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Sirius Black loved “Spin the Bottle”. The stupid little muggle game that Mary had introduced them all to at the first party of the year. It was stupid and fun and made him feel like the teenager he was instead of the young adult he would soon be. He loved the casual voyeurism of it and how sometimes when two people kissed they had chemistry that no one expected. He loved how many people looked at him with hunger in their eyes when he spun the bottle, their casual adoration feeding him like a hearty meal. He loved how when the bottle did fall on him, and more often than not, the person's eyes were filled with joy and thanks. When their lips finally met, they possessed a needy air that he was oh so willing to meet.

He also loved how much Remus hated it. As soon as it was brought up, the quiet boy with the serious eyes and quiet demeanour would scrunch up his nose and immediately try to run. He would eventually be brought into the fold and sit with his eyes cast downward at his feet, refusing to watch the spectacle all around him. Every once in a while, the bottle would stop in his direction and he would look up in abject terror; his cheeks growing redder with every step forward the intended kisser took.

It was the same no matter who it was, boy or girl, friend or foe, every prospective kiss was treated precisely the same. It wasn’t particularly surprising to Sirius that he would treat it this way. Remus was always hesitant toward the prospect of love, not willing to believe that anyone could love him, as broken as he was. Hence, it had become Sirius’s goal in life to convince him that he was the most lovable in existence. Which was why every pair of lips that touched his, filled Sirius with an eager kind of joy that he couldn’t quite place.

Of course, Remus’s state of mind was not helped by the cane he was now toting around the school. His latest full moon had been traumatic to say the least. He had woken up with his right leg covered in blood, several large gashes severing right through his thigh. Madam Pomphrey had healed it as best she could, but the trauma to the muscle had been extensive and she had chosen a method with a much longer recovery to reduce the amount of scarring and future mobility issues.

That night he had returned to the dorm with a cane and a very sombre expression that rarely left his face. Sirius, however, thought the cane was the coolest thing he had ever seen. Remus now resembled all the wicked nefarious villains, from the Noir detective novels Sirius had been reading over the holidays. When Sirius suggested as much Remus’s face fell into such an acerbic stare that it gave Sirius the chills. This only served to further cement the resemblance in Sirius’s mind and made him comment on it even more, much to Remus’s chagrin.

Which was why on this particular night, with Remus sitting cross legged on the edge of the circle, his cane resting against his knees, Sirius was particularly keen to prove his lovableness. As usual, when it was his turn all eyes fell upon Sirius with that heady mix of admiration and arousal, but when the bottle stopped its torturous spin Sirius let out a shout of exaltation.

At the sound, Remus looked up and saw the bottle pointed straight at him. Instead of the bashful glances and bright red cheeks Sirius had been expecting, a red-hot glare landed straight on him. As Sirius plopped himself down in front of Remus, those amber eyes never left him, as though he thought they could bore a hole straight through the back of Sirius’s skull.

Remus sneered, his annoyance at Sirius’s earlier comments still clearly evident. “Come to get a taste of the dark side?”

Sirius shivered. No one could be as quietly menacing the way that Remus could. It churned him up inside and made his stomach flutter. He crept forward until his arms were on either side of Remus’s hips, his face mere inches away.

“Yes please,” he murmured as he raised one hand and buried a fist in Remus’s hair, yanking him forward until their lips touched.

Remus stiffened instantly, his lips a hard line against Sirius’s own. It was so different to every other person Sirius had seen him kiss. All those other times, he had melted instantly into it, as though any sort of affection was like a drug that he couldn’t get enough of. This time, Remus made a valiant attempt to hold onto his anger but only moments later his muscles relaxed and he melted into Sirius with a small gasp. As soon as Remus opened his mouth, Sirius deepened their kiss, relishing in the delicious slide of his lips and pushed his tongue inside.

The moment their tongues touched Remus let out a moan that went straight to Sirius’s groin. The sound had him hard in moments and Sirius was finding it difficult to pull himself away. He was soft and pliant under Sirius’s attentions. Each swipe of his tongue had Remus chasing after him with tiny subtle movements that simply asked for more. Before he knew it Sirius was getting closer and closer until their chests were almost touching. Sirius’s knees right up against Remus’s.

A loud cough and a round of laughter brought him back into himself. He pushed back and looked down at Remus who looked thoroughly kiss drunk, his lips wet and eyes glazed. Sirius couldn’t help the wide beaming smile that crossed his face as he surveyed his handiwork. When Remus finally seemed to realise the kiss was over he looked up at Sirius who was still hovering above him with wide eyes. With a groan, Remus threw himself backwards and buried his face in his hands.

Sirius was tempted to lean down and place a kiss on the back of them when Mary pulled on his arm. “Come on Sirius, you’ve had your fun, leave poor Moons to his mortification.”

Sirius let himself be ushered back to his seat with a round of catcalls and pats on the back. The game continued with its usual finesse, but Sirius couldn’t help but find his gaze wandering over to where his friend still lay back with his face hidden. Lily had leant down to whisper in his ear and Remus had turned to take in her confidence. From where Sirius was sitting, he could see Remus’s ears painted bright red, and it gave him a certain sense of accomplishment to know that it was he who had made it happen.

After a few moments, Remus and Lily excused themselves from the game and went to sit in a corner and play chess. The pair played a few games before Remus excused himself to go to bed, his cane knocking loudly on each stair as he left. As Sirius watched him leave, he realised that the few games of spin the bottle they had been playing were not enough.

Remus deserved more love than a snog from one of their monthly gatherings. He deserved all the love and Sirius was going to make it happen.

By the time Sirius made his way into the Great Hall for breakfast, he was full of jitters. He couldn’t wait to see how his plan was shaping up and was finding it difficult not to break into a run. A pushed open the huge double doors and hurried over to the Gryffindor table, where Remus was surrounded by girls, who were each taking turns to press a kiss onto Remus’s cheek. Lily was the last, wrapping her arm around Remus’s bony shoulder and whispering in his ear before pressing her own kiss onto his skin. By the time he was left alone, his face was again red, with the tips of his ears an astonishing scarlet colour.

For a moment Sirius considered following their lead and keeping his kiss friendly and sweet but that really wasn’t his style.

He stopped just behind Remus’s left shoulder and said, “Morning, Cassanova.”

Remus whirled around his eyes blazing. “You!”

He was scrambling in his seat with his cane falling loudly to the floor when Sirius swooped in and pressed a kiss to his lips. It was exactly the same as yesterday, Remus’s stiffness giving away to soft compliance and tiny noises of want. This time, however, Sirius kept it short and sweet letting their lips part after only a matter of seconds. He didn’t want to leave himself hard and wanting with a full day of classes ahead of him.

Remus wavered drowsily in his chair before flopping forward onto the table with his head in his hands. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Sirius rubbed a hand across his back trying not to think about how warm he felt. “You deserve it, Moons. I can think of no one else more lovable.”

James beamed at Sirius from across the table. James, had been waging a war against Remus’s depressive tendencies for years. He had been the first to realise that Remus was a werewolf and the first to tell him that he didn’t care, he loved him no matter what, and when the moons had begun to get worse and Remus’s injuries greater, he had been the staunchest supporter of Sirius’s crazy Animagus plan. Sirius could always rely on James when it came to helping him make Moons happy.

Which is why he had been so supportive of Sirius’s grand plan for today.

“Come on Moons,” he admonished. “You got a kiss from my girl even before I did.”

The muffled sound of Remus’s voice came from underneath his hands. “I didn’t ask her to.”

“Oh, cheer up Remus,” Sirius cajoled. “It’s not going to stop until you admit your myriad of admirable qualities.”

