Chapter Text
Mark checks his phone, trying not to be annoyed. He’s half an hour early, so it’s hardly Jeno’s fault for not expecting him, but Mark still wishes he’d reply to his texts. He’s waiting in front of the door to the apartment, shifting from foot to foot with impatience. He’s already texted twice, and knocked. He hates phone calls.
Jeno and Jaemin’s apartment has a keycode lock, which Jeno says is convenient and Jaemin says is a security risk. Mark knows the code, but he feels weird using it. What if Jeno is out? What if it’s only Jaemin in there? Mark shudders at the thought; he doesn’t relish the thought of making awkward conversation with Jeno’s pink haired boyfriend for half an hour. There’s nothing worse than smalltalk with someone you should be friends with, but aren’t.
Still, Mark is wet with rain, his backpack is heavy, and he wants to put his umbrella down. He’ll take the risk; he punches in the code.
Mark enters and sets his bag down in the foyer, then steps towards the kitchen-- and then he stops.
---
He remembers to grab his bag on the way out; for some reason the thought that he shouldn’t forget it is crystal clear while the rest of him is panicking. He shuts the door with a bit more force than necessary and presses his back against it, slapping a hand over his mouth. His heart is beating harder than it ever has in his life.
He takes the stairs down and gets back in his car. He holds the steering wheel like an anchor, white knuckled. The second he settles down the thoughts start popping into his mind, flashing behind his eyelids like a movie.
It had taken him a moment to recognize what he was seeing. It was obvious, but it also didn’t process for several seconds. He just… didn’t expect it. Why the fuck would he? Who expects to walk in on their friends fucking?
He keeps getting flashes of it; Jaemin’s pink hair, so recognizable, and- and Jeno. And Jeno. Mark hadn’t given any thought to it, he really really hadn’t, but he’d away assumed Jaemin was the-- the bottom, or whatever the correct term was. He had pink hair, what else was Mark supposed to think? It seemed simple. But that had been Jeno, bent over the kitchen table with his arms pinned behind his back.
Jaemin had-- fuck, Mark truly doesn’t know him that well, he’s just Jeno’s boyfriend. He’s always been kind of annoying in some vague, undefinable way, but he’s sweet to Jeno. That’s all that really matters, when it comes down to it.
This hadn’t been gentle, though. There had been no gentleness in how he held Jeno’s arms behind his back, the way he kept fucking Jeno into the table in a way that would surely leave bruises, the way that his hand clenched in Jeno’s hair, grinding his face against the wood. His grip on Jeno’s shiny black hair had looked tight enough to hurt. Jeno had been making noise, not loud enough to be heard through the door, but the way his deep voice pitched into moans was unmistakable. It makes Mark feel really fucking weird, all of a sudden. He heard them. He clenches his eyes shut, but that just makes it worse.
Had Jeno been planning on recovering after that, and studying with Mark like it was nothing? Like Jaemin hadn’t just been fucking him over the same kitchen table where they worked? If Mark hadn’t gotten here early, that’s exactly what would’ve happened. And Mark wouldn’t have even known, holy shit . How many other times have he and Jeno hung out, while the other boy was still feeling it from Jaemin?
Mark feels that thought in his dick. He adjusts himself through his sweats, uncomfortable, and realizes he’s half hard. The realization makes him feel even more panicky. He’s already rattled, and he can’t go back in there and act like nothing happened.
He opens and closes his hands over the steering wheel, trying to dispel the anxiety that vibrates through his body, He texts Jeno some bullshit excuse to cancel and peels out of the parking lot to go back to his dorm and absolutely never think about this again .
---
His resolve to not think about it barely holds as he struggles his way through a quarter of the homework he could’ve gotten done with Jeno. He goes to bed with a headache, and he can’t sleep.
Mark lies awake in the pitch dark of his room, restless. His mind conjures up the few seconds of harsh breathing he’d heard, the way Jeno had looked as Jaemin crushed his face down into the table. He had looked completely dominated like that, like he couldn’t move even if he wanted to.
Mark palms himself through his boxers, uncomfortable. He shouldn’t even be thinking about this. He holds himself still in his bed, trying not to move, not to think about it.
It’s just that--
It’s just that Jeno didn’t seem like the type. He and Mark had never really talked about sex stuff, that was Donghyuck’s domain. After Jeno came out as bi, Mark figured it was just because he thought Mark would be uncomfortable with gay shit. Which wasn’t… wrong, for him to think.
