Chapter Text
Andrew stared at his brother, not sure how to exactly pinpoint the feeling in his chest. He’d said goodbye to plenty of people over the years. To Renee, Kevin, and even Nicky just that morning. But this goodbye felt different. It was similar to the goodbye he would give Neil in twenty-seven days. But even then, the goodbye to Neil didn’t feel permanent. This goodbye to his brother did and Andrew could admit to himself that he did not like it.
“I’ll text you when we make it,” Aaron said, standing in front of the blue Toyota Andrew had bought him with his sign on bonus. Aaron, surprisingly, didn’t make it a thing which made it easier for Andrew to transfer money into his brother's account for travel expenses. He wasn’t sure if Aaron had noticed yet or not but hoped if he did, he wouldn’t mention it. Being able to do things without acknowledgement was easier and he found he rather liked it.
“Be safe,” Andrew said.
“You too.” Aaron slid into the driver's seat where Katelyn sat next to him in the passenger. She waved to Andrew who nodded and watched the two drive off. After a few minutes he pulled himself together and entered Abby’s house, heading down the hallway to the bedroom where a certain rabbit would be. When he opened the door Neil laid on the bed, looking at his dinosaur of a flip phone but when he heard the door open his attention went to Andrew and a smile lit up his face. Even after three-ish years of seeing that smile pointed towards him, Andrew was no closer to being used to it. He closed the door, using it as an excuse to look away, then kicked off his shoes and crawled over Neil and flopped down on top of him. Neil let out a huff but didn’t push Andrew off. Instead, fingers went to his hair and massaged softly.
“This is not the end,” Neil said, echoing a similar statement Andrew had once told him.
“Ever come up with anything on your own?”
Neil laughed, full body, jarring Andrew out of the trenches of his mind. Neil’s laughter wasn’t as rare as it once was but it still beckoned for Andrew to bask in it because he always worried it would be the last time. And with less than a month left with Neil, who knew when Andrew would hear that glorious laugh again. “They helped me, I was hoping they’d help you.”
“There’s nothing to help. I’m fine.”
“Now who’s the one copying who?”
“I’m allowed to say it. You’re not.”
Neil sighed, his fingers still moving in blonde hair that soothed Andrew too much. He felt his body relax entirely and soon Neil was holding up his entire weight. It still surprised him how much Neil held Andrew up. “Did you talk to Bee?”
“No,” Andrew answered.
“Why not?”
“There’s no need to. I’m no longer her patient.”
“You haven’t said goodbye to her though.”
“I don’t have to say goodbye to my therapist.”
“You and I both know that’s not how you view her.”
Andrew scoffed. “Stop putting your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“When have I ever done that?” Neil retorted.
“Two hundred and twenty percent.”
Neil laughed, the annoying laugh he gave whenever Andrew spilled out a percentage. “Come on,” Neil said, motioning to get up but Andrew didn’t budge. “Let’s get ice cream.”
“I don’t want ice cream,” Andrew mumbled. A hand went to his forehead and he pushed it away, annoyed.
“You don’t have a fever so you’re not sick.”
“Stop while you’re ahead, Josten.”
“Okay fine. Five minutes and then we go eat ice cream.”
“Ten.”
Neil hummed then kissed Andrew’s forehead. It was so infuriating but Andrew could never bring himself to tell Neil to stop doing it. Andrew closed his eyes, one of his hands finding Neil’s and they laid there, the only sounds filling the room was their breathing and it was the most soothing sound to him. At some point, they heard the front door open and by the quiet footsteps it was probably Abby who had returned home. Neither of them moved. Not at first. Andrew was going to wait his full ten minutes. When it came to an end Neil said, “Come on, I asked her to pick up your favorite.”
“You’re insufferable,” Andrew said, reluctantly pulling himself off Neil.
“And yet you haven’t gotten rid of me.”
“The time is fast approaching,” Andrew replied, although, even he knew the lie in it. He followed Neil out of the bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen but came to a halt when he saw who was sitting at the bar. Bee, in all her glory, looked up at him and had the audacity to smile.
“I’m going to see if Wymack needs any help at the stadium,” Neil said, picking up the keys to the Maserati.
“Neil,” Andrew said in warning and indignation.
“I have a problem sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders and heading towards the door.
“Andrew?” Bee said. Reluctantly, he walked over and sat down across from her. She pushed over the pint of ice cream and a spoon then worked the lid opened to her own. They ate in silence. Something that Andrew would normally enjoy. But not today. He was hoping to not have to do this. He was so close to not having to face Bee again. To leave for Detroit without having to say goodbye.
