Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sanemi Shinazugawa would consider himself well versed in the art of wooing a woman, though this might prove a challenge even for someone such as himself. 

Though, if he were being honest, he's more famous for his explosive temper than his ability to ask out women, not that it's something that should be advertised. He could ask out anyone he wanted with little to no problem! It's not so hard. Just walk up to the lady, ask her to dinner or a coffee, and should she say yes, it leads to the cozy position of mutual interest. Coffee is the safest bet, too, since it gives a unique insight to a woman's tastes and paves the way for meaningful conversation. That is, after all, what they value the most on a first date. 

Yeah, Sanemi thought he had it all figured out.

At least, until the new biology teacher entered the scene.

For the first time in his life, Sanemi had no idea what to do, let alone what to say, when he first laid eyes upon the woman. Their first meeting was when the math teacher was walking down the west wing hallway, minding his own business, when he saw her walking with a large stack of papers. He was so enchanted that the concept of walking was forgotten and he tripped over himself right in front of her.

Yeah, great first impression that was. He really did a bang-up job at that.

Kanae Kocho - that’s who she introduced herself as when she offered a helping hand despite the load she was carrying, with kind eyes and a wistful smile painted in this pretty pink that to this day he can’t get out of his head. 

“So did you accept her help?”

“Hm?” Sanemi blinks, peeking over the table at Tengen, who watches him with a mischievous glare in his eyes. “Who’s help?”

“Kanae’s,” he answers simply.

“What? No, why? How’d you even hear about that?” 

“C’mon, man. You know it doesn’t take long for rumor to circulate around here. How’d you trip anyways?”

“Shoelace,” Sanemi growls, clearly signaling he doesn’t want to carry on the conversation anymore. This is ridiculous. Why can’t the loudmouth leave him alone about it for even a minute? It happened weeks ago, so who even cares?

“Please,” Tengen scoffs, drumming his fingers on the table, “you tie your laces too neatly to trip over them. I bet you were too stunned to watch where you were going.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Ooooh! Shinazugawa is getting snappy!”

“I’m not!”

“Dude, you might be able to convince everyone else that it was a ‘shoelace,’” he throws in finger quotations, “but I know you better than that.”

“Shut up, Uzui, you don’t know shit about me.” Why can’t he grade in peace? It’s like this everyday - endless harassment about what’s going on either in his personal life or his coworker’s. Somehow, the glittering eyesore managed to hear that he’s been going to therapy for his ‘anger issues,’ whatever that means, and has been only too eager to go blabbing about it to the rest of the faculty. How he found out is beyond Sanemi. It wasn’t something he wanted to become common knowledge, and yet here he is, asked just this morning by Rengoku about how his sessions have been going. “Why are you so hung up on it anyways? It’s none of your business, just like everything else.”

“Are you still mad about the therapy thing? Dude, it’s just therapy, nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, this is about a coworker, which makes it exactly my business.” Tengen nods matter-of-factly, popping his gum loudly just to watch Sanemi’s expression crease in even more frustration. “So why haven’t you asked her out yet?”

“Haven’t thought about it,” Sanemi hisses, aggressively scribbling corrections over Hashibara’s exam. “This problem was literally on one of the homework assignments. How did this brat manage to do it completely wrong?”

An attempt at changing the conversation. A poor one, but hopefully glitter brain catches the bait.

Pop!

Apparently not.

“Stop popping your gum!”

“When are you gonna ask out Kanae?”

“I’m not! Contrary to what you might think, I don’t lie awake at night thinking about her!”

“Uh huh,” the art teacher says flatly, maroon eyes narrowed in on the veins popping along Sanemi’s hairline. “Dunno, man, you’re getting awfully stressed out over this. That’s exactly what a guilty man would do.”

“I’m getting stressed because my students are dumbasses and you keep popping your gum .” Lavender eyes narrow dangerously, nostrils flaring as Sanemi glares daggers at his coworker, hissing, “Stop it.”

Tengen shrugs, flipping his hood on and fixing his hair in the mirror on his desk before rising to his feet. “Fine,” he says simply, taking long, slow steps towards one of the room’s doors, like a feline circling around his prey. Sanemi almost sighs in sweet relief, rubbing his temples as he rolls his eyes. 

“Thank the gods,” he mutters through grinding teeth. 

“...Your funeral.”

Sanemi almost snaps his pen in half, leaving the plastic bent pathetically as he inhales deeply. Deep breaths, deep breaths, just as his shit therapist always says like a broken record. Slowly, he turns around, expression venomous as he grits out, “What?”

The smug smirk that curves Tengen’s lips has Sanemi’s turning into a deeper frown. “You know, if you keep frowning all the time, it’s gonna give you wrinkles.”

“What funeral, Uzui?”

“Oh, I just happened to have had a conversation with Miss. Kocho just this morning,” Tengen purrs, relishing as the pen snaps in his coworker’s strong grip. 

“ So? ”

Painted fingers grasp the door handle, unlatching it with a click that parts through the silence of the room like a knife. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t flirting with her or anything.”

“Can you just get to the point?” 

“Ahh, so you do care.”

“I don’t.”

“So if I asked her if she and I could meet for coffee at her favorite coffee place you wouldn’t care?” Silence. “So you do!”

“Point, Uzui. Now,” Sanemi snarls, hair standing on end like an angry wolf as his expression turns dark and even murderous. 

While the art teacher would love to keep teasing Sanemi more, he’s learned after a few years that this is the point he better start divulging information, or his marvelous coworker is going to chase him down from one end of the building to the other with a ruler in hand. Not that he’s been caught yet, but the determination to enact violence swirling in lavender hues, just taunting him to even try it, makes him think otherwise. He prefers life, thank you very much!

“Chill, chill, dude. You should swing by the art studio sometime to get all that pent up frustration out on a canvas. You know, in a healthy way? I know that’s a foreign concept to you- anyway! I found out what Kanae’s favorite coffee place is, like I said, and I’m willing to wingman for you so you can ask her out.”

“First,” Sanemi holds up one stiff finger, “I don’t need a wingman. I don’t care if it’s an offer, I don’t need a wingman and I never will. I can ask a girl out just fine. Two,” a second stiff finger, “I’m not asking her out. Unlike you, I’m not always thinking about asking women out on dates.”

Tengen blinks, hand still on the door. “Well, how else am I going to get a fourth wife?”

“You don’t need four!”

“Listen, seeing as how I’ve got three wives and you have none, you might need a wingman.”

“I don’t need a wingman!”

“Then prove it,” he smiles smugly, flashing his glamorous smile.

“ Prove it? ”

“Yeah.” Tengen stalks over to the math teacher’s desk, leaning against it suavely as he crosses muscled arms over his chest, eyes slanted in a mischievous manner that matches his shit-eating grin. “Ask her out and prove it to me, Shinazugawa.”

Purple eyes dart between the hip leaning against his desk and Tengen’s maroon hues, disposition deceptively calm, standing his ground firmly - a challenge to keep testing him. Sanemi throws the shattered pen pieces to join the graveyard of pens in his trash bin, pulling a tissue out of its black box to clean the ink off his hand, all as he leans back in his comfy padded chair, swiveling in it slightly, legs spread wide open as he glares up at the tall man before him. He throws the tissue away, too, scowling down at the stain on his skin, but he plucks another pen from the box he keeps on hand, twirling it between his fingers as the staring match drags on.

“I don’t need to prove shit to you,” he says after several beats, “or to anyone else.”

Tengen nods slowly, gaze drifting upwards for a moment before he shrugs nonchalantly. “Fine. That’s fair, I guess. Seems you’re not man enough to try.”

Sanemi shoves to his feet, chair flying out from under him, eyes going dark. “Care to run that by me again?”

“Hmm? Didn’t hear it the first time?” Chuckles rumble in Tengen’s chest as he slowly licks his bottom lip, a catlike grin on his face. “I said,” he whispers, leaning down enough their noses are nearly touching, “that you’re not man enough to try.”

Tension lies thick in the air, prickling with an invisible electricity between the two men, as heavy as the day after a storm. Sanemi’s shoulders are almost at his ears, knuckles white and shaking with the effort of his control. Slowly, he exhales a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, nose still wrinkled in a deep scowl.

“I won’t need a wingman,” he hisses with venom, unclenching his hands. “The name of the shop. Now.”

“So you accept the challenge? Shall we place bets?”

“Don’t you even think of it. I’m already playing your game. Now-”

“The Stinging Bee,” Tengen answers quickly. “It’s a super cute shop. Black and yellow color scheme, hexagon shelves on the walls with a bunch of plants, flowers, even hexagon cubbies that show off the pastries - super cute place. You’ll love it. Oh, she loves the white chocolate macchiato and the almond croissants shaped like bees. And yes, everything’s shaped like bees or butterflies. Super cute.” 

He nods slowly, watching the little shifts and changes in his coworker’s expressions, corners of his lips tugging ever higher as he revels in the frustration oozing from Sanemi’s very core. This will be so fun. Probably not for Sanemi but it will be for him. To watch. Him and everyone else, being Iguro and Rengoku. Oh, yes, he can’t wait to tell Rengoku especially. They’ll spend hours wheezing over tea about it.

“Fine. Just watch me.”

“Oh, I’ll be watching alright!” Tengen laughs jovially, making his way back to the door as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “I look forward to the results! Don’t worry, I won’t be telling everyone about our little game just yet.”

“You won’t be telling anyone shit!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll go get you some relaxing tea. Be right back!”

With that award winning, glowing smile, Tengen waves and slips out of the room, closing the door behind him. The moment his coworker’s heavy steps fade down the hall, every ounce of tension suddenly melts some Sanemi’s body, the man sliding the chair back over so he could flop into it like a husk of the man that once was. He blink up at the ceiling, the luminescent light flickering overhead as if laughing at him too. A long sigh wheezes from his lips, leaving him too drained to finish grading the stack of exams that taunt him from the desk. Purple eyes drift down to the red stain on his skin, but he feels too tired to clean it properly. 

It seems that keeping his temper from exploding during that little encounter took everything out of him. What’s the point of keeping it reigned in and under control if it’s just going to wear him out? He blinks slowly at the ceiling, noticing for the first time that the panels have little gray speckles. 

Honestly, he feels like one of those speckles right now, lost and observing the world around him. What is he going to do? Was he really so stupid as to accept one of Uzui’s challenges? The thought makes him melt deeper into his chair, legs fully extended and spread out, chin tucked into his chest. This sucks. This sucks so massively. 

Wait, what’s he moping for? It’s just asking out a woman.

That makes him instantly snap to attention, his sudden movement causing him to slip and fall out of the chair, limbs flailing as his eyes go wide in shock. A string of curses mutters from his lips, but he doesn’t bother moving from the floor. No, in fact, he’s got a wicked, sinister grin on his face, starfished and staring at the ceiling once more. 

He’s not the stupid one to accept this challenge. Uzui is for issuing it in the first place. It’s just asking out a woman! He’s got this in the bag!

Seriously, how hard could this be?

•´¯`•

The First Attempt ❀

It’s the very next day, the alarm clock blaring in Sanemi’s ear, summoning him from slumber. His eyes snap open and he’s immediately at attention, smashing his fist on the clock’s button and stalking towards his closet for a change of clothes, all in one swift, practiced motion. He hears the familiar chirp of his coffeemaker from his kitchen, the timed device telling his brew is ready for him. Good. He’s going to need all the energy he can get today.

Sanemi is determined. More than determined. He’s even furious! His slacks slipped on with more aggression than usual, buttons of his shirt wrestled between his fingers as he closed it up just halfway, and rolling up his sleeves as he grumbles moodily. Damn that Uzui. The man knows exactly how to get under his skin, though he would never admit it. No, the consequences of the flashy freak finding out would be all too severe. 

