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Steve’s first true day off in weeks starts with the shrill sound of jackhammers on concrete as the builders pick up their work on the construction site across the street at seven a.m. sharp. Any hope of sleeping in is gone as soon as the first volley of noise drills its way right into his skull, extrapolated by the exhaustion still clinging to his very bones and the cold making itself at home in his bedroom. He left the window open last night, a choice he finds himself regretting deeply as the racket of the construction work starts mixing with the sounds of traffic on wet streets and the general hubbub of the city waking up just outside his bedroom window.
Steve turns over, trying to hide his face in his pillow as he pulls the blanket up as far as he can bear without feeling like he’s suffocating underneath. He squeezes his eyes shut again in an attempt to drown out the world outside the apartment,but unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work. Realistically, Steve should just get up and close the window, but that would mean leaving his blanket cocoon and allowing the cold to seep into his skin and for now, that seems almost worse than just gritting his teeth and trying to ignore the noise outside.
It’s still dark out, and Steve tries to force himself to go back to sleep. It’s a futile exercise, Steve knows - all he’s really doing is aggravating himself even further as he drifts without managing to get any more actual rest.
The last couple of weeks have been rough, to say the least. With the winter term break coming up, Steve had his hands full with paperwork and grading, pulling extra hours at school and sacrificing evenings and weekends just to get everything done on time. Steve loves teaching, and while he’s still set on finishing his course to be able to go into education full time, it’s times like these when he feels himself being stretched as thin as a rubber band on the verge of snapping in two. He’s been running on little to no sleep, and if it hadn’t been for Eddie hovering around and pushing plates of food onto his desk, he might have wasted away before even managing to make it to the school holidays in the first place.
Sleep doesn’t come again, not that Steve is surprised. Yesterday's mild and sunny day has turned into a dreary and cold February morning, like the weather is trying to reflect Steve’s equally dull mood. He had planned to sleep in, make a big breakfast for Eddie and himself - a small thank you for the persistent support over the last few weeks. Instead, when Steve drags himself out of bed far earlier than anticipated, he can already feel the beginning of a headache in the pressure that is building behind his eyes. Well, fuck .
Even the limited amount of light that manages to make its way through the clouds hanging low and heavy in the sky makes Steve cringe as he pushes back his heavy comforter and shivers under the onslaught of cold air having seeped into his room overnight.
Steve doesn’t bother with the window, nor with getting dressed, and instead shuffles into the shared kitchen and living space still in plaid pyjama pants and a ratty old shirt that he isn’t sure is actually his own. It’s marginally quieter here, if only because unlike Steve, it seems that Eddie actually had the presence of mind to shut the windows in the communal area. It’s warmer too, a small comfort as Steve is going through the motions, pulling out mugs and setting up their coffee maker.
The clock shows it’s just past half eight, and Steve’s thoughts drift to the man still most likely still asleep at the other end of their shared apartment. He wonders if it’s quieter there, if Eddie would mind if Steve snuck into Eddie’s room to climb under Eddie’s blankets with him, if Eddie would wrap an arm around Steve’s middle and pull him close…
It’s nothing new, the way Steve’s mind starts wandering and inevitably ends up settling on the man who arguably is his best friend. At this point, Eddie is second only to Robin in Steve’s life, although Steve is aware that his feelings for the two of them couldn’t be more different. It has been that way for a long time now.
There’s always been something about Eddie that drew Steve in, even well before they almost lost their lives together during the shitshow that was 1986. Steve hadn’t been ready to admit to it then, and it took him a long time to be able to even after they actually became friends, too. It’s been years by now, years of Steve quietly pining away but never daring to do much more than that.
Steve rests his forehead against the kitchen cupboards once the coffee maker quietly sputters to life and lets his eyes fall closed. If he allows himself to drift a little, to think back to the way Eddie had been pressed warm and comforting against his side while they were watching a movie just last week, or to imagine for only a moment how it’d feel to be able to nestle into that same warmth right now, that’s no one’s business but his own.
He’s not sure how long he stands there, unwilling to move from his spot leaning against the kitchen cupboards and holding onto the counter for support. There’s something soothing about the smooth, cool wood and the smell of fresh coffee, even though it doesn’t do much to soothe the building pain behind Steve’s temples.
Time ticks on, and Steve only comes back to himself when he feels a hand on his waist. It’s a true testament to the state that he’s in when, instead of startling, Steve only leans into the touch.
“Mornin’ Sunshine.” Eddie murmurs quietly as he passes behind Steve, who reluctantly pulls back from the cabinets and blinks his eyes open.
Eddie looks soft , with his long hair still rumpled from sleep and a crease from his pillow stark on his pale cheek. When their eyes meet, Eddie gives him a little smile and Steve feels an ache deep in his chest. For once, he doesn’t resist the urge to lean further into Eddie.
Eddie huffs quietly, amused, his breath ghosting Steve’s neck as Steve’s back hits Eddie’s chest with a thud, but Eddie doesn’t attempt to step away. Instead, his hand tightens for a brief moment where it still rests on Steve’s side and Steve selfishly allows himself a little more and drops his head back against Eddie’s shoulder.
It’s a little much, even for them and their considerable lack of boundaries, but if Eddie is bothered, he doesn’t say so. Instead, he slowly winds an arm around Steve’s middle and allows him to remain right where he is, leaning against Eddie, eyes falling shut again.
“Bad morning?” Eddie whispers, as if he can already tell that Steve’s strung too thin, that loud noises are the opposite of what Steve needs right now. It wouldn’t be surprising, given that sometimes Steve feels like Eddie knows him better than he knows himself.
Steve manages a nod, and gets another squeeze in return before Eddie pats his flank lighty and says, just as gently. “Turn around for me, sweetheart?”
The pet name makes Steve’s insides squirm, as they often do despite the fact that Steve should be used to them by now. He still does as Eddie asks, his eyes only opening the smallest sliver to see where he’s going as he shuffles on the spot. As soon as they’re face to face, Eddie pulls Steve right back against his chest, one hand settling securely on the small of Steve’s back as soon as Steve gets with the program and allows himself to sink into Eddie’s arms. Steve didn’t realise how much tension he was holding in his shoulders, but it slowly bleeds out with every second he stays hidden against Eddie’s chest.
