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Disclaimer: I own neither the series nor the characters.
"ROOM WHERE YOU CAN'T LEAVE UNLESS YOU KISS"
Stark X Fern
"Pervert."
"I didn't even say anything."
Stark wanted to cry.
Honestly, the frigid glare on Fern's face would have made anyone cry, from a small child to a grown man. That he hadn't yet, the warrior wanted to chalk up to a newfound resilience. The worst part was how her expression didn't even change. There was just this pressure in her eyes that made any will within him cower.
He had already done his best to smash every wall and ceiling he could hit but the room was either made of insanely hard material or boosted by magic. Meanwhile, Fern had tried magic things but they still both remained stuck.
This meant, logically, that there was only one way to get out which was written on a large banner above the door.
"Pervert."
"I was just looking at the door!"
Stark sighed. He couldn't even blame Fern as the situation looked dire. They were both locked in a room with no food or water so they couldn't afford to wait too long. There was also a single bed, but Fern punched him if he dared to look in that direction.
Maybe, he should just curl up and wait for Fern to figure this out. He had heard from Frieren that the hero party had once gotten out of an impenetrable room in the past so maybe he just had to try harder?
The problem was that the room did not allow too much movement. Even if he moved the bed over, it would be hard to fully swing his axe at full power and maybe it was the same with Fern and her magic.
Once more, he sighed at the hopelessness of the situation.
Meanwhile, the female mage just continued staring at the sulking warrior. Since the two had awoken and found themselves in this position, she had remained relatively calm. However, as time passed and failures continued to pile up, tension started to rise within Fern.
Seeing Stark-sama distracted, Fern did her own quick glance at the instructions above the door. She felt a familiar tight pang that came whenever she was hungry. Only this pain was not from her stomach but from her chest.
Of course, she had dismissed the instructions from the beginning. This was as obvious as a mimic radar spell pointing out a mimic at 99%. No matter how she thought about it, blindly following the instructions seemed like walking into an obvious trap.
However, Fern was nothing but pragmatic. As Frieren-sama had told her, even if the spell said there was a 99& chance of being a mimic, that still meant there was a 1% chance of being real treasure. She knew there was some sort of magic keeping them in, but such magic was beyond Fern and her current companion.
This meant, even If she did not want to, her hand was twisted, and fate colluded that the two were forced to follow such instructions, no matter the risk.
Such things couldn't be helped!
Sadly, it didn't seem like the idea had even flitted across Stark-sama's limited mental capacity. The warrior could be sharp during a battle but not in matters regarding the heart (mainly Fern's). It was awful that he forced her to take the lead but, due to the circumstances, she'd forgive him, just this once.
"Stark-sama, I have an idea." called out Fern, her voice steady. Once more, she had his full attention. Eyes that usually broke into tears narrowed with excited focus.
"Let me hear it."
"…" Fern found herself swallowing any words she was about to say. It shouldn't have been hard to suggest a kiss, especially when their lives could be on the line.
In the back of her mind, the girl knew Stark-sama was a pervert so why hadn't he suggested the same earlier?
Of course, Fern would have objected until her last breath but that didn't mean he had to look disinterested in the idea.
It was unfair of her to think this way but so was the way he made her feel.
…did he not want to kiss her?
The gnawing in her chest intensified and Fern found herself reaching for the bracelet that was wrapped around her wrist.
"Fern?" Stark-sama tilted his head at her silence but showed no signs of rushing her. Fern turned her body to the side, refusing to look his way.
"I believe there's still one clear solution we have yet to try. It's not that I want to do it but if we are to reunite with Frieren-sama then, it would be best to get out as soon as possible."
"Eh?"
"…Stark-sama, are you really going to have a lady say it?"
"Ehh?"
Fern turned her head away and leaned it in his direction. With closed eyes, she made sure to present a rosy right cheek to the boy in front of her. Even the dense Stark-sama would understand what she wanted him to do but couldn't outright say.