They all knew what he was like, especially freshman year. He'd thought he was doing well adjusting to being friends with Donghyuck, one of the most openly and vulgarly bisexual people Mark has ever met, but Jeno coming out still threw him for a loop. The thought Jeno might’ve sucked dick before kept popping into his mind when he was trying to study with him. He’d done his best not to show it, and Jeno hadn’t seemed uncomfortable with him.
Mark had figured his shit out by the time Jeno started dating Jaemin, though. It helped that Jaemin had seemed like such an obvious choice. If Jeno was going to date a guy for the first time, of course it would be the pretty boy with pink keychains on his backpack and hello kitty stickers on his laptop. And obviously Jaemin was going to be the girl, and Jeno was the guy. Renjun would’ve told him he was a dipshit for thinking like that, but Mark couldn’t help it. It made sense, didn’t it? It made things easier, until the real world evidence made his mental math stop adding up.
If Jeno is the type of person who likes to be treated like that in bed, then-- then, god, Jaemin must be the luckiest person in the world.
Mark wonders what it feels like to do that to him. Jeno is one of the most beautiful people Mark has ever met. He may be straight, but he can admit that easily enough. Jeno is beautiful and strong, and Jaemin is the one with permission to hold him down and fuck him, as rough as he likes. Rough as they both like.
In the darkness of his room, alone, Mark feels safe enough to shift his hips, to shove slightly into his own hand. He shouldn’t do this, shouldn’t need this, but he’s only getting harder by the second. It’s just curiosity. Can he be forgiven for curiosity?
It’s only curiosity, to wonder what it’s like to look down on that broad back, to put a hand in that dark, silky hair, to be inside him. To be inside him, even though he’s another man. To be completely connected to him, to violate him because he wants you to. Mark thinks that might be the most intimate thing you can do with another person, to do something wrong like that together. That must be what love is like.
Mark jerks his hips harder, almost involuntarily, and gasps at the feeling. He bites down on his bottom lip, forcing himself to be quiet. He’s being rough with himself, enough to make it hurt a little bit, as if the discomfort will act as some kind of punishment for allowing himself to do this. He comes to the thought of Jeno clenched tight and hot around him.
He gets about five seconds of the instinctual relaxation that comes from orgasm before a wash of shame runs through his body, cold and drenching. It makes him shiver against his sheets.
Mark stares up into the dark, panting, and hates himself. It’s not a new feeling, but it’s not usually this intense. It irritates him. You fucking untrained dog, he thinks to himself, don’t do this again. He pinches his own hip, hard. It doesn’t help.
---
The next day he doesn’t even think about it until he’s already sitting in his first class of the day. It feels like a dream, something his brain made up. He might be able to convince himself that it hadn’t actually happened, except for the residual shame that hovers over him like a cloud, and the text conversation with Jeno from when he canceled. Jeno sent him a single sad face emoticon in response, which is very on brand for him.
Mark considers how to text Jeno now, maybe to offer an apology coffee for bailing, but he’s also pretty sure he’ll spontaneously combust if he sees Jeno in person. He needs at least twenty four hours to recover from this. He needs to be normal. He types and retypes a couple messages before deciding not to send any of them.
He manages to wrench half his brain away from his crisis to take notes for the rest of the class, even if he doesn’t understand a good portion of what he’s writing down.
His phone dings while he’s moving between classes, and Mark’s heart stops for a second, convinced that it’s Jeno. Jeno is a terrible texter, though, and Donghyuck is usually bothering him around now, so he has no reason to worry. He checks his phone casually, and nearly drops it when he reads the notification.
It’s not Jeno or Donghyuck; it’s a million times worse.
Jaemin
Did you come into our apartment last night?
Mark texts back instantly, hands shaking with anxiety.
Mark
How did you know??
There’s a pause, long enough to make Mark realize he shouldn’t have immediately incriminated himself like that. Fuck.
Jaemin
You left your umbrella here
Fuck.
Mark
Does Jeno know?
Jaemin
...no.
I was gonna ask if you saw anything, but now i’m assuming the answer is yes? You’re acting suspicious as fuck
Mark
I’m really sorry
I promise it wasn’t on purpose
Please dont tell him
There’s a long moment in which Jaemin’s typing bubble appears and disappears rapidly. Mark holds his breath in pure anxiety.
Jaemin
Why not
Mark
I don’t wanna make him uncomfortable
Jaemin
Why would you make him uncomfortable? You said it was an accident. Its a little embarrassing but it happens. Not a big deal really
Mark doesn’t know how to respond to that. Jaemin is right, this shouldn’t be a big deal, but Mark can’t exactly tell him that he made it exponentially weirder by going home and jerking off over it.
