Archive of Our Own ^omega

I. Dazai, Chuuya, 15.

“This is Chuuya Nakahara! From this day on, he’ll be joining our sweet little family!”

It was a day like any other, when Mori brought home a boy - bright, orange hair, blue eyes, and freckles that spun across his face like constellations - to the orphanage. 

From what Dazai could gather, the boy’d been illegally kept in a military facility for all his life, being used as a subject of human experimentation. Until unexpected circumstances blew the government’s cover and revealed the circumstances this kid grew up under. The people involved were punished accordingly, and Chuuya was brought to an orphanage as nothing was known about the identity of his parents.

Mori never once shied back from telling Dazai the details about new children he brought in. That also applied to this one.

The new kid, Chuuya, was quiet. He was small and looked like he could really use some proper food. His eyes were glued to the ground and he pointedly avoided conversation that wasn’t necessary. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he was insecure about the people around, the new environment, and even the very ground he stood on. Dazai knew that feeling, knew what it felt like to have everything ripped away from you, no matter how terrible it might’ve been. To get placed in a world you knew nothing of, with unfamiliar faces, where even your own self often felt like a stranger.

It was that moment Dazai swore to himself that he’d watch over this boy.

Mori seemingly read his mind. Or he simply had a feeling. For as soon as Dazai made up his mind, he smiled sweetly, pushing Chuuya in his direction.

“This is Osamu Dazai, he’s just about your age! And coincidentally, he hasn’t got a roommate yet, so I’m sure he’ll happily take you in and show you around. That okay?” Dazai gave an affirmative nod. Chuuya didn’t speak, but he willingly stepped closer to Dazai which the other took as a sign of agreement. 

“Wonderful!” Mori exclaimed. “I’ll leave you two to it, then. Don’t forget to join us in the dining hall for lunch in just about two hours!” Then, he encouraged all the kids to resume whatever it was that they’d done before being called to welcome the new guy.

“Chuuya-kun, ne~” Dazai greeted with a smile. “Can I call you Chibi? You’re so tiny… I think Chibi would be a fitting name!” At that, Chuuya glared up at him. Dazai’s grin widened. There it was. A spark of something. Much better than the insecure stare that was centered on the ground.

“I’m not tiny!” Chuuya grumbled. “I’m still growing! Not my fault they didn’t let me before!” At that, Dazai’s look softened and he reached out to tug on the sleeve of Chuuya’s jacket. The shorter didn’t pull away.

“Well, let me tell you that from now on, you’ll be able to grow as much as you want. Three full meals a day, some milk, and I bet you’ll be just fine!” Dazai encouraged him. He conveniently left out the part that Chuuya was already set to stay quite short just by the lack of physical growth he’d went through in the past 15 years of his life as a lab subject. But Chuuya looked quite hopeful as is, and Dazai would be a terrible person to ruin that. 

“...You think I’ll grow taller?” He asked, quietly. “Sure you will, Chibi~” Dazai replied. The kick to his shin was well deserved.

But, Chuuya reached out to hold onto his hand anyways, and simply didn’t let go.

He didn’t let go when Dazai led him to their now shared room.

He didn’t let go when they were unpacking some stuff and getting everything ready for Chuuya to start his new life.

He didn’t let go when Dazai led him to the dining room a few hours later.

Their hands stayed mostly connected all throughout lunch, unless separation was necessary for things as simple as cutting their food.

Chuuya stayed close next to Dazai when he properly introduced him and the other kids. 

They remained close together during noon, afternoon, and evening. 

Dazai didn’t mind grounding Chuuya into reality and helping him feel comfortable.

He could get used to the other boy’s warmth right next to him.

It was already late at night. Most inhabitants of the orphanage were asleep already. Not Dazai and Chuuya tho. Both of them were still awake, sitting on Dazai’s bed, watching random YouTube videos they deemed interesting. It was nice.

Ever since Dazai himself was brought to the orphanage, he’d been living in this too big room all by himself. Usually, inhabitants were assigned roommates. Tho that was based on compatibility and familial relations. And as much as Dazai acted nice, he’s always been quite distant to the other children. He just never saw himself fitting in with them and their little groups. He’d always been alone, so he'd never put in the effort. Maybe that was one of the reasons Mori always connected closer with him, rather than any of the other children.

A roommate had never been something he’d even think of. So this was new. And nice. Dazai liked his and Chuuya’s dynamic quite a lot already. He believed they’d get along just fine.

They sat around for quite some time, enjoying the silence in their little bubble, only interrupted by whatever it was they were watching. Then.

“Oi, Dazai.” Chuuya nudged him, Dazai lifted his head. “Hm? Something wrong?” Chuuya avoided his eyes and looked to the side, hands clawing into the blanket. “Can we go outside? Is that possible? I’m tired, but I can’t sleep well without getting some fresh air just before. It’s… A bit of a me thing.”

Dazai hummed in contemplation. “Technically it’s past curfew already…” A sad side-glance from Chuuya. “...but, that’s not exactly something I’d let stop us! Come along!” At that, Chuuya’s eyes seemed to almost sparkle and Dazai had to laugh. He found himself willing to do a lot to see that expression more often.

Hand in hand, like it was normal, like it was a part of their every move, they snuck out of their room, past the bedrooms, down the stairs, through the lower level of the house and to the back door he knew to be open. Mori tended to leave it unlocked. For a long time now, Dazai loved sneaking out at night. Especially if his insomnia got very bad, It didn’t matter how many times he was caught, he just kept on doing it. And so, to prevent the boy from continuously climbing out of his window and potentially hurting himself, Mori’d offered him an alternative. He couldn’t stop Dazai, but he could still make the thing safer.

When he proudly told Chuuya of his nightly escapades, the other boy looked at him in utter horror and concern and seemed quite relieved when Dazai confirmed he wasn’t actively misusing his window as a door anymore.

“There’s a place I’d like to take you to. It’s one of my favorites!” Dazai said. He didn’t like others invading what he deemed his space. But with Chuuya, he was inclined to make an exception.

Behind the main building, on an open field, stood an abandoned tower building. It was left from the previous owners of the land that now marked the area around the orphanage. It was in good condition and so nobody ever bothered taking it down. They simply closed it up and left it there.

Chuuya was already halfway to asking him how in the world they were supposed to get in there when Dazai was already busy picking the lock. Even the simple expression on Chuuya’s face, showing wonder and amazement were enough to cause a strange, foreign flutter in Dazai’s stomach. Another Chuuya expression I wanna see more. He noted in his head and smiled, pulling himself and his companion into the building. 

They flew up many sets of stairs. Chuuya was tightly clinging onto the other, calling him insane for daring to run in a place where every step was followed by dangerous creaking sounds. But Dazai insisted it was fine, and that it was absolutely worth it. Chuuya stopped complaining. “Fine, but if we both fall and die, I’ll kill you!” Dazai laughed. “Sure. If that happens, you have my full permission Chibi~”

Soon enough, they reached the top of the tower and Dazai opened the door, leading them out to a platform that overlooked the city at the foot of the hill the orphanage was built upon, the skyline far in the back, and even bits and pieces of the ocean shining through all of it. City lights and stars mixed together to brighten up the night, and above everything, the moon watched in silver silence.

Dazai didn’t have to turn over to correctly guess Chuuya’s current expression. But he did it regardless, simply because he wanted to see it.

The shorter’s eyes were wide open, so was his mouth as he gasped in disbelieving surprise and slowly stepped closer to the secure stone wall that prevented them from falling off. Dazai followed. Chuuya turned over to look at him with a bright expression. “This place is awesome! I never really got to see much of the night sky, even less with such a view!” Dazai laughed and leaned onto the mentioned wall. “I had a feeling you might like it~”

They stood in silence. Chuuya was enjoying the view. Dazai was too, only that his view was one of a content smile, fluffy hair, and blue eyes that reflected the lights like the ocean itself.

“I come here quite often, actually.” He broke the silence after a while. “When my insomnia is being mean to me and my thoughts get too loud. I’d appreciate it if you could keep this place our little secret, just between us.” Chuuya stepped closer, their sides pressing together, keeping them both in a warm bubble as the cold wind blew around them. “I can do that. I’m good at keeping secrets!” Chuuya spoke. 

Then, after a few more moments of no words spoken.

“Thank you, Dazai, for showing me this, but also for today in general. I was scared when I was brought here, but I'm no longer that scared now. You’re a good guide.” There it was again: That warm, funny feeling Dazai couldn’t quite place. His cheeks felt hot. Strange. Isn’t it pretty cold tonight? He didn’t dwell on it.

“No problem. I’ll make sure you don’t have to be scared anymore. I’ll stick around for as long as you’ll have me!” He claimed, leaning further into Chuuya’s space who didn’t seem like he wanted to push him away. “Well, you better get ready then! Because I really want you to stay with me!”

