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Edward Teach was dead.
Blackbeard had made sure of it.
The Kraken had helped.
As had so many others along the way.
And while Blackbeard had been able to hear Edward’s nails scratching at the coffin in his chest, after a couple of years it got easier to ignore. He had killed Edward himself, now he had to suffer the consequences. Even if it meant killing him again and again, every day he woke up and every waking moment after. Ever since the Kraken had been born, there had been no space left for Edward.
Weak little Edward.
And it had been fine. For the longest time, it had been perfectly fine. Blackbeard was feared among pirates, and the Kraken was feared by everyone. Even though the latter rarely came close to the surface of Blackbeard’s mind.
It was easy being Blackbeard.
Definitely easier than being Edward.
Until it got too easy.
Until the routine set in.
Until the routine was scratching at his skull all while Edward tried to claw his way back to life.
When Blackbeard had been contemplating something to help with the ache, albeit a permanent solution, a new, sudden, thrilling feeling made itself known.
“He bested you? In a sword fight?”
Blackbeard could hear Izzy grind his teeth from the other end of the quarters. “Yes.” Blackbeard huffed.
The new feeling had the name of Stede Bonnet.
So when he finally managed to locate the gentleman pirate he couldn’t wait to make his acquaintances.
Izzy be damned.
And for the first time in years, Edward had been allowed out of the coffin, wasn't condemned to die with every breath he took.
His head wasn’t being torn, his self wasn’t on fire.
He was just Ed.
Just Stede’s Ed.
And he would have remained that until the end of times.
If Stede hadn’t done the same thing countless others had done: help Blackbeard bury Edward.
“Edward you can’t-“
His hand wrapped around Izzy’s throat quicker than a viper.
“Don’t. Say his name.” Izzy’s expression read confusion but Blackbeard didn’t care. “That bastard is dead and so help me hell he will stay dead.” He could hear himself growl, and felt his hands act out of his control. He squeezed tighter, the Kraken rearing its ugly head. If he killed Izzy, would it be easier? Would the Kraken retreat again?
It had been a long time since Izzy had shown fear in his eyes, never since he had been around Blackbeard. And never because of Blackbeard. Knowing that it had been him who put that fear in him, or the Kraken, his body and whichever part of his mind were in control.
It felt exhilarating.
“Next time you’ll say his name I’ll cut your fucking tongue out.” He pushed Izzy away with enough force to make his first mate fall to the ground, cane clattering aside.
“Tell the crew the same. Don’t bother me again until we are at the fucking port.” Izzy nodded from his place to Blackbeard’s feet. He coughed and gasped as he scrambled to leave his captain’s quarters.
“You know. You don’t have to be a bitch about it.” Lucius' ghost danced in Blackbeard’s periphery, and had been taunting him for weeks.
The boy’s skin was dead white and covered in shells, while his eyes were milky and lifeless. Only other thing he’d seen looking like this were corpses hitting his ship after days in water. Just like Lucius would have if he hadn’t abandoned the corpse.
“If I don’t get to be a fucking bitch about it what else do I have left?” Blackbeard leaned his head back, once again throwing his knife towards Lucius’ ghost. The latter sighed. “You could pull yourself together and own up to your mistakes.” Blackbeard laughed and went to take a swig from the bottle in the corner of his quarter. “And what would that help huh?” It was hard to make out with the white of his eyes and the white of his pupils blending into one, but Lucius rolled his eyes at him. “Maybe would make it easier to live with it?” He said as if it was obvious, but Blackbeard couldn’t help and laugh. “Live with it? Dear boy, why would I want to live with it?” Confusion ran over his opponent's face. Blackbeard was tired. Nobody understood him.
Not like St-.
Nobody understood him.
He took another deep swig from the alcohol, which was burning its way through his throat and into his stomach.
“Why would I want to live with anything?” He mumbled but didn’t receive any answer.
Lucius' ghost had fucked off again.
Always did.
Just like anyone else.
Not even the dead wanted to be around Blackbeard these days. Hell, Blackbeard didn’t want to be around Blackbeard.
He’d been thinking a lot about dying lately.
That urge that had nestled right next to Edwards's coffin in his chest had returned so much stronger than ever, but he wouldn’t let St- him win.
He was fucking Blackbeard. He was the godforsaken Kraken. He wouldn’t let some fancy boy break him.
Only he got to break himself.
Blackbeard walking amongst the people of…whatever shithole he was in, seemed to have people talk.
‘Good’ he told himself.
Let them fear him.
He was too tired.
