Work Text:
“MAGENTA, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!”
The cry came so loudly through the castle, Brad was almost sure he heard a window shatter. He sat up, dazed. He hadn’t slept well the night before… truth be told, he hadn’t slept at all. Nobody in the castle really slept, because they all knew the entire building would turn into no man’s land the next day- and they needed to be prepared.
You see, today was no ordinary day.
It was April 1st.
Known to most as April Fool’s day.
The person yelling was Frank- presumably the first victim of a cruel, merciless war. And from the sound of it, Magenta wasn’t going to wake up tomorrow if Brad didn’t step in. So, against his better judgement, he dragged his weary body out of the safehaven of Frank’s room (where he’d found himself staying for the night) and out into the raging turmoil that was their hallway. He had to freeze when he saw the sight before him. Magenta was on the floor, likely because Frank shoved her. Frank was standing above her. And after seeing his hair, Brad didn’t blame him one bit.
“Frank! Your hair! It- It’s-”
“Green.” Frank sighed wearily. “Yes, Brad, I’m very aware.”
Brad winced. Frank’s hair was messy, clearly cut (which must have been done during the small amount of sleep the transylvanian prince managed to get) and the ugliest shade of box dyed green Brad had ever had the displeasure of even looking at. How Magenta found the courage to do it, Brad wasn’t quite sure. But she’d clearly stepped on a mine, because Frank was pissed. And when Frank was pissed, everyone walked away with some bruises.
“Brad, be a dear and go get the wooden spoon from the kitchen for me.” Frank hissed through clenched teeth.
“Woah, woah, Frank, let’s-” Brad stepped in between Frank and Magenta, trying not to look at Frank’s hair, lest he start laughing and face Frank’s wrath too. “Let’s think about this. It’s just a prank… I’m sure we can fix it.”
“I can fix this alright. I can fix it with a knife.”
“Frank! No.” Brad pleaded. “Come on… let’s go downstairs. You can try to wash the hair dye out.”
“Oh, fine…” Frank rolled his eyes, strolling away. Somehow, despite his situation, his confidence was well intact.
“Thank you…” Magenta said shakily, standing up. She looked terrified for her life- and for a good reason. Frank would have killed her right then and there, if he didn’t need someone to clean the hair dye stains out of their shower when this was all over.
“Don’t mention it.” Brad smiled. He paused, noticing his vision was a bit blurry, and attempted to clean his glasses. He put them back on and stepped forward, nearly falling down the stairs- his glasses hadn’t been cleaned, and his depth perception was about as good as a blind mole’s.
“Everything okay?” Magenta asked, helping him up.
“Yeah, it’s my glasses… what the hell…” Brad attempted to clean them once more, to no avail. “Do these look dirty to you?”
“Nope…”
“April fools!” Columbia laughed, walking in from the other room.
Wait, what?” Brad looked up, confused, still holding his glasses. He couldn’t see anything without them, but he knew Columbia’s voice well enough by now. “Columbia, what’d you do?”
Columbia giggled, taking something Brad couldn’t quite make out from her pocket. “I switched out your glasses for weaker ones- april fools!”
Brad snatched his real glasses from her, scoffing. “That’s not funny! I almost got hurt!” He complained as he put them on.
“But you didn’t- that’s what matters.” Columbia smiled warmly. “I’m sorry if you did.”
“FRANK N FURTER, YOU GET DOWN HERE NOW!” Everyone heard Janet’s distant shriek. Brad froze.
“...Oh, no…” He muttered. “Come on, we’re going to find Janet.”
“Shit, do you think she got the Frank treatment?” Columbia asked Magenta quietly.
Brad turned around faster than he ever thought possible. “The fucking WHAT?!”
“Frank does this thing… His favorite April fools prank is giving people tattoos.” Columbia explained.
“Technically, he makes Riff Raff do it.” Magenta rolled her eyes.
“You don’t think-”
“Someone like Janet? I’m surprised he waited for April 1st.” Columbia sighed.
“FRANK!” Janet cried again.
“Let’s go.” Brad urged, running down the stairs. And sure enough, Janet was there… and she had a tattoo of Rocky’s name on her right shoulder. Brad gasped.
“FRANK N FURTER!”
Frank, who’d yet to actually get in the shower because he was too busy doing his ridiculous before-shower skincare routine (yes, he’s one of those people) stepped out with a smirk. “Whatever’s the matter?”
“LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO JANET!” Brad yelled.
“Well, you can hardly blame me, since she just seems to like him so much.” Frank spat bitterly. He was definitely still upset about the night they’d met.
“Frank, that’s not a prank! It’s permanent!” Janet cried. Tears were running down her cheeks. Brad was used to seeing her cry by now- for lack of a better word, she was quite the drama queen. She’d even learned to faint on cue, so she could always get her way if need be. But he did feel bad for her this time.
“Relax, relax… it’s a temporary tattoo. I used the ink from a ballpoint pen. But if you make that annoying noise one more time I'll make it permeant."
“Frank, that’s how humans get ink poisoning.” Columbia argued.
“Well, her fault for being a whore.” Frank shrugged.
“Look at yourself…” Magenta mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, master.”
“Good.” Frank hummed. “Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a shower.” He scoffed, strutting off.
“Yeah… come on, Janet, let’s go get some breakfast.” Brad offered.
“I wouldn’t.” Magenta warned. “There’s probably toothpaste in the cream cheese, ketchup in the jam, fondant in the butter, and whiskey in the maple syrup.”
“Give me the maple syrup.” Columbia sighed. “I need it.”
“Oh, come on! Is there a single place in this damn castle that’s safe?!” Brad yelled.
Magenta shrugged. “Nope. This is a national holiday on our planet, what do you expect? We take it seriously.”
“Let’s just hope the rest of this morning goes-”
“MAGENTA!!” Came Riffraff’s yell from down the hall.
“...Oops.” Magenta winced.