The two shared some soft laughter, and then stayed on the tower for quite a while longer, until they were both so tired, they could barely drag themselves back inside.

Soon, it would become a ritual for the two orphans. They’d sneak out at night, climb the tower, share stories and emotions, with only the stars and the moon as their witness. Much to Mori’s dismay who soon, after failing at talking them out of it multiple times, handed them a key so he could stop having to replace the lock on the tower whenever Dazai broke it.

===

II. Dazai, Chuuya, 16.

“Thank god it’s over! I couldn’t stand another minute in that stuffy room with this stuck up teacher!” Chuuya complained as he put his notes into his backpack. Dazai, who was sitting next to him, yawned and slowly stood up. He’d fallen asleep five minutes into the lesson, leaving Chuuya to sulk for the remainder of it as his talking partner was unavailable to be messed with in an attempt to cure his boredom. Really, the shorter had no idea why their teachers somehow never seemed to call his friend out for sleeping through half their classes.

“End of day time. Let’s get out of here shall we?” Dazai asked, grabbing his bag. Chuuya had no objections and followed him out of the classroom. and through the gradually emptying hallways of their school. Most students were in a hurry to get home. They talked about afternoon plans with their families, talked about what their parents were gonna cook that day and shared funny day-to-day anecdotes about chaotic siblings. In the midst of it all, two boys, one taller with brown hair and covered in bandages, the other shorter with ginger hair and a piercing blue stare.

People were staring at them, or mumbling about them behind their backs, unaware that the two were very much capable of hearing everything. They whispered about how the two boys always came in and left together, how they never seemed to talk to anyone but each other, how they never mentioned their private lives, nor had a parent pick them up from school to bring them somewhere.

Dazai and Chuuya were both very used to it. The comments didn’t bother them any longer.

They came in and left together because they lived together. They didn’t enjoy talking to many people in fear of accidentally letting their guard down, unable to fully trust anyone but one another. They didn’t mention their private lives because it was a mess and nobody’s business but their own. And their parents never picked them up or brought them anywhere because they had no parents to speak of. They only truly had each other.

Just about a year had passed since the day Chuuya was brought to the orphanage and met Dazai. And it’s also been just about a year since the two boys became basically inseparable, joined at the hip, never far from one another. If you saw one of them alone, it was almost guaranteed that the other was a maximum of 100 meters away. It was like an invisible string connected them, always pulling them to their respective other half. For as much as they seemingly fought and bickered, they made each other feel whole in ways they knew no one else ever could.

It was raining when they left the school building and Dazai sighed. It seemed like they’d either have to wait, or return to the orphanage completely soaked. “What a pain. And we didn’t even bring an umbrella.” Chuuya complained next to him. Dazai opened his backpack to see whether he had one, but came up empty-handed. “Mori’s gonna give us an earful about the risks of rain and getting sick, I can already hear it.” Dazai added, dejected. “But I don’t exactly feel like waiting here till the rain subsides either. How about you, Chuuya?”

Chuuya was only half listening, overhearing a conversation between some students a few meters away.

“Aw man… And I was so ready to check out that new outdoor amusement park! Looks like we gotta move that to another day.”

“Yea, the only place there where we wouldn’t get soaked is the arcade. That might be fun, but I bet it’s completely overcrowded either way. And besides, we can just go home to our PCs, right?”

A chorus of agreements.

“Then that’s settled. Let’s go home and go to the amusement park on the weekend, we’ll have more time then anyways!”

With that, the voices slowly dissipated as the group of students moved away.

“-bi, -Chi~bi~, earth to Chibi!” Dazai’s voice successfully made it to his brain. Chuuya snapped around, returning to reality. His friend grinned. “There you are! I almost thought you spontaneously went deaf! But seems like you just zoned out~” He spoke, nudging Chuuya’s shoulder.

“Arcade.” Chuuya’s mouth supplied, very helpfully. It was only when he noticed Dazai’s slightly confused look that he realized how dumb he must’ve sounded just there. “They were talking about an arcade, and how it’s dry and supposedly fun.” Dazai tilted his head. “Well, of course it is. It’s an arcade. It’s indoors and supposed to be fun!”

Chuuya looked down. It was a familiar feeling, the feeling of having missed out on something that was an universal experience. Even Dazai knew it, and he didn’t exactly have a better childhood than him.

“...What is an arcade?” Chuuya asked, quietly. Dazai gasped. “You’ve never been to one?!” Chuuya felt himself shrink on the spot. Dazai was gonna make fun of him, and then he’d feel stupid, besides knowing very well the other meant no harm. But then, an expression of understanding flashed across Dazai’s face and he smiled. “Aw Chibi~ You look like you’ve just been pushed into a wall face first. Come on~ Don’t overthink so much.” Chuuya scoffed. “Says the chronic overthinker.” An amused hum from his tall companion. “Seems like I’ve had quite an influence on you~” Chuuya hit him.

“Either way, can’t say I can blame you for not knowing something usually tied to happy childhood memories. I only found out they existed when I fled a sudden downpour one day while doing some errand running for Mori. Kind of like today… …hmmmm. Oh! I have an idea!” Dazai’s eyes sparkled, Chuuya sent him a suspicious glance. “You? An idea? That’s never a good sign.” Dazai pouted. “Chibi~” He drawled out the last i. “You’re so mean to me! I just wanted to offer you to go spend our afternoon at a nearby arcade while we wait for the rain to calm down!”

At that, Chuuya perked up. “...You wanna take me to an arcade?” Dazai nodded eagerly. “Yup! I haven’t been to one in quite some time and it’s closer than the orphanage either way so… How about it?” He held out his hand for Chuuya to take. And the smile on his face was so warm and full of anticipation that Chuuya knew he couldn’t refuse him if he tried. So instead, he placed his hand on Dazai’s. Their fingers fell together easily. A practiced motion that got them plenty of teasing from everyone around them, especially Mori. They never cared. Let them think what they want. Chuuya had no issues with it.

Plus, he liked having Dazai’s hand in his own a lot. There was nothing strange about it. And if it made him blush, if it sped up his heart rate whenever it happened, well, as long as nobody noticed, he’d be perfectly fine.

A crush. Chuuya’d seen it in some of the cringey movies he and Dazai watched and made fun of. But the more he compared the character’s feelings in the movies to his own, the more the feeling made sense. He’d come to terms with it, it was fine. Nothing he couldn’t deal with. As long as Dazai didn’t find out, as long as Chuuya didn’t mess up and make things awkward, it would be alright.

But of course he wouldn’t let such a dumb little thing like a crush keep him from enjoying Dazai’s touchiness that was reserved for him and him only, no matter how much it affected and amplified the warm feeling. And maybe, just maybe, he'll one day be lucky enough for Dazai to reciprocate these feelings. Even though for now, that was simply a dream he filed away in the deepest depths of his heart, refusing to let the hope that stemmed from small touches or meaningful looks rise to the surface and prompt him to make some rash decisions.

For now, he happily listened as Dazai counted down from three, and then they were running. Hand in hand, side by side, intent on escaping the rain as soon as possible. Chuuya didn’t have to pay attention to where they were going. He trusted Dazai and simply ran with him wherever he wanted to take them.

It only took a few minutes until the two boys barged through the doors of their destination, laughing loudly and nearly falling over one another as they desperately caught their breaths, shaking off the rain that somehow still managed to soak them and gaining a few very confused looks from  the other arcade-goers.

“Y- You look like a soaked cat!” Chuuya wheezed out. Dazai tried to scoff, offended, but his scoff sounded more like a dying gasp and quickly moved over to loud wheezing as well. “Or no- Even more accurate! You look like a fish pulled right out of the water! The dead-eyed stare does it. A mackerel. You look like a mackerel! That’s what I’ll call you from now on!”

Dazai was still desperately trying his very best to breathe. “W- Well then! You’re a slimy slug! Plus, how didn’t you drown in that rain?! You’re so small… I thought a few drops of water would be enough. What a shame…” Chuuya glared at him. “WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL! You tall, lanky beanpole!” At this point, both of them were nearly on the floor, Dazai holding his stomach, tears of laughter in his eyes. Chuuya didn’t look much better.

Almost the entire arcade stared at them with concern, but the two boys didn’t even notice them, gasping for air and trying to calm themselves down. Once Dazai could stand again, he dragged Chuuya up by the hand, an amused smile still stuck in place on his face. “Idiot.” He commented. Chuuya stuck out his tongue. “Asshole.” He replied. The two dissolved into another fit of giggles.

Only after that did they finally take a moment to take in their surroundings. The arcade wasn’t huge, but it was more than enough. Rows upon rows of arcade machines stood along the wall and in the middle of the room. “Welcome to the arcade. Let’s have some fun, shall we?” Dazai asked. Chuuya gave an affirmative nod, and they were off.