“Isn’t that…didn’t Stede sail with him?” One whisper out of a hundred cut into his flesh. Through the noise of the port, he had been surprised that he had made out that one sentence, then again, it was that name, that man, that feeling that had been louder than any sound.
“Bonnet? Yeah.” Emotions bubbled under Blackbeard’s skin, scorching him from the inside.
Too much too much toomuchtoomuch .
He knew he was about to snap. And he dared any fool to cut the rope and unleash the Kraken.
He had stopped dead in his track, his eyes tracking up towards the group of people that had been chattering.
He dared them to cut him lose.
To say that cursed name one more time.
What kinda shithole had he landed in that they knew HIS name.
The group of people snapped their mouths shut, fear creeping into their eyes, as he slowly stalked into their direction.
Blackbeard knew he had to look like a madman.
He felt like one.
Felt like his eyes were about to pop out of his boiling skin.
“What’s that name to you?” His voice spoke gravely and before he could control himself. He indulged how everyone stood straighter at him addressing them. But nobody dared to speak. He took another, slow step in their direction, enjoying how they flinched. Finally one of them, a young man, spoke up. “Stede Bonnet?” Blackbeard nods and grunts, his darkened eyes zoning in on him. “He died. A couple of weeks ago. A tragic accident.”
Blackbeard had been sure that weak little Edward Teach had been dead and buried in the coffin in his chest. However, against all odds, he roared to life.
“Dead? Stede Bonnet?” He repeated dumbfounded, all intimidation techniques forgotten, his skin falling from boiling hot to ice cold.
Dead?
Dead?
DEAD?
The man nodded, seemingly relaxing at the evident shock on Blackbeard’s face.
“Yeah he died the most fantastical death I have ever heard of, all the sailors have been talking about it.” So everyone knew.
Stede Bonnet was dead.
The Kraken roared to life, wanting to kill the man opposite him, rip the throat out that dared to speak such horrible words. But as much as the Kraken fought for control, Edward was weeping, the fucking emotions overwhelming him.
And Blackbeard? He stood in the middle of a port, surrounded by dozens of breathing humans of which none were the one he needed.
Blackbeard didn't really recall how he got back onto the ship. Didn’t recall anything really.
That bastard.
Killed
Stede Bonnet was dead.
How dare he.
How DARE he.
Blackbeard was fighting with his mind, fighting with the Kraken and Edward, and himself. Trying to make sense of it.
Stede was meant to be alive.
Stede was meant to be with him.
He was the one who was meant to be dead.
And through his ragegriefhatredlove Blackbeard realised that it was time.
Today would be his last day on this godforsaken earth and on his beloved sea.
“Blackbeard?”
Of course, Izzy would barge in then.
“Ready to depart?” The hesitation in his voice made him sick.
“Yeah let’s fuck off.” He growled, hoping that the message of ‘leave me the fuck alone’ would have been enough to send his first mate running, instead, he lingered. “Captain, are you okay…?”
Blackbeard snorted and took a swig from the bottle of alcohol in his hand. He hadn’t realised he had grabbed another one.
“Fuck off Izzy.” But the bastard stayed.
“Heart some rumour in port. Something about Bonnet-“ Izzy couldn’t finish the sentence as he found a knife to his throat, pressing a bit too firm to just be a warning.
“Don’t ever speak that name again or it’ll be the last thing out of your mouth.” Izzy grunted something akin to an agreement and once Blackbeard let go of him, he finally scrambled away.
He knew that Izzy had loved Blackbeard a long time ago, and probably had convinced himself that he still loved him.
But Blackbeard had never needed anyone to love him.
He had needed someone to love Edward.
To respect Blackbeard.
To accept the Kraken.
He had needed Stede.
Stede, who was fucking dead.
Blackbeard decided that he and Stede would be together. Whether Stede wanted to or not. Where else would he go once they're both dead?
Not far behind the Revenge there was a small boat, just big enough to hold a small crew. Maybe it would have been more appropriate to be called a glorified dingy. Stede Bonnet had been roaming the seas for weeks. While he had been lucky enough to find most of his crew unscathered and quite quick, chasing the Revenge had become more of problem than he had anticipated.
He was so tired.
All that kept him going was that little feeling in his chest, the overwhelming joy he experienced while thinking of Edward.
“You know he changed, yeah?” Olu spoke up. Stede nodded in silent reply. He had heard what the crew had said, had been hurt by the destruction of his things, but ultimately he had only cared that Edward would strand the crew like that.