"…Oh. I get it. Sorry, Fern." Stark's mind cleared; any confusion lifted. With an apology, he stepped closer to Fern who did not move away. "Excuse me."
Fern's unsaid intentions had somehow gotten through Stark. It was a miracle that the female mage would never have believed could happen.
However, what Stark saw was not a girl offering her cheek for a kiss.
Instead, in a rare moment of insight, Stark had caught the way she turned away and the impatient tone in her voice. He then reached a single conclusion.
Fern was scared.
Fear was something Stark was used to but not from the unbending girl before him. To think he had been so caught up with his own worries that he had forgotten that Fern could feel the same.
Stark knew he was a coward who ran away. It was something he accepted about himself and was trying to change.
However, the idea of Fern being scared…somehow, that was more unacceptable.
"Fern…" Stark reached a hand across Fern's face to cusp her turned away cheek. When she finally faced him, he used his other hand to hold her other cheek.
He couldn't face his problems but, right now, he wanted to face Fern.
"S-stark-sama?"
The moment she felt Stark-sama's touch, any semblance of moving had left Fern's capacity. Two hands that could break rock between them cradled her face with the gentleness Fern had always seen as the warrior's strongest weapon.
The two disciples stared into each other's eyes.
Not a moment later, their lips met.
Since she had read the instructions for getting out of the room, not once had Fern thought of the kiss as one across the lips. Even if she had called him a pervert, the girl who was raised by a priest still thought of kisses on the cheek shyly with those on the lips being too far off to even enter her mind.
And now this brute of a warrior had forced one on her.
Of course, Fern could not object as he had already taken her breath away.
Himmel/Frieren
"Well, then." Frieren raised her hands to wrap her arms around Himmel's neck. He was quite taller than her, so she had to pull him down to reach his face. However, she found his body to be oddly stiff. "…You're not a statue are you, Himmel?"
"No, just a regular human."
That said, even if Himmel wasn't a statue, he was definitely rock hard.
Not in that way! In the sense that his body had frozen up due to Frieren's sudden assault. Due to his superior reflexes, he was able to recover immediately and remove himself from Frieren's embrace.
It was important for heroes to keep their images chaste and gentlemanly. There was also a rumor that most heroes tended to be dense, kissless, virgins with harems but Himmel had always thought of himself as a Fake hero, so such things did not apply to him.
Anyways,
"Just what do you think you're doing?" he asked the elf whose innocent stare answered his question for him. "You can't just kiss me! There are proper steps to this!"
"But we can get out if we do." Frieren pointed to the sign above the door that refused to move even after Himmel had thrown his full hero power against it. Her head bowed the tiniest bit. "Do you have problems with kissing me, Himmel?"
"O-" His voice hitched. "Of course not! However, don't you want to take advantage of this?"
Frieren took a quick glance around the room. She then pointed a finger at herself. "You mean being alone with me?"
"I mean, if we have the key so why not play with the lock?" Himmel clutched his chin, a small smile on his face. "So far, the situation isn't that drastic. Do you have a spell that could analyze the lock or how we even got here? This isn't the first time we've been stuck in an inescapable room and I'm getting quite tired of it."
Frieren just continued to stare at Himmel. He could see clear doubt and disbelief in her eyes even if he wasn't sure what warranted such a look. If he was honest, the look in those eyes unnerved the usually unflippant hero. Was she that desperate to leave so soon?
He was used to her taking her time with things.
Although, there were two reasons to leave in particular that also worried Himmel, as well.
"Frieren, I understand you may be worried about Eisen and Heither but if we've been separated by this unknown magic then all the more, we learn more about it while things look safe." Himmel chuckled. "I highly doubt they'd be able to escape if they had the same conditions."
He couldn't imagine his childhood friend jumping at the chance nor the taciturn Eisen. Then again, if Heither had some alcohol with him, those two could have already escaped. Also, the less said about if the pairings were distributed differently, the better.
