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At the time, the gaggle of slack-jawed children clutching half-dressed Build-A-Bears had been more of a safety concern than anything else.
In retrospect, he’d like to buy each of those awe-struck children one thousand Build-A-Bears every year for the rest of their lives.
It had been a small blaze at the pretzel stall in the mall — a sobbing teenage pretzel stall worker and a dozen tiny faces pressed against the glass of the Build-A-Bear a few stalls down. Buck learnt what charred pretzels smell like, the teenager learnt how not to start a grease fire, and the Build-A-Bear workers learnt they should keep more bear firefighter uniforms in stock just in case a party gets interrupted by a firefighter intermission and everyone wants to make their bear a firefighter.
An hour later, they’d waved goodbye to 12 awe-struck faces gripping 12 firefighter Build-A-Bears and that had been that. Buck hadn’t really thought much of it again until almost 24 hours later, sitting at the Diaz kitchen table, recapping their days with Chris.
“Wait, you’ve never made a Build-A-Bear?” Chris had gasped.
Not even an hour later, they were at the mall.
“Well, he has to be a firefighter,” Chris declares, as they stare at the walls and walls of bears and outfits and accessories. “So we just have to pick a bear.”
Which is easier said than done, really. There’s a lot of bears.
“Which one do you have?” Buck asks, overwhelmed by the bear options. “Maybe we can just match?”
“No,” Chris sighs. “He has to match your vibe. He has to be your bear.”
“What about this one!” Eddie chirps from whatever corner of the store he’s wandered off to. He pops back into Buck’s line of sight and holds up a dalmatian with a red heart over its eye. “It’s got your birthmark!”
“Great!” Buck agrees.
Ever since getting back from Texas, and learning more about his dad’s childhood from a more grown-up perspective, Chris has been excessively interested in Buck’s own upbringing. Typically, Buck does what he can to make it all sound a little less depressing than it was, but he’s pretty sure Chris sees right through it. He’s on his own personal mission to give Buck the childhood memories he missed out on. And Buck appreciates it, he does, it’s so thoughtful and sweet and kind — just like Chris. It’s just that it makes him feel kind of silly, sometimes. Like someone’s put a spotlight on all the things no one taught him how to do. Like how to pick a Build-A-Bear.
“No,” Chris frowns. “We haven’t looked at them all yet. You can’t just pick the first one you see. Which one speaks to you?”
“Um,” Buck panics. He reaches out and grabs the bear that happens to be closest to him. He looks like a perfectly friendly bear. “Maybe this one?”
Christopher responds to that with a deeply unimpressed glare. “That’s like the most basic bear there is,” he sighs. “You can’t just get a beige bear. You are not a beige bear person.”
“There are lots of rules to this Build-A-Bear business,” Buck mumbles, putting his perfectly friendly beige bear back on the shelf. Eddie snorts from behind him.
“Oh! This one!” Christopher shouts, holding up a bright rainbow bear. “Because you’re bi!”
He should probably feel some sort of way about being loudly outed in this Build-A-Bear, but Chris is grinning at him so proudly, waving the rainbow bear around like he’s struck Build-A-Bear gold. And maybe there is a little bit of gold in it — watching someone he loves more than life itself see and celebrate this part of him that lay dormant for so long. His sexuality might still be new, and it’s certainly not the most interesting part of him, but it is part of him. And he’s proud of it. So, sure, why not. A rainbow Build-A-Bear.
“Oh. Yeah? You think this one has my vibe?” Buck grins.
“Definitely,” Chris nods. “Right, dad?”
Eddie shrugs, still clutching the dalmatian in his hand. He looks like someone just kicked his puppy. “My one has the birthmark,” he mumbles, dejected. “It’s a little heart.”
“Dad,” Christopher sighs. “Don’t be homophobic in the Build-A-Bear.”
Of course, at that exact moment, two teens enter the store and glare at Eddie.
“I’m not!” He hisses at Chris. “I”m not!” He repeats, louder, and in the direction of the teens still shooting death stares his way. “I’m actually - - I’ll have the gay one,” he says, grabbing the rainbow bear from Chris. “I like the gay one. Buck should have the birthmark. Or - - Buck should pick whichever one he wants, I mean.”
