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It started with Leo.
Or, Leo leaving, really.
Donnie, as the next eldest, became the leader by default. And also, Mikey realized, because he was too scatterbrained and Raph was too rash to lead. Donnie was the best choice among the three of them.
Donnie drowned in the responsibility. Oh, he tried to maintain order and routine. The three of them continued training, continued patrolling. But the three of them didn’t work right without Leo, his absence felt in every move made. It suffocated them. Donnie couldn’t be the leader, keep Raph’s head level, keep Mikey’s brain present, and still invent.
Raph couldn’t handle it anymore, and without Leo to consistently and unwaveringly push back, he stopped showing up to the patrols. He continued having a nocturnal schedule- something that Mikey and Donnie kept up with until they forced themselves to find a way to get income- so everyone knew Raph continued some sort of vigilante business. As long as Raph came home every morning, no one bothered to question it, afraid that he’d up and leave for good.
Donnie and Mikey held out a couple weeks longer, but soon Donnie had enough. Donnie had decided to go home early one day while Mikey continued his patrol; unbeknownst to the youngest, that was the last time the two patrolled together.
And then there was Mikey. Doing solo patrols. Missing his brothers’ laughs and teasing over the rooftops. Although he still cared about fighting crime itself, Mikey also continued it as a way to chase normality.
Of course, as turtle luck would have it, normality wasn’t in the cards.
So it had started with Leo leaving, but the ball had really started rolling when Karai appeared the first time.
Mikey nearly bumped into her as he flipped across another roof. She was alone, but unsurprised. She’d been waiting for him. Somewhere in the back of Mikey’s mind, he noted that this meant Karai must have followed him before, to know his route. He’d worry about that later. His first concern was why she was waiting for him.
“Uh, hey,” Mikey stammered, even as he fell into a defensive position. He eyed the shadows for Foot ninja. He saw none. That didn’t mean they weren’t there. “Can we skip to the part where I kick your ass and I can go home and brag about it?”
Karai raised an unamused eyebrow. “I am not so easily taken down, as I am sure you remember.”
Mikey grinned. “Well, neither am I.” When Karai didn’t respond, his grin faded. “So what’s with this super-secret meeting we’re having? Where’s the rest of your creepy cult?” The Foot had been quiet- as far as the turtles could tell, anyway- since Shredder’s death.
“I wished to discuss something with you.”
Mikey dug around in his brain but couldn’t figure out what she could mean. Best to take the ‘discuss’ with a grain of salt. Karai might be setting up a trap as they spoke. “Okay, I’m listening.” To her and also for any signs of ninja sneaking up on him. So far, he was in the clear. Something was different. Karai wasn’t unreasonable; she and Leo had met and talked on multiple occasions, although they often ended up fighting anyway. But Karai had never sought out any of the other turtles before.
“You turtles have been disorganized lately,” Karai notes. “And I have not seen Leonardo in weeks. Is he well?”
Ah. That answered it. She was digging for information and thought Mikey was the easiest one to get it from. Well, Mikey was no fool. “What’s it matter to ya? We’re not exactly friends, here.”
“You turtles fight with honor,” Karai answered. “I respect that. And it is due to this honor that when Leonardo falls, it will be to my sword, and no one else’s.”
Okay. Creepy. But despite her words, Karai did genuinely seem to care about Leo’s wellbeing. Too bad Mikey refused to tell her Leo was out of town. She’d probably use the knowledge to launch an attack, one that the remaining brothers wouldn’t be able to strategize and cohesively defend against.
Silence, still. Mikey should leave. But a part of him really didn’t mind talking with Karai. She was more level-headed and kind than Shredder, less likely to stab without provocation. And, well, ever since Leo had left, there hadn’t been a lot of conversations at home that didn’t end in arguing or a slammed door in his face.
“You have a non-traditional fighting style. I admire that.” Mikey blinked. Did Karai just compliment him? Red flag. “If you should so wish, there is a place with the Foot for you. You would bring a different perspective to our cause.” Make that many red flags. And a siren.
“Uh, no way,” Mikey stammered, pulse skyrocketing. Why did Karai suddenly have an interest in him? He was the funny one, the immature one, the dumb one; he should be on no bad guy’s radar for potential recruits. Mikey took several wary steps away just in case this ended up being a trap, after all. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m good. I have my brothers, and no offense but the Foot are not exactly good guys.”
“According to who?” Karai asked calmly. Did anything ever phase her? “Your master?”
Mikey narrowed his eyes. “How about according to the bunch o’ scars my bros and I have from fighting you guys?”
“Such as will happen during a battle,” Karai conceded with a slight nod. “You have given us many scars as well.” A pause. “But we do not have to be enemies, Michelangelo. Perhaps one day I can share with you what it means to be part of the Foot Clan.”
“You mean turn me against my brothers? Hard pass.”
“No. Introduce you to a different way of life, one not clouded by an angry rat’s judgment.”
Mikey turned. He’d humored Karai long enough; he wouldn’t stick around to listen to slander against his father.
“We could be good for each other,” Karai said as he poised to jump to the next roof. “Your perspective in fighting, your unpredictability, your empathy mixed with the Foot Clan’s perspective of honor and justice.” Mikey’s jaw tensed. In her dreams. “Think about it.”
Mikey made his leap. Karai didn’t follow.
A couple weeks passed by uneventfully. Mikey used patrolling as an excuse as to why he went topside so often, but it was more of a way to get away from everything.