“You can always call me if you need to,” she said after some time had passed.
“You have other patients to worry about,” he replied.
“We both know you were always more than a patient.”
“Didn’t they warn you not to get close to the crazies in school or are you so bad at your job that you did anyways?”
“Are you done throwing a fit?” She asked in her no bullshit voice.
“I’m not a child.”
“Yet, you’re acting like one. You’re trying to push me away so it hurts less. But I won’t let you. Moving to Detroit doesn’t mean I can’t still be a part of your life.”
“Why would you want to?” He asked before he could filter the words.
Bee’s face softened like it did when Andrew said something that broke her heart. He hadn’t said something like that in a long time. “Yes, it’s advised to not get close to patients. To not care beyond the help we give them. But sometimes you get a patient who you care a great deal about. You’ve become someone I care about deeply and have been rooting for you for years. I will continue to do so as you go on to your next stage in life. If you never want to talk to me again, that’s fine. But I will always be here for you. Whether it’s as a therapist or as a friend. I’m not asking for anything in return.”
Andrew moved the rest of his melted ice cream around the pint, eyes focusing hard on the task and not on Bee’s face. This is what he wanted to avoid. He wanted to pretend no one cared about him outside of Neil because it was easier that way. He knew nothing he did or said would ever disappoint Neil because the idiot was too goddamn understanding for his own good. But it didn’t apply to everyone. And even if Bee was his therapist for five years, he didn’t want to disappoint her. Didn’t want to open the door to the possibility of ever disappointing her. He wanted to escape out of here without having to face her one last time, without having to hear that she still wanted to be a part of his life despite not having a deal or a duty to be his therapist.
“I’ll text you when I’m settled,” he said.
“Good. I’ll send you a housewarming gift.”
“Unnecessary.”
“But not unwanted,” she countered. Andrew rolled his eyes, wondering when he got two Neil’s on his hands. She was never this pushy in their sessions but again, they were no longer patient and doctor. They sat for a little while longer, trading conversation that wasn’t pressured or awkward. He told her about the apartment he rented and how Neil was going to ride with him up and spend his month break there before flying back to Palmetto. Bee assured him she’ll look out for Neil during his last year. He’d never admit it to her, but he was glad that she would. He trusted her to take care of Neil when the idiot wouldn’t himself or when Andrew was too far to do it. She left an hour later, no pressure to say a heartfelt goodbye but it still hurt to see her drive away.
He went back to the bedroom and fell into the bed, waiting for his rabbit to return. He had just begun to doze off when the bedroom door opened. “Drew?” Neil said quietly as he softly shut the door. Andrew didn’t bother sitting up or opening his eyes for that matter. He patted the empty space beside him weakly. The lights shut off and the shuffling sound of shoes and extra layers of clothes being shed filled the quiet room until the bed dipped and Neil’s familiar weight was beside him. “I hate you,” Andrew mumbled.
“Did you say everything you needed to?” Neil asked.
Andrew shrugged, lolling his heading to the side and finally opening his eyes. Icy blue ones stared back at him. “Pipedream,” Andrew scoffed and Neil had the audacity to smile but then it faded as he looked up at the ceiling. Something painful filled Andrew’s chest. Neil had been surprisingly put together and cheerful these last few weeks. Making Andrew’s nerves less wired as he dealt with changes that he knew were inevitable but would still hurt in different ways.
Neil had let Andrew say goodbye to every important person left in Palmetto while he stood on the sidelines and cheered Andrew on. There was only one goodbye left and it would be the most painful one. It seemed as though it was finally hitting Neil too. They only had twenty-seven days together and then Neil would return to Palmetto alone for the first time since Millport. Andrew reached out, lacing his fingers through Neil’s and giving a squeeze. When Neil didn’t respond or even look at him, Andrew tugged gently. “Come here,” he said and Neil listened, rolling onto his side and letting Andrew pull him close. Neither of them said anything. There were no words to make this situation any easier. So Andrew did the only thing he could think of, he repeated the mantra he had changed and perfected over the years. “Neil Josten, starting striker and Captain of the Palmetto Foxes. You are here with me. You are safe with me. A year is nothing compared to the three we’ve spent together.” Neil’s body grew pliant and soon the soft breathing of sleep came from him. Andrew repeated the mantra one more time, a little quieter, as if trying to convince himself of that last sentence. A year was nothing. But neither of them was sure it would only be a year. Life tended to push them down and keep them from getting what they wanted.