Remus’s head shot up from the table like a shot. “What!? This is going to keep happening?”

Sirius grinned a wide toothy smile. “Yep,” he replied, popping the ‘p’.

He slid into the seat next to Remus, their shoulders brushing as he reached forward to grab a piece of toast. Remus stiffened at the contact and leaned away and James gave him a quick grin before digging into his own breakfast. Pete had not even looked up from his, content to simply be pulled wherever the others take him.

Remus would come around, eventually.

The next morning Sirius heard Remus attempt to shuffle quietly out of bed. His cane clicked on the stone floor and as the door to the bathroom closed behind him, Sirius could hear the others rousing. Peter drowsily completed his morning routine as James stepped out into the blank space in the middle of the room and stretched out to ease his frozen muscles.

This meant that by the time Remus had left the bathroom, James was right there to drag him into a giant bear hug and a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Remus grimaced and tried to push him away, but James had already danced back to grab his quidditch gear.

Remus pretended to wipe the side of his face as he glared at James. “I literally just washed.”

James pulled on his practice uniform and headed for the door. “And I bestowed upon thy cheek my tender kiss.” He bowed theatrically.

Remus snorted. “Save the theatrics for Lily.”

James grinned again and left. Remus sat down to pull on his socks and shoes and Peter got up to take over the bathroom. As he passed by Remus he bent down and pressed a kiss into Remus’s hair.

“Good morning, Moony,” he yawned.

Remus looked up at him with a small smile. “Good morning, Pete.”

Peter nodded and shuffled off into the bathroom with little fanfare. Remus watched him go with a fond expression.

“So, it’s ok when Wormtail does it?” Sirius teased.

Remus stiffened, then turned slightly so that he could see Sirius emerging from his bed. His eyes widened before he turned back again and began to gather his things.

“It’s not the same. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s just being pulled along by you two and your ridiculous games.”

Sirius stood and ran a hand through his hair as he scratched at his bare chest. “If you don’t like it, you can always ask them to stop. We’re not monsters, Remus.”

Remus made a break for the door, his bag slung over his shoulder and his cane clicking along the ground. Sirius surged forward and grabbed at Remus’s other arm. “Wait! You haven’t had my kiss yet.”

Remus ripped his arm away as he turned to face Sirius, his back to the door as his hand retreated to fist around the handle of his bag. “I thought you just said you weren’t a monster.”

Sirius leered at Remus, looking at him through his long lashes. “Don’t pretend like you had any intention of telling me to stop.”

He stepped forward until Remus’s back hit the door and caged him in with his arms on either side. “What? That’s... I was just...”

Sirius didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence and lowered himself down to kiss him. His lips were chapped, as though he had been chewing them in earnest all night. As usual, his body was stiff and unyielding for the first few seconds before he melted with a sigh, his cane clattering to the floor as his arms came up to rest on Sirius’s biceps.

That simple act of contact lit a fire with Sirius. He felt a need so great that it was burning its way through his sternum. He began to push forward, his hand sliding off the wall so that he could grasp onto Remus’s curls. The noises Remus made were obscene, shooting right through Sirius’s body down to his cock.

Sirius felt like he was filled with need. He tilted his head to open his mouth further. He wanted more. He let his arm bend until his elbow was flush with the wall. He could feel the heat from Remus’s body. If he just let himself get a little closer… This was getting out of hand, but he couldn’t stop himself, he wanted as much as Remus was willing to give and he would take and take until…

Behind him, Peter opened the door to the bathroom and dropped everything he was carrying in surprise. “Sirius!” he cried out in admonishment.

Sirius broke off the kiss and turned to face Peter, an outraged expression on his face. “What the fuck, Peter!?”

Peter held his hands out wide. “What! You’re torturing him. Just leave him alone!”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” Sirius objected. “Remus tell–”, but when he turned back to where Remus had been, the door was open, and Remus was gone.

He hadn’t even heard the cane which meant he must have picked it up and staggered down the stairs without it. Sirius’s heart dropped in his chest. He had enjoyed it, hadn’t he? Surely the sounds he was making meant something.

“Yeah. I have no idea what I’m talking about.” Peter snarked. When Sirius turned around Peter was furiously picking up his clothes and muttering. “I thought this thing was supposed to be about showing Remus how much we loved him.”

Sirius closed the door. “It is!” he protested. “I am showing him how much I love him.”

Peter had finally managed to collect up all his things and deposit them onto his bed. He stomped around angrily shoving his things into his trunk and packing his bag.

He snorted. “You’re using him.”

“What?” Sirius asked, standing by his bed with a shocked look on his face.

Peter sighed as he slung his bag on his shoulder. “You haven’t been with anyone in a while, and you’re bored and horny and you’re taking it out on Remus. He’s not just some one-night stand Sirius. Someone you’re going to use for ten seconds and then get bored of. It’s Remus and if you’re not careful he’s never going to forgive you.”

Peter stomped out of the room without waiting for Sirius’s reply. Sirius sat down heavily on the bed. He wasn’t playing around with Remus. He really did want to make him feel loved and special and not broken. He couldn’t help it that every time he touched Remus’s skin he felt infected by his scent. He wanted to bury his nose in the crook of his neck and breathe him in like a drug.

It was just so different with Remus. Sirius had kissed boys before. The most frequent example being James. When they were younger, they had experimented quite a bit with each other. It had never been anything more than physical and neither of them had wanted it to be anything more. James had simply been too caught up in his adoration of Lily and Sirius was never serious about anything in the first place. He was sixteen and recently away from home and didn’t want to think deeply about anything ever again.

Whilst it had been nice and certainly helped to take the edge off his raging teenage hormones, they had put a stop to it when they got back to school. James didn’t want anything to come between his pursuit of Lily and Sirius just wanted to have fun.

Which made Peter all the more right in his assertions. Everyone knew where he stood on the topic of serious relationships. Everyone. It’s no wonder Peter was angry at him. He had been pushing and the signs that Remus was uncomfortable, had been there from the start.

Sirius stood up a little straighter as the resolution came into his head. It couldn’t stay this way. He had to make it right. Remus deserved that much.

Of course, after that Remus avoided him. He wasn’t at lunch or dinner and crept into bed whilst Sirius was in the bathroom, his curtains closed tight and warded when Sirius emerged. Sirius had lain awake all night. He listened intently for the slightest hint of a sound to make it out of that fortress, but in the early hours of the morning he had fallen asleep and by the time he woke up Remus was gone.

When he came down to breakfast searching for Remus, several people who were in on the affair stopped to tell him that Remus had respectfully asked them to stop.

At least, Remus had been listening to him yesterday and had started to set his own personal boundaries. However, it stung that one of those boundaries was the complete lack of Sirius’s presence.

James had been coy about it when Sirius asked him. He had been loading his plate with breakfast: tomatoes, mushrooms and a healthy serving of bacon, his eyes resolutely focused on his plate.

“He just needs a bit of space.”

“Does he hate me?” Sirius asked with a dejected pout.

James finally looked up at him, his expression pained. “He doesn’t hate you.” He sighed and took his glasses off his face to clean them with his shirt. “You just took it a little far is all.”

Lily popped into the seat next to Sirius and pressed a kiss into his cheek. “Hey, sweet boy.”

“Lily,” Sirius admonished, “you’re supposed to be kissing Remus.”

Lily laughed, the sound a joyful tinkle in the cavernous hall. “I’ve already presented Mr Moons with my kiss this morning.”

Sirius’s head snapped toward her. “You’ve seen Remus? Where?”

Lily waggled a finger at him, her red hair shining in the golden morning light streaming through the large stained-glass windows. “I will never reveal my secrets.”