Turns out, Dazai was good at just about any of the games this place had to offer and it was slowly driving Chuuya insane. His partner seemed to have the time of his life, winning repeatedly. No matter how hard Chuuya tried, Dazai always had yet another strategy right at the get go whenever he got in a difficult situation. After two hours of messing around, Chuuya slumped back on his stool in defeat.

“This is so unfair! It’s like you’re a professional at every game here!” He complained. Dazai laughed and got up, draping himself all over Chuuya, head nuzzling in his shoulder. “Aw~ Is Chibi giving up already~” Chuuya begrudgingly lifted a hand, messing around with the other’s hair. It was soft, and nice, and Dazai’s calm breath against his neck confirmed that he liked it just as much. “I’ll never give up in a fight against you! I will beat you! Just watch me!” Dazai laughed, the vibrations felt nice. Chuuya wanted to turn around and squeeze him in his arms.

“One more round! This time we’re making a bet!” The shorter then challenged. “Oh?~ And what might that bet be~” Chuuya thought about it for a moment. “Hmmm… If I win, you’re not allowed to sleep in class for one month! You have to stay up and talk with me and if I gotta slap you to keep you awake, so be it!” Dazai pouted at that. “Chuu~yaaaa! That’s domestic violence! Is that a way to treat your precious best friend?~” Chuuya scoffed. “We’re not friends.” Dazai took that as a challenge. “We’re not friends?!” He feigned shock. “Boyfriends then?! Did I miss a crucial development in our relationship?! Maybe we’re already married! When did that happen? Aw~ I’m sure Chuuya would look awesome in a wedding dress~”

Chuuya, in the meantime, had turned as red as a tomato. Obviously, Dazai was just messing around, but he couldn’t shake off that strange feeling in his chest at the mere thought of the label ‘boyfriends’ in combination with the two of them. He pushed Dazai away, burying his face in his hands. “Shut up. I hate you, actually. I despise you. We’re mortal enemies. Go away. Actually, no, stay close, so I can slap the shit outta you. Or crush you. Or both.” Chuuya was certain he’d overheat sooner or later if this kept going. Dazai was laughing happily.

“Chuuya, darling~ You’re sending me mixed signals here~” That did it to him. That exact nickname. Chuuya slammed his head against the arcade machine in front of them, still showing him the mockery that was the ‘Game Over’ screen as Dazai’s character performed a victory dance on loop. “What do you want from me.” Chuuya mumbled out with a whine. “Your love and appreciation~” Dazai answered, not missing a beat. Did this guy have any shame?!”

“OH! That makes me think of something~ I know what I want from the bet if I win!” Chuuya sent him a sideway-glare. “And that would be?” Dazai smiled. A sweet, innocent sunshine smile that Chuuya knew all too well. It was Dazai’s ‘I have an idea to torment Chuuya for the rest of our lives’ smile.

“If I win, I get to give you lovely romantic pet names and refer to you with them whenever I want!” Chuuya nearly choked at that and stared at Dazai , who kept that exact smile on his face as he strolled back over to his side of the game without a care in the world. He could barely force out a sound of agreement when the game started once again and both were focused on killing one another.

“...”

“Chuuya dear~”

“. . .” 

“Come onnn honey! It was a fair match!”

“.  .  .”

“Aww~ Don’t be sad darling~”

Chuuya didn’t reply. He had his face buried in his arms to hide his expression. Dazai was prodding at him with his stupid arsenal of endearments Chuuya knew he learned from a website for housewives that offered help in what to call their husbands. He’d seen the website and laughed at it. But now all he could do was blush and agonize over said names being used on him. By none other than the stupid boy he had a stupid crush on!”

“Leave me alone.” Chuuya grumbled. But at the same time, his hand reached out to tug on Dazai’s coat, not letting him move away. He’d almost won the match! He was so close! And then Dazai had done something and suddenly he was once again stuck on the stupid game over screen! And now Dazai got to call him stupid nicknames and probably would until he got tired of it or found a lover to actually seriously use them on.

“Look, Chuu~ I’ll even stay up in class on my own! And we can come back to the arcade as many times as we want and I can teach you some strategies! Stop pouting~ I wanna see your face!” At that, Chuuya looked up. Dazai smiled and poked his nose. Chuuya bit his finger. Softly. Ensuring he wouldn’t hurt the other. Dazai didn’t even flinch.

With a defeated sigh, Chuuya leaned into the taller’s chest, closing his eyes. “...Fine. But I will not forgive you for any of this!” Dazai’s hand carded through his hair and pressed him close. “Sure you won’t, sweetheart~”

And, for as much as Chuuya complained, he was more than happy to allow Dazai the usage of the endearments. Not that Chuuya’d ever willingly admit to it, that was.

===

III. Dazai, Chuuya, 17.

“Look, Chuuya, now isn't that interesting!” The two were walking through the hallways of their school once again. It was barely 5 PM, but already dark outside. Such was a phenomenon of it being December.

Right now, they stopped in their tracks to marvel at the school's event board. A wall where school and non-school related events were advertised in hopes of coaxing the students into participating. A new event seemed to have been added some time during the day as the advertisement wasn't there when they passed by the very same wall just in the morning.

“The student's council invites the whole school to our yearly Christmas dance. It will take place on the 20th of December. The event starts at 6 PM and officially ends at 11 PM, tho the school will remain open till 1 AM for those who'd like to stay longer. The event is supposed to be for our school only, but you're free to bring a plus one who isn't a student if you wish! Tickets will be sold at the event and only require your student ID card. The tickets include one free meal and as many free drinks as you wish. Alcohol is prohibited, as this event is open to students of all ages. It'll take place in the gym. We can't wait to see you there!”

Chuuya read out the text on the ad and looked over at Dazai. “Looks like it's time for another school dance. Fun. The next few days will be spent watching people getting repeatedly rejected as they ask out crushes far out of their league. Ready to watch some hearts being broken Mackerel?~” Dazai grinned. “More than ready, Chibi~”

It was a game they loved to play every time a school dance came up. They'd walk around, sneakily watch confessions and guess whether requests to go to the dance would be accepted or rejected. They even kept a scoreboard. Currently, Dazai was in the lead by one point, Chuuya was determined to change that.

“You gonna ask anybody out to go with you this time?” Dazai asked. Chuuya sent him a glare. “And who would I ask? Not like I know anybody here, much less am I interested in anyone. Plus, you don't get to say shit! You're the same as me!” At that, Dazai flashed a grin at his friend. What an opportunity. How had he never thought of it before?

“Actually~ I do plan on asking someone out to go to the dance this year.” At that, Chuuya gaped. Then an emotion Dazai couldn't quite place crossed his expression. The shorter stared at him in disbelief.

“You. Asking someone out. To the dance. What timeline do we live in? Wait. Have you been kidnapped, Dazai? Kidnapped and replaced? Who are you and what did you do to my asshole roommate!” Chuuya accused, shaking Dazai by the shoulders who simply pouted. “Chuuya dear… You wound me! I haven't been replaced! Where's that coming from?!” Chuuya was still glaring at him. “I spend 24 hours of my day with you. 7 days a week. And I've never seen you even remotely interested in anybody! So don't come at me with that bullshit. You're just messing with me.”

Dazai grinned. This was just too funny. “Awww~ Is my darling Chibi perhaps jealous of the person I've chosen to ask?” He swore he saw Chuuya blush. And it did things to Dazai's heart he'd rather not think about too much. “...Wait, are you actually? That's so sweet!” He exclaimed. It earned him a smack to the shoulder. “Shut up you ass!” Chuuya snarled, face glowing with how red he was. Dazai’d rather not overthink the implications of the blush and lack of denial regarding the jealousy thing. It made him smile and he decided to be nice for this one.

“Chuuya doesn't need to worry~ I'd never pick anybody over him!” Chuuya looked up, trying to rub away his red cheeks. “But- you said-” Dazai cut him off with a soft head pat. “You'll see, honey, you'll see.” Chuuya punched his shoulder again and walked forward, head knocking into Dazai's chest as he hid his face. Dazai chuckled and reached up a hand to pat his idiot's head. “There there Chibi~ Come on~ Let's get out of here and go home. I've got a promposal to prepare!” Chuuya rolled his eyes and stepped back, their arms linking together as they walked out of the school. “Sure you do. I really wanna see that mysterious invisible person you apparently want to ask out. Also, If you call it a ‘promposal’ one more time, I can guarantee you that your target will certainly say no.” 

Dazai stayed calm, even though he was having great difficulties suppressing a giddy expression of excitement.

-

It was the following day during lunch break when it happened. Chuuya had spent the entire evening of the previous day theorizing about who Dazai was gonna ask out and what exactly he meant as he reassured Chuuya he had nothing to worry about.