Chris frowns at him and the two Build-A-Bears in his arms. “If you’re making one, then I get to make one, too,” Chris notes. Part of the Take Buck To Build-A-Bear Deal had been that only Buck had to fork out $50 for a bear.
“Okay, yeah,” Eddie agrees, admitting defeat. “Sure. That’s - - that’s fine.”
Christopher grins, and immediately heads off to a corner of the store like he runs the place.
Eddie sheepishly hands Buck the dalmatian. “If you want it,” he adds.
Buck does want it. It’s probably the one he would have chosen, too, but Eddie chose this one for him, and that makes it perfect. “Thanks,” he smiles. “I like him. Very on-brand.”
Eddie looks at the dalmatian in Buck’s hands and offers a single, satisfied nod.
Chris picks out a sloth, which surprises no one, because he’s been really into sloths lately. Buck takes a look at the other options, but sticks with the dalmatian Eddie picked out. He catches Eddie’s nod of approval as the attendant confirms his choice.
He’s somewhat distracted by the creation of his bear as Chris calls out, “Dad! This one has a mustache!”
Eddie whispers, “Why do they have a Ted Lasso Build-A-Bear?” right as Chris shuffles over to where Buck’s dalmatian is currently being stuffed.
“Look! Your mustache!” Chris repeats, pointing at the bear’s mustached face.
Buck looks away from his dalmatian’s procedure for just long enough to take in the mustached bear. It does, admittedly, kind of look like Eddie.
“I already have mine,” Eddie shrugs, holding up his bear. Buck turns back to watch the attendant masterfully stuff the toy. It’s kind of fascinating, really. He’s always loved a good episode of How It’s Made.
“But the bear is supposed to represent you , not Buck,” Chris is saying.
“I - - um. Yeah. It does. This one does,” Eddie coughs, but the attendant is handing Buck his dalmatian’s heart and asking if he wants to place it himself.
He looks up to find Chris, to see if he’s watching, see if maybe he wants to put the heart in, but he finds Chris in a weirdly intense staring match with Eddie.
“Oh,” Chris blinks. “Well that’s fine then,” he shrugs. “That’s cool. Do you think they’ll have glasses that match mine?”
“I - - probably,” Eddie nods. They do have a lot of accessories.
“I’m gonna go look,” Chris says, shuffling back towards the accessory section of the store, leaving Buck with his Build-A-Bear’s literal heart in the palm of his hand.
Before he can even try to piece together what just happened, Eddie turns his attention back to Buck and the open heart surgery he’s about to perform. “He suits you,” he notes.
“So does yours,” Buck offers, carefully placing the heart amongst the stuffing.
“Yeah. He does,” Eddie agrees softly. A familiar blush stains his cheeks. Buck wants to look at it, but he’s literally in the middle of surgery right now.
“Dad!” Chris shouts, making Eddie jump. “They have crutches!”
“You should keep him,” Eddie says, adjusting his rainbow firefighter Build-A-Bear’s little firefighter helmet. “He’ll have your back when I can’t.”
Buck is apron-clad and elbow-deep in what’s about to become meatballs. Eddie is leaning against the counter, keeping him company and taking in the results of their visit to Build-A-Bear.
“Well then you should keep mine,” Buck says, nodding at the firefighter dalmatian sitting on the counter next to Eddie. The little red heart over his eye does kind of look like a birthmark.
“No. No - - they should stay together,” Eddie says, picking up Buck’s Build-A-Bear and holding him next to Eddie’s. “They’re partners.”
“Maybe we should bring them to the firehouse,” Buck jokes. “Like mascots.”
“I, uh, I don’t know if I’m ready for that just yet,” Eddie blushes.
Buck picks up a scoop of the meatball mixture and starts rolling it into a ball.
“Oh, yeah,” he nods, going along with the bit. “You want to like… give them time to settle in?”
“More so I don’t really want to come out to all of A Shift with a gay Build-A-Bear,” Eddie clarifies.