His arms wind loosely around Eddie’s middle, while Eddie goes about filling a cup of coffee with far more care than the action requires. Steve only realises belatedly, while hiding his face against Eddie’s neck and breathing in the scent of his own shampoo on Eddie’s hair, that it’s for his benefit: Eddie moves slowly enough that the clink of ceramic and tableware remains nearly silent.
Steve finds himself drifting again, lost in the comfort of being so close to someone he trusts implicitly, someone who cares enough to hold onto him and move quietly around him and allow Steve to drown out everything else.
“Migraine?” Eddie murmurs, breath ghosting the shell of Steve’s ear as he speaks. It makes goosebumps rise along Steve’s neck, and a shiver slowly travels down his spine.
Eddie is right, unsurprisingly. Steve hadn’t really considered this for what it was, the beginning of a migraine, hard to see when you’re already well on your way to being stuck in the middle of it even if it seems clear as day once the word is out of Eddie’s mouth.
“‘S alright.” Eddie adds before Steve can answer, and for a moment, Steve thinks he feels Eddie’s lips against his temple, but the touch is gone before he can be sure. “I’ve got you, come on.”
Steve lets Eddie take over without hesitation, allows himself to be guided away from the kitchen counters and over to the couch, goes along with it as Eddie pushes him to settle down and doesn’t question the hand that cards through his hair before Eddie steps away. Steve sinks into the cushions as Eddie putters around the room, pulling curtains closed and bathing the room in a darkness that’s much more bearable than the light Steve had tried to hide from moments ago. Steve sighs quietly, relieved, and settles further into the couch. It’s only a moment before Eddie is back again with a warm mug full of coffee pressed into Steve’s hands with a wink and a gentle smile. His heart gives a pitiful squeeze as he takes a sip. Of course, it’s made exactly how he likes it. It’s a simple gesture, but it doesn’t change the way that every little sip of coffee makes Steve feel warm in a way that has nothing to do with the heat of the drink.
Steve hasn’t been doing too bad the last couple of months. He’s only a handful of attacks, few and far in between, and unlike this time, he’s gotten through them pretty much on his own. Usually, by the time Eddie came home from work, Steve was already deep into the throws of it, and there wasn’t much Eddie could do at that point anyway. Steve’s all the more grateful for the change in routine this time, for Eddie taking charge and allowing Steve to not have to think for once, to let himself be taken care of for a change. Steve has always struggled asking for help, and it’s an undeniable relief that when it comes to Eddie, he doesn’t have to.
Eddie’s still moving around their kitchenette, from the looks of it trying to make the quietest piece of toast known to mankind, and Steve can neither stop his gaze from lingering nor his smile turning soft and fond. Eddie catches Steve looking, throwing a grin over shoulder before he turns back to finish his task, and Steve lowers his gaze with his cheeks tinted pink.
Less than a minute later, the couch dips beside him and there’s a plate being set onto his thighs.
“Made you some breakfast, sweetheart. Gotta eat something before the nausea sets in.” Eddie’s knee settles against Steve’s as he speaks, a comforting pressure despite the simple touch.
“Thank you.” Steve murmurs back, his own voice grating in his ears, not at all helping the steady throb of his head. “I feel spoiled.”
Eddie huffs the smallest laugh and nudges Steve’s knee playfully. There’s mirth in his eyes, but Steve spots the concern hidden behind it, too. Eddie’s eyes don’t leave him as Steve eats, but Steve finds that he doesn’t mind Eddie’s quiet attention. He’s going slow, trying not to agitate his stomach more than he has to, stifling more than one yawn as he chews his way through the buttered bread under Eddie’s watchful gaze.
“Gonna get some more sleep?” Eddie asks as they eat and Steve winces at the mere thought of the ever present construction noise inside his bedroom.
He shakes his head, defeated, and ends up sagging further into the cushions as he does.
“No point.” Steve admits when Eddie raises a brow. “Too loud.”
Eddie tilts his head, trying to hear the noises Steve hasn’t been able to ignore, that drilled into his very skull with every passing second. Eddie’s eyes widen once he realises, and Steve already knows he won’t be able to unhear the noise now either.
“My room’s quiet.” Eddie says instead of whatever Steve might have anticipated next. “You can crash in my bed.”
Steve hesitates. It’s not because he doesn’t believe Eddie, it’s likely to be quieter given that his room is on the other side of the flat from Steve’s. Instead, it feels like crossing an invisible line, one that Steve isn’t sure how he’ll come back from after the fact. He’s already indulged himself too much this morning, has left himself too vulnerable and accepting Eddie’s offer feels like a slippery slope.
Eddie seems to sense Steve’s uncertainty, but instead of letting him stew in his thoughts, he takes the empty plate and mug from Steve’s hands to set them on the table before grabbing Steve’s hands in his own.
“Let’s get you to bed, darling.” Eddie says softly and once again, Steve’s stomach swoops. When he looks up to meet Eddie’s gaze, he finds nothing but affection and maybe a hint of lingering concern. How is he supposed to deny Eddie like this?
Eddie squeezes Steve’s hands, but he waits for Steve’s little nod before getting up and pulling Steve to his feet as well.
Eddie’s room is as cluttered as always, but it’s warm and blessedly quiet and the sheets are soft as Steve sinks down onto the mattress. He’s glad he didn’t bother changing out of his pyjamas earlier as he winds his way under Eddie’s comforter while Eddie watches from the very edge of the bed with a smile that is as small as it is fond.
Absentmindedly, Steve reaches out and curls his fingers around Eddie’s wrist, giving a laughably weak little tug. Later, Steve will blame it on his tiredness, or the way an incoming migraine tends to leave him needy and strung out, or simply the way Eddie’s scent on the pillow is slowly getting to his head.
For now, Steve barely even registers it when he murmurs: “Can you stay? Just for a few minutes, please?”