Mark
Please just dont tell him
Jaemin
You know usually walking in on somebody is a funny anecdote. Not something that makes you run away and bail on a routine study date you’ve been keeping for the whole semester
Mark
I didn’t have that much homework anyway
It’s a blatant lie, but Jaemin’s question is pissing him off. He has no right to be irritated, but he is anyway.
Jaemin
Sure
Very convincing
Mark narrows his eyes at his phone.
Mark
I just didn’t want to stay, okay?
It’s not my fault I walked in on you screwing him into the table
Jaemin
Aaaand there it is
Got an eyeful, did you?
Mark
No shit
He’s fully glaring at his phone now; something about this conversation is making him angry, although he doesn’t know what it is. It feels like Jaemin knows something he doesn’t, or is trying to get something out of him. It makes him nervous, as if Jaemin can just tell what a freak he is.
Mark
I dont think he’d be up for studying after that anyway
Jaemin
Wtf is that supposed to mean
Mark
Are you always that rough with him?
Jaemin
Not your business, actually
Are you worried about him or something? He’s a big boy, he can take it
Mark tries very hard not to think about how big of a boy Jeno might be, and how much of it he can take
Mark
It was surprising is all
Jaemin
Lol
Mark
Fuck off
Jaemin
Defensive
You think about it a lot then?
Mark stares at his phone for a second, his heart in his throat.
Mark
Go fuck yourself
No response. He has the distinct feeling that Jaemin is laughing at him.
Mark
Seriously dont tell him
Jaemin
Maybe. If you promise not to tell anybody
Mark
No way am i sharing this. Just dont tell him
Jaemin
Fine. It’ll be our secret~
Mark very much does not want to have a secret with Jaemin, but he’d rather die than tell anybody else about this.
He and Jaemin don’t talk or text each other again, and the incriminating conversation slowly gets buried under other text conversations.
Jaemin starts acting a bit more possessive with Jeno, though. At least around Mark. He keeps manhandling him, not in a forceful way, but he uses his body language to command. And Jeno complies, every single time. Jaemin might’ve been doing it before, but now that Mark is dialed in to them, it’s hard not to notice.
Mark also gets the feeling Jaemin is sending him smug looks, every time he wraps his hand around Jeno’s inner thigh and pulls him closer. Or when he sits on Jeno’s lap, which he definitely didn’t used to do.
Mark supposes it’s a natural response, to stake your claim in the presence of the straight boy who lowkey admitted he thinks about fucking your boyfriend. (Mark has reread their text conversation at least fifteen times, frantically trying to parse out if he was giving off those vibes or if Jaemin was just being antagonistic for no reason. He still isn’t sure.)
That doesn’t mean it’s not annoying. Mark doesn’t like being laughed at, and he definitely doesn’t like being laughed at over his very confusing and stressful sexual feelings.
After that night, he’d thought (hoped) that it would be a one time thing, but instead Jeno became like a magnet to him. Mark can barely keep his eyes off Jeno’s hands, his arms, his body, his lips. He’s a solid guy, real and warm and strong, and Mark cannot stop thinking about how Jaemin gets to use him. And how Mark himself would like to use him like that.
His desire comes with a rush of shame every single time he feels it. He’d get rid of it if he could, but he doesn’t know how to. It’s nothing more than a fantasy, something he can’t and won’t ever act on, but it haunts him nonetheless.
---
That weekend, Jeno invites him and Donghyuck over to watch a movie, and somehow Mark doesn’t think about how Jaemin will also be there. He wants to leave the moment he walks into their apartment with Donghyuck and sees them together; Jaemin is sitting at their counter, and Jeno leans against his back with his arms wrapped around Jaemin’s waist. It’s so domestic it hurts.
Donghyuck breaks the quiet of their apartment, because he’s Donghyuck and that’s what he does. Jeno looks up and smiles at them. Mark wants to die.
They watch Fight Club, which Mark has seen five times already. He’d be down to watch it fifteen more, usually. Usually.
“Do you guys ever think about how gay this movie is?” Jaemin asks, apropos of nothing.
"Oh, yeah," Donghyuck agrees casually. "I have eyes."
“What? No,” Mark disagrees. “What?”
Jaemin laughs, which makes Mark want to argue.
“Look at Brad Pitt, dude. Look at him. This is not a heterosexual movie.”
Mark sputters.
“I don’t-- he’s just--” Tyler Durden is wearing a mesh shirt that says ‘HUSTLER’ across his pecs.
“The dude who wrote the book was gay, Markie.” Jaemin looks smug. “We own everything. Does that ruin it for you?”
