Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"You cannot be serious!" My voice rose, echoing across the chamber as I slammed my fist into the table. General Leia Organa stares back at me, the fire in her gaze rising to my own. Her mouth is thin, drawn into a disappointed frown as she allows my outburst to shock the troops gathered around us. "You know how this mission will end, Leia!"

Her scrutinizing gaze pierces me, exposing my guilt and fear like I had offered them myself. The pitying expression that morphs her face ignites the rage within me, tension palpable in the air as we refuse to back down. "I know you're concerned, Talia. I understand you concern - we all do. But this mission will be pivotal in our war, could turn the tides in our favor if we win."

"Or," I snarl, skin prickling as rage dances underneath, "You could get all of us killed."

The gathered crowd is silent around us, nobody daring to utter a whisper as Leia and I face off. The mission was genius, I had to admit - a small outpost located on Batuu, far enough from the city to protect its inhabitants, but close enough to pique the interest of the First Order. Leia had sent Poe to plant a small device, unseemly in appearance, but with a whispered confession, the entire outpost was quickly convinced that they held the remaining piece of Skywalker's map. They would believe, of course, that General Leia Organa had chosen their outpost with utmost trust, that her naivety had been abused - someone had betrayed the Resistance, had let free the secret, and in turn, attracted the attention of the First Order. 

Leia planned to station near the outpost, to arm our best fighters and encircle the people of the town. When the First Order touched down, planning to grab Skywalker's map without issue, they would be met with the full force of the Resistance, obliterated in the small outpost on Batuu. It wouldn't be all of them, not even half, but Leia was banking on the necessity of obtaining the last fragment, of how important it would be to the First Order. They would send their best, the highest ranking troops they could manage. 

They would send Kylo Ren.

The plan, objectively, was foolproof. The leak had been indiscernible, a mere civilian who grew tired of losing the war and decided to offer the information to a lone First Order trooper. A civilian that no longer existed, for Poe had disguised himself before entering town, and had left without a trace. 

The issue lay within the moments before we attacked. Leia, ever the optimist, was sure that the First Order would be too focused, to dedicated to obtaining the fragment to care about the civilians. When she had first broached the plan, we had all unanimously agreed to return to it once the fragment had been placed. 

Then Kylo Ren blew up the Republic.

He was unhinged, a factor we couldn't possibly predict, and his growing rage had only worsened the condition of the cities he lay ruin to. In the past months, he had resorted to murdering entire cities - no hostages, no messages left, no life to be found. I knew this mission would be a death sentence for the outpost - we all knew it, felt it in our bones. And yet, Leia still carried that sheen of optimism, that hope that Kylo Ren was - what? Redeemable? Able to be saved?

He was a monster, and Leia was becoming more like him as the war raged on. 

"Talia, you have to trust that balance will be kept. The fragment will be too important to Kylo Ren, I'm sure of it." Her voice was so hopeful, full of naive belief that needed to be shattered. I wouldn't be the one to do it for her, though. Not today, not anymore. I grew tired of Leia Organa a long time ago.

"Dismissed, General?" My tone brokered no room for argument, and Leia sighed as she waved me off. With jolting steps, I pushed my way out of the room, anger roiling beneath my skin. The sun did little to soothe my agitation, beating down on me with unrelenting heat. Behind me, Poe called, jogging to catch up as I stormed away.

"Talia, wait a second," he puffed, finally able to match my stride as I prowled towards the command building. "We can still convince her it won't work - we can talk to her later, try to make her see-"

"See what?" Poe recoiled at the venom in my tone as I snapped at him, whirling to face him as I stopped. His chest brushed my own as he slowed, before he took a step back to breathe. My hands were clenched at my sides, nails digging into the sensitive skin of my palms as I struggled to rein in the agonizing anger that threatened to burst from my skin. Poe's gaze flickered to my hands, warily watching as they spasmed against my sides. Behind him, the world seemed to shake, and everything went fuzzy in my vision.

I needed to get it under control. My body was shaking like a leaf, so much that Poe put his hand on my shoulder in an effort to refute my anger.

"She'll never understand, Poe," I spat, mouth curling in disgust as I cast a look at the briefing building. "She's too optimistic, too naive. I mean, how can she possibly think that Kylo Ren will spare the outpost? he hasn't left a survivor in months!"

His eyes softened, and he nodded as I spoke, lingering sympathy flashing in his gaze. "I know, Talia. But you have to understand it's not like that. Not like him."

The tears welled in my eyes before I could control them, the stinging pain a reminder of what Leia had cost me already. "Kade is gone because of her mission. I refuse to allow an entire outpost to meet his fate because our General is delusional."

The words shook as they came out, a sob threatening to overcome me. My breath caught in my throat, and I gasped as Poe engulfed me in his arms, rubbing soothing circles along my spine. "I know, I know. I promise you, we'll find a way to talk her out of it." 

I nodded against his chest, pressing further into him until my tears slowed. With a heaving sigh, I pulled myself from his grip, meeting his pained gaze as he stared down at me. 

"It's going to be okay, Talia."

"I know." A weak smile formed on my face as I wiped the last of my tears away. "You should go back in. She'll need you to knock some sense into her, yeah?"

He laughed, shaking his head at me. "The only one who can do that is you, kiddo. Go get some rest though. I've been working on my Talia imitation, maybe I can make it work today." 

I pushed his arm softly, chuckling as he waved farewell before retreating back to the briefing building. I waved back before he disappeared, the grin slowly dropping from my face. It was nearly impossible to change Leia's mind. She needed someone to push her in just the right way, or else she'd double down. 

I headed into the command building without looking back.

-

Five days later, I strapped my armor on with renewed vigor. Leia hadn't changed her mind, no matter how many times Poe and I tried to corner her. It was futile from the beginning, and though I knew it, the sting left a sour taste in my mouth. 

I refused to be part of her mission. Refused to sit in the shadows, waiting for Kylo Ren to trigger our attack. Though she had been reluctant, Leia knew she wouldn't be able to talk me down. 

I would be waiting for him. 

I didn't plan to kill Kylo Ren on my own, though the sentiment wouldn't be lost on me. My only goal was to protect as many civilians as possible without blowing our cover. My armor was discrete, hidden under layers of flowing fabric that fit the style of the outpost. There weren't many humans there, but there were enough that my presence wouldn't be questioned - that I would be passed over in the search until it was too late.

I've never been a killer. I refuse to attack any First Order troopers that haven't shot at me first, and even then, I aim to disarm, not kill. Today, though, I'm prepared. I will not allow the civilians of the outpost to be murdered without a hell of a fight.

The flight to Coruscant was short, and I couldn't help but watch the lightbeams shoot past us. I had never seen snow, but I'd heard of it, on another planet. Someone had told me that hyperspeed was what snow looked like - blinding white, racing past as it fell to the ground. They said it was cold, and as I watched the beams arc across the ship, I couldn't help but think that maybe they were cold, too. We slowed quickly, the solar system coming into focus as we flew over the planets of varying colors. Batuu's lush surface grew larger as we approached, the greenery and stony buildings providing a natural safe-haven for its occupants. I felt my heart rate pick up as we landed, the jolt of the ground shocking me into action. 

Within moments, my weapons were holstered, knives and guns hidden under flowing fabric. I double checked their locations, ensuring I could easily reach them without the material interfering, before I stood, anxiously waiting for the doors to open. By my side, Resistance members stood shoulder to shoulder, giving each other final words of encouragement before the mission was in full swing. 

With a hiss, the door fell open, the ramp opening to the vibrant landscape before us. I could hear the chatter of the outpost, even from our secluded location. To my surprise, Leia had been adamant that she join this mission, and she strode off the ship with unwavering confidence. We followed suit, each of us filing into our respective order as we made our way to the pre-established perimeter. I wove through the crowd, pushing my way to the front as Leia marched on. She looked at me briefly, acknowledging my position, before returning her gaze forward.

"You're ready for this?" Her voice was soft, motherly as she cast another furtive glance my way. She had been concerned since I announced I was deviating from the original plan, despite her minimal protests. Leia knew I wouldn't back down, not when I was already so against her plan - she allowed me to separate myself from the group, to put myself on the line. That was one of the aspects I loved about the Resistance - if I wanted to fight for what I believed was the right thing, Leia wouldn't force me into submission. 

"I'm ready," I replied, fidgeting with my knife sheathed at my hip. "I need to do this, Leia. I need to know that I tried my hardest to keep them safe."

She was silent for a moment, seeming to mull over her words before she slowly opened her mouth to speak. "I'll be watching from the perimeter. I've designated a team to help you from the outside - I won't ask them to put themselves in the middle of the fight, but they'll be shooting for you to protect the civilians if they have to."

If they have to. The words irritated me, sparking another flare of anger, but I didn't allow it to overcome me. That was the best I would get with her. She wanted Kylo Ren to spare the civilians, but she had offered me peace - had given me backup to protect them even though she didn't believe they would need it. We were silent for the rest of the walk, circling the outpost in the shadows. When my time came to depart, Leia placed a loving hand on my shoulder, understanding twinkling in her eyes. I smiled at her before turning, melting into the throng of civilians as they milled about, unaware of the coming threat.

As I prowled around the outskirts of the town, time seemed to come to a crawl. Nobody sensed anything, and the First Order's ships didn't tear the sky with their screams. The sun had been low when we arrived, but now it dipped below the horizon, shrouding the world in twilight hues as night began to climb. 

I perused the shops on the outskirts, admiring the intricate clothing and jewelry that were displayed. A golden necklace caught my attention as it reflected a torch, beckoning me to observe it. The pendant was small, not overly intricate. It held an orb in the center, a gemstone I couldn't quite see in the light. The gold detailing around it swirled out, flowing in a circular shape as the pieces tapered off to pointed edges. I'd never been one for jewelry before, wasn't sure why I was so drawn to the piece. Nevertheless, I pulled out a few coins, handing them to the shopkeep before I carefully fastened the necklace over my skin. 

As the clasp fell into place, I heard the first screech of the ships.

Nobody noticed at first, too engrossed in their activities, the sound to faint to make out over the din. I was trained to hear that sound, though, to feel the way my hair stood on end as it grew, rapidly filling the sky as the fleet entered the atmosphere. Within seconds, the civilians had noticed, and begun to panic. They ran for their shelters, crying out for loved ones to follow among the chaos. I could do nothing but watch, ducking under an overhang as I peered out at the TIE fighters above me. I couldn't stop the shiver of apprehension that overtook me when the dreadnought appeared, dominating the sky with its domineering presence. The ships were quick to land, the stone outcropping near enough to the city that my ears rang as the fleet landed. 

Slowly, I pulled my gun from its holster, flipping the safety off as I crept closer to the incoming troopers. The sea of white was jarring, so at odds with the diverse landscape that it hurt my eyes as they moved into the city. I ducked behind a wall, watching the civilians across from me as they quivered in the shadows. There were a few still in the streets, desperately trying to find shelter before the stormtroopers noticed them. My gaze narrowed on each of them, willing them to hurry, and I let out a sigh of relief when the last of them ducked into an alcove, hidden by shadow. 

The stormtroopers stopped at the edge of the city, eerily still as they stared blankly ahead. Their guns were drawn, held across their chests in a ready position to fire. I felt the fear begin to rise in me, fought to quell it, but there was little I could do when the troopers parted to reveal him.

Alone, dressed in swooping black, walked Kylo Ren. His head was high, his steps heavy. Everything about his persona exuded clinical confidence, and something that simmered just under the surface. It set my hair on end, and a voice in the back of my head told me to run.

I couldn't run. I had a mission to complete. Running wasn't an option I was allowed to entertain. 

Kylo Ren stopped at the front of the line, his gaze sweeping over the seemingly desolate town. While he couldn't see any civilians, I knew he wasn't stupid - he knew they were there, and the way his covered head swiveled around, I could tell that he was pinpointing exactly where the potential threats could be. 

"Find it."

His voice was jarring - I had never heard it before, never heard anything like it. The droid had a similar tinny sound, of course - the metallic undercurrent was hard to miss, and I was sure there was a filter in his helmet to disguise his voice. It was the detachment that struck me, sending a wave of cold dread over my heart. He didn't sound human. There was no emotion, no intonation in his words. 

Like they had been brought to life, the stormtroopers began to infiltrate the city, methodically sweeping over each alcove and hole to find the civilians. I watched for a moment, mesmerized by the system - find, catch, force - until I was ready to act. Sinking into the shadows, I disappeared, climbing the stones I had noticed when I first picked the location. Carefully, silently, I made my way to the roof, where I peered over the edge to watch the events unfold. I would need to move soon - nobody had fired a gun yet, but the stormtroopers were herding the civilians to the outpost's center, trapping them in the circular space. They would be dead soon if I didn't act.

As I crept forward, slinking from building to building, I watched Kylo Ren. His demeanor never wavered, that coldness seeping off of him as he stormed through the city behind his troopers. His shoulders were stiff, held high as he watched the scene before him. It was odd, to not see his expression. What would he look like? Concentrated? Gleeful? I was sure he found some sick pleasure in murdering innocents. 

As the last of the civilians were rounded up, I scaled the building I had occupied, dropping to the ground silently. I was thankful that no rocks had kicked loose, the bend in my knees preventing my weight from thudding against the dusty earth. 

The civilians were encircled, trapped by the stormtroopers as they begged for their lives. I felt the fear growing in me as I crept forward, felt its icy talons begin to sink into my heart. I saw no movement around me, no indication that Leia had moved forward, but I could feel them creeping closer. My team would be somewhere across from me now, set up so we could take out as many as possible while keeping eyes on each other. 

The tension in the air was stifling, each second dragging into eternity as I clutched the gun in my hand. The civilians' cries and pleas for mercy echoed off the stone buildings, but they fell flat against the cold silence of the First Order troops. My breath was shallow, my fingers twitching as I calculated my next move.

Then, he moved.

Kylo Ren strode into the center of the circle, his black robes sweeping across the dirt like the shadow of death itself. The civilians shrank back, their sobs growing louder as he approached, towering over their hunched forms. His presence was suffocating, even from where I stood concealed in the shadows. I felt my resolve waver for a moment, a flicker of uncertainty blooming in my chest. Could I really do this? Could I protect these civilians alone, hide them from his knowing gaze? The Force was on his side, not mine.

Kylo Ren turned slowly, surveying the crowd with a predator’s patience. Finally, his voice broke the silence, low and deliberate, each word laced with menace. “The map. Where is it?”

No one answered. The civilians looked at one another, their faces pale and stricken, but no one spoke. The silence stretched until it became unbearable, and then -

A blaster shot rang out, and chaos erupted.

Leia had moved. From the shadows, Resistance fighters opened fire, taking down the stormtroopers on the perimeter with practiced precision. Screams filled the air as civilians scrambled for cover, some darting into the narrow alleys while others froze in terror, watching the night sky erupt.

Kylo Ren reacted instantly. His lightsaber ignited with a violent hiss, the crimson blade casting an eerie glow across his black helmet. He deflected incoming fire with calculated ease, the hum and crackle of his blade echoing through the outpost as his fingers deftly persuaded the gunfire to evade him. Troopers rallied to his side, returning fire as they pushed back against the ambush. I couldn’t wait any longer. Angling my gun, I slipped through the chaos, moving closer to the civilians still trapped in the center of the square. A young Twi’lek girl cowered beneath the overhang of a stall, her wide eyes locking onto mine as I crouched beside her.

“Follow me,” I whispered, gesturing toward a narrow alley. “Stay low and keep quiet.”

She nodded, clutching a small bundle to her chest as she crawled after me. I guided her and a few others into the alley, shielding them with my body and firing over my shoulder as blaster shots zipped overhead. My heart thundered in my chest, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop.

As I ushered the small group into the alley, I felt a shift in the air - a crackling energy that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Turning slowly, I found him. I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew his gaze was locked on me, observing my shaking hands as I defiantly held the gun up to his form.

“You,” he said, his voice a low growl. “You’re not one of them.”

I could barely breathe under the weight of his gaze, my arm trembling as I held the pistol aloft. His presence was suffocating, as though he had reached into my chest and stolen the air from my lungs.

“Drop the weapon,” Kylo Ren ordered, his tone calm yet commanding, his crimson blade humming ominously at his side. I hesitated, my finger brushing against the trigger. The civilians I had just guided to safety were huddled behind me, their soft whimpers audible even over the distant blaster fire.

You promised, I thought bitterly, my heart twisting as I looked into the pitiless void of his mask. You promised you would save them.

As I gazed into the void of the monster before me, I felt a growing pang of anger rise in me once more. My hand trembled, yet I stared into the face of the beast, eyes narrowing on his form as the innocents behind me cried. If I died, Leia would do her best to save the rest. I would have done my job, protected who I could.

It wasn't enough.

“Drop the weapon,” Kylo repeated, this time more softly, almost gently, as though he could sense my turmoil.

I swallowed hard.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Leia’s fighters advancing, trying to gain the upper hand in the chaos. I thought of their faith in me. Of the promises I’d made. Of the lies I’d told. I saw Poe, fighting valiantly across the way. Irena, my best friend since I had joined the Resistance, skillfully shooting at stormtroopers with all her might as she defended a mother and son behind her. 

"You promised," I whispered, returning my gaze to the monster before me. He stepped closer, head cocked to the side as he studied me, the way I stared up at him with anger, hatred. Slowly, he nodded, only once. It was all I needed.

Past the trees.

I lowered my gun, eyes never leaving his mask as I slowly holstered it, before I put my hands up in surrender.

"Talia!" Poe's voice echoed across the outpost, bouncing off the walls. I met his wild gaze, tears welling in my own as I watched him fire at the nearest stormtrooper before fighting his way closer to me. As he moved, Kylo Ren did too, sweeping behind me in an elegant prowl. Poe's steps faltered, then slowed as he watched.

As the gloved hand of Kylo Ren slipped around my waist, I mouthed, "I'm sorry." 

The last thing I heard before he knocked me out was a metallic, whispered word.

"Traitor."

Chapter Text

Ten years prior

My fingers twitched at my side, aching to remove the cowl covering my head as sweat beaded, dripping into the fabric and irritating my skin. My shoulders ached, my skin was flushed from the beating sun, and my nails were nearly torn from their beds, blood still drying on my skin.

Beside me, Kade stood tall, arms neatly pressed behind his back. His head was high, shoulders stiff, and I could see his chest heaving as he fought to regain his breath. The attack had been brutal, nearly costing both of us our lives as we fought our way to the little freedom the desert would provide. The First Order had left our planet alone for nearly a year, so much that we had begun to relax, assumed they were dwindling - finally.

Instead, they had been preparing, gathering their forces and amassing an army nearly triple what they had started with. As they deployed, we watched from our hut, my grip on Kade iron tight. The fleet just kept coming.

While intense, the fighting was relatively short. We had few weapons, even less to match the newly redesigned blasters the stormtroopers carried. It was pure luck that Kade and I escaped, burying ourselves in the sand as the last of the stormtroopers searched for survivors. It was clear they were looking for someone, but they left with no captives. Only the dead bodies of our neighbors, of our friends, remained.

Kade had forced me to remain buried for hours after they left, afraid that if we moved, there would be remaining soldiers to pick us off. It was only after the perpetual quiet began to ring in my ears that he pulled me from the sand, dusting me off as best he could. My nails were shredded, nearly ripped from their beds as I had clawed my way around one of the buildings. I could only stare at them, hypnotized by the way the sand clung to the dripping blood as it welled, before falling back to the ground.

