Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The blinding lights of Yokohama shone in the background and you could hear the faint sound of cars passing by. The full moon peeked through clouds and tree branches delicately swayed in the wind. Hand in hand, two men walked down the riverbank. This was the perfect time to be out, when no one could disturb them or see them. The taller one was almost skipping, slightly dragging his husband along behind him.

"Hey Osamu, stop dragging me!" Chuuya shouted.

"Aw, can Chuuya not keep up with his little legs?"

"Watch what you say bastard! I'm perfectly capable of keeping at a normal walking speed! You however..."

"Chuuya's so mean to me! Did you forget that I'm your husband?" Dazai whined.

Although, that didn't stop him from slowing down slightly.

"Of course not dumbass! You're lucky I love you." Chuuya scoffed.

"I love you too."

You could clearly see the smiles on their faces. They were truly happy with each other.

"So Osamu, are you ever planning to tell your co-workers you're married? You're supposed to have that in the agency's records anyways!"

"I would...but there would be too many questions! I can't be bothered to explain how I'm married to a mafia executive. Too much effort!"

The ginger laughed, "You're just lazy. But you can tell them when you're ready, don't stress about it."

"Yeah, they don't have to know anyways."

"To be honest, those people at the agency seem fucking dumb! I can't believe they haven't figured out you're married, or at least suspect something."

It may not seem like it, but they most definitely cared about each other. But to everyone else, they were just old work partners and rivals that hate each other.

"Ranpo most likely knows already, you can't hide anything from him." Dazai chuckled.

"Speaking of that guy, he might just be one of the most irritating! Not as annoying as you though."

"No one ever beats me!"

"Anyway, I have a day off next week on Monday, so if you want me to drop you off at work I can."

"Alrighty!"

Chapter Text

"Alright, listen up everyone!" Kunikida announced, "The president wants us to have our personal records fully updated by the end of this week."

Dazai, who was lying on the sofa, immediately paused his music and his eyes widened. That would mean whoever saw his records would know about his marriage to a mafia executive. Not only that, he was pretty sure everyone thinks he's as straight as a ruler. And Kunikida checks through those records before handing them to the president. Only Kouyou knows about the marriage, as Chuuya can't seem to hide anything from that woman.

"Dazai, don't even think about skipping this. These are important papers."

Kunikida handed the paperwork to Dazai.

"Yeah yeah, okay." he replied and went back to listening to music.

ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴇᴇᴋ...

"Dazai, your records please?"

"They're not finished."

"What do you mean, not finished?! You've had all week!" Kunikida yelled, "Haven't you filled in everything?"

"Well, yes I have."

"Then they're finished!"

Kunikida looked like he was about to throw something halfway across the room at this point.

Ranpo interrupted, "He's filled in all he needs to. He just needs his partner's signature."

"You...partner? Impossible! How can someone as irresponsible as you be married?!"

"Kunikida, don't you think someone as handsome as me would be married?"

"I suppose that makes sense..." Yosano mumbled.

"So who are you married to Dazai?" Atsushi asked.

"Not telling!"

"I know!" Ranpo smiled mischievously.

"Anyway, why haven't they signed it?" Kunikida asked.

"They're simply too busy with work at the moment, but I suppose I could get them to drop by on Monday."

Chuuya being busy with work wasn't entirely a lie, but Dazai wanted an excuse to delay the reveal of their relationship as much as possible.

"I guess that's acceptable enough." Kunikida said, "If that paperwork isn't finished by Monday, then there will be sanctions."

"I won't let you down Kunikida!" Dazai put his headphones on, "You can't do a double suicide just by yourself..."

Kunikida simply sighed and went back to his work.

"I'm curious about who he's married to now. Hey Ranpo, I'll buy you a ton of sweets if you tell me." Yosano whispered.

"Fine, I can't refuse that. He's married to Chuuya Nakahara, Port Mafia executive." Ranpo whispered back, "I trust you not to tell anyone else until Dazai does."

She gasped, "Wait, that's so cute! Never knew Dazai was into guys. Me and Chuuya are drinking buddies, you see. I suppose he did mention something about a partner once..."

"You're welcome, I'll be expecting those sweets."

"Thank you, I'll bring some in on Monday."

Chapter Text

Dazai came up behind Chuuya and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Chuuuyaaaaa..."

