Chapter Text
～ White: purity, innocence, blankness, coldness, barriers, emptiness, simplicity ～
Age 8/9:
Crepus disliked the rain.
It never failed to bring a smile to his face when his son, wrapped in his bright red rain jacket, played in the rain, jumping from puddle to puddle. All the while, he watched him from the safety of the porch, with a hot tea in hand to keep himself warm.
But not today. Today, he was riding in his carriage, returning from a long business trip in Liyue. He missed his son dearly and couldn’t wait to show him the souvenir he had brought from one of the bustling harbor stalls. It was a yellow stone native only to Liyue that he planned to engrave into the sword hilt of the blade he intended to gift his son once he was ready and had joined the knights. Crepus was certain that his son would become a knight in no time. The second gift he brought for him was a kite that all the kids in Liyue seemed to love. He could already picture how Diluc would excitedly tear up the wrapping paper and run up and down the hills of the winery with his new kite.
As summer neared its end, rainfall had become a near-daily occurrence, and today was no different. The carriage made only slow progress through the rain, which was getting heavier by the second. The path through the forest was covered in thick mud, making it difficult to make progress at all.
A noise startled his horses, and the carriage came to a sudden stop.
Crepus jumped off the carriage and landed directly in an ankle-deep puddle. He closed his eyes and sighed. Today hadn’t been his day; he was so exhausted from the long travel and wanted nothing more than to just sleep. The rain was splashing mercilessly on his back. He thought of Diluc and how he would brightly smile at him, one tooth missing — he had lost it recently after getting into trouble again, once he returned. A smile slowly crept onto his face; he missed his boy so much. It was not much further.
He could make it for his son.
He collected himself before opening his eyes again, abandoning the side of the carriage and investigating the noise that had startled the horses. But he didn’t need to search for long, for there was a tiny figure standing just at the edge of the forest. It could only be a little child judging by their size. He stopped dead in his tracks.
What would a child do all alone this far from the city?
He got a terrible feeling in his gut, something was horribly off. Nevertheless, he pulled himself out of his freeze and pushed himself from the carriage. Whatever was wrong could wait, and he would risk it if this truly was an ambush; the safety of this child was his priority.
He rushed to the child, falling to his knees in front of them, ignoring the pain of the small stones piercing his skin. The kid was completely soaked and covered in mud, his giant coat torn, and his knees scraped. Now that he could get a closer look at the kid, he could tell that the kid was a boy, probably not much younger than his own kid.
His dark skin looked ashen, and even with the heavy cloak draped around him, he looked much too skinny, as if he hadn’t eaten proper food in days. A few blue strands stuck to his face. He wore an eyepatch on one eye, and his other blue star shaped eye stared up at Crepus. What shocked Crepus wasn’t the unique star shape in the boy's eye but the dull, tired look no kid should ever have. He looked terrified, and it broke Crepus's heart.
"Are you injured?" His voice was swallowed by the looming forest behind them, the kid shook his head.
Crepus squinted his eyes to see through the heavy rain and looked beyond the boy into the forest, trying to find his parents or anyone really that would have brought this kid here. It was already long after dawn and the heavy rain didn’t help either, making it impossible to see anything.
"Where are your parents, boy?" The kid only shook his head again.
Loud thunder boomed overhead, causing the child to flinch and squeeze his eye shut. He couldn't just leave the kid here. If this were Diluc, he would wish that someone would help him.
He got up from his knees and looked in the direction of the city. He could bring him to the cathedral or to the knights, they would undoubtedly take great care of him and had better resources and manpower to search for the kid’s parents. But the kid trembled like a delicate leaf in the wind, holding on for dear life, and it would take too long to reach the city before the storm got any worse.
The winery had to do for now.
Lowering himself to the child's eye level, Crepus offered, "My home isn't far. We'll get you some hot chocolate and warm clothes. After the storm passes, we can search for your parents. How does that sound?"
He had to shout now; the rain was deafening and unrelenting, splattering to the ground. The kid nodded and, without hesitation, held up his arms. And if his heart wasn’t already broken by this cruel world, it would shatter all over again into tiny pieces.
He quickly pulled him up into his arms. The kid didn't seem to have a lot of strength, but he was certainly holding on to Crepus for dear life with a fierce grip.
Crepus carried him back to the carriage and all but rushed to the winery.
When they finally arrived, he hastily brought the kid inside, safe from the heavy storm. The carriage and all his luggage were long forgotten. Adelinde greeted him at the door, wearing a puzzled expression.
"Fetch warm blankets and hot chocolate," he shouted as a way of greeting. She nodded once before disappearing into the kitchen.