They should stop bleeding soon, I hope.

The boom of a ship entering out atmosphere caused me to scream, ducking as Kade threw himself over me. There was no detonation, though, no pelting bullets raining down on us. Only the soft rumble as the ship landed, and the hiss of the door falling open. 

People poured out slowly, carefully examining the ruin of our town. Smoke curdled the air, turning it hazy as it rose to the sky. The bodies were littered everywhere - most shot, some cut, all dead.

They payed special attention to us, and though I lowered my head, I watched through my brows as one of them turned back to the ship, hurrying up the deck before reemerging with a woman.

Her hair was pulled back, brown but greying at the edges. Her eyes skated between Kade and eye, warmth warring with a cunning perception as she studied the two of us. Our presentation must have been satisfactory, for she approached.

I couldn't dwell on that, though, didn't for many years.

Instead, my head slowly raised as my knees quivered, threatening to give out beneath me. 

I don't know if I spoke, or perhaps the words were in my head. The feeling of hope, of beautiful relief shone through me, overpowering any conscious thought I had. As Kade straightened beside me, the words echoed in my head in reverence.

"General Organa."

5 years prior

"Leia!" My voice was light, filled with laughter as I ran through the halls of the command building. Behind me, Kade's heavy footsteps chased, his own laughter bouncing off the walls. 

It had been five years since Leia saved us, five years of living on the base - of living with General Leia Organa, learning to love her, worshipping her. She had saved us. She could have brought us back, dropped us in the nearest cot, and resumed her normal life.

Instead, Leia had taken to caring for us.

She would never replace my mother, could never encapsulate her essence, but she was the closest I would ever find. Her warmth had never faded, never dwindled even as I had grown out of my teenage years. Once, she told me she used to have a son - used to cater to his every whim. He was gone, though, and I suppose in his absence, she found two new children to care for. 

It had taken nearly two years for her to allow me to go on a mission, waiting until the month after my eighteenth birthday. I had pouted, stomped about, complained. I didn't understand until she had allowed me to go with her, allowed me to watch from the bridge as the First Order tore apart another city - a city so unlike my own, yet so similar it made me sick. 

We didn't have the numbers to retaliate against the First Order yet. Our members were growing, but too slowly for us to interfere. Instead, we were stuck waiting, watching from afar as the city was destroyed before we perused the rubble for survivors.

They never left any.

After that mission, I had sworn I would continue to go, despite Leia's adamance that I reconsider. She didn't want me to see it, didn't want me to hurt. 

I didn't want to miss an opportunity to get my revenge.

For nearly three years, I'd gone on as many missions as I could, watching the First Order. Sometime in the last year, we had finally amassed enough member to attack. Against her orders, I went headfirst into the fight, attacking any stormtrooper within range. I had saved my first civilian, then. The feeling was euphoric, powerful, even as I stared at the now desolate landscape around us. 

Now, we were two days out from an attack, gearing up to fly to the planet. She had redacted the name in the document - it was possible the planet was a smuggler's area, full of people many Resistance members wouldn't necessarily want to save. I didn't care, though - I wanted to go, to watch as the stormtroopers looked for whoever it was they had been looking for all these years. I wanted to watch them fail once more. 

Kade had approached me, beaming as he held his arms behind his back. He laughed at my suspicious look before pulling out a crown. It was terrible - cheaply made, held together with glue, and in big letters, it read "HAPPy BiRTHDaY TALia!"

Leia would save me from the torment of wearing it.

2 years prior

I watched, dimly aware of my surroundings, as the planet faded from view. 

Another mission.

Another success.

Another death.

Behind me, our crew fumbled with the sheet, tucking it carefully around the body. I heard them, but I couldn't bring myself to watch. Couldn't muster the strength to turn around, to see the body under the sheet.

He had done so well. 

We hadn't expected the newest addition to the First Order - Leia had said there was a disturbance, that something bad was coming, but we hadn't known it would be him. Dressed in all black, his saber as unstable as he seemed, the man prowled around the outpost, tearing down any who dared to step in his path. He didn't speak, didn't hesitate, and didn't show mercy.

I had watched, from across the outpost. His movements were entrancing, so offensive and abrupt. He slammed his weight around without thought, throwing his mass into each swipe, each jab of his lightsaber. His aggression was something I've never seen before. 

When his gaze locked onto me, I was frozen. As he stormed across the outpost, I could do nothing but watch, begging my limbs to give in, to move, to run. I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew he was watching me, watching as I had so often done to the stormtroopers that now lay dead in the streets. 

Kade had been such an idiot.

The dagger nearly embedded itself in the new man's shoulder - it had nearly worked. Would have worked. He hadn't missed. 

The blade had simply stopped.

The man halted, turning over his shoulder to watch the blade. As he moved, the sharpened blade grazed his cowl, cutting the fabric softly. Once his gaze was off me, I felt my limbs come back to me - I could have run, needed to run. Instead, I was once again frozen, this time of my own volition as I watched the man stalk towards my brother. 

Leia had organized this mission despite knowing there was something coming. Had prepared our team for usual combat, had sent the normal amount of us out. She had known something would happen, and yet she had decided we could come. 

The man did not use the Force. He didn't lift my brother into the air, choke him in some display of power. Instead, he simply lit his blade.

I couldn't stay to see what became of Kade.

5 days prior

My footsteps pounded towards the command building, echoing off the empty landscape around me. I couldn't seem to reign in the anger coursing through my veins, roiling under my skin as I prepared myself. 

Was I really about to commit treason over a mission?

Doubt wavered my steps, causing me to falter slightly. With a shake of my head, I resumed. I couldn't allow Leia's blind hope to destroy another outpost. It had gone on long enough.

Two years. It had been two years since he stepped foot on the battlefield, and two years since Leia had worked in the best interest of the people.

Ben Solo.

Kylo Ren.

He didn't care about the ruin, didn't care about the devastation he caused. All he cared about was destroying everything, finding what he came to seek. In the two years since he had joined, they had still failed to find the person of interest, and it had only increased his volatile nature. Now, sending him after a map segment we knew he needed, I could only imagine the havoc he would wreak once he found it to be a trap.

I had to stop it before the entire outpost was destroyed.

The door to the command building creaked on its hinges, and I winced, thankful everybody was being briefed still. I quickly made my way down the hall, turning to the last door on the left with a heavy feeling in my chest.

We had only used this room once since I had arrived at the Resistance base.

A hostage, important to Leia, had been taken for the sole intent of "negotiations." The First Order was not willing to part with their prisoner unless the Resistance supplied information. Leia had been unwilling to offer precious knowledge to the very beings who would destroy it.

He was executed over the hologram.

My fingers shook as I fidgeted with the button, toying around it momentarily. I could still back out. I didn't need to do this, to betray the people I loved.

A part of me screamed that I did.

With resignation, I thumbed the button, using just enough pressure to dispatch the request. I didn't even know if they would still use this system, if they had gotten rid of it after out negotiation failed. I only half-hoped they had.

My determination was not enough to stop the wave of dread from crashing over me as the hologram came to life. He looked as he always did - regal, unwavering where he stood. His mask was on - of course, it was always on - and the modulated intonation of his breathing sent a shiver down my spine.

"Kylo Ren." My voice was crisp, professional, and I couldn't help but thank whatever gods were above us that it did not fray.

He inclined his head to the side - sizing me up. I couldn't see his eyes, but I knew. Just like I knew he recognized me from two years ago. The sensation was terrifying, creeping up my spine as he stared at me, similar to a predator watching its prey.

I would not be prey today.

"I've come to make a request."

Chapter Text

It was really fucking bright in here.

As my eyes cracked open, the splitting headache I had awoken with intensified, causing a slight gasp to escape my lips. The lights beamed down on me, hindering my sight as I struggled to squint through the pain.

The room was spacious, from what I could tell. Dark walls, but pristinely clean - reflective, disorienting me as the overhead light seemed to attack me from all angles. A good tactic, one that should be utilized more - I could hardly focus on one point, let alone inspect my surroundings in full.

I moved to lift my hand to my face, to rub my eyes, but my wrist was greeting with cold metal. Instinctually, I look down, groaning as I'm met with the sight of thick shackles holding me in place. My eyes fell shut as I took a deep breath, analyzing the interrogation chair I'm strapped to. The backing isn't awful - plush, given the environment. My neck doesn't hurt, and the siding that comes up in my peripheral vision is large enough that I could rest my head against it, should I need to sleep. I think I'm angled - not entirely sitting upright, but not flat on my back, either. The shackles are interesting - cold, despite the relative warmth of the room. I can feel them on my ankles too, with no give to allow me space to move. I think there's a strap around my waist, but I don't bother craning my neck to look. I'm stuck here either way.

To my left, a red light begins to beep, blinding even through my closed eyes. I open them slowly, twisting to see the light, and find a camera behind it - not subtle, not hidden. With a huff, I lay my head back, fingers beginning to twitch as I anxiously await whoever notices that I'm awake first. 

Nearly five minutes later, the door opens with a whoosh, and I'm greeting with cool air blowing around my body. I can't see the door from here, yet another good interrogation tactic. The footfalls are heavy, though, thudding against the ground as they circle closer.

The first thing I see is sweeping black, brushing against the floor. Slowly, my eyes trail upward, until I'm met with that chilling mask. It's expression - or lack thereof - has always unnerved me. Blank, empty. Void of any thought or feeling. I'd heard rumors that the being behind it wasn't human, was some kind of droid - I knew they weren't true, of course, knew as surely as Leia had those years ago. Those who didn't believe it was a droid whispered that he was ugly, deformed, scarred beyond comprehension. Perhaps he was. 

He stills before me, hands clasped together in front of him. I can't seem to remove my gaze from his mask, watching for any flicker of life; I know I won't see one, know his face is completely obscured by design, but still, I search for a hint of humanity.

"Tell me about the Resistance." His voice is cold, metallic twang masking any potential emotion behind the statement. I can't help but scoff at the words, turning my head away from him.

"That wasn't our deal," I say, carefully placing my tone somewhere between pleasant and wary. "Our terms were my capture in exchange for the safety of the outpost and information on General Organa."

His head cocks to the side at this, and I can't help the way my body tenses. I've only been prey before once in my life, and never have I been this close to the predator stalking me.

"You're truly ignorant if you believed I'd only ask for information about the General. I've seen you before, on the field. You're skilled. Not just a member of the Resistance, but something more." 

I have nothing to say to that, my mouth snapping shut as he finishes speaking. He's correct, of course; I'm not just a member of the Resistance, rather Leia's right-hand. Daughter, perhaps? I had hoped my connection to her would be enough. "I will not divulge information about the Resistance," I begin slowly, "but I will offer information about General Organa. That was our deal."

He scoffs at me now, the sound odd through his mask. His hands comes to either side of me, braced against the armrests of my chair. "You will give me the information I want. You can not be so naive to believe you will be held within the First Order and not provide information."

I say nothing, staring defiantly into his mask as my jaw ticks.

With a resigned sigh, he backs away. I nearly relax, thinking he's done for now, that I can breathe again. Instead, his hand comes up between us, and I feel the slightest pressure applied to the base of my skull.

"I will get the information I seek. Whether you tell me or I pull it from your mind, it will be mine." His hand twists slightly, and the pressure grows, intensifying into an aching pain that nearly causes me to black out. If I had thought my headache when I woke up was bad, this was excruciating. I could feel his presence, ramming into my mind with arrogant ease as I fought to hide everything from him. He was so close to uncovering everything I knew - no matter what I had done, I would not allow the members of the Resistance to fall at my hand.

I felt something in my mind, a desire to fight back, begin to bloom as his presence slows. With a cry, I force him away, force him to back out of my mind.

He stumbles back, nearly tripping over his feet as he puts distance between us. Both of our chests heave as I glare at him, fighting the tears that threaten to flow. The pain is astounding, worse than anything I've ever felt, and I wish I could bring my hand to my head more than anything.

I watch as he studies me, head tilting to the side in what I can only assume is curiosity. I can feel the intrigue radiating off of him as he silently stares. After a moment, he simply murmurs, "interesting," before stalking away. He makes no other sound as the door whooshes shut behind him.

Instead of washing over my skin, the cool air settles on me like a ghost, chilling me to the bone. I'm alone once again, but I can't bring myself to be relieved - instead, a strange sense of foreboding creeps over my skin, pulling me with its icy grip. Why had he looked at me like that?

Had he found what he wanted? I wasn't sure how the Force worked, didn't know if it was possible for me to push him from my mind as he did, or if he had simply retreated on him own. Had my thoughts been so strong that he had backed away willingly? Had I truly pushed him out? I was sure he had never been told no before, never been unable to grasp what he desired. 

I could still feel his gaze on me, the cold calculation that was tangible through the mask. I was intriguing to him - exotic, an anomaly. 

I didn't feel as though that was a good thing.

If he hadn't gotten what he wanted this time, he would be back. I knew it, and part of me worried that he would win. 

Time seems to stretch endlessly - I've no desire to sleep more, but there's nothing to do in the cell but wait. The walls give no indication of the time, and there are no windows for me to see where we are. As I stare blankly at the wall in front of me, my thoughts begin to stray.

Poe's face was seared into my mind, a reminder of my betrayal. Did he know then that I had gone willingly? Or did he believe I had been captured, locked in place by the Force and tossed onto the ship? If he hadn't been aware then, they certainly would be now - somebody would have gone into the command building, would have used the holopad - seen the outgoing call I had made, and put the pieces together. Would they hate me? Believe I had betrayed the entire Resistance? Would they wait in fear for days on end, preparing for the moment when the First Order fleet rained down upon them? 

I hadn't wanted to betray the entire order, I don't think. Leia was one thing - so full of optimism she was blind. I know I betrayed Leia, know I left her just as he had years ago to join the opposition. Would she ever understand why I had done it? Part of me wants to believe she'll understand in time, see the error of her naivety. Logically, though, I know that my disappearance will only further her urge to find a peaceful truce that she will never obtain. 

I hadn't even offered important information about her to Kylo Ren. I knew, of course, what he was. Who he was. Leia had trusted me with the information willingly years ago, had told me how her son had disappeared after he had turned to the dark side. When he had first appeared on the field, she confided in me that she knew it was him, despite the mask that stared back. She had always been Force-sensitive, and he had always been so strong - it was inevitable that seeing him would stir the connection. 

I had only offered him information about his mother.

Nothing of the Resistance, nothing of their bases, or their fleet, or their strategy. Only information about his mother - and I knew, as soon as I offered it, that he would accept. The way he had stilled, the way his masked gaze had snapped to my face - I knew it would work. 

I had been so confident in my plan.

I realized that he had told his superiors, had to inform them of the valuable prisoner that was now aboard the ship. Of course, they wouldn't have allowed him to skim by with information on Leia. I knew too much, had done too much for that to be acceptable. I would have to break eventually.

Or I would have to die in the process. 

The whoosh of the door startled me, my head whipping around despite my blindness to the door. The footsteps are different than his, though, lighter this time. A stormtrooper comes into view, carrying a tray of bland food with him. He sets it down on the table next to my chair before cautiously unlatching my wrists from their hold. As he backs away, blaster raised in my direction, I nod. "Thank you."

The food is as terrible as it looks, void of any flavor, but I devour it, hunger creeping over me. How long has it been since I've eaten?

"How long have I been here?" My voice is quiet, scratchy from lack of use, and I clear my throat as the trooper pauses. He looks at me curiously before responding.

"Two days. You've been awake for six hours."

Two days. I had slept for nearly two days before I stirred. 

Was Leia planning to move the base now? Were they prepared for the onslaught of First Order ships that would not come? 

What if they didn't know?

Thoughts raced past as I finished my food, pushing the tray away softly. My brow furrows as I try to work through the potentials, fear gripping me as I consider. Would they come for me? What if they hadn't seen the holopad yet, hadn't thought to look through the outgoing calls? Would they try to board this ship, try to bypass the fleet to get to me?

The thought fills me with dread, the food suddenly sitting heavy in my stomach as guilt crashes over me. The stormtrooper refastens my restraints silently, my quickening breaths the only sound in the room.

Had I unwittingly sent my friends to their doom? 

As the stormtrooper exits the room, the last thing he says to me is muttered, barely audible.

"You shouldn't have come here."

Chapter Text

At some point, I had managed to sleep. The blinding light infiltrates my mind once again as I stir, forcing me to squint against it. There's a strange hum in the air, nearly palpable as it rouses me.

The hum grows stronger as I fully wake, seeming to echo in my bones. I can't hear anything, but I can feel it, vibrating within me as it strengthens. My skin prickles, and energy courses through my skin, setting my nerves alight with anticipation. Are we moving? Is the base being attacked?

Tentatively, I test my bonds, nearly growling when they still don't budge. I don't know what I expected - my shackles had not been removed since my meal was finished. They were still as unyielding as they had been before, and they were still impossible to escape.

The hum grows to a crescendo, and I tap my fingers to expel some of the building energy within me. 

As the door opens, the hum quiets, a soft whisper of energy coursing over me. Kylo Ren stands before me once more, his mask bearing its inhumane emptiness.

He says nothing for a moment, simply studying me as I stare back. I take in the broadness of his shoulders, his imposing height - I had never noticed before just how intimidating his figure was, aura aside. His posture is rigid, arms clasped behind his back as he looks at me.

"You'll need to give us information if you wish to live."

The words are clinical, detached, the metal intonation separating them from the man before me. I wince at the sound, my ears used to the ringing silence of the room now. My mouth stays shut, though, as I stare back blankly. Had he not understood? I would give him nothing aside from out previously established bargain. 

"The generals will be expecting you to cooperate," he states. "You have defected from the Resistance, and whatever naive idea you have in your head is wrong. You are now a prisoner of the First Order until you prove yourself, and you will do that by providing information about the Resistance."

Before I can respond, my shackles are unlatched, and I tentatively bring my hands to my chest. I rub at my wrist as I look at him, brow furrowing slightly. "I told you-"

"Our agreement does not apply to my superiors. You are a valuable asset, and will need to behave as such if you wish to stay alive."

He's so still as he speaks, I could nearly believe the voice doesn't come from him. Without seeing him move, without watching him speak, it's almost as if a droid is in front of me, and the voice belongs to someone I can't see. A frown pulls at my lips as I think through my options - I can either supply them with false information and buy myself a few days of safety before they kill me, or I can betray my friends as I've already betrayed Leia and offer the enemy priceless information. 

"What am I supposed to say? I won't allow you to kill them all." His head cocks as I speak, watching me work through my thoughts. I can feel his curiosity, his desire to understand me, and it makes me shiver with apprehension.

"You will provide what information you know about why the Resistance has moved to Jakku. I will not make you disclose the location of their base yet, but you will direct us on how to best handle this mission."

"What mission?"

He sighs, and I can't help but feel a spark of recognition in the action. He's human - it's hidden underneath layers of disguise, but that one small movement has differentiated him from a mindless droid. His voice even carries a hint of annoyance as he responds, "We want to know what they're searching for. Nobody goes to Jakku without a reason."

"Nobody wants to," I scoff under my breath, thinking of the desert planet full of scavengers and rogues. "I only know some of the information - I was planning to go, but Leia doesn't disclose much information until we're aboard the carriers." 