Things were just things. He cared for his people, his family, more than any book.
Cared for Edward more than anything.
They were catching up on the Revenge. Ever since they saw her leaving that last port, she had been on a bit of an odd course. First she seemed to go strong and fast as always, but a few moments ago it seemed like she came to a standstil. Stede really hoped nothing bad was going on.
Blackbeard wondered why the ship had stopped moving. Not enough to investigate it, but enough to make him pause. After a short moment he mentally shrugged his shoulders. It didn’t really matter now did it?
Blackbeard had often thought about how he would die. Had hoped it would be cool and awesome, sometimes he had just hoped that the next raid would be the last.
On the one hand he was about to kill Blackbeard, kill the legend that the seven seas feared. He would take the Kraken with him, who was roaring in his chest, trying to claw at his heart and squeeze it to standstill.
But at the end of the day it was time.
Edward Teach was going to kill himself.
And every version he had ever concocted to not be Edward.
With a heavy sigh he got up and went to the lever of the auxiliary closet. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Lucius’ grotesque ghost. As he pulled the lever, he turned towards him. “Does it hurt?” Lucius looked at him confused. “Being dead. Does it still hurt?” Lucius shrugged. “Not really, everything feels lighter. God knows I haven’t felt this light since I learnt how to snatch bread.” Edward smiled and Lucius’ ghost raised a questioning eyebrow. “That is nice.” As he entered the closet, still stuffed with summer linens and fine satin, he wandered to the little chest that held the best fucking brandy he had ever tasted. If Edward was going to die once and for all, he would do it the way he had wished he could have lived.
Surrounded by Stede.
He took a huge swig from the bottle and let it sit in his mouth for a moment. It burned, but so much sweeter than any other burn he had ever experienced. Edward reached for one of Stede’s garments, held it to his face, and took a deep breath.
It smelled like him.
Less intense and lightly faded, but he would always make out the slight tinge of lavender and
citrus that Stede always had to himself. As the door to the auxiliary closet closed itself again, he took another swig.
Nobody alive knew where he would be.
He could finish his brandy, smell Stede’s clothes, and then make himself bleed like he deserved. As he drank himself into a stupor he could hear Izzy yell his name in the quarters, then in other parts of the ship. He had a silent giggle to himself. He could yell for Blackbeard or the Kraken or even Edward all he wanted.
Izzy would never get to see him alive again, none of them.
As Stede came closer to the Revenge, he could see Izzy fucking Hands waiting at the railing for him. “You’re supposed to be dead.” He spoke with a sneer on his face. Stede raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t expected the news of his demise to make rounds like that. “Which one of us?” Izzy looked unimpressed. “All of you. But especially you Stede fucking Bonnet.” Stede exchanged a glance with Lucius, who just shrugged.
“Stede Bonnet is gone, I am just Stede.” Izzy’s face remained unchanged, but he threw the ladder. Which was more of an invitation than he had thought he would get. He exchanged another glance with his crew, all of them being as irritated as him, which didn’t go unnoticed by Izzy.
“Blackbeard is hiding somewhere on this godforsaken ship, and you are the only fucking person who knows this place’s secrets.” He grinded out between his teeth. As if it physically pained him to admit that Stede could be useful.
Maybe it did.
But as soon as his words registered Stede became more alarmed. “You lost your own captain on his ship?” He climbed the ladder with more stability than he had ever mustered and as he joined Izzy on deck he bestowed the other man with an unimpressed expression. Izzy remained silent, but the rage and dislike in his eyes was evident. Stede straightened himself and his clothes.
“Well. Lets get to it then.”
Not far away from this surprisingly non-violent reunion, Edward had finished the bottle.
He sighed.
“Well. Lets get to it then.”
He sat up a bit more, since he had sacked into himself, and went for his knife.
It had served him well.
It would for one last time.
“I’m coming Stede.” He’d be embarrassed if he wasn’t so fucking tired.
As he cut into the flesh below his wrist, he was fascinated to see his own blood rise up and bubble out of it’s fleshy prison.
He couldn’t even feel the pain.
He knew that he should, knew that, from the amount of blood flowing, he should panic. Instead, he felt relieved.
And happy.
For the first time in weeks, Edward was feeling like he could breathe.
He had planned to stab his own right side, once he had finished cuting up his arms, but he had not expected for energy to leave him so quick.
The amounts of alcohol he had consumed throughout the day had probably not helped in executing his plan.
It should be fine.
Who would find him here anyways?
