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Steve honestly thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Sure, he and Eddie had history– they all did!!-- but Steve really didn't think anyone would bat an eye if he brought a date. It had been years, so many years, since he and Eddie had dated. Years since they'd spoken. Years since Steve's dad had caught them together and threatened to ruin Eddie's burgeoning music career if Steve didn't stop this 'queer shit.' Years since Steve had covered his black eye with his moms makeup and a pair of sunglasses to say goodbye to Eddie. Years since Eddie had moved away to focus on his music and Steve had started all over. There was enough water under the bridge.
Nancy gave him a weird look when he walked into the club with Cindy and that was his first clue that maybe this was a bad idea. He'd avoided seeing Eddie's band as long as he could but this show was a small one in Indy where he and Robin both lived. Obviously Robin had been excited to go and Steve couldn't pretend to be too busy. Nancy and Jonathan had flown in that afternoon and it was like having the whole gang together again. Or it would have been if Cindy wasn't in the middle.
"So you know someone in the band?" She asked curiously.
Nancy shared a look with Robin that made anxiety swirl in Steve's stomach.
"Yeah, we went to school with the lead singer. He's a close friend," Nancy answered.
"That's really cool! I don't know anyone famous."
It was excruciating. Steve shouldn't have brought her. They'd only been on a few very casual dates. She didn't know how close they all were. She didn't know Eddie was his ex.
"He's just Eddie to us," Robin said.
"I'm gonna go buy a round," Steve announced.
Robin followed him to the bar. He was grateful they were so codependent because he was already debating running from the bar and never looking back.
"I shouldn't have come."
"You shouldn't have brought a date. What were you thinking, Steve?"
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.
"We've been broken up for years, Robs. It shouldn't matter if I brought a date."
"It matters because you obviously brought her as a shield. First off, she deserves better than that. Second, it's been years but it obviously still affects you."
"I'm fine. Let's get drinks."
Steve ordered a tray of drinks and carried them back to the table just as the lights went down. The bar was full of fans but they mostly clustered around the stage. The table where they were sitting was just off to the side enough that they had breathing room. He passed out drinks but any other conversation was cut off by a loud guitar riff.
Steve wasn't prepared for Eddie on stage. His hair was longer and wild around his shoulders. His shirt was sheer enough that Steve could see the dark splotches of his tattoos underneath it and his jeans were painted on. He was beautiful and everything Steve had missed. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out to grip Robin's hand tightly.
"Hello Indianapolis. It's great to see you all again. We're Corroded Coffin and tonight is a little different from our normal shows. We missed playing smaller venues and we figured home was a good place to reconnect to our fans," Eddie said into the microphone.
The fans in front of the stage screamed and jumped around. It looked brutal up there but Steve only had eyes for Eddie. Time didn't feel real. Eddie launched into a song with loud guitar licks and drums that pounded through Steve's chest. He recognized some of the songs– he had been around when Eddie wrote some of their earlier work– but mostly Steve watched. He watched Eddie move around the stage. Watched him engage with fans. Nothing else in the bar mattered.
"I'm going to go to the restroom," Cindy shouted in his ear.
He'd only been able to nod. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the stage. The rest of the set was a blur. He dimly registered Cindy coming back to the table with a new drink but only Eddie mattered. It was painful in a way that Steve honestly didn't expect. He'd spent so long avoiding this moment that he'd convinced himself that he'd moved on. Really, he'd buried his hurt until he was so used to the ache that he didn't notice it daily.
"Alright, you guys have been a great audience. I have one more song but it's not our normal scene… but someone is here tonight and I want to dedicate this one to them."
Eddie started the song, a picking, plucking melody until the rest of the band came in.
"Fuck. He's singing Melissa Ethridge," Robin said, anxiously looking at Steve.
Steve looked around the table and found all of his friends staring at him. Even Cindy, who had no idea why, was looking at him curiously.
"Please baby can't you see my minds a burning hell…"
Of course Steve recognized the song. He lived with a lesbian and Robin had played the album on repeat since it came out. The gravelly vocals fit perfectly with Eddie's voice and the words pierced straight through Steve.
"I'm the only one who'll walk across the fire for you and I'm the only one who'll drown in my desire for you. It's only fear that makes you run, the demons that you're hiding from. When all your promises are gone, I'm the only one."
Steve felt like Eddie could see straight through the darkened bar to where he was standing. He turned his body so he was singing the song in their direction. Nancy moved behind Steve and put a gentle hand on his shoulder while Robin gripped his arm tight enough to bruise. Even Cindy realized something was wrong and she took Steve's hand gently, but Steve couldn't feel any of it. He was numb, viewing it all from outside of his body. It was too much and as the song came to an end, Steve turned away from the table and walked out the door.
The air outside was bracing, cold enough that it brought Steve back to his body. He sat on the curb and ran shaking hands through his hair. He felt someone sit beside him and he wasn't surprised when he saw it was Robin.
"You never told me about your breakup. You tell me everything--every disgusting detail of your dates– but you never told me about your breakup with Eddie. At first, I thought he must have done something awful but I asked him about it. He said you came to him and told him that you didn't think it'd work out, wished him luck and left." Robin paused, her eyes tracing every contour of Steve's face. "Then I thought maybe you had some latent homophobic freakout since you've never dated any other guys but you've never treated me any differently."