There’s a lot of things Sanemi would never admit, many of them having to do with the little flutters in his stomach, which he has managed to convince himself are hunger pains. Naturally all the uneasy twists and flutters are a result of an empty stomach, right? By the time he’s stuffing avocado toast into his mouth, the fluttering still hasn’t gone away, much to his frustration. He hasn’t felt a sensation like it before, which only pisses him off more. It’s weird not understanding what’s happening in his own body. He slams his empty coffee cup on the table, muttering incoherent babble as he fetches his bento he made the night before, and only after grabbing his water bottle does he head out the door.

On the train, he mulls over the possible ways he could approach Kanae. The walking right up to her approach could work, but would that be enough? He could bring her some food, since food always seems to work well. Then again, he’s asking her for coffee, and with Uzui’s “help,” he knows exactly where he’ll ask her to go. A lot of women like a man with a plan, and that includes a place picked out for the first date. He’d hate to admit, too, that Uzui’s managed to set him up for success.

But knowing the muscle brain, there will be another plan set in motion against him so he loses the challenge. Ohhh, he’d love that, wouldn’t he?! The very thought has Sanemi grinding his teeth.

The January air nips at his nose as he exits the train, pulling his green scarf tighter around his neck and adjusting his heavy black coat. Perhaps he should’ve worn a cap? No, only wimps wear caps in this weather. It’s not even snowing. It’s just a little nippy.

Decadent smells pass him by as he walks the path to the school, known all too well to his feet while his mind wanders elsewhere. Bustling people pass him by, knowing well to stay out of the man’s way, given the absolute pissed expression he’s wearing on his scarred face. Right now, Sanemi looks like the last person anyone would want to trifle with. It’s for their own safety. 

The gates of the school come into view, and Sanemi now can’t decide if he’s excited, pissed, or dreading walking in. He’ll ask Kanae out during their lunch break. How will he get her alone? Maybe take her to the coffee maker. No, he can practically guarantee that there will be others crowding around it. So maybe the vending machine? If it’s their lunch hour, then the students might be crowding there too. 

The man could rip out his hair in frustration, faced with nothing but a vast plethora of thoughts. There’s no way around it. He’ll just have to walk up and ask her. Hopefully that works out just as well.

The morning proceeds as usual…sort of. Sanemi could see the cautious glances of students tossed his way, as if they could feel the waves of tension radiating off his body, but it’s probably just as obvious from the glare in his eyes, daring anyone or anything to attempt to interact with him. He could be wearing armor covered in thorns. Any victim that happens to wander too close chances the fury of the infamous math teacher.

Students are hesitant to raise their hand to ask questions, but who could blame them when their teacher is scribbling notes and equations too fast on the board and muttering the lesson under his breath as if an oath of vengeance. And then immediately after, he goes to sit at his desk while the class works on the homework he’s assigned. Of course he’s too distracted to notice the grimaces across the room, not when he’s still plotting his approach. 

Seriously, he’s never been so worked up over asking a girl out before. He doesn’t understand what the big deal is. It’s not like it’ll end up being anything serious.

That thought has all the gears turning in his mind grinding to a halt. Well, it wouldn’t be so bad if it did turn serious, wouldn’t it? His cheeks tickle the faintest pink as his purple gaze turns upwards to the ceiling, taking note of those consistent gray freckles splattered across the panels. A serious something with Kanae. That wouldn’t be bad at all.

If the butterflies were bad before, they’re worse now. That alone adds more pressure on his shoulders. Now, Sanemi is a man built for pressure, prepared for it, born for it, always anticipating it. At least, that’s what he likes to think. The stress and pressure that comes with teaching is nothing compared to this, and neither was the stress from college. Just when he thought he had a good grasp of the way he processes stress, this has to happen, as if the universe itself is mocking him.

That has him balling his fists tightly, scarred knuckles white as he glowers at those gray speckles. So, the universe dares to challenge him as well? He can handle that. It’s not the first time. Not only was this a little petty challenge between him and Uzui, it’s a challenge between him and the forces that be, and now himself as well.

His therapist was right about something. He sure does love making shit hard for himself.

It’s not long before the lunch hour arrives, the bell jolting the teacher out of his thoughts. He casts the pale speaker a pissed glance before grunting his approval for students to file out of his classroom. Soon only the sound of the clock ticking the seconds away is the only thing that fills the space, seeming to echo off the tile floors and the paneled ceiling. The noon sun pours in through the windows, causing Sanemi to squint slightly. Sighing, he reaches into his drawer, pulling out some eye drops to relieve the soreness growing like a welt. 

That’s better. Now he can focus a little more.

It’s time. As much as he’d like to let the clock keep ticking away, he can’t put this off. He’s not the type. Sanemi tackles everything head on. He likes to solve problems before they start, and he likes solving problems in general. It’s probably why he likes math so much. There’s a step-by-step process, and there’s more than one way to solve a problem, but he gets to use whichever method suits him the best. It helps that he knows them all with an intimate understanding of each. 

But with this there is no prepared method, no equation that could bring him to an easy solution. That leaves him with one option: talking to her. Sort of. 

Every step feels heavier than the last as Sanemi traverses the well known halls, heels of his shoes clacking against the tile, the energy he radiates causing the sea of students heading to lunch to part around him like the waters of a creek around a rock. It felt like every second passing took longer than the one before, and yet he managed to find himself standing in front of the break room door before he even realized. How long has he been just standing there? 

As he reaches for the handle, his stomach wrenches up terribly, giving him the urgent sense of seeking out the closest bathroom. Seriously, what is wrong with him? It’s just a woman! Just a coworker! It is literally asking someone to get coffee together . There really shouldn’t be anything simpler than that!

Sanemi turns on his heel, stomping around the nearest corner in his mad search for the restroom. It’s then he pauses in the hallway, nearly empty now as the student populace has settled into their usual lunch routine. Only the occasional giggle from a gaggle of girls echoes down the hall, or the flush of a toilet, faint footsteps….

Was he seriously thinking about wimping out? Did he really just manage to almost convince himself to turn tail and run? Huffing angrily, he rolls his sleeves up, fixing the cuffs to they’re once more nice and neat, then fixes the collar of his shirt, smoothing down the front of his vest. He gives his bangs a light fluff - or at least what he perceives as light, seeing as it was actually a swat - and then turns around. 

The first step is hard, but each one after becomes easier and easier, taking every ounce of control left in his body not to power walk a straight line to the break room. He rounds the corner, almost too pissed to notice the walking stack of papers that reaches his eye level. 

“Excuse me!”

The soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts just in time, skidding to a halt right before power walking (read: angry stomping) through them.

Narrow eyes blink down at the stack, taking note it must be seven reems worth of paper at least of tests to grade. What’s that subject bolded at the top…?

Biology.

Every muscle fiber in Sanemi’s body goes tense, bending forward slightly so he could peek over the stack, met by kind round eyes staring back at him. 

“Shinazugawa!” Kanae smiles, pink lips as soft and curved as her eyes. “How lucky! I was afraid I’d have to open the door myself. My hands are quite occupied. Would you mind opening it for me?”

Awkward silence permeates the air as his throat goes dry, the uncomfortable lack of moisture in his mouth making it hard to formulate sounds. He settles for clearing his throat and nodding before finally managing to grit out, “Erm, yeah.”

He hadn’t noticed how short she was compared to him. She’s so small, she’d probably tuck against him perfectly. In an attempt to keep his thoughts from wandering too far from the present moment, Sanemi takes a brief inhale, the door handle clicking as he slides it open. He politely steps aside, gesturing where she could see for her to follow him through the door, the young biology teacher giving him a thankful smile as she pads in. 

Her hair is so long and shiny, with bangs framing her face perfectly, effectively bringing attention to the perfect symmetry of her face. His eyes can’t help but follow after her. Sanemi blinks once, twice to break himself from his stupor, silently shaming himself for his obvious staring. The last thing he wants is for her to think he’s a creep! He smoothly checks his breath, then the collar of his shirt, winding his way through the room in search of his designated space. It’s clean and organized, just like he left it yesterday. Good. Tengen didn’t mess with anything in an effort to sabotage his mission. 

Speaking of…where is the flashy flounder? 

Doing a quick and totally inconspicuous sweep of the room, he finds there’s no sign of his coworker. There’s no evidence in Tengen’s space of the organized chaos the man prefers when grading, indicating he hasn’t stopped by yet. A small feeling of unease settles in the pit of Sanemi’s stomach as he takes notice of Rengoku’s scarlet eyes occasionally flicking over to his direction, and then immediately after he catches the bi-colored stare of Iguro. Why are they watching him like that, like they’re waiting to see if he does something?

Ahh, he understands now. Uzui must’ve put them up to something. Well, might as well give them a show. 

The heavy plunk of Kanae’s stack grabs his attention, the man cursing silently as he realizes he missed the opportunity to offer to carry them for her. Not all hope is lost, though. 

“My, it sure is quiet today,” Kanae laughs softly, gracefully sitting in her cushioned chair. “Hmm, I see Uzui isn’t here today.”

“He’s present! He’s helping some students with their assignments,” Kyojuro says, nodding in approval. “Taking time from his lunch break to guide students towards success - an excellent mark of a teacher! His students are blessed to study with him!”

“I agree, he’s a wonderful teacher. What is it he always says?” She ponders, stroking her chin as she regards her stack. “Art is a…?”

“Explosion?” Answers Sanemi, pretending to pour over the recently assigned math homework.

“That’s right! Imagine if we approached everything in such a way. The world would be a much brighter place.”

That’s a nice thought, for sure. Replacing the lined papers in their neat stack, Sanemi plucks a red pen from his pencil cup, pushing to his feet and wandering around to the other side of the table. Rengoku and Iguro’s interest instantly pique, watching him as if a pair of cats enchanted by a string of yarn. Thankfully she hasn’t seemed to notice.

“That’s a pretty big stack,” Sanemi says flatly, to which she blinks up at him curiously.

“Mhm, it is.” The way she’s smiling up at him makes his stomach flip uncomfortably all over again. She tilts her head, black bangs swaying with the motion. “It’s this unit’s test. I hope my students have done well!”

Why is this so hard? The conversation has started, just keep asking questions! 

He plops down in the chair beside her to avoid standing over her for an uncomfortable amount of time, lightly tapping the side of the towering stack with his pen. “You just started here this year, right?”

“I did. I enjoy the environment a lot. Everyone is so lively here!” Kanae giggles softly, the sound heavenly on Sanemi’s ears, so much so that he has to wrestle with the slight tingle of his cheeks so they wouldn’t noticeably color. He takes notice of her pristinely manicured French tip nails as her hand moves to cup her cheek, pink eyes skimming over the multiple choice answers of the first packet of papers she plucked off the pile not too long ago. “All the other teachers have been so kind to both my sister and I, and not to mention, the students here are so colorful and lovely. It makes the campus so active and bright, and it’s such a joy to teach this group of children. They soak up information so well. I can tell Kamado has been studying, too! They all work so hard!”

With that, she marks an A+ at the top of the page in pink highlighter, accompanied by a little drawing of a flower. She seems to think for a moment, drawing a smiley face in the center of the flower, a stem, and some leaves, the woman giving it a very pleased smile.

Each of her movements are swift and graceful, all of her expressions serene, the man sitting across from her forced to resist staring. 

“Do you need help going through these?” 

“Hmm? Oh! I couldn’t ask such a thing. I’d hate to be a bother.”

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s a lot to grade.”

The corners of her smile widen into a playful smile, eyes knowing as she claps her hands together in joy. “Then I’d love the help! Here’s the key to the choices.”

“Don’t you need it?”

“I have the answers memorized.”

“Oh. That’s neat.”

Neat? Neat? Who says neat like that? Sanemi’s non-existent brow quirks in irritation as he hears a muffled snicker sound from Iguro’s end of the room. He swipes the packet off the top with an aggressive flick of his wrist, glaring daggers at his coworker, but quickly drops the angry stare the moment Kanae turns to him with that curious gleam in her eyes.