•••
In rare form, Andrew woke before Neil. The rabbit was still pressed against his chest, body heavy in its relaxed form. Andrew didn’t bother to move. He wanted to take this time to calculate everything. The room they were in was filled with their stuff. Neil’s Exy posters. A dart board for Andrew to throw his knives at when he was restless. Some time in the last couple of years it had become their room in the house Abby and Wymack purchased together when they finally accepted that they were in a relationship. This room became a place no one else was allowed to enter. Abby and Wymack said it would remain theirs until they didn’t need it anymore. Andrew didn’t really understand. They didn’t technically need it now. But he guessed that the two busybodies understood what it meant for Neil to have a place of his own. A place to call home when Columbia was too far away. And with Neil having no real reason to go to Columbia alone, this room might become his safe haven over the next year. Andrew looked down to where Neil’s hand had bunched up in Andrew’s shirt. He was able to get a peak at the black ink on the inside of Neil’s middle finger. An outline of a key. When Neil came to Andrew last year asking to take him to a tattoo shop, it was surprising to say the least.
Neil wanted something for himself. Something permanent on his body that was by his own choosing. Andrew understood that feeling all too well. The look on Neil’s face when his tattoo was done was burned into Andrew’s mind. He didn’t even think twice about his decision before he asked the tattoo artist if they would do something on Andrew as well. And that was how Andrew got a minimalist outline of a rabbit on the inside of his middle finger. Hiding them was easy for a while but then Nicky noticed and soon everyone knew about them.
Andrew was pulled out of his thoughts when Neil groaned and buried himself further into his embrace. He held Neil tighter, not ready to get up and deal with the day.
“Morning,” Neil said, his voice muffled against Andrew’s chest.
“Mhmm,” Andrew hummed. His fingers went into Neil’s hair, massaging gently. This was what Andrew would probably miss most. The time in the morning where they got to be soft without caring who might see and say something. It was their time to bask in each other's presence to recharge for the day.
“Let’s say we did and not.”
“Sure, just tell my coach why I didn’t show up on time.”
“Okay, I’ll take the blame.”
Andrew kissed Neil’s forehead then pushed him away so he could get up. Neil laughed as he rolled onto his back and stretched, his shirt pulling up enough to show tanned skin and a scar or two. Andrew had to look away or else he’d climb back into bed and kiss every part of Neil he could touch.
“Get up,” Andrew said, throwing a discarded pillow from the ground at the rabbit who didn’t even bother to try and catch it. Andrew slipped on his armbands and walked down the hall to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Neil eventually joined him, more awake than he was moments ago. “Run?”
Neil shook his head, “No time. We need to get on the road soon.”
“We probably could have been on the road already if you had gotten up sooner.”
“I specifically remember waking up and you were staring at me. So if you had woken me up sooner then maybe we could have been on the road sooner.”
Andrew rinsed his mouth out, shoved Neil, and headed for the kitchen, Neil’s laughter following after him.
“Someone’s in a good mood,” Abby said, her back to Andrew as he entered.
“He’s annoying,” Andrew replied, walking over to the coffee pot and pouring him and Neil a cup. Abby turned to face him, leaning against the counter as she took a bite of her bagel.
“Yet you still keep me around,” Neil said, entering the kitchen.
“Are you ever going to stop using that excuse?”
“Sure, when you get rid of me.”
Andrew scoffed and held out the boring black coffee to Neil who took it with a smile on his face.
“What time are you two heading out?” Abby asked. Neil looked to Andrew for an answer but all he did was shrug.
Neil rolled his eyes and answered, “Soon I think. Everything is packed.”
“David will be here in a few minutes with donuts if you can wait a bit?”
“Sure,” Neil answered. Abby took her bagel to the dining table, leaving the kitchen to just Andrew and Neil. “If we don’t leave soon, it’ll be super late by the time we get there.” Andrew shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t really worried about getting there at any specific time. They’d have to get a hotel in the city anyways since the apartment wasn’t furnished yet. Not to mention, he wasn’t exactly in a hurry to leave.
The front door opened and Wymack entered holding a carton of donuts. “Good morning,” he said. Abby and Neil replied. Andrew remained impassive and helped himself to the donuts. Breakfast was a quiet affair. All that could have been said had been at graduation. Abby and Wymack were proud of him and how far he had come and other annoying mushy things that he wished he could wipe from his memory. When Andrew and Neil finally left the house and headed towards the car, Wymack followed after. Neil slid into the passenger seat quickly, giving Andrew and Wymack privacy that Andrew did not want or appreciate.
“Text me when you two make it. I’d ask Neil but we both know how he is with his phone,” Wymack said, standing a few feet away from where Andrew leaned against the door.