Sirius slumped back onto the table and buried his head in his hands. How long was he going to have to wait? It had been more than twenty-four hours now and Sirius was really starting to feel worried. He didn’t think that Remus would hold this against him, but they had only just started being friends again. Remus had only just forgiven him for the prank with Severus, and he didn’t think he could handle another bout of Remus’s rage.

The day passed by in a blur. Sirius saw Remus in classes but he was always sitting with Lily or Peter and hadn’t said a word to Sirius, who looked sullenly at his back in whatever room they were in. To further rub salt in the wound, Lily continued to lavish Remus with kisses whenever he was not looking, and he hadn’t asked her to stop once. It was blatant double standards and Sirius was almost bursting with rage over the injustice of it all.

At lunch, he had complained bitterly to James, who he thought would at least share his ire given that it was the object of his affections after all, but he simply looked with a lovesick expression and said, “She’s wonderfully kind isn’t she?”

Sirius began to seriously question his sanity. He had always been crazy about the witch. Always. He had even gone so far as to shout her name out loud when they had made out the last time. With Sirius’s hand wrapped around his cock and Sirius’s lips on his neck. Sirius had thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard and fell back on James’s bed laughing as the other boy sheepishly wiped his cum off his chest.

In frustration, Sirius stormed off. He sat in silence during the rest of the day's classes but when he attempted to follow Remus from their last one, Remus simply disappeared into thin air. It didn’t matter, Sirius was determined to track Remus down and he would not stop until he found him. He had of course already been to the library several times, but the place was a rabbit warren, and Remus was far more familiar with its layout than he was. After another pass, Sirius was just about ready to give up, when he saw someone familiar and totally unexpected.

Regulus made his way quietly through the rows of bookshelves, looking around sheepishly. His younger brother had been a bone of contention in Remus and Sirius’s relationship for a long time. Remus believed the boy to be young and shy, too frightened to leave his home. Sirius believed him to be a big-headed traitor who would rather pander to their monstrous parents than leave with his brother who actually loved him. It was a long-standing argument with no real winner.

Sirius cast a disillusionment charm on himself and followed Regulus as he made his way through the maze to an alcove far at the back where Remus was studying by himself at a quiet table. Sirius looked around and knew with certainty that without a guide he would never be able to find his way back here again. At least, Regulus was someone he could bribe or threaten to show him the way.

He was about to step forward and confront Remus when Regulus cleared his throat and shyly tucked a strand of hair behind his hair.

“Hey Remus,” the younger boy murmured whilst shyly looking up through his eyelashes.

Remus looked up and gave Regulus a smile that Sirius had never seen before. It was kind and fond and soft. Remus had never looked at him that way in the entire time they had known each other, their relationship being one of fire and flashes of emotion. Remus gestured to the seat next to him which Regulus took, slowly placing his bag on the table.

Regulus bit his lip. “Why has everyone been kissing you lately?”

Remus froze at the question, his expression pained. After a moment he sighed and rubbed his forehead with his hand. “Sirius is trying to prove a point.”

Regulus innocently continued his line of questioning, leaning forward into Remus. “What point?”

When Remus looked up, Regulus’s face was only inches away and Sirius could see him colour that beautiful pink. The one that he always wanted to see. That he needed to see.

Remus let out a quiet laugh. “That I am lovable.”

“Oh!” Regulus blushed a bright pink. “Is it working?”

Remus sighed and cast his eyes down to where Regulus’s hands were twining themselves in front of him on the desk. “It’s probably having the opposite effect actually.”

Very low, so low that Sirius barely heard it Regulus whispered, “I think you’re very lovable.”

Remus looked up and met Regulus’s eyes. “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”

Regulus smiled, his eyes flicking from Remus’s lips to his face and back. “What’s it like?”

Remus’s eyebrows flew into his hairline as he asked, “What’s what like?”

Regulus wriggled in his chair and looked away. “Kissing. I’ve… I’ve never done it before.”

Remus’s eyes were wide, and Sirius could see him consider it for a moment before he cocked a finger under Regulus’s chin and tilted it up. “Would you like to find out?”

Regulus pulled in a breath, his eyes flickering rapidly, before he breathed out, “Yes.”

With a gentleness and confidence Sirius hadn’t known Remus possessed, he pressed his lips to Regulus’s. The smaller boy melted into him, fisting his hands in his jumper and pulling him down closer. Remus’s hand came around to cup Regulus’s back and that was all Sirius saw before everything went red.

Before he could think, he cast a silent knockback jinx at the bookcase opposite, so that several books tumbled down onto the floor.

Regulus jumped back away from Remus, his eyes wide and full of fear. “I have to go,” he muttered as he hastily collected his books and ran from the area.

When Sirius turned back to Remus, he was looking straight at him with a hard expression on his face. “Was that really necessary? It’s highly likely that was his first time and you’ve ruined that for him.”

“What the fuck was that?” Sirius screeched. “You object vehemently to kissing half the school and I come here and find you kissing my brother.”

Remus stood, knocking back the chair he was sitting in with force, snatching the cane up from where it lay nearby. “Yes!” he exclaimed, casting a muffliato on the area as he stormed forward. “Yes! Your brother who is frightened and so deeply closeted, he probably doesn’t even know why he said yes, just then. Your brother, who is terrified of what will happen if people find out that he is so desperately gay, that he won’t even admit it to himself. The brother who is now probably hiding in his room in a little ball, in case someone saw him just then. That brother.”

“He could have come with me!” Sirius shouted, “He could be happily gay if he were living with me and James.”

When Remus got close enough to touch, he shoved Sirius’s shoulder hard. “He had just turned fifteen! And you asked him to leave the only home he had ever known.”

“So, what!?” Sirius pushed back making Remus stumble sideways into a bookcase to prevent himself from falling, his cane firmly gripped in a white hand. Sirius was shouting, his voice filling the small space with his rage. “You took it on yourself to educate him? He’s sixteen! Think you can convince him to run away with you?”

“I was showing him kindness.” Remus snapped as he pushed himself back up, leaning heavily on his cane. “Something you know very little about.”

Sirius reached up to pull at his own hair, tugging until he could feel the sting of it. “You’re driving me insane! This whole stupid thing was to try and show you kindness. I’m trying to show you how much everyone loves you but you’re just too blind to see it.”

All the rage was bubbling around in Sirius’s stomach. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. All he could see was Remus leaning down until his lips brushed Regulus’s and the whole thing was making him sick. He needed to fix it. To erase what he had seen. Replace it with something else.

So, he did the very thing he had told himself he wouldn’t do.

He slammed into Remus, hard, sandwiching him between his own body and the bookcase. His hands were scrabbling for purchase, one on Remus’s hip to hold him in place and one on the back of his neck, pulling him down and kissing him. It was a furious, angry kiss that had Remus fisting his free hand in Sirius’s shirt and holding him there.

Buoyed on by the fact that he hadn’t pushed him away Sirius attacked him with a frenzy. Kisses turned to nips and bites before he kissed his way down Remus’s neck and sucked in the skin trying to mark him with his teeth and his breath. Remus moaned, a low drawn-out sound that sent a jolt of pure white through Sirius’s vision and turned his cock into a rod made of steel.

He wasn’t thinking. He was like a runaway train governed only by the thoughts of how Remus felt and how much Sirius wanted more. In a less than cognisant move Sirius pushed his knee between Remus’s legs and leaned in until his thigh brushed against Remus’s cock. It was just as hard, if not harder than his own and he desperately wanted to touch it.

However, the moment Sirius’s thigh pushed in, Remus froze and then started desperately pushing at Sirius.

“Stop it, Pads.” He murmured into Sirius’s ear as Sirius worked his way up to bite Remus’s ear. He shuddered and then he said it again. “Pads, you need to stop.”