“Well, yes, I suppose it is neat.” Her tone carries a teasing lilt. If Sanemi had dog ears, they’d be twitching at the sound. “I imagine you do something similar for your exams then?”

He licks his lip, drumming his fingers on the table as he compares answers to the answer key, red pen raised like a weapon. “Uhh, sorta.”

“Hmm? Won’t you share?” He nearly jumps out of his skin upon her gentle poke of his arm, a sensation like lightning striking frazzling his nerves. She seems to take notice of his body’s sudden tension, looking between him and her finger. “Did I shock you?”

“Heh?” He grunts, still processing the delightful sensation of her touch, even if it was just a poke.

“Well, sometimes we generate static electricity, don’t we? So I was wondering if that was perhaps the reason you became so stiff.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. It was that.”

A brief silence hangs in the air, soon interrupted by more stifled laughter, causing Sanemi to silently snarl at Iguro as soon as Kanae wasn’t looking. He finishes grading his current task, passing it to her and starting on the next one, watching in hushed amazement as she flies through packet after packet. Well, it doesn’t seem like she really needed any help. At this rate, she’d be done with this massive pile in time for the next class hour. 

He honestly can’t decide if this silence is comfortable or awkward. What does she think? Purple eyes casually glance in her direction, finding the same serene smile on her face, the same unassuming glaze in her pretty eyes. Long black lashes brush the apple of her cheek with every blink, which is just as dainty as the rest of her elegant movements. Even the brisk little flick of her highlighter when marking an answer is elegant, having the slightest flourish. 

Yeah, he could sit here and watch her do anything for hours on end.

Damn, he’s got it bad.

Sanemi swallows a gulp, reminding himself to keep his attention on his packet. Now’s the time. Now’s the perfect time. Ask her for coffee. Come on. Do it, coward. Do it. It’s just coffee.

Yeah, it’s just enjoying steaming cups of warm coffee in a relaxing environment. She’d probably dress super cute, too, like she is now, managing to make even her dark pencil skirt and white button-up blouse look cute. They’d probably talk about their most mundane interests, yet they’d be interests they would love sharing with each other. They could talk about their favorite holidays, why she likes the white chocolate drink, or even how she discovered the place to begin with. And he’d make sure to dress nice as well, something casual but still appropriate. Perhaps a turtle neck? Yeah, he makes those look really good.

A glance at the clock shows how long he’s been alone in his thoughts, a faint sense of alarm gripping his stomach tight and making it flip again. It’s just coffee. It’s just coffee. It’s not like it’s anything serious, even if he’d like it to be serious. 

Sanemi takes a heavy breath, his blood feeling as if it’s gone cold, palms sweaty, his body feeling like it’s several degrees hotter all of a sudden. His lips part as if he wanted to say something, then snap shut, an action that seemed to occur without her knowledge. He does the same thing again, the words so close but stuck in his throat. The pen starts to bend between his fingers as he rests his elbow on the desk, leaning his forehead into his knuckles and drumming his fingers against his temple. He stares blankly down at the question on the paper, mind running circle after circle, contemplating the different ways one would ask someone for coffee. 

What is the powerhouse of the cell?

Makes sense that Hashibara answered incorrectly. The kid hardly pays attention in class, which is a damn shame because he’s really smart.

Off track, he’s gotten off track. He curses silently. It shouldn’t be this hard!

One more breath and his lips part.

“So-”

BOOM!

The room rattles with intense force as what sounds like an explosion thunders above them, the glass shaking in their panes, the door clicking open and slamming shut, and the stack of papers jumping an inch off the desk and plopping back down with a thwap . The four teachers all go tense and rigid, heads slowly turning upwards as the ceiling groans.

“Was that-”

“The art room!”

“Don’t tell me-”

“It was most likely Uzui and his studious pupil!”

It’s not a second later there’s a ticking sound, the sprinkler system whizzing to life and dousing the room in a sheen spray of water. Rengoku bursts into laughter as he reaches for his coat, Iguro grumbles while locking his phone and stuffing it into his pocket, and Kanae squeals, throwing her own jacket over herself in an effort to shield herself from the drizzle. 

“Thank you for your help, Shinazugawa! I’m sorry to have wasted your time, but there’s simply no way we’ll be able to finish now.” Giving him an apologetic smile and a tiny wave, she scurries toward the door. “Oh, this water is freezing!”

And then she’s gone. Sanemi sits in his chair, letting the water pour down and soak him from head to toe, blinking as he tries to replay what just happened in his mind’s eye. He was so close. So close! He had barely started his question when stunningly stupid set off the fire sprinklers. 

What awful luck!

Sanemi was content in his calm failure, at least until he heard another snicker pierce through the air, head whipping toward Iguro with a scowl that could kill. 

“What’s so funny?” He hisses, upper lip twitching. 

“Whatever that was,” the shorter man replies, adjusting his mask as he moves toward the door, Rengoku in tow, who’s hiding under his briefcase to avoid getting more soaked than he already was. 

Oh, no, Sanemi needs answers! The chair flies out from under him as he stomps after the other teachers, following them out into the courtyard, met with some students who were also fleeing the water. 

“Now, wait just a second,” Sanemi barks, catching up with Obanai with little to no problem. “You think that was funny?”

“Yeah, pretty funny.”

“There was nothing funny about that!”

“Woah, no need to yell,” Iguro replies monotonously, pointing an accusing finger. “I’d call your sad attempts at flirting funny as shit.”

“I wasn’t flirting!”

“Don’t worry, Shinazugawa. I thought you were doing a fine job!” Kyojuro beams, wringing water from fiery strands. 

“Thanks,” Sanemi says gruffly, narrow eyes still locked on Obanai. “This isn’t some sort of sick entertainment for you and it’s none of your business. Get your nose out of it, Iguro.”

“I’d say it’s my business of sorts, actually.”

“Yeah? And why’s that?”

The corners of Obanai’s eyes turn, indicating a sly grin hidden behind the mask. “Because I’ve got a bet.”

“...A bet?”

“Yes! Iguro and I have taken bets on the outcome of yours and Uzui’s challenge!”

Sanemi’s eye twitches as he slowly looks over his shoulder at the smiling fiery blonde. “What?”

“I must admit, I wasn’t sure how the purpose of betting on your outcome would be beneficial, but Uzui convinced Iguro and I that it would be motivating for you to learn the sums we’ve bet on your success!”

“Oh, I bet he did.”

“There is no reason to be so angry, Shinazugawa! Though, I do understand. But no worries. I bet $300 on your success!”

“You what?” Sanemi deadpans, blinking incredulously.

“Hmm, yes, there is no doubt in my mind that you will succeed.”

Well, that’s nice. Maybe. Now Sanemi’s fury turns to Obanai, who is scrolling through messages on his phone, not bothering to look him in the eye. “And what about you?”

“Meh. I bet a week’s worth of lunch on you failing.”

“A week’s??”

“A fair bet, I think!”

“Hush. What made you think this was a good idea? What made you so sure you were gonna win?”

Obanai only holds up his phone. “Uzui said I would if I texted him when you were about to ask her out.”

Fury swells inside his chest. Of course. Of course Uzui would pull this sort of thing. He knew that flash brain would think of a way to make him lose! Sanemi grinds his teeth, knuckles white and shaking with barely contained rage. Gruesome thoughts trickle through his mind one at a time, and it’s a particularly brutal one that has him taking deep breaths in the effort to keep himself under control.

Put the anger in a box and throw it into the chasm. Puth the anger in a box and throw it into the chasm. Put the anger in a box and….

“Well,” Sanemi grinds out, his temper considerably more under control, “you tell that ass that his interference doesn’t make it count as a loss. Isn’t this a test of my ability to ask out a girl? How can I ask out the girl if he’s gonna be blowing his classroom up? Wouldn’t he rather me fail naturally instead?”

Obanai only blinks, then peers back down at his phone, thumbs tapping away vigorously before tapping send. Three dots blink in wait of a response, accompanied by a little hissss once a new text bubble pops up. 

“Pfft. Lame. He said fine. He’d rather see you fail miserably by your own doing.”

“That was impressive temper control, Shinazugawa! Your therapy is super effective!”

“Hush, flame brain!”

With that, Sanemi stomps away, still absolutely soaked, leaving wet footprints in his wake. The two teachers merely watch after him, Rengoku all smiles to match Obanai’s bored expression. 

“Well, I think he will do a marvelous job!”

“Meh. We’ll see.”

•´¯`•

The Second Attempt ❀

“Brother, I think this might be a little too much.”

Genya shifts awkwardly on his feet, forehead slightly creased with worry as he watches his brother groan, head thumped against the writing desk. There’s a fresh bin of broken pens and papers littering the space, ink splattering the pages as well as his hands. Sanemi’s working on a brand new pen already, bent slightly in the middle similarly to an eggplant, twirled deftly and tapped against the wood in an irate rhythm. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Sanemi grumbles, eyes narrowed at the freshly crumpled piece of paper.

“Well, you’ve been working on this all weekend.”

“So?”

“So,” Genya huffs slightly, wringing his fingers together, “I’m worried about you. When was the last time you slept?”

“This morning.”

“For two hours.”

“I slept, didn’t I? Bah.” Waving off his brother, Sanemi sits up straight in his chair, using its arms to twist and crack his lower back, breathing a sigh of relief as he turns to crack the other side.

“It’s just…you’re working too hard.”

“I’m working just fine.”

Shoulders tensing up, Genya balls his fists, walking behind Sanemi’s chair stiffly and tugging it, and his brother, away from the desk, sending the man fumbling and waving his arms around.

“Woah, Genya, what’s the big idea?!”

“You need rest!”

“Rest is for the weak!”

“You’ll be too weak to ask out the biology teacher if you keep this up!” 

Sanemi points an accusing finger up at Genya, a tense smile curling his lips. “How do you know about that?”

Genya sighs, padding over to the desk and plucking the crumpled paper, unruffling it and pointing at the top, an exasperated frown as he taps the page. “‘Plan for Asking Out Kocho - Part 15.’”

“I- Well-! HRMPH!” Sanemi crosses his arms over his chest, slumping as far as he could go into the chair. “Do not perceive me!”

“This isn’t how to ask someone out, brother! I thought you knew that. I’ve seen you go on plenty of dates before.”

“I know! That’s why I can’t figure this out!”

“What do you mean?” Genya blinks, hands on his hips. 

“I don’t know!”

“Yes, you do. Talk to me.”

“No!”

“You don’t need to yell.”

“I’m not yelling!” Sanemi takes a deep breath as Genya tenses, gripping the arms of his chair to help himself sit up. “Erm, I was yelling. I’ll try not to.”

“You’re very bad at apologizing.”

“One step at a time,” he growls out, very much trying not to raise his voice. 

“Yeah, I can see that.” Tapping the paper once more, Genya leans back against the desk. “Explain, please.”

“It’s…a plan.”

“Well, I could see that much.”

“To ask…her out.”

“Right. Go on.”

“...”

“I can’t help you if you don’t explain, brother!”

“Fine!” Huffing, he taps his foot, drumming his fingers on the chair arms as he grumbles under his breath. “This is hard!”

“Inside voice, please.”

“I a-! Ugh. Right.” His foot taps faster. “She makes me feel…”

“Uh huh?” Genya’s eyes light up, the young man leaning forward slightly as he nods in encouragement. 

“...Weird.”

“Weird how?”

“Like weird-weird! I can’t explain it!”

“Like you suddenly need to go to the bathroom?”

Sanemi regards his brother warily, licking his lips slowly as his eyes narrow. “Maybe.”

“Do you get super sweaty around her? And you’re not sure what to talk about so you’re worried you’re standing there like an awkward idiot and it’s making you look like a creep?”