He hurriedly settled the kid onto one of the sofas in front of the fireplace and, after a small struggle, got him to sit on it. He shouted orders to the maids who were still awake, took the drenched cloak from the kid, and wrapped him tightly in thick blankets.
He looked impossibly small huddled under the mountains of blankets.
"Where is your mother?" He asked gently, crouching in front of the child for the second time that night. The kid averted his eyes.
"Gone."
Crepus nearly didn’t catch it, the boy’s quiet voice sounded hoarse and raw, as if he had been screaming for days. His expression softened. "I’m sorry," he whispered. He understood the child’s grief; it reminded him painfully of Diluc. But he needed to stay strong, for this kid and his son, so he didn’t dwell further on his own grief but instead pushed the kid for answers.
"What about your father?" The kid shook his head again, looking tired. He decided then that the questions could wait until tomorrow. This kid didn’t need an interrogation right now. He needed reassurance and safety.
"You are going to be alright," whispered Crepus as he grabbed another blanket and wrapped it around the trembling kid. Carefully, he took another blanket to dry some of the blue hair. He interpreted the lack of protest from the kid as further permission to place a reassuring hand on his arm. "I promise you nothing will hurt you anymore." He looked directly into the kid's eye with determination in his own, aiming to convey that he never broke his word.
The kid was caught off guard, looking shocked, with his eye wide open. Slowly tears streamed down his face, his body shuddering from suppressed sobs. He was making himself so very small, as if the blankets could swallow him whole if only, he made himself small enough.
Crepus hugged him tightly, placing his head on top of his blue hair and whispered reassuring words while rubbing his back. Whatever had happened to this kid, it had to be traumatic.
Crepus was no fool, there were from time to time elaborate schemes that involved children to steal his fortune. But Crepus found here in front of the fireplace, with that kid trembling in his arms, he didn’t care if this was yet another scheme. Children could certainly be drilled to become actors, but not like this. This felt too raw, too real. He wouldn’t let any harm reach this child, not as long as he lived. That he swore to himself.
Adelinde returned with more blankets, hot chocolate, and even spare clothes. It took her some convincing, but Adelinde could be very persuasive when she had to be. She was the only one who could get Diluc to do what she wanted, as he hardly listened to anyone. It seemed like a law of nature that the little blue-haired boy agreed to follow her and change into warm clothes. He hesitantly took her hand, but after Crepus encouragingly nodded towards them, the kid didn’t protest any further.
Once the two returned, he noticed that Adelinde had patched up his scraped knees. He cursed himself for forgetting to actually check for any injuries. All that noise must have woken up his son, who was still in his red pajamas, slowly walking down the stairs, rubbing his eyes.
"Has Father returned?" he groggily asked one of the maids.
Diluc’s eyes landed on Crepus, instantly snapping him awake. He ran down and threw himself into the arms of his father, startling the blue-haired boy who warily hid behind Adelinde.
Crepus chuckled, feeling suddenly light again, as all worries lifted from his chest. That always happened once he was reunited with his son after being apart for a while. "I have missed you too, and look, we have a guest," he gestured towards Adelinde.
Diluc let go of him, only now noticing the little kid peering behind Adelinde. Diluc’s eyes widened in excitement.
“What is your name?” He nearly jumped with excitement toward the kid, startling the blue-haired boy.
Crepus gently placed a hand on his son's shoulder. “Careful, my boy. We wouldn't want to frighten him, would we?” The red-headed boy vigorously shook his head.
“Of course not! My apologies.”
He redirected his attention to the still-hidden boy behind Adelinde. “My name is Diluc Ragnvindr, and what is yours?”
The small boy slowly emerged before whispering, “Kaeya...”
“That is a cool name!” The other boy, Kaeya, eased his grip on Adelinde’s skirt, looking less scared and more curious.
“Thanks.”
It wasn’t lost on Crepus that the small boy deliberately left out his surname. Diluc grabbed Kaeya’s arm and dragged him back to the sofa, where he eagerly talked to him. Kaeya still appeared somewhat stiff and hesitant, but he would be okay for now.
He turned to Adelinde who watched the boys with a gentle smile, before lowering her voice so only he could hear her. “He's in a bad shape, and I think he might have a fever, he really needs to see a healer immediately after the storm passes.”
Crepus nodded, his gaze fixed on the two kids. “He was all alone, in the middle of a storm on the side of the road.”
The blond maid narrowed her eyes, worry written all over her face. “You think he has been left there on purpose.” Crepus nodded.