"I'll kiss you as much as you want later, but for now, you're the best hope at revealing the magic of this locked room." It was because Himmel was a hero that he was able to say those words with a straight face. It was also because he was a fake hero that he could say his next ones. "I'm useless here so allow me to rely on your magic once more."
Frieren fully met his gaze and nodded without a word. Now, that was the Frieren he knew.
"If it's okay, all that effort tired me out. I'll take a quick nap for now." As if to emphasize his fatigue, Himmel began to lie down on the only furniture in the room, a single queen-sized bed meant for two people. The hero scooched himself over to one side of the bed, giving enough space for Frieren if she wanted to. Being party members, sleeping next to each other was normal in the wilderness.
Yup, this was definitely not a situation that required him to calm a rapidly beating heart.
With hands clasped over his chest, Himmel closed his eyes trying to ignore how Frieren's own gaze had yet to leave him.
After watching Himmel's still sleeping body for a minute, Frieren allowed herself to look around the room. Besides the bed, the room was nondescript with a single door that had a banner above it that read "Occupants can not leave unless they kiss each other."
Even after a millennia of living, she could honestly say she had no idea what the purpose of such a room was. If it was meant to trap them then why would the escape condition be so easy? Frieren also had no idea how they both got here. Was there an ambush? Was it truly magic?
Speaking of magic, Frieren could not sense any sort of mana around the room or from the door that had withstood not only a hero's strength but also Frieren's arsenal of useless magics. Not only did her various unlocking and opening magics not work, but spells that could also change the door didn't work either.
This was either magic by the goddess itself or a special demon curse.
In short, Himmel was right about first assessing the current situation than escaping immediately.
However, that statement was fundamentally wrong.
After all, Himmel should have been dead.
He died decades ago.
Frieren even attended his burial. She saw his aged body lying in a casket just as he now lay on the bed in front of her. He talked to her as if she was still Frieren: Mage of the hero's party but rather she was now Sousou no Frieren [Frieren: At the Funeral].
This should not have been possible.
Ansehelschella
Was this some sort of well-crafted illusion? If it was, then it was one Frieren could not see through even with all of her mana. Then this meant that the Himmel before was a fake, most likely would eat her the moment she locked lips with him.
Looking at it in another way, the Himmel before her being real only brought more questions than the simple answer if he was a convincing fake. The How's and Why's multiplied exponentially.
It was just like finding a treasure chest in the middle of a dungeon and expecting it not to be a mimic.
Even so, Frieren never stopped head diving into chests.
And that was exactly what she did as she joined Himmel in the room's single bed.
The elf crawled over to his side, plopped herself over his body and laid her head on his chest. Closing her eyes, Frieren listened carefully with her ear sandwiched between head and chest. A steady thump was what she heard along with soft breathing.
…
…
…Ah!
If she wasn't careful, she would fall asleep, right here. He smelled like Himmel, of cut grass, sweat, and light male cologne. He was also oddly warm, perfect nap temperature.
Did falling asleep in a dream end the dream?
Frieren pushed her head off and replaced it with her hand. Through her touch, she should be able to check if this was some sort of clone or disguise. The hand trailed across his chest, neck, and up to his face until eventually landing on a cheek.
Sharp eyes fixated on his mouth. More specifically, how the air went in and out. The movements matched those of the chest she was draped over.
He was breathing. He was alive.
Her thumb reached out, barely grazing the edge of a lip. Playing with the lock, indeed.
"I wonder…" A hand gently enveloped Frieren's own.
Frieren looked down at the awake Himmel, his eyes staring back at her own. He held the same boyish smile that flashed in her memories, yet this was the first time Frieren had seen his eyes storm with hidden emotions.
Or, maybe, this was just the first time she had actually looked.
"…Is my sleeping face really that interesting?"
"Yes. After all these years, it's still my favorite." answered Frieren honestly. After all, it was the last expression she'd ever see him wear. It was one a desperate elf greedily engrained into her being after realizing there would be no others after.
