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so gut wie der Tod

Summary:

"Can I have a request, Yosano-kun?”

“Never in any circumstance that you use your ability on me. No matter how dire the situation, don’t do it.”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Spatter of rain falling to the earth wetting the soil and plants. The wind carries its particle that seeping into Fukuzawa’s skin make the presence of the scars on his body feel more real. His thin yukata doesn’t graze him a protection from the light breeze. The air feels damp, smell of fresh grass and flower tickle his nose. The rain isn’t as harsh that Fukuzawa doesn’t need to move his spot in veranda. A warm cup of tea sits beside him as his companion.

Fukuzawa has so many scars scattered on his body. They are neither ugly nor pretty, they are just a part of him. They’re not a trophy of his battle, they’re the result of wound that is too fucked up that his skin can’t go back to what they used to. Some of his scars are from his childhood that only visible if you look at it closely, but most of them are from his enemies; they look very visible on the naked eyes. There are few of his scars that throbbing when the cold greets him. It doesn’t hinder him, but they remind him that they are exist.

Someone emerges from the house, their little feet hesitant to take more step from the wooden sliding door.

“Yosano-kun, would you mind taking a seat beside me?” Fukuzawa doesn’t stray from where he’s looking at. He still looks at his tiny garden with a deep thought. It is a small garden with the flowers on the pot arranged in wooden ladder shelves. He put it near the fence. The garden can be seen from his front yard as it’s located on the left side of his yard.

“Fukuzawa-san.” Yosano takes a seat beside Fukuzawa. She bends her knees, protecting her bare legs inside her skirt from the moist air.

Finally, Fukuzawa looking at her tiny figure. She puts her head on her knees gazing at his garden.

“How is Ranpo-kun’s condition?” Fukuzawa asks.

Yosano didn’t use her ability in the agency at first. After all, it’s not why Fukuzawa and Ranpo want her to be the part of the agency. But after a year, when she goes out of her shell, become a new person (or return into her former self, Fukuzawa is not sure), she wants to use her ability again. In the agency, her ability is not to prolong a suffering, but to heal people.

“He’s okay but falls asleep because he’s tired.” Yosano replies. Her body shuddering from the cold.

“I see. How are you so far?”

“I’m fine, Fukuzawa-san. Thank you. I realize my ability can help people and I’m so happy.” Yosano smiles at him, her eyes closed in u shape.

“I’m glad you feel that way. Can I have a request, Yosano-kun?” Fukuzawa asks carefully. He has never had a moment where he needs Yosano’s ability. His injury often isn’t severe and can be healed through a traditional method. There is a reason why he never let her heal him. She’s been confident in herself and her ability lately, so it is the right time to tell her what Fukuzawa wants to tell her ever since she decided to use her ability.

“Never in any circumstance that you use your ability on me. No matter how dire the situation, don’t do it.”

“Why?” Yosano asks.

“Why do you use your ability?”

“To save people.”

“So, when I want you to not use your ability on me, what does it mean?”

“Because you don’t want to be saved?” Yosano unsure with her own answer.

“My apologize. I should ask you a better question. Why do you think Ranpo wanted you to be the part of the agency?”

“He said because he likes my heart, but sometimes I doubt myself. But whenever I find myself in that situation, I will remind myself that I’m here because the agency needs my kindness. I’m more than my ability.” Yosano answers, still doesn’t understand what Fukuzawa mean.

“Do you understand now, Yosano-kun?” Fukuzawa asks her once again. She looks like she’s in a deep thought, thinking about Fukuzawa’s request. He smiles when he sees her widening her eyes and looking at him with a mix of horror and surprise.

“But Fukuzawa-sa-“

“That is my only request.” Fukuzawa cuts her off before she can voice her protest.

She opens and closes her mouth, her voice stuck in her throat. “I understand.” Yosano looks down, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“Can you fetch me the rest of the tea in the kitchen? Also, the manjuu. We can enjoy them here together.” Fukuzawa asks the silence Yosano.