His ears felt like they were underwater, the words muffled and indistinct, so full was his brain of the roaring need to have more. Remus moaned again, making Sirius brush against him once more before he was suddenly stumbling backward hard, his chest hurting from where Remus had pushed him as hard as he could.

“I said to stop it Pads!” Remus panted, his pants painfully tented, and his cane once again discarded on the floor. He took two deep breaths and reached down to pick it up, his hands shaking as he pushed back upright. He hobbled over to the desk and gathered his things in moments.

Sirius pushed himself up and tried to help him, but Remus held out a hand. His voice sounded strained, and he refused to lift his head. “Just leave it, Pads.”

“Remus.” Sirius licked his lips, still unsure exactly what had caused him to lose it like he had. “I… I didn’t mean…”

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Remus snapped. As he hobbled from the room, his cane clicking on the stone he snapped back over his shoulder. “That’s part of the problem.”

When Sirius woke up the next day, he felt terrible. He had somehow managed to make things worse and he didn’t even really understand what had brought him here in the first place. All he wanted was for Remus to feel better, and he was pretty sure that Remus had never felt worse at this point. He just hadn’t been able to stand it when he had seen Remus kiss Regulus.

Remus had never kissed him like that or even looked at him like that, and it made him mad. It made him want to push Remus down and chain him to the floor so that no one ever touched him like that again. He made a frustrated noise and pushed his palms into his eyes. It didn’t make sense. The whole point of this thing was to prove to Remus that many people loved him. It was completely against the point of the whole thing if he didn’t want anyone to touch him.

He pushed open the curtains and came face to face with James who was sitting on his bed and glaring at him with his arms crossed. “What did you do?”

Sirius groaned and fell backwards back into bed. “Not you too.”

James stood up and came over to Sirius’s bed sitting down and leaning over so that his arms caged him in. “I’m serious. What. Did. You. Do?”

Sirius sighed. A part of him was still relishing the feel of what he did with Remus last night. The heady intoxication of it. The way he felt under his fingertips and rubbing against his thigh. The noises he made had filled up his consciousness and he could hear them repeating over and over again.

“I kissed him,” he said simply.

“What!?” James exclaimed. “That was literally the one thing you were not supposed to do. What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking. Okay!” Sirius snapped, pushing his arms away. “I saw him kissing Regulus and my whole vision went red. Nothing I did had any thought involved in it at all. Their lips touching kept reappearing in my mind and the only thing I could think of to get rid of it was replacing it with my own. Then I was on him and it was hot and blurry and I had never felt like that before in my life. I could barely breathe. I could barely think. I don’t know what came over me.”

James's eyes had grown as wide as dinner plates and his eyebrows retreated into his hairline. “You have no idea what’s going on?”

Sirius shot him a filthy look. “No. It’s like I’m drugged when I’m around him.” Sirius’s eyebrows shot up. “You don’t think I’ve been drugged, do you?”

James tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in disgust. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Hey!” Sirius yelled, punching James in the shoulder.

Rubbing his shoulder James stood up and walked back over to his own bed, gathering up his supplies to get ready for school. “You don’t think you could just simply be attracted to him?”

Sirius snorted. “Everyone is attracted to Moony. He’s gorgeous. Has been since he had that growth spurt in fifth year.”

James stopped to stare at him again. “Hang on. Did you just say you’ve found him attractive since fifth year?”

Sirius felt his cheeks burning as he spluttered, “Everyone has!”

A ghost of a smile passed across James’s face. “Perhaps some more than others.”

Sirius grunted and flopped back down into his bed again. Of course Remus was attractive. He was tall and lean and had those amber eyes that glowed in almost any light. He was sweet to everyone. A kind word here and a helping hand there. He would face down anything to help those he cared about, having more than once stood up to people who were trashing Sirius’s name or bullying Peter.

How could anyone not find Remus attractive? He really shouldn’t even be mad at Regulus. How could he not fall for him? He had far more in common with him than Sirius had. A shared love of books and learning and that shyness. Whereas, what did Sirius and Remus share? Other than a third of a lifetime in each other’s company, a series of comedic events and a life-changing secret that could never be told?

He sighed. Remus really should just go and be with his brother. Maybe he could finally convince him to leave and they could be family again. Though it would hurt, he couldn’t deny that it would make sense. Remus could be Regulus’s saviour and he would love him until the end of his days.

He rolled back over in bed and pulled the sheets over his head.

He hadn’t intended to force a confrontation with Remus. In fact, after having pretended to be sick and spending all day moping in bed, he hadn’t expected to see Remus at all. He had expected to be accosted some more by James, maybe harangued by Pete and possibly teased by Lily. He hadn’t thought Remus would want anything to do with him.

He heard his cane before anything else. The loud clacking sound it made on the stone was audible even from where he was buried under his pillow. It stopped just beside his bed, and he felt the mattress dip as Remus sat beside him, his hand landing on his shoulder.

“Sirius.”

Sirius emerged from the pillow slowly, blinking as the light attacked his eyes. Above him, Remus looked pained, his face unusually pale with chapped lips and dark circles under his eyes. His expression was stiff and shuttered, and Sirius hated that he was the one who had caused it. He desperately wanted to pull him into his arms and make everything better, even though that was exactly how they had gotten into this position in the first place.

“Remus, I’m sorry for…”

“Don’t.” Remus held up his hand as he sucked in a deep breath. “Just… Just let me say my piece. James asked me to come speak to you. He said that you’re an idiot and you don’t understand any of this and that it was cruel.”

Sirius sagged for a second before he pulled himself up until their eyes were level. “I am not an idiot.”

Remus huffed out a laugh before he schooled his features and turned to face Sirius. “I don’t want to kiss someone who doesn’t love me.” He said the words slowly as though he wanted to make sure that Sirius understood them.

Sirius objected. “But I do love you.”

Remus let out a ragged breath as he closed his eyes for a moment. When he reopened them, he clarified, “No. I don’t mean that kind of love Sirius. Not the love that occurs between friends.” He paused, his eyes desperately scanning Sirius’s face. “I’m talking about the kind of love that you get between lovers.”

“Oh.”

Those words hit Sirius hard. Remus only wanted to kiss his lovers. He felt his cheeks heat and he desperately fisted his hands in the sheets. His head was flooded with images of Remus with other people. Mystery lovers who twined together with him in plain white sheets.

“I…” Sirius licked his lips and tried again. “You only want to kiss people who you’re fucking?”

“What?” Remus’s eyes went wide and his gaze flicked down to Sirius’s lips. “No. That’s not–”

“I would though.” Sirius blurted out, interrupting Remus. “I would fuck you. I… I want to fuck you.”

Remus froze, his eyes blown dark and his mouth gaping. Sirius gathered his legs up underneath him and grabbed Remus’s hand. He leaned forward on the other, into Remus so that he could rest his head on his shoulder.

“I’m… I’m not playing with you. I want more than this. I want to run my tongue over every one of your scars.” Below him, Remus let out a ragged breath. “I want to suck your nipples into my mouth and bite them with my teeth.” Sirius’s mind flooded with imagery. Remus coming apart underneath him in a million different ways. “I… I want to take your dick down the back of my throat. I’ve never done it before, but I feel like I would like it if it was you.” Remus shuddered and his free hand came up to fist into Sirius’s pyjama top.

“Oh God.” Remus’s voice was soft and so quiet, that if his mouth hadn’t been right next to Sirius’s ear, he didn’t think he would have heard it.