He didn’t hate his family. He was just- he shuddered to acknowledge it- growing up. Mikey felt smothered. Three teenagers and their father living underground without any real possibility of moving out and having their own spaces. Mikey knew it was too dangerous to live separately like that, and he knew he’d miss his family terribly. But growing boys living in a small space would get to anyone.
Mikey wanted his own freedom, wanted the chance to grow and be ‘Mikey-the-person’ not just ‘Mikey-the-youngest-brother, Mikey-the-annoying-brother, Mikey-the-funny-brother.’ Humans had the chance to explore and grow. Mikey felt that, at the ripe old age of seventeen, he’d already stagnated.
It was probably in part due to this that Mikey became more and more frustrated with his situation and with his remaining family. He loved them, and he loved being the comedic little brother, but that wasn’t all he was. But the more he heard Raph call him scatterbrained or lazy or a knucklehead, the more Donnie pushed Mikey away, the more his father dismissed Mikey’s feelings as short-term discomfort rather than a long-term problem…
Mikey knew they didn’t mean it, knew that Raph and Donnie were just being the annoying older brothers to his annoying younger brother, knew his father was trying his best without his eldest son to help mediate. But it began to wear him down. The compliments or fun times hanging out together became rare, and soon Mikey doubted they loved him as much as they used to. Love him at all? Absolutely, Mikey would never doubt that. Love him enough? Mikey wasn’t sure anymore.
Was this really what the rest of his life looked like?
Tension between brothers as they emotionally grew apart but, ultimately, were stuck together? Brothers who didn’t truly understand each other like they had when they were children? A father unsure how to properly parent his sons while missing his first?
Mikey stuck in a family he wasn’t sure if he belonged in anymore?
Stuck in an endless rivalry with the Foot that Mikey didn’t actually want to be a part of?
Mikey hated that last thought, but ever since talking with Karai, it had been popping up more and more. To a point, she was right. Mikey and his brothers wouldn’t have ever been involved with the Foot without their father’s influence. Or, if they had been, it wouldn’t have defined much of their teen years.
Had his father ever wanted sons? Or had he wanted soldiers?
Mikey shoved the idea away. Karai had planted the seed in his head, but that didn’t mean he had to nurture it. He could just let it die.
Mikey had always been curious, though. What was the Foot like from Karai’s perspective? How could she possibly sell him on their wrongdoings? Was there really more to the Foot?
Mikey had always been fair and empathetic, too. He’d gotten the story of the Shredder and the evil Foot Clan from his father. Maybe, just to make it fair, he should get the story from Karai, as well. Even if it was just propagandic lies, at least Mikey would have both sides of the story. He could comfortably maintain his position on his team, but this time because of an informed decision rather than a half-truth.
It was with these thoughts plaguing his mind- doubt, frustration, refusal to accept that this was all that life would let him have- that Mikey found himself wandering the area Karai had confronted him on last time.
It wasn’t intentional.
He thought.
Karai was already there when he’d arrived. Mikey hated how that meant she’d been watching him again. “Have you come to your senses?”
“I won’t betray my brothers,” Mikey retorted harshly, fists clenching. Why had he come here? What had he expected? Answers? This had been stupid. Still, he stayed.
“Not everything is about your family,” Karai replied coolly, eyebrow raised.
“And yet you’ve been targeting me.”
“I would not say that.” Karai stared pensively at Mikey. The turtle shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. “I see a lost soul. Someone who’s unappreciated.”
“I’m appreciated,” Mikey snapped, just a bit too quickly. “Nice try, though.” His family loved him, he knew this, but that didn’t mean they were perfect. He wasn’t perfect, either. Still, the doubt he’d been pushing to the side the past few weeks rushed to the forefront of his mind. When was the last time his family had sat down and talked? Had a meal together? Trained, goofed off, hung out? Not since shortly after Leo was shipped off.
“Underappreciated, then,” Karai corrected herself. “Not utilized to your full potential. We can give that to you. I can give you the chance to expand and grow into your full self, whereas your family hinders your progress.”
“They don’t hinder me!”
Karai tilted her head, a pitying smile on her face. “How many times are you the backup, not the frontrunner? How many times have you been the distraction? You can do these things, of course, but all of the time?” Mikey looked away. Memories of him asking to lead the way in one fight or another flashed in his mind’s eye. He’d been shrugged off, laughed at, seen as a joke by his family. He wasn’t quiet enough, serious enough. Good enough. He’d stopped asking to change the status quo years ago. “Don’t you wish you could take charge sometimes? Don’t you wish to be taken more seriously?”
It was like she’d read his mind. Mikey hoped she couldn’t actually do that. “We all have our strengths and weaknesses,” Mikey recalled his father’s words. “It’s why we make a good team.” And to a point, he agreed. Why change what wasn’t broken? Still. It would be nice to be taken seriously sometimes. To not just be a joke.
“Then why do they not use your strengths to your advantage? Why do they scold you for your unpredictable nature even when that’s what has won you the battle time and again?” Mikey didn’t have an answer. He felt himself wavering. “With us, you can be more.”
Mikey looked down at his fidgeting hands. Could he really turn his back on everything he’d ever known? And for an evil ninja cult, nonetheless.
He couldn’t.
“How about a trial run?” Karai’s voice cut through the air.
Mikey lifted his head to meet her eyes. She’d been genuine and kind, very much not what Mikey had expected her to be like after the Shredder’s death. There was more to her than how she appeared. Like Mikey. One just had to dig beneath the surface a bit to see it. Perhaps the Foot also wasn’t quite how they appeared, either.
