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fake it till you make it

Summary:

"Do you know the best way to stop getting beat up, Tsuna?".
"Fight back?", the seven year old answers hesitantly.
"Of course not, silly. You're too small for that. You have to pretend to get beat up. Give your audience what they want to see".
-------
In which Tsuna is raised by the Greatest Stuntman in the World and Reborn is just honestly done with tutoring Namimori's craziest and most overdramatic teenagers.

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

They say that life can change in an instant. 

Tsuna learns this lesson the hard way. 

He’s five years old and his Papa goes home and they have the best-est week ever.

They spend a day in Kokuyo Amusement Park and Tsuna doesn’t need anything else in the world.

Then his Papa introduces him to Nonno, and Tsuna thinks for a moment - he finally has a complete family.

He remembers being happy. He remembers warm orange flames…

And then suddenly it's cold. 

Tsuna remembers being warm and happy and amazing one moment then cold, dull and constantly falling the next.

He remembers being scared.

Then one day, Papa left. 

Everything changes in an instant. 

Suddenly, he’s six years old and he’s in first grade and everyone just hates him.

Tsuna’s just introduced himself but everyone’s already calling him Dame-Tsuna, and when he stutters to answer, it only seems to make Dame-Tsuna even more real.

He’s six years old and he’s getting kicked to the ground because he’s useless. He learns to curl in on himself when the hits do come because what else can a useless boy do?

He’s seven years old and his mother gives him a disapproving look. “Ah, my son is so dame”, Nana says, and Tsuna feels his heart break.

He doesn’t cry. He’s run out of tears at that point.

He’s eight years old and he thinks it would be better if he just left. If he could be anywhere else but here. 

He's out in the streets, planning to run away when he bumps into a smaller child who looks back at him with amethyst eyes.

Tsuna pauses, just to make sure the kid is real.

Purple hair. Purple eyes. A chain hanging from his left earring to the edge of his lip.

Tsuna stares, not just because the kid is weird, but because the kid is looking up at him as if he truly sees Tsuna.

It's the first time anyone has looked at Tsuna with care and concern since the day everything turned cold.

The small child looks surprised. “You-”, he says, and Tsuna flinches, waiting for the assault or dismissal to start like it had with all the other kids. 

But the purple haired kid only shakes his head, and introduces himself with a fluency and attitude that makes Tsuna think he’s not really a kid at all, but a grown-up.

“I’m Skull, what’s your name?”.

Tsuna bows and he treats the smaller - person - with the same respect he would give his teachers. “Hello Skull-san, my name is Sawada Tsunayoshi”.

Skull looks shell-shocked, mouthing the last name Sawada silently, before exploding into expletives that confirmed Tsuna’s hypothesis that the purple haired baby wasn’t a baby at all.

Skull gives him a full-body look, and it’s like Skull knows, like Skull actually understands what’s wrong with him.

“Would you like to come with me, Tsuna?”. Skull asks and eight year old Tsuna freezes.

He’s slightly warm for the first time in two years.

Like everything’s slightly clicked back into place even though he doesn’t quite understand what or why or how. 

Tsuna knew from experience that life could change in an instant.

He had everything for a moment. He lost everything the next.

He takes the purple-haired baby’s hand with a smile and Tsuna nods.

Maybe, just maybe, life would change for the better this time.


5 years later

“Ciaossu”. Reborn puts the phone to his ears. Right on time.

“Is this the home tutor?”, Nana Sawada’s voice rings from the other side of the call. “I’m looking for a home tutor for my son, Tsunayoshi”. 

Reborn accepts and informs Nana that he would be arriving by morning.

Easy.

Although he does make a mental note that the ease with which he infiltrates the Sawada household is… concerning, to say the least.

Still, Reborn wasn’t Vongola and he didn’t care how Iemitsu or Timoteo saw it best to control the civilian heir and his family.

If that method of control happened to be via Sky flame attraction on suspicious-looking posters? Well, it wasn’t any of Reborn’s business.

His student, though. Sawada Tsunayoshi was his business.