Sirius moved Remus’s hand to the bed and slid onto his lap until he was straddling Remus’s knees. Remus looked up at him with a face of pure adoration. Sirius tentatively slid his hands up Remus’s chest and cupped his face between his palms. He leaned forward until they were mere inches away from each other, Remus’s breath warm against his lips.

“I want to kiss you,” Sirius pleaded. “Please Remus, you’re driving me crazy. I’ve only been able to think about you for days.”

Remus closed his eyes and whispered under his breath. “I… Sirius, I...”

“Please,” Sirius whimpered.

He had started trembling, his limbs struggling to stay still, not until Remus said yes. Not until he was allowed.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he cursed, his hands falling to Sirius’s hips and holding him fast.

“You know you want to,” Sirius blabbered as he shuddered with the effort in trying to stay still. “Please let me kiss you.”

“Okay.” It was no more than a breath, almost nothing but air, yet it was everything.

Sirius slammed their lips together wrapping his arms around Remus’s neck. Remus pulled him flush against him and Sirius felt Remus’s hard cock against his own. He groaned, a low broken sound, filled with need. Unbidden, Sirius’s hips bucked, making them both gasp.

“Fuck,” Sirius cursed, as he bucked against Remus again. “Can you see what you’re doing to me?”

“Sirius,” Remus said, the words falling off his lips like a plea. “Oh God… Sirius... Hold on... I can’t…”

With great strain and effort, Sirius put some space between them, coming to rest on Remus’s knees. Remus was breathing heavily, his stare glazed and vacant. He let out a breath.

“Yes, Remus?”

Remus shook his head and cleared his expression. “I don’t want to be like James.”

“What?” Sirius asked, furrowing his brows.

Remus’s hands were clenching and unclenching at Sirius’s hips as though he couldn’t decide whether to hold on or let go. “I know about you and James. I don’t want that. I don’t want sex just for the sake of it.”

“Oh.” Sirius puffed out, again taken aback by this puzzle called Remus Lupin. Isn’t this what lovers do? Kiss each other. Hold each other. Fuck. “What do you want? What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?”

He slid back, putting his feet down one by one until he was standing in front of where Remus sat on the bed.

“I just don’t think you fully understand–”

Sirius interrupted, his voice bordering on hysterical. “You don’t get to tell me what I do and do not understand! I love you! I think in a way I always have.”

Remus stood, wobbling unsteadily, his hands outstretched. “Sirius, I’m not human. I’m always going to be one step just on the outside of civilisation. Being with me is not going to be easy. I can’t just let my feelings decide what’s right for me. I need to make sure whoever it is that I get into a relationship with understands that.”

Sirius gaped at him. He didn’t know how they had got to this. Only minutes ago Sirius had been as close to heaven as he ever thought he’d get. Nothing affected him like the feeling of Remus in his arms. The way he lit up all the dark spaces inside him.

He screamed in frustration. “Why won’t you let me love you? I’ve tried so hard to show you that you are lovable. I know it wasn’t the most elegant or subtle way but I’m not elegant. If there is a rule to be broken I normally fall straight through it. I can’t write you a sonnet worthy of a poet or a speech that will move you.” He gestured up and down his body. “This is all I have and if that’s not enough for you, you may as well go find Regulus, he can do all those things for you and maybe... Maybe you being in his life will bring him back to me as well.”

Sirius knew that the tears were falling down his face because his eyes were burning. He angrily wiped them away with his palms as he turned and stormed into the bathroom. He knew he was being impulsive and letting his temper get the better of him but he wasn’t thinking. The crushing weight of Remus’s rejection was aching inside his chest. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and his vision was going black.

He sat against the closed door with his arms wrapped around his knees.

Remus banged on the door behind him.

“Sirius! Sirius, please come out. We need to talk about this.”

Remus’s voice was a broken choke that he could barely hear through the wood. Sirius wanted to open the door but he didn’t think he could handle the distance that Remus was putting between them. He wanted no space. He wanted Remus’s skin against his fingers and between his teeth. If he had to watch him from the other side of the room, he didn’t think he could bear it.

Remus pounded on the door for a long time. Even after Sirius put his hands over his ears, he could hear the vibrations through the wood. It didn’t matter. Remus didn’t want him. Remus didn’t think Sirius could cope with the world he had to live in and that towering rejection was all that Sirius could think about.

Eventually, Remus stopped, and it was quiet. Sirius waited a long time. He sat there shivering against the cold floor until the moon was high in the sky and the only light was the silvery dapples coming through the window. He eventually stood and walked over to it.

There was no way out. The window was narrow and barred and the drop was deathly. Besides, he was freezing cold and he didn’t have any way to get down the tower. He turned back from the useless endeavour and went back to the door. He stood and contemplated what lay on the other side.

He opened it slowly, not sure what to expect, but still terrified that Remus remained, angrily waiting for him.

Instead, a limp body flopped down onto the floor as he opened it. It was Remus. He must have been sitting with his back against the wood and fallen asleep. Neither of them had been getting proper rest for the last week and with Remus’s condition it was no surprise that he had succumbed to sleep first.

Even now he looked beautiful, his soft hair curling away from his face.

“He refused to move.”

Sirius glanced up in shock to see James sitting on his bed watching them. A ghostly apparition in the dark.

“He can’t stay there,” Sirius fussed. “His leg is always worse in the cold.”

James’s expression softened. “It’ll be okay. We’ll just wake him up and” –

Sirius jumped back. “No!”

James frowned. “What...?”

“I can’t touch him.” Sirius pulled at his hair until his scalp screamed at him to stop. “I can’t. It’s too painful.”

Sirius walked to his chest and pulled out some clothes, shoving them into his bag. James stood and looked between the two of them as if unsure which way to turn.

“Please help him,” Sirius asked as he pushed in the last pair of socks.

“But what about you?” James asked plaintively even as he moved toward Remus.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair again and turned toward the door. “I’ll find somewhere to bunk up. I know some people in Hufflepuff or if I get really desperate I can ask Regulus. He’ll act like he hates it but we both know differently.”

“I hate this,” James said quietly, his voice strained. “It was supposed to all be fixed tonight and now everything is falling apart.”

Sirius didn’t have the energy to sugar-coat it. “Some people just can’t and won’t be helped.”

He looked at Remus for one long sorrowful moment, his hands clenching at his sides, aching to help him. Sirius opened the door and left Gryffindor tower.

The days after went by in a blur. Sirius ended up sleeping on a couch in the seventh year Hufflepuff dormitories. It turns out their entire house was decked out in every form of comfortable furnishing known to man, so he had hardly been short for choice.

It had been strange, waking up to an over-abundance of yellow. The light bleeding into his eyes when he opened them in the morning. He had no idea how they had managed to get so much light underground but he had begun to miss the comfortable darkness of Gryffindor Tower, the only light the warm glow of the fire. He missed waking up to James doing his stupid stretches and Peter blearily wandering around the dorm.

He missed Remus most of all. The way he spoke under his breath as he read to himself at night. The piles of books precariously placed on every surface. The way he smiled at Sirius when it was just the two of them sleeping in and enjoying a lazy morning in bed.

He missed all of it but whenever he saw even a glimpse of those curls or heard the clack of his cane Sirius ran.

Seeing him hurt. It hurt to know everything he had lost. All the little moments they had shared between them were gone because Sirius couldn’t trust himself not to want what he couldn’t have. Even now, his first instinct was to run to him and bury his nose in his hair just so that he could breathe him in. His hands twitched.

James dragged him back to Gryffindor Tower after a week, muttering about how ridiculous it all was, and that if they just sat down and talked he was sure it would be ok. Sirius silently let him pull him along, his footsteps growing heavier with every step back. When he finally crested the portrait hole and stepped into the room he was hit with a wave of nostalgia. The smell, the low background hum of voices, the light, how the fuck do you miss a type of light? But he had. He had missed it all.