“You can shadow a few of my ninja. See for yourself that we are an honorable clan.”
Just a peek wouldn’t hurt, would it?
“We protect this city just as you do. Our methods are more precise and effective than yours. Would you like to see?”
Mikey hesitated. In the end, curiosity won. “Show me.”
Third time’s the charm, Mikey snarked in his mind after a particularly bad day.
This time, Mikey found himself on that same rooftop first. He didn’t even have a guarantee that Karai would show up that night, but he was so angry and desperate that he’d take the chance.
Lo and behold, Karai showed up.
“You still hesitate. Why?” Karai’s soft voice jolted Mikey out of his thoughts.
Mikey crossed his arms, guilt written all over his face. “They’re still my brothers. I won’t fight them.”
“You won’t have to.”
“And I’m not telling you where we live.”
“I have no wish to know this.” Mikey blinked, surprised. Karai raised an eyebrow. “If we want a confrontation with your brothers, we make one out in the city. They will come running. But we will be there first and have the advantage. Why would we risk going into enemy territory?”
Mikey processed this information, nodding slowly. “I don’t want to hurt innocent people.”
“The Foot Clan are no longer under the leadership of the Shredder,” Karai reminded him. “We operate differently now.”
Mikey wasn’t sure if that was a lie or not, but it wasn’t as though the Foot had been active ever since Shredder’s death. Or, at least, not that he’d seen.
He paused. Last chance to back out. But his mind flashed to his growing frustration and his need to be something more, to explore what made him Mikey, and here Karai was, offering that to him on a silver platter.
“Okay.” He uncrossed his arms and, finally, looked Karai in the eye. “I’m in.” He shuffled his feet. “So, uh, do I need to live in your super secret evil lair or something?”
Karai huffed a laugh. “No, Michelangelo. I have a different mission in mind for you.”
And that was how Mikey found himself still living in the sewers with his remaining family, passing along any pertinent information to Karai as she made preparations for… something. Routes Raph or Donnie or April or Casey might make, times when they tend to be asleep, how a few of Donnie’s old inventions worked; all of these were given to Karai.
It wasn’t until several months later that Mikey discovered what, exactly, Karai was up to.
“The Shredder?!” Mikey yelled incredulously, arms spread wide in disbelief. “Karai, I don’t know if you noticed, but he’s dead. Like, pretty sure he was crushed into itty-bitty pieces dead. What do you mean you’re going to revive him? How does that even work?!”
“Come see for yourself.”
Mikey shook his head rapidly. “Nuh-uh, no way. I want nothing to do with Zombie Shredder.”
Karai tilted her head. “Not everything is as it appears, Michelangelo.”
What did that even mean? Had Shredder even really died, and ‘revive’ was figurative? Had it all been a trick, somehow? It made Mikey’s head spin. But, okay. If Shredder was alive, or if Karai had some crazy out-of-this-world plan to bring him back to life, then Mikey had a more pressing issue. “I agreed to join the Foot to follow your leadership, not his.”
“Everything we do is because of him,” Karai corrected gently. Mikey frowned. “He started us on this path. Nothing has changed.”
Mikey disagreed. “You’re willing to listen to others. You gave me a chance. Shredder didn’t- doesn’t- won’t-” Mikey huffed. “You know what I mean.”
Karai shook her head. “Master Shredder saw the potential in you- in all of you- as well. But he knew he would never gain your favor.”
Mikey couldn’t argue with that. Still… “You expect me to believe he’s going to be all gung-ho about a turtle in his Clan? Maybe he saw potential in us. Maybe. But the last time we saw each other we were enemies.”
“We were enemies once, you and I.” Karai placed a hand on Mikey’s shoulder. “Now look at us. Allies. Friends, even. Master Shredder is not the unreasonable man you believe him to be. Give him a chance, and he will give you one.”
“I’m still not sure about him,” Mikey hesitated. “Like I said- I follow you.”
“And I follow him. Does that not say something about our nature?” Karai gestured for Mikey to follow. “Come. We have much to discuss.”
And discuss they did.
Karai showed him all the good that the Foot Clan had done while under Shredder’s rule. Keeping Foot ninja and their families safe from gangs. Silently controlling rivaling gangs so they knew exactly what New York City’s underbelly was up to, and could then act accordingly. Controlling more corrupt, powerful, greedy people.
Mikey was no idiot; he knew Karai only showed him the good things the Shredder had done. He knew firsthand that the Shredder was not a man to be trifled with, ruthless and cutthroat. He knew that innocent people got caught in the crossfire.
But over time, the more Karai spoke to him about his concerns, about what the Shredder could do once revived, Mikey came to see more positives than negatives. Of course Shredder had to be ruthless; how else would he be a feared puppetmaster? Mikey and his brothers had only gotten involved because Shredder and Splinter had history. Well, maybe it was time to step aside and let those two fight their own battles.
Another year passed, and then things changed again. Leo came back. The whole fiasco with Winters happened. Mikey pretended that he didn’t know every single Foot soldier he came across, pulling his punches where he could. He waited on bated breath for the eventual shoe to drop, now that things were slowly going back to how they used to be all those years ago.
He knew his secrecy wouldn’t last much longer. Raph and Donnie had both been distracted. Leo was not so easily swayed.