"Yes?" His husband answered while cooking dinner for the two of them.

"I kinda didn't tell you about signing the agency's personal records so can you come in on Monday to sign it?"

"Finally, they're updating them." He answered, "And yes, I will."

"How do you think they'll react when they find out I'm married to you?" Dazai asked.

"Probably freak out and proceed to ask you a ton of fucking dumb questions."

"Nooo, I don't wanna answer them!" He whined.

Chuuya laughed, "Don't worry about it too much, okay?"

"Okay..." Dazai mumbled into his shoulder.

He softly kissed Chuuya's neck, then his cheek.

He turned his head and kissed Dazai back, "That's enough for now, we can't get carried away or I'll burn the food."

-

"Can't I just commit double suicide with you before Monday? I don't wanna deal with those stupid papers."

"I'd prefer if we both stayed alive actually,  you bandaged bastard! Are you really letting this bother you that much?"

"Nah, I was just kidding chibi!" Dazai grinned, "But the option of a double suicide will always be open!"

Chuuya sighed, "You scare me sometimes Osamu."

He leaned in to hug Dazai.

"Please never actually kill yourself, I don't know what I would do if you left me again."

"I promise I won't, Chuuya. The only time I'd ever die is if you die!"

He kissed Chuuya's forehead and returned the hug.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Chapter Text

"Gotta get to work before Kunikida gets too irritated, can you drive me there chibi?"

Chuuya sighed, "Fine, but please try to be on time more often. I'll sign the papers while I'm there too."

ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴅᴀ...

"Dazai, you're la- is that a mafia executive?!" Kunikida exclaimed.

All heads turned towards the door where they were standing.

"Yes, yes calm down. We're still in an alliance Kunikida, remember?"

"Oh, I suppose so. But what is he doing here with you?"

Yosano and Ranpo looked at each other and burst out laughing because they knew exactly why. Everyone minus Chuuya and Dazai looked at them with confusion.

"You know what, nevermind. Just make sure your partner comes over to sign those papers today and get on with your work."

He sighed and went back to working on his computer.

The married couple walked over to Dazai's desk. No one was paying attention to what they were doing.

"Alright, now wheres the papers?"

Dazai started to look through the extremely messy pile of papers on his desk.

"Oops, I guess I lost them somewhere!"

"What do you mean you fucking lost them?! Those are important papers!" Chuuya yelled.

Heads turned towards them in shock.

"Calm down, they're somewhere here in this pile."

Chuuya sighed, "This is what happens when you have a ton of unfinished work."

"Do you need some help Dazai?" Kenji asked.

"Wait- I found them! Thank you Kenji but I have the papers now."

"Okay!" The boy smiled and skipped away.

Dazai handed the relationships and emergency contacts paper to Chuuya. He neatly wrote his signature in the boxes and handed it back.

"Kunikida, my personal records are finished!"

"Already? But what about your partner's signature?"

"Just got it from my husband Chuuya right here!" Dazai handed the papers over.

"You're married to Nakahara?" Atsushi looked suprised.

"Why yes I am! We've been married for years now!"

"I'll see you at home Osamu, okay?"

Chuuya kissed him goodbye.

"Bye-bye chibi!" Dazai waved.

Mouths hung open in shock. Kunikida hadn't even spoken a word.

Finally he spoke, "I think I'm going to faint..."

"I don't know what you're all so shocked about, it was pretty obvious to me!" Ranpo grinned.

"Well, Dazai seemed pretty straight to me." Tanizaki shrugged.

"Yeah, well you should've seen how Dazai was chained up in the mafia dungeons while Chuuya was there too, when he was captured by us. That tension was unreal and not straight in the slightest." Akutagawa said bluntly.

Atsushi jumped in surprise, "Since when did you get here?!"

"Through the window."

Yosano walked over to them, "Anyways, how did you even meet Nakahara? I mean I'm guessing you met in the Port Mafia. But I want details!"

"That's a story for another day, I'll bring the hatrack in tomorrow just so I can embarrass him with our teenage stories!" Dazai laughed, genuinely for once.

Chapter Text

The next day, Dazai strolled into the agency, pulling his reluctant husband along with him. This was precisely at 9 o'clock in the morning, meaning he was definitely late to work. Chuuya had lectured him throughout the entire journey there about being on time more often.

