Chapter Text
I need to speak with you, Fool.
John ignored the voice as he slowly stood and brushed himself off. Blood, both human red and Batterwitch fuchsia, lightly dotted his increasingly worn out godtier pajamas. Nothing felt sprained or broken, and he was able to move with no issues, but John knew that was more due to the powers granted to him by the game than any pulled punches by his opponent. God, that troll lady hit hard. He cast a glance at Rose and Kanaya, seeing them help each other up. They seemed fine enough, but that left…
I require assistance.
Roxy. The very pretty pink girl who had absolutely done most of the work in defeating the Condesce. Carefully, long, lanky legs stepped around the body of the dead empress, half expecting her to pop back up and bite his ankle, infecting him with a zombie virus or something. That's what would happen in a horror movie, and whatever story this was felt related enough.
"Hi, John," The Rogue was staring a hole in the back of the fallen fuchsia's head. Maybe she was thinking the same thing? No, that would be stupid. But still… blue eyes followed her line of sight and landed on the golden trident clutched in the woman's hand.
Are you being obtuse on purpose?
John bent down to pick it up. For having such a long staff, it was surprisingly light. A well-crafted and ridiculously ornate weapon for the bitch who had helped some random douchebag in a sparkly coat ruin both Earth and the troll planet. He wasn't thinking about the next words that fell out of his mouth as he offered the trident to Roxy, but as soon as he heard them, he kind of wished that thought had been a bit more involved in the communication process.
"Think we should double tap?"
Roxy's eyebrows shot up into her bangs as she quickly looked away from the dead troll, her mouth curling into a teasing grin that immediately made him want to die where he stood. "We should tap what now?"
It would be Just if he were killed now, right? After a comment like that it would be deserved?
"Uh--" Wonderful start, John. Just perfect. "I-in horror movies. You double tap the monster by shooting its head off or something. Just to make sure it's dead." His cheeks were burning hot, and Roxy's eyes crinkled as she let out a small giggle. It wasn't mocking, but it may as well have been for all it was doing to John's heart rate.
"Wow, you really are kind of a blue Jake, huh?"
John blinked. Jake? The dude he saved in the Voidbubbles earlier? The guy running around in bright yellow Daisy Dukes?
Messiahs, stop forcing me into enduring your flirting attempts, Fool. This is painful.
"... Maybe?" He liked to think he was his own person, but whatever. "Does he like monster movies or something? Or do you just think I'd also look good in a speedo."
Oh my god.
Roxy let out a bark of a laugh, causing Rose and Kanaya to look over from where they had been talking quietly. John knew he had to be bright red by now, but it didn't stop the girl in front of him from wiggling her eyebrows at him as she took the offered trident.
"Tell you what, blue-Jake," In one smooth motion, she slammed the trident down, just under the Condesce's neck. Almost absentmindedly, she bent down to grab the newly decapitated head and, for reasons the breath player couldn't even begin to fathom, handed it to him. John tried not to wince as he felt blood drip on his shoes.
Roxy paused, her eyes widening as realized what exactly she had just done. "Mmmm-welp. Been around Dirk too long. That was meant to be a lot more cool and a lot less gross. You can, um, you can put the head down if you want."
She looked horrified, and, weirdly, John felt his shoulders relax. At least the feeling was mutual this way?
"N-no, it's fine. I'll uh. I'll keep it… as a momento." Roxy's eyebrows rose impossibly higher. 'In case we… need it for something dumb later. Maybe." Just to get the seatroll's head out of his hands, he quickly captchalogued it, only briefly noting that the captchalogue card had marked it BATTERWITCH BEHEADMENT. Mostly, he was just hoping the mutual shame of their conversation could be whisked away right alongside it. "You-you were saying? Before you used the trident?"
"Oh! Um, yeah," Roxy's giggle was a lot more nervous now and she looked away, clearly trying to forget everything that had just happened. She rocked back and forth on her heels as John waited patiently beside her, desperately attempting to ignore both the stares of Rose and Kanaya and the voice that was definitely not invading his head and criticizing the most embarrassing moment of his life.
"T-tell you what, blue-Jake," Roxy started again before pausing for another second and sighing. John had a sinking feeling she had just given up. "I think your monster movie idea was a good one. And… some of the other ideas, too." Her flirty smile was back, and he felt his eyes widen as he realized which idea she was talking about.
Maybe they could test that one idea out later?
John. That is far too forward and I refuse to let you make me endure further.
Fucking, Jesus. Fine. "Maybe we can… think of more ideas together later?"
I actually think that one is worse.
He was going to kill whoever this voice belonged to.
Roxy grinned though, eyes sparkling as she agreed before nodding towards the other two. She seemed relieved to be able to move on from whatever the hell their conversation had been so far. Slowly, both of them avoiding the pointed looks from their co-dethrowners, they made their way back into a glorified group huddle. All the better so that John could zap them back to their meet-up point now that one of the big bads was dead.
As the familiar static feel of ozone washed over the group, John frowned. His powers were working fine, their meeting point in both place and time was coming up, but the rest of the group was pulling away from him.
He looked down quickly, seeing the hook end of a giant candy cane looking thing wrapped carefully around his torso.
He was being pulled offstage.