“How the hell do you know?”

“Believe it or not, brother, but you’re not the only person who catches feelings for people.”

“Catch feelings?” Sanemi scoffs incredulously. “Please. I’m an adult, not a middle schooler.”

“Ouch,” Genya laughs, tossing the paper aside. “It happens to everyone. It’s totally normal.”

“Why are you acting like the older one here?”

“Because you’re acting my age.”

“Am not!”

“Are, too. You’re literally planning out how to ask her out step-by-step. Why can’t you just talk to her like a normal person?”

“I’ve already said! It’s hard!”

Genya huffs, putting his hands on his hips. “I mean it! You’re only making it harder for yourself! These lists include a bunch of stuff that isn’t even in your control! Brother, I’m worried you’re taking this bet a bit too seriously. Why do you let Tengen get under your skin? Besides, with everything you’re planning, you’ll need at least two of you to get any of it done.”

“Shut up, I know!”

“Why not just ask Tengen for his help?”

Sanemi takes upon the most offended glare, eye twitching. “I will not,” he hisses, dripping in venom. “I don’t need a wingman!”

“Says your dumb pride,” Genya mutters, shoulders slooping. “You can’t do this on your own.”

The eldest brother opens his mouth to refute that, even raising a finger, but it slowly curls down as a dastardly plan forms. With an eerie calm, Sanemi puts down his bent pen, lacing his fingers together as he sits back in his chair, elbows propped up on the arms, much like a dastardly classic spy movie villain, except all he’s missing is the mustache to twirl. 

Genya has every right to look as concerned as he does, forehead creased with worry as he shifts uncomfortably on his feet. “Uhh…brother?”