There’s a beat of silence in which Steve realises what he’s asked for, in which Steve tries to prepare himself for the inevitable shame that’ll settle over him as soon as Eddie turns him down and pulls away from Steve’s touch - only for Eddie to turn his wrist in Steve’s grasp to squeeze his hand instead.
“Anything you want, baby.” Eddie whispers and Steve is incredibly thankful for the blanket covering him up to his chin because he instantly flushes head to toe because… baby? That is new, and it does things to Steve’s insides he isn’t sure he wants to admit to aloud.
Steve tugs on their now joined hands instead of voicing any of the thoughts in his head, and Eddie comes easily despite the way he looks at Steve with his eyes wide and uncertain, joining Steve underneath the heavy comforter.
Eddie hesitates - Steve doesn’t dare move in fear of throwing off whatever delicate balance remains between them - before Eddie closes the distance and lets go of their tangled hands in favour of wrapping an arm around Steve’s middle and pulling Steve back against his chest. Steve lets out a slow breath, tension bleeding out of him as he settles snug against Eddie’s front, hands curled into Eddie’s shirt and nose pressed up against the dip of Eddie’s throat. It’s much more intimate than when they stood in the kitchen. Steve feels warm, and safe, and comfortable, despite the ever increasing pulse and throb of his migraine settling in. Eddie holds him close in the dark room, under the heavy covers, one hand secure against Steve’s back, the other carding gentle fingers through his hair. If not for the pain radiating through his skull, Steve might feel like he’s died and gone to heaven.
“I’ve got you, baby.” Eddie whispers, and Steve feels the phantom touch of lips on his temple again, only this time he’s certain that Eddie has pressed the ghost of a kiss to his skin. If Eddie keeps this up, keeps calling Steve baby on top of it, Steve might start crying in the state he’s in. It’s either that, or grabbing Eddie by the collar of his shirt and kissing him until neither of them can breathe. The latter is more tempting, although Steve doubts he could muster the energy for it right now.
“I know.” Steve replies, just as quietly and brushes his own approximation of a kiss against Eddie’s throat. If Eddie reacts to it, Steve doesn’t notice, already halfway to drifting off in the comfort of Eddie’s embrace.
When Steve comes to again, slowly but surely, the room is pitch black. It must be evening, or night already, and while Steve hadn’t meant to be falling asleep for this long, he can’t deny he feels leagues better than when he laid down in the first place. He’s still sleepy despite pretty much having wasted the day away, and his scalp still feels somewhat tender too, but the pulse and throb is gone and that’s more than Steve can ask for when it comes to a migraine attack.
It’s not until Steve shifts that he notices the weight of an arm around his middle and realises that Eddie has stayed, must have fallen asleep with him at some point, held him through the day even though there was no way Eddie needed the rest as much as Steve did.
It fills Steve with a surge of affection, makes him feel like his heart is expanding until it’s ready to burst right out of his chest. He doesn’t remember the last time someone’s cared for him quite like this, Robin notwithstanding, especially not without expecting something in return and here Eddie is - sacrificing his Saturday just to hold Steve through a migraine without even being asked to in the first place.
Steve is so over pretending that it doesn’t make him feel things, that Eddie doesn’t make him feel things - things that have very little to do with the way you’re meant to feel about your best friend.
Steve hums quietly to himself, nuzzling his nose along Eddie’s collarbone through the worn cotton of Eddie’s shirt. Eddie doesn’t stir, apparently still asleep. Steve hums again, shifting impossibly closer, his words muffled and his voice rough from sleeping all day when he murmurs into Eddie’s chest: “God, I fucking love you…”
Only that, instead of staying still and relaxed, Eddie stiffens.
And so does Steve. Because Eddie was not meant to be awake, he wasn’t meant to hear that, not like this. Maybe, Steve can play it off as a platonic statement, borne of gratefulness for his friend rather than the deep-running affection he truthfully feels - but, if he’s entirely honest, Steve doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want to lie. Besides that, he’s not sure it’d be of much use even if he tried, given that his own reaction to Eddie overhearing had most likely been enough to give the game away.
“Steve?” Eddie asks, quiet, and Steve stills even further, barely daring to draw a breath. He’s not even sure what he’s trying to achieve with it; it’s not like he can hide from Eddie with his face tucked against him.
“Steve.” Eddie says again, tone just a touch firmer, and Steve can’t help the way he shivers. “Can you look at me, sweetheart?”
It’s not a question, not really. There’s something about the way Eddie says it, gentle yet with little to no room for argument, that actually makes Steve do as Eddie says.
He’s not sure what he expects to see, maybe a smile that’s just on this side of teasing, maybe judgement, but what Steve finds instead is Eddie looking at him with wide, unsure eyes and something hesitant in the way his forehead creases between his brows. Steve wants to reach out and smooth a finger over the lines, but he finds himself less willing to move the longer Eddie’s eyes are on him.
“Thank you.” Eddie whispers, a beat too late already, but his lips twitch into a little smile that looks almost nervous in nature. It’s entirely unlike the loud persona people often associate with Eddie, and more like the softer, shyer side that even Steve doesn’t get to see too often.
Eddie’s eyes still flit over Steve’s features, like he’s looking for something, and Steve isn’t entirely sure what it is, only that he’s more than willing to give it to Eddie if he only asks. Steve’s not used to being looked at like this, intensely and attentively, and he’s even less used to looking back. It’s what makes him lower his gaze again, but even though he doesn’t go back to hiding all the way.
There’s another moment of stillness before Eddie shifts and Steve’s heart is back in his throat. Maybe looking away had been a mistake, had given Eddie the impression that he wouldn’t find whatever he was searching for within Steve, that all this had been nothing but an exercise in crossing boundaries.
Despite Steve’s fear, Eddie doesn’t move away from him though. Instead, Eddie’s reaching out and Steve holds his breath without meaning to. There’s the lightest brush of fingers tracing from Steve’s chin along his jaw; Eddie’s thumb settles over Steve’s cheek and long fingers curl around Steve’s head to settle at the back of his neck. There’s the slightest pressure, tilting Steve’s head back and forcing his gaze to meet Eddie’s once more.