“Stop being mean, babe,” Jeno says softly. “Sorry, he likes being antagonistic.” He shoots Mark a reassuring smile, which forces Mark into a hard switch from irritated to ashamed. He’s not even sure what he’s ashamed of, but the feeling is there and it’s uncomfortable.
“I’m not antagonistic, I just like having fun,” Jaemin complains. Jeno pinches his hand, making him twitch.
“Nah, you’re good,” Donghyuck interjects. “Being mean to Mark is my favoite hobby.” Mark flips him off, which makes both Jeno and Jaemin laugh.
They quiet down for a moment and continue watching the movie, except now all Mark can think of is what Jaemin said. It makes him feel weird. Maybe Brad Pitt does look kind of… attractive, in this movie.
But it makes sense; the man is literally known for how handsome he is. It’s not weird to admire him, or his body. It’s a normal guy thing to notice. Mark certainly notices stuff like that a lot. Usually he can just ignore it, since he’s straight. He can even ignore the way Tyler Durden is never wearing any underwear, and the way his waistband always sits low enough to see the V of his hips.
Mark notices guys’ bodies a lot, because he wants to look like them, or he admires them, or he just… wants to look at them. Jeno is one of those guys; Mark’s seen him shirtless. Nobody in their right mind could say Jeno isn’t attractive.
Mark glances over at him. Jeno is sitting in between Mark and Jaemin on the couch, slumped against Jaemin’s side. He looks so comfortable and soft it’s unbearable. He’s fiddling with the drawstrings of his hoodie, chewing on them absentmindedly. It should be gross, but Mark is used to him doing it over the years they’ve known each other. His gaze is fixed on the screen, rapt. Mark never noticed how long his eyelashes are.
Jaemin jostles a bit, readjusting Jeno against him, and Mark is suddenly forced to remember his existence. He glances up at him, and freezes when he realizes Jaemin is looking back at him. They share a moment of eye contact. Jaemin grins at him, and Mark gets a really, really bad feeling.
Jeno has his hoodie up, and Jaemin flips it down gently. He kisses the top of Jeno’s head, and lays the palm of his hand over his throat. His thumb swipes back and forth over Jeno’s jugular in a soothing rhythm, and Mark can see how Jeno sighs into it.
Jaemin makes eye contact again, with his hand on Jeno’s neck and the other boy melting into him like chocolate in the sun, and Mark wants.
He escapes to their bathroom and spends a minute in there mulling over how he absolutely cannot go back into that room and sit through the rest of fucking Fight Club, except he’s Donghyuck’s ride, and he can’t just make him leave without an explanation.
He goes back out and sits on the floor, because he’s just gonna have to get through this, but at least he won’t be on the same couch as them.
Jeno looks at him questioningly, but Mark gives him a weak smile and no explanation.
Jaemin keeps glancing at him, and Mark feels the mounting urge to flip him off. He represses it manfully.
His phone buzzes after five minutes of torture, and Mark checks it instantly; anything to distract himself.
Jaemin
You're really jealous huh
Yr kind of easy ngl
Mark resists the urge to throw his phone across the room and dent the wall of their apartment. Even though Jaemin would deserve to lose his security deposit, Jeno doesn’t.
Mark
Fuck off
Jaemin
No need to be defensive
I get it. He’s a pretty boy
Everyone should look at him like you do
Mark
Don’t do this to me
Jaemin
Why not?
You’re the one whos horny for him, this is yr fault
Mark is aware of that, but the way that Jaemin says it sends a flash of rage through him. Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s Jaemin
Mark
Fine
Since were talking about this
You don’t need to stake your claim on him in front of me
It’s fucking annoying
I’m not gay. I’m not gonna take him or whatever
Jaemin
Of course you think its annoying. Jealous boy
And we both know yr not going to take him
You couldn’t if u tried
Mark
Then why are you doing it??
Jaemin
I like antagonizing you
Half of the pleasure of having nice things is seeing other people drooling over them. Especially straight men in denial
Mark
I am not in denial
You’re the most annoying person I have ever met
Jaemin
And you’re the most fun I’ve had in a while
Mark whips around to glare at Jaemin, who smirks at him. Mark wants to bitchslap him. Jaemin can definitely feel the waves of hostility radiating off of him, because he takes the opportunity of his attention to tilt Jeno’s head up and kiss him, slow and deep. He looks at Mark out of the corner of his eye as he does it. They separate after a moment, and Jeno looks dazed for a second, before frowning slightly.
“I’m watching the movie, Jae.”
