Chapter Text
The water was icy cold, stealing what little breath was left in her lungs as she plunged off the bridge and into the ocean below, the now-slain henchman’s sword sliding out of her stomach like a hot knife in butter.
Not that it matters, the girl thought bitterly as the darkness closed in, starting at the edges of her vision until it overtook her entire vision. Or maybe it was just because the water was dark.
No, definitely the stab wound.
She used her last few moments to ruminate on things she could have changed in the minuteshoursdaysmonthsyears that lead to her death.
If only I’d focused on training instead of Sasuke.
I should have stayed friends with Ino.
I should have been nicer to Naruto.
I should have-
—-
Haruno Sakura awoke with a gasp, face damp.
Ocean water? No, tears.
When she had taken several deep breaths and calmed her racing heart, she finally was able to take stock of her surroundings. Or, at least, whatever she could see in the room that managed to be illuminated by the half moon peeking through her curtains.
The sight of her desk, laden with textbooks and library books, was enough to assure her it was her room. The soft thing she sat upon was her mattress, far away from any ocean.
“Kai!” Sakura balled up her fist and struck her left thigh as she spoke, knowing that pain sometimes helped in disrupting a genjutsu. Yet, it looked like this was no genjutsu, just plain old reality.
A quick prodding of her stomach informed her that she wasn’t dying of a stab wound after failing to protect a drunk old man who lied about the mission her team was on.
Her team?
Had it all been a dream?
That was a crazy dream, Inner. Sometimes, after a bad nightmare, she had little chats with the voice in her head to self-soothe. It was like an imaginary friend, but also not really. Maybe her next library trip should include a few books on psychology. Inner?
There was nothing but silence in her head, though, and after a few repeated attempts to call out to Inner, an emptiness began to creep in.
If only I’d focused on training instead of Sasuke.
I should have stayed friends with Ino.
I should have been nicer to Naruto.
The thoughts came unbidden to her mind, and only served to add to the turbulence inside her. They were familiar thoughts, in a way, but not. It was unusually serious, with an added pinch of something more real.
Knowing she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, Sakura swung her legs out from beneath her blankets and padded as quietly as she could to the bathroom that sat between her room and that of her parents.
It was only after she flipped on the lights over the sink that she realized they weren’t even home. They usually weren’t, now that she was old enough to stay home by herself.
Still, ninja were supposed to be stealthy, so she chose to try and keep her noise to a minimum regardless of the home’s lack of other occupants. The only noises were the squeak of the faucet’s handles, the murmur of water burbling from the taps, and the sound of said water being splashed on the girl’s pale face. By the time she was done, the sticky tear tracks were gone, but her eyes still had a telltale red puffiness to them. The color only seemed to make her green eyes that much brighter.
“Inner?” She whispered aloud to her mental companion as she turned off the taps.
Nothing.
For the first time in many years, Sakura was well and truly alone. And yet, there was still a lingering sense of prompting in the back of her mind. A need to accomplish the tasks her dream self regretted not doing, as she died in a strange land while her teammates didn’t even notice.
None of the ideas seemed overwhelmingly impossible- yes, she thought Sasuke was cute, and she wouldn’t say no if he asked her to spend time with him, but… He’d never reciprocated.
If anything, the pinkette thought as she crawled beneath her blankets one again, a thread of bitterness snaking its way through her heart, he seems to react best to Hinata, and she doesn’t even give him the time of day.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give it a rest. Absence was supposed to make the heart grow fonder, wasn’t it? Besides, there was no way she could mend things with Ino if she was still openly vying for the last Uchiha.
The sudden desire to be kind to Uzumaki Naruto, however, seemed to come from thin air. It wasn’t that Sakura wanted to be cruel to the blond, even though she’d seen plenty of adults do so- it was just his persistence in asking her out and gods above is that what I’ve been putting Sasuke-kun through all this time? The revelation slammed into her like a boulder.
Yikes was perhaps putting it too mildly.
“Okay,” she said in the dark emptiness of her room, determination painted on her delicate features, “I’m going to leave Sasuke alone and ask Ino to forgive me and…” She paused as she racked her brain for what to do in regards to the other blond on her list. “Share my lunch with Naruto?” He never had more than a misshapen rice ball or instant ramen, whenever she saw him at lunch.
Besides, she was going to have to start eating more, if she was serious about training with the extra time she would free up by not focusing her attention on a boy who didn’t want it, so what was making a little extra on top of that?
Mind made up, Sakura was finally able to calm herself enough to drift back to sleep, this time without the bloody nightmares of her own future demise.
The insistent, shrill ring of her alarm clock was the only thing that managed to rouse her. The girl flung one hand out from beneath her blanket pile, groping blindly around the nightstand beside her head until she managed to slam it down atop the contraption, silencing it until the next day.
Bleary green eyes only just made out the time on the clock face as the ten year old swung her legs over the side of her bed, struggling for a moment as her legs became tangled in the covers before finally managing to tug herself free. She was only half-conscious, going through the motions rather than putting much thought into the actions of her morning routine.
It was only after she’d flushed the toilet and stood at the bathroom sink washing her hands that she was shocked into awareness.