She gives him a nod before going inside silently. While waiting for Yosano, Fukuzawa takes a sip of his tea; it isn’t as hot as before. Regardless, he still welcomes the lukewarm of the liquid. The tea isn’t mean to warm him or sooth the pain from his scars, it is that a warm tea just tastes better in a cold weather. He can drink a hot tea under the hot weather tea because he simply likes drinking tea.

When Yosano comes back longer than how it should be, Fukuzawa doesn’t make a comment of it. Instead, he pours her cup and his cup a new hot tea from the teapot. Then they eat the sweat treat together while looking at the flowers in the garden. The silence around them isn’t uncomfortable one but filled with uncertainty where they lost on their own thought.

***

Years has passed since the day Fukuzawa made that request to Yosano. His skin scattered with more scars, but not at the same rate when he was still a government assassin. All these years, there has never been a close call for him. All his injuries were treatable with Yosano’s medical care.

A gunshot wound is one of a fatal injury that can be deadly if not treated immediately. Fukuzawa rarely got that kind injury due to his fighting style. He can slash the bullet with his sword or simply avoid the running bullet as he can see its movement. A sniper attack is also useless against him because he can sense when someone looks at him even from afar. He also has a good reflect so even if he senses the bullet late, he can dodge it.

One thing that slipped from Fukuzawa’s mind is that he might be able to avoid a bullet from entering his body, but a scratch from the bullet grazes his skin sometimes is unavoidable. It would not a big deal if the bullet isn’t poisoned. In fact, Fukuzawa would have never thought someone would coat a bullet with poison if he’s currently not laying down on the dirty alley, struggling to keep awake from a bullet scratch.

Fukuzawa blinks once weakly, his sight is blurry, all he can see is the dark alley way. He blinks again, the scene is still dark, but he’s not in the dark alley anymore. He’s laying down on a soft bed staring at the corner of the wall. The cold from the alley way is no more, he can feel everything is warm and his skin is slightly damp from his sweat. His body is covered in a fluffy blanket.

A hand sneaking on his arm, soft hair touching his naked shoulder. Fukuzawa looks back and greeted at the sight of Mori who looks at him with wonder. He looks softer, unlike the usual fake cheerful or cunning persona of his. His hair is untied, letting the raven curtain frame his heart-shaped face. His shoulders naked, Fukuzawa assumes the rest of his body that covered with blanket is naked too. They share the same blanket.

“What are you thinking about, Fukuzawa-dono? You’ve been staring at the wall for five minutes.” Mori asks curiously.

“Nothing. I just have a weird vision.” Fukuzawa answers.

Mori cups Fukuzawa’s cheek, closing the gap between them. His lips still as soft as how he remembers them. They’re small but fit perfectly with his own like they’re a part of puzzle. Fukuzawa kisses his lips like wants to devour him, to merge their soul together in the greed of love. His love of Mori is selfish, he doesn’t want to let him go, cling desperately at the drop of his attention. Fukuzawa would take and devour anything that Mori is willingly to give him.

“You’re mine, always mine, Fukuzawaa-dono.” Mori whispers on his neck, his breath kiss his skin making his body shudder.

Mori is in the weird mood that Fukuzawa does not understand. When he is like that, he will not throw his usual playful words that borderline taunting and manipulative. He is unusually somber and quiet, only saying thing that sound like it’s coming from his honest heart.

One thing Fukuzawa understands is that something might happen that he couldn’t be careless to keep up with his charade. Asking Mori what he’s going through will not give him any answer. It’s unfair considering that Mori seems to know all his problems, even offer a solution. All Fukuzawa can do is just getting along with what Mori wants at time like this.

Mori is a pretty dominant man who makes a lot of bold moves in his battle, but he knows when to wait under the shadow. When it’s what he personally wants, at least what he wants from Fukuzawa, he like to wait until he takes Mori’s bait. Fukuzawa is fully aware of what Mori is trying to do with him. Every taunt, every manipulative words, with a subtle body movement, they are calculated to attract his attention.

Fukuzawa is never blind of Mori’s attraction to him. He just didn’t know whether it’s in a good faith or not at first. But the more time they spend together, the more it’s obvious for Fukuzawa that they want the same thing.

