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It had already been two and a half hours since Buck got the call and one hour and 47 minutes since he arrived at the hospital. Comparatively speaking, he wasn’t close to breaking any of his own records for time spent in a waiting room. It seemed like somebody in the 118 was inside these walls more often than not at times. This time was different though because it was Bobby.
Athena was gone when they got there, and no one was quite sure what that meant other than the fact that she was well enough to sneak herself out. Small mercies, he supposed.
Bobby, though. No one prepares you for what it’s like to see a loved one on a ventilator. The lifelessness of their body apart from the jarring rise and fall of their chest as air is forced into their lungs by a machine. It didn’t look like a living person. Buck wasn’t unfamiliar with the sight of a ventilated patient in his line of work, but seeing Bobby like that through the window still stopped him in his tracks. It was something he knew he would be seeing in his nightmares.
He’d been sitting outside with the others mostly since then. Whether that’s because he wanted to let other people have a turn visiting Bobby or whether he was avoiding the panicky feeling that sight caused in him was up for debate.
“I’m gonna go sit with him,” Eddie said after a while, breaking Buck’s inward spiral. He asked, “You wanna come with?”
Buck managed to shoot a grateful smile up at him. Maybe he could manage it with his best friend at his side. He said, “Yeah, let’s go.”
Buck wasn’t really sure if he could have gone in there alone. He might have stayed frozen to his chair and staring at the door all night if left to his own devices. He stood up and followed Eddie though as he opened the door to the room and stepped inside.
The sound of the breathing tube and the beeping of the machines was pervasive, but he did his best to block it out as he slipped into the seat beside Eddie up against the wall.
“You know, he gave me this a few days ago,” Eddie said as he tugged a small book out of his pocket.
Buck looked over at it and grinned. He asked, “A prayer book?”
“Yeah,” Eddie said with an amused sort of scoff. “I told him I wasn’t much one for praying these days, but he said even a lapsed Catholic is still a Catholic.”
Buck nodded and glanced over at Bobby again. He said, “I always admired how he managed to hang onto his faith, seeing the things we see everyday. And after what he’s been through…”
“It seems to help him,” Eddie said. He looked down at the prayer book and continued, “The whole religion thing really isn’t for me, but it felt like it meant something that he wanted me to have this.”
“Yeah,” Buck agreed, “even if it’s not religion, I guess we all have to believe in something or we’d have gone crazy by now.”
Eddie laughed a little and said, “Amen to that.”
Buck sat back in his chair and listened as Eddie read quietly from an earmarked page. Chances were that Bobby wouldn’t be able to hear everything they were saying, but he hoped some of it reached him wherever he was and brought him a little comfort. Or a lifeline to follow back to them.
After Eddie had fallen silent, Buck reached inside his pocket to pull out his phone. He wasn’t surprised to see he had no new messages. Tommy was likely still finishing up his shift at Harbor. Their last text exchange was Buck sending him the name of the hospital they were at, followed by the single red heart emoji Tommy sent in reply. He knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but a part of him still wanted to whine like a little kid in his absence.
There wasn’t anything Tommy could do to change the situation for him, but Buck ached to see his warm smile and to feel the comfort of his strong arms. The way he’d hold the back of Buck’s neck and kiss the side of his head. They hadn’t been together for very long, but there was already a familiarity there that Buck craved.
“That Tommy?” Eddie asked.
Buck realized he’d been staring at that little red heart for several minutes and looked up, locking his phone screen.
“Nah,” he said, “Tommy’s still at work.”
Eddie nodded and reached over to clasp his shoulder. He said, “He’ll be here when he can.”
“Yeah, I know,” Buck replied, “but I kinda wish he could be here right now.”
Eddie glanced over the back of his chair, taking stock of the waiting room behind him, and turned back to Buck with a little grin. He said, “Well, looks like you might get that wish.”
He gestured to the window with his head, and Buck turned around to see Tommy chatting with Chimney, two coffees in his hand. He’d probably never seen a more beautiful sight in his life. Tommy hadn’t noticed him yet, engrossed in his conversation, so Buck let the smile on his face grow as he watched him for a second. Nothing had changed in regards to Bobby’s condition, but he still felt a weight lift off his shoulders knowing Tommy had shown up.
“Go on and see your man,” Eddie said. “I’m gonna stay in here with Cap a little bit longer.”
Buck looked back at him with a grateful nod before jumping from his seat with a little extra pep in his step. Tommy noticed when the door opened, and his eyes met Buck’s with such a tenderness that Buck could have melted from it on the spot.