“You’re so cute,” Jaemin murmurs. “I couldn’t help it.”
Jeno rolls his eyes, but he smiles.
“You’re the cute one. Now shut up and let me watch.”
Mark can’t be here. He escapes to the bathroom again and splashes his face with approximately three gallons of water. It doesn’t help.
Jaemin
Did u run away to the bathroom to cry
Mark
You make me want to fucking gag
Jaemin
You wish u were gagging lol
Or maybe you want him to gag?
Mark
Fuck off
Can you stop being horny about this for two fucking seconds
Jaemin
The fuck
His typing bubble disappears and reappears rapidly. Mark feels triumphant, like he’s finally landed a blow. He wishes he could see Jaemin’s face right now.
Jaemin
I am not horny over this shit
Mark
Making direct eye contact with me as you kiss your boyfriend says otherwise
Another moment of prolonged typing.
Jaemin
Keep projecting honey
Mark
I’m not projecting
You’re the one who keeps bringing this up
You like that I wanna fuck him
Jaemin
Oh you admit it
Mark
You know what? Yeah
I do
Is that what you wanted to hear?
I think it is. I think that you like that you get to fuck him and I dont
You like that I want to be you
You like that I fantasize about it
Jaemin takes several moments to reply to him.
Jaemin
You fantasize about it?
Mark
I think about how I walked in on you guys
You completely dominated him
He’s stronger and bigger than both of us and you had him bent over like he was your bitch
I want that
So fuckin bad
Mark feels like he’s been rung like a bell. He’s angry at Jaemin, he’s worked up enough that he’s starting to be uncomfortable in his jeans, and the texts he just sent are the first time he’s voiced any of the fucked up thoughts that keep bouncing around in his head. It feels weirdly good.
Mark waits for Jaemin’s reply, but it never comes. Well, fuck him, then. Mark shoves his phone back in his pocket and goes back out to watch the rest of the movie.
Jaemin doesn’t even look at him. Next to him on the couch, Jeno has curled even further against him, and Jaemin’s arm wraps around his shoulder like a display of ownership. Mark doesn’t even want to be in the same room as them right now.
Donghyuck is sitting sideways in the recliner with his legs thrown over the arm. Mark grabs his calf and pulls the V of his legs wider so that he can sink into the chair between them, with his back resting against Donghyuck’s chest.
Donghyuck sputters and complains, but doesn’t stop him. He drapes his arms over Mark’s shoulders, and Mark laces their fingers together. It makes him feel better.
---
Donghyuck is silent for an unnervingly long time as they drive back to campus. It’s only about three minutes, but that’s a lot for him.
“So, you and the happy couple were getting into some shit that whole time, huh?”
Mark’s eye twitches.
“Haha, what? What are you even talking about?”
Donghyuck snorts.
“Don’t act stupid. I have the basic ability to read body language, you know.”
“That wasn’t- It wasn’t anything weird, it was just… Jaemin.”
“Oh...kay.” Donghyuck is silent for a moment, clearly going through his options to most effectively torture Mark. “You want to elaborate?”
“It seriously wasn’t anything, I’m not kidding.” Mark taps his fingers against the steering wheel nervously. “Um. What did it look like, though?”
“Hm. Well, you decided to sit on the floor for some reason, and the tension between you and Jaemin was so thick you could’ve cut a hole in it. And then you guys started really obviously texting each other, and you disappeared into the bathroom and then came out and got all cuddly with me, which you only do when you’re upset. And neither of you laughed at my jokes for, like, the whole time! It was rude as shit.”
“Sorry, man. It’s just… a personal thing. Jaemin likes pissing me off.”
“Don’t we all?”
Mark flips him off, and he has to snatch his hand back as Donghyuck goes to bite his finger.
“Why are you so gross,” Mark whines. Donghyuck cackles. “Um. Do you think Jeno noticed?”
“What, the mountain of tension between you, one of his best friends, and his boyfriend that he’s in one true love with? No, he didn’t notice a thing.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. You’re gonna have to figure your shit out before we hang out next.”
“It’s not even- It’s not my fault! It’s all Jaemin.”
Donghyuck makes an unimpressed noise.
“Somehow I don’t believe you. You’ve always been weird about him.”
Mark can't even deny it. He's never loved Jaemin, viewing him more as an accessory to Jeno than a friend in his own right. He's always irritated Mark in some vague, undefinable way. He never really felt bad about it, because Jaemin so obviously did not care about him or his opinion, either.
"Yeah, well. He's weird about me too."
“If you say so,” Donghyuck hums. Mark turns up the music.