Truly, why would Chuuya care who his friend asked out! It wasn't like he was desperately in love with him, no. He wasn't jealous. He'd never be jealous. Even if he sent death glares at any girl who looked at the brunette just a little too closely. Even if he casually inserted himself into the conversation and wrapped an arm around Dazai's waist or shoulders whenever one of these girls showed enough courage to talk to him. Even if he felt a feeling of pride bubble up whenever Dazai reciprocated the touches and publicly referred to him with these dumb terms of endearment he loved using on Chuuya and Chuuya only.

Chuuya didn't care about Dazai's date. He did not care at all.

It seemed like his unintentional grumpiness was showing quite extremely tho. Every single person who did as much as look at him immediately distanced themselves at least 5 meters further. Yet for some reason, Dazai didn't even notice nor care about the other's annoying emotions at all. He had to be planning something right? Otherwise he would've long since started teasing Chuuya about the cloud of despair he carried around wherever he went.

When Dazai excused himself from their lunch to ‘use the restroom’, Chuuya was absolutely certain something was up. Dazai never used public restrooms. He deemed them too dangerous. The Lack of privacy sucked and he refused to even take off as much as his coat anywhere that wasn't the safety of their shared room. So this was extremely weird. Had he gone off to find his target for the dance? But then, why hadn't he told Chuuya a thing? Why would he lie? They were inseparable, had been for over two years. A duo, a team, they never operated separately or at the very least always told each other everything. Something had to be wrong.

And then he saw Dazai again. Well, somehow, he didn't see much as his dear roommate's entire upper body was hidden behind what had to be the biggest bouquet of flowers he'd ever seen. Now that was certainly something. Whoever the recipient of the flowers was, they'd either be extremely embarrassed, extremely happy or extremely both. People were staring at him as he carefully moved through the rows of desks. Chuuya watched his every step and barely registered it was him Dazai was moving towards until he stood right in front of him.

From behind the flowers, a bandaged head appeared, eyes blinking at Chuuya softly. “Hey, slug! Got some flowers for you!” Chuuya froze in place and stared at him in disbelief. Dazai offered him the bouquet and he took it. Slowly, carefully, as though this was a dream and would shatter at any quick movement. 

“What now? Dazai- wha-”

“-the dance. I told you I wanted to ask someone out for the dance!”

Slowly, the situation fully registered in his mind and his jaw dropped. Dazai’s smile was so warm. He wished for it to remain this way forever.

“Chuuya Nakahara…” Dazai started. “…My dear friend and roommate, most annoying person I’ve ever met, would you like to go to the dance with me?”

Chuuya didn’t hesitate a single second and blurted out a ‘yes’ that sounded far too excited for a soon-to-be 18 year old. But, in his defense, he’d never been formally asked out for anything before, ever. Not even by Dazai.

It was also the first time he received flowers from anyone.

-

It was the first time Dazai had asked somebody out for anything, and also the first time he’d given flowers to anyone. It all went perfectly according to plan and now he had a pretty ginger to take out on a date to a school festival. How much better could things be?

Mori was delighted when Dazai told him about the dance and had happily declared himself responsible for anything clothing-related. Chuuya was supported by Kouyou. Neither of them were allowed to see each other’s outfits prior to the event itself which made the whole thing a lot more embarrassing.

And then, it was finally the day of the event and their caretakers allowed them. Dazai found himself excited when Mori led him out of his office to the common room. Soon enough, they were joined by Kouyou and Chuuya and– 

Dazai’s breath caught in his throat and nearly choked. Chuuya looked beautiful in his suit. Well, he also looked beautiful at any other point in time. But this, this was special.

Of course Mori and Kouyou had chosen a matching design for the two boys. Chuuya wore a black suit above a white shirt. Dazai wore a white suit above a black shirt. Both of them had the same red accents in the design and the same red tie around their neck. Dazai’s hair was slicked back on one side, apart from a few stray strands that simply wouldn’t stick. The other half of his hair fell over his eye. The usual bandages around his face were nowhere in sight. As for Chuuya, his longer hair was pulled together with a hair tie, falling over his shoulder. He also had bangs covering part of his face.

After a couple of minutes of staring, the two boys finally returned to the reality of the situation, blushing as they noticed their caretakers watching them with a teasing softness. Chuuya quickly lowered his head, pulled Dazai over to his side, and started walking away. “We gotta leave! Hirotsu-san’s waiting, isn’t he?” The two adults laughed. “Just a moment please. Stand close together and smile for the camera!” Kouyou spoke. Begrudgingly, the duo did as they were told and a picture was snapped. Then, before they could embarrass the boys even more, Chuuya swiftly pulled Dazai outside, Dazai following close after while laughing.

“They’ll never let us live this down, right?” Chuuya asked, staring at his friend. Dazai smiled and shook his head. “Never~ They’ll forever tease us about the fact that our first school dance was at 17 and we went there together, no matter what~” Then, after a moment of silence. “...You look good, slug.” Chuuya turned his head away. Dazai was almost sure he was blushing. “You too, mackerel. It really suits you.”

The school’s gym looked beautiful with all the Christmas decorations and the soft lighting. As soon as they arrived, they heard gentle dance music from the speakers. Tables with various different foods, drinks and snacks were lining the walls. Everything was somehow glittering, and there were already quite a lot of people present despite the event just having started.

“Two tickets please!” Dazai asked the student council member at the entrance, showing her his student ID. She took one look, let Dazai pay and handed them the tickets. “Enjoy the dance, and happy early holidays!” Just as they were about to walk in, her voice stopped them for a moment. “By the way…” Her finger was pointing up, the two boys followed their direction and then flushed at the exact same time as they identified the mistletoe hanging from the doorframe. They stared at each other, then at the girl, then at the plant. And before he could overthink too much, Dazai leaned down and pressed a sweet, gentle kiss to Chuuya’s cheek. Chuuya looked like he short-circuited, and Dazai quickly pulled him away, ignoring the girl calling them ‘boring’ for not going through with an actual kiss.

In all honesty, Dazai might have, but he knew neither himself nor Chuuya had any form of prior experience in that field and first kisses were supposed to be special. At least that’s what he knew from movies and books.

If he and Chuuya were to kiss, for real, it had to happen on their own terms. Whenever they both felt ready. Besides, they technically weren’t even dating, and from what he knew, that was supposed to be the first step for an actual romantic relationship. If Dazai were to ask, would Chuuya say yes? There was something between them. That was certain. But it had no label and neither of them were brave enough to ask. Maybe, if this dance went well, Dazai would take the risk and make a move. But for now, they were focused on the event.

It was a nice atmosphere. People were dancing, eating snacks, having fun. Overall it was quite a relaxed atmosphere. Right now, the two boys were sitting near the wall, watching as couples moved across the dance floor, sharing a bottle of soda, leaned against one another, side by side.

“Have you danced before?” Dazai then asked. Chuuya shook his head. “The closest I’ve come to dancing was a few days ago. Kouyou insisted I at least learn the choreography before tonight, so she showed me some steps. I’m not good at it tho.” Dazai chuckled and stood up. “Don’t worry. My only experience stems from movies and books, so we’ll do great! Plus, there are so many couples here, nobody will even pay attention to us.” A new song started. Dazai held out his hand. “So, may I have this dance Chibi?~” Chuuya rolled his eyes and took his hand, letting himself be pulled up. “Sure~ Don’t step on my feet!”

The two quickly disappeared within the crowd, and as the music got louder, they got in position. Dazai’s hand found Chuuya’s waist, holding him close and secure. Chuuya’s hand rested on Dazai’s shoulder. Their free hands found one another, and soon enough, they were moving across the dance floor, somehow adapting the steps like they were second nature to them. Whether it was their natural skill or the flawless way they functioned in perfect sync, they didn’t know. Tho it was much more likely it was the latter.

“Look at you~ Seems like Kouyou’s dance lessons worked~” Dazai spoke quietly. Chuuya hit his forehead against Dazai’s collar bone in a sorry excuse of a slap so he wouldn’t have to pull back one of his hands. Dazai laughed. “Don’t laugh, asshole! You’re not bad either! Pray it stays that way!” 

The two of them turned, and moved, and simply stared at one another. The room around them faded into a blur of color. It was just them and the music, everyone and everything else forgotten. Minutes felt like hours, yet all they could see was each other. And once the music came to an end, Dazai dipped Chuuya down, and Chuuya trusted Dazai to not let him fall, ever. 

The two stayed in that position till the last part of the song went quiet, then Dazai pulled Chuuya up with a laugh and right into his arms, wrapping him in a tight embrace, resting his chin atop of his ginger curls and spinning them in slow, quiet circles as Chuuya’s breath hit his chest.

“How was that, for your first school dance?” Dazai asked softly. Chuuya’s smile was audible in his voice. “It absolutely sucked. You’re horrible. Why did you bring me here? Why did I even agree to this?” Both of them knew he didn’t mean a single word. Dazai pressed a kiss to Chuuya’s hair. The smaller boy in his arms tensed for a second, then fully relaxed and leaned his weight on Dazai.

