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It clicked with just three words, muttered quietly beneath dimmed light and heated erotic movement. What were those three words? 'I love you.'
Something about those words felt right and wrong at once. It felt right, it clicked into place. But where he expected freedom, he felt the air pushed out of his lungs. Leo's breath hitched and pushed his palm against Usagi's shoulder blade. "Wait."
The rabbit opened his eyes dazedly, cognizance gradually flowing into his listless eyes.
"H- Huh? Oh, d- did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, Lee-" The look Usagi made as panic set on his face twisted Leo's heart. He set his hand on the rabbit's elbow, interjecting before he can spiral.
"Oh, no, no no no," Leo put on his best award-winning smile: practised to second nature, "'sagi, don't worry about that-"
He was pulled up to a sitting position with the rabbit, both their feet now dangling off the bed. He breathed easily, but thought back to the visceral reaction of that 'I love you'. Usagi was genuine, Usagi's words were real, but neither of them had ever said that to the other. After all, the basis of their relationship was growing close enough to the point that their bond just preceded friendship, and Leo felt it: he knew it was more than just a friendship. He wanted to let Usagi into his family, but couldn't see the rabbit as another sibling like he did with April. It was... something he couldn't explain, but Usagi brought up the prospect of a romantic relationship... and while an inkling of him wanted to recoil at the sound of it, it was the closest thing to what he felt about the rabbit.
At the time, it seemed like a good idea. Even under the minimal pressure of the moment just being them two, alone on a rooftop sharing pizza and laughing about dumb things they were both obsessed with. Usagi brought it up, and Leo still felt obliged to accept.
It seemed right. It felt inevitable. And his entire family was supportive. It would do all of them some good to have these usual teenage experiences. Especially after all that Shredder business and the whole Krang ordeal and losing an arm because of the latter.
He was lucky, wasn't he?
To be the only one in his family so far to have a relationship. To have someone that wasn't his family. And he was grateful, but it wasn't quite what he expected...
"What's on your mind?" Usagi asked, pulling the turtle out of his spiral.
"You're gonna have to be specific, apart from you there're a hundred other things on my mind," Leo quipped weakly. The rabbit raised an eyebrow, unamused. He flicked the turtle's forehead and watched him recoil and fall back dramatically.
"Leo, I'm serious," Usagi said, remnants of playful exasperation evident on his face, "I need you to be honest with me... If you didn't like the idea of making out, you shouldn't have to force yourself-"
He chuckled, smirking. "Oh, that was the concern? I enjoyed that a little too much~"
"Leo!" The rabbit's ears were raised and stiff, face flustered. Leo could even feel the heat radiating off him.
"Alright, bunny, I'll humour you a little," Leo sighed, nudging his knee against Usagi's. There was no getting around it, not when this particular rabbit had a knack for sensing the turtle's internal strife. Plastic smiles and honey-coated words don't work on him, or at least, they don't work permanently.
"It's maybe, probably, a little bit weird to ask about this now but... what do you feel about me?"
Usagi tilted his head, a shy smile spreading over his lips as he talked, "Well... It's hard to explain, I just... feel it. I just want to spend every waking moment with you, spoil you with ballads and serenades, and make you the safest and happiest boy in the world. It's just something you... feel."
Oh, wow. Leo was about to be the world's biggest jerk, huh?
"Lee, you okay?"
"Yeah, uh... I'm totally- bleughallrightnotfine..." He sighed. Usagi wrapped an arm over his shoulders, pulling him into a side hug.
"Talk to me."
"'I love you.' I say that a lot... to my siblings, to my dad, to my family. And I want you to be a part of that family!"
Leo leaned his head against the rabbit's shoulder, "You brought up a relationship, and... I know I wanted to be more than just friends. I still feel it now! I still love spending time with you, talking to you about everything and nothing, I always want you to get along with my family because I want you in it. And... I also want you to be happy. But... when you said 'I love you' the way you did, I was just... scared."
"How so?" No judgement, as always.
"I felt you meant every word of it, I know you did. You're always so earnest and sincere and honest and would never say something like that if you didn't mean it," Leo hid his face in the puff of Usagi's sleeves, "I'm afraid I wouldn't mean the way you do it if I said it back. That you'd catch on, and it'd ruin everything we had going on."
It might even ruin things now. He should've been honest from the beginning, and if Leo lost Usagi because of this, he wouldn't be surprised. He pushed the thought out of his mind, wearing a plastic smile. Second nature. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted.
"Yeah, I figured as much," Usagi sighed, exasperated but audibly relieved.
"Wha-"
"Come on; the Jupiter Jim marathons where you complain only about the romantic subplots, the gagging noises whenever someone even mentions quote-lovey-and-or-dovey-stuff-end quote, or, like you said, the way you use 'I love you' so casually," Usagi listed off, though there wasn't the slightest hint of malice or anger in his voice, "I never want to assume anything but... I did expect you to have a bit of aversion to this kind of relationship."
Leo dared himself to look up at Usagi. Kind smile: assuring, freeing, safe.
"What I mean to say is... I guess I'm fine with this being a casual kind of relationship; it doesn't have to be romantic- If anything, we don't need labels! Just set your boundaries however you like, and I'll adjust," Usagi assured. He placed a finger over Leo's beak before he could respond.
"And don't feel bad. I love you in the way I do, but it doesn't mean you have to love me back the same way. I don't doubt that you might feel differently about me; all I care about is making you feel safe and happy, and so far you've done a good job and making me feel the same."
Leo wore a watery smile, pressing his face against Usagi's arm in some attempt to hide away his internal frustrations.
"Dorky kappa," the rabbit sighed endearingly. He pushed himself and Leo down against the bed to lie with their sides against the mattress. He was nestled in Usagi's arms, held close and intimately, "Be honest with yourself and me next time, okay?"
"M'k," Leo murmured, moving a little closer to rub against Usagi's cheek. The rabbit laughed, turning his head to plant a light kiss on his beak.
"I love you. Even if it isn't the same love as yours, as long as you're happy, I'm content."
Leo let in a breath. "I love you too."