Reborn mentally curses Iemitsu and Nono for leaving the boy without any training. Hell, they didn’t even think to teach the boy skills he needed to survive civilian school. The kid's grades were constantly failing, and Iemitsu's reports said that the boy was socially inept, without any friends in school. 

If the boy didn't have the pure Sky flames Iemitsu and Nono have observed from their last visit, Tsunayoshi would probably not even be considered at all. It was just Reborn's luck the kid happened to be eligible to inherit the Strongest Mafia Famiglia in the World by virtue of the strength and purity of his Sky Flames. 

Still, he observed Tsuna as he introduces himself to the family and found that he was too thin and short. There were muscles there, sure, from running which the boy at least seemed to be able to do, but the boy was also clumsy.

Reborn had to watch him trip over thin air far too many times in the last hour since their introduction.

He also noted that Tsuna had such a high-pitch shriek, it made his ears feel like they were bleeding. 

Training Dino had been a challenge. But Dino, at least, had fencing lessons and shooting lessons from the moment he could walk. 

Training Tsuna from this fluffy child to a respectable Mafia Boss?

"Don't you have to be in grade school?", Tsuna asks, and Reborn only sighs.

Guess the teen's intuition wasn't as hyper as he hoped.

Reborn was starting to get a migraine.

So he decided to solve the problem the same way he had solved so many others in his long, prolific, hitman career.

"You'll know when you die", he says, noticing that Tsuna had blushed at the girl's, Sasagawa Kyoko's fleeting compliment as they walked to school. 

He shot his student. 

Tsuna falls with a bang and for a second, the boy is entirely still.

Then, he gets up, flames wrapping around his form, although to Reborn’s surprise, he doesn’t lose all his clothes.

Reborn hums. Tsuna’s flames may be weaker than what Timoteo and Iemitsu wrote in the boy’s files, then. 

““I’LL GIVE KYOKO BACK HER PENCIL WITH MY DYING WILL!!”, his student shouts, the teen’s shrill voice deafening Reborn.

To the hitman’s surprise though, Tsuna doesn’t quite run. Instead, the teen sends flame shooting out his hands and flies.

Reborn blinks, assuring himself that he’s not dreaming. 

Right. His civilian student was flying.

His civilian student’s last regrets were apparently returning a pencil to the most beautiful girl in his class.

But screw that. Tsuna apparently instinctively knew how to use his flames to fly…

Reborn didn't even want to think about where the teenager had gotten that idea.

Well, at the very least, Tsuna’s slowly proving to be an interesting student. 


Hana and Kyoko are shooting Tsuna twin looks of amusement as he hits his head against his desk for the twentieth time. 

“It’s not that bad, Tsuna-kun. Reborn-san would probably assume you got it from an anime, or something”. Kyoko says.

At that, Tsuna looks up hopefully, before grimacing and then groaning again.

“That’s not the point, Kyoko-chan! I’m such an amateur. I got so pressured and scared when he shot me out of the blue, I just couldn’t think of anything but flying out of there!”. 

He hears a choked sound - Hana, before her forceful question. He shot you?”. 

Tsuna looks up, “I mean, he’s a hitman, it’s pretty much his job and -”. He cuts himself off, fingers tapping the desk three times. Their code for someone is listening in. 

Hana wisely changes the topic. “Still, that’s too much flare for just returning a pencil, Sawada-kun”.

As if on cue, Reborn appears from literally nowhere. “Ciaossu”. 

Tsuna shrieks, earning him twin amused looks from the pair of girls. 

“Aww, Tsuna-kun, is this your little brother?”. Kyoko asks and Tsuna stops the urge to openly wince at the question.

“No. I’m a hitman. I’m training Tsuna to become the next Mafia Boss”. Hana freezes, but Kyoko doesn’t even miss a beat before she squeals. 

“That sounds like a fun game, Reborn-kun! Is Tsuna going to wear a cute fedora that matches yours?”, Kyoko asks and Tsuna and Hana turn to their friend with matching looks of surprise, although Tsuna’s was more of betrayal.