“It was great, Osamu.” Chuuya whispered. Dazai flushed at the use of his first name. “Thanks for inviting me~ I’ll gladly be your date for any upcoming dance you wanna go to~” And if he had any doubts in their mutual feelings before, this was confirmation enough that Chuuya at least reciprocated something. Whether it was a crush, or love, Dazai couldn’t tell. But as long as he could have his beloved short Chibi in his arms, it was enough for now.

===

IV. Dazai, Chuuya, 18.

“Looks like we’ve truly made it, hm?” Dazai asked, staring over the city lights in the distance. He felt a nod from Chuuya who had his head leaned on his shoulder.

They were once again up on the tower, till this day one of their favorite places. They were huddled together with a fluffy blanket, sharing their body heat and watching over the city and everything beyond.

It was a nice evening. The last of their finals had passed and soon enough they’d be standing in front of their school, graduating and starting their life as actual, functional adults. It was a bit of a scary thought. Soon, they’d leave the orphanage they spent the past years at behind, free to roam the world, find jobs, and build their own life.

“Any post-graduation plans?” Dazai asked. Chuuya shook his head. “If I had any, you’d be the first one to know.” Dazai sighed. “Same here, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out. Tho there is one thing I’m certain of.” Chuuya smiled and looked up at him. “And that is?” He inquired. Dazai wrapped his arms around the shorter male tightly. “No matter where I go, you better stay right beside me.” He then spoke, eliciting a laugh from the other.

“You’re sweet, Osamu~ Of course we’ll stick together! You promised me, didn’t you?”

“I’ll stick around for as long as you’ll have me!”

Words spoken by a 15 year old, determined to show the boy next to him the wonders of a normal life outside of a government lab. Now, Dazai wasn’t a normal child either, neither of them were, but he could still try. And he wouldn’t stop until Chuuya’d experienced anything there was to experience.

“You still remember that, Chibi?~” He found his own voice to be so unbearably soft that he wondered just when he unlocked the ability to feel this way for anybody. “Well of course I do! And I’ll definitely hold you to it! I’m not releasing you anytime soon. Unless you want to, of course, tho that’d be really sad and kind of an asshole move from your side.” Chuuya replied, making the other laugh. “Lucky you then, darling~ I’m not going anywhere.” At that, Chuuya pulled him even closer, burying his face in Dazai’s chest. The brunette’s hands found the other’s waist, holding him in place against him, inhaling the soft scent that was just so Chuuya .

“Now then. Let’s do some more fun, normal teenager stuff while we still can, before we have to move on to doing boring, normal adult stuff!” Chuuya tilted his head. “And that would be?” Dazai passed him the keys he’d secretly stolen from Chuuya’s pocket just a few moments prior. Chuuya somehow didn’t look surprised.

“Well, we skipped dinner to come up here. So let’s go out and get some, and then we drive around aimlessly, cause some chaos here and there, mess with people, make out at the docks, it’s all stuff that I’ve seen normal teenagers do in movies!” Chuuya’s face went red. Dazai had to do a double take on his own words before he realized what he said, simply shrugging it off by sending a wink Chuuya’s way. The ginger didn’t get another word in before they were already off, climbing down the tower, getting their helmets, jumping on Chuuya’s motorbike and driving off in the night.

Somehow, they ended up at a diner near the docks. The booths were comfy and private. It wasn’t a big place, but it would be enough for them. They ordered drinks and food from the tired-looking waitress. She suddenly seemed much more awake when she saw Chuuya, a sparkle in her eyes Dazai knew all too well.

Really, he couldn’t blame her. Chuuya was the most beautiful human being in the world. But also, Chuuya was his. And as soon as he exchanged the words with his partner in a silent conversation only held with their eyes, he made a big, obnoxious show out of grabbing the ginger’s hand, staring into his eyes, feeding him the fries that came with his order, showering him with heartfelt compliments and even pressing a kiss to his cheek when he had some crumbs stuck near his mouth, absolutely flustering the smaller in the process. 

All of it happened right in front of the eyes of the poor waitress who probably simply hoped to score a cute guy’s number and instead got an absolutely disgusting amount of PDA shoved in her face by none other than said cute guy and his apparent boyfriend(?). 

And then, when she dared to inquire whether he’d like her number regardless, Chuuya replied with an overly friendly smile on his face. “I’m sorry, but my boyfriend here doesn’t appreciate strangers hitting on me!” The poor woman rushed to hand them their bill, utterly embarrassed, and Dazai even left her a tip just to apologize for what they put her through. He couldn’t deny the way his heart absolutely soared when Chuuya had referred to him as his boyfriend . It was a first, and oh boy, Dazai could very much get used to it.

The two of them left the diner, laughing loudly, hands clasped together tightly, playful knocking into each other with each step. “‘Boyfriend’, hm?” Dazai teased. Chuuya blushed. “Shut up. She wasn’t taking the hint that I’m not interested and this was the best way to make her understand. Plus, you were the one who started treating me like your lover the moment you noticed she had a thing for me!” Dazai didn’t deny it, simply shrugged. “Well, if it’s of any help, I absolutely don’t mind being referred to as Chibi’s boyfriend~ Quite the opposite actually. It feels great! And I get to claim you~” He ruffled Chuuya’s hair who simply huffed and leaned into him. 

“If you like claiming me that much… How about we go and mess around some more? I could use a drink, and maybe we get something for free if we play dumb enough! How’s that? A nudge towards a club down the street was the only indication Dazai needed to catch onto Chuuya’s plan.

“So.. we trick people into buying us something to drink…-” Dazai started.

“-…And then we reject them the moment they try anything funny! Their fault for falling into our trap!” Chuuya concluded with a grin. 

Then his grin turned into a smirk as he side-eyed Dazai. “Of course… That only works if I have an actual boyfriend there to protect me and swoop in as soon as someone dares trying to seriously flirt with me.” Dazai chuckled. “You’re a menace to society, Chuuya. I am at your service.” He did a ridiculous bow that made Chuuya laugh, and then the two of them left to walk towards the club they spotted.

Turns out it was quite a popular club. Many people of all ages were found inside and outside and Dazai was almost sure half of them weren’t even old enough to drink yet. The pair found two empty bar stools right next to one another as their plan smoothly went into phase one: Sit there, look pretty, and pretend to be friends unwinding with some drinks and music. Predictably, it didn’t take long at all for their plan to succeed. 

Dazai internally rolled his eyes as some guy who looked to be in his early twenties moved towards them, eyes set on Chuuya. Drunk, horny young adults… Truly so predictable. Dazai nudged Chuuya’s side and gave him a sign with his eyes. Chuuya’s mouth morphed into what could only be described as an evil smirk. It was gone just a moment later, as soon as the guy tapped Chuuya’s shoulder, making him turn around with an oh so innocent expression. 

Such a little shit. Dazai mused in his head as he watched the scene unfold. Chuuya was such a good actor, he might as well start a career as a movie star or model. He certainly had the looks to do such a thing.

“What’s a cute guy like you doing here in this club?” The man asked. Chuuya shrugged and leaned on the bar. “Finished my finals and came here to unwind and search for some distraction from my overused brain. Really, this is quite a nice place here.” The man’s eyes lit up. “Well, if you’re looking for distraction, I’m sure I could offer some… Here, how about I buy you a drink, what would you like?” Chuuya sent a glance of triumph Dazai’s way, making him sigh in amusement. Then the short ginger ordered one of the most expensive wines this place had to offer, causing the man next to him to go pale for a moment. Then he seemingly decided getting a shot at getting to know the cute stranger was worth his money and he paid for the drink. 

“Thank you! Turns out there really are some nice people here!” Chuuya beamed. Dazai simply watched. It was quite funny in itself. That was, until he himself felt a tap on his shoulder and turned over, just to nearly get trapped against the counter by another guy almost twice his size. In mass, that was. He raised a curious eyebrow, eyes flicking over and briefly meeting those of Chuuya. A foot nudged his own, and they hooked their legs around each other discreetly, away from the eyes of the two men that were now hitting on both of them. According to the shaking Dazai felt from Chuuya’s leg, he was struggling really hard to keep in his laughter at the ridiculous situation they placed themselves in.

“Look who’s joining me and finally making a move on someone.” The guy next to Chuuya snarled at the other man who was still caging Dazai against the counter. Dazai used the moment to move his stool back. The guy stank like unhealthy amounts of alcohol and other substances that he was pretty sure were illegal. “Just warning you, the cute redhead is mine.” The first one spoke. The second one simply scoffed. Small is cute, but I like the tall ones better.” Then he turned back to Dazai. “A drink? Order anything on the menu, I’ll pay.