Leo living in a jungle for two years had taught him how to be even quieter on his feet than Mikey remembered, and so it was with resignation and a sinking heart and shaking hands that Mikey met his oldest brother’s face of betrayal one night. Mikey had been followed; Leo had witnessed Mikey speak casually with the Foot, had heard Karai commend him for completing his most recent orders.
“Get away from him,” Leo hissed to Karai. Then, without looking away from her, said, “Mikey. Come here.”
Mikey just stared at Leo, deer caught in headlights. Karai placed a hand on his shoulder. “See how he orders you not like a teammate or a brother, but like a dog?” Mikey had had no intentions of leaving the Foot, but he’d been dreading this moment for years and had hesitated. Karai’s words left him nodding, sealing off the fear and dread and sadness.
Leo, for his part, looked two parts angry, one part confused. “I won’t ask again.”
“That was asking?” Mikey asked, grinning shakily.
“Michelangelo,” Karai gained his attention once more. “Let us not dawdle. Any words we say, your brother will not listen.”
Mikey silently mourned the loss of his comic book collection and the familiarity of the sewers. Now that he’d been caught, there was no way he’d be able to return to his childhood home. His family would never let him leave.
“Sounds like you’re the one treating him like a dog,” Leo snapped, eyes still firmly trained on Karai.
Mikey clenched his fists. “Dude, you can’t even look at me?” He saw Leo’s eyes glance towards him, but ultimately they settled once more on the current Foot Clan leader. Mikey sighed. “Whatever.” He slipped his mask off of his head. Orange hadn’t really been his color in a while, anyway.
Leo inhaled sharply as the mask fell to the ground. “Wait, what are you doing?” Mikey turned to follow Karai. “Mikey, stop! What does she have over you? Whatever it is, we can help!”
Typical. Leo only paid attention when he lost control of one of his pawns. Mikey pushed that thought down, guilty. He shouldn’t think that of his brother.
“Mikey!”
With one last look back at his brother, Mikey shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry, Leo.” And he really was. He’d betrayed his brothers, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still love them. “But I haven’t been part of the family in years.”
Through the smoke that Karai released and over the near-silent pattering of running feet, Mikey heard Leo yell: “What does that mean?! Mikey, wait!”
The real thing was so much worse than what he’d dreamt. He’d expected yelling. Anger. A fistfight. Not Leo pleading of all things. Leo doesn’t do that.
Apparently, for Mikey, he does.
Leo must have told their family and friends, for their activity picked up all over the city the following few weeks. More and more Foot soldiers returned to base with injuries growing in severity. Foot soldiers who Mikey had befriended.
He couldn’t sit back and let his friends get hurt anymore.
He knew Leo’s patrol routes- well, everyone’s patrol routes, really. They’d gone back to their old patterns from before Leo had left, and apparently even though one of their own was a traitor, they didn’t bother to switch up the routes. The thought bothered Mikey. Did they not see him as a threat, that they kept the patterns he knew? Did they not believe him?
Or maybe, Mikey realized as he cornered Leo on a secluded rooftop, perhaps they’d hoped he’d find them.
The silence thickened the air between them. Leo looked tired, his katana weighing down his arms. When Leo saw Mikey, he visibly drooped in relief. As he returned his weapons to their sheaths, Leo eyed Mikey from head to toe; Mikey allowed the observation, knowing his unhurt status would relax Leo a bit, and maybe even work in the younger turtle’s favor in the upcoming conversation. Mikey cringed a bit with a sheepish smile when Leo’s gaze stuck to the black mask. Maybe he should have removed it before confronting his brother. Oh, well. Too late now.
Neither of them seemed to know what to say. The awkward tension finally got to be too much for Mikey. He raised a hand in a halfhearted wave. “‘Sup.”
And just like that, the spell was broken. No longer frozen, Leo stepped forward, arms reaching. Mikey took several quick steps back, knowing if he allowed any hugs, any weight on his shoulders, that he’d crumble. He’d really rather not do that, thanks. He placed his hands on his nunchucks in defense, just in case Leo decided to escalate from an attempted hug to an attempted knock-out and subsequent kidnapping.
Leo faltered. Devastation painted his face. Mikey hated that he’d been the artist to create it. “They really did get to you,” Leo said hoarsely, so unlike himself that Mikey had to resist the urge to flee towards familiarity. “I’d hoped-”
“What?” Mikey interrupted, hoping to skip the ‘you’re not like this’ speech and pleas. “That I was shackled to Karai? Couldn’t think for myself, make my own decisions?” Stop it, stop it, this wasn’t how he’d wanted this to go at all.
“Your own decisions,” Leo parroted, skepticism coating his voice. He worked his jaw. Mikey had thrown him for a loop. Leo should have expected that; Mikey had always been unpredictable. Shame the eldest brother had forgotten. “Why don’t we get back to the lair and discuss these decisions.”
Mikey crossed his arms, mouth downturned. “Nice try, bro. Get me into enemy territory so you have the advantage? So that I can’t leave? Don’t think so.” Maybe he should spend a little less time with Karai. He heard his tone and his word choice too late; he sounded a little too much like her.
Leo had noticed, too, tensing up in dissatisfaction. Or was it fear? “Enemy territory- what?” Leo’s eyes searched Mikey’s. Mikey wondered what he was looking for. “That’s our home. Your home. ”
Mikey let his arms fall to his sides. He really hadn’t meant to be so defensive. Obviously, this whole situation was difficult for Leo to wrap his head around. Mikey should be more mindful. “Look. I only wanted to show you that I’m okay. That I’m not, like, mind controlled or whatever you think is going on. I’ve chosen a different path for myself.” He struggled to keep his tone light and even rather than the cutting bite that wanted to slip through. “So stop mutilating my friends, would ya?”