A noise escapes him, quiet and needy and entirely embarrassing, setting Steve’s cheeks aflame. It’s not the first time Eddie’s had this kind of effect on Steve, but usually when he does, it’s much easier for Steve to be hiding it than it is now, pressed against the other man in his bed.
It’s almost too much, almost feels too intense - the closeness and warmth and firm hold Eddie has on him both with his hands and eyes - and Steve feels overwhelmed and honestly, a little reckless too. The air between them is charged, and maybe it’s that tension that makes Steve speak again.
“I didn’t mean to say it.” Steve admits, ever so quietly, and before Eddie can react or Steve can chicken out, he adds: “But I did mean it.”
Eddie licks his lips, like he’s trying to taste the words he wants to reply before they slip over his tongue, and Steve’s eyes slip for just a second before he remembers he’s supposed to be holding Eddie’s gaze, rather than allowing his attention to drift anywhere else - but it’s that little slip that finally turns Eddie’s smile more teasing, more sure of himself, and Steve shivers again.
“I’m going to kiss you now.” Eddie whispers, and while it’s not phrased like one, Steve realises that it actually is a question this time. He shifts marginally closer, almost impossible with how tangled they already are, but every last bit of space left between them feels like too much. Steve can’t manage a nod, not with how Eddie is cradling his head, but the smallest whisper crosses Steve’s lips and he’s so lost in everything Eddie that he’s not even sure if he’s said “Yes” or “Please” or maybe both.
Eddie’s second hand squeezes Steve’s side. He’s not even sure when it settled there, fingers spanning across Steve’s side right above where the scars sit under his shirt.
At first, Eddie does nothing but gently brush his lips over Steve’s, a soft barely there touch. Steve whines. It’s an uncharacteristically high-pitched noise catching in the back of his throat, one that he’s certain to be embarrassed about later.. What on earth is Eddie doing to him?
At least, it seems to be affecting Eddie too, who presses impossibly closer and, finally, firmly covers Steve’s lips with his own. A groan vibrates through Eddie’s chest and Steve can feel it both against his palm and all the way down to his bones..
It’s an innocent kiss, all things considered, and yet it somehow lights Steve up from the inside out. Maybe it’s how long he’s been wanting this, maybe it’s the way Eddie has cared for him today, has touched and held him, is holding him now - maybe it’s just the way that Eddie moves his lips now, slow and with intention, like he’s savouring the moment just as much as Steve is.
Steve outright melts into the kiss, becoming putty in Eddie’s hands. He parts his lips before Eddie even prompts him to, and he’s rewarded with a pleased hum that settles somewhere low in the pit of his stomach before Eddie’s tongue is meeting his own. It’s a little messy right from the start, and that honestly shouldn’t feel nearly as good as it does to Steve in the moment. He curls his fingers into Eddie’s shirt, as if to pull him even closer yet, but there isn’t any more space left between them to cover.
They kiss slowly and deeply, because at this point, they have waited long enough. There is no hurry and there is no rush, and Steve allows himself to simply feel . Eddie takes the lead like it comes naturally to him, and maybe it does, because Steve finds himself more than happy to follow his cues, to give himself over. He feels a little fuzzy, maybe from a lack of oxygen, maybe from the all encompassing presence that is Eddie all around him, but it’s not a bad feeling at all. It’s like letting go, one gasped breath between them at a time. Letting go of the doubts in his head and the thoughts clouding his mind and replacing all of them with nothing but Eddie.
Steve realises he might be a little starved for touch and affection when all it takes to send his blood running south is Eddie’s teeth lazily nipping at his lips between kisses. He’s sure he’s making all kinds of little noises, sighs and barely contained moans and each of them appears to encourage Eddie to hold him a little tighter, kiss him just a little harder than before.
Before long, the blanket covering them gets kicked off to the side and Steve shifts back to pull Eddie on top of him fully, relishing in the weight pressing him down into the mattress. Their legs tangle and one of Eddie’s thighs slots right between both of Steve’s own. Pressed together like this, there is no way Eddie can’t feel the way Steve is rapidly filling out in his pants, no way for Steve to deny just how much this is affecting him already. Their new position offers the barest hint of friction and Steve can’t help himself; he rolls his hips to chase the feeling.
“You have no idea…” Eddie whispers against Steve’s lips, right as a warm hand skims over bare skin along Steve’s waist where his shirt has ridden up. “No idea what you do to me.”
The next time Steve rocks his hips, Eddie meets him halfway, grinding down and showing Steve exactly what kind of effect he’s having in turn. Eddie’s hand traces higher, the barest hint of blunt nails over the rough scar tissue covering Steve’s stomach, before it cards through the hair trailing down from Steve’s chest. Fingers brush over a nipple and Steve stutters a moan into Eddie’s mouth, trying and failing to keep quiet. He feels like his skin is on fire, like Eddie’s is leaving sparks in his wake with every touch, and Steve can’t get enough of it. He arches into Eddie’s palm, chasing the feeling.
“Eddie.” Steve gasps. “I… fuck. ” The words stick in his throat and peter off in a low moan when the kisses gain teeth as soon as they begin to travel down along his neck. Even the slight twinge of pain goes straight to Steve’s cock. He can already feel a wet spot forming where he’s straining against his pyjamas. He knows that Eddie feels it too, especially when at the next hint of teeth, Steve rolls his hips again, grinding the hard line of his cock against Eddie’s thigh between his.
Eddie moans in turn and his hold on Steve tightens momentarily. Although it’s muffled between Steve’s neck and shoulder, it sends a shiver down Steve’s spine all the same. It’s the knowledge that he’s the one drawing those kinds of sounds out of Eddie that makes Steve feel like he’s floating: It’s already addicting, going to Steve’s head like no drug he’s ever had.
Steve needs more, needs whatever Eddie will give him, but all eloquence he might have had before today has left him the moment Eddie’s lips first touched his skin. He settles for tugging at Eddie’s shirt in a show of desperation, and while it makes Eddie huff a laugh into his neck, it still gets the message across. Steve still whines in protest when Eddie leans back, nonsensical but instinctual, only to flush when Eddie winks at him before he pulls his shirt over his head.