Reborn hums thoughtfully to Tsuna’s abject horror. “Dame-Tsuna has to earn it first”. He says. Then, he turns to Tsuna, and the brunette can’t help but flinch at the suspicion in the hitman’s stare. “I didn’t know you had friends, Tsuna”.

Tsuna just blinks at that, staring at Reborn for an awkward while, before he looks back up at Kyoko and Hana, equally silent. “Uh… We’ve kind of been friends since third grade? Everyone knows?”. Tsuna hesitates.

“Go home early later, Dame-Tsuna”. Reborn says, annoyance lacing his voice but Tsuna’s intuition helpfully supplies that Reborn isn’t annoyed at him. Or at least, not entirely at him. 

“What was that about?”, Hana asks a few moments later when they’re both sure Reborn is nowhere within earshot.

Tsuna just grins, slightly happier this time. “I’m guessing he just found out that some of his information was wrong. If he’s going by what Iemitsu gave him, well, it’s probably written on there that I don’t have any friends”. 

Hana snorts in amusement, while Kyoko just gives Tsuna a pointed look. “Tsuna-kun, I thought we agreed to give Reborn-kun a chance. It’s not his fault if the Vongola didn’t give him good information”. 

Tsuna pouts again while Hana just scoffs. “Good information my ass. I wonder how he’ll react once he finds out that Tsuna has half of his guardians already”. She says, and Tsuna sighs. 

"I don't even want to think about it. But", Tsuna sends a glare towards Kyoko. "When did you become such a good actor?".

Hana's surprisingly the one to sigh, the girl's fingers massaging the frowns on her forehead. "Kyoko's been getting extra lessons because apparently, she has a lot of potential".

There's a bit of resentment there that Tsuna raises his eyebrows.

"Aww, don't be like that Hana-chan. You're not that talented with acting, but he did say you're amazing with the administrative side of things". Kyoko assures her friend.

Hana just shakes her head at that, before turning to Tsuna with another pointed glare. "See, once Reborn finds out half of what we've been up to for the last five years, I bet you he's going to murder us".

"It's a given he's going to find out, Hana-chan. He's the Strongest Hitman in the World. The only question is, how long can Tsuna keep the act going". Kyoko says. Tsuna shudders at the brilliant smile she sends him. "You gave to do your best, Tsu-kun. I have a bet with Kyo-kun about how long you could keep the act up".

Tsuna definitely did not want to know about Kyoko-chan and Kyo-kun's bets. He did not want to even think about the consequences of the outcome of said bet. Whoever won or lost would not end well for him and his continued sanity.

“I’ll keep the act up, sure, but I'm still not going to be a Mafia boss”. He says ignoring the shared looks of amusement between his two oldest friends.

"Keep telling yourself that, Tsuna, and who knows? You might end up a giant robot, after all". Hana says and Tsuna groans, banging his head against his desk for the twenty-first time. 


Reborn calls Gokudera and the teenage hitman arrives in Namimori as planned.

Gokudera challenges the Vongola heir to test him under Reborn’s orders, right on schedule.

Gokudera throws dynamites and accidentally messes up, the explosives spilling around the boy.

Reborn shoots Tsuna with the dying will bullet and orange flames ignite. 

Reborn should have honestly expected that Tsuna would once again use his flying technique, lifting Gokudera out of the way of his own explosions - bridal style.

Reborn makes a point to ignore Gokudera's red face.

Instead, he's about to praise Tsuna for a job well done, when the brunette turns swiftly towards Gokudera, orange flames dying out but not diminishing the anger reflected in his glowing amber eyes.

“Are you actually an idiot? You could have gotten yourself killed! Why would you be so reckless?!”, the teen screams at Gokudera.

Reborn wouldn’t have minded the shouting, except Tsuna had done so in fluent, native-sounding Italian that Reborn had to take five seconds to register what he was hearing from the tiny teen. 

Gokudera’s mouth just gapes open, before he’s doing a dogeza in front of Decimo, begging for forgiveness even as the brunette continues on his tirade about fire hazards and pyrotechnics and armorers and annoying, fucking permits? .