"Very well." He motions with his hand and I rise, wobbling slightly on unsteady feet. Support curls around my ankles, and I whip around to stare at him curiously. He stands rigid, unmoving as he watches me but - his right hand is twisted slightly, fingers splayed. As soon as I notice, he drops his hand, and the support fades from my legs. He begins to walk without looking at me.

I follow a few steps behind him, studying the way he moves - so precise, determined. Confident in his strides. The lightsaber at his side swishes with each step. Outside of the room, we're joined by four stormtroopers, guns angled at me as they fall behind us. Our steps are loud, echoing off of the pristine walls, as shiny as they had been in the interrogation room. The lights are slightly muted out here, thankfully, giving my eyes a break as I take in my surroundings. 

There are few people in the hall, and each looks forward as they move. Nobody stops to talk, or even acknowledge those they pass, which is so at odds with the Resistance that I nearly laugh. There's no companionship in the halls, only clinical footsteps and destinations in mind. The only reaction anybody gives, in fact, is fear. As Kylo Ren storms past them, the troopers in the halls flinch, curving into themselves as they rush past. 

We walk for what feels like hours, through winding halls until we reach the elevator. The ride up is silent, and I can feel the pressure of a blaster at my back as I stand next to Kylo Ren. When the doors open, I gratefully step out, moving away from the metal weapon quickly. Kylo's head turns slightly at the motion, studying my movement. I make an effort to relax, to slow my pace as we step deeper into the hall, before he grabs my arm to direct me into a conference room.

The action is soft, so at odds with his character. I can't help but stare at his gloved hand, still gently grasping my arm. I had expected him to use more force, to bruise me, not to handle me delicately. Sidestepping, I pull myself from his grip as we enter the room.

Commanders stare at us curiously, watching Kylo with wary apprehension and me with blatant intrigue. They want to know why I'm here, I can feel it - can feel the weight of their thoughts, of their curiosity as they watch me. I straighten my shoulders subconsciously, clasping my hands in front of me as I meet each of their gazes with determination. The head of the table is empty, and Kylo sweeps towards the chair, but does not sit. Instead, he motions to me.

I can feel the subtle pull of the Force as he urges me to come towards him, but I don't think he's making me do anything as I step closer. With a resigned sigh, I sit on the edge of the chair, relishing the bewildered stares of the commanders around me. No matter what their thoughts of me are, they clearly didn't expect me to take a position of authority - I didn't either, but I choose not to question it.

"Let's begin." His voice is strange behind me. Without being able to see him, I can almost believe it's a droid. Around me, commanders busy themselves with rearranging files, shuffling things of importance to the front. 

To my right, the red-haired commander speaks, his voice causing the hairs on my neck to rise. "We have received word that the Resistance will be gathering a small unit on Jakku, but we're unsure of what they're looking for."

General Hux, a voice whispers in my head. It's male, that much I can tell, but I'm unable to discern the exact sound. I jump slightly at the intrusion, but it's so gentle that I hardly feel the pressure at the back of my skull. I stop myself from turning to face Kylo, whose hands still grip the back of the chair, instead analyzing the red-haired man - General Hux, then - to my right. Something about him unnerves me, more than the presence of Kylo does. 

I realize they're all staring at me with varying expressions, and I clear my throat as I straighten my shoulders once more. "I'm unsure of why the Resistance is organizing on Jakku - there's nothing there of note. I was meant to be on that carrier, though, so they are expecting a fight of some capacity."

One of the men down the table scoffs, throwing his hands up at my statement. "What the fuck are we supposed to do with that infor-"

His sentence is cut off by a weak choking sound, eyes growing wide as his hands scrabble towards his throat. He's released not a second later, sagging into his chair as he chokes in a breath.

"Our guest has offered what information she can," Kylo intones from behind me, voice colder than I've heard thusfar. "You can accept it and ask further questions, or get out."

The man nods, sinking lower into his chair as he glares at me before looking away. That was... unexpected. I sit further back in my chair, resisting the urge to turn and stare at the man behind me. Instead, I stare expectantly at the men around me, all looking behind me with varying degrees of fear. The only one who seems unafraid is Hux, who sits with confident ease, his hands propped under his chin as he stares thoughtfully between us.

"What are the numbers?" This time, a woman in the middle of the group speaks. She refuses to meet my gaze, instead tracing over the paper before her with interest.

I shake my head slightly. "I'm not confident in the numbers. It's not the entire fleet, but there will be more than our last mission - especially given my disappearance. They will either believe I've been captured and fight to see me returned or... they'll know I left, and fight to ask why."

The group of commanders nods, thoughtfully pondering my statement. It's true, I think - regardless of whether they know, Leia and Poe will want to see me, will want to understand what's happened. We were already planning on sending almost half the fleet on this mission, but now it will be closer to three quarters. 

I'm not sure what else I can supply, and neither are the commanders around me, it seems, for they're all quiet as they reread the report, formulating a new plan. That is, until Hux speaks again.

"You do realize what will happen if this doesn't prove true?" His voice slides through the room like a dagger, embedding its cold blade into my chest. "You've supplied us with minimal information, and if it turns out that the feeble amount you've provided is false - you're still a captive on our ship."

The warning is clear, coupled with an icy glint in his eye that promises consequence. I nod, breaking the eye contact quickly as I focus on the other occupants. Tell the truth or die.

"Meeting adjourned," Hux states, his commanding tone flowing through the air. The commanders around us nod, shuffling to retrieve their papers. As they depart, I stay seated, something telling me we'll be here a moment longer. Hux sits as well, gaze flickering over my form as he studies me. "What is your name?"

I tense, not expecting him to speak to me again. Behind me, I can feel the subtle movement of the chair as Kylo's grip tightens on the backing. "Talia, sir."

He nods, contemplating for a moment before his gaze flickers to the man behind me. "Has the Surpreme Leader informed you of where she's to be kept? Surely she cannot stay in the interrogation chamber if we are to gain her trust."

I can feel him stiffen at the mention of the Supreme Leader, my own back tensing at the name. I had only heard about Supreme Leader Snoke in fleeting conversation, stories told to children. He was behind all of this, behind the war, the death, the bloodshed. The reminder that I'm now aboard a ship he commands chills me.

"The Supreme Leader has directed me on this delicate situation. It will be handled." I watch Hux as Kylo speaks, noting the way his eyes narrow at the vague statement. He so clearly wants to know more, and I can see him warring between leaving it alone or pushing the subject. He chooses the former, letting out a tense sigh as he nods before standing. 

"Very well," he replies, gathering his papers. "I look forward to speaking with you again, Talia."

I nod, mouth shut as I observe his departing form. He carries himself similarly to Kylo, but I can see an arrogance in the way he holds himself, they way his shoulders are adjusted. I don't trust him - I don't trust anybody, but I know within my heart that I will never allow Hux to gain my trust entirely.

Kylo moves, startling me as he shifts around my chair. He surprises me by taking the seat Hux had formerly occupied. I watch as his hand comes to his temple before retracting when it contacts the mask. Instead, he drops it to the table, clasping his fingers together as he stares at me. "You will be granted a room on my floor. You will have the space for yourself, but there will be a constant rotation outside of your door. You will not have access to outside communication, and you will do exactly what is expected of you."

I struggle to find words for a moment, mind spinning over the thought of my own room. They wanted my trust, badly, if they were willing to give me my own space. "What will be expected of me?"

"You will answer to the commander's requests," he begins, voice back to its modulated emptiness. "You will train with me, so I can assess your fighting style and place you with another later. You will go on missions if you are requested, and you will answer to me while we work on establishing a routine and your trust."

I nod, eyes flicking over his mask as he speaks. I will be a soldier, then. More than a stormtrooper, but not enough to paint a target on my back for any who wish to remove any traces of the Resistance. As long as I keep the information about my friends to myself, it will be fine. I will learn to adapt, as I always have, and I will learn my place in this new order. 

I've done the right thing, I think to myself as we stare at one another.

I can't ignore the slight pressure at my skull as Kylo's head cocks lightly to the side. "You have done the right thing, Talia. We will win this war, and peace will exist once more."

Chapter Text

We departed the conference room without further discussion. 

I trail slightly behind Kylo, guards still at my back. His footsteps are heavy, quick as he stalks through the hall. I nearly have to run to keep up with him, the prod of the blaster at my back only quickening my pace. We reach the elevator and step into it once more, the blaster still cold against my spine. The only noise is my own shallow breathing, at odds with the crisp, metallic tone of Kylo's own. I stare at our muted reflections in the door, noting the differences between us, how overbearing his stature is compared to my own.

I'm not a small girl - slightly above average height, well muscled from years of training. Despite this, he still towers over me, so imposing even in the reflection. My muscle is nothing compared to the broadness of his shoulders, made more intimidating by his pristine posture. Without thinking about it, I find myself straightening, adjusting my shoulders so they are straight, pushed back as his are. I look disheveled next to him, and something tells me I will always look that way in his presence. 

The elevator comes to a smooth stop before the doors silently open and he steps out, pausing to look back at me. I follow him, expecting the blaster to remain in my skin, and I am slightly shocked to hear silence behind me. I turn to see the stormtroopers remain in the elevator as the doors glide shut, met once again with silence and my own warped reflection. 

"Come," Kylo says, turning to begin his brisk walk down the empty hallway. I try to keep up with him, nearly jogging as I do so. He does not slow, does not allow me to catch up to him, but when I nearly trip over my own feet, I feel the faintest curl of support wrapping around my ankles. 

We walk for what feels like an eternity, taking so many turns that I couldn't possibly remember the way out if I was given the opportunity to escape. Not that I would - I had nowhere to escape to, no longer had a home outside of my new prison. I was a traitor. An enemy of my friends, my family - 

I didn't want to think about it anymore, and I was grateful when we came to a stop outside one of three doors in the hallway. Another stormtrooper was positioned outside the door, unmoving as we approached. Only when Kylo looked at him expectantly did he speak. 

"The suite has been prepared to meet your requests, sir," the stormtrooper stated, and I felt a trickle of recognition in my mind. As he continued, I felt the ghost of a smile creep onto my face - the same stormtrooper who had brought me lunch! "Everything is set up as you asked, and there will be a constant rotation of troopers on guard."

Kylo said nothing, barely nodding at the stormtrooper before lifting his hand. The door slid open quietly, a faint hum the only noise. I followed him as he stepped into the suite, jaw dropping as I looked around. 

This was a far cry from the interrogation room I had begun in - clean, muted walls held an entire home. A kitchen, connected to a small dining room. A hallway with three separate doors, which we quickly walked towards. 

"You will be given as much freedom as I can offer you," Kylo began, motioning towards the suite around us. "The kitchen is yours, though we have a dining hall if you don't know how to cook. A bathing chamber, and two bedrooms for you to choose from. Though I don't expect you to have guests, you are able to if and when you decide to become acquainted with the other inhabitants of our base. You have clothing already supplied for you, but if you need anything else, you can put in a request and it will be delivered."

I nodded dumbly, forgetting I was behind him for a moment. Despite this, he seemed to sense my acquiescence and continued on, pushing open the first of the bedrooms. "Both bedrooms are set up the same. Your clothes are currently in this one, but you can move them if you decide to. You are free to rearrange to your liking. If you need assistance, the stormtroopers outside are able to come in with your permission."

"Thank you," I whispered, allowing myself to look at the room fully. It was as clinical as the rest of the base, nothing on the walls. The lighting was warmer, though, not as bright and harsh as the halls. The bed looked soft, and beside it was a small table with a lamp. The wardrobe was massive, and I tentatively walked over to it, opening the doors with trepidation. 

Inside, clothing of various colors hung. They all seemed to be comfortable, breathable - organized by both color and sleeve length. Below them were rows of pants, various styles and colors. The wardrobe was fully stocked, and I couldn't help but stare at the soft fabric as I touched it reverently. We had never had many options on the Resistance base - there wasn't exactly clothing outlets lined up for us to peruse. I had worn the same four outfits for over a decade, and while I had been perfectly content to do so, I was in awe of how much there was here, waiting for me to wear.

A slight cough from Kylo pulled me from my thoughts, and I blushed in embarrassment as I turned back to him sheepishly. "I'm sorry," I murmured, unable to look at his masked face. "I've never been given so many options before."

"I understand," he blandly stated, turning from the room abruptly. I followed him as he made his way back to the kitchen, standing awkwardly in the space. I opted to sit at the counter, elbows resting on the cold marble surface as I propped my hands under my chin. 

He seemed to struggle to find something more to say, but just as I was about to speak, he finally regained his words. "My personal suite is two doors down. In between us is an empty suite - it is locked, and will remain so. You do not have full access to my suite, but if you need anything and if I am in the room, you will be granted entrance. You will have a guard with you at all times if you leave the room, but you are free to access almost anything on the base."

I nodded, finally looking at his masked face. I wished I could see what he was thinking, wished I could see his face properly. Despite the fear I still felt, he was incredibly accommodating, and while I still didn't feel safe, I felt more at ease already than I had planned to feel. "What will be expected of me?"

"You are currently still a prisoner, until I deem you trustworthy. For now, you will be expected to train with me every morning. After that, you will be placed with a stormtrooper unit and rotated around the base until we find a job for you. You will be expected to work, and to provide information if it is requested of you."

"I won't tell you everything about the Resistance," I responded, the words automatic. "I may have... defected, but I won't allow you to kill my friends because of me."

"That is understandable. You will change your mind eventually." 

His words sent a chill down my spine. I had rarely been able to decipher any emotion behind his voice modulator, but I could feel the certainty he carried with his words. I said nothing, looking away from him as my fingers began to buzz slightly, the anger building up within my blood. 

"What is that?" His voice was sharp, much sharper than it had been before. 

"What?" I looked back to him then, my confusion allowing my blood to cool. The anger slowly faded away as I stared at him, noting the way his head cocked to the side. I wished I could see what he was looking at. 

He stared for a moment longer before shaking his head. "Nevermind. If you need anything, SF-1943 is stationed outside your door. I will be unavailable for the remainder of the day. We will begin your training tomorrow morning."

With that, he swiftly turned, stalking to the door as it opened to his will before gliding shut behind him. I stayed put at the counter, staring at the door as I tried to make sense of the events the day had brought. 

I was still a prisoner, Kylo had said as much. Despite that, I was given my own room - my own suite - next to his own. Surely this was purely a tactical decision, a choice that would make me trust him more. I couldn't help but admit that it did - I knew what he was, knew how evil he could be, but something in me couldn't reconcile the monster with the man who had shown me where I would live, the man who had offered me near-complete freedom of his base. 

Freedom to explore the base!

I jumped up from my seat, dashing to the door. Kylo was able to open it with his mind, but I slammed the button to the door, excitement bubbling over as it opened. The stormtrooper, SF-1943, turned to look at me, head cocked to the side in confusion as I beamed up at him. 

"I want to go on a tour," I bubbled, grinning at him as I bounced on the balls of my feet. 

He didn't say anything for a moment, taking a small step back at my excitement. Finally, he sighed, waving his hand vaguely at my clothes. "You need to change first. You look like you rolled in the mud."

"Oh." I frowned, looking at my clothing for the first time. He was right - my tunic, previously a light cream color, was caked in dirt and specks of blood. The bottom hem of my pants was frayed and charred from a blaster shot that I hadn't even felt graze so closely to my skin. Similarly, my arms were dusty, and I could feel the way my braided hair was falling apart now that I took the time to consider my appearance. "Okay, I lied. I need 30 minutes, and then I want to go on a tour."

I could have sworn SF-1943 chuckled as I vanished back into the suite, but the door closed before I could be sure. I ran to the bathing room, tugging my tunic and pants off quickly before turning the water on. It heated much faster than I was used to and I relished the warm water as it washed the grime and blood from my skin. The body soap and shampoo smelled distinctly of sage and lavender - I briefly wondered how they had known my favorite scents before brushing it off as coincidence - and I quickly scrubbed away the scent of sweat and battle. 

As much as I wanted to stay under the water and revel in the exquisite pressure, I forced myself to rinse the shampoo from my hair and turn it off. The towels were extremely soft, and I sighed as I quickly wrapped my hair and dried off. I wished we had been given the luxury the First Order had back home - not home anymore - because this was fantastic. Even though my shower was short, I couldn't recall if I had ever felt this clean before. 

I padded to my room quickly, frowning as I opened the wardrobe. It was such a trivial thing, to be debating what clothing I wanted to wear, and I felt like an imposter as I perused the fabrics. I was an imposter, I supposed - I didn't belong here, would never belong here. Didn't really belong anywhere, anymore. 

Would I ever find a true home?

I shook the though off, not wanting to linger with the feeling of dread that followed. Instead, I pulled a dark green long-sleeve shirt from its hanger, throwing it on my bed behind me. The first pair of pants I picked up were tight, faux-leather looking leggings, and I wrinkled my nose at them before gently putting them back. Instead, I settled on a flowing pair of black workout pants. The material was light and airy, but not see through, and the legs were baggy until the elastic-cuffed ankle. I rummaged through the drawers until I found undergarments, and quickly pulled the outfit onto my now dry body. The last touches were a pair of black shoes, which I slipped over my feet before heading back to the bathroom to look in the mirror.

I wasn't sure what I had expected myself to look like as I pulled the towel from my head, but it wasn't the image I was greeted with. We had mirrors at the Resistance base, of course, but all of them were old, and most of them were warped in some way. I don't know the last time I had truly seen what I looked like. 

I was thinner than I had expected - I could see the definition of my muscles, but my frame was almost gaunt, cheeks hollow and collarbones poking through the neckline of my shirt. My hair, still damp from my shower, hung down to my waist. Though the shirt was meant to be tight, it hung loosely around my frame, and I had to tie the string of the pants to keep them on my hips. The thing that stuck out most to me, though, was my eyes - once lively, so close to my brother's, they now seemed dull and lifeless. The green was bland, the spark long gone. I tried to smile at myself, but it did nothing to bring the spark back. 

I didn't recognize the person I was.

I hadn't recognized myself in a long time - not since Kade had died. 

You're living with the man who murdered him now. The thought was sharp, bitter as my inner voice spat it at me. I winced at the words, looking away from my reflection quickly. 

For almost two years, I had wanted to kill Kylo Ren myself. Had wanted to watch the light disappear from my eyes as he had made it go from Kade's. It had taken a tremendous amount of self-reflection to make that anger go away - I never wanted to kill anybody, and though battle had hardened me, I still didn't want to end a life. Not even his. I was still angry, sure, and I was sure it would come back as I settled into this new life, but I couldn't bring myself to fully blame the man who had murdered my brother. Kade had chosen his own fate when he went to fight. It was part of war. 

I tried to push the thoughts of my current predicament away, didn't want to begin thinking of what Kade would say if he was still alive. There was no point in reminiscing over a ghost. Though the shadows lingered, I braided my hair and plastered a smile on my face as I made my way back to the hallway. SF-1943 was still outside, and he turned expectantly when the door opened. 

"Better?" I asked, gesturing to my now clean apparel. 

He nodded, and this time I knew he chuckled as he commented, "Much," before waving me to follow him. We made our way through the winding halls, where we finally stopped to wait for the elevator. 

"Are you in charge of guarding me?" I asked, turning slightly to look at him. He didn't answer at first, and by the way his grip tightened on his gun, I realized he probably wasn't supposed to. 