“You too, baby.” Eddie coos, now running both palms up Steve’s stomach and riding up his shirt fully as he goes. “You’re so beautiful, Stevie. I wanna see all of you.”
Compliments have always worked for Steve, and he’s sure Eddie knows it, too. Even if he didn’t, there’d be no denying it now - as soon as the praise leaves Eddie’s lips, Steve feels his skin warm as his cheeks go undoubtedly pink again.
Steve raises his arms at Eddie’s prompting, lets the shirt be tugged over his head and thrown off the bed. As soon as his hands are free again, he curls both of them around Eddie’s neck to pull him down once more, making him practically cover Steve’s body with his own. The weight of him on top of Steve is nothing short of divine, and Steve moans his improval into Eddie’s mouth as soon as their lips meet again. Having Eddie’s skin against his, navels to collarbones, their hips slotted together and their legs tangled - it makes Steve think he could die happy right here and now.
Eddie wastes no time licking into his mouth again and Steve is more than happy to surrender himself to Eddie’s every whim and desire. He runs his fingers through Eddie’s hair, untangling some of the smaller knots as he goes, then scratching lightly along Eddie’s scalp. Eddie hums, quiet and pleased.
It’s easy to get lost in it, warm skin and calloused hands, slow and deep kisses with an edge of teeth, the light rock of Eddie’s hips against Steve’s, allowing him to feel exactly how much this is affecting Eddie, too. Chasing the feeling, Steve meets Eddie halfway on the next thrust and even though the rhythm is clumsy, it’s enough to make Steve arch up with pleasure and drop his head back down to the pillows as a moan leaves his lips. It makes Eddie curse, too, although he muffles it by pressing his lips to the newly exposed skin of Steve’s throat.
“God, I just wanna bite you. Eat you alive.” Eddie murmurs, but it’s only followed by only a gentle scrape of teeth just below Steve’s Adam's apple. It makes Steve whine quietly, because he finds himself wanting it too, and badly so. He doesn’t want the juxtaposition of rough words to careful touch, he wants Eddie to leave marks as proof of what has happened here tonight, an unmistakable trail over every inch of skin that Eddie has touched. He tilts his head further back, tries to invite more - but Eddie only leaves wet kisses as he travels further down.
“Do it…” Steve asks, pleads, really . It may be several moments too late. Eddie hums quietly, like a question, and Steve threads his fingers back through Eddie’s hair. He doesn’t tug, just holds on, and is glad for the fact that Eddie can’t see his flaming cheeks as he asks for what he wants: “Bite me, Eddie.”
His reward comes instantaneously. Eddie groans quietly, but clearly with feeling, and grazes his teeth over the meaty part of Steve’s shoulder. One large hand runs down Steve’s side, settles over his hip bone and gives a squeeze. He’s about to call Eddie out for being a tease when the pressure increases and Eddie does exactly as Steve had asked - he bites down, and he does it hard . It hurts, but it does so in the best possible way and if not for the hand firmly on his hip, Steve might have arched off the bed at the sensation.
This time, he doesn’t try to stop himself from moaning, even if he sounds desperate and needy. Eddie doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, it only seems to spur him on. Moments later, teeth close over Steve’s collarbone, then high on his chest. It stings, but at the same time, it leaves Steve shivering in pleasure. He’s sure Eddie’s teeth leave indents in his skin and that thought alone makes Steve keen. He wants to be left with proof of what’s happening, proof that Eddie wants him, and, hopefully, will keep wanting him.
It’s an onslaught of sensation, especially for Steve who can never seem to get as much touch as he’s craving. Eddie’s showering him with it, now. He sucks one of Steve’s nipples into his mouth, tugs at Steve’s chest hair just enough to leave the skin tingling and tender, squeezes Steve’s hips and then Steve’s thighs as he moves lower. There are marks being sucked into the skin above Steve’s navel, a bite laid to Steve’s waist, and another over his hip bone. By the time that Eddie reaches the waistband of his pyjamas, Steve is painfully hard and leaking to the point that he’s certain he’s left a sizable wet spot in the fabric.
“Fucking hell, baby. Look at you, so fucking beautiful.” Eddie whispers and brushes his lips right over the wet spot where the tip of Steve’s cock tents the fabric of his pyjamas. Steve shivers, hard. “Wanna take you apart, I’d make you feel so good. You want that, sweetheart?”
If Steve hadn’t already been halfway out of his mind, Eddie’s low voice - sounding almost as wrecked as Steve feels - would have been the last push he needed.
He tries to reply, tries to speak, but on the first go, nothing but a garbled version of Eddie’s name makes it past his lips. It has the opposite effect of what Steve intended: Eddie pulls back, and while his hands don’t leave Steve’s skin fully, his touch becomes a lot more light.
“Stevie, baby, I need you to talk to me.” Eddie says quietly. “I’m not gonna… assume what you want, here. I need you to tell me.”
It’s a good thing that Eddie checks in like this, Steve knows, but right now, his own inability to vocalise that all he wants is Eddie and whatever he’ll give him makes it more frustrating than reassuring. He feels so keyed up, having Eddie within reach after years of pining away, and it makes it hard to think, let alone speak clearly.
He takes a slow breath, then another, allowing his eyes to fall shut for just a moment before raising himself up on his elbows and looking at Eddie again. There’s a hint of concern in Eddie’s gaze now, and it’s the last thing Steve wants to see.
“It’s… fuck , Eddie, I want you so badly, it’s making me crazy.” Steve murmurs quietly, trying his hardest to enunciate clearly, and while he stumbles over his words a little, he gets his message across: “I want you - everywhere. I want you to touch me. I… I want you to fuck me.”
Eddie makes a low sound, almost like he’s in pain, before he leans forward again. Steve shifts his legs, makes space for Eddie between them as Eddie reaches out to cradle his face, a thumb stroking over Steve’s cheek.
“Take me apart, Eddie.” Steve adds quieter as Eddie leans close, nothing more than a whisper, right before Eddie catches Steve’s lips in a kiss that can only be described as bruising. It’s all encompassing, deep and passionate right from the start, and Steve can’t do much more than let himself get lost in it all over again.
