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He has to get up.
His body is broken.
Twisted and contorted, bloodied and torn, pale and weak, but he has to get up.
His mind and his body do not cooperate.
His flesh has accepted its fate while his spirit refuses it.
He has to get up.
He made a vow and he will not break it.
His right leg is bent, snapped into an unnatural direction with blood and bone contrasting sickly against his skin.
He ignores it and forces his body to bear his weight.
Get up, keep moving, keep going.
He swore.
He swore he would come back to them.
His mind isn't thinking about the pain, about how his ribs feel like shattered glass, about how the back of his neck feels hot, or his head feels dizzy.
He only thinks about Noelle and their daughter.
He swore this fight would not be his last, that he would come home, that he would not make a widow of his wife or an orphan of his daughter.
It doesn't matter that he can feel his body dying, it doesn't matter that his blood spills onto the earth.
None of it matters, only they matter.
He's has to keep fighting, he's has to keep going, nothing on this earth is going to keep him from his family.
He tries to move, tries to take a step forward, and that action-that simple action makes his vision go white.
When he wakes he's back on the ground, back where he started.
No.
He will not leave them.
He refuses to leave them.
There's darkness creeping in the corner of his eyes, he can feel the grim reaper looming over his shoulder, and his body is trying to give out on him.
He grits his teeth together and uses his hands to crawl forward.
He will not leave them.
His family will not lose him.
The darkness isn't something he can fight or run from.
It encapsulates him before he even realizes it.
And as he slips away.
He prays his wife and daughter remember how much he loved them.
xXx
He hadn't expected to wake up.
He had been certain that once that darkness finally consumed him it would not let him go.
So the first thing he experiences when he opens his eyes apart from pain is surprise.
Followed by immense relief.
Asta is so overjoyed that he has more time with his family, that he gets to continue to watch his daughter grow, that he nearly starts to weep.
And he's not the only one.
"Asta?"
A silky voice calls to him, one soft and full of concern and once again Asta fights off tears because he knows exactly who that voice belongs to.
"Noelle." His voice is scratchy and broken, his throat hurts, and even just speaking is difficult.
Despite all this he can't stop the smile that spreads onto his face as he meets her gaze.
He had thought for one awful moment that he would never see her again, and now here she is, in all her beauty and glory.
"Asta!" Noelle weeps, collapsing by his bedside and collecting him in her arms, "I thought I told you to stop doing this!"
He frowns at her words and at her tears, an unfortunately familiar pang of guilt creeping in his chest.
"I know," he gently runs a hand through her hair, "I'm so sorry my love."
"If Yuno hadn't gotten you out of there when he did-" she chokes on a sob.
"Shh," he soothes, "I know my love, I'm sorry, it's going to be alright, I'm here."
"Never scare me like that again," she pulls away from him to look into his eyes, "I had honestly thought you were dead when I saw you Asta- I thought-"
Noelle can't speak, she can only bite at her lip in order to try and stifle another sobbing fit.
But she fails
Her cries are guttural and they wound him more than any blade could.
He lifts his hand, ignoring how his limbs feel wooden and ache with pain, and rests it on her cheek.
"I'm so sorry Noelle," he brushes her tears away, "I didn't mean to frighten you, but know that I had zero intentions on leaving you."
"I know," she presses her hand against his own and holds it to her cheek, "I know you didn't but that doesn't change the fact that we almost lost you."
"I know my love, but I'm here, I'm not going anywhere I swear it."
"Stop going on missions."
Asta looks at her baffled.
"Wha-what?"
"You're the Wizard King now you don't have to fight," she pleads, "you have knights under your command that you can call to arms, you don't have to fight."
"I can't just sit back and watch my people die in a war they didn't ask for."
"And what will your people do if they lose their leader? What will become of Clover then?"
"That isn't the point-"
"Listen to me Asta," Noelle places both of her hands on either of his cheeks, "your life means more than just you now."
Her eyes are filled with sorrow and they plead with him to just understand her words.
"You have a kingdom that needs you, you have a family that needs you, you have a daughter that needs you."
Asta closes his eyes and takes a steadying breath.
"Please if not for me then do it for Vivienne."
The image of his daughter's smiling face floods through his mind.
"She needs her Daddy, please Asta she can't lose you."
"She's why I'm fighting," his voice is small and weak, "I want to make this world a safe and better place for her…I can't just give up on that."
"It's not giving up," Noelle shakes her head, "it's just an alternative method of fighting, remaining on the sidelines and coming up with strategies and tactics is just as honorable as being on the front lines."
Asta looks up at the ceiling, he feels like his heart is breaking. His morals and his ideals are clashing with his need to soothe and protect his family.
"I can't do that Noelle…you know I can't."
Noelle sobs and rests her head on his chest.
"I can't lose you Asta, Vivienne can't lose you!"
He takes her chin and tilts her head up.
"You will not lose me, no matter what happens I will return to you."
"You don't know that."
"I do, nothing is keeping me away from being with you and watching our daughter grow up I swear."
Noelle doesn't seem to believe him, her eyes still pooled with tears.
He sighs and closes his eyes.
"Once this war is over…once we've won and peace comes once more…I will consider it."
Noelle weeps once more and collapses against his shoulder.
"Please Asta."
"You will not lose me Noelle…I promise."
"Please I love you."
"I love you too and that's why you will not lose me."
And Asta knows this to be true.
For even if he did meet his end not even death itself could keep him away from her.
He would face the gods themselves if he had to but one way or another he would find a way back to his family.
Because he loves them more than anything.