“Genya…you’re volunteering to make this work.”

~~~

As if he wasn’t worried enough, today is the day of The Plan. He and his younger brother walked onto campus seeming to boast all the confidence in the world, but on the inside, Sanemi was buzzing with nerves. Even though he’s been working towards asking Kanae out all week, the nerves still persist and are a force that he’s beginning to fear he won’t get used to. 

He likes to think that he has all realms of his body conquered, emotions wrestled into submission; he’s logical and calculating, and he doesn’t let emotion influence his emotions. Well, his therapist wouldn’t agree with the statement since he is there for anger management, but he manages that perfectly so he doesn’t understand why everyone else has to be so sensitive. 

Sanemi tells it how it is, and if a person can’t handle the truth, then that’s on them. It’s not his responsibility.

So…The Plan. It’s a very simple plan. It’s a 32 step process to ensure the conditions are just peachy so no wacky interruptions can upset his game. First, Uzui needs to be distracted, and the hallway clear of potential distractions. He’s not messing around today. Everything must be accounted for and a step cannot be missed. 

“I’m counting on you,” Sanemi says gruffly, the time being nearly an hour before lunch. The late morning sun peeks into the windows at an awkward angle, illuminating the hallway with a serene glow, highlighting the minuscule dust particles that float freely down the corridor. The brothers intended to meet at this time, and much to Sanemi’s disapproval, Genya arrived two minutes late, bent over slightly with his hands on his knees catching his breath. “You kept me waiting.”

“Sorry, Mr. Obanai made me wait to go to the bathroom!”

“That guy,” he growls, grinding his teeth. 

“See why all this planning is senseless? You’re only going to end up kicking yourself in the butt. You can’t plan for everything!”

“I’ll just have to add a few more steps-“

“Please don’t,” Genya huffs, rising to his height and putting his hands on his hips. “What we have is fine. I don’t think it needs anymore.”

Sanemi scoffs, taking out a folded bit of paper from his pocket, rough fingers deftly opening it until it folds out completely - three pages taped together with sharpie pen outlining the 32 step process of The Plan, with several sentences scratched out in between. Genya only looks more exasperated as his brother hums, tapping his chin as he ponders. 

“We’re losing time, we can’t make any more modifications. We’re just going to have to stick with what we have.”

Genya’s shoulders slump. That’s what he just said, only without all the panic. “If you say so.”

“I did say so. Now get going! You’re a minute behind!”

Resisting the urge to sigh rather loudly, Genya turns toward the other end of the hall, speed walking away. This whole thing was ridiculous. “I still don’t know why you can’t talk to her like a normal person,” he calls over his shoulder.

“Step seven, dear brother,” Sanemi smirks, aggressively tapping his finger against the page and accidentally making a hole. That’s…fine. It’s still readable.

Genya does sigh this time, though at half the volume he’d really prefer, and before his brother could say a thing about it, he’s already disappeared around the corner. 

The young boy reviews the steps in his head. They must’ve stayed up two extra hours last night to make sure that he had it completely memorized, so remembering step three won‘t be an issue at all. He’s gathered the intel on the teachers and their plans for the day after Sanemi peeked at everyone’s planners during morning prep, and Genya himself can confirm that Kanae is having a splendid day since he always passes her on his way to his first hour. 

By all means, it’s the perfect day to ask a girl out.

The sunshine is warm and kind on the face, and there’s a January breeze outside that could give chills, but is cool to the touch and wakes up the mind during the early hours of the day. A perfect day indeed. 

And it will be if Sanemi has anything to say about it. The massive list is so unnecessary, yet here he is, peeking around corners and sneaking down hallways trying to avoid being seen. It’s honestly a bit of a thrill, almost like he’s a spy! 

That alone makes it worth helping his brother.

After a few 007-esque fantasies, he’s back to work on his morning spy rounds to ensure everything goes according to plan. He signs up for Uzui’s tutoring during lunch hour, has moved Rengoku’s bento box to one of the fridges in the kitchen - narrowly avoiding getting caught by the lunch lady - and of course, goes through Obanai’s desk in search of the key to Kuburamaru’s tank for…reasons.

Lots of work to be done! With the first hour bell ringing, Genya rushes off to his first class, sending his brother a text updating everything he’s managed to do.

Part of the morning chaos was quite hilarious. The students in his science class who have a mortal fear of snakes just about jumped five feet into the air upon seeing their professor’s pale friend slithering across the floor, causing students to go stampeding down the hallway. Genya couldn’t help but try and stifle his laughter, since it was oh so sweet to see their not so kind teacher scrambling to herd everyone back into class.

Which presented the perfect opportunity. Among all the confusion, Genya scooped up Kuburamaru and raced off to the bathrooms, passing the snake off to Tanjiro, who he knows will take wonderful care of it. 

It was a serene moment to watch Obanai scramble about the courtyard with his students while they booped the danger noodle’s snoot.

Needless to say there was once more panic when the teacher returned to his class only to realize his precious snake was nowhere to be seen. That led to step five to be sharply crossed out. Now with Obanai distracted for the duration of the lunch period, there’d be no one in the way of disrupting Sanemi from asking Kanae to coffee. 

The next step was to keep Uzui distracted too, which Genya knew he could handle easily. He loves art! All it takes is getting Uzui talking about his explosive philosophy and then they’ll be golden, easy breezy. Smile wide, Genya entered the art classroom moments after the lunch bell rang, determined to keep his teacher busy to give his brother a fighting chance.

His brother, on the other hand, has been a bundle of nerves the entire day, worse than the first time. It was suffocating, which had him more aggravated than normal, which his students picked up on immediately, doing all they could to fly under his radar. 

Purple eyes regard all the broken pens on his desk with distaste, hands working to clean up the black ink smothered all over his thumb. The ticking of the clock above the classroom door pierces the silence every second as his students keep their heads down and focused on homework. After his first class of the day, Sanemi found he’s nearly incapable of giving a lecture, so made it a free period to work on homework instead and ask for help if it was needed. Which no one has done, but he couldn’t blame them. He keeps snapping his pens, which is a definite red flag not to bother him. 

He sighs gruffly, amused that the small sound causes a wave of students to tense up. Are his anger problems really that bad to make everyone so afraid of him? Usually he’d get all smug over it, since he is a fearsome sight for anyone to look at, but now it’s making him worry. How is he supposed to ask out a woman if he looks scary, tense and pissed?

Now that he thinks about it, he always looks pissed. What if Kanae has picked up on that? What if she decides he’s not her type before even getting to know him?

The thought tugs at his chest a little bit before blossoming an entirely new wave of anxiety. If that’s how she perceives him, then all is already lost. 

Sanemi opens his drawer - which makes his students tense up again - and pulls out his bundled up checklist. The last thing he wanted was a visit by Uzui, or any of the other teachers who have caught wind of their little bet, only for him to find his plan and tease him for even needing one. Talking to this woman is difficult! If the first attempt taught him anything, it’s that casual conversation won’t be easy, so it’s best to come in with a step-by-step plan, just the way he likes it. 

Uzui would certainly make the claim that he needs a wingman and should just admit it. As if! The jerk will have to wait an eternity before he admits something like that.

Besides, he absolutely does not need a wingman.

Unfolding the bundled paper, he smooths it out over his desk, pleased to see that steps one through five have already been crossed out, which would be the morning preparations to ensure everything rides smoothly for the asking out of the woman. Another hole has been added since the one over step seven, being over step five. He crossed it out with so much excitement that he popped another hole through the page with the tip of his pen. 

That pen now sits bent unnaturally in the trash can. 

His eyes now scan over step six, then glance over at the clock, watching every tick of the second-hand with anticipation. It’s so close to the lunch bell now, practically seconds away. Yet with every little jolt towards lunch time, the anxiety and sensation of dread would wind in his stomach, sending it into a chaotic mess. He wants to get away, and still he wants to march his way to the teacher’s lounge. 

His phone buzzes with such an intensity, it spooks him out of his reverie, and causes some of his students to wince. Rolling his eyes, he snatches it off his desk, slumping in his chair as he reads through his messages. Ah, so Genya caught sight of Rengoku searching for his lunch and Obanai is still looking for his snake. Peeking over his phone at the back of his class, he can spot Tanjiro sneaking a little bite of food into his backpack, followed by the white flash of Kuburamaru happily eating. Cute. Sort of.

A second later, the lunch bell rings, his students flooding out of his classroom with a desperate need to get out of there before their teacher pops a blood vessel. He watches them leave silently until left with the company of an empty classroom. Sighing, he adjusts his slacks as he rises to his feet, then his rolled up cuffs, making sure they’re cleanly folded. His phone buzzes with one more message.

I’m in tutoring. Count Uzui as distracted!

Sanemi reaches for a fresh pen, sighing upon finding his cup empty. Opening his drawer, he fishes out a new box, grumbling since he’s out of black ones and only has blue pens left. Finally, he crosses out step six with an angrier scribble than he’d admit, throwing the pen into its cup. 

Step six: distract automatic flash-for-brains.

Smirking sharply, he bundles it up neatly once more, stuffing it into his slacks pocket, heels clicking as he turns to the door, walking down the hall toward the teacher’s lounge with purpose. His walk is brisk but with swagger, his hands casually stuffed in his pockets and shoulders relaxed, perfectly deceptive. His stomach churns uncomfortably, and he’s almost tempted to make a stop in the bathroom near the lounge, but he won’t be indulging in this need he knows is only in his mind. 

Mind over matter. He’s not nervous, not nervous at all. 

There’s another buzz in his pocket, the man huffing as he pauses in his walk, checking his phone. The irked crinkle of his brow softens, a little smile tugging at his lips as he reads the new message, the uneasiness in his stomach untangling itself slightly as he puts his device away.

You can do it, brother. You can do anything.

Hopefully Genya’s right about that. The lounge doors come into view and he takes another deep breath, an attempt to center himself despite the anxiety. 

Step seven: talk to her like a normal person.

Small talk. Lots of small talk. He wrote a list of topics he could bring up while they chat at the bottom of the list, and he has it memorized completely. He’s got little things from the sales at the market to favorite foods. He’s got this in the bag. 

Sanemi stands outside the door, hyping himself up and sliding it open. The sun pours in through the windows as if in joyous welcome of him, and of course illuminates the woman quietly eating her lunch, her eyes closed as she enjoys her food. There’s a muffled sound behind her earbuds, leading him to assume she must be listening to something. Another topic for small talk! He mentally logs that away, taking his seat on the other side of the table.

Kanae sees him take his spot from the corner of her eyes, looking over the supplies dividing them and taking out one of her ear pieces. “Shinazugawa,” she greets, giving him a pleasant smile that has his pulse thrumming like a wild horse, “it’s good to see you.”

“You too,” he grates out, sounding gruffer than intended. His nerves flare up as she tilts her head curiously, mind racing as it seems to have conveniently forgotten all the points of conversation he thought he had memorized. Instead, he pushes out awkwardly, “Uh, where’s everyone?”

Kanae taps her chin thoughtfully, pretty eyes scanning the room. “Hmm, I’m not sure. There’s been quite a bit of chaos today, more so than normal. It’s so lively around here!”

He could almost breathe out a sigh of relief that she’s not curious to find out. “It has been really noisy today.”

“Noise isn’t so bad,” she laughs, covering her mouth as she chews.

His cheeks color slightly at the sight, resting his chin in his palm. “I suppose.”

Kanae straightens up a bit more in an attempt to peek over at his side more, humming curiously. “No lunch today?”

“Lunch?” He blurts, blinking until he realizes he forgot to pack one among all the panic this morning to leave early. “Uhh…I didn’t pack one.”

“Would you like some of mine? I packed too much. I don’t know what I was thinking. There’s no way I’d be able to eat all this food.” She gestures to the extra box, at which Sanemi stares as if it’s turned into an alien.

How did he get so lucky?!

“Although,” she murmurs, dark brows furrowed in concern, “I did hear that Rengoku has misplaced his lunch, so you may need to share with him if he can’t find his.”

Panic bells ring in Sanemi’s mind, immediately whipping out his phone while trying to be as casual about it as possible. There’s no way he’s going to share the extra lunch with anyone else! He sends Genya a quick message to get Rengoku his lunch back, however he does it being up to him. Hopefully it’s inconspicuous. 

“I’d be happy to finish it for you,” he says quickly, setting his phone aside and ignoring its angry buzzing. “Mind if I move over there?”

“Not at all!” She cheers, taking another happy bite of her food and humming from the flavor. “Oh, this is so yummy!”

His mind is racing as he stands, wheeling his chair over to her side of the large table. “What’s for lunch?”

“Oh, erm, chicken katsu and curry! Shinobu and I had extra after dinner last night, so we decided to pack it for today’s lunch.” Taking another bite, she cradles her cheek as she chews. “Mm! So yummy!”

“Did you make it or did Shinobu?” He asks curiously, prying the plastic top off the container. 

“Oh, erm…” Kanae smiles somewhat sheepishly, the sight sending a ping to Sanemi’s chest. “I’m not the best cook, so I’m embarrassed to admit that Shinobu handled the curry and the chicken. All I did was put the rice in the rice cooker. Don’t tell anyone, please?”

Sanemi’s back goes rigidly straight as he briskly inhales, trying not to sound too excited. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“I knew I could trust you!” The woman’s eyes laugh as brightly as she does, the sight warming him significantly. 

Plucking the spare chopsticks, he gets to work immediately. The food was prepared remarkably well, bursting with flavor. He’s surprised to know the younger of the Kocho sisters is the cook between the two, but he enjoys the process of cooking immensely since it’s done step-by-step in precise measurements. There’s nothing more enjoyable to him than preparing something delicious through the process. So it doesn’t bother him at all, because then he could prepare foods for her that could get her to smile like that. All for him.

The thought almost has him smile midbite of some chicken. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to make her smile with his food? He glances at her, listening to her soft sounds of enjoyment. Yes, one day he’s going to make her something delicious. He’s sure of it.

But in order to get there, he must do step seven. 

“So,” he asks after he’s swallowed, “what’s your favorite snack food?”

“Snack food?” She blinks, humming softly in thought. “Oh, I don’t think I could choose just one!”

“No way, me too!” 

Silence. Tense, awkward silence.

“You what?” She blinks, still holding her next piece of chicken up. 

“Heh?” He deadpans, staring at her with that same confused look, nearly copying her exact pose. Before she could repeat what he said back to him, he opens and closes his mouth, then blurts, “I just like so many snacks!”

Kanae nods thoughtfully, licking her lips slowly before taking her bite, her eyes turning to her food. Holy shit. Sanemi couldn’t mentally facepalm enough. Heck, he’d punch himself square in the jaw at this very moment if he could.

No way, me too. No way, me too??? WHAT????

He’s done for. The plan is in shreds. He’s ruined. Sanemi could already imagine it - falling to his knees before Uzui’s feet admitting he couldn’t talk to Kanae like a normal human being at all, that all his bravado was just a lie to cover up how nervous he was, that he doesn’t understand women either. They’re an enigma, purely confusing, not step-by-step the way he likes and they never will be.

At least Genya will make sure his tombstone isn’t lame. 

“Dango!”

“Heh?” Sanemi blinks slowly at Kanae, who seems to have just arrived at a very clear decision.

“Or sometimes corn chips. But I would say I prefer dango the most! They’re not too sweet and the flavors are always subtle yet delicious!”

“Right,” he says slowly, still incredibly confused. 

“Of all your favorites, which would you pick?”

There must be a god after all. He’s saved. By the grace of whoever lives in the sky, he’s saved! He won’t have to admit his shortcomings to Uzui at all! 

Face warming, Sanemi taps the tips of his chopsticks against the edge of the bento box, tossing ideas around his head. “Right, snack. Uhh, I think snack-wise I like matcha flavored Kit-Kats.”

“Ohh? They make those?”

“Mhm. They have different kinds of pie flavors too.”

“I’ll get some on my way home then,” she smiles, very pleased with herself. 

Silence falls on them once more, Sanemi doing his best to chew however someone would think is normal. Was it this easy all along? He doesn’t really have a reason to be nervous, does he? What’s the next step then?

His mind draws a blank. Wait, how could he forget step eight! He wrote step eight! And he was worried Genya would be the one to forget. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieves the folded checklist, setting it casually next to his bento. How is he going to check it without seeming weird? Would it be weird to check a list in front of someone?

He’s just going to have to find out. 

Taking a deep, brave breath, he sets his chopsticks down and unfolds the top portion of the list, skimming over the crossed out steps quickly in search of step eight. 

Step eight: learn some of her interests.

Oh, that should be simple! Better than talking to her like a normal person. 

“What’s that?” 

Immediately tensing, he resists the urge to quickly fold it up and stuff it back in his pocket, but instead folds it up as casually as possible. “Just my grocery list.”

“I see. I should put ours together too.”

“Sirloin is thirty percent off today.”

“Maybe Shinobu would like don tonight?”

Oh, perfect! “What would you like?”

“Well, I would really like to have the don.” Once more, Sanemi is internally facepalming. Not so perfect after all. “Since Shinobu does most of the cooking, I wouldn’t want to ask her to make something that would be too much for her. She usually comes home with so much homework, I feel bad asking her to make dinner too.” Kanae’s shoulders slump slightly, her smile somewhat sad. “As the adult, I should be the one taking care of her, don’t you think?”

Sanemi frowns. He doesn’t like that she looks so melancholy at all. Her smiling face is his favorite. “I don’t think so.”

“Huh?” Looking at him with surprise, Kanae tilts her head. “You don’t?”

“Nah. You’re here and working really hard. So what if you can’t cook. I’m sure you support your sister in all the emotional ways too, so I bet if you asked her if you could make don together tonight, she wouldn’t say no.”

That tender smile curves her lips and her shoulders bounce with a soft laugh. “I like the way you put it. Thank you for talking some sense into me, Shinazugawa.”

Face flushed, he looks away, bending the chopsticks in his grip slightly. “No problem.”

“You’re not as scary as all the students say.”

That has him grinning wolfishly, almost holding back a laugh. “You think so?”

“Mhmm!”

His chest thumps wildly. She doesn’t think he’s scary. There’s a flicker of joy that has his skin prickling, paired with relief. His eyes fall on the bento she gave him, almost all its contents gone. This has been really nice. Even if it's a little awkward. 