“I think it’s wise to be wary of the situation, but he’s just a little kid.” He whispered, his voice breaking at the end. “I couldn’t just leave him there.” Adelinde placed a hand on his shoulder. “You made the right call tonight, but you don't seem well yourself. You won't help either of them if you are not well-rested. Get some sleep; I'll take care of the rest.” He nodded again.
What would he do without her?
It felt like a miracle stumbling upon her just when he needed it the most. Raising Diluc all on his own had been rough, lost in his grief. The sorrow never went away; he always yearned for his wife's presence when he lay at night alone in his giant bed. He wished she could have seen her son grow up. When he found Adelinde, he was at his worst, but she helped him become somewhat of the decent man he used to be.
He looked one last time at the two kids. They both held steaming hot chocolate in their hands. Diluc was still telling Kaeya a story, his face lighting up in excitement. The other kid no longer looked frightened. He still held back, but his eye gleamed while Diluc spoke. They would figure out what was going on eventually.
For now, all that mattered to him was that both kids were safe.
(5 month later)
The frost on the windows was slowly melting with the approach of spring. Diluc couldn’t believe that it had already been five months since Kaeya had arrived at their doorstep. Since his brother arrived in summer and got a really bad fever, he couldn’t explore much of the winery’s grounds, and winter was no better. He cherished every second of it, but he was excited to finally show him what he had missed being stuck in his bed all the time.
He ran to his brother’s room without knocking; they had to hurry, after all. He threw the door open.
“Wake up!”
The blue-haired boy looked startled at him, ready to make a run for it if needed. “What is going on?” he whispered in a hushed voice, already getting out of bed.
“The snow has finally melted, and you are much healthier now. It’s about time you finally see the grounds surrounding the winery!” shouted the red head eagerly, but was abruptly interrupted as a pillow smacked him in the face.
“That’s what this is about? You moron, I thought something had happened!” hissed the other.
Diluc looked puzzled and threw the pillow back at his brother, who dodged it with ease. “What could possibly have happened? Get ready and meet me downstairs in 5 minutes,” he said before quickly turning around and leaving the room before the other could protest further.
After an agonizing 10 minutes, the blue-haired kid finally arrived downstairs. “Why are you in such a hurry? Won't we miss our lessons if we leave now?”
Diluc narrowed his eyes, a mischievous smile forming on his face. “Exactly.”
“Luc, I don’t know, we shouldn’t upset Master Crepus,” he said, looking down and wrapping his arms protectively around himself. It’s been a month since his father officially adopted Kaeya and made him his brother. Diluc had always wished for a brother and was nothing but excited once his father revealed his plans to surprise Kaeya with his adoption papers. He, of course, asked Kaeya first if the other boy even wanted to stay with them. Many tears had been shed that day.
But he still refused to call Crepus his father, which Diluc understood, really. What he didn’t understand, however, was why Kaeya was still too frightened to make any mistakes. He had once dropped a glass on the stone tiles in the kitchen and immediately dove down to clean his mess up with his bare hands, while apologizing profoundly. He even cut himself on one of the glass shards and still kept stacking more glass shards in his hands. He was then stopped by their father, who also patched him up, lecturing him on how dangerous that was.
Diluc shook his head. His brother was silly sometimes, but that was alright; he had Diluc, who could show him all the fun things he was missing out on. So, Diluc did the only reasonable thing to him, grabbed Kaeya’s hand, and dragged him through the door. “It’s fine really! There will be no lessons for us today, and you can finally go outside.”
The sky was cloudy, and small puddles had formed in the grass from all the melted snow. Yet, Diluc found it was just perfect for a little adventure.
But not five steps out of the door, his brother halted in his tracks and ripped his hand free from Diluc’s grasp. “I don’t want to get into any trouble,” he looked to the ground.
Diluc placed his hands on Kaeya’s shoulders, just as their father often did when Diluc was too scared to do something, to reassure him. “I promise it will be fine! We’ll quickly explore the surrounding forest and be back before Father even notices we’re missing. Besides, if we get into trouble, I’ll take all the blame since it was my idea,” he said. The other looked up at him, still uncertain. But Diluc could tell that Kaeya did want to join, he was just terrified of the consequences of making mistakes.
He just had to push him a little further.
“Don’t you miss being outside?”
At the mention of the outdoors, Kaeya’s eye lit up, and he slowly nodded. “Well then, what are we waiting for?”
He extended his hand again for Kaeya to take it. Diluc feared that Kaeya would turn around and leave him standing there, but after a moment of hesitation, Kaeya reluctantly grabbed his hand.