Truly so desperate. Dazai thought as he gave the man a fake smile and proceeded to order whiskey. Once he got his drink as well, he flashed Chuuya a grin and while the two strangers behind them bickered over whether short or tall people were hotter, the pair clinked their glasses together in secret, hands finding one another on Chuuya’s lap. Success.

It took a couple of minutes for the argument to die down and the guys seemingly just then remembered the initial targets of their flirting. Dazai and Chuuya had already reached the collective conclusion that the two guys should just fuck each other instead of hitting on random people in clubs. They clearly knew one another well enough to forget about their goal.

“I can’t stand this guy. How about you and me go somewhere more private cutie, and leave these two here.” The first guy spoke. Chuuya sent a look at Dazai, Dazai understood. Then, he cleared his throat and smiled, sickeningly sweet, sneaking an arm around Chuuya’s shoulders. 

“I’m afraid I can’t let that happen. I’d rather not have some random guy flirt with and take away my boyfriend here~” Dazai pulled Chuuya closer, Chuuya leaned on him and joined in. “Yup! And as much as I might enjoy seeing my boyfriend jealous, I’m not a cheater!” Then, in a gesture that took Dazai completely off-guard but also not, Chuuya pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. A violent shiver ran down Dazai’s entire body, his breath hitched. God. Was this what people in the books meant by saying the neck is a sensitive place to kiss?

The two guys who bought them drinks stared at them utterly dumbfounded. “But-” One of them started. “No but.” Chuuya cut him off. “You just bought me a drink. I never offered anything in return. I just enjoy not having to pay sometimes~” Then he stood up and stretched his arms. “So, Dazai, how about it? I feel like going outside! Wanna come?” Dazai grinned and got up as well. “Sounds lovely my dear~” And then, the two of them left the club hand in hand, leaving behind the gaping men and the empty drinks neither had to pay for. 

They walked outside, arms swinging in between them. “Now wasn’t that fun? We should try that again sometimes.” Dazai cheered and leaned his weight on the other softly. Chuuya laughed, trying to push him off. “Get off me you ass! You’re heavy!” And then they were both laughing again, strolling down the street and towards the docks. Between the buildings, the sea reflected the lights of the city. Dazai dragged Chuuya along. “Come on now! I wanna see the water!” Chuuya followed him without hesitation.

They were alone at the docks. Most people were either at home or in bars and clubs around this time so their surroundings were utterly quiet. Dazai sat down, feet dangling above the water. Chuuya joined and sat right by his side. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the wind, the waves, and the distant traffic.

“You think that’s what normal people our age do?” Chuuya asked, contemplative. Dazai shrugged. “Probably, though they might jump on the opportunity to hook up and have fun with a stranger. Not me though. I’m loyal, and I only have eyes for one person.” He looked at Chuuya, expression warm. “Me too~” The shorter replied and booped Dazai’s nose with his own, expression mirroring the one of the brunette. Just like that, they stared into each other’s eyes. Words were unnecessary to understand each other’s thoughts, and so Dazai simply closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Chuuya’s. Chuuya exhaled. Warm, and soft, and Dazai knew he also closed his eyes.

“Y’know, Chibi. There’s another thing teenagers do that I believe we’ve never done before. I mentioned it earlier, remember?” Chuuya hummed. “You mean the part about kissing at the docks in the middle of the night?” A nod. Dazai’s grip on Chuuya’s hand tightened. “Well, we are at the docks and it’s night, so…”

Not another word was spoken, and then Dazai felt a pair of lips press against his own. It was soft, and clumsy. Inexperienced and experimental. But it was perfect regardless as he pressed in to return the kiss with just as much energy as Chuuya was. After a few moments, they broke apart to look into each other’s eyes. Chuuya’s free hand had somehow found its way on Dazai’s cheek, and Dazai’s own free hand was covering it softly. They shared a loving giggle, noses bumping into each other, just making them laugh more.

“Should’ve done this much sooner~” Chuuya commented. “Well, we’ve got time to catch up on all the kisses we’ve missed now that we’re boyfriends. If you’ll have me?” Dazai replied softly. 

“Dumbass.” Chuuya teased and pressed another kiss to Dazai’s lips. “My boyfriend is a dumbass if he thinks I wouldn’t want him as my boyfriend.”

The confirmation was all Dazai needed before he dove in again, pulling Chuuya close, kissing him with all the carefully stored feelings from the past three years. Chuuya kissed back with the same passion, the same longing, as if he’d been waiting for this moment just as long. Dazai grinned into the kiss and nipped at Chuuya’s lip. The little gasp that followed was everything. Dazai wanted to ingrain the sound deep into the back of his mind for all of eternity and hear it over and over again.

Slowly, he swiped his tongue across Chuuya’s now opened lips, prodding at his teeth, before full on pushing it in. It was warm, and wet, it tasted of wine and it was just so Chuuya that it might as well be his new favorite taste. Actually, screw that. It was his new favorite taste. And then, Chuuya’s tongue found his own, and it fit together so perfectly that Dazai barely even noticed the lack of oxygen until he was forced to pull away before passing out, a string of saliva connecting their lips still.

Chuuya was panting, his pupils were dilated, his lips kissed red and his gaze unfocused. Yet another side of Chuuya Dazai wanted to file away and keep in his head to remember it forever. This. He thought. This is something I want to keep all to myself.

“You okay?” He inquired softly. Chuya nodded his head. “I’m good. This is like- the best feeling I’ve ever felt, just not used to the physical strain it apparently causes.” Dazai laughed and leaned in, pecking the corner of Chuuya’s mouth. Then, to let his boyfriend breathe, he moved to kiss his cheek, then his jaw where he nipped at the skin. Chuuya squeaked in surprise before his hand came up to card through Dazai’s hair, gently pulling his head further down and tilting to the side to offer free access to his neck. Dazai didn’t need to be asked twice.

Lips trailed down Chuuya’s soft, unmarked skin. Dazai swore he’d let everyone know that this man was taken. “Hey Chuuya~” He whispered into the other’s neck, relishing in the shiver it caused. “Can I leave a mark~ Show everyone you’re mine~?” Chuuya swallowed hard. “Please, Osamu, just- do it, claim me, whatever, just do something!” Dazai laughed. “I gladly will.”

Then, he searched for a well visible spot, right above Chuuya’s choker, and bit down on the skin, eliciting a slight moan from the smaller man. The sound went straight down to his lower body, coiling into a foreign sensation he was not exactly familiar with but enjoyed nonetheless. When he started sucking on the skin, he was rewarded by another moan from his beloved chibi and once he let go, he admired the mark left behind. A smirk pulled on his lips as he leaned up to peck his lips. “For as long as that’s there, everyone will know you’re taken. And I’ll renew it day by day so it’ll never disappear~” And then, Chuuya was promptly pulled into another kiss which he reciprocated, now with even more need than before.

Dazai pushed him back, and soon enough the shorter was pinned to the floor, his tall boyfriend hovering over him, knees on either side of his hips. Chuuya pulled on Dazai’s hair, to bring him just a little closer, so close that not even an atom would fit in between their mouths. He even went as far as actively sucking Dazai’s tongue in, only breaking apart periodically to spend a few seconds catching their breaths before reconnecting once again. 

If Dazai was already utterly gone at their first kiss, then every single one of the following ones made him lose his mind more and when Chuuya’s knee came up to press in between his legs he felt himself release a noise he never even knew he was capable of producing. 

Begrudginglý, he pulled back as he knew that if they took this any further right here, it would very much fall under public indecency. And that probably wasn’t a good idea.

Chuuya looked completely out of his mind. He was panting, eyes unfocused, but still locked onto Dazai’s with a newfound warmth he knew had already been there before this day, but was now even more obvious. Dazai smiled and dove down to cover Chuuya’s face with soft pecks, making the smaller man laugh. That bright, happy laugh Dazai loved so much. And after he was certain he’d kissed every single inch on his boyfriend’s cute face, he let his full body weight drop on top of him, pulling him in a tight embrace which was swiftly returned besides the half-hearted complaints about how heavy he apparently was. Dazai wouldn’t change it for a thing.

“I love you, Chuuya.” He whispered. A hand came to run through his hair.

“I love you too, Osamu.” Came the also whispered reply. The two just laid down, cuddling, enjoying each other’s warmth.

“So, that’s what this making out thing is all about?” Chuuya asked after some time of silence. “I’m only going off of things I’ve read, really, I never exactly did it before y’know~” Dazai replied. A smirk found its way on the other’s face. “Well, since both of us have so much to learn, how about we practice some more?~” And before either of them could comment much further, their lips were already connected again.

Somehow, somewhere along the lines, the two of them ended up deciding on not going back to the orphanage for that night. They were 18, Mori wouldn’t rip their heads off.

Somehow, they ended up in a hotel instead.

Somehow, Dazai ended up being pressed against the wall and thoroughly kissed by Chuuya the moment they stepped foot into their hotel room.