It’s like the intensity is ramped up by ten. Eddie’s hands are everywhere, but even as he wrestles both Steve and himself out of the rest of their clothes, he rarely breaks their kiss - his lips always returning to Steve’s in a matter of seconds like he cannot bear to be any further away than he absolutely has to. Steve doesn’t recall the last time he’s felt this wanted, and he’s thriving on it.
Their pyjamas get kicked off the bed, and Eddie pulls Steve close until they’re pressed together from their legs to their chests. Steve barely managed to hook a leg over Eddie’s hips before Eddie’s grinding down against him, cocks trapped between their stomachs and sliding together with every rock of Eddie’s hips. Steve gasps against Eddie’s mouth, finally getting some much needed relief on his aching hardness. His head is swimming, like he’s slowly but surely losing himself to everything that is Eddie all around him. When Steve breaks the kiss and lets his head drop to the pillows, trying to get some air back into his lungs, Eddie wastes no time before attaching his lips to Steve’s neck again.
One of Eddie’s large hands grabs at Steve’s thigh, squeezing hard before nudging Steve’s legs even further apart. Maybe, it should feel vulnerable, being spread like this below someone - but it’s Eddie , and all Steve feels is the need for more cruising through his bloodstream, and the certainty that Eddie is going to give it to him.
Another squeeze, teeth grazing Steve’s shoulder, then Eddie pulls himself back to his knees. Steve whines at the loss of contact, can’t help himself but finds that he can’t verbalise why he’s bothered either - but Eddie only tuts at him, fond and amused. Steve’s face is warm with embarrassment, and he knows that by now, the blush must be spreading all the way down to his chest. He’s so goddamn needy, it should be off-putting. He doesn’t understand why Eddie isn’t more bothered by it.
“Hush, baby. Just grabbing my stuff.” Eddie promises and winks before he turns on his side, stretches to reach his bedside table. There’s a rustle, and before Steve can complain about the distance between them again, Eddie is back in his space, dropping what Steve assumes to be lube and condoms next to them on the mattress before he’s caging Steve’s head with one arm propped right to him on the pillows.
“Miss me, darling?” Eddie teases, but instead of replying, Steve uses both hands to pull Eddie back down for a kiss. He’s rewarded with a pleased hum, and Eddie’s free hand running over his skin, stroking from his chest to his stomach, then up Steve’s thigh again.
There’s some fumbling, Steve distantly hears the sound of a bottle being uncapped, but he’s so thoroughly distracted by Eddie’s tongue in his mouth that he only mentally connects the dots when slightly cold, very slick fingers trace their way between his cheeks. He sucks in a harsh breath before he makes himself relax again, spreading his legs wider and muffling what is meant to be a “ please” but barely comes out as anything coherent into their kiss before Eddie can get the wrong idea.
The angle isn’t the best, but Steve loves the closeness of it, wouldn’t want to give it up just to hurry things along, and if Eddie’s appreciative moan when his first finger breaches Steve’s rim is anything to go by, they’re on the same page here, too.
Eddie goes slow, but it feels more like he’s savouring it than it feels like he’s trying to tease. He slides in the first finger until he’s buried to the last knuckle, then crooks his finger upward with the barest pressure as he eases out again. Sparks fire low in Steve’s abdomen as Eddie just barely grazes his prostate with the motion. Before long, their kisses peter out to Steve gasping and moaning against Eddie’s mouth as he rocks back against Eddie. One finger has become two, has become three, and without a second thought, Steve has given himself completely over to pleasure and closeness. His mind is blessedly empty of doubts and worries, his mind stuck on Eddie and Eddie alone.
There are compliments and praises whispers against Steve’s lips, against his jaw and his neck, and while at this point, Steve barely discerns the words anymore, they still leave him feeling warm and secure, fuzzy around the edges like Eddie’s the only thing still holding him together. He has surrendered himself to Eddie pretty much from the first touch of their lips, and now he’s so caught up in the haze of it that he’s sure he’d let Eddie do just about anything as long as he lets Steve stay in that blissed out mental space for a little while longer.
“You ready for me, darling?” Eddie asks and nudges his nose against Steve’s to bring his focus back, if only for a moment. At this point, Steve cannot tell of they have been going dor minutes or have been going for hours. He’s so keyed up, as if he’s already been dangling along the edge for longer than he should be able to bear, and still the prospect of more , of finally having Eddie inside him - it makes Steve shiver.
Steve nods. He doesn’t quite trust himself to speak, but it seems to be enough for Eddie this time. For a moment, Steve is afraid Eddie will make him turn over, will rob Steve of some of the intense intimacy of their position now - but his worries are unfounded. Eddie eases his fingers free, gently shushing Steve with a kiss as he whines at their loss and clenches around the emptiness it leaves him with.
Eddie doesn’t pull back, like he can tell that Steve wouldn’t be able to take that, not right now. Instead, he only shifts to the side for as long as it takes to roll a condom on, to coat himself in more lube, before settling himself right back between Steve’s thighs as if he belongs there. In Steve’s mind, he does.
“Eyes on me, baby.” Eddie instructs, and despite the soft tone, Steve feels like there’s no room for disobedience. Eddie seems to realise it too, and Steve obeys easily, he smiles bright and pleased in a way that makes Steve’s stomach swoop. “That's it, good boy.”
Eddie takes one of Steve’s hands in his, tangles their fingers and presses it into the sheets just above Steve’s head. Steve’s lips part with no sound coming out, though that quickly changes when he feels the pressure of Eddie’s cock at his entrance. Neither of them breaks eye contact as Eddie eases into him, slow and steady and unrelenting. Steve feels practically pinned by Eddie’s gaze, his cheeks burning bright at the desperate little noises that escape him. The stretch is delicious and almost painless. Any sting Steve feels is made up for entirely by Eddie’s undivided attention and the ever mounting adoration Steve feels for him.
“God, you’re fucking perfect, Stevie.” Eddie whispers as he bottoms out. Steve feels so full, so good, so entirely enclosed, and he wouldn’t trade this moment away for the world. “Taking me so well, baby. Such a good boy.”