Diluc smiled at him, and his brother returned the smile hesitantly. Together, they left the grounds of the winery.
*
“We are lost, aren’t we?” deadpanned the blue-haired boy, trailing behind him.
They had made slow progress since Kaeya was excited about every little thing he found, as if he were witnessing the world's wonders for the very first time. And Kaeya’s excitement had been contagious. Not long after they had left the winery, they wandered off in the complete opposite direction Diluc had originally intended to go. But he hadn’t had the heart to stop him. Kaeya had been stuck in the winery for months now, and this was the first time he showed real joy and was carefree. Well, until they both stumbled deeper into the forest and got lost.
“We aren’t lost. I know exactly where I’m going, trust me,” said Diluc, but he was completely directionless.
Kaeya picked up his steps until he walked next to him. He still had the calla lily in his hands they found a while ago. “You are a terrible liar,” he muttered once he was next to him.
Diluc grumbled but didn’t retort anything further. He was right, of course. He had always been a terrible liar, resulting in getting grounded a lot of times. But he didn’t want to unnecessarily concern the other. He was the older brother after all.
“I know where we are.” He repeated to assure his brother. Kaeya only hummed, “Sure you do.”
And he did know where they were. Somewhere in Wolvendom, they only needed to find the edge of the forest, and they would probably see the city.
After a few minutes of silence, he noticed something hitting him on his head. Little water droplets fell on his head, then another and another. It was starting to rain. He knew Kaeya hated the rain. This was going to be an issue. He scolded himself mentally for not thinking to bring anything with them—no raincoats, nothing.
“Luc—“
“I know, I know,” he whispered.
He hadn't been concerned before, but his brother sounded scared again. This whole day had been so much fun, but now he felt guilty. He knew that it could start to rain, and he also knew that his brother was terrified of the rain. Kaeya had never told him that; he never talked about any of his feelings. But Diluc could tell. They hadn’t even been around each other for a year, but he could somehow always tell.
He stopped in his tracks and turned towards his brother. The blue-haired kid was nervously fidgeting with the flower in his hands, trying his best not to cry. He would protect his brother, that he was sure of.
Thunder rumbled above them, startling his brother. The flower slipped from his grasp, forgotten on the ground, as Kaeya clutched Diluc's arm for support. Diluc gently pried Kaeya's fingers away, offering his hand instead in a reassuring gesture. Kaeya, relieved, clasped it tightly.
“I will get us out of here,” he promised. Diluc looked desperately around. He just needed to get a better vantage point to assess their situation—that's what a knight would do.
“Stay here. I will look from there,” he pointed at a steep hill, “to see where we have to go.”
Kaeya looked at him startled, “I will come with you.”
His brother had started to tremble, no splitting up then. He nodded and gestured for Kaeya to follow him. They reached the hill, and up close, he realized he had miscalculated its height. It was much taller than he initially thought. But a hill, be it steep, wouldn’t stop them. Despite considerable effort and nearly tripping a few times, they finally reached the top. From there, they could see the glowing lights of the distant city.
“See, I knew we weren’t lost! We’ll just go to the city and wait until the rain passes,” he proudly explained while keeping his gaze fixed on the city.
“That looks so far away—” his brother began, interrupted by a strange whooshing noise. Diluc scanned the area frantically. They couldn’t be that close to a camp. Yet less than 10 meters away, a group of Hilichurls had set up a camp. One of the archers had aimed at Kaeya but fortunately missed.
In that heart-stopping moment, dread consumed him as his eyes locked onto the second archer taking aim at Kaeya. The release of the second arrow echoed with a bone-chilling sound through the forest. He had only seconds to react. He dove for his brother, protectively shoving him behind him. But they were still at the hill's edge, and his brother stumbled, falling over the edge. Kaeya instinctively grabbed for Diluc, clutching the fabric of Diluc’s shirt and pulling him over the edge of the hill. Time slowed, and instinctively, he wrapped his arms around his brother to shield him from the inevitable impact.
Their screams pierced the air as their bodies violently collided with the unforgiving ground. Diluc hit the ground first, and fortunately, Kaeya's fall was cushioned as he landed on top of Diluc. A gruesome snapping sound rang through his ears, as if they had landed on a tree branch that snapped cleanly in half. Kaeya quickly scrambled off him, frantically signaling for Diluc to follow.
He tried to get up, but as soon as he put weight on his right foot, he felt hot searing pain rushing through his entire leg. With a stifled scream, he collapsed back to the ground. They must have landed on his leg, which was undoubtedly broken. He heaved himself up into a sitting position, and Kaeya dropped back down next to him.