Before I could apologize, he loosened his grip and sighed, still facing the elevator door. It dinged and swooshed open, and he answered once we were inside. "Yes. My squadron and I were delegated to your care upon your arrival. We'll be cycling through your guarding, but I am the head of monitoring your whereabouts."

"Oh," I murmured, turning to look at him fully. "That's cool. I'm sorry, I'm sure this is an inconvenience to your typical schedule."

"My duty is to serve the First Order. It is not inconvenient to do what I am supposed to be doing."

The door opened before I could respond, and I was faced with a floor I hadn't yet seen. There were stormtroopers everywhere, marching back and forth across the halls. As I took it all in, SF-1943 turned to face me. "Are you ready to tour your new home?"

Chapter Text

The first thing I noticed was how relaxed this floor seemed. 

Without the presence of Kylo Ren, the stormtroopers seemed to move freely, amicably chatting as they briskly traipsed through the halls. There was laughter accompanied by broad gestures, and not a lick of fear to be found. SF-1943 began to wind through the halls, and I had to run to catch up with him once I noticed. 

"What is this?" I breathed, wide eyes taking in everything around me. 

"This is the stormtrooper floor," he responded with a laugh, waving to one of the stormtroopers as we passed. I didn't know how he told the difference between them - everybody looked the same to me. There wasn't anything I could see about their armor to differentiate between them, but clearly he knew how to tell. Would I learn how to do that? "Our bed chambers, cafeteria, and training rooms are on this floor. Outside of missions, this is where we spend ninety percent of our time."

"Does Kylo ever come down here?" I looked at him quickly before once again focusing on my surroundings. There was so much to see, each hallway branching to another wing full of stormtroopers. I didn't know where to look.

"Not often," he responded, lightly grabbing my elbow to drag me in a different direction. He released me once I got my footing, before continuing, "Commander Ren rarely leaves his floor when he is here. Only for meetings with the generals or the Supreme Leader. It's not a fun day if he decides his presence is necessary on this floor."

The mention of the Supreme Leader once again sent a chill down my spine. I didn't want to ask about him - didn't know if SF-1943 was allowed to talk about it, didn't know if I even wanted to know, so instead, I asked, "Where are we going?"

"I'm assuming you're hungry. And overwhelmed. Before we go on the full tour, I was going to take you to the cafeteria."

At the mention of food, my stomach growled, and I let out a sheepish chuckle as I felt my face warm. The cafeteria wasn't much farther, and we quickly hopped into the short line to get food. Stormtroopers milled about, some of them sitting in small groups at the tables while others disappeared down various hallways with their food. I don't know why, but I was surprised to see helmets cast to the side as the troopers ate. A few waved to SF-1943, and he waved back before turning to the woman behind the counter. I was surprised to see yet another face, uncovered by a mask as she smiled warmly at us while dishing out the food. 

Her eyes flitted to me briefly, before doing a double take, mouth falling open. "You... must be our newest guest," she whispered, eyes tracking over my figure. I had felt the gazes of the stormtroopers on me, knew they were all curiously looking at me, but nobody had said anything yet. Apparently I was hot enough gossip for everybody to know, though. I smiled softly, blush rising to my face once more as I nodded. 

She handed me my food, and I murmured a quick thank you as SF-1943 grabbed my arm again, gently tugging me away. He pulled me down a rather empty hallway, winding around the corners until we approached a wall of doors. He looked around before quickly punching a code into the door and shoving me inside the pitch black room, the whir of the metal sliding shut sealing us inside. 

"What are you-"

The lights flickering on cut off my sentence as I blinked harshly against the glare. We were in what appeared to be a small bedroom - not a suite like my own, but still nicer than the interrogation chamber I had been in. The bed was a mess, clothes scattered around a hamper, but other than the slight disorganization, the room was void of any signs of life. 

"This is my personal bedchamber. I'm sorry for not informing you of our destination, but I don't believe you are allowed to be here with me." As he spoke, SF-1943 began to take off his armor, gently setting the pieces on his bed. He paused to gesture at a small table, which I slowly took a seat at, warily watching him. 

"Why exactly did you bring me here?" My voice wavered, the fear I had been trying to hide coming out. The thought of being alone in a chamber with a stranger was disconcerting, and coupled with him currently shucking off his armor at record speed, my anxiety began to climb. 

"Don't - no - not like that," he stuttered out, embarrassment coloring his voice. "I just knew you must have been overwhelmed - I didn't want to throw you to the wolves, literally, and make you stay in the cafeteria where everybody was looking at you."

I let out a soft chuckle at his explanation, beginning to understand his intent. Though I was still wary, I hadn't felt like he was untrustworthy, even when we had met in the interrogation chamber. He felt safe, and I was relieved to see that my feeling was proving correct. "Thank you," I said. "I was a bit worried about that."

He nodded before doing something I hadn't expected - with steady hands, he removed his helmet. 

Beneath it was something I hadn't expected - despite knowing there were people under the armor, and despite seeing some faces in the cafeteria, I hadn't expected my guard to be human. A handsome face greeted me, seemingly unmarred from battle like my own was. The only indication he had that told me he had seen war was the hardened look in his blue eyes, the spark dulled by history I didn't know yet. Light brown hair flopped onto his forehead, matted down from the helmet until he ran a hand through it. His facial features were almost familiar to me, an echo of someone I used to know, and I felt a pang as I realized why.

He wasn't identical to Kade, but his face harbored the shadows of my brother within it - within the way his mouth quirked, the way his eyes scanned the room. As they landed on me, his brow furrowed, mouth turning down. "What's wrong?"

"You remind me of someone," I whispered, shaking my head and rubbing my eyes softly. "I'm sorry."

"You apologize a lot," he quipped, trying to lighten the mood. His quirked smile did something to my spirits, and I returned it softly. 

"Sorry," I said, before covering my mouth as I tried not to laugh. "I didn't mean it that time, I swear."

SF-1943 did laugh at that, a bright sound that seemed to warm the room. "I like you, prisoner," he teased before sitting down across from me and taking a bite of his food.

I did the same, melting at the flavor - they had served me bland food in the interrogation chamber, but this was rich, full of spice and flavor. I made a sound in the back of my throat before shoveling the food into my face, uncaring of how I looked as I scarfed it down. 

When I was finished, I looked at SF-1943, who's fork was still halfway to his mouth. His eyebrows were raised as he stared at me, before shaking his head and chuckling. "Noted. Get you some more food next time."

"I was hungry!" I whined, scratching the back of my neck bashfully. He just took a bite of his food, watching me with a curious look as I took a moment to look around the space. We sat in silence, me observing our surroundings, and him eating his food at a much slower pace than I had. 

After he was finished eating, he sat back in his chair, stretching his arms languidly over his head. "So. Tell me, oh highly esteemed prisoner. Why?"

I whipped around to face him, heart starting to pound in my chest. "Why what?"

"Why did you leave? The Resistance, I mean?"

I didn't answer him at first, unsure of what to say. I didn't want to give him anything that he could use against the Resistance. I opened my mouth before closing it, taking the time to carefully mull over what I could say. He didn't rush me, patiently waiting for me to speak.

"I... never planned to join the Resistance," I began, voice shaking slightly. "My brother and I, we lived a good life before. It was boring, but that was what I wanted. I didn't want to be special. When the First Order came to our village, they were looking for something. Someone, I think. And when they didn't find it, they killed everybody. 

"Kade was smart, though, he knew what to do to keep us alive. We buried ourselves in the sand. Waited it out, you know? And when everything was gone, we got out. That's when the Resistance came. They found us, and they took us in. I was only sixteen. My family had just been murdered, and I didn't have anything but Kade. Leia was as close to a mother as we were going to get, and I needed her more than anybody could have known."

SF-1943 nodded, a frown pulling at his face. "What changed?"

"Everything." My voice caught in my throat, and I had to clear it before continuing, willing the emotion to go away. "Kylo Ren joined the First Order and everything changed. Leia knew something big was coming - knew our next mission would be difficult. Kade and I had been going on missions for years at that point, though, and we thought we knew what we were doing. Thought we could handle whatever the new threat would be. When Kylo came into the picture, though, everything changed. He almost killed me, you know? That mission. He would have killed me if Kade hadn't stepped in. I may not have died that day, but Kylo Ren took a part of my soul."

I took a deep breath before going on. "I was angry for a long time. Something had changed in Leia, and everybody knew it. I was too busy warring with my own anger to see it until it was too late, though. She isn't the same person she was when I met her. She's naive, foolish. She thinks Kylo is still good, somewhere deep down, and it's cost us everything. Cost innocent civilians everything. I couldn't do it anymore. I had nothing holding me down with the Resistance, and I didn't want to watch her turn into a monster from her own naivety. I don't think either side is right anymore. The Resistance is willing to sacrifice everything in the name of winning the war, and that doesn't make them any better than the First Order."

"But I still don't understand," SF-1943 said, leaning forward. "If you don't think either side is good, why not just leave? Why not back out of the war entirely?"

I didn't know how to answer him. My brow furrowed as I fumbled for a response, before slowly speaking. "I... don't know. The First Order wants peace, in the end. I think the Resistance did too, at first, but now they just want to win. And I don't think Leia cares who gets hurt in the process."

"Supreme Leader Snoke doesn't care, either," SF-1943 pointed out, and I nodded.

"No, he doesn't. Kylo doesn't either. There is no good side here anymore. But when the side of good no longer believes in what makes them good, I don't think I'm able to reconcile with them."

SF-1943 didn't say anything, looking away from me as he nodded. We sat in silence for a few moment before I asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," he replied. 

"Did Kylo spare the civilians at the mission where I was taken?"

SF-1943 looked up at me sharply, hissing in a breath before speaking. "Yes. Any who weren't taken down in the crossfire were left alive."

"Then I chose right," I murmured, finally meeting his eye. 

-

We spent a while longer in his bed chamber before he put his armor back on and we continued on the tour. He showed me the rest of the stormtrooper's level, taking me to the training facility and showing me the dormitories. His room was off in the squad leader's wing, which was why he got his own space instead of staying in the dormitories. The next floor he took me to was full of conference rooms, and a few chambers for the higher-ups. I was not allowed to see the weapons level, or the control level, which I understood. At the end, we took the elevator back up to my new floor, but instead of heading to my suite, we took a different turn. 

The door we ended up at was the same as the others, but when SF-1943 opened it, it led to a massive training room. The far wall was lined with mirrors, the dark interior lit by redlights behind the walls. There were training dummies, various training weapons, and weights scattered along the left wall. The open space had a large mat for sparring. "This is where you'll meet with Commander Ren every morning for your training."

"Do you know what we'll be doing?" I asked, still uncertain about training with the intimidating man. 

SF-1943 shook his head before turning to the door again. "No. I'm not privy to Commander Ren's plans for you, only what you'll be doing in my care. After your morning training, you'll be with my squadron for the foreseeable future. We'll cycle you through stormtrooper training for a few weeks, and after a couple hours of that, you'll be going through various jobs around the base to see where you best fit in."

"Sounds exhausting," I joked, and SF-1943 laughed in agreement.

"You're going to be exhausted for a while," he said, making his way to my suite. "But you'll get used to it eventually. We'll figure out where you belong, and you can start to learn where your place will be here."

"Hopefully I can find somewhere," I murmured, yawning as we made it to my door. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"After your training with Commander Ren, I will be the one to collect you," SF-1943 said with a nod. 

"Okay," I whispered, smiling at him softly. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Talia," he whispered back as my door glided shut between us. 

Chapter Text

I woke the next morning to the beeping of the alarm I barely remembered setting. With a groan, I reached over and smacked the clock until it quieted, blinking my eyes to wearily check the time. 

06:00 flashed at me in bright, aggressively red numbers. 

Groaning again, I rubbed my eyes before sitting up. I slowly got out of bed, remaking the comforter before I padded softly to the bathroom. The heat of the shower was just what I needed to wake up, the pressure steady against my back as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. 

After getting dressed in a soft maroon short-sleeve and another pair of black, baggy pants, I drug myself to the kitchen, where I was thankful to see a coffee machine waiting for me. As I waited for my energy to brew, I perused through the food, settling on bread and jam for the morning - I wasn't sure what to expect today, and I didn't want my stomach to be upset. 

Nearly forty minutes after my alarm had gone off, I slumped against the kitchen counter, taking generous swigs of my coffee as I willed myself to wake up. 

I felt his presence before the door swished open, straightening my back as Kylo Ren entered my suite. He took a few steps, stopping a short distance away from me before crossing his arms. 

"Good morning," I said, not surprised when he didn't answer. We stared at each other for a moment while I finished my coffee, my eyes meeting the cold exterior of his mask, before I set the cup in the sink and followed him as he stalked down the hallway. 

I was still unsure of all of the turns, but I was proud when I knew most of the turns to get to the training room. We stepped inside, and I was grateful for the dim red lighting, so at odds with the harsh brightness of the halls. 

"We'll begin with stretching," Kylo said, his metallic voice making me jump. I nodded, slightly unsure of what to do, but I tried my best. I bent down, touching my toes, before widening my stance and shifting from one leg to the other. I crossed my arms over my chest, behind my head, and behind my back, before ending up on the floor, where I stretched my legs a little bit more. The entire time, I had been so focused on myself that I had almost forgotten Kylo was there. When I was finished and turned back to him, I was surprised to see his cloak neatly folded by the door. He still wore his black ensemble, the pants and shirt loose enough to allow him motion, but I could see how muscular he was under the clothing. 

It was nerve-wracking to be stuck in a room with someone so powerful - both figuratively and literally. He was so much bigger than I was, so much stronger purely by default. I had to trust that he didn't want to kill me - something that was proving incredibly difficult, given his history. 

"Good enough," he stated, stepping closer to me before brushing past. "Come here."

I followed silently, nerves causing my heart rate to kick up slightly. I didn't know what to expect - would he try to kill me? Pull his lightsaber out and save himself the pain of having to train with me?

The faintest presence at the back of my mind was the only warning I got before he spoke. "I'm not going to kill you."

"What the fuck?" I stopped in my tracks, staring at him with a slack jaw. 

"I can read your thoughts if you project them loud enough," he replied in a flat tone, clearly unbothered by what he had done. "You've been good at keeping them quiet - your nerves have made them louder."

"Oh," I responded dumbly, unsure of what to say. I focused on my thoughts, wondering how to keep them quieter, before deciding I should just try to put them in a... mental bubble?

As I focused on the bubble around my thoughts, Kylo turned to me. "Better," he said, before flicking his hand. From the wall, a blast came out, shooting towards me. I didn't have time to dodge it, and yelped in pain when the stinging shock hit my shoulder. 

"What the hell!" I yelled, looking down at the pain. My shirt was fine, and the sting was already beginning to fade, replaced with a dull ache. Kylo flicked his finger, and another blast came from the wall. I tried to dodge it, slightly more prepared this time, but the zinging shock brushed my hip, causing me to yelp again. 

"Stop!" I yelped, turning to face him before thinking better of it and looking at the wall. 

"Dodge them, or don't," he replied, sounding bored. "It will only hurt you if you keep letting them hit you."

His words sent a spike of anger through my chest, and I growled as the next blast came through. I almost dodged it, but the shock skittered across my arm. After that, they started to come faster, shocks blasting across my skin. He was relentless, not giving me a second to breathe, and my anger continued to build as sweat beaded across my forehead. My blood was hot, fingers shaking as I felt my emotions grow. As the next blast came, I felt it before it left the blaster - it was like I knew where it would be, what the trajectory was. As it rang across the training room, I rolled to the side, dodging the shock narrowly. I didn't have time to celebrate though, because I felt the next one coming. This continued for what felt like hours, but I was finally able to dodge most of the blasts. 

When they stopped, I gasped out a breath, turning to face Kylo. My skin was flushed, sweat dripping into my eyes, and as I brushed it away, I felt my simmering anger flow back into my fingers. "What is your problem?" I yelled, taking a step towards him. He didn't answer, instead cocking his head to the side. On instinct, I dropped to the ground as one more blast rang out, skimming an inch above my head before hitting the wall across the room. "Are you kidding me?"

"You dodged it," he stated, crossing his arms again. 

"Yeah, that's what happens when you have to learn to dodge!" I quipped back, feeling my pulse erratically in my palms. 

"You weren't looking at the wall."

I felt my anger diminish as his words hit me - I hadn't been looking at the wall. I didn't know where the shot was going to come from. Except - I had known where the shot was going to come from, had felt it in my bones. "That was - I just - muscle reflex?" I croaked out, suddenly unsure of the entire training exercise. 

"Sure," he responded, before taking a step closer to me. "Muscle reflex."

I took a half step back, suddenly wary of his looming presence. He continued on, pressing forward until I took one full step, then two, backing into the center of the training ring. 

"Except it wasn't. You forgot to shield your thoughts. You knew where the shots were coming from," he pressed, still walking closer. 

"No I didn't," I murmured, heart beating frantically in my chest. 

"You could feel it," he pushed. 

Before I could answer, his fist swung towards me, and I ducked on instinct, dropping to my knees and rolling out of the way. I stood behind him, chest heaving as he slowly turned to face me again. "That was good. You do have good reflexes."

His fist swung out again, and I ducked once more before feeling his leg kick my own from underneath me. I let out a ragged gasp as my back hit the mat, the wind knocked from my chest. 

"But you need to be able to predict what will happen," he stated, holding a gloved hand towards me. I stared at it from the ground, weighing the chances of him using it against me, before deciding to take it. "Your opponent won't use the same move twice."

He pulled me back to a standing position before letting go. I settled back into a loose defensive stance, watching him for any twitch, any indication of what was going to happen next. It was much harder with his mask, I realized - there was no facial cues to watch, no inkling of where he was looking. When he struck again, I barely dodged the blow, only to spin directly into another that caught my ribs painfully. I doubled over, wheezing as I grasped the skin that was definitely going to bruise. 

"You can do better than that."

And so began our sparring. He would throw an attack at me, and if I was lucky I would be able to dodge it. Even when I began to learn his fighting pattern, I was still steps behind him and struggling to catch up. Through it all, his quips sent me spiraling, my rage that hadn't fully receded building to a new crescendo as he mocked my strength, my lack of skill. My breaths came in short puffs as I struggled to stay up, bruises mottling my skin as he continued his assault. 

He feinted a blow, and I knew he was going to. As my rage almost boiled over, my skin began to hum, energy roiling underneath. I dodged his first blow, but instead of leaning into the second, I threw my hand up, catching his fist with an energy blast that sent both of us rocking backwards. Kylo took a staggering step backwards as I dropped to the ground, rolling over my back into a crouch. I looked at my hand with wide eyes before looking to him. "What was that...?"

"We're done for the day," he said, looking down at his own hands. "You did well."

With that, he stalked towards the door, grabbing his cloak before departing without another word. I winced as I stood up, staring at the door curiously before looking down at my own hands once more. 

What had just happened?

The soft whir of the door had my head snapping towards it, hoping it was Kylo returning to tell me what had happened. Of course it wasn't, and I couldn't keep the disappointment off my face as SF-1943 came into the room, stopping to stare at my battered appearance. 

"You look like shit," he said, taking his helmet off slowly as he looked me over. 

I snorted, rolling my eyes at him as I made my way towards the door. "Feel like it. Do I have time to shower again?"