Whether Mori or Fukuzawa, neither of them want to let go whatever they currently have. Mori is never the one to initiate things, he only sits down prettily waiting for Fukuzawa to make the first move. Their first kiss, their fist time together, Fukuzawa is the one that made the first move.

Yet once in a while, Mori will be in this kind of mood where he makes the first move; kissing Fukuzawa in dominant, touching his body aggressively. Fukuzawa’s neck is the most favorite place for Mori to ravage. He loves biting, licking, kissing his neck until it raw, full of Mori’s love bite.

Mori has a great control of his motor movement and coordination. He can do everything at once and Fukuzawa doesn’t let out any protest. He’s only laying down, moaning and grunting under Mori while he’s fingering himself and attacking Fukuzawa’s neck at the same time.

When Mori is riding Fukuzawa, it looks like he’s the one fucking Fukuzawa. Mori moves his body with a great strength, he moves up and down with a calculated pace that makes Fukuzawa almost lost his mind. And it would be a lie if he never blacking out when Mori tightening his wall at the same time his dick pushing inside him. All of that while he is either attacking his neck or playing with his nipples. His hands used as his support to move his body.

As they nearly reach their orgasm, Fukuzawa puts his hands on Mori’s hips and nail him on his dick with a deep thrust. He floods Mori’s inside with his seeds while Mori’s cum splatting on their stomach. Mori bites his neck hard, waiting for Fukuzawa stops pouring his semen.

This one bite harder than before, will not stop biting hard until he bleeds, on his scar. A scar made from Mori’s previous bites. It shocks him that it feels like his heart stop beating, the pain nearly makes him violence, lashing out. His instinct scream at him to fight the source of the trigger. Yet he endures the pain for that the bleed will heal, the scar and the shadow of pain will linger around. Everytime the scar contracted; it is a reminder the moment he shares with Mori. It can be painful at a time but most of the time he only aware that he has the scar.

Fukuzawa will be fine. Shutting his eyes, he grits his teeth and clenches his fists until his nails dig into his palm. When the bites finally bleed, Fukuzawa’s body jolt.

He opens his eyes immediately, but the light blinding him, everything is too bright. His skin still wet from his sweat, but he wears a light yukata. A screech of moving chair, Ranpo appears in his peripheral vision with a worry plastered on his face. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Yosano in the room too.

The familiar throb on the side of his neck still there, Fukuzawa touches his own neck to make sure. He’s still touching his neck while he’s hauled to the safety, while Ranpo gives him a brief summary of what’s happening.

Is this what people called fate?

No matter what they are doing, they always end up fighting each other. With more stake, with more responsibility, with more people getting involved with, their fight always seems like unavoidable. It’s more than two old friends with a long history, it’s also about them as leader of their respective organizations. Of not only to their organization, but also their responsibility to the Yokohama city. Yet at the same time, it is best that they settle the conflict personally without making their organizations shed more blood.

Fukuzawa has been ready to end it all today; with one of them die. Their fate tied in a cruel way. If they are doomed from the start, why the universe planted the seeds of desire inside them? With every good evening they spend together, the more it grows and suffocate them, giving them a painful reminder. It would never stop living even if they die. Even when the world will forget about them, the wind will always remember their tale, the soil will be the place where their feeling buried together. And the birds will sing in the mornings as if they never know a sorrow.

But once again, like the other “fated battle”, it ends with none of them lost their life. Fate is pretty cruel, the universe laughing at their misery. It keeps sending them a prevention, not letting them to end it all. This time Natsume intervenes with their fight, informing that the ability user has been found. The punch that Fukuzawa and Mori throw at that Russian ability user can’t solve their problem, but it makes him feel better at least.

Fukuzawa steals a glance at Mori before they part away with their respective group. They will be okay, for now. The next “fated battle” will be the last one, hopefully.

Fukuzawa walks closer to Yosano to say one thing. ”Thank you, Yosano-kun.”

Thank you for keeping him alive without using her ability.

For that as long as Fukuzawa has that scar, Fukuzawa will never die.

Notes:

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