“Gokudera lost, so he's now going to be part of your family, Tsuna”. Reborn says.

Narrowed amber eyes meet Reborn and he freezes at the seriousness and anger that doesn't quite fit on the boy's still fluffy face. 

“No”. Tsuna immediately answers, and his words are followed by silence. There’s a dejected look on Gokudera’s face mirroring Reborn’s stunned one. 

It doesn’t seem to bother Tsuna, who with strength of unknown origins, lifts Gokudera up until the boy is standing, all while maintaining his glare towards the other teen. 

“Not yet. You’re not going to be part of my family until you get the proper permits from Hibari-san for all your weapons, until you’ve visited an actual doctor to treat your injuries, and you get training for fire safety and proper handling of explosives”. Tsuna declares decisively and Gokudera just stares at him, processing his words. 

Am I understood, Gokudera?”, Tsuna asks in Italian and the silver-haired teen quickly stiffens, nodding repeatedly.

“Yes, Decimo. I, I understand”. Gokudera replies.

Only then does Tsuna smile, pleased. “And call me Tsuna, I’m not planning on being the Vongola Decimo”.

Gokudera looks appalled at the thought. “Yes, T-Tsunayoshi-sama”.

Reborn chooses this moment to intervene, kicking Tsuna in the head. Tsuna falls theatrically. “What was that for, Reborn?”. 

“Dame-Tsuna, where did you learn to speak Italian?”, Reborn asks and Tsuna flinches.

“Uhh– I learned it from a friend. In Italy”. Reborn raises an eyebrow but he does acknowledge that Tsuna’s telling the truth. 

“And what’s the name of this friend?”

“Uhh.. Scott?”. Tsuna says and Reborn gives Tsuna an unamused look.

“I only know his nickname, Reborn. We talk online, okay?”. 

Reborn gives Tsuna his hardest stare but he doesn’t sense the kid lying. Instead, he sighs and lets it go. Best not to look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

Tsuna knowing Italian helped him do his job easier, at least.

Gokudera's looking at Tsuna like the brunette hung the moon and the stars. Tsuna just sighs. 

"I mean it though, Gokudera-kun. You really do have to register your weapons because I definitely don't want to get bitten to death. You probably should do that... uh, now? Please?".

Gokudera nods enthusiastically, before running off to do as he was told. 

Tsuna mumbles something about crazy pyromaniacs and stupid explosives in Italian, and Reborn just thoughtfully watches his student.

Honestly, though, that should have been Reborn’s first sign that something was wrong. 

Reborn’s second sign that things didn't quite add up came immediately after Tsuna rescued Yamamoto from jumping off the school roof - bridal style, once more. 

Tsuna had given the boy a proper dressing down like he had done with Gokudera, before promptly dragging the baseball player to his family’s sushi shop.

Tsuna then pushed a very guilty and dejected Takeshi before his own father, making sure the teen did not omit any information from his latest stunt. 

Tsuyoshi Yamamoto had been horrified at his son’s actions and Reborn silently watched as Tsuna patiently waited for the father-and-son duo to process the emotional turmoil of the day and have their moment.

When Tsuyoshi turned to talk to the brunette, Tsuna assured him that Takeshi had learned his lesson well, but Tsuna also hadn’t let the issue go until he was a hundred percent guaranteed Takeshi would be spending time in the hospital receiving the proper therapy he needs. 

Tsuna hadn't stopped glaring at Takeshi until the teen had sworn he would be seeing the therapy sessions through. 

Tsuyoshi had given Tsuna a thankful look, before handing the teen boxes of sushi to bring home.

“Thank the old man for me too, yeah? Tell him he’s free to drop by anytime he’s around”. 

Tsuna just nods, “It’s nothing Yamamoto-san. I’ll make sure to tell him though, he loves sushi”.

Reborn hadn’t thought about it then, thinking that Tsuna and the elder Yamamoto were probably talking about Namimori things. After all, Tsuna had come rushing to the sushi shop with Takeshi in tow, as if he was more than a regular in the old man’s sushi shop. 

It wouldn't have been out of the realm of possibility that Tsuna frequented Yamamoto’s shop, having grown up in the small town.