“Can I ask you something?” He can see her turning to him from the corner of his eye, cheeks puffed and covering her mouth as she nods. A thousand different ways to ask his question races through his mind, his lips going suddenly dry, his palms sweaty, and in some ways he’s feeling a little itchy. Come on, it’s just a few simple words, he can do it! “Would you-”

Clack!

The door smacks open, revealing fiery hair and an aura of excitement! “I have found it!”

Both Kanae and Sanemi stare with mouths open as none other than Kyojuro comes marching into the lounge, practically glowing as he cradles his massive bento box in his arms. The pair looks at each other, and then the history teacher.

“Where was it?” Kanae asks, having the grace to cover her mouth. 

“Apparently, a student hid it as a prank! But young Shinazugawa was kind enough to show me where it was hidden! I never would’ve thought to check the fridges in the cafeteria. Your brother is very smart, Shinazugawa. You should be very proud!”

Sanemi just blinks incredulously. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“I lost a great deal of time searching for my lunch, so please excuse me if I eat fast!”

“No problem, man.”

“Yes, please make sure to eat!” Kanae turns her attention back to Sanemi as Kyojuro practically dives into his food. “What were you going to ask me, Shinazugawa?”

“Uhh…”

“Delicious!”

“Well…”

“Delicious!”

The chopsticks strain under the pressure of Sanemi’s thumb, his irritation spiking higher and higher with every ‘delicious.’ Of course he should’ve known this would happen. He should’ve known! He told Genya to lead Rengoku to his lunch without realizing this would be the result. But also, if Genya isn’t distracting Uzui then…

“Lunch time!”

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Sanemi’s shoulders tighten as Uzui walks into the room, loud and boasting, closely followed by Obanai, who’s currently babying his snake. 

“Delicious!”

“You found your lunch, Rengoku!”

“I did! Young Shinazugawa helped me!”

“Oh? Did he? So that’s what he left in such a hurry for,” Tengen muses, knowing eyes narrowing in on Sanemi, who tenses up even more under his gaze. “I was wondering what made him leave. Have a good lunch, Shinazugawa? Anything interesting happen?”

“No,” Sanemi growls, snapping the lid shut over his bento and handing it back to Kanae. “Thanks for the food, Kocho. I appreciate it.”

“Food?” Uzui echoes with a joyous curl to his lips. “You two shared food?”

“Oh, no,” Kanae laughs, waving it off. “I had an extra lunch and Shinazugawa didn’t, so I offered it to him.”

“You’re so nice, Kocho,” Uzui laughs brazenly. 

“Delicious!”

“Thanks for giving my buddy a snack.”

“It was no problem!”

“I need some air,” Sanemi mutters tensely, stiffly rising from his chair and stomping outside.

Tengen watches after him with an amused glint in his eyes, shrugging before turning to Kyojuro. “Woah, that’s a monster burger!”

Once out of the room, Sanemi sighs in relief of being out of that room. How did this go so wrong? He didn’t even manage to get through all 32 steps! Only eight. Eight! Only a quarter of what he planned! 

Snap!

Oh, he didn’t realize he was still carrying the chopsticks. He sighs as he throws the splintered bits into a nearby trash can. He let it come to this, he knows that much. Slumping against the wall, he takes a few more breathers. Can he salvage this situation? Is there possibly any way for him to ask her out today?

He didn’t close the door to the lounge all the way, it seems, the sounds of conversation floating through the air and falling on his ears. Peeking curiously, he sees the four currently in the room having delightful conversation with each other…including Kanae. She’s laughing, smiling and enjoying the company, and there’s Uzui talking to her with all the confidence in the world.

No, there’s no way he’ll be able to salvage this today. He’ll have to try again some other time. 

As he walks down the hall back to his classroom, Kanae spots the defeated way he carries himself through the crack in gape in the door, brows furrowed in concern.

•´¯`•

An Attempt to Talk About Feelings ☆

“You entered a bet with a coworker?”

“Don’t make it sound like a bad thing.”

Sanemi sits with his arms crossed, bouncing his leg impatiently as he sits across from his therapist, an older woman with round spectacles. Sitting behind her desk with a sleek pen in hand, her shoulders droop as she sighs.

“Sanemi, you know I’m not here to cast judgment on you. I’m on your side. Do you think it wasn’t the wisest thing to do?”

He sticks out his bottom lip as he sinks into the comfortable cushion chair, rolling his eyes. “So you’re asking if I’m aware it was a stupid thing to do? Yeah, I know it was stupid.”

“Why’d you do it then?”

“I was angry! The guy was saying I was too scared to ask a woman out! But I’m not!”

“It’s okay to be angry.”

“I thought I was here to learn how to not be angry.”

“No, you’re here to learn how to express your anger and process it in a healthy manner. I know I haven’t told you to stop being angry, only to learn from your experiences.” Glancing at her notes, the woman tucks strands of hair behind her ear as she leans back in her chair, taking on a more relaxed pose and folding her hands in her lap. “Why did Uzui’s opinion of you matter so much that you got angry?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then guess. Sometimes that puts us on the correct path of thinking.”

“I dunno, he said that he was gonna ask her out if I didn’t and I didn’t like that, okay?”

“Ah, so you felt threatened by his interference.”

“Of course I did.”

“Why?”

“...”

“Sanemi,” she smiles, leaning forward against her desk slightly, “it’s okay to admit it here. I’m not going to tell a soul.”

“You better not.”

“We’ve been working together for a few weeks now. Have I done or said anything distrustful?”

“No,” he growls stubbornly. Then he sighs, uncrossing his arms and gripping the arms of the chair instead. “I guess I felt like I wouldn’t stand a chance if I was competing with him, y’know? And then he said he’d be my wingman because I obviously need one. But I don’t. So it was just insult to injury.”

She nods slowly, scribbling a few things down before leaning back. “So, you’ve tried twice to ask her out.”

“Yeah. Each time I got interrupted. First time Uzui blew up the art room.”

“Blew up?” She whispers with a confused wrinkle of her nose.

“And then I had Genya-”

“Your younger brother?”

“Yeah. I had Genya help with the second one.”

“Is that so? And what did Genya do?”

“Pretty much tried to help me with the checklist so everything would be perfect.”

“A checklist?”

“Yeah.”

“A mental one?”

“No, I made an actual checklist.”

Her brows raise incredulously, tapping her pen on her pad of paper. “Do you have this checklist?”

He pulls it from his pocket and tosses it to her desk. Graceful fingers unfold it, shock growing on her face by the second upon seeing how long it is. 

“I might’ve gone overboard.”

“Might’ve?” The upper half of the list folds over so she could make eye contact with him. “Sanemi, this is excessively overboard. Did you make this as a result of your anxiety?”

“I dunno, I just needed to get all the steps in my head on paper. I didn’t want anything screwing up asking her but it did anyway.”

“Which I think is a valuable lesson. You can’t plan for everything, Sanemi.” Folding the list up neatly and placing it on the edge of her desk, she smiles. “Life is full of things we can’t predict. To me, it sounds like you would rather turn to your brother for a wingman than Uzui, whom you have quarrels with. Would it really be so terrible to admit to him you might need some help?”

“Uh, yeah it would,” he grunts, narrowing lavender eyes at his therapist, who is unfazed. “It would be like admitting defeat.”

“Isn’t asking this woman out to coffee more important to you than proving Uzui right or wrong?” That earns silence from him. “It looks to me, Sanemi, from an outside perspective, that you don’t need me asking you these questions or pointing out these behaviors in regards to this bet you made with Tengen. You are fully aware of the contradictions and your need for help.”

“I don’t want help.”

“Then why did you ask Genya to help?”

“I wouldn’t call it help,” he says quickly.

“So what was Genya doing that whole day to help you cross out those steps?”

He opens his mouth and immediately shuts it, biting down on his bottom lip as he huffs angrily. “This sucks. You already know the answer.”

“So do you.”

“I don’t want to admit it.”

“None of us ever do. Accepting help and asking for help can be some of the most difficult challenges a person can face, and I think it will be the most difficult for you. I know you wouldn’t have sought out therapy unless forced to do so, and you were forced, and now you’re here.”

“I don’t want to be here,” he grumbles, crossing his arms again.

“Because you think you don’t have anger issues.”

“I don’t.”

“No? You’ve admitted to me, right here in that seat, that some students are genuinely afraid of you, and it isn’t because of how you look. Isn’t that something you want to change? Why did you become a teacher?”

“I…like teaching math. Numbers make sense in ways that people don’t. Besides, there’s always money in being a math teacher.”

“If you enjoy teaching math, don’t you want your students to enjoy learning? I don’t think they’ll learn if you continue to let your temper get the better of you. What would happen if students consistently fail your class after a prolonged period?”

“I…I’d lose my job.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think Kanae would like a dude who’s always angry either,” Sanemi whispers, finding the frayed loose end of a thread on the chair suddenly very interesting. “Women don’t like angry men, do they?”

“You tell me.”

“They don’t. I know they don’t. Dad was always angry and mom didn’t like that.”

She removes her classes and plucks a cleaning cloth from a drawer, rubbing her lenses in circles as she thinks. “Do you like this woman, Sanemi?”

“Yeah.”

“How much?

“A lot, I think.”

“Enough to improve yourself to be a man suitable for her?” She smiles when that earns a nod. “I would say you should take not only her opinion, but the opinions of your coworkers and students into account. Maintaining healthy relationships is hard, and with a temper like yours, unless you put into practice the techniques we practice here in this room, then it will only become harder. Let’s work together. What do you think?”

Sanemi huffs. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask. Let’s talk about Uzui.”

“What about him?”

“What will you do if you try for a third time and don’t manage to ask her? Will you admit defeat?”

“Hell no.”

“Then what’s the plan? It’s the beginning of February, so you’ve been making these attempts for some time now.”

“I’m not asking for his help if that’s what you’re trying to get at.”

“Why not? What’s wrong with his help? He’s already staying out of the way, isn’t he? If he is allowing you to freely ask her out without him planning on doing so either, he would be safe, wouldn’t he?”

“No, because he’ll give me a hard time the entire time.”

“Then tell him that. Communicate. Try telling him that you want his help-”

“ If I want his help, which is a big if.”

“Yes, you’re right. If you want his help, then you need him to be as supportive as possible without the verbal abuse.”

“I’ll try,” he rolls his eyes, finally pulling the thread free.

“That’s all I ask of you, Sanemi.”

•´¯`•

The Third Attempt ❀

Sanemi woke up feeling like less than a million bucks. It was after he got home from therapy a few days ago when he realized it was, in fact, February. Well, what happens in February?

The greatest marketing scam in human history - Valentine’s Day.

Now Sanemi has quite a few words for Valentine’s Day. He knows he’d like to give whoever thought of this holiday a punch in the mouth, because now he feels a whole new level of pressure. He needs a game plan that will get him the win. He’s got this week, and then next week hosts the big day, the day almost every woman bats their eyelashes expecting gifts or expecting the person they’ve had their eyes on to ask them out.

He’s asked himself over the course of the last few days if that should be the plan. Should he ask Kanae for coffee on Valentine’s Day? He came to the conclusion that he shouldn’t, that he would only have worse bouts of anxiety over asking her than he had the first two times he tried asking her out. 

It could be, like, the last option, but it definitely won’t be his first.

Getting ready went quickly and orderly as usual, with a nutritious breakfast for him and his brother as always, and Genya routinely left the house first so he could catch Tanjiro and his friends on the way to school. This left Sanemi alone with his thoughts when he caught the train and during his daily walk to campus.

By all means, it was an ordinary day. No one would have any idea that he’s struggling with asking a girl for coffee.

Well, not just any girl. After mulling over the talk he had with his therapist, Sanemi decided it was well worth the try to practice the anger management techniques he’s paid no mind until now. It revolves around a lot of breathing, a lot of calm, and it has in turn helped with his nerves. 

At least that’s what he thought until this moment. As the school came into view, so did the Kocho sisters, and Kanae was dressed in this cute beige knit sweater and long brown skirt, and it seemed that he completely forgot how to walk. His feet refuse to move. All he could do is only watch, utterly dumbstruck as he hears her laughter ring down the street. The butterfly pins are so cute, too. 

The spell ends once they’re out of sight, and Sanemi fights with himself to regain his composure. Damn, he must’ve looked like a creep to anyone watching. He hopes no one saw that.

He checks his surroundings and sighs in relief upon finding no one. Good, he doesn’t need anyone seeing that he’s caught feelings, at least more people than the ones who already know. Summoning his strength, he marches onto campus, ready to face the day.

It’s safe to say his students have no idea who’s been teaching their class all day. To them, it’s the first lecture they’ve gone through without Sanemi yelling at some poor soul or breaking a thousand pens. No, instead, he lectured calmly and answered questions like a normal human being. 

Word spreads quickly from mouth to mouth about the weird creature that has taken over Mr. Shinazugawa’s body and what a menace it must be.

“I bet it’s a virus,” Zenitsu shakes, keeping an eye out for anyone acting suspicious. “I bet an alien has taken over Mr. Shinazugawa’s body!”

“Oh please,” Genya rolls his eyes, “my brother’s just seeing a therapist.”

“A shrink!” Zenitsu screeches. “The masters of the mind! I bet they brainwashed him into an evil cult or something! He’s out to get us, I know he is!”

“I don’t think it’s weird,” Tanjiro chirps.

“Of course you don’t think it’s weird, you think the best of everybody!”

“It’s good that he does. Otherwise we’d have people making wild accusations like you,” Genya groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “My brother is just very misunderstood.”

“They got to you too!” Teeth chattering, Zenitsu points at the taller boy. “You’ve been brainwashed!”

“So you’d rather see him be angry and scream at everyone all the time?” He snaps back, eyes narrowing. “I thought you of all people would love the change!”

“Change is bad!”

“Tanjiro, please talk some sense into him.”

“I don’t think there’s anything to be worried about, Zenitsu,” Tanjiro smiles cheerfully. “If Mr. Shinazugawa is trying to improve his life and change, I think we should be supportive!”

Zenitsu stops in his path and blinks as he processes the words before tensing up all over again, pointing accusingly. “They got you too, Tanjiro! Nooo!”

“Now, now, no one’s gotten me, or Genya, or anyone. There’s no reason to panic.”

“I see,” Zenitsu says softly, eyes falling to the floor. He sniffs a little and then equips a determined face. “It’s all up to me now.”

“Heh?” Tanjiro blanches, turning to Genya for assistance.

The taller boy sighs, rolling his eyes again. “Okay, I’ll bite. What is up to you now?”

“I cannot share! It’s top secret!” 

With that, he scuttles away, leaving the two very confused boys behind.

“He’s harmless, right?” Genya whispers. Tanjiro nods.

Meanwhile, Zenitsu scours the halls for an individual, the one person who might have something instrumental to his plan to turn Mr. Shinazugawa back to normal. It’s not long before he finds him, walking up to him as casually as possible.

“Gyuutaro, do you know where I could possibly get some hair dye?”

In the teacher’s lounge, Sanemi taps his foot impatiently while the copying machine spits out paper after paper at a pace that he’s not too happy with. This is taking forever. He’s only got so much time before he has to see his period before lunch, which is the one he knows could potentially be the most stressful. It has Tanjiro, who’s a good kid but gets on his nerves in all the wrong ways; there’s Insuke, who is a smart kid but refuses to apply himself to anything, something that pisses him off beyond belief; finally there’s Zenitsu, who screams and cries and yells constantly, and he can’t stand it. It makes his head throb, his temper boil, and he has certainly had yelling matches with the poor kid to get him to stop crying and shut up. 

Hopefully the class goes by with a breeze. He can at least count that Genya won’t be starting any problems. Thank goodness for that.

Finally, the printer stops and he grabs the healthy pile of homework he’ll be assigning. One of his few joys in life is hearing children groan when he hands out homework. The thought even makes him smile, though it’s a dastardly one that has students avoiding him in the halls. Just one more turn and he’ll be just a few paces away from his classroom. 

His eyes turn down to the copies as he rounds the corner. The next few seconds are a blur. There’s a flash of black messy hair, the feeling of something hot and wet on the front of his shirt, and then his ankle locking with someone else’s that sends them both tumbling to the floor. But the last thing he saw was a flash of blue.

Sanemi sits up on his elbows, hissing as he looks down at his shirt, only to find a large brown soaked spot staining the front. He stares at it, utterly stunned, before his feral gaze lifts slowly towards the culprit.

“Tomioka,” he hisses with venom, the other man staring back in shock. 

“I didn’t see you,” he says simply, picking up his spilled cup of coffee and sorting through the scattered pile of math homework. 

“Watch where you’re going!”

“You were looking down.”

“You said you didn’t see me!”

“I didn’t, because you turned the corner too fast.”

“I didn’t!” Sanemi grinds his teeth, aggressively snatching the pile out of Tomioka’s hands. “You’re lucky I’m running late to class!”

“Why?”

“Because otherwise you’d be dead,” he whispers, eye twitching. “Now go before I consider doing it anyways.”

Giyu opens his mouth to speak, but decides against it, taking his leave. It’s better to avoid Shinazugawa’s wrath anyways.

Sanemi curses as he tugs at his vest, soaked through and still warm from the coffee. Great. Just great. He can’t ask out Kanae looking like this. He might turn into a laughingstock looking like this too. Children are relentless. Him managing his calm streak is going to require an act of god.

He angrily stomps the rest of the way towards his classroom, spotting a student power walking down the hall. Growling, he puts his hand on his hip, glaring as the student skids to a halt.

“You’re late,” Sanemi scoffs, wrinkling his nose. Then he squints. “Why are you blonde, Hakuji?”

“It was a dare,” the young boy replies awkwardly. 

“I don’t care. It better be black again by tomorrow, got it?”

“Yes, sir!”

“These kids,” he groans, rubbing his eyes. “Get in class, I’ll forget about it since I’m late too.”

Relief washes over Hakuji’s face as he nodes. “Thank you, sir!”

“Yeah, yeah. Get in.”

Hakuji doesn’t make it very far. The moment he opens the door, a shadow falls over him before a bucket comes tumbling down, washing the young boy in a bath of pink, causing him to shriek and stumble back, giving Sanemi just enough time to step out of the way. 

He blinks down at the child on the floor, sniffing as he leans down. “Hakuji, are you okay?”

“I…I’m pink.”

“I think it’s hair dye. It’ll wash right off your skin. Can’t say much about your hair or your clothes. Just…go home.”

The boy blinks. “Hey, Mr. Shinazugawa?”

“Hm?”

“Think I’d look cool with pink hair?”

“...Don’t even think about it,” he whispers.

“...I’m thinking about it.”

“Go home.”

The boy wordlessly gets to his feet, peeking at himself in a window and smiling. Sanemi yells at him one more time to leave before calling the janitor, then pops his head into his classroom. 

“Okay, who did that?” 

The entire room points at Zenitsu, who’s shaking like a leaf. “I, um, uh-”

“Who was it meant for, ya little punk?” Sanemi seethes. “I don’t think that was meant for poor little Hakuji, was it?”

“Uh, no?” Zenitsu squeaks, eyes going wide in horror. 

Sanemi slams the whole stack of homework on Zenitsu’s desk, eye twitching. “No?” He hisses softly. “No? Heheheh, ohhhh, nonono, Agatsuma. Hell no.”

The yelling match on this day will forever go down in history at Kimetsu Academy. 