When he stepped into the common room the noise stopped and like a magnet, he instantly found Remus in the crowd. His eyes were boring into him like amber headlights, his expression pained and his hand gripping his cane so tightly that his skin turned white. Sirius froze his feet stuck to the floor like glue. Remus was moving like he was in slow motion and everyone else faded into the background. His heart was pounding with every step Remus took and his hands were opening and closing with the need to hold him.

But he wasn’t allowed to do that.

Remus got halfway across the room when Sirius could finally move again. He had to leave. To run. If he let him get close he wouldn’t be able to help himself. Then the room blurred again as he ran up the stairs. He threw open the door to the dorm and fell on his bed, closing the curtains and casting as many wards as he could think of.

He stayed there in the dark as he breathed heavily, unable to hear a sound. With a cry, he turned and buried his head in his pillow, unable to stop thinking about what had happened the last time he had been in that bed. With furious hands, he pushed down his trousers and gripped his already achingly hard cock in his hand.

When he breathed in he swore he could smell Remus in the folds of the fabric. Images of last time swam through his mind as he remembered how it felt to have Remus below him hot and hard. He gathered the precum that was already pooling at the tip of his cock and spread it around so that his hand began to slide easily. He remembered how Remus gasped when Sirius offered to suck his cock, his mind dwelling on that one aspect and wondering exactly how that would feel.

He tentatively pushed his fingers into his mouth, pressing them in and out slowly. He imagined that Remus was seated before him on this bed, his hands running through Sirius’s hair as he held his cock in one hand. Sirius squeezed his own to stimulate the fantasy, the sensations duplicating in his mind. He pressed his fingers in further, depressing his tongue and experimenting with how far he could go.

It was probably a poor simulacrum of the real thing, but it was enough to egg him forward and push the fantasy further as he imagined Remus rutting up into his mouth, moaning and begging for him to move faster. He came as the Remus in his mind came, his mouth filling with saliva, coating his fingers in it.

With a sigh, he cast a Scourgify on his bed and himself. How the fuck did James think this was going to work? He couldn’t even look at Remus for two minutes before he had to run away and fuck himself to oblivion. How the hell was he supposed to live in the same space?

The next week was torture. James dragged him to meals and classes and the common room, but Sirius huddled in a corner, terrified to look up. When he did, his gaze always inevitably found Remus and there it would stay until Remus met his eyes and he forced himself to look back down again. It was only when Remus was not there that he had started to try and be a person again.

He laughed with James and argued with Peter. Lily was conspicuously absent, but he supposed someone had to be with Remus. He hoped she was helping him to get by with whatever this was. People had asked, but James shut them down quickly. It wasn’t to be talked about and besides Sirius didn’t have any answers for them. He didn’t know how to explain.

How James had convinced him to attend a party, Sirius didn’t remember. He was sure he had used lies like: ‘It will be fun’ and ‘You need to let your hair down and enjoy yourself.’ He wasn’t wrong. Sirius had been wound up like a spring for weeks and he knew that it would take very little to get him to break.

Besides, Sirius had always adored Gryffindor parties. Their silly eclectic mix of muggle, magical, and general group insanity always filled him with joy, and he tried to feel it, he really did. But there was a Remus shaped hole in the room and he kept finding it every time he laughed or heard one of their songs. The others kept trying to pull him into the thick of things and bring him out of his shell, but he just kept feeling like something was wrong and retreating further into himself.

He was pulled out of his reverie by Mary.

“Does anyone want to try out this new game my sister told me about?”

Sirius’s ears pricked up. He had loved the last game Mary suggested. Spin the bottle had been his favourite for months now, even if it was the source of all his current life problems, but he figured if he didn’t have to get involved, it might not be so bad. In fact, it probably had a better chance of cheering him up than other things they’d tried.

When the crowd bellowed their agreement Mary continued, “Ok, so it’s called ‘Seven Minutes in Heaven’ and everyone’s names get put in a hat and then people take turns pulling out the name of the person they’re going to spend seven minutes in heaven with. The seven minutes in heaven part is essentially just being shoved in a broom closet together.”

The assembled group laughed uproariously.

“What happens in the broom closet?”

“Where are we going to get a broom closet?”

“We’re wizards Peter, we’ll just transfigure one.”

“How exciting!”

The throng managed to transfigure one of the tables in the corner into a large closet that could fit two people at a squeeze. Sirius watched it all unfold like a spectator to a show, sitting by himself on the couch. Mary wrote all their names on a piece of paper and threw them into a bowl, whilst the others argued over who would be going first.

It was finally decided that James would be going first with intense stares passing between him and Lily. Sirius smiled at this. Their relationship had improved markedly this year and Sirius hoped, for his friend's sake, that something did happen.

Mary held the bowl up above her head and James stood on his toes to pick out a name. As he brought it down Remus came in through the portrait hole with Marlene. His eyes instantly sought out Sirius who looked straight down. No. Remus was not for him. He closed his eyes. He had to let this go.

“What’s going on?” Remus’s voice cut through Sirius’s conscious like butter.

“Remus!” Lily shouted with joy. “Mary has a new game we’re playing.” Sirius heard Remus’s huff of annoyance, he had always hated these games, but Lily barrelled on through with her explanation. “You draw someone’s name out of a hat and you get locked in a closet with them for seven minutes.”

“What’s the point of that?” Remus asked his voice closer now. The assembled throng tittered with amusement until Remus growled out. “Oh. Right. I’ll just be going up to the dorm then.”

“Wait! Remus. James was just about to pull out a name. Stay,” Lily pleaded. “Just for a bit.”

Remus sighed and Sirius could hear the rustling of paper as James resumed his quest to pull out a name. There was a pregnant silence and when Sirius couldn’t bear it any longer he looked up. James was staring down at the paper, his mouth a hard line.

“Come on James.” Mary admonished. “Who is it?”

James gulped and then looked up at Sirius. “It’s… It’s Sirius.”

A good deal of the room broke out into peels of helpless laughter as the other half of the room stayed deathly quiet. Sirius grimaced. Not everyone knew their history. Not everyone knew about what was happening with Remus. Not that it mattered. Sirius could be locked in a closet with James. He’d probably just use the time to check up on him or make sure he’s ok. Their time of physical intimacy was long gone now.

Lily stepped forward, and placed a hand on Mary’s arm, lowering the bowl. “It’s fine James. We can just pull someone else–”

Sirius stood interrupting them with a sigh. “No. It’s fine. Don’t ruin the game on my account.” He walked forward keeping his eyes on James and ignoring where he could feel Remus’s stare boring a hole in his back. When he reached James, he grabbed his wrist and tugged him over to the closet throwing a comment over his shoulder. “It’s just James.”

The rest of the party who had no idea what had been happening sniggered, which is why he didn’t hear the cane closing in on him until he was shoved roughly against the closet door.

“Just. James.” The words fell like lead as Remus’s growl filled the room. “What the fuck Sirius?”

Sirius turned to find Remus standing before him, eyes blazing with fury and trembling with suppressed anger. Sirius righted himself, rubbing his shoulder from where it had slammed into the wood.

Sirius gestured at James. “It’s just James. He’s our friend. He would never do anything to hurt me. What the fuck is your problem?”

Remus turned bright red, trembling so much he looked like he was about to explode. He spluttered for a moment before taking the piece of paper out of James's hand and opening the closet door. “I’m taking this, thank you very much.”

He pushed Sirius inside before hobbling in after and closing the door behind them. The closet was dark, the only light filtering through from the gaps around the door. He could see the outline of Remus’s face and body, Sirius turned away. The smell of Remus was filling the space and going straight to his head. His hands twitched and he pressed himself against the closet wall to try and make some space between them. His breath was coming out short and sharp.