Diluc gripped Kaeya by the arms. “Listen,” he said, looking into his eye. “You need to get to the city, find the knights—”
“I’m not leaving you here!” Kaeya screamed, wrenching away from Diluc and scrambling a few feet away. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, his voice trembling as his body shuddered.
"I'm not leaving!" he repeated, with more confidence.
"Okay, okay—"
They heard Hilichurl noises above their heads, silencing them both. It sounded like one of the taller ones. If they stayed any longer, neither of them would make it back. If only he had brought a weapon with him, but his father said he wasn't ready yet. Maybe if they made it back, he would now finally reconsider.
"Can you stand?" Kaeya asked, already wrapping an arm around him. Diluc nodded, and together they got him standing on one leg. A hiss escaped him at the slightest attempt to bear weight on the other leg. Kaeya shot him a worried look. "I'm going to be fine, we need to leave."
His brother nodded, and they started to move. He gritted his teeth. But even with Kaeya nearly carrying all his weight, they still made slow progress. They reached another large rock between the hills, giving them the smallest hope that they would both get out of the woods in one piece after all. But after they had passed it, Diluc's healthy foot caught in one of the smaller roots. He stumbled to the ground, this time dragging Kaeya with him. His leg throbbed, and he felt lightheaded. Kaeya knelt beside him, shoving him to his feet. But he just couldn't; his leg was burning.
"I can't go further; you need to go—"
"I won't."
"Kae—"
"I AM NOT LEAVING!" His brother had never shouted like this before. Kaeya was on the brink of hyperventilation. "Don't make me leave," he whispered between ragged breaths, his voice cracking at the end.
Diluc’s eyes widened, and he grabbed at the seams of his brother's shirt, as best he could with his broken leg, to get his attention. “Hey, Kae, look at me.” His brother’s body shook, but he did turn around and looked him in the eyes. The look in his eye was frantic and wild; Diluc needed him to calm down. That was his responsibility as the older brother, as their father had always reminded him. Having brought them into this mess, he could at least offer some emotional safety to his younger brother. They were safe behind that rock, but any noise could alert the nearby camp.
He also hated seeing his brother upset. In the softest voice he could manage through the waves of pain, he said, “Kae, you can stay with me, it’s okay,” squeezing his brother’s arm to comfort him.
Kaeya slowly calmed down, crawled to the other side of his brother's good leg, and sat beside him, making himself comfortable. Diluc extended an arm, inviting him, which his brother accepted readily, snuggling close. The rain had picked up now and was getting heavier, soaking them both. If they made it out alive, they would both be bedridden for days again. It didn’t help that it was just the beginning of spring and now that the sun had vanished behind the thick clouds, it was getting colder by the second.
The pain only got worse with each passing minute; he had to distract himself somehow, or else he would pass out.
“I’m so sorry. Today was supposed to show you how great it’s to live here,” Diluc whispered. His hand trailed along the wet grass before plucking it out of the ground, avoiding Kaeya’s eye.
“Are you kidding? I haven’t had this much fun in...” Kaeya shifted in his embrace, “in ever,” he sniffled. Though his voice still quivered, at least he wasn’t hyperventilating anymore.
They sat in silence again. Only the loud pitter-patter of the rain as it hit the ground was audible. It made Diluc drowsy, feeling himself slowly slipping out of consciousness.
“You jumped in front of me,” muttered Kaeya after a while, pulling him back into consciousness. “And not just for the arrow, but when we fell, you shielded me from the fall.” He turned around, straining his neck to get a better view of his brother. His blue hair was sticking to his face, and he could no longer tell if the other was still crying with all that rain. But he looked directly at Diluc, “Why? Why would you do something so stupid?”
Diluc cracked a smile at him and whispered, “You idiot.” He tightened the grip around his brother before resting his head on the stony surface behind them and looked up at the murky sky framed by the treetops above. “That’s what family is for. I wasn’t lying back at the winery—I’ll protect you no matter what. You're my brother, after all.”
He peeked a glance at his brother, who looked at him in bewilderment. A second passed before the blue-haired boy suddenly sprang to his feet. “Kae?” Questioned the red-head with a startled look. “You are not going to die here,” he stated firmly, as if that statement alone could prevent him from passing out. But Kaeya looked terribly determined, nearly convincing Diluc that everything would, in fact, be fine.
But realistically, he was going to pass out any second now, and even Kaeya, with all his willpower, couldn’t freeze the weather.
As he slowly drifted into darkness, he heard his father’s voice screaming for them. He must have started to hallucinate.