“The Foot aren’t your friends.” Unfortunately, it appeared that Mikey had only succeeded in stressing Leo out more. The blue-banded turtle was going to get worry lines at this rate. “They’ve hurt you, Mike. Real bad. Karai has twisted your mind, poisoned you against us. Why are you letting her?”
This conversation wasn’t going at all as planned. Time to dip.
Or maybe not.
The soft thud of another person landing on the rooftop caught his ears. Mikey immediately twisted so he could keep both Leo and the newcomer in his line of sight. He refused to be boxed in.
He needed to think quickly, then, as two of his brothers had already arrived and he knew the third would be on his way.
Mikey huffed a laugh, more self-deprecating than anything. He’d allowed himself to get sidetracked. “Didn’t think distraction would be your strategy,” he told Leo. “That was always, well, that was always my thing.” Then, to the other brother standing stiffly to the left: “Hey, Raph.”
“Hey?” Raph grunted, fists tight and teeth bared. Mikey wasn’t shaken; fear and heartbreak and determination were all written in Raph’s eyes. He never was good at masking his emotions. “You run off and join the Foot, and all you say is ‘hey’?!”
Mikey began backing up towards the edge of the roof. “Listen, dudes, I’d love to stick around, but I know a trap when I see one. I’m not stupid enough to hang around for Donnie to show up. Tell him I said ‘hi’ though?”
“You’re just going to run away like a coward, is that it?” Raph snapped. Mikey ignored him, guilt weighing down his heart and tongue. “That’s not like you at all. You’re not afraid of danger; you laugh at it. So what happened to you that’s made you like this? That makes you want to run from your own brothers?” Oh, there’s the voice crack, and the attempt to cover it up by trying to steamroll Mikey.
“You’re the ones ganging up on me,” Mikey retorted. He focused on Leo, who seemed content to allow Raph to be the one to speak. “I never knew you to be the one to let Raph lead a conversation. Cat got your tongue? You had so much to say before.” Why was he lashing out, he wasn’t a cornered animal, he had an escape route behind him- Then why was he still here, why didn’t he run before it was too late-
“Don’t do that,” Leo snapped harshly. To Mikey’s surprise, Raph was now the one to stay quiet. Normally they would talk over each other, try to get the final word in, want to be the one to say the right thing, the best thing. “Don’t try to pit me and Raph against each other.”
“She really did a number on ya, didn’t she,” Raph muttered lowly.
Mikey chose to ignore Raph, although he did allow himself an eyeroll. “It’s honestly not that hard to do,” he replied to Leo. “Seriously. Did you know that, like, every Foot ninja has witnessed at least one of your arguments? You guys aren’t subtle.”
“You’re not very subtle, yourself, Mikey,” a new voice entered the chat. “I could hear you a block away.”
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit. He’d thought there’d be more time. Then again, he’d let himself get dragged into the conversation. He just… He didn’t want to leave without his brothers understanding that he was fine. They deserved that much from him, after everything.
Mikey was only a few feet away from the roof’s edge behind him, but that few feet contained a new obstacle: Donnie.
“Pretty sure you’re exaggerating, Donnie,” Mikey said lightly. He tried to shift to keep all his brothers in focus; they adjusted their locations to keep him in the center. Fuck. “Not that this isn’t fun and all, but I’ve said what I came to say, so I’ll just be leaving now-”
“Please.” Just that one word, just hearing Donnie behind him sounding so grief-stricken, and Mikey fell silent. “Come home.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?” Leo took the lead again. “Did she threaten you? Threaten us?”
“We can take her,” Raph butt in. “She’s got nothing on us.”
Mikey resisted the urge to wave his hands in negation, worried his brothers may mistake it for an attack. He settled for crossing his arms to subtly squeeze his biceps, instead. “It’s not like that!”
“Is our home compromised?” Donnie continued the interrogation. Mikey wanted to cry and scream all at once. This wasn’t the plan. No one else was supposed to be here, and now they were ganging up on him and trying to make him doubt himself.
“Did you tell them where we live?” Raph asked harshly, more out of surprise than anger.
“What? No! It wasn’t necessary, and I wouldn’t have told Karai, anyway.” Probably. Mikey really wasn’t sure what he’d do if Karai asked for that information.
“But you’ve given her information,” Leo read between the lines.
“I-” Mikey faltered. He couldn’t bring himself to lie, not with Leo’s grim tone and Raph’s incredulous look, and hell, Mikey could feel Donnie’s judgemental stare on his shell. His hesitation was an answer in and of itself, anyway. Mikey took a breath to steel himself and met Leo’s eye. He regretted hurting his brothers, but he didn’t regret helping Karai, either. “Yes.”
“God, what have they done to you,” Donnie’s hushed horror washed over Mikey’s shoulder.
Mikey was getting real tired of not being heard. “Nothing! They’ve done nothing but be kind and welcome me with open arms!” He jerked his head at Leo. “When you left, things fell apart. I needed you, I needed all of you, but…” Mikey trailed off at Leo’s stricken expression. He switched over to watching Raph, instead, who was grinding his teeth. “I needed a place to belong, and they gave me one.”