"Dazai, you're late again." Kunikida stated.

He didn't even bother to shout at him this time, considering he hadn't turned up on time for weeks on end.

"Yeah, yeah. Now, who wants to hear about how me and the slug met?"

Dazai grinned and sat on the couch, pulling Chuuya down to sit next to him. Most of the agency gathered round and sat down, looking extremely intrigued. Ranpo had already figured out quite a bit of their story, but he had nothing better to do. The only exceptions were the President, who was in his office and Kunikida, who insisted that he could listen while he worked on his computer. He couldn't miss a minute of work.

Dazai started to explain, "So, it all started when I was still with the Port Mafia..."

"When we first met at 15, Chuuya kicked me right in the face. So violent for someone so tiny!"

Chuuya glared at him immediately.

Dazai had been talking for a while. He left out a few moments of course. He didn't have the energy to explain every little detail. It was now time for him to discuss their life after starting to date.

"On my 16th birthday, Chuuya confessed to me. To be honest, I thought he was joking at first."

"Yeah because you were an oblivious dumbass." Chuuya chuckled.

"So were you!" Dazai replied.

Ranpo let out a small snicker that earned a glare from the executive.

"There was this one time when me and Chuuya went to the arcade. We got kicked out by some angry homophobic woman that worked there because we were making out in the corner. Then, before she went back into the building, Chuuya punched her in the face and we ran away."

"Honestly deserved." Yosano commented.

"Yeah, let's just say we never went to that arcade again." Chuuya laughed.

Kunikida looked away from his computer screen.

"How did you not get in trouble for punching her though, weren't there security cameras?"

"Trust me Kunikida, we've gotten away with way worse crimes than that." Dazai smirked.

"I don't even wanna know..." Kunikida shivered.

"Anyway, some things happened after that."

Dazai conveniently left out the series of traumatic events that went on in 16 year-old Chuuya's life.

"We got married at 18 before I left the Mafia, and we've been married ever since then!"

Dazai leaned over to kiss Chuuya on the cheek. He scowled but clearly wasn't complaining about it.

"But didn't you stop talking after that?" Atsushi questioned.

"Yes, but we never actually got divorced. So we have been married the whole time, we just didn't talk to each other for 4 years."

"Yeah, makes perfect sense..." Tanizaki mumbled.

"Now, you do wanna hear about the time that we traumatised Mori?" Dazai grinned.

"Now this is definitely something worth listening to." Yosano smirked.

Chapter Text

"So...how we traumatised Mori. He was out of his office for a few minutes so I dragged Chuuya in there and made out with him! Then Mori walked back in and let's just say he was traumatised and was scared we'd just make out infront of him every time he saw us together after that." Dazai grinned.

Chuuya rolled his eyes, "You definitely did that to piss him off."

"Pftt, he deserved it." Yosano replied.

Atsushi looked concerned.

"What's with you both and getting caught kissing..."

"It's his kink."

"Hey, don't go exposing me like that, bad dog!" Dazai whined.

"Die." Chuuya punched his shoulder.

"Gladly!"

If it wasn't for Dazai's ability, he would have been floating and hurled across the room by now. Atsushi looked like he was questioning his life choices, Kunikida was just shocked into silence and Ranpo was entirely unbothered.

"Crazy." Tanizaki commented to his sister.

"Shut up you're literally incestuous." Chuuya replied.

Yosano let out a snicker and Tanizaki went quiet.

"You have an interesting relationship for what I thought was a rivalry." Atsushi commented.

"Don't worry, you and Akutagawa will be exactly the same soon!" Dazai grinned.

"What...WHAT?!"

"You'll come out of your denial phase one day."

"Oh."

"Isn't it time that you all actually start your work now?" Kunikida complained.

"Ah, well I would, but now I must take my miniature husband home!"

Dazai proceeded to drag Chuuya across the room and out the door with him.

"You waste of bandages it's not the end of work yet! GET BACK HERE." Kunikida yelled after him.

"You can't even safely drive me home, stop trying to get out of work you lazy ass!" Chuuya pointed out.

"Oh, but can't I just accompany my darling husband home?" Dazai teased.

"You're lucky I love you. Now get in the car idiot."