He fell in and out of consciousness, only faintly hearing voices. He felt like he was flying, or maybe Kaeya found a way to carry him after all. With that, the darkness completely swallowed him.
*
The next time he regained consciousness, he managed to stay awake a bit longer. The rain had stopped, and he found himself no longer lying on the hard, cold ground beside the rock. He was lying in his bed. Diluc attempted to sit up, only to wince in pain; his leg still throbbed. He fell back onto the mattress.
He looked to his left, Kaeya had slung an arm around him and was fast asleep next to him. His gaze shifted to his right, meeting his father's concerned eyes as the man sat slumped in a chair by the bed. "Diluc?" His father's hand instinctively reached for his forehead, checking his temperature.
Diluc swatted the hand away. “I'm fine, Father,” he reassured. His father looked at him with relief. “How's your leg feeling?”
He made a dismissive hand gesture, “It will heal, won’t it?”
His father looked at him unconvinced, and his expression shifted from relief into a deep frown. “You won’t be able to train, let alone walk, for weeks” he sighed, pressing the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes briefly. He heard how Kaeya grumbled awake beside him; he slowly sat up and groggily rubbed his eye.
“What were you thinking? Going out in this weather without telling anyone where you were going?” His father shook his head. “I was worried sick. Something might have happened to you both! You are grounded for at least two months. I’m utterly disappointed in you, son.” Diluc was fully ready to simply sit through the lecture of his father; he deserved it after all. His negligence had brought his brother into danger.
“Master Crepus don’t blame him,” Kaeya interjected in defense of Diluc.
Crepus's eyes shifted towards the younger brother and immediately softened. “Kaeya, he needs to hear this. You both were in a lot of danger today, and he’s the older one. He should’ve known better and not put you at any risk. I don’t want something like today to happen again. What if I hadn’t found you both in time?”
“But my brother did protect me!” retorted Kaeya. Diluc's heart melted. It was the first time Kaeya had called him brother. His father had noticed it too and sighed, then smiled at the two of them. “I’m just worried for your safety. Please promise me that you will be more careful in the future.”
Kaeya nodded, and Diluc sheepishly smiled at his father, “We promise we will tell you beforehand when we go off on another adventure.” His father rolled his eyes and ruffled his hair. “You both are going to be the death of me,” he muttered before offering him a warm mug of tea.
After sipping his tea and taking medicine to numb the pain from his broken leg, Diluc drifted back into slumber. The next time he stirred awake, he found himself and Kaeya nestled in his father’s protective arms. Both his brother and father were still fast asleep. He smiled at them, and his head fell back onto the pillow. He would take a hundred more lectures and be grounded until he was forty, as long as they were all safe. In the safety of his father's arms, he drifted back to sleep.
(4 month later)
The ocean was a peculiar thing, Kaeya found. It seemed endless and peaceful, yet it had its own rules, capable of pulling everything back into the deep ocean when the time was right. He was almost jealous of that. A stark contrast to what he was used to back home, although it had nearly been a year since he stayed with the Ragnvindr, and it became easier to consider the grand mansion his home instead.
He only had to reach out his hand, and the gentle waves would brush his fingers as he sat on the beach. He closed his eyes, feeling the warm summer breeze gently brushing his hair from his face. He imagined how it must feel to be swimming in the ocean—closing his eyes, feeling the gentle waves around him, slowly drifting away. He could find peace then.
A seagull screamed. His eye snapped open, he wasn’t drifting in the ocean and peace wasn’t a luxury he could afford. He couldn’t ever be at peace, he had a job to fulfill after all.
“There you are,” his brother greeted him with a slight slap on his back.
Kaeya looked up to him from where he was sitting in the sand. Diluc’s red locks were tied in a ponytail, his hands and trousers smudged with sand. A band-aid was plastered on top of his forehead as he had recently gotten into trouble again, but he overall looked better now, no longer having to carry his crutches everywhere. Kaeya still felt immensely guilty for everything that had happened back in spring, but his brother reassured him every time he brought it up, that it was not his fault and it was fine. He could walk again after all.
“What are you thinking about?” The redhead wondered as he slumped down on the soft sand next to Kaeya.
“Just the waves,” Kaeya replied, his gaze was transfixed on the rhythmic waves as they washed over the beach before they dragged the sand and everything else in their path back out to sea.
“What is so interesting about the waves?” His brother looked quizzically at the waves as if he could discern what had Kaeya so mesmerized through intense staring alone. And Kaeya wanted to explain it to him, show him why these waves were so special. But he hesitated, as he always did. He couldn’t let them know.