He opened his mouth to say something in greeting, but Buck was flying into his arms before he could get out a single syllable. Tommy huffed a little at the full force of Buck’s weight slamming into him, and he just barely managed to not spill either of the coffees in his hands. He must have handed them off to Chimney though because it was only a matter of seconds before strong arms were holding Buck even closer.
He exhaled into the crook of Tommy’s neck as one hand wrapped around his lower back, the other one coming to rest on the nape of his neck. He pressed a kiss to Tommy’s collarbone.
“Hi, baby,” Tommy’s voice came out low and quiet, only for Buck to hear.
“Hi,” Buck replied against his skin.
Tommy didn’t really let go of his waist as he steered them over to a couple of open chairs, but he took the coffees back from Chimney before sitting down, handing one of them to Buck.
“Chimney said he’s mostly stable,” Tommy said.
Buck took a sip of the hot liquid, letting it warm him up from the inside as it went down. It was a refreshing change from the numbness that had settled into his bones ever since he got the call.
“Yeah, he’s in a medically induced coma, which makes sense because he needs time to heal,” Buck explained, “but Tommy, he wasn’t breathing for 14 minutes.”
Tommy reached over and took his hand, squeezing a little as he threaded their fingers together.
“That’s a long time,” Tommy commented. “Are they worried about brain damage?”
“I’m sure,” Buck said. He stared over at Hen as she chatted with Chimney a few feet away. He said, “I was dead for 3 minutes, when I got struck by lightning. Everyone said I was lucky not to have any cognitive effects from my brain going that long without getting any oxygen.”
“You never told me that,” Tommy replied.
Buck shrugged. He said, “It’s not the kind of thing that comes up on the first date. Besides, my last girlfriend was a death doula, and she was a little obsessed with the fact I'd died. So maybe I was just making sure you weren’t gonna be some kind of freak about it.”
He grinned over at Tommy and was delighted to see the genuine surprise on his face.
Tommy said, “I swear, you have had a more interesting life than anyone I’ve ever met.”
Buck laughed a little at that. He said, “And you don’t know the half of it yet.”
Tommy laughed a little and shook his head as he took another sip of his coffee. A comfortable silence fell over them for a moment, and Buck exhaled as he sat back into his seat. His shoulder and thigh were still pressed against Tommy’s, about as close as they could get in hospital waiting room chairs. He probably would have crawled right into his boyfriend’s lap if it weren’t for all the people around them, but just having him close was still helping.
Tommy asked, “So the plan is basically to wait for him to wake up on his own?”
Buck said, “Yeah, I guess, but no one will really tell us anything about what that might mean.”
Tommy hummed. He replied, “That probably means they don’t really know either.”
“I know,” Buck said, feeling himself getting worked up again by that same anxiety clawing at his chest, “but just waiting around sucks. I mean, they don’t know when he’s gonna wake up, or if he even will at all. And if he doesn’t wake up, then I don’t know what I’m gonna…”
Buck trailed off, not able to finish the thought. Bobby had to wake up. There was no other option.
“Hey,” Tommy said. He reached over with his free hand to gently place it under Buck’s chin and turn his head. Buck met his worried expression with a sigh. Tommy went on, “He’s going to wake up, and when he does, we will deal with whatever happens at that point. Okay?”
Buck couldn’t help but appreciate that Tommy wasn’t trying to tell him everything would work out perfectly. They knew better than anyone with the things they saw that nothing was promised. So, he took a steadying breath and replied, “You’re right. One step at a time.”
“Exactly,” Tommy agreed, a little smile tugging at his lips. “One step at a time. And Evan? You’re not taking any of those steps alone.”
The hand under his chin had come to rest gently around the side of his face, and he nuzzled into it as he leaned forward to press his lips to Tommy’s. It was just a sweet little peck, but he lingered there for a moment as Tommy’s lips caressed his own. Tommy often came off as a stoic sort of guy, and people sometimes read him as standoffish or rude because they just didn’t know him, but he was always so earnest and gentle with Buck that it made him ache a little inside. Only Buck really got to see the goofy, sweet side of Tommy, and he kind of liked it that way. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve that sort of softness, but he wanted to keep doing it for the rest of his life. He brought his hand up to brush his thumb over Tommy’s lower lip as he pulled away.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
Tommy pressed another quick kiss to his mouth before pulling away with a smile.
“You never have to thank me for that,” he said.
Buck nodded, letting that certainty sink into his bones. Pretty much his whole life had led him to believe that no one would ever really stick around when things got tough, but he was starting to think that maybe Tommy would. That little bit of hope was still too fresh to set into stone with things like ‘I love yous’ or wedding rings, but some part of Buck already knew those things were only a matter of time. So, he let his head fall down to rest against Tommy’s shoulder and settled in to wait.