The Kraken went silent, resting on the pitch black floor of Edward’s heart. It finally got what it had craved. A death by his hands. The Kraken didn’t care that it would be his own death. That being inside of Blackbeard just craved the act of killing and today it would receive the great honour of killing Blackbeard.
He had calmed, no longer boiling skin that was to burst with emotions. It felt, like with each beat of his heart, each renewed flood of blood leaving his veins, the heat and the overwhelming feeling of existing washed away.
Edward smiled.
“EDWARD!” He didn’t know how he mustered it, with his vision going black on the edges and his heart racing to keep him alive, while it just increased the speed of his bloodloss, but as he heard Stede’s voice his smile grew even bigger.
“You’re here.” He whispered.
“Of course! Of course I’m here, Edward we need to stop the bleeding, we need to-”
Edward sluggishly shook his head.
“Noooo I am coming Stede. Don’t stop the bleeding.” He mumbled, a warm feeling spreading from his heart into the rest of his body.
Funny, he had always imagined that bleeding out would feel cold.
“Wha- Where are you coming? We need to stop-” Stede hastily ripped up one of his old linens and tightly wrapped it around one of Edward’s wrists, hurrying to repeat the same action on the other wrist.
“Coming to you. We can be-” He took a shuddering breath, exhausted and tired. “We can be dead together.”
He mumbled, his smile unwavering as he could feel his heart beat faster and faster.
No matter what ghost Stede would try, Edward was sure it would be too late.
“I’m comin’ Stede. I’m comin’ home.” He exhaled, as his vision went black.
When he came to, he felt a hand on his own. There was soft fabric under his fingertips, and even though his eye lids are still so heavy, he knew he was safe.
He smelled lavender and citrus.
“Ed?” At the sound of Stede’s voice he began to fight with his eyelids, forcing them open with all of little energy he can muster.
The light blinded him, irritating his eyes. As he tried to lift his arm to shield his eyes from the intrusive rays, he suddenly registered pain shooting through his hand and arm.
“Autsh fuck.” He mumbled with a hoarse voice.
“Thought death would be without pain and shit.” He continued to mumble, before his eyes finally adjust to the light and focus on Stede.
Stede.
Edward could feel a smile break onto his face. All his anger was somewhere within his chest, but far away. Because he was finally back together with Stede. The situation felt eerily similar to how they had first met…or rather met after Stede came by. He was in the nook of the captain’s quarters, Stede sitting next to him, holding his hand.
“Edward.” Stede looked so relieved. It melted his heart.
“I made it.” Edward smiled. Which might have been the wrong thing to say, because Stede burst into tears.
“No…you, Edward you are not dead.” The world felt like it stopped spinning. “Fuck…you are a ghost? All this and all I get is your ghost?!” He wanted to be angry, and he was, but the overwhelming feeling of disappointment paralysed him. The blood loss he had suffered however long ago probably did not help.
“I am not a ghost. And I am not dead.” The words did not register with Edward. “Yes…yes the people in port…you died.” Edward mumbled. Oh no did Stede not know he was a ghost?
Stede couldn’t hold in the small waile that escaped him. “It was a fuckery. I faked it. Faked my death to be with you.”
A fuckery.
“A fuckery?!”
Stede nodded. “I- I am so sorry I caused this pain Edward, I am so sorry that I couldn’t catch up with you before the news had reached you. We have been following you for weeks, trying to get close to the Revenge.” Edward still hadn’t registered that they were alive.
“We…you…alive?” He mumbled.
And suddenly all of the emotions crashed into him like a ship that had ignored to lighthouse.
Anger, joy, embarrassment, grief, anger.
Anger.
“So what. You decide to unabandon me. Play a bit more pirate before it gets boring again.” Stede flinched. “No my darling I-” Stede took a shuddering breath. “I faked my death. Left my name, my wealth and everything else. May I…may I explain?” Edward huffed. “Like I can get up and run away.” He still felt overwhelmingly sluggish. Stede looked like he had been kicked. “I can leave if you want me to.” And as much as the Kraken would have loved to kick Stede out onto the sea, Edward was whimpering, the though of being separated again tearing his heart apart. “Didn’t fucking say that did I.” He coughed and could feel his stomach grumble. “How long ago did I…when did you find me? Feels like I haven’t eaten in days.” This seemed to have caused a lightbulb moment in Stede. “Oh right, Roach cooked something up for you.” At the mention of the old cooks/ medics name Edward rose his eyebrows. They were alive?