A lock clicked shut.

And soon enough, all Dazai could think of were Chuuya’s lips, Chuuya’s hands all over him and Chuuya’s body under his.

The remainder of the night’s memories was filled with exploration, pleasure, and the ridiculous amount of love they held for each other.

===

V. Dazai, Chuuya, 19.

It felt strange, stepping into a space so unused, so unfamiliar. The rooms were empty, sides of some pre-installed furniture that came with the apartment. Chuuya hoped that soon enough, it would truly feel like a home. He placed another cardboard box on the ground. There weren’t that many, they didn’t exactly own a lot of things considering they’d lived in a single room with two beds for quite some time. They’d be fine, Chuuya knew they would be. They didn’t need much. And what they needed, they could buy.

Arms wrapped around him from behind and Chuuya couldn’t stop the soft smile creeping on his face. His own hand came down to cover the two familiar ones that were resting on his stomach. A kiss was pressed just beneath his ear and then a head of brown hair flopped down on his shoulder. His free hand came up to card through the soft strands, the man who glued himself to his back releasing a content sigh.

“Was that the last one?” Dazai asked, spinning himself and Chuuya around in slow circles. “Yup, that was the last one. Let’s tell the moving truck that they’re done here and then start unpacking.” He replied. Dazai whined something about refusing to let him go and Chuuya rolled his eyes in fond amusement. He’d humor his beloved partner, even if it made moving around properly unnecessarily difficult. So, he tipped the movers, wished them a nice day, and waved them goodbye all while basically dragging around a tall cape with lanky legs and arms who clung onto him tightly. Mori, who’d insisted on helping them move, was laughing. Chuuya flipped him off with a snarl, though that seemingly only made him laugh more.

They returned into the apartment, Dazai finally having the decency to stop being a backpack and instead stand right next to his boyfriend, hands intertwined. They looked around. This would be their home from this day on.

After graduating and finding well-paid jobs, the two of them now had the means to afford a life on their own. They knew Mori would most definitely allow them to stay if they wished, but they were adults now, adults with a private life. They wanted to make it through themselves.

Plus, the two also wanted a room of their own for more private reasons. Continuously booking hotel rooms because the walls in the orphanage didn’t have much of a noise suppression wasn’t getting them anywhere. Even though that wasn’t the main reason.

Obviously, they lived together. That was something clear from the start. Maybe it was already back when they were 15 that they knew they’d end up here one day. And now, it was time.

“Do you want to do the rest on your own, boys?” Mori asked, Chuuya turned over and nodded. “I think we’ll be fine from here on out. You can go back to your work, I’m sure you’ve got some stuff to do so we’re not gonna keep you here any longer.” Chuuya spoke. “By all means, it’s not every day that some of my children move out. I can sacrifice a portion of my day to make sure they get there safely. But alas, if you’re good to go, I’ll be taking my leave.” The man strode towards the door, then looked back at them again.

For a moment, he took in the scene. Osamu Dazai and Chuuya Nakahara, two kids with a difficult background he brought to his orphanage and placed together in hopes they’d get along and give each other some form of a normal reality to hold on. And now they were here, side by side, about to start their own lives in their own home, together. Mori’d always had a feeling that they’d end up as a permanent part of each other’s lives. And he was quite pleased it was working out the way it did. 

“Please, do keep me updated on how well you’re settling in, and if there’s anything you might need, don’t hesitate to tell me.” And with that, Mori left the two to their own devices.

Once he was gone, Chuuya felt Dazai squeeze his hand. He looked over and was swiftly met with lips against his own. He smiled into the kiss and reciprocated. “Wanna start unpacking?” Dazai asked softly, receiving a nod in return before the two of them got to work on the cardboard tower that was currently residing in the middle of their living room.

It had been Dazai’s idea. Sure, they could’ve asked for help, or had a moving company do everything for them such as carrying boxes and putting together furniture. But Dazai asked whether they wanted to do it alone, just the two of them. It was normal, it was domestic. It was perfect.

Whether it be the frantic search for the box with Chuuya’s clothes that he was certain was somewhere within the last boxes that were brought in, just to find it at the very bottom where the first boxes they brought in were. 

Whether it be their attempt at reading instructions to build furniture with the only issue being that the instructions simply didn’t exist in a language that wasn’t Swedish which prompted them to give up after three failed attempts and instead search for a YouTube tutorial they actually understood.

Whether it be the utter annoyance at having to assemble everything piece by piece because the company they ordered furniture from somehow only sold them in the form of puzzles that had to be solved before the simplest drawers could actually be used.

Whether it was laying on the floor in the middle of their half-assembled apartment, taking a break they simply used as an excuse to cuddle.

It was so disgustingly domestic, Chuuya almost felt like a normal person who grew up in a normal family with a normal life. He rolled over to rest his head on his partner’s chest. Dazai laughed, the sound vibrating against Chuuya’s cheek. “Feeling human yet?” He asked softly. Chuuya replied with a nod. Then, he looked up at the other softly.

“Say, mackerel, was this one of your schemes? I feel like you’re somehow always trying to bring a sense of normalcy into our lives, like we’re not both living with PTSD, Insomnia, and other unspecified issues that I’d rather not think about too much” Dazai let his head fall back and feigned defeat. “Looks like you’ve caught me… My master plan to condition you into a normal human being, ruined.” Chuuya laughed at that. Then, he looked up at his boyfriend, joy and fondness coating everything in warmth.

“Thanks, ‘Samu~” He said and pushed himself up to drop a kiss on his lips. “For always trying and succeeding in being disgustingly sweet. I don’t know how you do it, but with you I always end up feeling like I’m not trapped by whatever happened in the past.” Dazai squeezed him. “And yet… You work for the same government that once held you captive! You lead the military division that worked with your captors. Well how’s that.” Chuuya smacked his shoulder. Then pressed an apologetic kiss to where he hit him.

“The people who pulled the strings were captured and punished accordingly. I’m just sticking around to make sure that things don't happen again. Plus, you don’t get to judge my job! You’re the one working as a detective while having a brain that works a little too well for suspicious plans! You’d make a much better criminal, actually, nobody would be able to catch you.” Dazai stuck his tongue out at that. “The agency loves me and my genius brain! I’ll have you know that someone who thinks like the enemy is much more likely to figure out their plans and stop them before they succeed!” Well, Chuuya couldn’t argue with that. And he wouldn’t. He’d much rather just shut his annoying asshole partner up. Which he did, moments later, with his mouth, swallowing any words Dazai might’ve said.

Any conversation they may have had was swiftly lost to kisses. Then touch. And soon enough, they forgot about the remaining cardboard boxes for a while, opting to instead test their new bed.

===

+I. Dazai, Chuuya, 20.

Dazai found himself restless. So restless, in fact, that he couldn’t even focus on his work if he tried, instead pacing up and down in the office, much to his colleague’s dismay.

“Dazai, if you keep pacing around like that we’ll have a hole in the ground soon!” Kunikida complained. Dazai sighed, feeling the sudden urge to simply smack his head into the wall and go unconscious. His fellow agency members were watching him in confusion and slight concern.

“Dazai-san? Is everything alright? When you usually slack off-” A cough. “I mean- take a break, you’re not this nervous. Did something happen recently?” Atsushi, one of the newest Agency members, questioned. Dazai plopped down on his chair and slumped back until he almost fell to the floor. “It’s Chuuya! He’s been acting weird all week and I can’t figure out what he’s planning! Did I do something to upset him? Is something happening with him that I should know about? He usually tells me everything but whenever I ask him about what’s going on he just avoids my questions!”

The entire agency knew Chuuya, or rather, knew of Chuuya. Dazai simply wouldn’t stop swooning over who they came to recognize as his beloved boyfriend, ever. Somehow, he’d always find ways to bring the man up in any conversation, no matter what it was about. The agency had never seen him in person, only in pictures, but Dazai spoke of him like he was the most amazing invention the world ever brought forth.

“I’m sure it’s nothing bad! Maybe he’s just trying to surprise you!” Atsushi tried to comfort his co-worker. Dazai slumped further down. “But Chuuya never does surprises! So this is either something really good, or something really bad. And I wouldn’t know what to do if it were the latter.” Today, Dazai was even more nervous about the strange behavior than usual. Chuuya specifically told him to keep his evening free for the current day and Dazai, even being the genius he was, had no idea whether it’d be a good or a bad thing. 

Logically, Dazai knew he didn’t do anything to upset Chuuya. The short ginger was still as affectionate as ever, maybe even more so these past days. It was just some goddamn secret he kept avoiding to talk about and it was making Dazai go insane.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much Dazai! It’ll be fine, I’m sure!” Ranpo chimed in. And well, if Ranpo was saying so, it was difficult to have doubts. And, as on cue, Naomi walked into the office. “Dazai-San? I believe your boyfriend is here to come pick you up!” 