It was the final gift he had given her, the final lesson taught, that kickstarted her own journey.
"But I've grown tired of it." Frieren freed her hand from his grasp and pushed it away. It easily fell back on his cheek. Her other hand reached up to his shoulder.
"It's time for something new."
Without hesitation, Frieren leaned forward and took Himmel's lips with her own. He didn't resist, maybe couldn't, as she pressed her whole self into him, daring her body to memorize how it fit into his. Elves had little sexual desire but this desire to know more about Himmel transcended basic physical needs.
After what felt like a single rainfall, Frieren separated herself from Himmel.
His eyes were wide with surprise. His mouth was slightly agape, a small thread of saliva spilling out. She wasn't even sure if he was still breathing.
Far from the all-guiding hero, he looked as lost as a lone boy in a forest.
It was an expression Frieren had never seen.
"I think this is my new favorite," declared Frieren before reclaiming his lips once more. She needed as many expressions as she had grimoires. Any thoughts of testing if the door had unlocked had left both occupants' minds.
And as arms wrapped around her body and his own lips pushed back against hers, the part of Frieren's mind that wasn't dedicated to her current actions, made a small mental note before a flood of other more salacious theses would arrive.
This Himmel was definitely no statue.
AN: The initial plan was to do five ships at around 500 words each but these two got so long that I decided to only use these two for the main fic and keep the third one I wrote as an extra. Might have been for the best since the other three are for manga readers only and two of the ones not used were very contrived. I was actually about to do some Grausam x Solitar stiff.
If you want the sequel chapter where they now have to escape "A room where you can't leave unless you have S0X" then let me know!
OMAKE:
Ubel X Land
Ubel nodded as she read the sign once more. It didn't make too much sense but they both had gone through the room thoroughly.
With a sigh of resignation, she turned to the four-eyes next to her. Her arms were crossed over her body, hands squeezing her elbows. It pissed her off that this asshole didn't look the least bit disturbed or embarrassed.
Well, she didn't let the feelings within her show on her face too but that didn't mean she'd be okay with a lack of reaction! She was still a girl that was way out of this guy's league! He should be a blushing mess!
Wait a second!
Her hand was slowly raised in between them, almost as if she was feeling an invisible wall between the two.
"You're…"
"A clone?" was his taciturn reply. Land adjusted his glasses even though they hadn't moved at all. All it did was make the reflection of the lenses block sight of his eyes. "And if I am? Would that change anything?"
"Well…no." Ubel admitted with a shrug. "It just means it doesn't really count if I kiss a clone. Cause it's like I'm just kissing mana that just so happens to be shaped like your face."
Also, he didn't answer her question.
"Hmm. You do have a point." Land nodded, once more not showing the least care on the idea that a girl like Ubel would kiss him. "Let's do this…I'll make a clone and you use your magic to also make a clone. Then let's have them kiss to see if that will work."
Ubel smirked, any resignation gone, "I like that idea."
First, another Land appeared next to the real (?) one which was then followed by another Ubel. Both doppelgangers were indistinguishable from their masters. Ubel turned to hers and nudged toward Land's clone with her chin while Land directed with only his gaze.
Immediately, the two clones embraced each other as they started heavily making out. Ubel's clone wrapping her arms around Land's clone's neck while the male clone grasped their hips together tightly. Both mages watched shocked as their creations visibly started to include tongue. The room even began to fill with the moans of their voices even though both had yet to speak.
Ubel turned away to glare at Land. "Oy! What kind of pervy magic did you make me copy!"
"I resent that." Land huffed, adjusting his glasses again that actually fell over at the earlier sight. "You must have copied wrong!"
The two would've continued their verbal fight if it wasn't for something flying between them. They both turned to see a familiar black top had flown between them soon followed by Land's shirt and other assortments of clothes.
Also, was the moaning getting louder?
The two mages suddenly found the other side of the room completely fascinating.