Things sort of went flawlessly, after that.

The Sawadas took Lambo and Ipin in. Nana hadn't even questioned  the addition of two new charges and all Reborn could think of was the security concern that was posing.

He staged a challenge for Tsuna, Hayato and Takeshi, hoping the trio would meet Namimori's infamous Hibari Kyoya, only to find out that the brunette already considered the demon prefect one of his closest friends.

Reborn had been very surprised to find out that Sasagawa Kyoko and Hibari Kyoya had a... friendship, of sorts.

He filed the information away as something to investigate for later. 

Honestly, Tsuna's list of friendships had been very different from Reborn's original plans.

For one, Hana and Kyoko were definitely better candidates for Tsuna’s lightning and sun respectively than Lambo and Kyoko’s own brother, and the fact that the two girls were starting to show signs of becoming Flame active soon wasn't lost on the hitman. 

He had asked Tsuna for more information about how he had made friends with the two girls and the demon prefect, and the brunette had given him some strange story about an elementary school drama club and filming a nature documentary. 

Things might have been unfolding differently from Reborn's original plans, but the hitman was quite good at improvisation.

He welcomed the changes with the ease of a chameleon changing colors.

Tsuna speaking fluent Italian with Dino certainly surprised the Cavallone Don, but it was more welcomed than not, what with Dino’s recent acquisition of the Japanese language. Reborn did not think it particularly suspicious Tsuna spoke at a level where he called Dino’s blunders una figura di merda - he and Bianchi had found it amusing even. 

Tsuna's proficiency in Italian and apparently, basic Chinese from learning with Hibari Kyoya also greatly helped the two younger children under his roof, with whom he immediately formed a sibling bond. Reborn hadn't thought it out of the ordinary when Tsuna confiscated all Lambo's weapons, bar the Ten Year Bazooka, with the same enthusiasm he had with Gokudera's bombs. 

Scott, Tsuna's mysterious online friend, also actually existed. Reborn watched his student amusedly as the kid spent the late hours of the evening exchanging messages with the stranger. Reborn had read the messages on his student's phone, of course, and found nothing beyond the usual memes, some random trivia about musky octopi and passages from the Arkady Renko series that both boys apparently followed.  

Right. Things had been going according to Reborn’s plan for the most part that he had grown exceedingly complacent despite the signs things weren’t entirely as they should be.

The third sign that something was wrong happened on a Monday.

Tsuna was walking to school as always with Reborn trailing after him. The teen is slightly tired, he had spent the evening messaging Scott on his phone until the early hours of the morning.

Reborn hadn’t bothered telling him off - he understood that Tsuna was still a kid, in the end, and if he was going to choose to spend his time so unwisely, then he had to suffer the consequences.

To reinforce his point, Reborn absentmindedly shoots a harmless foam bullet towards the child's head.

An innocent, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary blue and orange foam bullet.

So consider Reborn utterly speechless and surprised when Tsuna falls over as if he had actually been shot with a real bullet - 

Before bursting into familiar orange colored flames, screaming in the usual shrill voice: 

“REBORN! I’LL GO BACK TO SLEEP WITH MY DYING WILL!”

Reborn can only give Tsuna an unamused, deadpan stare, the awkward atmosphere stretching as Tsuna just stands there, processing why Reborn was acting the way he was.

In the end, Reborn loads his gun with an actual bullet, this time, pointing it towards the teen.

“Dame-Tsuna, I shot you with a foam bullet”. He says, a warning of future pain and horrible consequences should the boy decide to lie to his face. 

Dying Will flames cut off like a shut faucet and Tsuna’s amber eyes turn back to panicked chocolate.

“Hieeeee”, the teen shrieks.

Reborn isn’t amused.

Honestly, what?

Notes:

hehe here's another new work?

I think I definitely need to stop getting distracted by all these plot bunnies, but my sanity is dying as it is.

I think moving to a whole, different country, (ottawa, Canada is so boring), starting a masters, and writing a thesis would do that to anyone, so forgive me for the sporadic, random updates.