~~~

It’s the end of the day, the afternoon sun pouring through the windows like gold. Sanemi rests his head on his desk, groaning. What was with today? It was like everything was going wrong at once. His head throbs, and the ibuprofen in his drawer is looking really good right now. He knows if he opens his eyes, the brightness of dusk is only going to make the throbbing worse, and that’s the last thing he wants.

Well, let’s review. The day started as deceptively normal, with the plans to make another attempt to ask out Kanae, but he never even got his foot in the door. Things started going wrong left and right, leading him to believe he’s just not meant to ask her on a date. He’d love to ask her to be his Valentine too, yet here he is, too bummed out and defeated to even try. It wouldn’t work anyways. Something would go wrong, just like today did.

From making copies, to getting coffee spilled on him, to almost getting his hair dyed pink, things have been going wrong. Not to mention the way he yelled at Agatsuma. 

He’s not going to lie. He feels like crap for that. No wonder he’s been sent to therapy, he really is a menace. 

The thought deals more damage to his self esteem. He’s sure Kanae has heard about it by now too and her perception of him has totally shifted. Just one more conversation, and he could’ve done it. She told him that she didn’t think he was scary, and it meant the world to him. Sanemi sighs. He’s done for.

“I’ve never seen you like this, dude.”

Sanemi sits straight up, then hisses and cradles his head. “Uzui,” he groans, “what are you doing here? Come to gloat?”

“I’m a jerk, not an asshole. You’ve had a rough day. Can I come in?”

“Fine,” Sanemi says flatly, not having the energy to tell the man no. He watches Tengen cross the room, pull up a chair, and plop his hulking body in it on the other side of the desk. 

They sit in silence, Sanemi unsure of what to say.

“Do you want to call the bet off?”

“What?” He scowls, wrinkling his nose. “Think I can’t handle it?”

“Not at all. I just think I shouldn’t have pressured you in the first place.”

Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, he reaches for a pen. “Go on.”

“I treated it like a joke. It was wrong.”

“...Why are you apologizing? This is weird. You don’t apologize.”

“I do if I was wrong. And I was. And I’m sorry.”

“...There really must be a personality virus going around, this isn’t like you at all.”

“I’m being for real!” Tengen pats his chest earnestly. “Listen, I was talking with your brother and he told me how much you really like Kanae. I didn’t think you were that into her, which is why I picked on you. I thought it was like a guy’s thing, but I didn’t expect you to take it so seriously the way you did, even though it’s totally on brand for you. He kind of put me in perspective.”

“Really? Genya did that?”

“You’ve got a great little brother. And then I heard through the grapevine what happened today, and obviously you don’t look so good, so I thought I’d come and have a heart to heart.”

“Really? You’re gonna flip your entire personality in a day for me? I’m honored,” he says sarcastically.

“Nah, I’m not switching up my personality. I’m being straight honest. Let’s be honest, okay?”

“You just want me to admit I’m wrong.”

“Wrong about what?”

“That I don’t need a wingman.”

“Listen, I wanted that at first, but wingmanning is about trust, and you definitely didn’t trust me after I challenged you and then encouraged the dudes to bet on you. So here I am, trying to be honest so you can trust me, because I seriously am rooting for you and I want you to get the girl.”

“Why? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Makes total sense!”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yeah! I see my dude struggling with asking a girl out and I want to help!”

“Okay, I am not struggling!”

“Are you sure about that? What about being honest.”

Sanemi rolls his eyes. “You’re the only one who said something about being honest.”

“Yes, you’re right. I’ll ask then. Sanemi, can you be honest with me since I’m being honest with you?”

He considers the options, thinking about them for a moment before nodding. “Fine. I’m struggling. Feels like whenever I get close, something interrupts me. The first time it was you.”

“My bad. I thought it would be hilarious to mess with you but you had a point when you told the guys that I shouldn’t interfere if it was an honest bet. And I value honesty. So I stopped. I even kept quiet when I figured out you were getting help from Genya and I didn’t let it wound my pride.”

“You knew?”

“‘Course I knew! I may be made of muscle, but I’m not stupid.”

“Tch. And why didn’t you let it ruin your pride then?” Crossing his arms, Sanemi scowls.

“Cos, well, I knew it would probably be easier to ask a brother for help then the guy who was being a jerk so…I understood. So I did some stuff on the side.”

“What stuff?”

“The day we found you two in the lounge and you walked out for ‘some air,’” finger quotes, “I was talking you up to her, telling her you’re a great guy and all that stuff. And I did today when she heard from her sister about your, uh, outburst.”

Unsure. That’s how he feels about this. Sanemi presses his lips into a line as he thinks, several conflicting feelings making him indecisive for the first time in…probably ever. “You did all that for me?” He asks softly, expression still cautious.

“Mhmm! Free of charge,” Uzui grins, wide and toothy as he leans back in his tiny chair. 

He ponders a moment longer. “Alright,” Sanemi nods, “so let’s say I let you be my wingman. Are you going to give me a hard time the whole time? Because I won’t be tolerating that.”

“No, and you have my word, scout’s honor.”

“...You weren’t a scout, Uzui.”

“Ah, right. You have my word, for art is an explosion.”

That sounds about right. Scanning the man opposite him, Sanemi huffs, scowl deepening. “This feels too easy.”

“Sometimes talking it out can be. So what do you say? Do you accept my apology? Will you let me help you?”

Several beats of silence pass.

“Fine.”

•´¯`•

❀ Valentine’s Day ❀

Nerves. Nothing but nerves. It’s the big day. It’s Valentine’s Day.

There were two other attempts within the last week since Tengen became his wingman, but Sanemi passed on any assistance, wanting to try at least a few more times to at least prove to himself he’s capable of doing this without help. 

Well, in the first instance, he tried asking Kanae in the courtyard, striking up casual conversation about her butterfly pins, per Tengen’s recommendation. It was actually a lovely conversation, giving him a lot of insight into her and her sister’s relationship, and of course they talked about what has been dubbed The Outburst that took place last week. He was honest about it being a bad day and nothing felt like it was going right, to which she was exceptionally kind and understanding. 

It was safe to say he was on the verge of falling for her with how she didn’t blame him or think less of him. 

Unfortunately, their conversation was cut short with a basketball to the face, which left a lovely purple bruise that Tengen pointed at and laughed at the moment he saw it. It’s healed, for the most part.

In the second instance, he managed to catch up with her when she was walking to the lounge for lunch, but unfortunately his plans were foiled when they passed a water fountain and the gods chose this exact moment for the spout to fly off and spray him in water. Apparently, Hashibara broke it earlier that day because he got angry with it. 

That kid is going to kill him. 

But now it’s the day, the biggest of days for romance and wooing the one who holds all his affections. He’s played the moment out several times within the last hour alone. Yet he can’t help but feel discouraged. Every time he has tried to ask her for just a damn coffee, something goes wrong and it blows up in his face. There isn’t a rhyme or reason to it either. And he either gets physically abused or gets soaked. 

If the last few weeks haven’t been his day, then today won’t be his day either. 

His feet feel heavier with every step, more so as the school gate comes into view. The reality of his situation weighs on his chest the closer he gets, and the doomed thoughts of going about his days in the future without being able to express his feelings to her grow in the back of his mind like an ugly monster. How could he possibly handle an endless torrent of self bullying from this point on?

Tengen comes into view a second after, his large form as unmistakable as Himejima’s. It’s so odd to feel a sense of relief seeing him there. 

“Sleep well?” Tengen asks with a bright smile.

“I didn’t,” Sanemi admits, slumping slightly.

“Nervous?”

“A ton. I’m beginning to think it just wasn’t meant to be.”

“Oh, don’t be like that. Something will work itself out, I’m sure.”

Eyeing him suspiciously, Sanemi only grunts in response, swinging his messenger back over his shoulder. “I think I just want to get through the day.”