At that, Dazai shot up and stared at the door. Naomi beckoned Chuuya in. For a moment, Dazai noted that this was the first time Chuuya stepped foot into the office, but the thought was swiftly wiped as soon as he saw his lover.

Chuuya stood there, dressed in his fancy work clothes, holding a bouquet of red roses. His eyes lit up as soon as he saw Dazai and he strode over to his desk, uncaring of all the eyes following him. Chuuya simply smiled warmly and held out the flowers. “Hey there asshole. Brought you flowers!” Dazai, completely caught off guard, swiftly accepted the flowers as Chuuya handed them over along with a kiss to his cheek. “Red roses mean love, right? I googled it.” Chuuya mumbled quietly. Dazai’s heart melted. “Aww~ Chibi loves me!” He exclaimed loudly, uncaring that his voice still sounded so excited over a fact he’d known for years.

“Yea yea, shut up mackerel.” Chuuya grumbled. His cheeks were red, the blush soon spreading all the way to his ears. “Just come with me now alright? We’ve got some plans for this evening!” Dazai’s eyes lit up. “We’re going on a date? But I’m not appropriately dressed for one!” Chuuya simply dragged him out from behind his desk. “You always look pretty, dumbass. No need to change into more fancy clothes.” Ah, yes, Chuuya, leave it to him to compliment and then insult his lover in the same sentence. Dazai smiled and followed. “Fine then. Whatever my slug wishes~”

Chuuya looked around the agency. “Hi by the way. I’m Chuuya Nakahara. This ass here is my boyfriend which you probably know already. I gotta borrow him for the day. I’m sure you’ll do fine working without the walking bandage dispenser. If not, I don’t care. He’s mine for now.” And with that, he simply dragged Dazai out of the agency, leaving behind his utterly confused colleagues.

“Chuu~ya!” Dazai whined as they left the building. “I’ve got so much work to do!” Chuuya huffed and pulled him forward so they’d walk next to each other, slotting their hands together. “It’s not like you were actually working.” Dazai pointedly ignored what he knew to be true. Then he lit up and leaned in Chuuya’s space. “Are you finally gonna tell me about whatever secret you’ve been keeping from me the entire week?” He asked. Chuuya smirked. “We’re getting there~ For now tho, let me take you out on a date!” And who was Dazai to say no to that.

For once, they were using the car rather than Chuuya’s motorbike. It made sense, considering neither of them had helmets or truly any form of safety with them. Soon enough, Chuuya pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant that already looked like it was pulled straight from a cheesy rom-com only by its exterior. The two men stepped in and were immediately greeted by a waiter wearing a suit that looked like the most uncomfortable article of clothing in existence. “Table for two. Name’s Nakahara.” Chuuya spoke. The waiter took a look at a list and then nodded. “Please, follow me gentlemen.”

The table they were led to was just as cheesy as every other part of the restaurant. A complicated flower arrangement decorated it and once the waiter lit up the candles, Dazai and Chuuya were soon bathed in a warm, romantic glow Dazai could easily associate with These overly romantic jewelry commercials that showed happy, straight, white couples showering each other in smiles that were supposed to be romantic but simply looked amazingly fake. 

Dazai loved it.

He felt so out of place, and he knew Chuuya did too, but it was perfect because they were together and as soon as the waiter left to give them time to choose from the menu, the two of them laughed at the ridiculousness of it all.

“I read somewhere that romantic dates are a crucial part of normal, loving relationships. So I consulted the internet and scraped together tutorial after tutorial to put together a perfect, movie accurate, romantic date for us. What do you think? Is it cheesy enough?” Chuuya asked, earning more laughter from Dazai. He reached across the table to take Chuuya’s hand in his own. “It’s perfect, Chibi~ I’d say it’s an 11/10 romance movie date. Never thought I’d ever have one of those!”

While the two often went on dates, for them it was mostly simple things. Like getting ice cream, fighting for a new high score in their favorite arcade or simply taking long walks that were filled with bickering, casual insults and random games of tag. This was different. But Dazai couldn’t deny he always wanted to see what exactly it was that drove people to go to expensive restaurants with their partner.

They ordered some drinks and food, shared a bottle of wine like one of these dumb, snobby married couples they knew to be fellow guests at the restaurant. They held hands and exchanged soft words of love and appreciation before laughing and planning out their very own version of a romance movie they would definitely cringe at. They listened to- and gagged at the couple one table over whose conversations sounded like they were taken straight out of some medieval author’s romance novel and enjoyed their food as they nudged their feet together under the table in a discreet embrace.

Dazai lost track of time for how long they were sitting there and he somehow understood why this was such a popular thing to do. The atmosphere was nice. The gentle glow of the candles made Chuuya look ethereal, reflecting in his eyes and sending warm light all over his face. Chuuya truly was the prettiest person Dazai’d ever seen.

When they decided it was time to leave, the sun was about to set. Chuuya insisted on paying despite Dazai’s protest, saying that he organized the date and he was damn well gonna pay for everything. Dazai very quickly realized that there was no way he could talk Chuuya out of it and pay at least part of it himself, so he simply gave up and left it to his boyfriend who seemed more than delighted.

“Was that what this whole secret was about? A date?” Dazai asked once they left to go outside. Chuuya shook his head. “The date was part of it, but there’s something else and it’s already about to be sunset so we gotta hurry!” He replied, defaulting to once again drag his boyfriend along. And once again, Dazai followed.

The restaurant they went to was pretty far out and fairly close to the coast, which also seemed to be their final destination. Soon enough, they stood where they could see the water, just as the sun started dipping below the horizon. Dazai was absolutely mesmerized by the colors. Bright oranges, deep purples, reds, yellows, all mixing together to a beautiful painting no artist could ever replicate. 

“It’s beautiful, Chuuya.” He spoke softly and looked over at his boyfriend. “It truly is.” Chuuya agreed, making Dazai laugh at the fact that the ginger was certainly not looking at the sky, but rather at Dazai himself. “‘This another idea from one of the dating guide websites you tend to scroll through~” Dazai teased gently. “Shuddup.” Came Chuuya’s flustered reply. “I actually brought you here because I had an important question, Osamu.” Dazai raised an eyebrow, offering Chuuya his undivided attention. His cheeks are really red. Dazai noted.

“Y’know I really love you, right? As much as I may deny it, or insult you, or say dumb stuff, you’re the most important person in my life. When I was brought to the orphanage and worried about finding footing in my new life, or even just fitting into a world that isn’t a laboratory, you reached out and held my hand to help me navigate existing as a normal human being. You’re a piece of shit sometimes, and a menace, but also: You’re nice and caring and always wanted to show me great things about living a normal life. With today’s date, I wanted to give some of that back to you. That, and I also wanted to ask you to share this life with me for the rest of our time on earth.”

Dazai’s eyes went wider with every word spoken as he comprehended the situation.

“I wanna continue doing dumb things with you, I wanna exist with you by my side. I wanna go on more dumb dates and everything that comes with it ‘till the day I stop breathing. So, Osamu Dazai.”

Dazai knew what was coming, yet he somehow still felt tears prick at his eyes when Chuuya pulled out a tiny black box from his pocket and sank down to one knee. 

“Will you marry me?”

Dazai barely choked out a yes, fell to the ground in front of Chuuya and pulled him into his arms. Chuuya laughed and hugged back, pressing his face into Dazai’s shoulder. “You’re so sappy sometimes, idiot. Crying so easily…” Dazai pulled back and glared at him. “Hey! Don’t mock me for getting emotional at receiving a marriage proposal from the love of my life!” He pouted. Chuuya shook his head in amusement. “Yea, whatever. Just give me your hand so I can put this stupid ring on it. This is already embarrassing enough as is!” 

Dazai let him, watching as the ring was placed on his finger. It was made of silver, the top of it adorned by a heart-shaped diamond. When Chuuya’d gotten his ring size? He didn’t know, but it fit perfectly, so he either missed something or his fiancé just knew everything about him too well. He smiled to himself. Fiancé. He liked that word. For one moment, the two simply stared at each other, then they laughed. “Can’t believe I actually get to marry the guy I’ve been in love with since we were 15.” Dazai spoke, squeezing the other in his arms once again. “Likewise, mackerel. And yet, we’re here now. Wouldn’t change it for anything.” They shared a long, loving kiss, and then simply rested against one another, basking in their shared warmth. 

Their lives were never normal. They were a little too messed up for that, but these little moments, they were just so perfectly sweet and normal. And Dazai felt like he’d accomplished what he swore all these years ago.

I watched over Chuuya all this time. Took care of him, did whatever I could to show him the good things he deserves.

And he’d continue doing it for the rest of their lives.

On that day, Dazai swore a new oath.

I’ll make him the happiest person in the world, no matter what it takes.