“Remus.” He panted. “What are you doing? I… I can’t…”

“What am I doing?” Remus growled closing, his face looming out of the darkness. Sirius felt something slam against his chest, it was the cane. Remus had used it to push him against the wall and pin him there. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Going to give James a quickie in the closet for old time’s sake? Help him get over his hopeless crush on Lily?”

“What!?” Sirius exclaimed. “Is that what you think would have happened? James and I are not like that any more. We haven’t been for a long time. He’s in love with Lily and I would never do anything to jeopardise that. I just figured it was the best way for me to get out of that situation because I was not in the mood to come in here with anyone and I could trust James not to try anything.”

Sirius wrapped his arms around himself as Remus let the cane fall. “Oh.”

“Oh? Oh!?” Sirius yelled. “That’s all you have to fucking say after that outburst? Why the fuck do you care? You didn’t want me? I practically gave myself to you with both fucking hands.” He could feel the tears burning in his eyes again, but he couldn’t stop it. He beat at Remus’s chest with his balled up fists. “I get it. You don’t fucking want me but I can’t stop how I feel at the drop of a hat so can you please just–”

“I never said I didn’t want you.” Remus breathed out the words so quietly Sirius almost didn’t hear them over the hammering of his own heart. “I said that I couldn’t understand how you could want me.”

Sirius growled in frustration. “Do you want me or fucking not? Because I can’t do this if you won’t let it happen. It hurts just to–”

Remus slammed his lips into Sirius, raising his hands to fist in Sirius’s black curls while his mouth worked frantically over Sirius’s lips. Sirius groaned, all the need inside him lighting on fire. He had spent so much of the last two weeks dreaming about this that he almost couldn’t believe it was real but it felt so much better than it had in his imagination. He closed his eyes and abandoned himself to the sensation.

He let his hands creep up Remus’s body, marvelling at the hard planes of his chest and the wiry resistance of his muscles. He was bigger than Sirius, the difference making him loom over Sirius in the small space. His mouth was hot, and he tasted like chocolate, his mouth dominating Sirius and demanding more and more from him. Sirius could only open wider and let him take what he wanted.

His hands ended up curled around Remus’s wrists as Remus continued to hold Sirius’s face. When he finally broke away Sirius whined at the loss of contact.

“Don’t.” Sirius pleaded. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

Remus tilted his head so that he could rest his forehead against Sirius’s. “I love you.”

“You do?” Sirius whispered.

“I do,” Remus replied, pressing soft kisses to Sirius’s cheeks. “And… And you love me?”

Sirius choked out a sob, “Of course, I do. I tell you all the time and I will spend the rest of my life telling you if that’s what it takes for you to believe it.”

Remus puffed out a quiet laugh. “Okay.”

He pressed more kisses to Sirius’s cheeks as he balled up his hand in Sirius’s hair and yanked his head back. With Sirius’s neck now on display, Remus bit into the side of his neck and sucked in his skin. His other hand travelled down Sirius’s back until it rested on his arse and Remus grasped him and pulled them both together. As he ground against him, Sirius could feel how hard Remus was and he let his hands scratch down Remus’s back.

Suddenly a knock sounded on the door. “Times up! You’ve got five seconds!”

Remus pushed back off Sirius who slumped against the wall. When the door opened Sirius had only barely come back to himself enough to push off the wall and pick up Remus’s cane. As the light flooded into the small space, he met Remus’s eyes. They were dark and hungry and didn’t leave Sirius’s face when he handed him his cane.

The atmosphere was tense when Sirius stepped out of the cupboard and offered Remus a hand to get back through. Remus shook his head and Sirius let his hand fall back to his side. James stepped up to Sirius, placing a hand on his arm, and giving Remus a hesitant look.

“Are you ok?” His eyes were wide and unsure.

Remus let out a sound of annoyance behind him. “James please get your hand off my boyfriend.”

Sirius spun around and said with a squeak, “What?”

Remus stepped up next to him, the hand not holding onto his cane wrapping around his waist and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I said that you’re my boyfriend. Is that okay?”

Sirius couldn’t keep the smile off his face as James let his hand drop away. “Yes. Yes, it’s ok.” He could feel the wetness on his cheeks as he grabbed Remus’s face with both hands and kissed him. Remus kissed him back and Sirius marvelled at how easy it could be. He was finally allowed to touch. This golden man in front of him was his. When he broke off the kiss he began to pull Remus up the stairs to the dorm.

Lily raised her eyebrow at him. “It’s a little early to be going to bed, isn’t it?”

Sirius laughed, a high fragile thing that bordered on the insane but before he could say anything James took Lily’s arm and led her away. As they turned, he could hear James loudly proclaiming, “Neither of them has been sleeping well lately. They must be exhausted.”

Sirius helped Remus up the stairs, his leg lagging more than usual. He was leaning heavily on Sirius and by the time they got up the stairs he was puffing hard.

“What happened to your leg?” Sirius asked as he helped Remus down onto his bed. Remus let the cane rest against the headboard and he leaned forward to massage the muscle.

Remus winced, “I haven’t exactly been taking great care of myself this week.”

Sirius watched the way Remus’s fingers kneaded into the muscle. He hovered his fingers over the top. “Can I help?”

Remus blushed. “What? You want to...?”

“Yes,” Sirius declared, getting to his feet. “Take off your pants.”

“Sirius,” Remus hesitated, his hand fisting in the sheets.

“You are going to take those trousers off right now Remus J Lupin, or I will tear them off with my teeth.” Sirius scolded with his arms crossed in front of him.

Remus huffed out a laugh and fumbled his way through unbuckling his trousers and pushing them down off his legs. Sirius was momentarily stunned by the sight of Remus’s shapely thighs and the jagged triple scar intersecting the muscle of his injured leg. He dropped to his knees and found his fingers darting forward, running up the tan thigh, marvelling at the warmth of his skin. In a sudden fit of pique he leaned down and ran his tongue up the largest scar. Remus sucked in a breath and his muscles tensed underneath his touch.

Sirius brazenly pushed Remus’s legs apart and slotted himself in between them. Above him, Remus groaned but Sirius was focused on the trembling leg in his hands. He knew not that far away was another package for him to unwrap but that could wait. The scar, whilst no longer an angry red, was still fresh and pink against the tan of Remus’s skin. Sirius ran his fingers lightly up them before taking the thigh in both hands and pushing down with his thumbs.

Remus sucked in a breath whether from pain or pleasure Sirius didn’t know. He looked up to find Remus observing him with his eyes wide as dinner plates, the pupils within as dark as night. He nodded at Sirius who turned his attention back to the leg in his hands. He began to work in earnest to press into the muscles, the tension leaking out with every pass. Every once in a while, Remus would sigh or gasp, soft sounds that Sirius knew he couldn’t keep from passing his lips. The quiet and reserved Remus, coming apart at his fingertips.

After a while, Remus fell back onto the covers with one arm covering his face. When Sirius looked up, Remus’s jumper had ridden up his chest, and Sirius was treated to the sinful sight of Remus’s cock peeking up through the waistband of his pants. Sirius looked back at the door, the one defence they had against the outside, unlocked and at risk of invasion at any moment. He got up and manhandled Remus further up onto the bed, pushing at his legs until he lifted them up onto the mattress. With one last look at the door, he took off his own trousers, threw them at his bed and settled himself straddling Remus’s thighs as he turned and pulled the curtains closed behind him.