He looked at the holo built into his arm before nodding. "You've got about an hour before we need to meet with the squadron."

"Alright," I said, instantly brightening at the thought of a nice hot shower. "Come on, then, let me give you the tour."

He laughed, walking beside me as we wound our way back to my suite. Inside, I gestured broadly with my arms, wincing at the burn of my muscles. "Welcome to my home. You, my fine armored friend, are always welcome inside. If you want to stay in here while I shower, that's fine."

"Do you want me to make you something to eat?" He asked, setting his helmet on the counter. Since there was nobody else on this floor, he had been able to keep it off while we walked back to my suite. I nodded emphatically, grinning in thanks as I turned to the bathing chamber. 

"Whatever you want to make," I called. "Make something for yourself too if you want!"

-

I didn't think I would ever get used to the showers here. After I had dried off and dressed in non-sweaty clothes, I made my way back to the kitchen, where SF-1943 had just finished making eggs and toast. I scarfed mine down quickly, laughing as he stared at me with a concerned look before shaking his head. "Nobody should be able to eat that fast," he murmured, before slowly eating his own toast. 

We made our way to the elevator, talking about what the day had in store. We were going to meet the rest of the squadron now, and then straight into training drills. It was going to be a learning experience for everybody - they were going to figure out how to incorporate me into their drills, and I was going to learn, well, everything. I was excited to learn how to shoot the blasters. I had previously had an old model with the Resistance, but the newer models were bigger, and much nicer looking than mine. 

"You'll learn names eventually, but I'll give you the rundown of my squad now," SF-1943 said as the elevator began to move. "SF-1127 is second in command. He can be a bit of a dick, but he'll warm up to you. FN-6650 is a big baby at heart - he's good at what he does, don't get me wrong, but he's a softie. TK-3914 is about as nice as 1127, but she's going to like you because you're a girl. As long as you can hold your own, that is - she won't like it if you need coddling. FX-2210 is the real prize, though. Kids got spirit, I'll give him that. Youngest of the group and a damn pain in the ass, but he makes us all a little younger."

I smiled at his description, the way his face lit up as he talked about his squad. They were his family, I could tell - by the way he smiled as he thought of their personalities, I knew he would die for them in a heartbeat. Instantly, my pulse quickened, and I gulped nervously. What if they didn't like me? I didn't belong here, we all knew it. I was an outsider, disrupting the system they had built. 

My thoughts continued to wonder, and before I knew it, we were walking into the stormtrooper training room. It was mostly empty - two other squadrons already running drills, and four stormtroopers standing in a tight circle talking. When SF-1943 cleared his throat, they all straightened, turning to face him. One of them cocked his head to the side curiously at me before looking expectantly towards SF-1943. 

"Good morning scoundrels," SF-1943 said, pulling a chuckle from one of the troopers. "This is Talia - our newest squad addition, and prisoner-adjacent."

It was silent for a moment, and I felt like everybody was sizing me up. I began to fidget nervously under their gazes, eyes dropping to the floor before a voice snapped my attention back to them. The one on the far right was bouncing on the balls of his feet, fingers twitching excitedly. "A new girl! Thank God, you guys were getting boring. I'm FX-2210, but they just call me 22 - it's a lot shorter. Especially when they're yelling at me - full name is reserved for when I fuck shit up bad."

I couldn't help but laugh at the kid - FX-2210, the youngest of the group. SF-1943's expression had absolutely melted when talking about him, and I could see why. He was lively, full of energy, something this place seemed to consistently lack. "It's nice to meet you," I said, reaching out to shake his now - spasming? No, just excited - hand. 

"Let's go," the one on the left said, holding out a standard blaster for me. My smile dropped as I slowly took the gun from him, confusion marring my features. He gestured for me to follow him over to an empty wall, framed by individual blinds on either side. "You're going to cycle through some guns. Shoot the target as close to the head as you can."

I nodded, taking a deep breath as the hologram came to life. The one who had handed me the gun - SF-1127, if I had to guess - typed something into the holopad before the hologram flashed, setting up targets. Once I lifted the gun, they began to move. 

My first shot was low, striking around the shoulder joint. I winced, readjusting my grip before turning to the next. I allowed myself a moment to pause, letting the target move as I focused on the gun in my hands. 

"Today, please," a feminine voice called from behind me, stirring some irritation in my chest. I used the energy to my advantage, forcing it into my focus as I honed in on the next target. With a small exhale, I shot, hitting the target in the skull. My next shots were rapid, one after the other, each hitting its mark. As the hologram faded away, I lowered my gun, flicking the safety off before turning to the group. 

They all stared at me - I couldn't see their expressions, so I didn't know what they were feelings, but I didn't have time to ponder it before SF-1127 snapped his fingers. "Rifle," he said, and the girl - TK-3914 - went to grab one. She handed it to me as he finished punching something into the holopad, and this time, when the hologram turned on, the targets were a bit further away. I allowed my nervous energy to channel through my body, taking a deep breath, before shooting. 

Again.

Again.

Again.

This time, I didn't mess up.

"Damn," 22 whistled as I lowered my gun. "She's got one hell of a shot, TK."

"Carbine," SF-1127 snapped, and the gun was handed to me. 

Again, the hologram came to life, and again, I shot. 

"Sniper," SF-1127 demanded, his tone becoming harsh. I flinched, unsure of why he seemed irritated at me. TK-3914 handed me the sniper without a word. 

"Are you sure?" This voice was new, and I could only assume it was FN-6650. "I don't think she's ever had sniper training, 27. Do you really want to-"

"Let her do it," TK-3914 replied, cooly cutting him off. "Let's see what she's got."

The sniper was heavier than the other guns, the scope much deeper. As the hologram came to life, the targets were so small I struggled to make them out with just my eyes, but as I brought the sniper scope into focus, they became clear. 

"Don't worry about headshots with these," SF-1943 said, coming to stand at my side. "It took TK forever to get headshots down, and she's the only one who can."

I didn't answer him, my irritation beginning to bubble over. Had I not proved I was a good shot already? SF-1127 was irritated at me for some reason, and TK-3914 didn't seem to think I could do it. Just because I wasn't First Order-born didn't mean they were better than me. 

I ignored SF-1943, my irritation coursing through my blood before I reigned it in. My next four shots were perfect. 

Headshots.

Behind me, 22 whistled again, slowly clapping as I lowered the gun. I turned to face them, irritation vanishing when I saw SF-1127 nodding his approval and TK-3914 looking at me with her head cocked to the side.

"Proved myself yet?" I asked, unable to mask the bit of snark that tinged my voice. 

TK-3914 laughed, coming up to clap a hand on my shoulder. "Consider yourself halfway proven. Killer shot."

I smirked at her, grateful that she no longer seemed disinterested in me. As I was about to respond, SF-1943 cleared his throat. Again, all four of them snapped to face him, and I saw how much they respected him as their leader. Nobody spoke, or fidgeted, just waited for direction. 

"Let's run some new formation drills," he said, excitement coloring his voice. "You guys can figure out how to fit Talia in while we play shock-blast."

"Ugh," 22 groaned, rubbing his hand on his helmeted face. "I hate shock-blast! I'm terrible at dodging!"

"You'll be fine," TK-3914 quipped at him, lightly smacking him upside the head. As the others ribbed at him, we slowly made our way to the other side of the training room, where various blockades were set up. SF-1943 separated from the group, off to do whatever he was planning, while myself and the others got into formation behind a blockade. 

SF-1127 headed the group, with TK-3914 on his left side and FN-6650 on his right. To the right of him, 22 fell in, and I took a position behind TK-3914. 

"Go!" SF-1943's voice was far away, but still rang out clear. Instantly, the group began to move. I tried to stay close, looking left and right as we cleared the way forward. Somewhere ahead, a blaster went off, and I heard the zing of the shockbolt before it hit FN-6650 in the shoulder, causing him to yelp. 

This is just like the wall, I thought to myself as the others tightened the formation. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting my nerves redirect to my mind as I tried to do what I had done earlier, tried to feel for the shock. I felt the next one a moment before it grazed TK-3914's hip, causing her to hiss a curse.

We moved to the next blockade, unsure of where SF-1943 was. I felt him, though, somewhere off to the right, and a second before the blaster rang out, I pulled 22 to the side. The blast barely missed him, hissing on the ground where he had just been standing. "What the-"

"Duck!" I hissed to TK-3914, who followed my command on instinct. The whiz of the shockbolt flew over our heads, and I swear I felt it singe some of the hairs on my head. 

"How are you doing that?" 22 asked, voice laced with awe. 

"I don't - right! - know. I learned how to do it this morning!" My response was interrupted by another shockbolt as I pushed FN-6650 to the left, clearing the way for another shock to hit the ground. 

SF-1127 whirled to face me at that, and though I couldn't see his face, I could feel the confusion. "Where were you this morning?"

"Training," I responded. I felt the whiz of another shockbolt and shoved him forward, the shock zipping against my arm and causing me to hiss in pain. 

"With 1943?"

"No, I didn't see him until after," I said, sweat beginning to form on my brow as I concentrated. We continued moving forward, confidently making our way towards 1943's position. 

"Who were you with, then?" His voice was hard, laced with confusion as I continued to maneuver the team out of the line of fire. 

We paused behind the final blockade, and I took a moment to collect myself. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the hairs off my face, wincing at the amount of sweat dripping off my forehead. "I was with Kylo," I huffed, still trying to catch my breath.

At that moment, SF-1943 rounded the corner, blaster still in hand. "I don't know what the hell you guys were doing, but that was the least amount of pain I've ever heard from a game of shock-blast."

"This one," TK-3914 said, gesturing towards me, "is apparently blessed with precognition."

"Huh?" SF-1943 turned to me, cocking his head to the side. 

"I did something similar in training this morning," I said with a shrug. He seemed to still at that, before clapping his hands together and abruptly changing the subject. 

"Well, good work! We're done for the day, that was a brutal few hours of training. Good job guys."

I sighed in relief, letting my shoulders slump as I leaned against the blockade. The day had been more intense than I had expected, and I could feel the burn in my muscles from the amount of movement. 

"Good work today," TK-3914 said, coming to lean on the wall next to me. "I wasn't sure what to expect from you, but you're damn good at this."

"Thanks," I said, brushing the hair from my face again as I turned to look at her. 

"We're all going to get drinks later tonight, if you want to come," she offered. "I'll be on your guard when everybody else is heading down, so if you could say yes, that would be great."

I laughed at that, shaking my head. I had forgotten that these were the people assigned to watch me. "Sounds great," I replied. "I'd say let me know where, but you can just show me later."

She scoffed out a small laugh, and I felt my grin brighten. As she shook her head and walked away, I felt accomplished. I had been worried when we started, but it seemed I had proved myself to the group - most of them, at least. To the side, SF-1943 and SF-1127 talked in hushed whispers, both of them turning to look at me every now and then. Once they finished their conversation, SF-1943 stalked over to me, gesturing for me to follow him out of the training room.

We walked back to my room silently, until we got out of the elevator. "They like you," he said, rounding the corner. "1127 is a bit concerned about how you're so good at everything, but it's really none of his business."

"I don't really know how I am," I offered shyly. "I can just... feel how things are supposed to be, I guess? My training this morning was brutal until I figured it out."

He shook his head at that, seemingly not knowing what to say. As we approached my room, he slowed. "TK invited you for drinks, right?" 

"Yes," I replied, leaning heavily against the door. "I was going to take a nap before we met you guys, if that's okay?"

"Of course." He pressed the button for my door, gesturing for me to go in. "My shift is over in about an hour, but she'll be out here when you wake up. I'll see you later, Talia."

"See you later," I said with a small smile, before closing the door. I didn't even bother to shower before climbing into my bed, the weight of the day heavy on my mind. Before I could begin to process what had happened, I was already asleep.

Chapter Text

I startle awake to a faint knocking on my door. Though groggy, I jump up, rushing through the hallway to the door. It hisses open to reveal TK-3914, standing stiff-backed at the door.

"Well good morning, sleepy head," she says dryly, causing me to groan and roll my eyes. "You've got an hour to look presentable before we head out."

"Come in," I say through a yawn, beckoning her inside. "Do you need to get ready still?"

"I might steal your mirror to do some makeup," she responds, and I nod before pointing as we walk.

"Kitchen, if you want food. Bathing room through there, but I need to shower really quick before you steal it. Extra bedroom, my room. Welcome to my humble mansion," I joke, turning back just as she takes her helmet off. Her dark brown hair is pleated in a tight braid against her head, a hairstyle that suites her sharp cheekbones and prominent eyes. She's smiling at me, though I can tell she's wary of my reaction to her face. 

"Damn," I whistle, taking in her striking features. "You're gonna have to teach me how to look like that after wearing a helmet all day."

At this, she laughs, a vibrant, bright sound. She follows me into my bedroom, where I motion for her to throw her helmet on the bed before going to my closet and picking out an outfit. This time, I opt for the faux-leather pants and a tanktop, grabbing a light jacket to throw overtop. 

"Make yourself at home," I say as I make my way to the bathing chamber. I take yet another disappointingly quick shower, before wrapping my hair in a towel, drying, and changing into the clothes I had brought with me. I look at my figure in the mirror, still taken aback by the gaunt woman before me. I need to start eating more.

When I go back into my room, TK-3914 has propped a small portable mirror on the nightstand, and I watch as she quickly draws on winged eyeliner. "I like that outfit," she comments, barely looking at me as she continues to put her makeup on. 

"Thank you," I respond, grinning as I watch her. "Should I be putting that on too? I've never been out for drinks before."

"What?!" Her mouth drops open, and she finally turns to look at me fully. "How have you never been out for drinks before?"

I shrug, blush rising on my cheeks. "We didn't have bars in the Resistance. Or makeup. Or really anything like this place."

"Oh, no, we're gonna change that now. Sit," she commands, pointing to the space next to her. I obey, sinking onto the bed as she rummages through a small bag before pulling a few makeup products out. As she shows them to me, she explains what they are. "Mascara. Eyeliner. Eyebrow gel. I don't think you really need anything else, but we can experiment later. This shit is the only thing that makes me feel like a woman here."

I smile at her, timidly moving closer as she tells me to close my eyes and begins to put the makeup on. The eyebrow gel is cold against my skin, the eyeliner a weird feeling, and I swear she almost pokes my eye out when she puts the mascara on. By the end, I'm fighting against the stinging in my eyes from the foreign sensation so close to them, and she's chuckling at my reaction. 

"There you go," she says, turning the mirror towards me so I can see. "Much better."

I have to agree with her. For the first time since getting here, I feel like a girl again. She pulls the towel from my hair gently before combing through it with her fingers, pulling it into a tight braid down the center of my head. I watch as she makes it match her own hair, and I feel a sense of belonging like I never thought I would. She was acting like she... cared about me, like she wanted me to feel good. And I wanted her to. Wanted to care about her, too.

"All done," she whispered, pulling an elastic around my braid. She smiled at me through the mirror before packing her things away. "And just in time! Come on, you ready to go get drunk?"

"I guess," I say, sheepishly smiling at her. She quickly pulls back on her arm armor before tucking her helmet in at her side. 

"Gotta keep it on me," she states as we head out the door. "Just in case something happens. Technically I'm allowed to go get drinks, but I'm also 'technically' on duty to watch you right now."

"I promise I will attempt to be on my best behavior," I reply, raising my right hand in the air. She laughs as the door glides shut behind us, and we make our way to the bar. 

-

The bar is extremely busy.

I had expected there to be some people in it, but I hadn't expected it to be completely full. My nerves spike slightly as we enter, but TK-9314 quickly spots the rest of the squadron, and we make our way over to them. I am sandwiched between 22 and SF-1943, the former leaning his head on my shoulder affectionately before chugging the drink in front of him. 

All of them look much different than I had expected. SF-1943 and TK-3914 are the only familiar faces - SF-1127 is crisp, even out of uniform. His light blond hair and bright blue eyes are almost offputting, and the way his sharp jaw is always set makes me think he never stops thinking. FN-6650 is burly, with tanned, round cheeks and a head full of curly black hair that frames kind eyes. 22 is younger than I thought he would be - sandy hair frames a boyish face, his button nose wrinkling every time he laughs. His vibrant green eyes are startlingly alert, though, taking in his surroundings even as he seems to constantly rib at everybody. 

"I missed you guys!" He slurs, clearly already intoxicated. I laugh, patting him softly on the shoulder before looking at TK-9314 with wide eyes. She rolls her eyes, shaking her head at the boy next to me. To her right, SF-1127 slides into the booth with a small tray of drinks - 6 shots, and 6 full drinks. 

"I wasn't sure what we would want," he says to the table, "so I just got two drinks for everybody."

Around me, everyone cheers, 22 throwing his hands up dramatically. SF-1943 smiles at him as SF-1127 hands out drinks to all of us, nodding to me as he puts two in front of me. 

Everybody picks up the shot, and I tentatively follow suit. "Cheers," SF-1943 says, "to our newest addition."

"Cheers, Talia!"

TK-3914 smiles at me before everybody tosses their drinks back, and I do the same. As the bitter alcohol slides down my throat I wince, coughing once I've swallowed it all. At my side, SF-1943 laugh at me, patting me on the back. "This is terrible," I groan, wrinkling my nose at the glass. 

"You'll like it in about twenty minutes when you feel great," he says in my ear, throwing his arm over my shoulders. I shake my head in disgust before trying the other drink in front of me. It's sweet, with fruity flavors that are much better than the shot. I drink it faster than I probably should, because SF-1943 is right - about 20 minutes later, my head starts to swim a little bit, and my chest feels very warm. Suddenly, everybody is ten times funnier, and I find myself feeling much bolder. 

During a lull in the conversation, as I nurse the next drink that had been brought out, I look at everybody. I've spent more time tonight talking to each of them, and while SF-1127 still seems wary of me, the others have all quickly warmed up to me. FN-6650 even said that he liked my name, stumbling over the words while a blush rose to his round cheeks. 

Names. I have a name. How come they don't have names?

My words are slightly slurred, but still coherent as I look at the others with a serious expression. "How come you guys don't have names?"

Everybody looks at me for a moment, nobody saying anything, and I frown at all of them before turning to SF-1943, leaning slightly against him as I try to meet his gaze. 

"Names don't belong to troopers," he says carefully. "We're a unit. We only need our designation."

"Well I don't like that," I pout, crossing my arms. "I don't want to be the only one with a name."

"Are you saying you're going to name us?" TK-3914 teases from across the table, though I can see a hint of sadness creeping into her eyes. 

I shake my head emphatically, leaning further into SF-1943. "Nope. Nuh uh. You get to name yourselves. Right now."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

To my left, 22 chimes in first. "I want to be named... uh... Milo!"

I wrinkle my nose at his choice, but nod my head in agreement. "Milo, then."

Across from him, FN-6650 clears his throat before shyly saying, "Trevor."

"Claire," TK-3914 says. 

To my right, SF-1943 speaks. "Max."

Fianlly, everybody turns to SF-1127. He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, but answers. "Rylan."

"Yay!" I cheer, clapping my hands together. "Now we can all have names!"

SF-1943 - Max - wraps his arm tighter around my shoulders, setting his chin on top of my head for a moment before pulling away. There's a sadness in his eyes, but he's also smiling, so I think he's happy. "Yes, Talia, we all have names now. It's about time to get you to bed, though. You've still got to train tomorrow morning with Commander Ren."