“You wouldn’t understand,” he mumbled after a while, looking down at his hands. He picked up the soft sand in one hand and slowly let it slip out again. It all felt so warm. It was strange how he got used to all of this so quickly.
His brother grumbled next to him but didn’t push him further; he never did. Diluc always caused trouble, but he understood when to push Kaeya and when to let it slide. Kaeya was truly grateful for it.
“Well, look what I found,” his brother shoved a strange object into his hands. Kaeya couldn’t quite place it. He turned it around in his hands. It felt cold, a stark contrast to the beach; it had a pale color and ragged edges.
“What is it?”
“It’s a seashell, silly! The beach is full of them. We should go and collect some,” the other got up and reached a hand down to his brother, who was still fascinated by the seashell.
“Why?”
“Because they look pretty? We can gift some to father and Adelinde later!” That convinced him, and he grabbed his brother's hand.
It didn’t take long for Kaeya to gleefully search for any seashells. It seemed so mundane at first to him. A few months ago, this would have been unimaginable. He was to be a soldier, a spy, and he had a job to do. He shouldn’t be allowed to have fun or even enjoy his time away from his former home. And yet, he found that Diluc’s stupid advantageous nature was contagious.
The next one he found was a lot darker than the others. One of the edges was broken off, and it was already forming more tears along the middle. But when he turned it over and the sun hit it just right, it was reflecting vast amounts of colors. It was beautiful.
His brother came over to him, showing off his collection of seashells. Once he saw Kaeya’s dark seashell, he grimaced. “Why did you pick that one up? It’s ugly.”
“It’s not, you’re just stupid!”
“Yes, it is!”
Kaeya stuck his tongue out at his brother before gesturing to his seashells, “at least mine is unique.”
Diluc grabbed the seashell out of Kaeya’s hands. “Hey!” He turned the seashell over in his hands before returning it to Kaeya’s hands. “Fine. You are right, it does glow pretty in the sunlight. But did you not collect any other seashells?”
Kaeya looked at him triumphantly, then he gestured next to him where his own pile of collected seashells lay. Granted, it was merely half of what Diluc had in his hands, yet Kaeya was no less proud of himself.
Diluc stuffed his seashells into his trouser pockets. It looked ridiculous with the pockets filled to the brim, the seams that held the pockets together ready to tear at any minute. One last seashell was left in his hands. He pressed the seashell into Kaeya’s hands. Kaeya carefully flipped it over and regarded it in his hands. It was unlike any of the seashells he had seen on the beach. It was spiky with white and streaks of reddish-brown. Diluc informed him that it was a conch.
“I want you to have it.” Kaeya looked at him confused. It was a beautiful seashell, no question, but he already had his heap of seashells.
“You said you liked the waves.” Kaeya nodded. Diluc gestured for him to hold the conch to his ear. He followed Diluc’s instructions, and his eye lit up when he heard the echoes of the waves. “Now you can always have the ocean close to you!” Diluc grinned at him.
Listening to the waves in the conch wasn’t the same as drifting through them and getting lost, but it brought him a lot of comfort nonetheless. He slung his arms around his brother. “Thank you.”
Then he let go of him and shoved his black shell into Diluc’s hands. His brother looked at him confused. “Well, if I get a seashell that reminds me of you, you should get one that reminds you of me.”
Diluc smiled at the shell and closed his hands carefully around it.
*
It remained a mystery to Kaeya how Diluc was still brimming with energy after running along the beach all day, while he himself felt thoroughly drained. Making his way across the soft sand, Kaeya found Crepus settled exactly where they had left him, perched atop the dune with their picnic blanket, deeply focused on the canvas before him.
Kaeya was fascinated, the brush strokes seemed so effortless and were able to capture the whole essence of the scenery before them just like that.
“I wish I could do that.”
Crepus turned toward him with a calm gaze. “Who says you can’t?”
“I have never tried it before,” he trailed off. That was a lie though. Of course, they couldn’t exactly get any paint anywhere at his former home, they had bigger issues after all and his father always lectured him on how he had no time to paint, there were pressing matters to attend to. But what his father didn’t know was that he sometimes sneaked in ashes from the rubble in the streets and drew little pictures in the books he found, if he even could call them books. They had been severely burned or were torn. It made it nearly impossible to read them anyways, so he might as well get some use out of them besides them just sitting there.
Besides, his father never taught him anything from these books. He did teach him some things, like reading to uphold the Khaenri'ahn tongue and legacy. He taught him how to read and manipulate people to one’s will and he taught him their history. Whenever he would recite the things that happened in the past, his father's face twisted with malice. He also taught him the most basics of combat. Yet he never taught him what the books were about.
