcame his face with a smile. He hoped but knew better than to think that the soft moonlight and the dimmed lantern would keep Leonardo from seeing it. Out of all the outcomes he had imagined, Ezio living a full life to an old man and Leonardo passing away first had never come up in his mind. "I want to hold you."
Leonardo smiled. Of all the things that time had taken away, the sparkle in his eyes never changed when he smiled. "Make love to me."
It was goodbye. And Ezio felt his tears prickling, immediately hiding his face from Leonardo's gaze as he searched for the oil they rarely used anymore. Leonardo kissed and wiped his tears away with his working left hand as he lifted their nightgowns enough to stretch Leonardo and oil himself.
"We'll meet again, Ezio." Ezio nodded, leaning into Leonardo's touch as he kissed his forehead. And Ezio realised that despite the pain…. despite never having braced himself to the possibility of outliving Leonardo, it was still the best outcome they could have had. Leonardo would never have to go through the pain of living without him, his prominent place in society not giving him the option of ending it with his own hands the way Ezio could.
Sometime during the night, Leonardo took his last breath between Ezio's arms, joined together, close, with a smile on his face and the fingers of his left hand forever holding onto Ezio's till death did them apart.