“The Foot?” Raph asked, incredulous. “You think you belong with the Foot?” He shook his head. “I never really meant it when I always said you had a few screws loose, but now-”
“They sought you out in a time you felt vulnerable,” Donnie surmised to say. Mikey hated that he wasn’t entirely wrong. “They took you in. Made you feel like you were part of something. Am I on the right track, here?”
Mikey shot Donnie a glare over his shoulder, but didn’t turn to face him completely. Of his three brothers, Mikey knew Donnie’s fighting style the best, as they’d been sparring partners the most often while growing up. Leo and Raph were more difficult opponents; Mikey would rather turn his back on the brother he knew best.
“I know what you’re trying to say,” Mikey replied. “But you’re way off, dude. Karai hasn’t tricked me or controlled me or anything.” He turned his head back forward, alternating his gaze between Raph and Leo. “I know what I’ve done. And I know what I’m doing.” Your baby brother willingly betrayed you, Mikey didn’t say. He felt that would just be rubbing salt in the wound.
“No,” Leo denies firmly. “I know my brothers, and I know you. And I know none of you would ever betray our family.”
Mikey grinned apologetically. “Guess you don’t know me as well as you think.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Well, better believe it, bro, because when Master Shredder-”
“‘Mast-’ Listen to yourself!” Leo gaped at his youngest brother, who refused to budge despite the growing horror that he’d just made a terrible mistake. Leo stepped forward. Mikey stepped back, only to bump into Donnie. Mikey hurriedly twisted away, now placing Raph behind him. Raph, who was spluttering curses. Shit. Mikey had fucked up real bad. “He’s not your master! He tried to kill us. He tried to kill you.”
“But Shredder’s dead,” Donnie finally voiced what Mikey had feared. He searched Mikey’s face as though it held all the answers. Mikey tried to keep it blank, but he knew his shaking eyes had always been a tell. “So why did you speak as though he’s not?”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say,” Mikey responded weakly.
“What did you get yourself into, Mikey?” Raph asked, much closer than what Mikey was expecting. His maneuverability was rapidly deteriorating.
Mikey hadn’t wanted to involve the Foot, but it seemed like he no longer had a choice. Quickly, before his brothers could react, Mikey slipped a finger inside the edge of his elbow pad and pressed his emergency beacon. He’d never been one for subtlety. His brothers pounced, grabbing his arms and searching the elbow pads. Raph was the one to find the blinking cylinder; he crushed it beneath his foot. No matter; the nearest Foot ninja had his latest location. And Mikey knew they weren’t that far. It was one of the reasons he’d picked this specific rooftop to confront Leo on.
“This isn’t who you are,” Donnie stated factually. Mikey pressed his lips together. “Karai’s manipulated you. It isn’t like you to run from us, or to call Shredder ‘master,’ or to do the Foot’s bidding. You hate the violence they bring to the city. Don’t you find it odd that you’re suddenly okay with that? That you would side with people you’ve fought against for years?” Donnie’s words made sense, but Karai’s did, too. Mikey didn’t bother arguing, though. Backup would arrive soon. “Listen to reason. Mikey, please.”
And for a moment, Mikey considered it, going back to the lair and crying and apologizing, as he faced his brothers who all had varying degrees of fear and concern and love on their faces, all of them ready to fight for him-
But he knew he couldn’t, that he’d already changed too much from the brother they’d known, that he’d strayed too far to ever be brought back.
The Foot ninja arrived and freed Mikey from his box. He ran the first chance he got, ignoring his brothers’ cries in the distance.
He’d known that slip of the tongue would come back to bite him. On the day of the resurrection ceremony a mere three weeks later, his brothers barged in and almost succeeded in destroying what the Foot had worked for. Instead, they found themselves outnumbered and restrained, not realizing that more than just the elites would be present for the ceremony.
Instead, they found themselves bearing witness to the return of the head of the Foot Clan. Mikey and Karai, as well as all the other non-preoccupied Foot ninja, knelt before their Master.
Mikey could hear his brothers shout from their places - “Get up!” “Don’t bow to him! ” “Think about what you’re doing!” - but he remained prostrate before the very powerful, very dangerous man he served.
But just as he should have known his brothers would find out about the ceremony, Mikey should have expected them to have their own backup this time around. He barely blinked before the room was suddenly in chaos. He briefly caught sight of his father, of Casey, of April, before realizing too late his brothers had freed themselves. By the time he’d noticed, a sharp elbow to the head had disoriented him, and another hand poked at a pressure point.
Mikey saw a blur of blue before consciousness was ripped from him.
Mikey knew he’d wake up in restraints. He also knew his brothers would tie them so he couldn’t get loose. He tested them anyway, unwittingly alerting his present captor to his conscious state.
“Mikey! You’re awake!” Donnie stood, hovered over Mikey. “Do you want some water? Or maybe ice chips would be better so you don’t choke-”
Mikey huffed a laugh. “You playing good cop, Don? Guess that makes Raph bad cop, then. Unless you switch it up. I bet Leo could play bad cop if he really wanted to.”
Donnie’s face fell. Mikey regretted his harsh reaction, but it was still justified. He’d just been kidnapped. He was allowed to be upset.
“Okay, this was to be expected after our…last encounter,” Donnie said, moreso to himself than to Mikey. Donnie took a deep breath. Mikey watched as his older brother visibly attempted to portray a calm and soothing demeanor. It just felt demeaning, instead. “Mikey. You’re here, at home, because we care about you. We love you and we want what’s best for you.”