They were now enclosed in a room all of their own, made of heavy red drapery and soft cotton. Sirius reached out to the bedside table to retrieve Remus’s wand and cast several warding and silencing charms on the area. Remus wriggled underneath him and pressed his hands slowly up Sirius’s thighs, the touch making him shiver.

“I…” Remus gulped his Adams apple working up and down his throat. “Sirius I…”

“Shh,” Sirius whispered as he slowly and carefully leaned forward to rub their cocks together. Remus gasped, bucking up as he rocked his head back in supplication. Sirius groaned. His mouth was filled with saliva and the increasing urge to rock back on his heels and bury his face in Remus’s crotch. He wanted to run his cheek up the soft skin of Remus’s shaft before he spread his lips and took him deep inside his mouth.

Instead, he leaned forward until their bodies were flush and kissed him. He was suddenly possessed of the idea that there was way too much fabric between them. Remus was still wearing his jumper and Sirius buried his hands underneath it, sliding up his warm skin noting the difference in texture every time he came across another scar. When he got to Remus’s nipple, Remus jerked, a moan falling from his lips.

Sirius broke off the kiss and pressed their foreheads together.

“Can I–”

“Fuck, I need–”

“Sorry, you go–”

“My bad–”

They both dissolved into helpless laughter before Sirius pulled at the fabric of Remus’s jumper and said, “If you don’t take this fucking thing off right now I’m going to combust.”

He moved backwards as Remus worked it up his chest and over his arms, his head disappearing inside as he pulled it further up. Sirius’s eyes grew wider, as inch by inch, more skin was revealed like a very awkward striptease. It didn’t matter that he got it stuck on his chin or that he fumbled with the arm holes Sirius couldn’t tear his eyes away. He was everything Sirius didn’t know that he had always wanted and that realisation hit him like a pack of bricks.

He tore his own shirt off in one fluid movement before leaning back down until they were skin to skin. Goose pimples prickled his skin as they connected.

“Look at you.” Remus mused his hands travelling up Sirius’s chest. “There’s not a single mark on you.”

Sirius huffed out a bitter laugh. “That’s because all my scars are internal.”

Remus lifted up a hand to Sirius’s jaw and for the second time that night kissed him. At that moment, Sirius thought there was not a single thing on this earth that he would rather do than kiss Remus Lupin. That was, however, followed by Remus’s other hand travelling downward to slip inside Sirius’s pants. As Remus grasped his cock, Sirius reassessed his earlier assumption, having Remus masturbate him was just as good if not better than kissing.

He had been so hard for so long that he was almost instantly right on the edge of orgasm. He arched his back as Remus moved his hand slowly up and down, trying not to explode within the first five seconds.

“You’re so perfect,” Remus murmured. “Is that good for you Pads?”

“Fuck,” Sirius cursed burying his head in Remus’s shoulder, “It’s so good Moony.”

His hands were fisted in the sheets on either side of Remus’s head as he desperately tried to hold on. He began to buck and thrust into Remus’s hand, the pressure and the pleasure turning his mind to mush. It began to build and build until…

“Stop!” Sirius exclaimed as he pulled away, “Stop. Stop. Wait. Just wait a minute.”

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked with a frown, as he pulled his hands away.

Sirius rested his head against Remus’s forehead again. “I don’t want this to be over so soon. I… I want to…” He licked his lips as he gained the courage to ask what had been on his mind for weeks. “I want to have you in my mouth.”

He rocked back so that he could look at Remus’s face. His eyes were wide and dark, his mouth open in a surprised “O”. He sucked in a breath as his gaze lowered to Sirius’s lips.

“You want to…?”

“Yes,” Sirius breathed.

Remus puffed out a laugh. “And you expect me to last? When you want to do that?”

Sirius whined, “Please,” his hands tightened on Remus’s hips. “I’ve been thinking about it for so long and I…” He dropped his head so that he could look up at Remus through his lashes. “I really want to.”

Remus groaned and closed his eyes, letting his arm rest atop them again. When Sirius looked down, Remus’s cock was still poking out the top of his underwear precum leaking from the tip, the muscles making it jerk from within its elastic prison. Sirius tentatively passed a finger through the cum and brought it up to his mouth. The taste was strong, with hints of musk and salt and a kind of sour tang that wasn’t completely awful.

“Did you just…?” When he looked back up Remus was staring straight at him. “Fuck. Okay. Just… Fuck. Are you sure?”

Sirius smiled widely at him, and he manoeuvred himself down the bed until he was lying between Remus’s legs. Remus shuffled up to sit against the headboard and Sirius curled up his own legs until they got themselves into a comfortable position and Sirius could finally lower his head down to rub his cheek against Remus’s cock. He took in a deep breath and inhaled the husky, forest smell of him. Sirius could never get enough of Remus’s scent. It felt like freedom and home, an intoxicating mix that could turn him hard in seconds.

He hooked his fingers into the waistband and dragged it down until Remus’s cock sprung free and almost slapped him in the face. He huffed out a laugh as he snagged it with a hand and gave it the first tentative lick. It was soft like velvet with a thick vein running all the way up the front. Remus was moaning and from how he was angled Sirius could see his hands fisting in the sheets, his knuckles white from the pressure. He tentatively opened his mouth and slid it down over the tip, marvelling at how it felt, as he lowered himself further until it hit the back of his throat.

“Fuck!” Remus cursed. His hips involuntarily jerking upward.

Sirius gagged momentarily at the sudden intrusion before he got himself under control. He placed his arm over Remus’s hips to hold him down and tried again. He loved how heavy it felt against his tongue, the pressure hitting some button that he didn’t even know he had. He thrust into the mattress as he worked his mouth up and down over Remus.

“Pads,” Remus panted, “Pads, I can’t hold on.”

Sirius continued to suck on his Moony’s cock, as he chased his own high, through whatever friction the mattress could provide. Remus’s leg muscles were taut with strain as he desperately tried to hold on. His leg was twitching with tension, the scars pulling tight as the muscle contracted.

Sirius slid off his cock with a pop. “Come on Moony. Wanna taste you.”

As Sirius slid his mouth back down over Remus’s cock he came with a cry. Liquid flooded into Sirius’s mouth and down his throat as he swallowed and swallowed, even as his own spend coated the sheets below. When Remus finished jerking, Sirius licked him up greedily letting his tongue pass over him until every drop was gone and he collapsed onto Remus’s thigh.

They lay like that, both loose limbed and panting, until Remus began to pull at his shoulder and hair.

“Come up.” Remus babbled. “Want to take care of you.”

Sirius laughed and clambered stickily up to lie down next to Remus, and with a wry grin he confessed, “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

He blushed as Remus glanced down, a shocked expression on his face. Sirius leaned over to grab Remus’s wand before aiming a Scourgify at his genitals. When he looked back at Remus his expression hadn’t changed.

“Was that just from…?”

“Yeah,” Sirius confirmed, the heat spreading across his cheeks. “Didn’t know that about myself.”

Before he could say another thing, Remus surged forward, his arms wrapping around him and his lips working gently over Sirius’s. Sirius pulled back, his hand coming up to his mouth.

“Hang on. I literally just…”

“I don’t care,” Remus confessed as he kissed him again, this time with abundantly more tongue.

Sirius laughed and let his boyfriend shower him with kisses and adoration. He slid his arms under Remus’s and buried his head in his shoulder. He felt more complete and satisfied than he ever had before. The sexual experiences he’d had previously had been wild and free and fun, but nothing had moved his world like Remus. No one had ever made him feel like this.

“I can’t believe I get to have this.” He confessed softly.

“Neither can I,” Remus replied his voice lost in Sirius’s hair.

“Mine.” He mused, tracing the scars on Remus’s skin.

Remus captured his chin in both hands. “Mine.”