Stede seemed to have noticed his confusion. “Ah yes. They are alive. I found them on that island you left them. Can’t believe that was quicker than catching up to you.” Edward’s head was running circles. It was too much information, to many emotions, too much to process.
“So…I am alive, you are alive…most of the crew are alive.” Edward winced at the memory of killing Lucius. The boy had not deserve that. As his ghost had repeatedly told him.
“Oh no the entire crew. Now that we know that Jim and Frenchie were here. It was quite a relief to find them unscathered.”
Stede came back to the nook, holding a plate of something that looked soft and warm. He handed it to Edward, who took it, while wincing at the pain in his hands. “But the boy…Lucius. I killed him.”
He had more grief in his voice than Blackbeard or the Kraken would have ever allowed to leave Edward’s lips, but he couldn’t help it.
Stede’s expression went unbelievably soft. “No, you didn’t. He was floating in the ocean when we found him. He is okay.”
It felt like bricks were falling away from Edward’s chest. And as freeing as it felt, it had Blackbeard rear his head. Everything was fine. Like Stede had never left. All that played in his mind were how he had felt waiting for Stede. For hours. Waiting to get away and start their new lives.
Together.
Instead he had returned to his old live.
Alone.
“So go on. Explain why you left me.”
Why you broke my heart.
Stede averted his gaze, at least he had the decency to be ashamed.
“It wasn’t your man who woke me.”
Edward looked at him in confusion, bits of anger falling away. “It was Chauncey. Badminton.” Edward went deadly still. Emotions, fucking emotions washing over him again like he was the fucking beach and they were the sea.
“He took me to the forest. Wanted to shoot me. And I would have let him.” The plate shattered on the floor of the cabin. Neither of them spoke. Stede took a shuddering breath. “He said that… I defile beautiful things. That I brought you to ruin. My family too.” Edward wanted to protest, but the words were stuck in his throat. “But he fell and shot himself in the face. And I ran. Back to Mary and the children.” Stede didn’t let Edward’s darkened expression stop him from continuing his tale.
“But they were better off without me. Everyone seemed better off without me.” Stede sighed and Edward fought himself to not feel pity for the man that just admitted to had run away from him.
“But…I realised that I love you. I love you so fucking much Edward.” While it did not feel like the conclusion of his story, Stede started sobbing again. “And I hate myself for it, because I ruin you. I ruin everything I ever cared for. But I am selfish. And I can’t live without you Edward.” For a moment silence hung heavy in the captain’s quarters of the Revenge. Only Stede’s (mostly) silent sobs and the sea were to be heard. Finally Edward sighed.
“You didnt…you didnt defile me. All that happened, I did on my own accords. I am a grown man Stede. You can’t make yourself responsible for my decisions. You are responsible for your own.” Stede nodded, tears still streaming over his face. “I am sorry Edward.” “You were the one who made me beautiful Stede. I have been gruesome and horrible and scarry. But never beautiful. And nobody has ever made me feel beautiful. Until I met you.” He took a shuddering breath while his eyes looked everwhere but in Stede’s direction.
“And when you left and you took all that with you. I felt uglier than ever.”
Stede sobbed again.
“And I will repay you with my life if you let me.”
What hurt Edward the most was that Stede sounded honest. “Is that so much of a burden?”
Stede’s head snapped towards him, terror in his eyes. As if Edward had spoken forbidden words.
“No. It wouldn’t be a burden, actually it would be the greatest pleasure of my life. If I could make you smile again. Be Edward again.”
Edward remained silent and averted his eyes.
“What…what if I can’t be Edward? Not all the time.”
He felt embarrassed, but being Edward was overwhelming and sometimes…sometimes he needed to be Blackbeard.
Or even the Kraken.
Needed to unleash the hell that was growing in his mind and body.
Stede cautiously reached for his hands. His first instinct was to pull away, but he couldn’t. Deep inside he craved the other man’s touch more than he craved oxygen.
“I love every version of you. I love Edward and his gentle eyes, I love Blackbeard and his strong hands, and I love the Kraken and his…boldness?” He smiled weakly at the last exclamation. As if he wasn’t talking about the most feared monster on the seven seas. As if he wasn’t talking about a murderer.
Finally, it was Edward’s damm that burst. Tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, finally falling onto his cheeks.
“Never leave.” He pleaded, feeling pathetic and weak. “Nothing will ever be able to make me. I love you Edward. More than I thought it was possible to love someon.” With a new found boldness Edward lunged forward and connected their lips. He could feel Stede’s smile against his lips.
For the first time in weeks Edward, Blackbeard, and the Kraken could breath in unison.