“You will. No matter what, the minutes move forward. It’ll be the end of the day before you know it.” With that, Tengen smacks his bubblegum, crossing his arms behind his head as they enter the familiar halls of Kimetsu Academy.

The walk to his classroom feels like it’s taking forever, the man telling himself that all he has to do is put one foot in front of the other and the end of the day will come before he knows it. He clings to that little thought, that maybe he’ll survive the day. And yet Tengen’s words keep him hopeful.

Something will work itself out.

That’s a dangerous mantra for him to have, he’s sure of that. He needs to keep his eye on the prize, and that’s right there - his classroom door.

Though, because he was so deep in his thoughts, Sanemi failed to notice the whirl of black hair flying around the corner. 

The handle clicks and he opens the door, checking the clock above. How much time does he have? Good, he has enough before the first period. With a heavy sigh, he puts his bag down, sorting through the materials inside until he finds the lesson plans for the week, laying them over his desk and spreading them out. Alright, everything looks fine here except…what is that?

A lavender envelope leans against his pencil cup, something that should’ve immediately caught his attention. He stares at it, unsure what to make of the little envelope. Giving it a little flick, he watches as it flops over, the folded side sealed with a little butterfly sticker.

Wh- A BUTTERFLY??

He grabs it like a man that’s been starving, carefully peeling it open and pulling out the card inside. It’s cute and decorated with all sorts of different colored hearts, sizes big and small, thick and thin. In a big bolded bubbly font, it reads ‘Be my Valentine.’

Holy shit. Is this actually happening?

Sanemi opens the card, met with steadily printed handwriting that’s a work of art itself. His face flushes crimson, closing the card quickly in fear that his chest might burst. He’s never gotten a valentine card before! His entire body warms, his clothing suddenly feeling too tight, and his breathing quickens in anticipation. Be brave, be brave. Read what it says!

Slowly, he opens it.

Shinazugawa, it’s been so fun to get to know you! I was worried you wouldn’t want to talk to a woman like me since we seemed like total opposite personalities, but you’re very genuine and I find that so very cute!

Cute?? He’s never been called that before either!

I hope this brightens your day! I know you haven’t had it easy lately, and while I don’t know what’s going on, know that I’ll be here to support you anytime you need it! I’d love to become great friends!

~ Kanae 💕

Sanemi gently puts the note down, processing the information slowly. Yes, she said friend. But she said she thinks he’s cute and wants to be there to support him. For the first time since the whole bet began, Sanemi feels a surge of confidence, a plan forming in the forefront of his mind, even as students start filling up the empty seats. He reaches for his phone and then hesitates for a moment. No, it’s time. 

He needs his wingman. 

To the surprise of many of his students, Sanemi seems pretty chilled out as the hours pass by, even in his problem class before lunch. In truth, he’s practicing. He’s working so hard, boosted by his bout of confidence and feeling supported by his wingman. This time, The Plan won’t be so convoluted, but is kept simple and easy to follow, flexible for different situations. 

Tengen will distract Kanae after school while Sanemi runs to the coffee shop. He wants her to consider him more than just a friend, more than just a coworker, but as something more, a path with potential. Numerous fantasies played out in his mind throughout the day, until the moment finally came. 

Forgoing his bag, Sanemi rushes through the streets, mindful not to run into pedestrians as he hurries. He’s not sure how much time he has, so he needs to be as quick as possible now so he can be careful on the way back. It would suck to have coffee spilt on himself again . 

He walks crosswalk after crosswalk until finally, her favorite cafe comes into view, the outdoor aesthetic naturally drawing him toward it. Swinging open the glass door, he peers inside only for his heart to drop. No way, of course there had to be a line of customers trying to get their limited edition Valentine’s oatmilk latte when it inconveniences him the most. 

Just get in line and bear it, he tells himself. Impatiently tapping his foot as he waits. It’s a steady shuffle as coffee is ordered and sold, and yet it still takes longer than he would like. At the point he’ll be ordering next in a matter of moments, Sanemi feels in his pocket for his wallet.

Except it’s not there. Why isn’t it there? 

He checks his other pocket, only for it to be missing from there too.

…It’s in his bag. In a rush, Sanemi pulls out his phone, cheeks heated from his blunder, waiting for an app to load so he could pay with his phone. This isn’t his favorite method, but it’s worth it for times such as these. Why his data has to be so slow right now is beyond him, the app taking its sweet time loading just about anything.

“Uhh, can I help you?” The barista asks monotonously.

“Yeah, just give my phone a sec, I need my mobile wallet to load.”

“Hopefully it’s soon since there’s a really long line behind you.”

Sanemi growls, glaring at the young man across the counter. “If you’re implying I’ll have to step out of line after waiting thirteen minutes while you all make the coffee as slowly as possible, you’re mistaken.”

“Woah, bro, no need to be angry.”

“First of all, I’m not your bro. Second of all, I’m not angry, just annoyed that everything seems to be against me bringing a girl coffee. So come on, I’m trying to be as patient as I can.”

“Got it, dude, sorry,” the barista mumbles, tapping his fingers on the counter while they wait. “You like this girl?”

“Yeah, and I’ve been trying to ask her out for two weeks and everything you can imagine has interrupted me. I need to get back with those coffees soon.”

“Well, just order and maybe by the time they’re done, your phone will be ready. No harm in it.”

Sanemi breathes out slowly, glancing at the chalkboard menu. “Sorry I was being an ass over coffee, but it feels like the most important cups of coffee I’ll ever order. I’ll have a straight black coffee, medium, and a medium white chocolate macchiato.”

“That one’s my favorite too. I’ll have those ready in a minute.”

Sanemi huffs as he watches the loading circle continue in its infinite pattern, going round and round, at least until the error message pops up. No signal! He has four bars! What does it mean no signal!

“This thing’s useless,” he growls, swiping to reload, but met with the error message a second later. “What is wrong with it? Why does this always happen? All I want is coffee!”

The barista sets down to hot cups of coffee, pressing the lids into place and a sticker over the holes before sliding them into cardboard sleeves. “That’ll be $12.65.”

Sanemi’s shoulders slump. “No way. It won’t load.”

“That…sucks. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for wasting your time.” What a massive waste of time to begin with. How could he forget his wallet? Why of all days, of all moments, did his phone decide it doesn’t know how to connect to the internet?

How is this fair? What did he do to deserve this? Is this the universe punishing him for being chronically angry?

The bell rings as he opens the door, met with the cool February air and the warm February sun, slightly obscured by the clouds floating across the sky. He didn’t bring a scarf either. In his hurry, he forgot everything he needed. Sighing defeatedly, he begins his shameful journey back to campus. Uzui isn’t going to ever let him live this down.

“Sir!”

Perking up, Sanemi looks over his shoulder to see the barista fast walking down the sidewalk with the coffees in hand, causing his jaw to drop in disbelief.

“What is this?” 

“Your coffees,” the man pants, holding them out.

“But…how? Why?”

“The old lady behind you felt sorry for you, so bought the coffees so you could ask out your girl. Honestly, I was going to do it if she wasn’t. I’d be a jerk to a barista too if things weren’t working out well for me, especially a guy like me.”

“Listen, man, you didn’t deserve tha-“

“I sorta did. I wasn’t being particularly respectful either, and your apology seemed pretty genuine so, uh, here. You better get going, you don’t want to be late!”

The coffees are pushed into Sanemi’s hands, his mouth still opening and closing as he watches the barista rush back to work. Rush. Right, yes, he’s supposed to be power walking through town. 

Sanemi becomes a man on a mission, and no force on planet Earth could veer him off his course. His thighs burn and his breath is ragged by the time the school is in view, and his calves throb furiously. But he still doesn’t stop, lengthening his stride and quickening his pace. Once he reaches the gate, he takes a moment to catch his breath, sucking air selfishly. He doesn’t want to be gasping when asking Kanae out, not does he?

“Uzui, I need to go home. Shinobu’s waiting for me. I’m sorry, I just can’t wait any longer.”

“Wait, just a few more minutes! Please?”

Well, seems like he doesn’t get a choice because he’s out of time. Steeling his nerves, Sanemi takes a step past the gates. This is the moment, this is the opportunity. Don’t mess this up, Sanemi Shinazugawa.

Kanae comes into sight, her back towards him as she speaks to Tengen, who spots him and smiles, pointing so she could shift her attention. The moment her eyes land on him, she only blinks, cheeks tickled a faint pink. 

“Shinazugawa?”

“Please, just call me Sanemi.”

“I’ll let you two kids do your thing,” Tengen grins, patting Sanemi on the shoulder as he exits. “Don’t have too much fun.”

“What is he talking about?” She asks softly, gaze flicking between him and the coffees.

“I, uh, got your note this morning.”

“Oh! Did you like it?”

“I did.”

“Good, that makes me glad!” She smiles, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. 

“I didn’t write anything on a fancy card, but I have some things to say too.”

Kanae tilts her head, resting her finger on her chin as she peers up at him, taking a step closer. “What would that be, Sanemi?”

“I, um- Well-!” Damn, he was doing so good until now! He shuts his mouth, opting to offer her the coffee. 

She takes it into her delicate hands, peeling the sticker off and bringing it up to her nose to sniff. “White chocolate macchiato? This is my favorite, how did you know? And this coffee comes from just one place-“

“The Stinging Bee,” Sanemi finishes, large fingers awkwardly trying to take the sticker off his drink. The woman softly laughs, reaching to do it for him. “Uh, thanks. Tengen told me what your favorite order is. I, uh…” Swallowing thickly, Sanemi takes her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze as he summons the courage to look her in the eyes. “I’d like to take you and get coffee together some time, if that’s okay with you?”

“I- Sanemi,” she whispers fondly, her smile growing wider.

“I don’t want to be just friends. I know I’m an angry dude and really rough around the edges, but I like to think of myself as a good guy deep down, and I’d really like to be good to you. So, would you like to go? With me? For coffee?”

Kanae takes a slow sip of her drink, sighing blissfully as her cheeks flush. “I never thought I’d get to see you so red, Sanemi.”

“Wh- I’m red? For real? That’s embarrassing…”

“No, I think it’s really cute!” She takes another step closer into his personal space, her smile wide and joyful. “I’d like to see it more this Saturday at 10AM. I’ll meet you there, okay?”

If he was red before, he’s seven shades darker now, stretching down his neck as he nods like a bobble head that was flicked too hard. “Yeah,” he strains out, trying everything in his power not to squeeze his coffee so hard it would burst from the lid. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Great!” Standing on the tips of her toes, Kanae kisses the faded bruise on Sanemi’s cheek, very pleased to see an imprint of her lip gloss left behind to match his ever reddening face. “I already can’t wait, Sanemi.”

The way his name sounds on her tongue has him shivering in excitement, watching her figure as she walks toward the gate. “Uh- I can’t wait either!”

Her eyes glint as she gives him one last look before turning the corner, knowing smile curling ever higher. He’s shortly left in the courtyard by himself, with nothing but the gentle breeze to keep him company.

There really is a god. He just asked her out. He just asked her out! And she said yes! Sanemi cackles victoriously, followed by whooping as Tengen runs in and scoops him up and onto his shoulders, mindful of the coffee. They walk into the school cheering, Sanemi feeling like the king of the world, high as a kite on joy. 

He did it. He really did it!

After retrieving his bag, he tells Tengen all about his adventure, but mostly how thankful he was for the older woman who bought the coffees for him out of her own kindness, and in turn he got to hear all about the lengths his wingman went to keep Kanae at the school, from searching the art class for earrings one of his wives gave him to hiding her phone in obscene places that only he would be able to reach.

Well, it was certainly an eventful, victorious day. Sanemi lays in bed, anxious for the next day to come and go already so he’d be another day closer to getting coffee with Kanae, who he looks forward to getting to know more than anything.

❀ The End ❀

•´¯`•