"Ugh, I pout, crossing my arms dramatically even as I work my way out of the booth with him. "Goodnight everybody! MiloTrevorClaireRylan! I'll see you later!"

All of them wave at me, even Rylan, though he looks disinterested in watching me leave. I stumble slightly behind Max, who is walking much better than I am, but still using the wall for support. When he slows down for me, I wrap an arm around his waist, his own arm coming around my shoulders again, and we make our way to the elevator in silence. The ride goes much faster than I thought it would, and before I know it, we're already making our way towards my room. 

"I don't think I've ever been drunk before," I slur to him, leaning into his side as we round a corner. 

He laughs, the sound bouncing off the walls. "Well, I think you're a pretty fun drunk. We're going to have to build up your tolerance, though."

We round the final corner, and sluggishly make our way to my door, disentangling from each other. As I'm about to press the button, I feel his presence growing closer - how do I do that? - and I pause, turning in the direction he feels like he's coming from. Max watches me curiously before he hears the footsteps, straightening his posture as fear washes over his face. I quickly press the button to my suite, opening the door and shoving him through before stepping into the doorway myself just as Kylo rounds the corner. 

I wave at him from my door and he stalks over, coming to a halt in front of me. "Where is your guard?"

I wince at his metallic voice, frowning at the detachment. "Max is inside," I say slowly. "You said I'm allowed to let people in."

I can hear the slur in my words, and I know he can too, because he cocks his head curiously at me. Something in my chest tightens, and I feel the need to be closer to him - he's scary, why? - so I take a step out of my doorframe, making sure I leave a respectful amount of space between us. 

"Do I still have to wake up early for training tomorrow?"

"Yes," he says, and I swear I can feel the frown in his voice.

I pout, leaning back against the wall to steady myself. "Dang it. I was really hoping you would say no."

"I will see you at seven tomorrow morning," he says curtly, before turning and stalking away.

"Goodnight!" I call out, giggling as I turn back into my suite. 

He doesn't answer, but his steps falter just a bit.

-

The next morning, I wake with the worst headache I've every experienced. The screeching of my alarm makes me wince, slapping my hand against it until it is quiet. 

I get up slowly, trudging to the bathroom. I debate leaving the lights off, but after almost tripping on the rug, I turn them on with a hiss before stepping into the hot shower. I take my time, slowly washing the scent of alcohol off my skin and letting the heat warm me awake before getting out. I throw on an outfit similar to what I had worn yesterday - baggy black pants, the same shoes, and a maroon long-sleeve shirt - before dragging myself to the kitchen. As I round the corner, I feel him, internally groaning. I must be running behind. 

Sure enough, standing awkwardly in the kitchen with his arm crossed, Kylo watches me through his mask. I can feel his glare as he mutters, "You're late."

"It's only -" I check the clock above the stove "- six forty-five. I still have fifteen minutes."

He sighs, the sound audible through his mask, and I glare at him as I turn the coffee pot on. I still have fifteen minutes to get ready. He can wait for me to make my coffee.

I turn the lights on in the kitchen, groaning as the brightness pierces my skull. I drag a hand to my head to try to alleviate the pounding ache, and behind me, I hear Kylo hiss a breath. "You drank too much," he says curtly, to which I glare at him again.

"I am aware," I snap, irritation rising in my chest. It feels amplified, like there's more there than usual, and I don't know why. Maybe that's a side-effect of alcohol? I chug my coffee quickly before following his pounding steps out of the suite and to the training room. 

"Stretch," he demands. 

I do, running through the same system I had done the previous day, wincing at the slight burn in my muscles. He points in front of the blaster wall, and I sigh as I step in front of it, prepared for the same system as the day before. It's easier to feel where the blasts are going to come from, though, and I only get hit by the first one. After a short time, he stops me, and I can feel some sort of pride coming off of him.

"Good. You learn quickly. We can try something different later today."

I turn to face him, expecting him to set off another blast, but he doesn't instead dropping into his sparring position. I take up the same approach and again, we begin the same system as yesterday. It's easier to feel where he's going to strike, and I am relying heavily on the predictability of his movements, so I don't expect it when a low kick sweeps me off my feet. 

"You're working off of what you expect. Don't do that," he quips, not offering me a hand this time. I growl in annoyance as I push myself up before we resume. 

Instead of focusing on what I think he will do, I try to feel  for it, the same way I can feel for the shockbolts. It works marginally better - he's too quick for me to do anything but block him, but he doesn't land anything on my already tender ribs, which I count as a win. That sense of pride continues to grow, radiating off of him as I block hit after hit. We dance around each other, neither backing down, until I am a panting mess and have to take a step back to swipe the sweat from my brow before it goes into my eyes. 

"Good," he states, not even the slightest bit out of breath. I'm slightly irritated at how in shape he is compared to me, but I don't let it show. 

"I don't feel good," I groan, wiping my brow again. "You're so much faster than I am."

He nods once. "Yes. I've been training for far longer than you have. Your speed and endurance will come with practice and time."

"Why am I training to fight you, anyways? Aren't I on your side now? And if I wasn't why would you want me to be able to fight you?"

He stares at me for a moment before pacing away. "You are a part of the First Order now, yes. But you are much more valuable than just a stormtrooper, and you need to be trained as such. The stormtroopers won't trust you, either, and if you can fight me, then you'll be able to overpower any of them should any... harm come your way."

I thought back to the stormtroopers I had been around. Other than my new squad, I had gotten some curious looks, sure, but nobody seemed to be out for my blood. I shrugged it off, though - better to be safe than sorry, I suppose. 

"Okay. What next?"

"We're going to try something new today," he says slowly, before doing something I didn't expect: he seats himself on the mat, gesturing for me to do the same. I do so warily, watching him carefully as I tuck my legs under my body about two feet away from him. He offers no further explanation until I feel that familiar pressure at the base of my skull, wincing as I try to slam up the protective bubble I had used yesterday. The effort causes my head to throb violently, making me whimper in pain. 

"You can feel that, can't you?" He asks, leaning forward slightly. "You can feel me using the Force to get into your mind."

"Yes," I hiss, squinting my eyes at him through the pain. 

"Your blocking is good for someone who's never learned how to do it," he comments, receding from my mind as I sigh in relief. My headache has come back stronger than before, but it's lessened now that he's not trying to break through the barrier. "Most people can't feel what I'm doing, let alone keep me out."

I say nothing, focusing on keeping my thoughts contained in the sphere I've made. Again, I feel him prodding at my mind, and I wince, desperately reinforcing the barrier against him.

"Let me in," he says softly, but I shake my head. "Let me see something."

"No," I respond through gritted teeth. "You'll look for the Resistance, and I refuse to share it."

"I won't look today," he says, and I can almost feel the sincerity in his words. "You can choose what to show me. Show me your night with SF-1943's squadron. Work on keeping me out of everything but that night."

My eyes are squeezed shut as I try to do what he's asked. Before letting him in, I reinforce everything but the previous night, imagining it all sealing away, even from me. I push my new squadron to the forefront before allowing the tiniest gap to come through. 

As he slowly pushes into my mind, I feel the pressure expand before receding, taking most of my headache with it. It feels almost... right to have him there. Everything in my mind screams to get him out, but my body and soul say that he is safe. I push memories of the night at him in order - taking a shot, bantering with the squad, leaning against Max. I show him their names, and though I can feel his apprehension at the subject, he seems curious more than anything. Just as I feel like my barrier is about to shatter, he withdraws from my mind, leaving me gasping for air. 

"You gave them names. Why?"

"I...felt like...they deserved them," I say through panted breaths, trying to slow my erratic pulse. "Everybody deserves a....name."

"Very well," he states, slowly rising from the ground. "We're done for today. You'll have the rest of the day to do as you please."

He departs the room swiftly, leaving me panting on the floor as Max comes in, a worried look etched onto his face. "You alright, sunshine?"

I nod at him, gratefully accepting the hand he holds out as he pulls me up. "Hungry," I bite out, and he laughs before pulling me out of the room. We make our way back to my suite, where I am surprised to see the rest of the squadron waiting for us. 

"Max said you have better food up here than the dining hall," Milo says, beaming at me innocently. 

"I probably do," I laugh, exhaustion creeping over me. "Come on, then, let's go eat. Since Max said my food is so good, he can cook for all of you."

The squad laughs, piling into my suite as I make my way to the bathing chamber. I look back at Max, who nods at me, before disappearing into the shower. 

-

Feeling clean and refreshed, I toweled my hair off in my room to the sounds of laughter filling my suite. The occasional clang of pots and plates made me giggle as I threw on a comfortable sweatshirt and loose pants before padding back out to the living space. Instantly, I slapped a hand over my mouth at the scene before me. 

Rylan stood in the corner, arms crossed and a stern look on his face that was dulled by the twitching of his lips. On the counter, Claire sat criss-crossed with a bagel in one hand, and a spatula with the other. In front of her, Milo desperately tried to reach for her bagel, letting out groans every time she smacked him in the head with the spatula until Trevor finally slid him a plate of his own. Max stood by the stove, flipping eggs and humming as if nothing was going on behind him. 

The sound of my laugh made all of them whip around, and Milo brightly waved at me with a bagel half-shoved into his face. "Hey, Tali," he said, the words muffled by the bread. I laughed again, waving back at him with a roll of my eyes before making my way into the kitchen with them. I came to a stop beside Max, watching as he carefully flipped the eggs in the pan. 

"Are you ignoring them on purpose, or is this just that normal?"

"Unfortunately, this is daily life," he responded with a chuckle. "At least your suite has space - try putting these heathens in my room." 

I shook my head at the though, grimacing. I didn't even know them well yet, and I knew that was a bad idea. 

As Max finished cooking the late breakfast, we fell into amicable silence around the counter. Everybody was content, even Rylan, though he still stood a bit outside of the group. I found myself looking at them and smiling, thinking back on my old friends. I had had Poe and Irena, but after Kade died that was it. Nobody else had really given me the time of day, hadn't cared enough to try and worm their way into my life. Even when I started to get better, started wanting to let people in more, nobody made an effort. Poe and Irena had been enough, but I had always wanted more. More friends, more family, someone to fill the void Kade had left in his wake. 

Now, as I stood, surrounded by these strangers that had taken me in, I felt the chance growing - to have that family that I had so desperately craved but never been offered. I could build a life here with people who seemed to get me, to accept me for who I was, to trust my choices even though the didn't know me. I felt a fierce love building for the group currently eating in my suite, and I wasn't opposed to the feeling. 

After we ate, we spent the rest of the afternoon lazing about the suite. At one point, Max and Rylan had left to get some games, and when they came back, they had brought pillows, blankets, and bags - "we thought a sleepover would be fun!" - before turning the dining area into one massive fort. The dining table was pushed to the side, pillows and blankets thrown onto the floor to make one giant, puffy bed, and as the lights dimmed for the evening, I found myself sandwiched in the middle of the group, a hologram projecting a new movie onto the wall. 

To my left, Rylan and Milo were locked in what appeared to be a very serious game of cards, though I hadn't bothered to learn how to play. I was tucked into Claire's side, and Max stretched out over both of us and Trevor, on the other side of Claire, as we watched the movie quietly playing. Trevor was already asleep, snoring softly with his chin tucked under the blanket. I let a hand run softly through Max's hair as my own eyes started to drift shut. 

"What are you training with Commander Ren for?"

The question cuts through the peace of the room, jolting me from my near-sleep. I turn to look at Milo, who hasn't looked up from his card game, but I can feel that his focus is on me. 

"Milo," Claire hisses, reaching over me to swat at his head. 

"No, it's okay," I laugh, patting her shoulder gently. "I'm not really sure, to be honest."

Milo huffs, pulling his gaze from the cards. "It's just weird, is all. Commander Ren never trains anybody. I'm not like, jealous, or anything, I swear, it's just interesting. What have you guys been doing?"

"Not much," I answer somewhat truthfully. "A lot of agility. And sparring. Today he was doing some weird thing with my mind."

"What?" Rylan's voice is sharp, his brow furrowing as he turns to me. 

I shrug, "I don't know. He was teaching me how to show him parts of my memories without showing him everything."

Max curls to look at me then, shaking my hand from his hair as he sits up, eyes still half-closed. "S'cause you can feel the Force, isn't it?"

"Feel the Force?" I asked, brow wrinkling in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Noticed it during training. You can feel it in the air," he stated, not at all sounding surprised. 

I stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to say. I couldn't feel the Force - I wasn't gifted like Leia, couldn't tune into it like she could. I certainly couldn't use it, and I was grateful Max didn't even try to suggest it. But... He was right. I could feel the shockbolts before they were close to us, I think before he had even fired. "I can't feel the Force," I replied firmly, shaking my head at the thought. 

Max grunted in response, not convinced by my words. As everybody finally settled in for the night, I lay in the middle of the group, staring blankly at the ceiling. I couldn't feel the Force. Leia would have known if I could, would have told me, showed me how to do it better. I was just good at predicting things, that's all. 

Thoughts continued to swirl in my mind, and as I fell into a restless sleep, my last thought was of Kylo's Force presence in my mind.

Chapter Text

The next few days were a blur of monotony that I hadn't realized I had missed until I had it again. Wake up, train with Kylo, train with the squad, and spend the evening's winding down in either the cafeteria or my suite. It had become an unspoken rule that whoever was on guard duty overnight would sleep in the spare bedroom, and more often than not, at least one of the others joined us. It was far easier to share the space than I would ever admit, and I truly enjoyed the constant company. 

Kylo hadn't eased up on our training, but he hadn't made it much harder, either. The first half was spent running various drills - not the shockbolts anymore, it was too easy to predict them - before we sparred. Kylo was still much faster than I was, and I had yet to land an offensive hit on him, but I was getting better at defending against his unpredictable strikes. The hardest part was the mental training that followed. 

Usually, he would have me replay the memories of the previous night while he poked and prodded at my barriers. He offered suggestions on how to reinforce them, how to make them blend more seamlessly into my mind, trying to make them as undetectable as possible. Each session would end with sweat dripping down my brow and a splitting headache to accompany it. 

The rest of the days were spent with my squad - group formation training was only becoming easier as I grew closer to them. There were moments where we would all remember I was not fully a part of the team - Rylan would call out a command sequence I didn't know, Milo would instinctively turn to guard where I already was, Trevor would stumble into me when turning corners - but overall, we were developing a rhythm I hadn't anticipated. Claire and I were in charge of shooting drills, as we had nearly equally-matched aim. She was much more stoic in her training, requiring more discipline from the others than I needed. Our opposing styles seemed to work, though, because I had noticed a marked difference in the accuracy of my team. 

 Throughout the remainder of my days, I found myself looking for Kylo. After my chat with the squad, I had been trying to build the confidence to ask him - what he saw in me, if I was Force-sensitive, and if I was, why he was wasting the time to reinforce my mind. Every time I thought I had mustered enough courage, though, I faltered, slamming my mental shields up further to keep the question away from him. If he knew I was thinking it, he didn't let on, which I was both frustrated and relieved at. 

I had planned to ask him today, nearly a week after the conversation, but he had abruptly cancelled training the night before. A mission was going out today, the first that required his presence since I had arrived on the base. I was thankful that I wasn't going with him, not wanting to dredge up memories of my past - not wanting to risk seeing anybody from my past. 

Instead, I threw myself further into my squad training, using the mental break to focus entirely on them. I hadn't realized how drained I was after training with Kylo until I put my full mental focus into our drills - suddenly, everything seemed to click into place, and we had the least amount of slip-ups yet. Rylan even complimented me on my ability to maintain formation - a nod of his head, which was the most I'd ever gotten out of him training-wise. After we were finished, we spent the day lazing in my room, a perk of the larger mission team going out. There wasn't much to do on base but wait, and we were happy to comply. 

When Max received word on his holopad that the mission was successfully completed, we decided to go to the cafeteria for dinner. The squad wanted to hear the details, and as much as I was worried about my former friends, I too wanted to hear how things had gone, if we were successful in... whatever we were trying to do right now. I realized with a start that nobody had bothered to fill me in on what the First Order was currently trying to accomplish, and I felt a twinge of disappointment at it. I knew I wasn't trustworthy yet, knew that I was still an outsider, but I wanted to be included in the plans. Wanted to be needed.

It was hard to feel needed on a base with hundreds of thousands of soldiers. 

The walk to the cafeteria was short, easier now that I had figured out my way. I knew how to get to the stormtrooper floor, Kylo's training room, and the medical rooms without much trouble. I hadn't learned where anything else was, but I found that I didn't really need it. I was perfectly content with my minuscule knowledge of the base for now. 

As we waited in line to get our food, my squad talked anxiously among one another. They had friends that had gone out on the mission, and though we knew it was a success, there were always casualties - everybody wanted to make sure their friends were still alive. As they talked, I scanned the cafeteria, taking note of just how few troopers were in the room. We were a little earlier than dinner rush, but still, there were normally full tables. As I squinted at the near-empty room, I felt my own nervousness begin to well up. Why were so many gone? What exactly was on this mission?

I followed the others to a table, opening my mouth to ask my questions, but I was abruptly cut off by the growing thud of boots down the halls. 

"They're back," Milo yipped, throwing his hands into the air joyously. He beamed at all of us before turning to the onslaught of troopers now entering the cafeteria, eyes scanning over the group until he found who he was looking for with a sigh of relief. He waved, garnering the attention of the stormtrooper before motioning them to come to our table. A few others followed behind, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Max give a cordial nod to one of them. The squad leader, then.

Four stormtroopers joined us at our table after grabbing their food, and I smiled at each of them as they removed their helmets. The one next to Milo clapped him on the back with a grin, his boyish face bright as he smiled at my friend. "22, boy do I have stories for you," the kid said, laughing when Milo nearly bounced out of his seat with excitement. "That was one hell of a mission."

"I'm just glad you're okay," Milo breathed, slinging an arm over the other's shoulders before turning to me and adding, "Talia, this is my brother. FX-2211."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I said to the new boy, smiling at him softly. I could see it now, in the way he held himself, the slope of his nose, the sandy color of his hair. He didn't look quite like Milo, but I could tell they were related now. 

The others shared an amicable greeting with the new squad while I sat back, content to watch them interact while I got a feel for the newcomers. They all seemed kind, full of life, and I found myself beginning to relax in their presence as everybody chatted until Trevor sat forward in his seat, eyes alight as he looked intently at the other squad. "So?"

"We almost found it," one of the other boys responded, shaking his head dejectedly. 

"That doesn't sound like a success," Max frowned, quirking his head to the side. 

"It almost wasn't. But we got a prisoner - one of the Resistance guys. Commander Ren is having him transferred to the interrogation rooms now."

I felt a prick of dream begin to bloom in my chest at the words, my fingers becoming cold as my heartbeat quickened. "Who?" I asked, causing Rylan to look at me with a wary, but understanding expression. 

"Some pilot," Milo's brother said, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. "Dark hair, absolutely crazy. Tried to take a shot at Commander Ren, what an idiot."