Mikey held back his snickers. “Dude, you sound like you’re reciting from a manual. You can just talk to me, you know. I’m still Mikey. And maybe you could let me go while you’re at it.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.” For his part, Donnie did look regretful. “You’ve been brainwashed. I know you can’t see it, but we can help you.”
“I already told you guys-”
“That you weren’t tricked, yes, I remember,” Donnie’s mouth twisted in distaste. “And I know that you wholeheartedly believe that. I know that it looks that way to you. But Karai has had time to get in your head.” Donnie finally noticed his shaking hands; he placed them behind his back. Mikey wasn’t fooled for a second. “Brainwashing is subtle. You don’t feel different because these changes took place over a period of time. She lied to you and used you.”
Mikey shook his head because Donnie didn’t have the full story, didn’t know that Mikey had gone to Karai, that he’d willingly helped the Foot without any need for manipulation tactics. Karai could have conditioned him to kill but she hadn’t. She could have made him cold and stern, a shadow of his true self, but she hadn’t. He was still their brother, just not one his family could be proud of.
“She did,” Donnie’s tense voice cut off whatever Mikey could have replied with. “You’re hostile towards us, you gave intel to the enemy, you’re not like this.” Mikey wished Donnie would stop begging. It only made his heart hurt, knowing he could never join his family’s team again.
“You don’t know me,” Mikey said gently, quietly. He grinned sadly. “I don’t think you guys ever really did.”
Donnie reached over to firmly grip one of Mikey’s arms. “And you think Karai knows you?” Mikey had to look away from Donnie’s piercing gaze. Karai knew him well, Mikey recognized. But he knew his brother wouldn’t appreciate yet another argument in her favor. His brothers were all blind to what was in front of them.
“When will you let me out?” Mikey asked the wall, gently tugging on the restraints.
“Will you run back to the Foot?” Mikey couldn’t bring himself to lie. Donnie was too smart to believe it, anyway. “Please don’t. Stay here, with us. Your family.” The hand on his arm starts gently rubbing his shoulder. Mikey hated it. He didn’t want Donnie to stop. “We care about you. So, so much. Let us help you.”
“I don’t need help.”
Raph’s footsteps thundered towards the room, cutting off their conversation. Mikey winced in preparation. Donnie sent an apologetic smile his way, although it definitely came across as more of a grimace.
“Is he awake?” Raph called through the door, although Mikey didn’t know why he bothered since seconds later it burst open. Donnie sighed in agitation. Mikey heard Leo’s voice echoing in the lair, as well, but Raph’s aggressive demeanor held all of Mikey’s attention. He braced himself as Raph jabbed a finger at him. “Good. Got a question for ya.”
“Not now,” Donnie said, the hypocrite, as though he hadn’t just been interrogating Mikey moments before.
Leo barged into the room as well, but Raph spoke quickly, ignoring his older brothers. “How long?” he demanded. “How long have you been working for Karai right under our noses?”
“Raph,” Leo hissed, but made no further attempts to silence him.
“No, Leo, we deserve to know.” It was only due to growing up together that Mikey could hear the underlying tones of hurt and stress. Even the thick anger was more protective of the youngest than at him.
“Guys, maybe this isn’t the best time,” Donnie tried to interject.
Leo faced Mikey, hesitant even beneath his sturdy exterior. “You said, that first time I saw you- You said it had been years. Is that true?” Leo shifted. “Or were you just trying to get a rise out of me?”
“Years?” Donnie gaped. Mikey could see Donnie’s mind whirring, desperately trying to put the pieces together as to when, exactly, Mikey had turned traitor. It wasn’t exactly a hard guess. They’d clearly come to a conclusion before their rooftop confrontation, and Mikey had all but confirmed it. “No, that’s- we would have noticed- You were exaggerating, right?”
Mikey didn’t get a chance to answer. “It was sometime after Leo left, right?” Raph stated harshly, brow furrowed as he also started forming the picture. “Maybe in the last year? Had to be before the Winters shit.”
“Unless that’s when Karai reached out,” Leo countered.
“I thought we’d established it had to be a few months at the very least,” Donnie disagreed. “Brainwashing doesn’t happen overnight. And to this extent?” He gestured to Mikey. “That takes time.”
Mikey’s eye twitched. “You guys remember I’m still here, right? You can literally just ask me.”
“I did. You didn’t answer.” Raph replied gruffly.
“I didn’t have a chance to!” Mikey never had this issue with the Foot. Being talked over. Being ignored. He could usually brush it off, but in his time away from the lair, he’d forgotten just how irritating it was.
“Okay, then let me ask again.” Raph stepped closer to the bed Mikey was still tied to, looming over the youngest turtle. Mikey resisted the urge to test the restraints again. He hated how vulnerable he felt, hated how his brothers all towered over him while he lay defenseless. “How long have you been under Karai’s thumb?”
“I’m not under Karai’s-” Mikey cut himself off as Raph’s eye twitched. “A little under two years.”
“Two years? No wonder your head’s all screwed up.” Despite the harsh words, the answer had rattled Raph.
“Almost two years,” Mikey corrected weakly, as though it made a difference. As though his brothers’ opinion of him mattered. He didn’t want them to think he betrayed them the instant Leo was out of the picture. He didn’t want them to think he joined the Foot on an angsty teenager’s whim.
