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Okumura Yukio is not a good person. He knows this.
He was smart, He was collected, but he wasn't defined in any good way.
Envy too, was a trait of a demon, and he knew deep down he was one just like his brother. Okumura Rin.
The sunshine of everyone's life, and if Rin was the sun then Yukio was a whole lot smarter than Icarus. Icarus who flew too close to the sun and drowned, Yukio who will fly away and keep a (toxic) safe distance and escape.
Escape himself and the island of his growing jealousy.
Deep down he could admit it. Because why was Rin able to smile like that? Like Father Fujimoto, their father, wasn't slaughtered by Satan. Why was he so much stronger now, he was the filth the exorcist try to get rid of.
So why was Yukio so much weaker. So much worse.
He was always the more mature one wasn't he? He had Satan's eyes. He wasn't a demon, he wasn't Rin. He wasn't strong enough.
He was rational, He was Human. Nothing else.
Yukio would much rather die than admit that.
He wasn't going to boost his ego, he wasn't going to admit his pathetic defeat, he wasn't going to think of it.
Nothing would ever change the fact that Rin was simply naïve. And Yukio was just protecting him, like he would always do. A part of him also wondered what it would be like if he didn't have such a brain. Not like Rin has one though..
It's weird that when Yukio looks in he mirror he sees a woman. She has beautiful flowing chestnut hair, and a nice beauty mark. Just like his, all the ones littered on him like scathes, she felt familiar, but the familiarity might be just been in place.
When he saw her, his eye glows a sharp blue and he sees the woman who died for them. He sees a dead face laying on the similar porcelain of his own skin and a howling feeling of regret and guilt and isn't sure if it's his own feeling or the very reason his eye was a monstrosity.
The stupid glow. It was all experimental when he held the gun to his head, when he fell off the edge of a building with the dry and sharp wind blowing in his
ears and making his eyes tear. It was all a failure anyway, he's still alive and he's fine.
A few voices grow louder everything he felt the burning in his perception and the sound of his own breathe indicating his beating, tainted heart, by Satan himself. It's Rin, Father, Satan, sometimes even Shiemi, but it doesn't really matter what he's recounting. It just means he's grown stronger
He has to be stronger, stronger than Rin
In his head and heart he sees it.
The way Rin is the sun despite being poked at by the underworld, how Rin is Icarus and flying despite warning, always reckless and always pushing through, While Rin is the sea,
the sea Yukio will inevitably drown in.
The drought will never come for his jealousy, his sloth, all his disgusting feelings is too much, he wants Rin to never come back, to have a reason to shoot him down, to be stronger than him for once and keep him away from the horror of this demon forsaken world, he quietly thinks he'd be a better fit for Gehenna than Rin.
Yukio will never be a good person, and he will let it fill his lungs until inevitably, the blue he sees will leave him after he wares, and he will close his eyes while his brother walks above the waters.
Okumura Yukio is not a good person, he's known this for a while.
And there's no turning back
.