Buck’s instinct is to laugh at Eddie’s joke, but something stops him. Maybe it’s the tone of his voice, maybe it’s the fact that Eddie has never, not once, made a joke about anyone’s sexuality. He looks up from the meatballs to find that Eddie certainly isn’t laughing. Eddie actually looks like he might be about to puke.
“Right,” Buck tries slowly. “Because it’s an ally bear.”
“No,” Eddie corrects. “It-it’s a gay bear.”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah. I like that. Gay bear,” Buck agrees. He’s lost, but if Eddie wants to make his bear gay, that’s fine by him.
“Cause it’s me,” Eddie adds. He’s sort of frowning at Buck, as if he is the one that isn’t making any sense.
“Sorry, I’m actually so confused,” Buck admits, pausing his meatball-making.
“I said - - at the store - - I’m gay,” Eddie frowns. “That’s why I got the gay bear. I thought you knew what it meant.”
Buck blinks. He scoops up a handful of meatball mixture and slaps it into his other hand, shaping it on auto-pilot.
“That's a really big meatball,” Eddie says, eyeing the monstrosity in Buck’s palms. It is, indeed, a giant meatball.
“I did not know that, Eddie,” Buck croaks, dropping the meatball onto the plate with the other, considerably smaller, meatballs.
“Sorry. It’s just - - a lot bigger than the rest.”
“Not the meatball,” Buck squeaks. “ The other thing. ”
“Oh,” Eddie blinks. “Chris got it,” he shrugs. “I thought you did, too.”
“You came out in the middle of a Build-A-Bear?” He blinks.
“I didn’t plan it,” Eddie huffs. “It just happened.”
“Did it? I really don’t remember that happening, and I think I’d remember.”
“You said the gay bear suited me!”
“I thought it was an ally bear! So those scary teens didn’t think you were homophobic!”
“I am definitely not homophobic.”
“I know that!” Buck squeaks. “Wait, Chris got it?”
“I think so,” Eddie nods. He turns towards Christopher’s room and shouts, “CHRIS?”
“Yeah?” Chris shouts back.
“Did you know that I’m gay?” Eddie asks loudly.
“Yeah,” Chris yells back.
Eddie looks at Buck and shrugs.
“Because of the gay bear?” Buck adds, shouting it down the hallway.
Chris doesn’t respond right away. A few moments later, he appears in the hallway, frowning at Buck.
“Did you not get that?” He asks, in an extremely judgemental tone.
“I thought it was an ally bear!” Buck throws back.
“Why would he make an ally bear?” Chris asks, narrowing his eyes at Buck. “It’s a gay firefighter. It’s dad.”
“Thank you, Chris,” Eddie nods. “See? I was perfectly clear.”
“And just to clarify,” Buck adds, looking between the two of them like they’ve lost their minds. “You think if we brought these bears into the firehouse, everyone would instantly know that you’re gay? Because of the gay bear?”
“Yes,” Chris and Eddie agree.
Buck’s hands are covered in raw meat, so he kind of just stands there, like a surgeon waiting to scrub-in.
“Okay, yeah,” he nods. “Gay bear.”
They decide on a split-custody situation for their Build-A-Bears, because Buck cannot be solely responsible for Eddie’s gay bear and the significance it holds in its tiny rainbow heart, and Eddie insists they have to stay together.
A week after the Build-A-Bear fiasco, Buck walks into Eddie’s house to find their Build-A-Bears in an intricate set-up on the couch. The lights are dimmed, and one of Buck’s favorite nature documentaries is playing quietly on the TV in front of them. Someone has crafted a tiny blanket that is draped across their laps, and a tiny bowl of popcorn sits beside them. Quite notably, Eddie’s gay bear is pressed against Buck’s dalmatian — their faces smashed together in what kind of looks like a - -
“Eddie?” He calls out, frozen in the living room.
“Yes?” Eddie grins, appearing suddenly in the doorway.
Buck points at the scene in front of them. “Did you do this?”
“Hmm?” Eddie hums, as if their Build-A-Bears aren’t fully making out right now. “What do you mean?”
“I feel like I’m interrupting something,” Buck presses. Eddie blinks at him blankly and fuck . Maybe he’s misread this. “Unless I’m - - are they just…hanging out? Being bear bros?”