Steve keens at the praise. He’d never thought that this would be a thing for him, not really, but it’s like every word out of Eddie’s mouth is pulling Steve deeper into the cotton candy haze he’s found himself in.
“ Please, Eddie.” Steve whispers once again, like they’re the only word his mind can still settle on, but it’s gotten him everything he needed so far and it does this time, too. Eddie pulls out as far as their position allows, before he’s rocking forward again and Steve swears he sees stars. The angle doesn’t allow Eddie to aim right for Steve’s prostate, and maybe that’s for the best because even so, the pressure against the bundle of nerves just from Eddie moving inside him is almost too much. Despite Steve’s best effort, his eyes fall shut, but instead of reprimanding him, Eddie keeps whispering sweet words into his ears as he fucks him slow and deep.
If Steve was lost before, it’s nothing compared to how he feels now. His skin is tingling wherever it’s pressed against Eddie’s, his mind swimming with sensation. The pleasure that’s been building since their first touch only keeps climbing higher, racing like electricity through Steve’s veins and settling in deep pulses in his gut. He feels Eddie’s warm breath on his face, Eddie’s fingers holding onto his securely and Eddie’s hand on his thigh that’s gripping hard enough to leave a bruise by morning.
Steve knows he’s being loud, can’t stop himself or bring himself to care about it, either. He isn’t sure if he’s had sex that’s felt quite like this before, that drove him out of his mind and somehow anchored him in his body at the same time. It’s like Eddie has found each and every one of Steve’s buttons and is pressing them all at the same time. Maybe it’s the build-up after actual years of pining, or it’s how intimately they knew each other even before falling into bed together, but it’s nothing short of perfect.
It comes to a head when Eddie’s lips against Steve’s skin are replaced by the sting of teeth again, and it’s with Eddie’s teeth on his throat that Steve loses whatever little hold he still had on himself. It’s like lightning, the way it suddenly crashes through him and Steve’s caught between arching off the bed and curling forward as he comes so hard that, for a moment, his vision whites out and the rushing in his ears blocks out all other sound. He hadn’t even meant to, hadn’t realised he was quite this close.
He only absentmindedly realises that Eddie has stopped moving, still shuddering through waves of aftershocks like an actual earthquake had wrecked his body. He feels it, Eddie still painfully hard, breathing just as out of whack as Steve’s, and when Steve opens his eyes, he sees it too. Eddie’s eyes are blown wide, lips parted and cheeks flushed like he’s just witnessed something incredible and is just barely refraining from letting loose and chasing it for himself. It’s that look alone that shoots down any embarrassment Steve might feel about coming this quickly.
As they stare at each other, it becomes clear that Eddie has to force himself to hold back. Steve doesn’t want Eddie to hold back, though.
He hasn’t quite come back down to earth, still far more sensitive than he’s used to, still shivering, as he rocks up against Eddie. It makes him gasp, the feeling entirely too much too soon, but Steve wants it - needs it - all the same. Eddie hesitates for a moment, but in the end, he doesn’t need much more encouragement than Steve writhing below him, trying to urge Eddie back into movement with legs wrapped around his waist.
When Eddie does, it’s almost immediately overwhelming. It feels as if Steve’s nerve endings are on fire, and every drag of Eddie’s cock makes Steve shake and shiver. It’s almost painful, and Steve can’t decide whether he needs it to stop or go on forever. His erection has barely gone down despite the intensity of his orgasm, and every movement sends equal flares of pleasure and pain through his body. He’s writhing and twitching on Eddie’s cock, and the sensory input drives the last remainders of coherency from Steve’s mind.
“God, you feel … fuck, Stevie … you’re incredible.” Eddie whispers. His voice is thick with either need or emotion, but Steve is too far gone to tell the difference anyway.
His whole body is as tense as a bow-string, as if even a single touch might make him snap again. Eddie must feel it too, because while every slow thrust makes Steve whine quietly, it also draws little breathy moans out of Eddie at the same time.
It doesn’t take long at all until Steve feels the telltale signs of climax approaching, a tightness low in his gut coiling evermore taut, a twitching of the muscles in his thighs, a heaviness in his breath no matter how much air he gets into his lungs. It shouldn’t even be possible for him to get this worked up again this quickly, but he’s aching and leaking all the same.
He blinks slowly only to realise that his lashes are wet, and his cheeks too. Steve doesn’t even know when he’s started tearing up, but it’s the cathartic kind of crying rather than anything borne of pain. Eddie’s lips brush along the salty streaks, kissing away any evidence of tears with a reverence that makes Steve’s heart somersault in his chest.
“I’ve got you, baby. You’re doing so, so well, Stevie.” Eddie murmurs into Steve’s neck before leaving more kisses there, too. The hand not still holding Steve’s own runs along Steve’s side, pets over his stomach before finally, deft fingers wrap around Steve’s cock.
Eddie’s touch is downright electric and Steve practically chokes on a moan as Eddie’s calloused thumb traces over his slit.
“Fuck, Stevie, I’m really close. I want you to come again, baby.” Eddie’s voice, close to Steve’s ear, has practically dropped into a purr. “Think you can do that for me, sweetheart?”
At this point, Steve isn’t sure he could hold off another climax even if he tried, and he nods desperately as Eddie begins to stroke his cock, matching the slow rhythm of his thrusts and swiping his palm over the head on every downturn. The feeling is so intense, Steve imagines he can taste the pleasure on his tongue - or maybe that’s just Eddie, kissing him again, muffling both their desperate moans between their lips.
Eddie’s rhythm falters, and maybe that’s what does it for Steve the second time, knowing how good this must feel for Eddie, too, feeling how much he’s affecting Eddie in turn. He loses himself to it, fresh tears on his lashes, back arching off the mattress as it builds and builds inside him until there is no turning back and Steve breaks like a dam bursting under the water’s pressure.
Steve thinks he’s crying out Eddie’s name as the second orgasm crashes over him. It’s almost more intense than the first, because rather than hitting him all at once it courses through him in endless waves that make his breathing stutter and his toes curl. Steve hears Eddie’s muffled curses, feels the last few snaps of Eddie’s hips before he finally stills, buried as deep inside Steve as their position will allow. Steve’s painted both their stomachs in sticky white fluid with his own release, and he swears he feels Eddie’s inside himself despite the condom - but at this point, Steve isn’t sure if that isn’t due to his senses running wild.