Fuck, I thought, my face paling as I met the eyes of Max across the table. He nodded at me, turning to whisper a quick "fill me in later" to the other squad leader, before standing and gesturing for me to follow him. I nearly knocked my tray off the table in my haste, barely noticing as I followed him out of the cafeteria. I couldn't even hear the chatter over the ringing in my ears, my heart thudding painfully hard in my chest. I stumbled after him, arm brushing the corners as I struggled to maintain my composure, before hitching a sob of relief as his door came into view. He opened it, quickly motioning me through and shutting it behind him.

The first sob tore from my chest as soon as it was closed.

I sank into a chair, head held in between my hands as my ragged breaths tore through me, nose stinging from the onslaught of tears. Max's hand fell sympathetically onto my knee, his fingers tracing reassuring circles as I cried. 

A few minutes later, I forced myself to gain some composure, before looking up at him and sniffling, "I don't want to go back."

"I know," he said, smiling at me softly. 

"I just-" another sob tore through my chest, forcing me to stop as I tried to breathe through it. "It's Poe. I know it is. I don't - don't want to go back but he's - was - my best friend."

Max scooted his chair closer, his hand moving from my knee to my shoulder as he offered the best comfort he could. He didn't say anything, waiting for me to continue, and I found myself incredibly grateful for him in that moment. For his peaceful presence, so like my brother's, even though it hurt to bear. 

"They're going to kill him," I whispered, eyes downcast to the grain of the table beneath me. 

"Not if he complies," Max offered, though I could hear how unconvincing the words were even to him.

I let out a dry laugh, sniffling again before I responded. "I won't give Kylo anything and I volunteered to be here. No amount of pain is going to make Poe give up anything about the Resistance."

"It probably won't be the kind of pain you're thinking," Max responded, squeezing my shoulder lightly. "Commander Ren will want to deal with him personally."

My thoughts flashed to Kylo, then, to the way he was so easily able to enter my mind. Even with the training time I had put in, my shields were nothing compared to the true force of his abilities. I knew that if he truly wanted to, he could break through them with ease. Poe, who had no training, who had been taken against his will, would have no choice in the matter - it would be easy for Kylo to break through and find what he needed. 

"He's going to die, isn't he?" My voice was small, quiet even in the silence of the room. I felt my heart begin to shatter as Max said nothing, pulling me from my chair and into his chest instead. As I wrapped my arms around him, I allowed myself to cry again, the tears slipping from my eyes silently this time. 

-

I spent the remainder of the evening curled up in Max's bed while he worked at the table beside me. Though we didn't speak anymore, I knew he was still worried, could feel it in the way his attention was drawn to me every few minutes. His concern radiated around the room, blanketing me in the comfort of knowing someone cared for me. I'd spent hours staring at the ceiling as I tried to reconcile my feelings with what I knew to be true - no matter how much I cared for Poe, it was not my place to save him. Even if I knew how to get him out, I wouldn't, no matter how much I wanted to. He would return to Leia, tell her what he knew of the base, give her any intel he could pick up.

He would ask me to go back.

I still didn't know if there was a right side, didn't know if one was better than the other. I did know that I had already betrayed one, though, and that I wasn't willing to betray the other. I felt more at home here than I ever had at the Resistance once Kade had died. He had been my only tether, the only thing keeping me grounded in the Resistance's mission, and once he was gone, I should have known it would only be a matter of time before I realized that something deeper inside me wanted more. 

I knew that I could never go back. Would never want to go back. The family I had created years ago no longer existed, another tragedy of war written away in the history books. At least in the First Order, I knew Kylo would fight for what he wanted. There was no question about his motives, no faltering in his thoughts. He was sure of himself, which was something his mother lacked, and I needed that stability more than I needed to believe one side was "right."

My thoughts were interrupted by the pounding of boots in the hall. Only a few, at first, and then what sounded like tens of stormtroopers following suit. I jumped up from the bed, concern marring my brow as Max and I locked eyes, before both of us hurried to put our shoes on and follow. 

He grabbed my wrist as we exited his room, pulling me in the direction of the footsteps. I was thankful for his grip, the turns already hazy in my memory as we made our way to part of the base I had never been to before. We came to a slow jog as we entered the absolutely massive hangar, hosting hundreds of TIE fighters and other ships. I wanted to gawk at it all, to marvel in the sheer size of the hangar, but my eyes were immediately drawn to one in particular. 

The ship strained against its cords, frantically trying to break free. Max made a noise of confusion next to me, but I couldn't look away, entranced by the TIE fighter desperately trying to break free. 

By the pilot within its cockpit. 

Though I could hardly see him, through the distance and the glare of the harsh lights, I could barely make out the tanned skin, the dark hair in his face. I didn't know if I should believe it, didn't know if I could until the TIE fighter suddenly broke free and shot out of the hangar with precision I only knew one person to hold.

"That's Poe," I breathed, the tightness in my chest growing sharper. I whirled around, looking for something I didn't quite know yet, until I found it. 

I had to crane my neck up to look at the overarching command building, hanging over the hangar and casting a daunting shadow below. Inside, I could see commanders running around, frantically trying to take down the TIE fighter that had just escaped. General Hux glared over the hangar before turning to shout at someone, eyes drifting to something I couldn't see before he disappeared from my sight. I felt a strange tug in my mind, urging me to go to the command complex above me. 

I knew I shouldn't - knew that I wasn't allowed in such an important space, knew that I would be restrained before I had even made it out of the elevator. Still, I felt that pull, begging me to go, to find something that I knew in my soul was in that room. 

As I took the first step, the holopad on Max's arm beeped, jolting me from my trance. "I have to go," he said, looking at me sadly. "The TIE fighter crashed on Jakku. Our squad has been requested to explore the wreckage."

"What do I do?" I asked, looking at him with wide eyes. For as long as I had been here, I had never been without one of my squadmates - even when I was training with Kylo, Max was outside waiting on me. The reality of the situation weighed heavily on me, tears already pricking at my eyes as I thought of Poe, frantically trying to make it back to Jakku. Of the now burning ship on the planet somewhere below us, the pilot I held so dearly within it. The thought made me feel ill, and I wrapped my arms around myself tightly. 

"You'll stay in my room unless otherwise told," he said, nodding at his decision. I could see that he didn't quite know what to do either, that he was unsure of where to put me until he got back. Kylo had said that if I wasn't with one of the squad, I was to be with him, but he was nowhere to be found. I didn't see a better option - I could only hope that it was the right one. 

We jogged back the way we had come, twisting through the halls until we reached Max's room, where he quickly threw his armor on. As he opened the door, he turned to me, offering one more sad smile before disappearing to the hangar. I stared numbly at the door for a moment before turning to his bed and collapsing into the soft blankets with a sob. 

I wasn't sure how much time went by, crying pathetically into the comforter, before I felt his presence coming closer. I stilled, my breathing quieting as I felt the anger pouring down the hallway, growing closer by the second. I could feel something else underneath it, but the anger was so overpowering that I couldn't tell what it was. I stood, padding over to the door as he approached, opening it before he could do it himself. 

Kylo and I stared at each other, his mask a feeble attempt to hide the rage roiling beneath his skin. It flowed over me in waves, my own sadness responding. His chest heaved, lightsaber clinking ominously on his belt as he watched me, waited for me to do something. A stormtrooper walked past us, looking at Kylo for a second before snapping to attention, footsteps rapidly receding in the direction he was heading as he scurried away. "Let's go somewhere quieter," I murmured, reluctant acceptance heavy in my voice. 

Kylo said nothing, whirling on the ball of his foot and storming down the hallway. I followed, a few paces behind him, struggling to keep up as he stomped to the elevator. As soon as the doors closed behind us, he turned to face me, presence settling heavily in my mind. I winced at the direct intrusion, a dull ache forming behind my eyes as my shields instinctively went up. He didn't seem to know what he was looking for, pressing against my shields as he circled in my mind, leaving me feeling dizzy and disoriented. The doors opened with a whoosh, and he receded, storming off silently until we entered the training room and the door snicked shut behind us. 

Again, his presence was heavy on my mind, bearing down harder as I struggled to keep my shields intact. "The pilot," he snapped, still as a statue as he stood across from me. 

I sighed, shoulders drooping as I allowed him what he wanted. A small portion of my shield, dismantled enough that he could easily break through, and the memories that followed. 

A TIE fighter hot on our tail. Poe laughing as I curse from the rear seat, frantically trying to lock my blasters onto it while he swerves and flips through the air. The TIE pilot was no match for his maneuvering, and with a jolt, we were suddenly above the TIE fighter, a clear shot at its roof all I needed to send it spiraling to the ground beneath us. 

Irena, Poe, and I gathered around the small conference table, sketches of the mission plan thrown haphazardly around us. "This," he says, pointing to a sketch of our positions, "is crucial. You cannot leave this post. Hear me, Talia? Do not leave this post. I can't protect you if you go off on your own."

Poe and Leia, talking quietly in the dim glow of the setting sun. The two huddled close as Poe offers a comforting hand, cracking a joke that Leia smiles weakly at. 

Poe and Leia, conferring over missions, debating on the right course of action. 

Poe and Leia.

Poe and Leia.

Poe and Leia.

Kylo recedes from my mind quickly, shocking me back to the present. I find myself on the floor, knees tucked up to my chest and arms locked tightly around them. A burst of pain flares through my mind, dulling quickly but leaving me with a lasting headache that thumps against my eyes. 

"He was Leia's right hand," I whispered, staring numbly at the ground. 

"There was a droid with him." The metallic voice is jarring, even though I expected it to come. I look up at him then, brow furrowed. 

"A droid?" The words sound foreign, even to me. We hadn't had many working droids on base, and the ones we did have had delegated tasks that did not require them to go off base. 

I felt him skim through my thoughts, searching for something, before bringing a hand up to his mask as if to rub his face. When he realized the mask was still on, Kylo let out an irritated sigh before murmuring, "You don't know anything about the droid."

I shook my head, looking up at him sadly. "I'm sorry. If I did, I would have showed you."

I could feel his anger continue to rise, could almost see it radiating off of him as he began to pace the training room with agitated steps. His pacing sets my already frayed nerves alight, fingers tapping rapidly against my shins as I attempt to curl tighter into myself. I am unsure of what to say, don't know how to calm him or reassure him without sounding condescending. 

Out of nowhere, he says, "The pilot escaped with a stormtrooper."

I snap my gaze to him, eyes widening at his words. "Someone defected?"

"FN-2187," he nods, confirming something that I didn't want to hear. No wonder he was agitated - if his own troops were going to defect, the threat of betrayal was enough to send anyone into a spiral. "I should have seen it. Should have been able to sense his allegiance wavering."

"I don't think that's fair," I counter carefully, mulling over my words as I say them. "There are so many troops here. You're hardly around them enough to be able to feel if their allegiance is shifting."

Kylo stops, the scuff of his boots echoing loudly. "FN-2187 was on the mission. I knew he was struggling to complete his duties, and yet I let him walk free without Rehabilitating again."

"Oh," I whisper, looking away from him slowly. 

Neither of us says anything for a few moments, my eyes glued to the ceiling as I try to find something to break the tension. Finally, I sigh, shaking my head as I look at the Commander before me. "Blaming yourself will only cause problems. Trust me, the guilt of not being good enough is enough to run anybody into the ground."

When he doesn't answer, I get to my feet slowly, stretching my back as I release the tension I had been holding. 

"Permission to sleep?" I ask, unable to look at his mask. 

He nods, gesturing towards the door. I step towards it gingerly, placing my hand on the button to open it. Before I press it, though, I look back at him, standing alone in the training room. His mask is trained towards me, watching as I leave. 

"Goodnight, Kylo," I whisper, ducking out of the doorframe. 

As the door slides shut, the faintest "Goodnight" follows me to my room. 

Chapter Text

My chest squeezed painfully as my echoing footsteps rapidly moved through the hall. I wanted to get to my room, to the safety of my blankets, the safety of alone. The metallic drone of Kylo's voice still echoed in my head, of the quiet farewell I was sure I had misheard. Whispers of betrayal seemed to follow me, leaving despair and angst in their wake. 

FN-2187. I committed the number to memory, willed myself to keep it in the back of my mind. I was thankful that I didn't have a face to go with the number, thankful that I could imagine him as a faceless droid. The sting of his betrayal would run deeply in Kylo's mind, of that I was sure. Even now, I could feel traces of his anger lingering in my mind, a testament of how strong the feelings were that I could still detect them as I entered my room, closing the door softly behind me. I didn't bother to change my clothes, barely taking my shoes off before I collapsed into my bed with a groan.

The emotional toll of the day weighed heavily on me, beckoning me to sleep even as my thoughts continued to race. My eyes still burned from the tears I had shed, my headache having grown worse since I had left the training room. It felt like a weight had been placed on my chest, constricting my heart painfully as I tried to push away the damage the day had done. 

Poe was probably dead. If he crashed, it wasn't good - Poe never crashed. Which meant that the damage had been extreme enough to override the best pilot I'd ever met, and they had crashed into Jakku. My first friend on the Resistance base, gone because a traitor snuck him away.

I wondered if he would have lived if he hadn't tried to escape. If I could have convinced Kylo to let me see him, to talk some sense into him. If there was a way for him to survive his capture.

I didn't think there was. 

As my breathing began to even out, the last thought I had before sleep took me was an apology to Poe for not saving him.

-

The moons arced high in the sky, glimmering peacefully. So at odds with the wreckage beneath them.

Blood was spattered on the sand, screams and blaster shots ringing through the night. Stormtroopers were bathed in blood as they relentlessly slaughtered the civilians. 

A scream was wrought from my own lungs as a blaster bolt grazed my arm, the blinding pain causing my steps to falter for a moment before I collected myself. I couldn't stop moving. Needed to keep moving, keep going, get to him.

Across the outpost, he danced with death, the crackling red blade cutting through anything in his path. I had warned Leia that I felt something coming, something new and terrifying. Why couldn't she just listen to me, for once?

I watched, entranced as he slaughtered every living thing, his movements harsh, abrupt, and full of rage. He made no noise, only the aggressive whir and crackle of the red lightsaber lighting his path of destruction. I felt as though I was stuck, unable to move as he felled his last opponent. I needed to go, needed to get to him, or away from him, somewhere, I just needed to move. But I couldn't. 

And then I really couldn't, my feet rooted to the spot as he turned to me, the menacing sheen of his mask harsh in the bright moonlight. His prowling footsteps drew closer, fear creeping up my chest. Fear exploding as a figure crept from the shadows, sneaking up on the imposing figure that held me captive. 

I wanted to scream, to tell Kade no, to tell him to leave me and run, but even my voice was caught, held against my will. All I could do was watch as Kade crept closer, closer, so close - watch as he lifted his dagger, watch as it glinted in the bright light, so close -

I was released as Kade was frozen in time, gasping in a breath as the figure whirled on him. He did not display a grand gesture for my brother - in fact, it felt as if he almost showed him some sick mercy. When the blade whirred to life once more, it pierced his heart, killing him instantly. I turned from the scene with horror in my eyes, coughing out a sob as I sprinted to the carrier. Away from the masked monster, the demon that lay beneath the cold exterior.

-

The sound of my alarm woke me from the nightmare, a hand flying to my racing heart as I gasped for breath. I glanced around the dimly lit room rapidly, searching for a threat that wasn't there. 

The threat that I would soon be sparring with.

I got ready quickly, throwing on a pair of baggy shorts and a black long-sleeve shirt before tying my hair into my typical braid. In the kitchen, I prepared the coffee pot before grabbing a piece of bread and jam, shakily filling my cup as I waited impatiently for the minutes to tick by. 

Every noise sent me jumping in the air, heart beating erratically despite my best attempts to regulate. I couldn't shake the feeling of dread, bearing down on me no matter how hard I tried to dispel it. 

The sound of my door hissing open made me yelp, nearly dropping my cup before I set it down, quickly smoothing the wrinkles out of my shirt and the hairs from my face as Kylo rounded the corner. My wide eyes met his mask, as blank as it always was, and I felt a chill of trepidation shoot down my spine. I couldn't feel his anger anymore, the emotion long dissipated, but traces of the man within my memory still shrouded the person before me, haunting him in my eyes. 

From the way he cocked his head to the side before abruptly stalking back out the door, I knew he had heard something within my muddled thoughts. Felt my fear, maybe, since I knew it was probably coming off of me in waves. 

I hurried after him, nearly running to catch up with his long strides as we moved towards the training room. Even after the door had closed, he said nothing, keeping his back to me as I nervously stared at him. 

Finally, he broke the silence, the metallic grate of his voice making me jump. "You didn't sleep well."

It wasn't a question, simply a statement. I watched him for any sign of movement, any hint of anger - not sleeping wasn't my fault, but if I was him, my temper would be short, too. "No."

"I felt it," he said, the words almost too quiet to hear. 

It took me a moment to realize what he had said, to process the words. After I did, I blanched, eyes widening as I took a half-step away from him. "You felt it?"

"Yes. You were panicked all night. Apparently you can project your anxiety a greater distance than anything else."

"I'm sorry," I said, not knowing what else to offer. It hadn't been my intention to project my anxiety, certainly not when I was sleeping, but-

The dream still haunted me, my sobs echoing in my ears. Kade's face, determined up until the very end. Determined to protect me. To save me from the very monster I was now in the same room as.

I took another half-step back. 

"What did you dream about?" His question caught me off guard, my foot sliding noisily against the floor. How had he known I was dreaming? That my anxiety occurred while I was asleep?

Before I could ask, he answered, and I threw my shields up , having forgotten to do so already. "Your feelings were projected, but I couldn't see what thoughts were attached to them."

"Oh," I whispered, eyes still glued to his back. "It was nothing - just a bad memory."

He turned then, finally looking at me. I could feel the heat of his stare, could feel his curiosity burning through me as I fidgeted nervously with my fingers. 

"What was it?"

"I - I don't remember," I stuttered, trying to sound convincing. 

"Don't lie."

"I don't want to talk about it."

He seemed to pause, mulling over my words before stepping closer to me. Instinctively, I took another step back, my eyes widening as my hands dropped loosely to my sides. 

"I see," he said, the words devoid of any emotion. It was unnerving - usually, I could tell what he was feeling, had learned the minute inflections of his emotions even through the modulator. This was empty, though, hollow as it reverberated through the mask. 

I felt a pang of sorrow deep in my chest, and I couldn't determine if it was his or mine. I wanted to move past it, I did. But the image of Kade's heart being torn to shreds was ingrained in my mind, so deeply rooted that whenever I blinked, I could still see the look of shock on his face. "I'm sorry," I whispered, casting my eyes to the ground. 

I felt it, then, the faintest presence of his mind trying to enter my own. Out of habit, I threw my shields even higher, keeping him out. For the first time, I watched his boot take the smallest step back, as if recoiling from my defensiveness. I winced, frowning as I struggled with the decision I was about to make. 

Taking a deep breath, I met the cold gaze of the mask before allowing my shields to fall. It wasn't hard to present the memory to him, still at the forefront of my mind. I allowed it to play, allowed him to hear my thoughts as we watched the events unfold.

Watched the murder unfold.

He retreated from my mind with a shaky inhale, taking another small step backwards. The sorrow grew stronger, and I knew that it was coming from him, could feel it beginning to envelop him as he took another shaky breath. "Your brother," he breathed, the words hardly ghosting out of the mask. I nodded, turning my face away from him as tears sprung to my eyes, stinging my nose and causing me to let out a small sniffle in defeat. 

"You think I am a monster." Again, the words were a statement, not a question. 