“A habit he will be breaking this year.”
“I hope so,” Wymack smiled, his eyes flitting over to Neil and back at Andrew.
“I know it goes without saying but just to make myself clear,” Andrew said. “I expect you to keep him safe and to let me know if anything happens.”
Wymack's smile grew. “Understood. Drive safe.”
Andrew nodded and slid into the drivers seat as Wymack stepped back on the porch and watched them drive away.
The trip took a little under twelve hours between their limited stops. They checked into their hotel and promptly fell asleep without fanfare. The next morning they woke early and headed over to the apartment to pick up his keys. “Wow. It’s so new,” Neil said, putting down the two boxes he carried up.
“As opposed to?”
Neil turned around and glared at Andrew. “Dick.”
Shrugging his shoulders, Andrew sat down the boxes he had brought up. They only had to make two more trips for the Maserati to be unloaded and then all they had to do was wait for his big items to deliver.
First came the king size frame and mattress. Put together courtesy of the delivery men. Because “Why would I do it myself when I have big Exy money to pay other people to do it”. Then the dresser. Next was the couch and recliner. He didn’t see any reason for them but Neil said that if he was spending money he might as well fully furnish the place ‘just in case’. The TV came next and then the bookshelf that Andrew ignored Neil’s smirk at. It was an ongoing argument they had for years now. Andrew felt permanence was a mistake to feed into. The bed and TV were necessities. The couch and recliner were to please Neil. The bookshelf though. The bookshelf was for Andrew. No matter how many times he tried to pull his apathetic mask on when it came to books, Neil always saw through it. Whenever Andrew particularly liked a book and had to return it to the library, he’d find a brand new purchased copy in his belongings. Soon his library grew and it was harder to hide the books in their dorm so the stash inevitably went to their room in Columbia. And then was unfortunately moved to the trunk of the Maserati. As an act of rebellion, Andrew had made Neil bring all the books up. But the junkie looked too smug doing it.
By two that afternoon, everything that was to be delivered had been. Andrew was already exhausted and hitting his limit. But Neil and his infinite energy dragged him to the store for all the things Andrew hadn’t bought. They filled up two carts. One with food and the other with essentials that it apparently took to live in a place by yourself. On the way home, Andrew made them stop and get food because the last thing he wanted to do was cook. He was exhausted and close to telling Neil to run twenty miles and then come back when he was ready to stop pulling Andrew around. But, like always, Neil could sense the foul mood brewing. So when they got back to the apartment he put Andrew on the couch with his food and the TV remote then went to put away all the things they bought.
After he ate, Andrew showered and returned to the couch while Neil was still moving around the apartment. By the time Neil had showered and settled on the couch next to Andrew to finally eat his own food, it was nearly ten o’clock. He ate a few bites but put it away and returned to the couch, resting his head in Andrew’s lap.
“You did not have to do it all,” Andrew said, running his fingers through the loose auburn curls.
Neil had his eyes closed but smiled brightly as he said, “I didn’t mind.”
“I’m surprised you even put my books up how I like them.”
“Despite popular belief, I’m pretty observant.”
“To exits and danger,” Andrew corrected.
“To exits, danger, and all things Andrew.”
Before Neil could open his eyes and show that look, Andrew covered them. “You’re getting brave with the retorts.”
“Three years will do that to a person.”
Andrew spread his fingers, giving him a look at the tattoo on his finger. Three years. Four since they’ve known each other. As if sensing his thought process boarding on spiraling, Neil grabbed his hand. It shouldn’t have calmed him down so easily. It wouldn’t have four years ago. “Are you ready for bed?” Neil asked, taking Andrew’s hand from his eyes and kissing the palm. Andrew hummed in answer, more than ready to crawl into bed with Neil but not ready to end the day. It meant his new life was starting and that the countdown of having Neil right there at all times was starting. Twenty-five days. They only had twenty-five days before everything changed for good.
Neil sat up too soon and pulled Andrew up to his feet and towards the bedroom. He watched as Neil pulled the blankets back and looked up at him expectantly. “What is it?”
I’m going to miss you , Andrew thought. But he couldn’t form the words with his mouth. They felt lodged in his throat, stuck for the foreseeable future. Admitting that he would miss Neil, that he already missed him, would open himself up to pain he wasn’t ready to let in or figure out how to deal with. Andrew shook his head, shut the lights off then crawled into bed. Before Neil could lay down, Andrew shed his arm bands and handed them over where Neil put them on the nightstand. Once they were in bed together, Andrew turned on his side and pulled Neil to him, hoping the next twenty-four nights would go as slow as possible.