There was nothing unusual about her reflection, the same pale face and long, tangled pastel locks she always saw in the mornings, but locking gazes with herself in the mirror brought memories of the previous night, and its night terrors, to the forefront of her mind.
“Inner is gone.” Sakura whispered, not sure if she was trying to convince herself that it was true, or if she was hoping that by saying it aloud, she could summon her… whatever Inner was. She had always been kind of spiteful like that, so maybe it would work?
Silence continued to reign in her head, but was quickly overwhelmed with her racing, panicked thoughts.
She didn’t want to die! She didn’t want to be a useless, weak afterthought that was killed on her first mission outside of the village!
Her resolve to carry out the changes she’d vowed to herself the night before only strengthened as she finished her routine, washing her face, brushing her teeth, and carefully detangling her knotted mass of hair.
Speaking of her hair, maybe she should cut it? If she was really going to try and not care what Sasuke-kun thought of her, it wouldn’t matter what the length was. Plus, it couldn’t hurt to make a visible declaration of that to Ino, since she was determined to repair their friendship.
…She would just braid it, for then. No need to rush into a hasty decision when it had taken her years to grow it out, after all.
Small, dexterous fingers parted her hair into three even sections (or what she hoped was even- she couldn’t exactly spot the back of her head in the bathroom mirror)., twisting and twirling until she had a plait that ran down her back, tied off with a scrunchie that matched the well-loved red ribbon keeping her bangs back. Maybe if Ino saw…
Slipping back into her room to change out of her pajamas, she noted she was making decent time. Usually, Sakura arrived to class obscenely early, thirty minutes or more before lessons started- it had started as a way to avoid bullies, but morphed into a way to ensure she could snag a seat near Sasuke-kun.
Now that she was freeing her time up, she’d put it to use on making a proper lunch, instead of just shoving a half portion of rice and some umeboshi into the smallest bento she owned and hoping her stomach wouldn’t growl. She wasn’t sure if she was willing to risk trying breakfast, yet- it usually upset her stomach to eat so early, and she really didn’t need to add puking in class to the list of her exploits. That was far more embarrassing than some of the things she’d done to get the lone Uchiha’s attention.
Sakura spent so much time by herself in the house, her parents usually off in other villages for business for the Haruno clan, she knew how to cook. More importantly, she knew how to cook well. There had been a time before her endless dieting where she would make a multi-course meal just because (a happier time when Ino would come over and be wowed by her independence).
“Guess I’m putting myself back to the test today,” she murmured to herself as she got a few portions of rice settled in the electric cooker and moved to dig a few pots and pans out of the cabinets. She still wasn’t tall enough to reach them by herself, so Sakura had to enlist the help of one of the chairs positioned around the kitchen table to stand on as she rummaged around for what she needed.
Since she was the only one home often enough to cook, everything was exactly where she’d last placed it, and in no time she was chopping vegetables, depositing them in their respective pot or pan, and adding a dash of mirin or soy sauce here and there. It was a soothing routine, one that she hadn’t even realized she missed in the frenzy to just… belong.
That was part of the reason she went so hard on the fangirling, after all. Everyone else was doing it, and it meant she could fit in a little better. Obviously, there was something genuine to it- Sasuke-kun was cute, that was just part of Uchiha genetics (from what she remembered- it had been a few years since the last time she’d seen one who wasn’t her crush, obviously). She was still a pre-teen girl, after all, and hormones were coming out to smack her in the face in new ways every day.
There wasn’t time to do anything decadent, but it was more than she’d put together for herself in a while. Besides, since she was giving her second bento to Naruto (if he actually showed up for school that day), it wasn’t like she had to impress anyone but herself and the blond boy. And with the sad lunches she’d seen him tote around, on the days when he had anything at all, she doubted he would critique her for not making anything complex.
“Why am I even-” Before she could even finish her grumbling as she tied the two lunchboxes up neatly in a large, decorative cloth. There were just some vanities she wasn’t ready to give up yet, even as her mind decided to dredge up more of her dream from last night. Thankfully less bloody than her initial memories of it.
”Ne, ne, Sakura-chan,” the blond boy was practically vibrating with excitement, “I used some of my mission money to get you a present!”
He wasted no time in whipping the stick of dango out from behind his back, beaming like a ray of sunshine as he did so.
And what had Dream Sakura done? Told him she only wanted gifts from Sasuke-kun.
It was rudeness of the highest order, and she kind of wanted to kick her dream self for acting that way. But it was just a memory… of what could come to pass? It was a little jumbled in her head, but no matter, at least Sakura could assure herself that she wasn’t going to be like that from then on.
Sure, Naruto had started pestering her to go out on a date with him this year, now that they were all starting to approach puberty, but it hadn’t excused the way she’d responded each time.
Once again, she was struck with a sense of horror as she drew parallels between that situation and her own single-minded pursuit of Sasuke-kun.
Was I really that bad? The pinkette thought as she shut and locked the front door behind her, ready to get to class and not have to dwell too much on the dream.
I’ve been even worse, I think. she answered her own question with a wince, drawing a look of concern from old lady Michiko as the woman swept the stoop of her tailor shop. The elderly woman didn’t say anything, though, but Sakura could feel the curious gaze on her until she turned the corner onto the next street.