They’re both breathing hard, sharing air with foreheads pressed together and eyes tightly shut. Steve’s sure his hair is sticking to his forehead, he can feel a sheen of sweat all over his skin, can feel the bruising grip of Eddie’s fingers around his own. It is nothing short of perfect, and rather than turn away from it, Steve lets himself bask in the moment.
Eddie seems to have a similar idea, not moving an inch despite the fact that he’s still inside Steve, that he is covering Steve with his body, effectively pinning him to the mattress and sticking them together. Eddie only shifts to brush his nose against Steve’s, then to tilt his head and capture Steve’s lips in a slow, languid kiss.
Steve isn’t sure how long they stay like this. His head still feels a little fuzzy, like he’s drifting in and out of awareness. It might be seconds or minutes or hours that pass and Steve wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, but he doesn’t care too as long as Eddie is right there with him.
At some point, he thinks Eddie pulls out, takes a towel from god knows where to clean them both off. Steve vaguely registers Eddie dressing him back into soft pyjama pants before he’s being scooped into Eddie’s arms and held close, his face and neck and shoulders peppered in little kisses that seem to reassure rather than to ask for anything more.
Steve drifts and Eddie guides him through it with gentle hands carding through his hair and quiet affirmations whispered into his skin.
“You back with me?” Eddie asks after a while, and Steve blinks. He hadn’t fully realised while it was happening how far out of his own mind he’d gone, but now that he’s regaining control of both his thoughts and his senses, the difference feels stark.
“Yeah, ’m here.” Steve whispers back, tilting his head so it’s nestled on Eddie’s shoulder, eyes gazing up at the man holding him like he’s something precious, something to be cared for. It’s not a feeling Steve’s used to, but it’s one he finds himself revering all the same.
“That was a lot.” Eddie admits, suddenly shy. It’s a strange contrast to the confident control he exhibited not that long ago, the sure way he’d guided Steve through every touch and sensation. “I… I’m sorry.”
Steve opens his mouth only to close it again, making himself think before he speaks for a change. It doesn’t help, not because of the lingering clouds in his head, but because it simply makes no sense for Eddie to be apologising right now.
“I… what for?” Steve asks, earnestly and confused. “It was a lot.” He agrees, but doesn’t let Eddie interrupt before he adds: “I really liked it, though.” Soft, almost embarrassed.
There’s a small frown between Eddie’s brows, and he’s looking at Steve like he’s still expecting to be reprimanded or pushed off at any moment. Steve isn’t sure if it’s concern, guilt or shame that colours Eddie’s features, but it’s not an expression he wants to see on Eddie’s face either way. He reaches out, smoothes a hand over Eddie’s frown lines before he stretches up to press a chaste kiss to the corner of Eddie’s mouth. Maybe, Steve isn’t the only one to need a little reassuring after.
“Should’ve talked more before… all that.” Eddie says quietly and lowers his gaze, like he can’t bear to see Steve’s reaction - as if Steve has anything but affection and, maybe, gentle concern for the other man right now.
“Maybe.” Steve concedes, because he’s not sure he knows enough about what exactly is bothering Eddie to convince him otherwise. “Wouldn’t have changed the outcome, though, I don’t think.”
When Eddie doesn’t react, Steve finds his hand and covers with his own, giving a careful squeeze before tangling their fingers. Despite Eddie’s apparent second thoughts, he hasn’t scooted away, hasn’t let go of Steve or tried to bring any form of space between them. That has to count for something, even if Steve doesn’t quite grasp what’s going on in Eddie’s head right now.
“You didn’t do anything I didn’t thoroughly enjoy. And ask for.” Steve tells him, even though admitting it makes his cheeks burn. “Nothing I wouldn’t enjoy doing again, either. But… we can talk about that more next time, yeah? Before… if you… want this.”
Eddie looks up at that, and he looks so small and hopeful for a moment that Steve can’t resist raising their joint hands and pressing a kiss to Eddie’s knuckles. It was easy to forget with how well they fit together that this is their first time falling into bed together, that despite how sure Steve is of his own feelings, he can’t just assume Eddie is, too.
“Because I do. Want this, I mean.” Steve adds once Eddie’s actually holding his gaze again. Normally, the talking part isn’t Steve’s strong suit. It’s the one that scares him most, that brings the highest chance of outright rejection, of finding out that they weren’t on the same page after all, that Steve wanted more than he’d ever be given.
This time, he isn’t scared though. He already half-confessed his feelings, and Eddie had pulled him in rather than push him away as a result. It’s what prompts him to take that leap of faith again.
“I want you, Eddie. Not just for sex, as great as it was. I want all of it.”
The words seem to break whatever spell had fallen over Eddie, and a little smile finds its way onto Eddie’s face. Steve finds himself mirroring it before he can help himself.
“Yeah?” Eddie asks, and when Steve nods, the smile turns into a bright grin. “Me too, Stevie. I’m… I’m so gone for you, it’s not even funny.”
Steve’s heart swells, but rather than aching with longing, it’s a deep, warm affection that settles deep in his chest. He presses a soft kiss to Eddie’s lips and is met with a quiet, deeply pleased hum.
“You like me?” He asks against Eddie’s lips, meaning to tease. He doesn’t expect Eddie to reply with: “I love you.” instead.
Steve’s throat clicks as he swallows, thick with emotion. He pulls away just enough to catch Eddie’s gaze, open and earnest and so full of affection that Steve barely understands what he’s done to deserve to have all this directed at him. There is not even a kernel doubt in Eddie’s eyes.
“I love you too.” Steve whispers, the threat of his voice breaking preventing him from speaking up, but it’s enough.
Eddie pulls him close again, and Steve is more than happy to settle into Eddie’s warmth once more.
They’ll talk more in the morning, Steve is sure of it, but for now, he’s content to hold and be held. It feels like the start of something: something real, something good. For the first time in a long time, Steve finds himself hopeful for what love might have in store for him.