“Two years.” Donnie sounded horrified. Mikey wondered if Donnie was capable of any other reaction to his betrayal, or if horror was the only thing the purple-banded turtle would allow himself to show. “That’s…No wonder the brainwashing is so deep. And with none of us the wiser…”
“We’ll break the conditioning,” Leo assured.
Mikey felt something snap. “There’s nothing to break.”
Mikey hated how his voice tinged a little bit too close to desperation. He took several deep breaths, hardened his mind and heart as he’d learned to do with the Foot. Pleading wouldn’t get him anywhere. He’d known this for years; it was why he’d dreaded the eventual discovery of his secret life. His brothers would never hear him out, would never believe him. They saw Mikey as a broken marionette with Karai pulling his strings. He couldn’t allow his love for his family blind him to reality.
“Snap out of it!” Raph shouted, voice raw. Mikey could have sworn there were tears in his eyes, but that couldn’t be right. Raph hadn’t cried since they were tots. “She manipulated you, she broke you. We’re your family, not her, not the Foot, and definitely not Shredder!”
“I’m not broken!” Mikey yelled back, startling all of his brothers. “I thought that you of all people would understand, Raph. You were the Nightwatcher, fighting crime by your own moral code. What makes your sense of justice any different from ours? At least we fight with honor. You just like bashing heads in.”
Mikey hated how all of his brothers stared at him as though he was a stranger. He supposed he was now.
“You sound just like her,” Raph muttered, turning away. Without warning, he slammed his palm against the wall before storming out of the room.
“Come on,” Leo said to Donnie. “Let’s leave Mikey be for now.” Let him stew on his words, Mikey interpreted. Like a child grounded for misbehaving.
Donnie hesitated. “Is that such a good idea? To leave him alone?”
Mikey grinned. “C’mon, Don, what am I gonna do? I’m all tied up with nowhere to go.” Leave. Don’t leave. Mikey no longer had a say in anything the brothers did. It didn’t matter anymore.
Leo glanced over at Mikey briefly but, just like that first night, couldn’t bear to meet the youngest turtle’s eyes for more than a split second. Mikey hated the cowardice. It was everything Leo wasn’t. “Let’s go. He’s not going anywhere.”
Leo left the room first. Donnie stopped at the door for a moment. “We do love you, Mikey,” he whispered.
“I love you guys, too,” Mikey replied sincerely, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. He may have turned his back on his family, but he still loved them deeply. That had never been in question.
Donnie opened his mouth, but ultimately decided against saying anything further. Mikey could have sworn his purple-banded brother started shaking once outside the threshold, but the door closed so quickly he couldn’t be certain. The click of the lock echoed eerily.
Mikey sighed. He regretted hurting his family, but in the end, he had to follow his own beliefs and moral code, even if they didn’t align with his brothers’.
Was this what it felt like when a heart is torn in two? When the mind is split so evenly that it’s nearly impossible to choose between the two sides?
Things had been easier when his brothers hadn’t known he was a Foot ninja.
Things had been even simpler before Leo had left and they were just four brothers fighting crime. Good versus evil.
Heh. Did such a thing really exist?
Mikey cracked his neck. He really wished he’d been able to convince his brothers that he meant no harm. Or at least to let him go. He’d tried. But, well, what happened next would be outside of his control. And really should have been obvious.
They’d removed his belt and weapons. Mikey saw his black mask sitting on a table across the room. He felt naked without his armor. His brothers had clearly gone through it all to check for trackers. They really should have done a thorough search of his person, as well. Mikey knew there was a tracker in the dip of his shell near his shoulder that could be remotely activated. It was only a matter of time before the infiltration of his family’s home began.
Mikey hated that his family was about to get hurt, but he hated being trapped even more. He didn’t belong here anymore. He hadn’t belonged here since he was seventeen.
He considered his brothers’ words. He supposed it was possible that he’d been brainwashed. He’d been young and, as Donnie had pointed out, in a vulnerable place. He’d been targeted from the start; Mikey had noticed that right away.
But he still stood by what he’d said, that he hadn’t been manipulated. His eyes had been opened to a different way of life, one that he thrived in. Mikey didn’t see the point in Karai brainwashing him but not to kill his family. She had been nothing but kind when he’d refused to fight them, to give information that would put them in physical harm, to give up their home. She knew he still loved his family and never told him to do otherwise, never tried to permanently separate him from them. Mikey had continued to live with his family for those two years, after all. He hadn’t been isolated. He’d been trusted, instead.
If he’d truly been brainwashed, then Karai would have had him kill his family. Otherwise, what would be the point of putting so much time and energy in him? No. Mikey was certain his decisions had been his own.
But maybe that was the point? Maybe she’d manipulated him for the long game, to lower his guard and break him apart from his team? To make them weaker against future attacks once the Shredder had been revived?
Mikey's head spun from the circling thoughts. He wasn’t sure what the truth was anymore, nor what path we truly wanted to follow. Both sides wanted him. Both sides had persuasive arguments. He had friends on both sides. He…didn’t really know which side was his anymore.
He didn’t want to hurt his family. That remained true. He agreed with the Foot’s cause. That also remained true.
Two opposing forces in his heart and in his head.
His thoughts looped back around to the tracker under his shell. The invasion would be the deciding factor. Stay and protect his brothers. Blend into the shadows and retreat with the Foot. He just had to wait.
Soon enough, there was smoke and explosions and shouting.
It didn’t take long for the door to his prison to open.
A shadow covered his body as someone entered the room.
Mikey looked up at his savior.