He could barely make out any of the titles on the leather bindings. Sometimes he was able to make out words, they ranged from random alchemy words to astrology terms. But most of it was nonsense to him. When he thought about the books now, he found himself missing the delicate Khaenri'ahn lettering. It’s been so long since he last spoke in his mother tongue. He wondered if, with time passing, he would simply forget the language altogether. What scared him the most was the uncertainty of whether forgetting it all would be a good or a bad thing for him.
So, whenever his father was away, Kaeya tried to draw. He drew what he pictured the surface must look like, he drew the monsters that were still lurking in the shadows, but most and foremost, he drew his mother. She died when he was 6 years old, of a simple fever. If only they had the same resources they have now at the winery, maybe they could've saved her. His father had always been strict with him, didn’t show him the same level of affection his mother used to show him, and yet he became even more distant once his mother passed.
His father had burned all her belongings, claiming it was for the best of them. It would make moving on easier. But Kaeya found that it didn’t help him; he was yearning for some connection to her. He tried to draw her because her face started to become murkier and blurrier in his memories, and he desperately wanted to hold on to her. It had only been two years now, and he could barely remember her face.
But he could only do so much with the rotten books and ash.
"Then today is a great day to start, isn't it?" Crepus interrupted his thoughts.
"Come over and paint whatever comes to your mind." He waved him over and held out his brush.
Kaeya approached him slowly. "But your painting is gorgeous! I would only destroy it." Crepus shook his head. "I had the feeling the whole day that there is something missing, maybe you can help me draw whatever is missing."
Kaeya hesitantly accepted the brush from the man and examined the canvas more closely. Crepus had done an amazing job, capturing the beach and ocean in perfect detail. He wished he could draw his mother into this scenery, conjure her into existence, so she too could feel the breeze of the ocean in her hair and the cool water against her skin. Yet, he hesitated. What if he failed to draw her accurately even with this professional paint? No, he wouldn't risk that heartache. Instead, he settled on drawing Diluc, who was still busy tossing rocks into the ocean. He just had to know if he could even draw someone who was right in front of him.
"You've never drawn before?" Crepus said skeptically once Kaeya put the brush down and examined what he had created. The scene of the ocean and the beach that Crepus had drawn remained unchanged, except now, Diluc stood on the beach with his back toward the ocean, facing them and grinning widely, showing his teeth.
"Not with paint," he mumbled. The painting of his brother still didn’t look the way he wanted; it seemed off. You could certainly tell it was supposed to be Diluc, with his red hair, the same clothes, and the giant troublemaker grin. But, the painting of him just didn’t feel right, as if he couldn’t quite capture Diluc’s essence. He probably wouldn’t ever be able to draw and capture what he saw, capturing it forever. Defeated, he stepped away from the canvas and offered Crepus the brush back.
"This looks amazing, son! If I had known you had this much fun and talent in painting, I would have arranged painting lessons for you much sooner!" Crepus beamed at him and placed one hand on his shoulder. Kaeya blinked in confusion. "Painting lessons?"
"Of course! If you're interested, we can arrange for a teacher as soon as we return to the mansion!" He chuckled. "I tried to interest Diluc in painting for years, but he never seemed to care much for it."
“I'd love painting lessons!” Kaeya eagerly said. “Well then, you shall have them.”
Diluc approached them, curious about all the noise. With every step he took, they could hear the seashells in his pockets moving and clinking together. He looked at the painting and held his hand to his face. “Great painting, but something is missing.” Diluc grabbed the brush and hastily drew two stick figures next to the figure Kaeya had painted. Adding a beard to one and an eyepatch to the other, Diluc proudly declared, "There, now we're all part of it!"
Crepus laughed, "You both captured exactly what was missing. Now, to finish, we all need to add our signatures." With that, he elegantly wrote a cursive 'CR' in the corner of the painting. Diluc took the brush next, though he had learned cursive in their writing lessons — something Kaeya would know as they attended the same classes — he still hurriedly scribbled his initials in a sloppy 'DR'. Then, he turned to Kaeya and pressed the brush into his hands.
He hesitated after he saw the two names. Would his name not completely stand out? He wasn’t part of their family after all, not really. Not in truth at least. Crepus placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder “Your name belongs on the painting just as much as ours does.”
So, he wrote a small 'K' between the two of them.
“Look at that, you are getting better at calligraphy by the day!” said Crepus happily.
Kaeya considered his work and found that his name oddly enough fit right in between the other two. He turned to the other two and smiled proudly at them.