"I don't want to," I murmured after a moment of deliberation. I looked back at him, then, at the way his shoulders seemed to slump in defeat, the way his head hung slightly lower than normal. "I don't want to see you like that. It doesn't do either of us any good. I just-" Don't know how to believe that you aren't. 

I projected the thought towards him as best I could, not sure if it would work but trusting that he was still in my head enough to hear it. He nodded once in acknowledgement, holding his breath before his hands slowly crept up to the mask. 

"What are you doing?" My fingers grew cold as I watched him slowly unclip something underneath his chin, eyes widening further as his hands moved delicately across the mask. He turned his face away from me for a moment, before changing his mind and looking back.

"Proving to you that I'm not a monster."

The mask hissed as it unlatched, a small puff of air pressing out around his neck. I swore I could see his fingers tremble slightly as he lifted it, before dropping his hands slowly to his side. 

My breath caught in my throat at the man before me.

He was younger than I had anticipated, perhaps a few years older than me. His hair was dark and full, groomed carefully to frame his features. Prominent lips, a prominent nose, and pale skin stood stark against the black backdrop of his uniform. As he finally lifted his eyes to look at me, though, time seemed to stand still. 

Beautiful was the first word that came to mind.

Deep chocolate eyes met my own, so much emotion brewing underneath them. It was like a floodgate had been released, everything coming through full-force at once. I choked out a breath as I was hit with feardesperationlongingpainangersorrowfear in a tidal wave, crashing over me with so much force it almost knocked me to my knees. I couldn't look away from him, stuck in a trance as I stared into those sorrowful eyes, took in everything about him. 

Everything was so human.

His lips parted, drawing in a ragged breath. There was so much fear, so much trepidation in his gaze. I allowed myself to take it all in, refusing to look away from him, trying to commit him to memory. Not a monster. Just a man.

Time unfroze, and he looked away, abruptly slamming his shields up so hard that I flinched, taken aback by the sudden wall of cold between us. 

"We should begin your training," he muttered, tearing his eyes from my own as his jaw fluttered, the muscle tightening as his teeth clenched together tightly. He brought his hand up, about to put the mask back on. I would have let him, if it weren't for the way his eyes darted to mine just once more. 

"Don't."

He froze, hands clenched tightly onto the mask as his gaze snapped to mine once more. There was so much conflict in his stare, so many emotions warring with one another, and I knew my expression mirrored his own right now. 

"Please, just - not yet." The words sounded broken, jagged as they left my lips. Desperate. I wanted to flinch at my tone, to take it back, to curl away, but I couldn't - didn't want to lose the shred of humanity he was offering me, the piece of himself that he was giving away. Letting me see. 

He debated for a moment before nodding, the movement small. Eyes not leaving my own, he leaned down to place the mask on the ground, the soft thud of its weight like a cannon in the tense silence. I watch, entranced, as he slowly prowls over to me, his movements unsteady and slow. 

"I want you to rely on instinct today." His voice is soft, so laden with his feelings that it almost hurts. He's still commanding, and I feel myself nodding out of habit, but the tone of his voice is so much different than the mask. Melodic, low, reverberating in the space between us. His eyes flicker over my face carefully, watching, analyzing my expressions. "Trust the feelings you get, don't try to predict anything. I'm going to attack, and I want you to remove yourself from the space without turning your back to me."

I nod again, the room seeming to dim to only him as I drop into a defensive position. His first attack is easy, a punch that I spin away from. He lets me regain my footing before stepping into my space once more, this time throwing a leg out that I jump over, pushing myself backwards. The dance continues, him pushing me in a circle around the room as his attacks grow increasingly harder, faster, more precise. I try not to predict what he will do - the few times that I do, he catches me off guard, nicking my ribs with his fist. Taking a deep breath, I allow myself to let go entirely, to feel what he's going to do. Everything suddenly snaps into place, and I am whirling around him, our eyes clashing as we both twist and turn around the room. He gives me no time to recover, pushing harder and harder as I grow more confident in the ability to sense what he will do. 

I swear I see the flicker of a smile on his face at one point.

When he ends the exercise, I am panting, and for the first time, he is too. His broad shoulders heave as he takes in a large breath, trying to regulate his heart rate as I double over, hands pressing into my knees for support. 

"Good," he says, straightening his shoulders. I am still panting, looking up at him through a sweaty brow as I feel a burst of pride rush through me. 

That's weird, I thought, eyes narrowing as I look at him. I almost miss the way his eyes widen slightly, the way his breath catches the tiniest bit in his chest. 

He says nothing else before diving into my mind. My shields, mostly down, shoot back up in a heartbeat as I try to keep him out. I know how to do this. I reinforce them, keeping him trapped in the empty space of my mind, before throwing the first memory I can think of from the day before at him. 

He lets out a scoff as I show him my perspective of our walk to the training room - the way he stalks ahead of me, long legs moving so much faster than my own. The way my feet stumble slightly as I try to keep up with him, looking at his broad back and trying not to let my panic show. I can feel his anger, and the last thing I need to do is trip on my face and make it worse.

His presence glides along the memory, searching for any holes, and weakness in my shields. When he finds none, he recedes, a pleased look on his face. "You've gotten better at maintaining your shields."

"I sure hope so," I groan, wincing at the dull throb in my head. It's lessened considerably the more we practice, but I hope that it will stop entirely soon. 

"I want to try something new today," he says, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. He can't hide the look of curiosity from his eyes, though. "I want you to try something, to be more precise."

"Okay..." My eyes narrow as I search his face for any indication of what he's expecting. He gives me nothing. 

"Close your eyes."

I want to protest - want to tell him no, want to keep looking at his face, afraid he'll put the mask back on at any second. Instead, I sigh, obeying without verbal complaint. I can feel a brief flicker of amusement, internally rolling my eyes at the feeling. 

"Now, I want you to feel for me," he instructs, voice soothing in the quiet room. "Feel for me and tell me what you see."

I deliberate for a few moments on opening my eyes, not seeing a point in this exercise. I can feel your big emotions, I say, putting as much emphasis into the thought as I can. He chuckles, and I almost open my eyes, wanting nothing more than to see his face again. I respect his wishes, though, diving deeper into the feelings that I know are his, trying to separate them from him.

"It's like..." I scrunch my face in concentration, straining to see the connection. "It's like a thread. I can see that it goes to you, that it connects to you."

"Good." His praise washes over me, the pride seemingly amplified as I'm grasping onto the thread between us. "You can see mine like that because I'm also a Force user." As he speaks, the tether wavers between us, and I have to concentrate harder to keep it in my grasp. 

"I can feel it, too," I whisper, my tone almost reverent as I gently brush against the thread. Something within me hums in response, strengthening as I focus on the feeling of the connection. 

"Now I want you to try to find another one. Follow it, and tell me who it connects to."

I oblige, reluctantly letting go of the thread between us. I have to search for a moment to find another one, much less vibrant than ours. When I do, it strengthens, solidifying a bit as I try to hold onto it. I follow, slowly pulling myself along the thread. I can't see where it goes, but I know that it leads out of the training room into the hall. At the end of it, I smile, holding it tenderly in my grasp. "Max."

In front of me, Kylo lets out a small noise that I can't quite decipher, the sound enough to snap me out of my haze. I blink, looking at his face carefully as I allow my mind to recenter itself. Now that I know the thread is there, I can feel it, pulling me to him. Similarly, though much fainter, I can feel the thread pulling me to Max. 

"The one with Max isn't as strong as ours," I say with a frown, looking into his eyes for answers. 

He shakes his head slightly, eyes darting to the door, where Max is inevitably waiting outside. "It won't be. SF-1943 does not have access to the Force, so he cannot reinforce the bond on his end."

I nod, feeling a twinge of disappointment. I like that I can see him, can feel where he's at, but the though of our bond being weak is upsetting.

"You can make it stronger with time," Kylo supplies, evidently feeling my disappointment. "The more you're with him - and the others - the stronger it will become."

I smile a bit at that, perking up slightly before I blanch. "Did you just say that I have access to the Force?"

"Did you think that you didn't?" His eyes search my own, brow furrowing as he looks at me. I shake my head slowly, lips parting as he lets out a chuckle. This time I see it, the way his lip quirks up, and I am once again enamored by the movement. "If you weren't able to use the Force, you wouldn't be able to shield against me. Or feel... anything that I feel. Leia didn't explain any of this to you?"

I shake my head again, eyes falling to the floor. "If she knew, she didn't tell me."

"I'm sorry," he says, snapping my attention back to his face. Has he ever said that before? "I thought - I thought you knew. I thought you understood that you were a Force user. You've been - blindly doing everything?"

"Yes," I respond, scratching the back of my neck in embarrassment. 

"Incredible," Kylo breathes, a new emotion that I can't quite place taking over his gaze. He redirects quickly, returning to the teacher instructing his student. "We'll be modifying your training. I'll have SF-1943 bring you a collection of books to begin reading, on how the Force works and what to expect while you use it."

"Well shit," I laugh, beaming up at him. "That's cool."

His lips quirk up at my comment, head cocking to the side as he studies me before shaking his head. "We're done for the day. You are free to tell your squadron you are a Force user, though I'm sure they already know."

I nod, nearly vibrating with excitement as I race to the door. Before I open it, I turn back to Kylo, who's staring after me with his helmet in his hand. I wait, watching as he slides the cool mask back over his face, feeling a pang of sadness as it clicks back into place. "Have a good day," I whisper, a sad smile playing at my lips.

I hit the button and exit the training room before he can respond.

Chapter Text

The rest of the day passed by in a blur.

While leaving the training room, I debated keeping my newfound knowledge a secret until I could do something cool with the Force to show the others. Instead, as soon as I found Max, I broke out into a grin and divulged everything I had learned except for the bond between Kylo and myself. Something within me told me to keep that close to my heart, even though I knew I could trust Max with it. 

He had teased me with a string of "I told you so"'s and a couple "I'm always right"s as we made our way to the stormtrooper training room, before proudly boasting to the rest of our squad that I was "officially cooler than all of them combined." As we were running through our training drills, he received the command on his holopad to retrieve the books for me, and he happily left us to our own devices to get them. We spent the remainder of training messing around, trying to shoot each other with shockbolts until the others realized I now possessed an unfair advantage over them - after a moment of intense concentration, I was able to feel the faint threads that connected me to all of them, thereby giving me unlimited access to their positions. One shockbolt too many had Milo yelling that I was cheating, to which I shrugged and wiggled my eyebrows playfully.

Throughout the entire day, I carefully examined the bond between Kylo and myself. While I loved being able to feel my squadmates, something drew me to the bond with Kylo, always bringing my attention back to the bright, flickering thread that tethered us together. 

Now that I could see it clearly, I felt it constantly. There were moments where he would let a faint emotion bleed through - irritation dominating any others - and I would smile at the connection, looking down to the ground to hide my amusement. 

Everybody was interested in seeing what material Kylo had requested for me, so we found ourselves curled up in my bed as the afternoon wound down, each with a book in hand. Occasionally, someone would make a comment, pointing to something their book said, but for the most part, it was peaceful silence, all six of us curled around one another. 

I could feel when Kylo returned to his personal suite for the evening, the thread between us growing stronger as he passed my door. I smiled softly as he approached, and he seemed to hesitate for a moment before continuing on. The sensation dulled to a peaceful hum, still brighter than any of my squadmates around me, and I reveled in the feeling of contentment I received from the connection, though I didn't understand why. 

"How did your search for Poe go?" I cough, my voice hoarse from sitting in silence for so long. 

Five pairs of eyes met my own, mostly sympathetic - Rylan's eyes narrowed suspiciously, but I can feel that it's mostly for show. "We found the explosion, but no bodies. Commander Ren sent another squad out this morning to continue searching for the pilot, the traitor, and the droid."

I nodded, chewing on my lip nervously. No bodies could be a good thing - maybe they had gotten out. I didn't want the traitor to escape, but I didn't want Poe to die. The conflicting emotions built in my chest, irritation at my seeming inability to pick a side blooming deep within me. I was about to answer, taking a deep breath to calm myself when my attention snapped to the hall. 

Kylo storms past the room, a flicker of emotion coursing down the bond as he passes. Something is wrong. I take a deep breath, centering myself as my book had taught me to do, before carefully examining the thread, feeling my way along it until I catch up to him. The stony silence on the other side is interrupted by another flare of emotion, causing me to recoil slightly before pushing back, curiosity overcoming my trepidation. 

Irritation suddenly flows down the bond between Kylo and myself, waves crashing over me, amplifying the irritation I was already feeling. My eyes narrow as I tracked the movement, Kylo storming through the halls of the base. Even when he is long gone, halfway to the hangar, his anger still flares deep within my chest. 

"What just happened?" Trevor looks at me with big eyes, confusion evident on his face. 

"Nothing good," I mutter, feeling the irritation turn to outright rage at the same moment Max receives a missive on his holopad. 

"The droid escaped with the traitor and a girl from Jakku."

I feel my face pale as the surge of rage flashes through the bond, white-hot and aggressive. The emotion continues to build within me, overpowering anything else as Kylo allows it to consume him. I pull back from the bond, trying to force my shields up, to block him out, but I've never had to block a projection from him. My shields do little to mute the emotion pouring in, and I wince as I feel it curl tightly within my chest. 

"You okay, Tali?" Max asks, looking at me with concern. 

I nod tightly, hoping that he will pass my discomfort off as upset that Poe wasn't mentioned in the missive. I almost open my mouth, almost tell him the truth, but the weight of everybody's stares is enough to make me reconsider. I don't know why I feel the need to keep the bond secret, when they already know that I can see the bonds with them, but something inside me wants to keep it to myself.

Another flare of anger stirs within my chest, twisting as it burns bright beneath my skin. I huff a pained breath, face scrunching as I try to fight off the strange sensation. I know the emotion is not my own, can still feel my own emotions, but it's difficult to keep the growing anger at bay. "I just need a second," I mutter, quickly wriggling off the bed. My squad watches me leave with varying levels of concern, but I only offer them a tight-lipped smile as I head to the kitchen. 

I pour a glass of water with shaking hands, the effort of maintaining my shields already exhausting me from the sheer force of Kylo's power. I try to rebuild them stronger, to push him further away, but it only serves to crack my own shields, my well of energy running dry. 

Kylo, I beg weakly, trying to project the word down the bond. I don't know if he'll hear it, don't know if that's something I can even do - every other time I've tried to project a thought at him, he's been in the same room as me, already in my head.

Still, the anger seems to recede, the burning flame in my chest dimming. Tentatively, I reach out, feeling down the bond until I find Kylo's shields, firm and unyielding beneath my touch. The emotion is not entirely gone, still roiling beneath my skin, but it's simmered to a manageable enough state that I can bring the glass to my lips without splashing the water everywhere. I sigh in relief, chugging the water before slumping against the countertop, letting the cool marble chill my flaming skin. 

"You okay, Tali?" Milo enters the kitchen slowly, concerned eyes flitting over my figure. 

I nod, smiling at him weakly as I pick my head up. "Just a lot of emotions. I'm good, I promise."

He nods, still looking uncertain, but disappears back down the hall to my room, leaving me to revel in the silence and peace of the kitchen. The anger is almost gone now, the bond going back to its previously stable state, and I puff out another relieved breath as I feel Kylo's presence draw near. My heart is still racing, blood thrumming under my skin as I struggle to reign in the aftershocks of whatever just happened.

I'm not surprised when I feel him stop outside my door. Wearily, I pull myself from the counter with a groan, leaning against the wall as I press the button to open the door. 

He stands tall, mask impassive as he scans the living space, the kitchen, the hall to the bedrooms. "They're all in my room," I whisper, my own eyes flickering back to the door, expecting one of them to come out at any second.

"Are you okay?"

The question shocks me, my mouth falling open before I can remember to keep it shut. I close it quickly, a faint blush rising to my cheeks as I nod, searching the mask for a face I know I won't find. "What was that?"

Again, he inspects the room warily, sweeping from side to side as if expecting someone to jump out. I sigh, understanding his concern, before calling for Max. 

He peeks his head from the room a few seconds later, eyes going wide as he sees the looming figure in the doorway before he just nods, watching me with concern. I wave to him before following Kylo into the hall. He begins to head to the training room, walking much slower than usual. Tentatively, I step up to his side, matching his pace as I look at him for any sign of anger. I feel nothing but a flicker of ease coursing down the bond as we walk side by side through the halls. 

The cool air of the training room is a welcome feeling against my hot skin - while the anger may have receded, the energy still roils in my blood, begging for an outlet to release it. As soon as the door is shut, Kylo removes his mask, eyes hard but concerned as they look at me. 

I am still taken aback by the man under the mask, taking in his features again. I'm pleased to note that I remembered most of them, and I will myself to ingrain his face further into my memory. 

He sets the mask down gently on the floor before stepping into the middle of the room, hands coming up into a loose fighting stance. I grin, tired eyes tracking him as I follow suit, bringing my own fists up into a defensive position. We begin the drill we had done earlier that morning - him attacking, me dancing out of his way. As we pick up speed, I am able to expel both the physical and internal energy that had built within me, slowly dissipating as I used my senses to feel where he would strike next. 

We do not talk for the entire exercise, the only sounds our harsh breaths as we dance around the room. He stops when I am too tired to dodge his blow, my body sluggish as I attempt to move out of the way. As if on instinct, his hand comes up to my shoulder to steady me, but he pulls back at the last second, brow wrinkling as he looks at my tired frame. 

"I didn't put my shields up," he states, an unspoken apology tangled in the words. 

"You didn't," I reply, my lips quirking as I look up at him. "You feel a lot of very big emotions."

He almost laughs at my words, a huffed chuckle escaping him. "I do. I've never had to put my shields up for someone before."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" His faces scrunches in confusion, and I try to commit the expression to memory.

"I wasn't good enough at blocking you out."

He shakes his head, letting out an exasperated sigh as he runs a hand through his hair. I watch through drooping eyes as the pieces stick up slightly, slowly falling back into place. "You aren't supposed to be good enough to block me out. I wouldn't expect that of you."

I shift my weight from leg to leg before deciding the ground looks like a better option. Slowly, I sink to a seated position, curling my arms around my knees as I bunch them to my chest. My eyes try to stay open, but as I rest my chin on my knees, I allow them to close. "S'okay, I'll get better at it soon."

"I'll make sure you do," he responds, words laced with certainty. I smile at the thought of him teaching me to shield while in the middle of a rage-crisis. 

"You came when I tried to get your attention. Does that mean it worked?" 

"Yes," he chuckles, "it worked."

"Tha's good," I mumble through a yawn, fighting off sleep. I don't know that I've ever been this tired before. It feels like all the energy has been drained from my body, siphoned out of me into the ground. 

"Talia," Kylo calls, and his voice sounds closer, like he knelt beside me. I can't bother to open my eyes to check, though, making a noise to confirm I heard him. "You used too much energy trying to keep me out."

I swear he sounds concerned, worried even. I don't think I had the energy to respond, but before I get the chance, I feel a hesitant arm on my back, another tentatively scooping underneath my knees. I curl into the warm body on instinct, arms coming up loosely to wrap around his shoulders as he begins to move. I don't pay attention to where we're going, and before we can reach our destination, I'm pulled into the blissful arms of sleep, a faint glimmer of contentment the last thing I feel.