Steve sighed heavily and shrank down until he was hunched over his legs.
"My dad saw us. They came home and I didn't know it. After Eddie left, my dad was furious. He was… drunk… and he punched me. Told me that if I didn't "cut out this queer shit," he would ruin Eddie. He heard us talking about Eddie's appointment with the record label and he said he had the connections to ruin him. So I… I let him leave. I told myself it didn't matter, we'd only dated for less than a year."
"Jesus Christ, Steve. You could have told us. Any of us!"
"I was embarrassed. My dad fucking attacked me Robin and I… didn't fight back. I just did what he told me because Eddie deserved a record deal. He deserved better than me anyway."
"Steve…"
"No, Robin, I'm serious. I've spent years shoving all of this into a fucking box and I thought I had it. I thought I had it under control and then the second I see him– it all popped out like a jack-in-the-box."
There was the sound of a lighter flicking behind them then a deep inhale.
"I really wish you'd asked me if I wanted you or a record deal, Stevie."
Robin got to her feet and dusted off her pants.
"I'm going to order Cindy a taxi," she whispered then she was gone.
Eddie sat down on the curb beside him close enough that Steve could smell cologne and cigarettes.
"You sounded great," Steve murmured.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
It sounded so simple now. If Steve had told Eddie the truth, would they still be together? Would Corroded Coffin be successful? There was no way to know if John Harrington would have actually ruined Eddie's chance to get out of the trailer park but Steve couldn't take that away from him.
"After everything you went through… you deserved to get out of Hawkins."
Eddie grabbed Steve by his shoulders and turned him to face him. Eddie was even more beautiful up close and Steve felt his heart flutter in his chest.
"I wanted you to come with me. You spent years protecting that hell-hole and you deserved to get out too."
"Eddie, my dad had connections everywhere–"
"I don’t give a fuck about his connections. If any label turned us down because of him then I don't want to be on that label anyway! All I wanted was you! I don't care about my career or the band or the money– I want you!"
Warmth bloomed in Steve's chest.
"You want me? Even now?"
"Baby, I want you now and forever. I missed you, Stevie."
Steve took a deep, shuddering breath.
"I'm sorry. I was so afraid you'd end up resenting me because I ruined your dream."
"Listen to me, ok? Music has been my dream for years and I love it. But it has been so lonely. No one I've met holds a candle to you, sweetheart. I'm not going to say that everything is ok because it's not– you really hurt me." Eddie gripped Steve's jaw, forcing Steve to maintain eye contact. "But I know you hurt yourself too."
"I was just so… afraid," Steve admitted quietly.
"I know, baby. I'm going to kill your dad– I hope you understand that."
Steve laughed wetly.
"I haven't seen him in forever. I wouldn't even know where to find him."
"Well, killing him is number two on my list anyway."
Steve looked up at Eddie hopefully.
"What's number one?"
Eddie cupped Steve's face in his hands and gently ran his thumbs across his cheekbones. Finally, he pressed their lips together. It was a gentle kiss, full of longing and hurt but also full of hope. Steve fisted his hands in Eddie's sheer shirt and held onto him with all his strength as Eddie kissed him over and over.
"I'm so sorry Eddie," Steve murmured between kisses.
"I know, baby. I'm sorry too, I could have talked to you. I was just so hurt that I ran– that's kind of my MO," Eddie whispered back.
Steve kissed him harder. He didn't want Eddie to feel like it was his fault.
"Ok boys, as sweet as this is– you need to move it somewhere else. Nancy is ready to shoot anyone who so much as looks at you guys," Robin announced.
Steve pulled back and looked up at his best friend. He suddenly remembered they were in public in front of a bar in Indianapolis.
"Thanks Buckley. I'll take him with me," Eddie said.
Robin nodded and grinned at them.
"Be safe, don't do anything I wouldn't do." Robin turned to walk back to their friends then suddenly spun back to them. "Oh, Cindy was really sweet when I called her a cab. She said that if you want to be friends, she'd really like that."
Steve stared at Robin for a moment. He thought about how the whole night, he'd been so absorbed in his own pain that he'd ignored Cindy but she'd still tried to hold his hand when he was upset. Robin was right– she did deserve better.
"Thanks, Rob."
They waved goodbye to their friends then Eddie led Steve to the back of the bar where his own car was waiting.
"Come on, baby, let's get out of here."
The stereo burst the life the second Eddie turned the car on but he smacked the button to silence it. He stayed quiet as he backed out of his parking space but turned wicked eyes to Steve once they were on the road.
"You got lucky with the song choice," he said with a smirk.
"I'm not sure lucky is the word I'd use. Felt like you were dragging my heart through glass."
"I almost did You Oughta Know. Honestly, I have a whole catalog of angry female breakup songs that I could have picked from," Eddie laughed.
Steve chuckled quietly. He reached across the center console and linked his fingers with Eddie's.
"Maybe you can learn a catalog of happy love songs now."
Eddie squeezed his hand tight.
"Yeah, I think I can do that."