“That’s homophobic, Buck,” Eddie tuts. “They’re making out. They’re on a date. And your bear is a dog.”
“Oh. Okay,” Buck nods, recalibrating his entire existence. “So you - - you made your bear and my dog kiss, then.”
“Sure did,” Eddie grins, pleased with himself.
“Eddie. Are you trying to deliver more life-altering information via Build-A-Bear right now?” Buck clarifies, half because he can’t believe it’s happening and half because he has to be sure.
“Yep! It just worked so well the first time,” he offers with a shit-eating grin.
“Sure. Yeah.”
Eddie looks at him expectantly. He waves a hand vaguely towards the bears. “Your move,” he adds.
“Um. Okay.” If Eddie feels comfortable communicating via Build-A-Bear then Buck can do that. He can meet him there. He moves closer to the date scene laid out in front of him and moves Eddie’s gay bear out the way just enough to remove his dalmatian’s helmet. “Should I like…?” He asks hesitantly, as he starts to remove his turnout coat.
“Buck,” Eddie laughs. “Are you stripping your Build-A-Bear?”
“I don’t know, Eddie!” Buck groans. He’s so confused and he’s so bad at this. “He’s into it! We’re both into it! I’m trying to speak your language here!”
Eddie’s expression softens, dropping from his I Think I’m Being Very Funny demeanor to his Buck Is About To Spiral demeanor. He moves closer, closer than he’s been this whole time, and grabs the tiny bear helmet out of Buck’s hands, throwing it onto the couch.
“I didn’t mean a bear move,” Eddie clarifies. “I meant a move move.”
“Oh,” Buck blinks. Eddie is so close to him. He’s right in front of him. And he’s gay. And he made their Build-A-Bears kiss. “ Oh.”
“Yeah,” Eddie chuckles.
It’s not the first time that Buck has wondered what Eddie’s laugh might taste like, but it’s the first time he finds out. It’s peppermint and cherry and finally finally finally.
Eddie kisses back like a man who has been planning this for at least a week, with ample time to prepare for it and also stage a whole scene with Build-A-Bears. That’s to say he does a very good job.
Buck pulls back, reality shifts, and the rest of his life clicks into place.
“That kind of move?” Buck whispers.
“That was a beary good move,” Eddie responds, straight-faced but barely.
“Oh my god,” Buck groans. Eddie cackles. “You’re so lucky that I’m already in love with you.”
“Would you say that you love me so much you can’t bear it?” Eddie grins.
“Okay, wow,” Buck blinks, bewildered. “We’re just fully committing to the bear bit, then?”
“Is it becoming unbearable?” Eddie adds. “Am I making you grizzly?”
“I hate that I’m into this,” Buck sighs, tugging on the material of Eddie’s shirt to bring him closer again.
“It is kind of unbearlievable,” Eddie grins. He leans up and kisses him again. It is, unfortunately, such a good kiss that Buck immediately forgives the bear pun transgressions. It must also be good enough to reset Eddie, because when he pulls back, his amused smirk has been replaced with a look so soft and love-sick Buck cannot believe it’s being directed at him.
“Buck,” he starts. “ Honey .”
Buck groans.
Eddie grins. “Sorry. That was the last of it,” he promises, reaching up to frame Buck’s face with his giant hands. “Buck. I’m sorry that I have forever intrinsically linked our relationship to the Build-A-Bear franchise, and that I came out to you in a mall, and also that I thought it would be funny to make our Build-A-Bears kiss before we did,” he continues.
Buck huffs.
“But I am so madly, deeply in love with you that it makes me kind of insane,” Eddie confesses. “I made a Build-A-Bear sized blanket. I made popcorn for the bears. I googled bear puns and memorized them all. Truly unhinged behavior, Buck,” he whispers. “Christopher hid the hot glue gun.”
Buck chokes on a laugh. “I was about to strip my Build-A-Bear of his modesty instead of telling you I’m in love with you, so I think we’re both a little unhinged about each other.”
“Good. That’s good. Let’s never talk about Build-A-Bear again,” Eddie whispers against Buck’s lips.
“I think I can bear that,” Buck nods, kissing the grin off Eddie’s face.